The Nick DiPaolo Show - 122 - Uber Psycho, Trump Wins SC, Gutfeld Show

Episode Date: February 23, 2016

122 - Uber Psycho, Trump Wins SC, Gutfeld Show

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hey, what is going on, ladies and gentlemen? Nick DiPaolo, how are you? Good to be back with you. It's Monday. At least that's when I'm recording this thing. When you'll be listening, I don't know. As always, thank you so much for some contributions over the weekend. Timothy Huell, stepping up.

I appreciate it, Tim. Andy Kerfman, also. Thank you guys so much for the contributions. And for you people listening to this on iTunes or riotcast.com or Stitcher or anywhere else, don't forget you can get two to three more shows a week if you go to connectpal.com slash nick.

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if you'd like to subscribe to the Nick DiPaolo podcast. And I got to tell you, I don't know what caused this injection of energy, but the last couple of weeks has been a real rush to subscriptions. I don't know how to describe it, but the numbers shot up. Inexplicable to me. I don't know if it was maybe maybe i don't know i don't know who knows who knows could have been came to a live show and decided uh they could have seen me two weeks ago and decided hey you know what or maybe they saw something on tv i don't know but it's been a steady uptick and it's picked up and i can't thank you enough so climb aboard this train

folks if uh if you're only listening on mondays to the free show because it's worth it again i treat it like a radio show and there's a lot going on politically and we have fun with it we don't get too heavy it's for people who have to do and want to laugh in their car for an hour you know just think of a i don't know some type of political talk show where the guy has syphilis of the brain and just whatever. But thank you so much. I appreciate it. And all of you who have contributed and are subscribers.

It's going great. I'm actually excited. I don't get excited very often. You know, I get excited over a few things. Maybe when I open up pizza, nobody else is on me. I have eight slices to myself. Or I put on a jennifer anderson movie and i turn the sound down and just stare at the tits those those are the things that get me

that's what puts a smile on my face anyways okay did he say jennifer anderson yeah i did i know there's a lot of snatch out there but that's the one that does it for me that and uh precious anyways any fucking way yeah yeah god damn right i just got back from uh dealing with a lawyer and estate planning for you kids who don't know what that is that's when you get it to my age and you know you could drop dead on the treadmill or um sleeping with your life partner. I mean, you don't know.

Something could kill you. And, again, the wife is 40 times smarter and more mature than me. But this has been going on for a while. We met with this lady. But the wife did all the muscle work. You have to just decide where your money goes. You're talking about your fucking demise. It's really kind of depressing.

Of course, I'm throwing, you know, every joke I have, death joke, in the book. And the lawyer is looking at me, the woman, and my wife, like I'm fucking crazy. And there's, like, two other people there to, you know, witness us signing this shit, which is laughable to me, too. But, of course, in New York State, everything's four times more complicated if you live in New York. And you got to fight these motherfuckers. And this is true of the federal government

coming at you in any state. But I mean, you got to fight to save every fucking last penny. They're trying to tax you, literally. Literally, the coroner hasn't pulled you out of your bed yet. You're laying in your own shit and the taxman's banging at the back door. It really is disgusting what we've turned this fucking world into but there's this

you know revocable trust irrevocable just i'm sitting there i'm the one who went to college not my wife and i couldn't even follow the conversation it was just it's god damn it the fucking sun is coming right in my fucking eyes here. Anyways, maybe that's God saying, hey. But yeah, I just, I get furious. You know, I had a college education. I can't even follow this shit. And they don't want you to follow it, I swear to God. And then you got life insurance piled in on that.

You got to decide what to do with that. We actually talked about long-term care. In other words, if I fucking turn into a, you know, when I get into my 80s and I'm hanging on and, you know, I'm going to put me in a nursing home or I have to put her in a nursing home. And I've said this before. My wife is fucked. My wife is fucked. If she dies first and I'm in charge of all this, this paperwork shit she is gonna be and i said it in my act

she's gonna i'm gonna be sitting at her computer trying to figure out to get it how to get into the you know the password for the death folder and i'm gonna have her body in the garage leaning up against an old snowblower with a fucking tarp over it as squirrels chewing her tits i'm trying to figure out the password for the death notebook oh it's gonna be ugly i i just can't believe how complicated the fucking legal jargon i it's just infuriates me and uh you have to fight these motherfuckers off the government you jerk offs who like to still vote democrat and can't get enough government in your life uh it's it's disgusting anyways i might as well have been a four-year-old just sitting there signing shit. And that old adage, read everything before you sign it.

Yeah, right. I'd be 106 still fucking initialing shit today. But, uh, it gets so complicated. It's, I can't even, I can't even do it justice explaining it to you. But, uh, thank Christ the wife sits at the computer all day and absorbs this shit she's a quick study as opposed to me i'm like a fucking small cherokee indian kid with fucking why cherokee indian nick i don't know i was just going there i saw the sun coming through the trees it's blinding me and i could punch somebody in the face right now i'm

hating the sun so much i I'm moving my desk back. Hold on. I'm going to probably unplug something if I lose you. Don't panic. So anyways, yeah, we're all set. This has been about a year process of deciding who gets what, who gets my Acid Tongue production company. Ooh, that'll be a big coup if you land that.

I think I sold 42 albums last year. Big coup there. Yeah, give that to my niece. She can get a new hat with that money and thank god though my brother my brother's the uh he's like my old man mr responsible so he is the uh beneficiary and the that's not even the right word but he's the guy who's gonna dole out my fucking humble my humble uh savings when i die but see i'm a gay you know i got longevity on my side that's what scares me my fucking family the old ginsaloons they don't die you know i'll probably break that

trend because not too many uh people on my dad's side were stand-up comedians who fucking treated their body like a piece of shit um anyways so yeah that was just sitting there signing signing away you know we walked in and the guy at the fucking front desk he goes uh you here for a closing i go well you could kind of say that yeah he thought that was so goddamn funny and um that's where the laugh stopped right at the front desk yeah. So, you look forward to that when you get into your 50s or whenever. Literally, my wife has like some, you know, the horse. The horse we own. She's got something for that.

I don't know. The insurance. I don't even, I couldn't even understand it. Couldn't fucking understand it. But how depressing. You're literally talking about in case, let's say you're a vegetable and your wife and i'm snickering because i can picture me burying my wife in the pond and vice versa and let's say she's in a coma then you you have the right to dole out this and that and who's gonna get your uh another census killing poster? And just fucking horrendous.

Just horrendous. But that's what I did. A couple hours ago. Came home and ate a bowl of chili that will expedite my demise. Ton of paperwork. We sign shit in quadruplicate.ate i don't know what the number is only in new york even even the lawyers said i hate fucking doing business in new york she we got to go to connecticut to do this and uh it's just everything's more complicated it's

really just a fucking dog shit place to do business whether you're trying to start a shoe store or you're trying to bury your wife it's fucking it's new york i fucking hate you yeah exactly why do you live there because that's where showbiz is you dinks people ask you that you're fucking doing a gig in fucking oklahoma why you live in new york if you don't have because i i can't land a three-picture deal in tulsa, you titless fuck. What do you think? Hmm. Enough of the bullshit. So last time I talked to you,

Scalia had just died, right? I think that was the thing. But how about the punk president? The petulant little jerk-off that he is, not going to Scalia's funeral. And just a punk. a just a dink yeah i know he went to some private thing or whatever the fuck but he was too busy going to cuba where his real fucking heart is or whatever he was doing and just that's just petulant dog shit it really is he's just a guy just.

And then he's definitely going to nominate somebody. He keeps he's pointing to the Constitution. The Constitution says the powers of the president will nominate. But OK, that's great. So you've been wiping your ass with the Constitution for the last seven years. Now you're going to point to it like you fucking Scalia himself. Oh, what a what a hypocrite prick face and uh you know he helped uh try to filibuster when Alito was going to be elected to the court and he said it was a Dems obligation to block that nomination and and

and now he's calling the Republicans assholes for doing the exact same thing that he did. I mean, he doesn't even, I don't know if he's dumb or just fucking that shameless. But just, oh my God, just a real uniter. That's how to bring the people together. Just a, ugh. Ugh. Just disrespectful, you know wouldn't that have been a nice gesture that you go who gives a fuck who gives a shit trump's gonna replace him a few months anyway we can't stop this train

ah just uh i don't know another example of uh president obama being a pet petulant little dink uh you know he's cutting off 50 of anti-terror funding to new york city because schumer didn't go along with that fucking iran deal of course that's not stated on paper, but everybody knows that. Ray Kelly, former commissioner, is accusing Obama of slashing the city's counterterrorism funding 50% in retaliation for Senator Chuck Schumer not backing the White House. Everybody knows that, the Iran deal. There's a certain amount of vindictiveness on the part of Washington

aimed at Senator Chuck Schumer, Ray Kelly said. The fact that they cut 50%, I think, was aimed at getting a reaction from Senator Schumer. Apparently, maybe Obama just doesn't like Jews. He saw how he treated Netanyahu and how he treats Israel. Maybe he's just an anti-Semite. Apparently, they remember very well that Senator Schumer did not support their Iran deal. Like they were ever going to forget that. But even that, Schumer knew. Schumer waited until he knew it was going to pass anyways before he fucking went again.

Even that was a bunch of fucking dog cheese. But that's how he is. So he cuts funding to New York City. Terror funding, okay? Anti-terror funding. I mean, no city needs it more. I mean, these fucking idiots have made it a point to say that New York is still ground zero for whatever horseshit they want to pull, right? Can you imagine?

Because of politics. He's a fucking child. He was never, never challenged at Harvard. Never challenged ever since Harvard. No one's ever challenged at Harvard. Never challenged ever since Harvard. No one's ever challenged this guy. He's just a spoiled brat. Can't stand him. Can't fucking stand him

or what he stands for. He's anti-American. It's one thing to be a bad president like fucking Jimmy Carter or you know even GW if you want to throw him in there. Wasn't a big fan either.

But it's another thing to be anti-American and sit in the Oval Office. That's the other thing. To openly just fucking show disdain for the country that you pretend to represent. You might think that's an exaggeration, but I don't. He fucking hates everything this country stands for. That's how it was founded.

Big dink. Yeah. Oh, yeah oh yeah yeah yeah imagine that cutting funding you got the whole apple thing i don't want to get into that but well that's right gutfell i didn't talk about doing gutfell show but um how about that we talked about that a little bit on the show. And again, I'm not for, you know me, I'm like anti-government. But when it comes to security versus your civil rights and your privacy and shit, you're not going to have any civil rights or privacy if you don't protect the country. Security trumps all. And I know it's a touchy thing here.

But don't tell me apple doesn't know how to fucking backdoor into your phone anyways this is a big seems a big ploy to me you know i'm not fucking buying it there's shit on there god forbid if there was another attack and they find out imagine right now if it happened tomorrow whatever or next week uh and they find out that there was shit on there that would have helped them on the San Bernardino phones. Do you know what I mean? I don't understand why Apple can't the government's even saying to them

go figure it out, unencrypt that shit or whatever. You don't even have to tell us how to do it. We just want the information on that phone. Then all the other users are going to be, oh no, all the people that have iPhones, that means they can get into my get the fuck out of here. When's the last time the government tried to get into your phone?

Stop. We're talking about national security, okay? Like I said, I usually don't side with the government, but as far as protecting us, that's the only thing they're good for. You know? I don't have a problem there. But anyways, Gutfeld's show is fun.

Greggy boy, Gutfeld. You know, he don't have a problem there. But anyways, Gutfeld's show was fun. Greggy boy, Gutfeld. He was, you know, he's got a show on Fox News Channel on Tuesday, on Saturdays, I think. Isn't it? I'm not even sure. No, they show it on Sunday. They tape it on Saturday. I've done it a few times. But the point being is, since the last time I did it, they now have a live audience, which

makes all the difference in the world. And Gutfeld's a good, funny dude. I did it they now have a live audience which makes all the difference in the world and uh Gutfeld's a good funny dude and uh it was so much better this time with a live audience and um yeah it just uh it just popped you know it brings the best out when you're performing it just you can zing you know he snaps at the audience which I love you know I know I love that shit and uh it was fun it was fun they had that chris stottweiler on whatever his name probably saying that wrong um stat while i don't know wild stat i don't want to anyways he's on fox news all the time during the elections and uh

he was sitting to my left and then mike baker is this former cia guy he's and uh real smart guy but the thing was that was it they had a both it seemed like they had a real disdain for Trump. Like on the set in general, everybody's kind of snickering at Trump and shit. It was kind of surprising to me. But anyways, I just think that they're on the right track with that show. It's hard. And again, you're trying to do comedy on a news channel and not just any news the largest most successful news company in the world right now whether you

like it or not and uh you know your hands are tied you can't fox news is a brand you can't uh you know you can't get away with a lot of shit and uh you know and um i've learned over the years i've mastered walking that tight rope of saying stuff that's you know just just within the line and like i said i don't believe in lines but you have to when you're on network tv obviously and uh so i had a couple of zingers on hillary and if you get a chance to watch it they i, I don't know, they reran it a couple times last night. So, but it was fun. It was fun. That's all I'm going to say about it.

And, yeah, I drove in yesterday. We did it at 2 in the afternoon. Was home by like 4.30, whatever. Beautiful. Beautiful. But, and I'll do it a lot more, because I think Gutfeld's a good dude, he's a good dude, a good little German kid, you know what I'm saying, smart son of a gun, speaking of German, Ober, Ober, how about that fucking psycho, huh, you talking to me,

you talking to me, you talking to me? You talking to me? Who the hell are you talking to? You talking to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh, yeah? Huh?

Okay. Okay. Oh, yeah? Huh? Okay. Of course, that was Travis Bickle, portrayed by Robert De Niro and the legendary Taxi Driver. And it was creepy, this whole Uber driver,

this guy that snapped in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Very, very creepy, because I'm talking to Colin Quinn on the phone, and he was watching Taxi Driver last week. And I go and i go hey you know they ought to do like a they had to update that movie do uber driver and uh yeah i know it sounds like a hack premise for a stand-up joke but i was serious because new york you know it's been 30 40 years since that movie right uh things have changed but you could do you know they update movies and it'll be good and i i said the colin don uber drive is always doing shit you always read not always but i've read if over the last year or so a couple rapes in brooklyn by uber drivers or whatever uh you know uh assaults and

and uh i said they should update that movie you know it'll be fun because new y York's slipping back, looking more and more like 1972 under Jerkoff de Blasio. So then I pick up the paper this weekend, and I see this story on TV, and I was just like, you've got to be shitting me. This frigging guy in Kalamazoo, this Jason Dalton, just Uber driver, if you're not up on the story he was uh just picking people up he picked up one kid and was driving like a maniac so much so that the guy had to get out of the fucking car and like his fiancee texted stay away from this guy and uh you know described the car as an uber driver and he was blowing red lights and going against the traffic like a fucking maniac.

And that was the worst, the least of his bad deeds, because minutes later, he shoots a guy and his 17-year-old son who were in like a car dealership parking lot looking at cars. This guy just fucking assassinates him. This piece of fucking garbage. I don't give a fuck what was wrong with him. And here's the thing. And he's not done, by the way. He ended up killing six people. Okay?

Picks up a group of people, drops them off at a hotel. And right next to the hotel in a parking lot next door was a Cracker Barrel restaurant. So he goes into that parking lot with his gun from his car. I don't even need to get out of his car. Doesn't matter. He ends up killing like four older women. One lady in a car by herself

and gravely wounded like a 12-year-old girl. Ended up killing six people, this piece of shit. Of course, he was non-combative when they picked him up and shit it's most fucking cowards are here's the thing folks on this it's so typical see back in the day when people were cuckoo and hearing voices and shit uh or just having a bad day or really thought the world owed them

something they'd take themselves out eventually but not now these psycho fucks because they go hey i might as well get on facebook and twitter and be a little bit famous why should i kill myself i can be world famous in two minutes that has a little to do it i'm not saying has everything to do with it the guy's obviously a mentally fucking deranged jerk-off. But just fucking horrible. 45 years old. He had no record. Married father of two. Moonlighted as an Uber driver.

Yeah. Two wounded, six dead. Of course, his neighbors. And why do we even ask the fucking neighbors anymore anything? He was a good family man, and, you know, he always kept to himself. Really? Although he was seen shooting his gun in the backyard up into the air sometimes. Which is not illegal. It's usually how they celebrate in third world shitholes.

But yeah, he did that over a four hour period in three separate locations in Kalamazoo. The victims' ages range from 14 to 74. Just fucking, and we can already hear the fucking, I haven't put on the news today just because I don't want to hear the same shit.

Well, with the right, with the right gun control laws, I know what I never have. We're going to start with that again? It's very simple, folks. Criminals don't follow the laws. You can have, and we do, we have a million gun laws in the book, so stop with that fucking horse shit. Okay? It's silly. Just a psychopath.

He is expected to be arraigned today on charges of attempted murder. He was arrested at quarter one Sunday night. Uh, buh buh buh. The deputy spotted a car marching to the description of the shooter's vehicle exiting a parking lot in a description of the shooter's vehicle exiting a parking lot in downtown a downtown kalamazoo bar the deputy stopped the car on the man was arrested peacefully semi-automatic handgun found in the car it's unclear what precipitated the rampage i'm guessing his haircut as i look at the picture real fucking moron.

Although Dalton was acting irrationally and driving erratically prior to the first shooting, according to a Facebook post from a woman who said her fiance had gotten a ride from Dalton late Sunday afternoon, the woman posted at 5.33 that a boyfriend was picked up by an Uber driver named Jason, who blew through a stop sign, sideswiped another car. She posted an Uber-supplied photo of the guy, who matched the police mugshot of Dalton, and said he was driving a Chevy Equinox SUV. Kalamazoo Gazette photos later show police searching an Equinox.

The lady called 911, this kid's fiancé, and surprisingly, they didn't seem all that concerned. Yeah. They never are yeah they never are they never are unless you know they can hear screaming in the background what a piece of fucking garbage can you imagine though i think there's a guy and a 17 year old kid probably looking for his first car or whatever the fuck. I don't know. I don't know. It's just more signs of the apocalypse.

I don't give a shit what anybody says. By the way, there's three more slashings in New York City. It's like a trend now. It's like bell bottoms. It's like fucking the Macarena to go out and slash somebody's face. Half the city's going to be called Scarface, for fuck's sake. Unbelievable.

What a sewer we live in. When I say live in, I mean as the planet. It really is fucking disgusting. So, I can't wait to hear. I really do want to hear this guy's explanation this fucking idiot uber jack off other than he's mentally ill with a uh justin bieber haircut

i've never taken uber then again i live in the suburbs i drive into the city like a fucking nitwit i'm an expert in driving new york city time square and 5 p.m going on auditions nothing phases me anymore it just takes years off my life but then again i went to the estate planner today didn't i yes i did so that's taken care of when when my wife gets a call from the nybd and say uh yeah it's a kid in a black uh infinity was found on the shoulder of the road and saw him. Ellen Yonkers took his own life behind a dumpster. There was a script for a sitcom.

They wanted him to play the wacky fat neighbor. Fuck you. Oh, fuck you. So anyways, condolences to the family's friend. He shot up like four old ladies. Just a gutless piece. And a 12-year-old girl was with him, I think. Not that any doesn't matter.

I'm just saying. Just a fuck. Kalamazoo, home of Derek Jeter. No, I'm not making any connections. Just because I'm a Red Sox fan. Relax out there. Relax. Let's get to the big news of the weekend. Donald Trump wins South Carolina.

Donald Trump wins South Carolina. Rubio edges Cruz for second. Bush drops the fuck out. I don't know what to tell you, folks. I don't know what to make of this Donald Trump. I really don't. He seems like a superficial blowhard to me too but there's no doubt here's what i'd be saying if i was trump's campaign manager i'd be going hey he got into this race because he said all these

politicians and people who run in the country are incompetent and he's proven it he's a novice as far as being a politician and he's wiping the fucking floor with these guys. And the first election he's ever been in. And it just shows you. And you know why? Because he's media savvy. And it shows you how media driven everything is in our country. From everyday life to presidential campaigns.

He is a whiz at that. But he is proving how they're not even good at fucking doing what they do for a living running for office but again it's more of a it's a protest statement anybody votes for him right i mean it really is a sign people have had enough i don't know what to make of him like Like I said, I love what he's doing to the process. I love that he's shaking it up and really just, but I, and I say this, I don't know who the fuck I'm voting for. I really don't. And I said it on Gutfeld's show.

We can't, we're in great shape in my opinion. And they keep talking about, oh, Hillary would love to face off against Trump. Would love to. Yeah, right. that's the case she's shitting her fucking big dirty bloomers right now i still have fantasies about her and handcuffs and no not to my bedposts i'm talking about heading off to the fucking slammer but let's listen to uh let's listen to the haircut Donald Trump. Here's a little bit of his victory speech in South Carolina. You know, I was watching upstairs

and it was really amazing to be watching what I was watching. And some of the pundits, and I don't know overall fare, but not too much, but a number of the pundits said, well, if a couple of the other candidates dropped out, if you add their scores together, it's going to equal Trump. Right. These geniuses, they're geniuses.

They don't understand that as people drop out, I'm going to get a lot of those votes also. You don't just you don't just add them together. What the hell's going on out here? That was from the Cruz campaign. Oh, God. Well, you'll get a few of them, Donald, but I got to believe, like, you know, Jeb Bush's people, the fucking pissing, the beating you gave him. This certainly, anybody who liked Jeb Bush isn't going your way. And unless they're front runners and they're like, he's going to win it.

But that would be very few. And then Rubio and Cruz would be, you know, it's a three-man race at this point. And it's not much of a race. He's crucifying these guys. So we'll see. Fucking Cruz. You know, Cruz, you know, South Carolina has a ton of evangelicals those are supposed to be his people and Trump beat that's the scary thing he beat them again

they're not a monolithic uh you know voting bloc they just don't vote on one issue but uh he's beating the evangelicals he's getting everybody everybody, you know? It really is. They don't, the establishment does not know what to make of this guy. It's fucking, it is, really is like sports. I think on Horace and Pete, that was Kurt Metzger's character, written by the great Louis C.K.,

saying it's like sports to these guys. Yeah, it is. When there's no sports on, I'll put this shit on. It's a little more important than sports, but, but, yeah. So Trump wins. And then Rubio just eked out Cruz. Virtual, virtual second place tie, really. But, and, you know, let's play a little jeb uh jeb bush is

when he suspended his campaign he gave a a little uh a little speech no that's not fair come on he's a good guy he actually is a decent man and he handed it with handled it with a class and but the thing is he had had too much baggage with the Bush name. I almost, I really didn't believe when I heard he was going to run for president. I was like, oh no. No, no, no.

The shit is still warm on that name. And he hasn't been governor for almost 10 years. So that, and the, and I told, I was talking to Colin Quinn on the phone.

I go, you know, the problem is, he looks like, when he speaks, he looks like Will Ferrell making fun of his brother because he's about the same height as will farrell jeb and he hangs his arms down and he's got the mannerisms of gw so he looks like he's making fun of his own brother it's very fucking weird but here's jeb's uh

suspension speech but the people of iowa New Hampshire and South Carolina have spoken, and I really respect their decision. So tonight, I am suspending my campaign. Yeah, yeah. I want to hear that again. But the people of Iowa and New Hampshire and South Carolina have spoken, and I really respect their decision. So tonight, I am susp am suspect he really respects it commands if he didn't respect him and if you get up there and fuck you i'm staying and you guys wouldn't know a

fucking president if a bitch in the ass you fried chicken eating motherfucker i respect the decision well that's very big of you retard alert retard alert uh ending my campaign yeah yeah one lady went oh no it's probably barbara bush in the back get an ivy stuck in her fucking neck uh she's in her late hundred what a tough woman woman she is. And, yeah, Jeb respects the decision of the voters saying, you ain't shit, yo. But, again, decent, had a great record as a governor and would probably make a decent president. But not in these times. Not when the fucking country's had enough of this horse shit, this gridlock caused by Joe Uniter.

Not only him, obviously, because people are sick of politicians of all stripes, but Dick Weedon, chief, not going to Scalia's funeral, just showing how petulant, what a fucking child, cutting anti-terrorism dollars to New York City because Schumer, one of his little soldiers, didn't go along with something he said. What a nasty little girl. No, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no not this fucking time no fucking way no fucking way no fucking way no fucking way you may and then uh on the other side of the aisle you had um hillary winning by like five or six points over a 74 year old socialist again he's just a foil for hillary to make her look like she's

fucking sane we can't talk about hillary without playing this and it's not because she has big tits because she's because she's a feminist. And any time we bring up a feminist... Hillary. Hillary, I'm talking to you, Hillary. Anyway, she was being interviewed. I don't know if it was 60 Minutes officially. I know, I saw a clip of the interview. It was Scott Pelley who was on 60 Minutes, so maybe it doesn't fucking matter does it anyways he asked her about telling the truth does she does she try to tell the truth

all the time and her laugh made me i mean excuse me her fucking answer had me laughing so fucking hard it's the one time she's actually been honest. That's what was ironic about her answer. She's being asked about the truth, and she's actually truthful in her. Well, here's a little clip of Scott Pelley asking Hillary about talking about the truth. Well, I have to tell you, I have tried in every way I know how, literally from my years as a young lawyer all the way through my time in the state to level with the American people. You talk about leveling with the American people. Have you all?

She's tried to level with the American people. Oh, my nerve. She's got a set of balls. I mean, literally a set of balls on her. Like, you're a meager. What? I don't know what the fuck. I've always told the truth.

I've always tried to. Always. Always. Some people are going to call that wiggle room that you just gave yourself. Always, always tried to. You hear how defensive she gets? You got to watch that.

Her face, like a little girl. Like somebody, like a mom just caught a little girl stealing a cookie out of the jar before dinner. No, I didn't. But, no, I, I. I, oh, oh, oh. She said, I try. I try to tell the truth.

That's what she said. Excuse me. Excuse me. Dad, are you going to tell me the truth? The answer would be, I always tell the truth. That's what you say. Didn't she learn anything living from that fucking liar? The guy who was banging everything that could move and lied to her fucking seven days a week, seven nights a week?

Did she not learn anything from the best liar ever to sit in the fucking oval? Except for the current one? Oh my God. I always have sit in the fucking oval. Except for the current one. Oh, my God. I always try to tell the... I guess he was being honest, you know? Oh, my goodness. Heloise. Heloise.

So. Here's the thing that people, Republican voters and people, conservatives, should be excited about. They're shattering records as far as voter turnout. And that's what, well, that's, you know, that's a result of having a cultural and a, well, just a Marxist, socialist slashxist in the White House for almost eight years. That's one of the benefits. It'll really get people on the other side of the aisle to come out to vote. Not that motivates you like the most liberal president in the history of the country. It goes to show you they are fired up on my side south carolina voters showed up to the

republican party saturday night in record numbers more than 730 000 voters participated in the first in the south primary this election cycle uh in 2012 you know how many turned out in South Carolina? 603,000. See that? They, uh, fired the fuck up. That is not a good sign for you, uh, lefties. Meanwhile, voter turnout in Saturday's Democratic caucuses in Nevada declined nearly 33%. Uh-oh, retard alert!

Retard alert! 33% as compared to 2008. Only about 80,000 showed up to participate in the caucuses, which Hillary won by approximately four percentage points. According to the Nevada Democratic Party, voter turnout in 2008 when Clinton beat then-Senator Barack Obama, it was 118,000, down 33%.

Well, yes, that actually shows me that the people on the left maybe have some taste. Because look what their choices are. It's all a farce. And I'll get to an article to show you how low the fucking Dems will stoop right here in New York City. They're trying to pass a bill that would allow illegals to vote. If that goes on, folks, I'm telling you, I am serious. Go out, and I've told you before, shoplift, steal gas, break into stores at night, uh, because you're the only one playing by the rules and nobody else has to.

People who don't even, aren't even citizens have the same rights as you. You should be fucking furious. I don't know why the left is calling for political revolution. Should be on the fucking right to stop this fucking tyrannical horseshit that's going on. But that's a good sign for people who vote Republican. But Trump is really fucking, they don't know what to do. Hmm. I just got some chili. A piece of meat just came out of the back of my tooth.

It was like a pound and a half. It's been in there for about a week. No, and floss and douche every night listen that's a good sign it's it's also a sign that you know because uh the dems rely on young people who are fucking lazy and they only get excited when things are going their way like when barack promised uh hope and change and cacapupu delivered on none of it. The rumor out there is that Donald Trump is picking off like Democrats. There was an article I don't have in front of me that, what's his name, Brett, Brett Ellison, Brett East Ellison. What is it? You know, American Psycho.

He was at some dinner and he said a lot of people were whispering to him that they're voting for Trump. Hollywood people. Holy shit. You believe that? What the hell's going on out here? I don't know. I don't fucking. I'll believe it when I see it, though. They're shitting their pants. Trust it though they're shitting their pants

trust me they're shitting their pants and like I said I really don't know I uh come on I like when somebody throws a monkey wrench into the works and that's what Trump's doing so I don't know why everybody's all

shitting their pants and I said it right on Gutfeld's show because everybody's like poo-pooing and laughing at him. And I go, what are you all afraid of? If he's such a moron, why are you so afraid? You know? Let me, can I just disavow you of the notion that you have to graduate with honors from an Ivy League school and be a genius to be the president of the United States? It's the biggest bunch of horseshit.

It's a government for, by, of the people. Of is the key one. Of. I would vote for an electrician if he had good common sense and fucking, before I'd vote for another Ivy League douche. And that's all we get, by the way,

is Ivy League douches. These elitist assholes who know nothing of the real world. Obama was president of the Law Review, Harvard Law Review and all that. He's as petty and as fucking simple. And Mitt Romney, he couldn't carry Mitt Romney's book bag, okay?

Nothing special, bottom of the hall. Or GW or fucking Al Gore. That's the thing. Give me a fucking, give me a Rubio, you know, or whatever, whose parents were bartenders or whatever. Although I don't even know what Rubio's, what did he go to, DeVry? I think he used to return kicks for the University of Central Florida. I don't know.

But do you see what I'm saying? It's so overrated. You know, you don't have to be a rocket scientist. And Trump sure isn't. He's a good businessman and shit. And like I said, I don't even know who I'm voting for at this point. I really don't. I'm going to let it play out some more.

I know that even, like I said, the libs say Ted Cruz is a brilliant guy and shit. It's a little creepy with that delivery. He can't help it. With that voice. You know, you know, Sean. Got to start working on those. Oh, by the way, come see me. Speaking of comedy, I've been neglecting my stand-up lately to do other stuff.

But come see me at the brokerage in Belmore, Long Island this Friday and Saturday night. One of my favorite joints. You know, my boy James that runs it. He looks like a bouncer at the Copacabana in the early 50s. Do not fuck with that guy. That's all I'm saying. The check was light, 200 bucks. I'm like, no problem.

Give me some chicken fingers. We'll cover it. Nice. But yeah, come see me at the brokerage this weekend. Belmore, Long Island. The very funny Kendrick Cunningham will be opening for me. Oh, and I'm doing Anthony Comey's podcast Thursday, this weekend. Belmore Long Island. The very funny Kendrick Cunningham will be opening for me. Oh, and I'm doing Anthony Comey's podcast Thursday, this Thursday, the 25th. And then I'm doing the College of Staten Island.

Eight, what am I saying, the 5th, not the 8th. The 5th of March. And Bananas in Hasbrook Heights, New Jersey, 11th and 12th of March. That's a day's accommodation. And then I'm doing a Louis, The Horse and Pete. I'm on another episode.

I'm shooting it in the middle of March. And you know, it airs on his website a day later after we get done, two days after we get done shooting. Side Split is in Tampa, March 31, April 1 and 2 the woman's club of minneapolis on april 9th i'm going there for one night it's a theater and uh anybody listening to this right now who's in the area that's going to it andcom thing got a little uh proposition for you

how did i get on to that oh anyway so uh yes so uh rubio edges cruise for second and uh i guess there's another debate Do you believe it on CNN Tuesday night? Mamma mia. Papadia. But here's an interesting little article by the, you know who she is, Hillary. Hillary. Yes, Hillary. Uh-oh, retard alert.

Oh, I didn't say she's retarded. Democratic presidential candidate, Hillary Rodham Clinton. Can we just fucking call her Hill? What she looks like. Why do they still write Hillary Rodham Clinton? See, they can't let it go. They're going to remind you that that was her maiden name, and she's still, you know, stuck. Any woman that keeps their maiden names a fucking twat's on too, by the way.

That's some old school for you. Democratic, I'm going to hit her on charges. You know, she says that corporate CEOs earn 300 times more than their workers. That's not only wrong. It hides another very real wage gap gap she earns more in just one speech here's one speech of her for her doing that she earns more than the average american ceo in a year mark j perry a university of michigan professor, he did the fact-checking of Clinton's numbers and came up with that result. The average CEO using Bureau of Labor Statistics figures makes $216,100.

Clinton's speaking agent, Harry Walker Agency, Inc., charged about $275,000 a speech and packaged three for Wall Street's Goldman Sachs at 675 large. Think about this. I speak every night. Well, when I do, I'm on the road and I'm headlining. I do an hour a night. If she's getting, and who would you rather see, me or this thick-ankled dog face? Who for the entertainment value? I know about as much as the economy she does. entertainment value i know about as much as the economy she does anyways she got 675 large for three speeches she gave for wall street goldman sachs um but the guy breaks down the numbers and you know hillary also said there's about a 300 to 1 300 to 1 wage gap you know from ceo to worker perry found that the average worker salary is 48 920 bucks that's about what it was in 2009 that translates into apples to apples wage gap of 4.4 to 1 not 300 to 1 4.4 to 1 if we want an accurate apples to apples comparison then

shouldn't we really be comparing the average ceo in the u.s to the average american worker and that answer to that is fucking yes you know she takes the ceo of exxon and compares it to like the fucking somebody that works at a bodega and goes look at the disparity look at the disparity in 2000 in 2014 there were 21 550 chief executive those are ceos working full-time managing a company or an enterprise. And those CEOs earned an average annual salary of $216,100. That's about the same annual salary of $201,030 for the average orthodontist. So the average private full-time American worker earned $48,000 in 2014. That's based on an average hourly wage of $24.46 an hour.

That would give us an average CEO to average worker pay ratio of 4.4 to 1 in 2014. And that ratio has been stable over the last eight years, states the article, between 2007 and 2014. Okay. states the article between 2007 and 2014. Okay, so it's not 300 to 1. Grossly exaggerated. Fucking liar. But what do you care? You people are voting for either one of those idiots.

Free shit, that's all. We don't care how it's paid for. They're going to give us free shit. They're going to take care of us. Doesn't matter, all the other shit, children. Uh-oh. Retard alert. Retard alert. Yeah. Hey, where are the white women at? I don't know. Probably Trump's house. How about that Melania? Oh my God. She'll be the second. She'll be the second First Lady I ever jerked off to. Barbara Bush and then her.

What? Who said that? What the? What the? Get, get, get. Who's that? Excuse me. Excuse me.

Dad, are you going to buy me one or not? No. I see you sucking on it. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Hillary, do you try to tell the truth? Well, I have to tell you, I have tried in every way I know how, literally from my years as a young lawyer all the way through my time as Secretary of State to level with the American people. You talk about leveling with the American people. Have you always told the truth? I've always tried to. Always.

She's always tried to. Some people are going to call that wiggle room that you just gave yourself. Always, always tried to. No, I'm not that. She needs a lot of room to wiggle. Got an ass on her like a fucking bandeau. Just a horrible, horrible, just a horrible candidate. How in fuck's name?

And then they show her giving speeches and she's crowing about white privilege and black kids being shot and just total horse shit. And there's those stupid fucking brainwash seals applauding behind there because they have areolas like hers. Oh, just a disgusting display. Makes me fucking sick. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Who's a little kid? I am. I am.

I am. Yeah, anyways. Well, let's wrap it up. I'll save the good ones for tomorrow. You know, a judge ordered 50 cent to explain why he's on Instagram. He's gonna picture himself on Instagram. Fucking, he's sitting on his bedroom floor

covered in cash. He's spelling out the word broke with cash. This is a guy that's in hock to the fucking IRS for fucking major, major league money. Oh my God. Why is everyone so fucking stupid? I don't fucking know, my friend. I really don't know. Anyways, kids, that's it for today. Good to talk to you again. I actually look forward to coming down here. I've got to pick a date to get these, you know what's done.

You know what you call them? When your guts start popping through? Hernias? Because now what happens, I work out, and after, my balls ache like, you get hit in the nuts. You guys are athletes, some of you. You girls, you have balls too that are listening. And, you know, when you get a fucking slap shot off the nuts you guys are athletes some of yous you girls you have balls too that are listening and uh you know when you get a fucking slap shot off the nuts or a ground ball at third takes a bat and your balls ache that dull ache and it turns into a stomach ache which turns into a dump

you know that i have that feeling all the time now after i work out or do anything strenuous um by strenuous i mean moving my balls anyways I think I better get to a doctor they're hanging over it looks like I'd say I'm about four and a half months pregnant right around the pube area anyways you kids have been great good to talk to you today and it's a true story really should get to a doctor that's about it we'll save these for tomorrow. A couple. And again, folks, I can't stress enough. I don't know what's going on, but the subscriptions are climbing. I feel like I'm on a rocket here. We might be on the ground floor or something great here.

But if you're listening, like I said, on iTunes and you want to get more of the show, two to three more a week, it's only going to cost you a buck a week i think you can handle it what are you fucking retarded um so yeah sign up at uh connect pal.com slash nick and and uh it's so easy and people are fucking loving it i'm loving it the goal is to never leave the house again. Unless, you know, there's an incident, my wife falls down the stairs or something,

I might get out of town. That's it. That's about all I got for today, kids. I love you very much. Talk to you real soon. Good night. Until we meet again. Adios. Au revoir.

Auf Wiedersehen guitar solo Bye.