The Nick DiPaolo Show - 124 - Mitt Attack, Cruz Wins, CK on Trump, Staten Island Gig

Episode Date: March 8, 2016

Mitt Attack, Cruz Wins, CK on Trump, Staten Island Gig

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hey, what's going on, kids? How are you? It's Monday. I don't know when you're going to listen to it, but it's Monday while I'm doing it. It's Monday, March the 7th. The Assist is ass. Yeah. Fresh back from Staten Island, College of Staten Island. Before I get to that, you know what I do at the top of the show. I thank everybody who's contributed to the show. And some dickwad on Twitter goes, I hear you're begging for donations. Why don't you ring a bell or something when somebody, or play an instrument?

First of all, begging for donations? I've never begged for a donation in my life. It's on the website. People donate. All I do is thank people for contributions. And so you're a dickhead. You're typical of what's on Twitter. And I'm glad Twitter's going on the toilet.

Anyways, just a fucking muttonhead. Just looking at the guy's picture. Just a fucking, everything that's wrong in the country. Anyways, that being said, thank you contributors. Especially John S.B. Wasson. I mean, a fat contribution. Tied for the biggest one, actually. I do believe that my records are correct.

Dan Leible, L-E-I-B-L-E. Thank you so much, Danny. Danny Boy. Steven Kovacic. Probably butchering that, Steve, but thanks so much, man. Robert Schlueter. Any Jones or Johnsons want to contribute? I'd appreciate that so I could get the name right.

Robert Schlueter. Thank you, buddy. Sorry if I butchered that rob jonathan keller twice since the last show donated and he's donated every month and uh chad either morel or mural thank you so much chad listen to all these things coming in and uh will erriman in and uh will erriman also thank you willie very much you guys are the best seriously and i appreciate it and if you ever hear me begging you can uh bitch slap me hey uh this is the monday show you guys will be listening to this on itunes stitcher iacast. Remember, if you like the DePaulo podcast and you want more, like two to three more shows a week, go to connectpal.com slash Nick. Connectpal.com slash Nick. C-O-N-N-E-C-T-P-A-L.com

slash Nick. February was our biggest month as far as people signing up for the podcast and paying a subscription of $3.99 a month. There was over like 70 people that signed up. Crazy, crazy, growing like a disease. Like, yeah, just unbelievable. So connectpal.com slash Nick if you guys want more of the show. All righty. And I thank you guys, uh, who listened, you know, to the,

the free one too. Uh, I appreciate it. Anyways, what was going on? Uh, where's my rundown of the show? I'm so fucking,

I came down at 10 o'clock this morning. It's one 37. I'm just getting going. I just suck at organizing shit. You think this was a three hour radio show? Um, where's the list of fucking stories i want to do um as i was uh coming on the air slash uh you know what i mean um i saw this uh story in the news tim

remington a pastor in coed alene idaho co-lean. Was shot in the back four times outside his church on Sunday, just one day after leading a prayer at a Ted Cruz rally. Are you shitting me? Why isn't this all over the media? Oh, I'd probably, I'm going to take a guess. I know this is speculation. You shoot a pastor of a church, you're probably an atheist or a left-wing fucking loon jerk-off.

That's what I'm guessing. I'm just going on a limb i'm probably wrong but uh shooter took place at two in the afternoon kyle odom i should have googled the guy i guess we could have found what he you know i'm just trying to get ahead of it because every time there's a shooting you know like the gabby giffords thing you remember the media try to pin it on a right wing uh and the guy had no political affiliations kyle odom 30 is a suspected uh is suspected of shooting remington in the back four times then fleeing the scene in a 2004 silver honda accord

with idaho license plate k578519 you have all this and you haven't got him yet anyways uh the local nbc affiliate said that oddom attended church services, then waited in his car until Remington came out into the parking lot. What a fucking coward. According to another affiliate, Alter Church Outreach, Pastor John Padula said Remington suffered a shattered pelvis, skull fracture, a broken arm, and a punctured lung. And you can see why, right? You want to shoot somebody like that, somebody who's just, you know,

spreading the word of the Lord, and I'm not a religious guy, but here's my take on religion. I'm not religious at all, but I'd rather have most of the people around me. I lived in Beverly Hills, and I was surrounded by Orthodox Jews. Couldn't have been better neighbors. And then you always hear the fucking idiots on the left. You know how many people, like Bill Maher, you know how many people, religion, how many people died in the name of religion?

Yeah, not as many as Pol Pot killed and fucking Stalin and all the other leftist atheists, fucking Hitler, who they try to say was a Christian atheist. Anyways, yeah, so apparently he's going to survive and expected to make a full recovery. That's a tough pastor, man. Shot four times by Kyle Odom. pastor man, shot four times by Kyle Odom.

Doesn't say whether he's... I'm doing a Godfather. I'm doing Michael Corleone finds out his veto was shot. Doesn't say whether he's alive. But anyways, who shoots a religious figure? I don't know. We'll find out.

But they'll put a spin on it. They'll keep that story quiet. I'm sure they will, won't they? Sure they will. So since we talked last, I mean, real shit storm went down, huh? Let's do it in kind of chronological order. Oh, first of all, Staten Island College, thank you guys. Thank you people for coming out.

It was a nice crowd. I love gigs like this. I mean, it's just a saturday night about an hour and 15 minute ride for me to staten island college i was making fun of the college i said it had all the warmth of a tennessee state prison the campus but you know it's a city college or whatever you know it's right outside of new york city in staten island so it's just i went to school up in bucolic maine up in orono there's a tree and a deer licking your ass every three feet you know you take a step there's birds chirping and chubby

girls from lewiston eating cheetos but uh you know it's uh the campus it was anyways i get there and i was thinking oh it's gonna be a ton of college kids which it wasn't it was depalo fans from you know who i'd see in new york at the comedy clubs or it was a combination a ton of college kids, which it wasn't. It was DePaulo fans from, you know, who I'd see in New York at the comedy clubs. It was a combination, and they were college kids. And I actually saw a couple of wheelchairs there. And, of course, I had to make fun. But they were like older women, and God bless them. They came out to see the genius that is DePaulo.

I agree. But, uh, did about an hour and five minutes and it was just fun. No pressure. It's just fun. I love what I do for a fucking living. Thank you for coming out and took pictures afterwards. And you guys are the best man, honest to God. And coming back to, uh, Westchester, you know, it was fucking great. Staten Island Expressway, Verrazano Bridge, ba-ba-ba. You know, actually, I was on the Brooklyn Bridge. And, I mean, when you're on BQE at night coming into New York City, you have to see it. It is breathtaking, the skyline.

It's like you could reach out and touch it to your left if you're coming from Staten Island back into Manhattan. And it's just fucking phenomenal. It's just, it was it's just yeah it was just it was a great gig thanks a lot let's get to it uh romney attacking uh trump this is a few days ago but i'm doing this in chronological order as you know mitt romney uh come out after trump because the establishment is, Trump has got the world scared, and it's fucking hilarious, even my buddy, uh, Louis CK came out with a big statement, anti-Trump, comparing him to Hitler, and I'll get to that in a few minutes, uh, but he's got the world shit in their pants, because, oh my God, we have somebody showing a little nationalism, a little, a little too jingoistic, I for the for the rest of the world god forbid after eight years of this fucking anti-american american hating president

uh and again i didn't say i'm voting for trump i think he's a thin-skinned big girl sometimes and a bit of a blowhard and a used car dealer but you know what we needed a breath of fresh he had to shake the shit up i don't i i still don't know how i'm voting but the fact that he's got everybody on the left shit in their pants uh is just fucking priceless to me and um before i even get to ronnie remember i said and i said back in the summer when trump first started running and and then i you know i said if you wanted to design a candidate you know how cynical i got i i said I wouldn't put it past the left. You know my theory. There's like 12 people in a room, 20 people, elitists that run the world, George Soros and 11 other people.

I don't know who they are, but this is all kabuki fucking theater. It's all scripted. And I said this on my earlier podcast. You can go back and check about Trump. And I said this on my earlier podcast, you can go back and check, about Trump. If you were trying to piss off the left and to mobilize their base, you would create a Donald Trump, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, billionaire white guy who is the, you know, they think he is the devil, the left. And if you wanted to fire up your base, wouldn't you create a guy like that? And I said I was cynical enough to believe it's all scripted all scripted that he's a fucking i don't know what to believe anymore but i'm not the only one to have that theory because of all people oscar de la jolla said this this weekend i i truly feel

that uh that uh at the end of the day i think he's trying to get hillary clinton uh elected nick from a punchy uh mex? Yeah, I'm telling you. I am so fucking cynical and confused right now. It makes perfect sense. Weirder things have happened. There's a lot more conspiracy theaters that are way more crazy than that in the world. But wouldn't he be the guy? Seriously, think about it for a second.

Even the way he had all this. This weekend, he had a big rally, Trump rally. He made all the people in the audience raise their hands to take an oath that they would vote for him. But it was very, you know, this is why the Hitler things are coming out. I have never been more entertained in my life. And like I said, I don't really like him. He still seems like a big dolt and like an empty suit, which makes me almost believe what dale ahoya said and what i was saying back in the beginning of this uh campaign might be true i don't know what the

fucking belief but uh and i mentioned that to colin quinn on the phone he goes you know you'd have to be a pretty good act in a poll and i know it's a real leap of faith to believe that either way even if it is or it isn't i like the fact that they're so upset on the left they're so comparing him to hitler because he said some negative things about mexicans and muslims and oh they're just shitting their pants where's this evil coming from like he's any more evil and fucking dark than barack obama who we know nothing about after eight years of being the president almost eight years still can't get his tram skit transcripts from columbia nobody's come forward and said yeah i sat next to him in college in this class and that class still don't know anything

about this fucking guy raised by communists the shit we do know is very anti-american how is that any more dangerous how is trump any more dangerous? How is Trump any more dangerous than the fucking guy that's running the place right now? If you believe in this country and it's exceptionalism, which I know is a joke to my friends on the left. But anyways, here's Romney going after Trump. You guys may have

not heard this. I do this show because you guys have lives, you have families and shit, and you don't have time to watch all this crap or listen to it, but I do. a comedian i'm a real adult here's romney going after uh going after uh after the donald uh i think this is foreign policy something let me turn to national security and the safety of our homes and loved ones. Trump's bombast is already alarming our allies. His bombast? And fueling the enmity of our enemies.

Ooh, enmity. That's a big goddamn word. Insulting all Muslims. We'll keep many of them from fully engaging with us in their urgent fight against ISIS. And for what purpose? I don't believe that for a second. Muslim terrorists would only have to lie about their religion to enter the country. And then what he said about it at 60 Minutes.

Did you hear this? It was about. First of all, this is the type of mentality that kept Romney from getting elected. He sounds like a liberal right there. The old blowback theory. If you say bad things about, you know, people who are trying to kill us, it's only going to make them more mad. Yeah. That's why, you know, you're on the sideline, dummy.

In my opinion. And he's not a dummy, by the way, I'm not. You guys, you know, my feeling around me. I thought he made a great president. I say that because I think he's a decent guy. That's what I look at first. I mentioned in the last show, the worst they could dig up was him being a bully in prep school. He he actually cut some guy's hair or they held him down or something. That's the worst they could come up with.

I think he's a good and decent guy. And yeah, he's a little too liberal for me. But I think he, you know, obviously we know after seven and a half years of dum-dum that Romney would have been fucking 20 times the president, in my opinion. But, you know,

but right now when he attacks Trump, he's, you know, might as well be a Democrat. Syria and ISIS, and it has to go down as the most ridiculous and dangerous idea of the entire campaign season. Let ISIS take out Assad, he said, and then we can pick up the remnants. Now, think about that. Let the most dangerous terror organization the world has ever known take over an entire country. This recklessness is recklessness in the extreme now donald trump tells us that he is very very smart

i'm afraid that when it comes to foreign policy he is very very not smart you notice he didn't say dumb he's just showing how he won't stoop to the level of ah then he went after what else did he say about Trump he went after his well his personal temperament you know now I'm far from the first to conclude that Donald Trump lacks the temperament to be president. After all, this is an individual who mocked a disabled reporter, who attributed

a reporter's questions to her menstrual cycle, who mocked a brilliant woman who happened to be a woman due to her appearance, who bragged about his marital affairs, and who laces his public speeches with vulgarity. Donald Trump says he admires Putin at the same time he's called George W. Bush a liar.

That is a twisted example of evil trumping good. Yeah, but what happened, Mitt? What happened? And again, I'm kind of a Romney fan. You know, I'm not this... Only because, like I said, there's nobody far enough right for me. So anyways, he's leading the revolt. He's leading this Republican establishment, quote unquote,

to try to, you know, fuck this up for Trump. And Trump's just going to, I don't know what the fuck. I mean, if they ever try to do that or whatever, you know, try to pull it away from him, he's just going to, at the convention or whatever, he's just going to take a zillion followers and go, fuck you, we're taking a ball and going home. a zillion followers and go, fuck you, we're taking a ball and going home. And then Hillary, if she isn't in jail, probably won't be because of a complicit media and thick-ankled dog face will sit her fat, chubby, lesbian ass right in the Oval Office.

And, you know, so they have to be very careful here. Somebody has to, if you want Trump not to be the nominee, it's not even clear he's going to be yet. We'll talk about what happened over the weekend. There was a couple of more caucuses and slash primaries, and you're going to have to sit on with Trump, you know, and try to talk to him, but you not gonna you're not gonna fucking pull a revolt but i'm like i said i'm not a huge fan of trump either but i like how he she he is shaking it up and you know what you you you this is what happened when you fucking

ignored the base of the republican party whether it was obamacare or the bailout you just fucking said fuck you we going to do what we want. Your fucking opinions don't matter. And you really pissed a lot of people off. And Donald Trump is the byproduct of that, I guess. Not to get too fucking heavy.

Here's one more slam that Romney says, watch Trump's reaction to this speech. Watch, by the way, how he responds to my speech today. It's a preemptive strike. Uh-oh, retard alert. Retard alert.

And Trump did respond to Romney attacking him. He disappeared. He disappeared. And I wasn't happy about it, I'll be honest, because I am not a fan of Barack Obama, and that was a race and i backed mitt romney let's talk about romney losing him you can see how loyal he is he was begging for my endorsement i could have said mitt drop to your knees he would have dropped to his knees

he was begging mitt what the hell's going on out here? I don't know, you know, all my comedian friends, all you lefties, all you fucking everybody. They're such they consider themselves radicals and revolutionaries. And now you got somebody throwing a monkey wrench into it and they're scared shitless because of the way he's doing it. So bigoted and oh, my God, he's Hitler. Fucking priceless, man. so this is so interesting i don't know uh i don't uh i think the media you know they've been giving trump all this time i mean if you look at it really is like a ploy to draw in we'll create a fucking candidate like trump and the media will help him become the biggest thing and then fucking uh you don't know who to believe though because he is uh bringing a lot of people

to the republican party i mean look at the ratings of the debates and and and 20 000 people in massachusetts 20 000 dems changed either to you know to republican or independent. He really is bringing in tons of new voters, Republicans, of all stripes, actually. So he can make that argument. I don't know. There's all kinds of polls out there. He'll get crushed by Hillary. Other ones say he'll beat Hillary. You know, the Dems, their turnout is way down as far as all these primaries.

And the Republicans is up, way up. So that's why Dems are shitting their pants and so afraid of Trump. So, you know, but then all the fucking, all the nominees said they, they took a pledge right on stage at the debate the other night saying, you know, even if Trump was the nominee, they would back him. But this thing is far from over. And I believe it is weird he's not releasing his taxes. And the New York Times, all these, they haven't even begun to go to work on Trump.

I guess Trump said something off the record with a report of the New York Times about immigration. And maybe, you know, he's just talking. Of course, he's not going to build on it, but he won't spill the beans. And but Ted Cruz addressed that to this Sunday, one of the Sunday morning shows. Cruz talked about the media and. And Donald Trump. And listen, frankly, one of the reasons the media wants Donald to be the nominee is because the media knows Donald can't win the general, that Hillary would wallop him. Donald may be the only person on the face of the planet that Hillary Clinton can beat. And all of the attacks on Donald that the media is not talking about now, you better believe come September, October, November, if he were the nominee, every day on the nightly news would be taking Donald apart. And the stakes are too high for us to risk that.

The media also thought that he wasn't going to get this far. So that's hardly it. That's true at first. Let's be clear. The media has given Donald Trump hundreds of millions of dollars of free advertising. When you put Donald, when every press conference is carried live on every television station and you essentially have a massive in-kind contribution from the media, that's helped create this phenomenon. And then I think an awful lot of reporters, I can't tell you how many media outlets I hear, you know, have this great expose on Donald

on different aspects of his business dealings or his past. But they said, you know what, we're going to hold it to June or July. We're not going to run it. You're saying reporters have told you that? Absolutely. You know, look, I'm not going to out media outlets, but I can tell you there is so much there. When was the last time people are bringing up his tax returns? For example, we had a debate last night, didn't hear a word about his tax returns. Every other serious I could have and i do often but as mitt romney greatly observed the fact that donald won't hand over his tax returns suggests there's a bombshell in there the the fact that journalists are not raising the question

of what donald trump told the new york times editorial board the reports are but the journalist brought it up which gave you the platform to talk about it. So surely they are. BuzzFeed wrote about it. BuzzFeed. You know, I promise you, come the general election. It's considered mainstream. That will be the singular focus of the media. And I think Republicans, we've been burned by that before.

We're not interested in losing again, particularly when the stakes, I think, are. Yeah, but Ted, don't they have shit on you? That's what they do. I remember when Giuliani was going to run. I remember Quinn, Colin Quinn knew Giuliani from S&L and shit. But he said to me, wait till the New York Times goes to work on him. They did. So, you know, Cruz is smart, man. He's a step ahead of the game. But I'm wondering what they got on him, you know? So, you know, Cruz is smart, man. He's a step ahead of the game. But I'm wondering what they got on him, you know. Anyways, but I got to believe there's a ton of shit on Trump, whether it's taxes.

I mean, you can't have that big a company, that much money without some fucking shady shit going down, right? And, you know, damn well, you know, they're holding it for the general election, like you said, if he's the nominee. So, which it looks like he's gonna be this is fucking beautiful isn't it i mean you can't do but you can't build skyscrapers in new york and and hold chunks of manhattan and being a billionaire without doing business some shady people and skimming here and there on texas uh something tells me it's going to implode um but like crew said you know they want him to they're gonna hope he is the nominee to let all that shit fly come september and october right before the election what kind of theory that's all the shit people on the left don't admit to. The media. The fucking worst.

Anyways, kids. Man, I got a fever. Fuck. I've been choking on my own phlegm for about two months now. I don't know what the fuck it is. People with AIDS and Ebola. Full blown healthier than me right now. Do you ever work out when you have a fever?

It's kind of weird. It's a different have a fever? It's kind of weird. It's a different kind of sweat. It's kind of clammy and shit. And then you feel like four times worse. That's what I did yesterday. And I'm going to do it again today. Turned into a fat fuck.

What else did I want to talk about? Oh, the results. The results of the primaries over the weekend. You know, not fucking majorly important states, but you know, you do have to have 1,237 delegates to win if you're a Republican or 2383, if you're Bernie or thick-ankled dog face. Cruz had a good weekend.

He smoked Trump in Kansas, 48-23. Donald won Kentucky. He had 36% of the vote. And Donald won Louisiana. And that was really microscopic over Cruz. And then Cruz won Maine. Smoked, Jesus. He beat the stuffing out of Trump in Maine and Kansas.

So Trump has 374 delegates. Cruz has 293. Rubio, who won Puerto Rico today, it's true, has 123. But he's still in there because they're going to Florida. And Kasich has 34, and he's still in it

because they're going to go to Ohio. Those are the winner-take-all, whatever. So it's far from over, folks. As much as people talking about a broken convention and the establishment stealing this from Trump, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, so Cruz, it's legit, man. Cruz is hanging in there.

He's, what, 81 delegates behind. It's fucking weird, isn't it? How they do this. It's almost too much. Excuse me. Then on the other side, where they're pretending to have a, pretend to having an election

to see who's the Democrat nominee will be for president. It's really a fucking farce. Thick-ankled dog face. Actually, Bernie had a good weekend he had smoked hillary in kansas 68 to 32 and then he fucking wiped her big fat ass in nebraska 57 43 hillary won louisiana 71 23 because of the african-american vote she's the fucking you you know, they talk about, are you with me, you fans? I know you think I can vote like I do.

Is really what Trump's saying and all the stuff about Muslims and Mexicans, and he was talking about the illegal ones, by the way, it's such fucking horseshit. The further away we get from when he actually said it, the more twisted the news reports it, like he was just shitting on everybody. But really, is that any more

evil than playing the race card like hillary clinton does and the fucking left every two seconds it's a rigged game and the republicans uh they basically doing jim crow laws as far as letting you vote you're gonna tell me what trump's saying is more evil than that? Bull fucking shit. Bullshit. It's a rigged game, the economy. Don't you know that? Women and minorities. You need Hillary in the Dems.

Because it's a rigged game. The Republicans are rigged. What horse shit? That's more evil than anything Trump's ever said in his fucking life, in my opinion. And that's why he's doing so well. People like me and people who vote like me being called bigots and racists for the last 40 years. That means they started when I was 14. But seriously, keep that up. Maybe we'll get a new Hitler. But don't you see where that's coming from why do you think that resonated so much trump saying those things and why he's doing so well because uh all we've been

hearing from the left whether it's obama or hillary or fucking bill clinton uh you know harry reid it's all i've been hearing pelosi that we're bigots if we don't agree with everything they say and racists and all the shit so that's what it's come down to and it's why trump is so popular Harry Reid. It's all we've been hearing, Pelosi, that we're bigots if we don't agree with everything they say, and racists and all this shit. So that's what it's come down to, and it's why Trump is so popular. So you guys should thank yourself, people on the left. Give yourself a nice pat on the ass for making him so popular. People have had enough.

People have had to fuck enough. Like I said, he seems like a big, dolt, empty suit to me. But at least he's letting you know there's something called freedom of of fucking speech either believe in it or you don't okay dildoics even on an international level this is a good headline today foreign diplomats voicing alarm to u.s officials about trump it was accidental anyways i thought the show was gonna end early didn't you foreign diplomats are expressing alarm to u.s government officials about what they say is inflammatory and insulting public statements by republican presidential frontrunner Donald Trump. Yet none of these people have any problem with Hillary playing the fucking race card or Obama dividing us by gender and race and everything fucking else.

So now what? We have Donald Trump asked to watch his language because people in other countries, low-level diplomats, are fucking offended by what he's saying? Eat a dick and die. All he is. Officials from Europe, the Middle East, Latin America, and Asia have complained in recent private conversations, mostly about the xenophobic nature of Trump's statements.

Yeah, what's your point? As the Trump rhetoric has continued, in some cases amped up, so too have concerns by certain leaders around the world. Oh, no. Oh, no. The three officials declined to disclose a full list of countries whose diplomats have complained, but two said they included India. Who gives a fuck? South Korea. Who gives a fuck? Japan. Who gives a fuck? Mexico. Who gives a fuck?

Senior leaders and so, of course they're nervous because we won't, you know, we might not outsource jobs to their shitty countries anymore. That's why they're fucking nervous. He's got everybody nervous. That's what makes me like him a little bit. Senior leaders in several countries, including Britain, Mexico, France, and Canada, ooh, Canada, they're very important, have already made public comments criticizing Trump's position. By the way, they just elected a guy that makes Obama look like Newt Gingrich up in Canada. Half a fag for dough. German economy minister Sigmar Gabriel branded Trump

a threat to peace and prosperity in an interview published on Sunday. Did he really, man? Hold on, I'm going to pull up a clip. Not of him.

Who cares with these fucking, and they're low-level diplomats. Who gives a shit? But even on a worldwide scale, it's his xenophobia that bothers him oh my goodness you know what bothers me how obama went around apologized for america when he got elected and how much he hates this country and how people should you know bitter people hold on to their guns and bibles. Remember all that shit? That's what bothers me.

I'm not like everybody here. What's Nick doing? He's trying to pull something up. That would he be doing? Oh, where the hell is it? Oh, for fuck's sake, I can't find it. Not important, really. It's just that Hitler clip that I always play.

You guys know what I'm talking about. So, Donald, you better watch your tongue. You're pissing off people in third world shitholes. So Donald, you better watch your tongue. You're pissing off people in third world shitholes. Oh, this lady here, Claudia Ruiz-Messio. She's a spokesperson for the Mexican government. Actually, she's a top diplomat.

She said that Trump's policies and comments were ignorant and racist, and that his plan to build a border wall to stop illegal immigration was absurd. Is that what you said, Madam Mousseau? Fuck you! Fuck you! Problem? You're the fucking problem? That's right You're the problem, Miss Mousseau Who gives a shit what she thinks? Fuck nut Do y'all really believe we're going to live in a borderless world?

That wet dream, that utopian wet dream that you guys have? Really? It doesn't work that way. People invade other countries and they try to take over other countries. It's one thing that's been consistent throughout the history of the fucking world. And she's right, though, about the absurdity of the big wall. It really is silly unless you militarize it. That's the answer. You don't even need a fence. You just string out a couple thousand. Every 10 miles, put about 400 soldiers.

I don't care if it's National Guardsmen. That's all you do. And then anybody sneaking in, you shoot them. That's how you protect your borders. That's how it's always been done. That's if you're serious about border security and you believe in sovereign nations and shit like that. You know, silly old concepts like that. That's what you do.

You militarize it. Put tanks there and all kinds of shit. Militia and all that stuff. Did I say every 10 miles? How about every 20 feet? Cub scouts with slingshots. I i mean that's if you're serious so it would be a waste of money to build a giant wall you know a couple of guns that's all it really would take wouldn't it sure Sure. But, uh,

now you love Trump, uh, Romney would get down on his knees. How crude. Ah. So what did Louis say, my pal Louis? Uh, and here's why, okay, let me tell you about CK. When I say he's liberal, I mean that

in the good sense of the word, as in what liberals used to be. They used to listen to both sides and be open-minded and shit. That's how he is. He'll listen to both sides of the fucking... And he's proven that by that first episode of Louie when him and I got in a fight, which I wanted to... I couldn't find the goddamn clip, but, you know, he...

In that scene, remember the first episode of Louie on FX? The very first scene, me and him arguing at the Comedy Cellar about Obama, and he invokes Hitler. It's very relevant to what he said this weekend. And I say in that scene, is that all you got is fucking Hitler, that entire reference to Hitler?

But it was awesome. It was a fucking awesome scene, and it was so well done that people, it looked like that we were winging the whole argument, but every word of it was scripted. I'm actually more proud of that than anything. Only part nobody's going to believe is him ended up on top of me in a wrestling match. This is from The Atlantic, which is a very left-wing publication. I'll read this article from The Atlantic first. Over the weekend, comedian Louis C.K. made news for telling his fans in an email that Donald Trump is like Adolf Hitler. And this guy says, and that's a bit much, isn't it? Doing the apprentice for NBC while selling ties is rather unlike attempting a coup in Munich,

being in prison, and blaming the Jews. The art of the deal isn't exactly my income, but get to how you really feel, Atlantic. I say that as someone who abhors Trump's nakedly bigoted campaign tactics, he's the only person who could ever cause me to vote for Hillary or Marco Rubio. This is the Atlantic talk and not Louis. Still, I get why folks intended to vote for Trump

would delete the Hitler email or dismiss the news stories about it. And yet, if they look beyond the lazy Hitler comparison to a short section at the very bottom of Louis C.K.'s email, they find a far more persuasive criticism, one that stands out from what most pundits, celebrities, Mexican government officials, and undecided voters are saying about Trump. So this is a quote from a little passage from Louis' longer statement. Louis says about Trump is a messed up guy with a hole in his heart that he tries to fill with money and attention and can never ever have enough of either and he'll never stop

trying he's sick which makes him really really interesting and he pulls you towards him which somehow feels good or fascinatingly bad that's uh i believe he's he can't get enough attention or money. I believe that very much. But you can say that about a lot of people. A lot of fucking people. You know? Who are in politics. You don't think Hillary Clinton's a media pig or fucking loves money?

At least Trump doesn't try to hide it. What has Hillary made in her husband with their stupid foundation? And doing it, you know, under the guise of helping people, but really, you know, getting 300,000 a pop. And buying, giving people political influence if they contribute to the founding. How is that any fucking worse than Trump? And I agree, he's an egomaniac and shit

and all that, but the Hitler comparison, you know, Hitler wasn't dumb. I don't think Donald's even one-tenth as smart as Hitler was, so I don't think Donald's even one-tenth as smart as Hitler was. So I don't think he could pull it off. But then John Oliver, you know him. He's the new HBO lefty.

He had the way in with his horse shit. And he says, now I know I'm biased, being willing to support almost any candidate over Trump. Then he says, even though I don't particularly like most of them either. But Trump fans, shouldn't you be worried that all these comedians are so ardently against your guy? Comedians aren't, after all, a politically correct community. Yeah, they are. Why don't you look yourself in the mirror, dummy? You couldn't get any more.

This is what's funny. He doesn't see himself as politically correct. These are people who delight in traveling from town to town, babbling into a mic and violating all taboos. Well, most of the comedians I'm surrounded by are

Democrats, are libs. And they're scared shit of free speech. They'd outlaw the N-word and college campuses. Really? There's no place in the world where speech is more limited

than college campuses. And those are run by guys like you, John Oliver. I should say guys, people with your same politics as you. He says, comedians dislike the establishment as much as you do and mock it mercilessly. Actually, they don't. They don't. That's like when Jon Stewart, he spoke truth to power. He is the power. You guys don't see it. You run the media. You run the college campuses. That's the status quo. That's the establishment.

And me and like four other comedians are the ones who go against the fucking grain. Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay. But do you see how they don't even see that they're part of the problem? They're so close to it. Louis brings up uh you know in his uh

he brings up in his whole thing i think he did it on facebook i don't know where he put it out but it was a whole long thing he goes please stop please stop it voting for trump it was funny for a little while but the guy is Hitler. By that I mean that we are being Germany in the 30s. Really? Come on. Do you think they saw the shit coming? Hitler was just some hilarious and refreshing dude with a weird comb over who would say anything at all.

And he says, I'm not advocating for Hillary or Bernie. I like them both, but frankly, I wish the next president was a conservative only because we had Obama for eight years and we need balance. And that's what I've been saying. I don't know if he believes that or not. Probably does.

He's become more tolerant of guys like me. But yeah, after eight years of the most ultra-liberal president in the history of this country, that's what I say. Give me Rush Limbaugh

on steroids as an ex-president. Just to bring the pendulum back to the middle a little bit. Louie says, and not because I particularly enjoy the conservative agenda, I just think government should reflect the people. And we are about 40% conservative and 40% liberal.

I know the 40% conservative is the right number i don't know about 40 liberal it might as well be 90 liberal because you have the media and the college campuses and uh he says when i was growing up and when i was a younger man liberals and conservatives were friends with differences they weren't enemies and he demonstrates that on his show by letting me have my say and him having his say if you notice and he And he did it on Horace and Pete, too, this year. Check that out if you haven't. And it always made sense that everyone gets a president they like for a while

then hates the president for a while. But it only works if the conservatives put up a good candidate. Oh, not the Dems? It's always up to the conservatives to put up a good, smart conservative to face the liberal candidates so they can have a good argument. I like how we're the ones who have to, the obligation is on the conservatives to come up with a good, smart conservative to face a liberal candidate so they can have a good argument. I like how we're the ones who have to, the obligation is on the conservatives to come up with a good candidate. Trump is not that.

He's an insane bigot. He is dangerous. I just don't feel that. He already said he would expand libel laws to sue anyone. Here's where Louie loses me a little bit bit who writes a negative hit piece about him he says i would open up the libel law laws so we can sue them and win lots of money not like now these guys are totally protected this is trump talking about the media louis says he said that he has promised to decimate the first amendment i see now you got you're just coming around to worrying about the First Amendment now? How about when conservative radio guys

get booted for making an off-color joke? Or when me and Artie had to apologize to some Asian group because we made some Asian joke when Jeremy Lin was playing. You know, conservative talk show hosts who's the radio talk show guys get booted all the time for saying off-color stuff.

And what about college campuses where they literally, Michigan, Michigan State has people on campus that are assigned to walk around and listen, listen for anything that might be bigoted. I mean, see, and now you guys, you're worrying about trump and the first amendment first amendment's been under attack by the left for the last 50 years remember that thing the the fairness act they were trying to pass they in conservative

talk radio they wanted to have it if rush lambert gets three hours there has to be somebody on his station that gets three hours to balance it out. It fucking doesn't say that in the First Amendment. But, you know what I mean? Who's really trying to shut down free speech? Guys like Trump? Because he said that about suing people? Saying bad shit about them? How's it feel, left? Of course, that would never happen

in a million years. But people get in trouble all the time with conservative views. And they get targeted by the IRS. There's a million examples. You all know the fucking drill. It's just a little, that's the only part where, you know,

I just totally disagree a thousand percent. Anyways. So, he was all over the news but i you know what i like the fact he put him he says in the article he goes i know i'm gonna take a bunch of shit oh here's another celebrity with a point of view blah blah blah but uh at least he put himself out there i don't give a shit and i don't care when and it doesn't bother me when sean penn speaks about politics. I mean, if you got a fucking microphone, it never fucking bothered me. We get to make fun of Louie if we don't like what

he's saying. I get to make fun of Sean Penn. It's fun. It's the First Amendment. But I just, now they're scared about free speech. Because Trump is saying he'll sue anybody who, you know.

And like I said, free speech has been under attack on college campuses, anywhere that's run by libs for fucking 50 years now. It's priceless. Anyways. I'm doing another Horace and Pete by the way next week this weekend

where am I bananas Hasbrook Heights New Jersey so come on out I didn't plug my dates hey so come on out. I didn't plug my dates. Hey,

under free speech, this is the headline. Public school students taught to pledge allegiance to an international flag. This is from last Friday. It's widely accepted that American public schools are controlled by liberals. It seems like every day we see new examples of American school children being indoctrinated with left-wing ideas. And again, all this falls on deaf ears to John Oliver and the like.

The latest examples brought to attention by a concerned parent. Kindergarten students from PS75, a public school in New York City, where the fuck else, recently took part in a class project in which the children were made to create an American flag with the flags of other 22 other nations superimposed over the stripes. Below the flag reads the words, We pledge allegiance to an international flag.

Guys, you're all right with that, I guess. I'm fucking real. So there's the picture of the American flag, where the stripes are. There's like, you know, German flag, Puerto Rican, Canadian. The flag is being auctioned off as a way to raise funds

for the Parent Teacher Association. The students made a beautifully painted, stretched canvas American flag, then applied flags from all the Spanish-speaking countries onto the stripes of the American flag. All the children chose a flag to color using colored pencils, and they were glued together

on a large American flag. The stars are are cut canvas which are painted and decorated with real gold and crystal colors oh my god although the description claims the flags are limited to spanish-speaking countries the russian flag is amongst those that are included ah i'm fucking real indoctrination that's why you're evil fucks on the left you get you actually go after the children and hey i got news for you righties out there you conservatives you lost the culture war a long time ago you got smoked and the only way you're going to turn it around is to do what they did. Get your claws into the media. I know you have

Fox News Channel, supposedly, and a little bit of talk radio, but it's going to take a lot more than that. And it's going to take about 50 years to spin it the other way because that's how long

it took the libs to win this fucking war as far as the culture wars go. And I won't be around to see the results of that. I don't know if this country will be around by then. Let's be honest. But you got to get them while they're young.

Got to get them in first grade. Teach them that America's bad. Again, that utopian web dream just don't fly because people are involved and we're flawed and there's evil all over the world speaking of evil uh peyton manning's retiring and nancy regida no just a joke uh hey uh peyton manning is retiring he's probably giving a press conference right now but that's no surprise. Unless you're a fucking male belly dancer

and you didn't know that was coming. And Nancy Reagan died. That was no surprise. She was in her late hundreds and weighed 11 pounds. What, eight of that was her head. But no, she was a nice lady, I guess. I don't know.

I don't give a fuck. She loved writing. Now they can be together. People believe that? Do you believe that? You die and you're going and now they can be together. People believe that? Do you believe that? You die and you're going to be together? If you really did believe that,

would we even have funerals and make big deals about when a loved one died? Wouldn't we just go, ah, fuck, we'll have to see him later. I've got to get to work. Anyways,

those are the big headlines. But, Peyton Manning, probably the second best quarterback ever to play in the game. And you know who was first, and he's still playing. He's going to play for about four more years. That's right. That very lovely, that very handsome, very talented. And he's, oh, by the way, they're still going after the deflate gate thing. They won't let that go. And like somebody said, even if he was guilty or not somebody said on espn my favorite station uh even if he's guilty or not might have been barber i don't know who was but

it's literally uh about the play gate it's like the jaywalking of the shit that goes on in the nfl will be like a violation equivalent to jaywalking in real life i thought that was pretty well put anyways what else i want to tell you guys before I go you been watching vinyl like I told you to Martin Scorsese Bobby Cannavale is so god damn good as Richie Finestra

he's a coked up fucking guy runs a music company in the 70's the music is great it's very Scorsese it's hip it's funny at times even dice clay was in it for an episode or two and uh you gotta watch it it's really fucking good it's got me hooked just what do you expect from Scorsese? I guess they spent the $100 million. Even Ray Romano's in it, playing like a sleazy partner to Bobby Cannavale. He's a partner. He's all coked up.

And Olivia Wilde, Jason Sudeikis' wife, who's just stunning. Stunning, and she's a great actress. And I fucking love the show. Absolutely love it. They spent like $100 million. show absolutely love it it's on hb they spent like a hundred mil you know and i guess when the first episode premiered they didn't get the numbers they were expecting but it's one of those things it'll suck you in you know i mean scorsese man like i said conor varley can act his balls up i think uh max casella is that his name remember benny from the sopranos

he's in it and a bunch of good actors. And the fucking music's great. The story's great. I'm really enjoying it. I'm really enjoying it. And the other one. Oh, fucking Ray Donovan. Again, I'm way behind on my TV.

It's because I work nights, folks. You know, I'm out there honing my craft so I can go to places like Bananas and make $8. It's a daily situation. But Ray Donovan, people kept telling me to watch it year after year, like they did Mad Men, and I kept putting it off, and then I watched Mad Men and fucking loved it. But Ray Donovan's fucking, it's great.

It's about this fixer, you know, the guy that, you know, celebrities get in trouble, they make a mess, and they call in the fixer, what's his name, I don't know, Lee, Lee Abschreiber, I'm probably saying his first name wrong, but you know who he is, he's great, he's the lead character, and John Voight's his dad, they're supposedly like a Boston family, John Voight's a fucking riot, he's a degenerate, you guys might have already watched it, but I'm enjoying it. Jon Voight's great. He plays sort of like a whitey bulger, kind of a guy who did 20 years for coke and other things.

And his kid was molested by a priest. He takes care of that in the first episode. And then he goes out to L.A. where his son lives, Ray Donovan. la where his son lives ray denovan and uh it's it makes for some fucking i binge watched yesterday and last night about six episodes so it's got me hooked very derivative though again as far as the writing and shit i see i see blatant rips off here and there of the Sopranos and Breaking Bad and um you know I don't want to get too technical but but you can see it if you know anything about that but that being said it's really entertaining the acting is really good and uh John Voight is worth the price of admission just his creepy he's on a plane like in the first episode as a lady breastfeeding he's like staring

out of the corner of his eye at her the guy's like in his late 70s you know and he's just fucking he like winks at her it's like creepy perverted and he's got a son who's a drunk and a coke addict and you know the kid was molested and you know the kid's trying to stay clean and sober and he's you know he's fucking john voight's drinking with him and doing blow i suggest you watch it if you have the time anyways that's all i got kids again go to connect pal dot com slash nick if you'd like to sign up for the podcast 399 a month that's a buck a week come see me uh this weekend bananas hasbrook heights friday and saturday night and then a side split is in tamper tamper who am i bernie sanders tamper

tampa jesus march 31st through april 2nd and then april 9th the Women's Club of Minneapolis. That's one night only. It's a theater. And then March 20, excuse me, April 9th. And then April 21, 22, 23, I'm at Dr. Grin's, Grand Rapids, Michigan. April 29 and 30, the Arlington Draft House in Arlington, Virginia. And look out, we got Ha Comedy and Yonkers. It's a brand new club. I'm going to be there May 13th and 14th. That is it. That is all I got here.

I will talk to you kids soon. Thanks for tuning in again. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no

I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life Good day, everybody. guitar solo guitar solo Bye.