The Nick DiPaolo Show - 132 - Violent People for Tolerance, Trump Beating Hillary

Episode Date: May 3, 2016

Violent People for Tolerance, Trump Beating Hillary

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Good evening. Good afternoon. Good morning. Good night. Whenever you're listening to this Nick DiPaolo podcast. How are you, folks? Fresh back from my trip to Arlington, Virginia, slash the D.C. area. Fun road trip. One of my favorite favorite gigs thank you for coming out all of you people three shows packed and uh it's a great gig what can i say

it's a politically correct area only because there are stones thrown from washington dc and that cancer spreads to the suburbs so the first few minutes I have to convince these audiences in Arlington and in those areas that, hey, don't let the poison seep into your brain too deep that's coming from next door. And then after they see that I'm relentless and I'm not going to give in and don't give a shit, they see it my way and we have a great time. Crowds are great down there i mean fuck i absolutely love it one of my favorite gigs folks if you like the nick de palo podcast remember you

get this free on itunes on mondays but if you like it which most people do you can sign up at connectpal.com slash nick connectpal.com slash nick and you'll get two to three more shows a week at $3.99 a month that's not even a buck a week and uh yep the thing has been growing since december and it's still on the uptick so jump on the bandwagon get on the army will you it would be great if you did um and as you know, I take contributions also from the show because, like I said, a buck a week is not going to, you know. But I got a bunch of them while I was gone. My phone kept pinging. I get email, you know, notifications.

Notifications when somebody makes a contribution. And let me read off some of the people who contributed since I talked to you last. Dave Harris, who's a a monthly contributor regular basis uh stephen morrissey thank you so much stephen steve moe jonathan keller another regular and if i if you're a regular and i don't say it don't don't get upset i just um i've recognized these names and uh so thank you, Jonathan Keller. And a nice fat contribution. Nice healthy one from Doug Carley. D. Carl, as we call him. Dougie, thank you so much.

That was very nice of you. Apparently he's making more money than me. Kevin Sernier, another regular, contributed to the show. Kev, thank you. Kesu. And my boy, Dennis Paul Bishop, who always contributes on a monthly basis.

Thank you, D. Bish. And thank all of you. I can't tell you how much it means to me for you guys to do that. Because I know times are tough under Dinkweed in chief. You know, GDP grew at half a percent, but we're supposed to suck his dick over the great job he did. you guys to do that because i know times are tough under a dinkweed in chief you know gdp grew

at a half a percent but we're supposed to suck his dick over the great job he did in pulling us out of the depression in 2008 lick it and chew it i'll get to him in a few minutes he was in the dc area also i was competing against quite a headliner the president of the united states had the correspondence dinner a couple miles away. And yet the people still came out to see me and talk shit about him. And I got to admit, when I watch him do those things, he is smooth as silk and all that stuff. And I want to like the guy. I want to like him.

I'm sure I would if I sat in a room, smoked a joint, played hoops with him. Although the first time he went in for a layup, I'd cut his legs out and end up like FDR in a chair smoking a cigarette out of a hole. But, you know, yeah, he's smooth as silk. But come on, he's in front of a room of a couple thousand journalists who've been licking his tank for the last eight years. So why wouldn't he be funny? There's no nerves there. But you know how that works they hire liberal writers and they write great shit and it doesn't matter and they do this with all

presidents they'll go oh george w bush was pretty funny no the people who wrote this shit that's the funny those are the funny people and if you're if you're the president of the united states i think uh being in front of a live audience you should be able to do that and that's 90 of the battle right to a comic, to have those balls, which they've already mastered. And so you've got to give the writers credit, you know? God forbid they let me in there. Can you imagine?

I've had that fantasy about going up there. But that's the thing. That's why I love this gig I did, Arlington Draft House. Because it's really, to me, it's an exception to the rule down there I did the DC improv a couple times and the most uptight horrible and I was talking to a few comics down there that have said the same thing it was actually a black comic was telling me how much he hated the DC improv and I said yeah you can imagine how he said they're the most uptight and they are

it's just that area like i said that's where i mean political correctness it's obviously it's going to be you know rampant in in the uh the capital of the country where our politics is uh rooted i mean it's just so pc i can't imagine so i guess larry wilmore was the comedian after president. And I heard he ate a big shit burger and nothing against Larry. I did a show, but, uh, I, you know, he, he might, you know, uh, he's just, I don't get it, but he's a nice fella. I'm sure. But I heard he ate a big shit burger and, uh, what are you going to do? It's not fair.

You're going to follow the president anyways. What am I talking about that now? I just wanted to get through this. Uh, what else did I want to plug? Opie and Jimmy. Tomorrow morning I'm doing an Opie and Jimmy Norton show on Sirius Radio. So check out that. That's always a good time.

Love to get in there with those guys. I just called them and said, hey, I got to get on. People want me to do it more often. But again, I live three planets from the sun. And it's a real pain in my balls. But, you know, I've got to be there at 7. Which means I'll be going to bed in about an hour. Right now it's 2.30 my time in the afternoon.

I drove down to Arlington, Virginia. You know how much I hate flying. And, yeah, it was a solid five-hour ride, so I'm questioning that. Again, on the way home, I shaved an hour off the ride. I left here on Friday morning at like 1130 in the morning. And, you know, thinking I'll beat rush hour down by D.C. Like any other city, it gets really messy around 4 or 5 o'clock. Of course, i caught the ass

end of it so that added about an hour to it and when i got done i went out the back door on saturday night after the second show sorry folks if you're waiting um but i had a you know four hour ride ahead of me at midnight and i went out the back door of the groom have my check in my pocket already i was in the car before those people got their checks, I swear to God, and shaved an hour off the ride on the way home, because again, no fucking local traffic, and I'm doing the speed of light in my yellow Prius. What? But what a fucking great gig. Anyways, before I get down there, last week I get an email from a guy named Mark Epstein, and he says, I'm a lawyer, bop, bop, bop.

I think he emailed my manager, and like a dope, I accidentally responded to him, so he had my email directly, so then he writes me, and bop, bop, bop. He wants to interview me. He's worked for Pat Buchanan. He's a lawyer. He graduated first in his class at UPenn.

Like, you know, scary smart. And you've got to be careful when people call for interviews. And so, you know, I know Anthony Comey got interviewed by somebody. Turned out to be like a white supremacist group. And he got in some heat for it. So I Google this guy and shit. And sure enough, it comes up that he got into it. He had an incident.

He got accosted. Walking home late. I met a couple of black people. enough it comes up that uh he got into it with uh he had an incident he got accosted walking home late i met a couple of black people and of course uh huffington post spun it and that he used a racial slur and blah blah blah uh and and and just huffington post took him to the the cleaners and and almost ruined his career i guess this was like nine years ago so then i get a little nervous you know reading about it going you, well, you know. But then I kept reading more about the Huffington Post. And that's what they do.

They live to ruin people. And this guy worked for my boy, Pat Buchanan, who I fucking love and still do. And he went to UPenn. So anyways, he lined up about, he emailed me about doing a bunch of interviews with a bunch of, like, right-leaning websites. Daily Caller or Breitbart. Things like that, you know, National Review or whatever. So like five or six guys on Saturday.

First I said, no. I said, I don't know. I said, I got to be careful, you know, because I said, I read about you. And he emailed me back going, look, here's what happened. But he explained it and everything. And it made perfect sense to me. And so I took his word. And Saturday, they came over to the hotel restaurant, like five or six guys from these websites. And, you know, it was great.

And another guy from the Atlantic interviewed me over the phone. And thank you, Art Levine, by the way, who he's a journalist in the D.C. He's a liberal but likes me, gives gives me props he plugs me when I go down there he's a very fair-minded guy and so a friend of his called me and so look out for those I should have wrote down all the websites but you know I'm not that organized so I did a round of it was great Saturday afternoon and and the shows were great thank you tim miller by the way tim miller is a comedian from dc uh who uh took the time to record me i'm sending something to epics they wanted to see something you know i'm thinking i want to do a special in the fall

on tv but you know so uh you know epix told me months ago if I put something down, they'll be glad to look at it. I could have jumped through fucking hoops like I'm three years in the business. Anyways. But anyway,

so I'm going to send that. I had Tim Miller came out. He's a comedian down there. A black dude. Couldn't have been cooler. And Nick, why did he mention he's a black? Because this is the world I live in.

You forced me to mention that. Anyways, thank you, Tim. He recorded all three shows. He had like three cameras. I mean, he was great about it. And I paid him. He wasn't doing charity work. Relax.

But thanks so much, Timmy. And I'll look for that. I think he's going to email me this stuff. Send me a link. So So yeah, it was great. And Saturday Night Second Show is my favorite. There was a black dude sitting right in the middle. And this is a theater. It's a movie theater. The seats go up. It's like 275, 300 seats or maybe. And there was a black dude sitting in the middle by himself and i swear to god he actually his name's michael he actually tweeted me i was playing to him half the time

he was flipping out of his chair laughing so hard and all you do when you're a comic if you can find that one person i'll focus on them i'll get television even if the other 280 people aren't laughing which wasn't the case, they were great. I'm just saying, even if they hated me, I was just, this guy was, you know, you watch, remember Evening at the Apollo, whatever it was called, remember? And black people, when they're fucking, when you're cranking on stage, they'll fly out of their chairs laughing. This guy was standing up and down, jumping around.

I was feeding off him. And he was hardest at what material folks naturally my racial shit why because it's honest they appreciate a white guy speaking his fucking mind and not sugarcoat this guy was going crazy i was feeding off him and it was making me better my overall performance and which translated to the audience loving it you know it's just it really is a great way to bridge racial tension humor it friggin i swear to god that's the answer and i don't just say that because i make twelve thousand four hundred dollars a year doing this but uh yeah so uh thanks michael i seriously dude i was playing to him half the time and and uh it was just fucking it was fun and and and my people at the uh arlington draft house i love

the gig but i gotta make a suggest you gotta do something about the green room because it smelled like raw sewerage it gets worse every time. I don't know if there's a dead monkey in the wall, but me and Mike Albanese, my opening act, we sat behind. We literally couldn't sit in the green room of the second show. We sat behind the curtain before the show. But I had pizza between shows. I ate the whole goddamn thing. And I was up on stage. I'm lactose intolerant, so I was like playing

the French horn on my ass. I don't know if people could smell it in the front row. A little more information than you need to know. But, uh, yeah, that cheese got to me on the way home. My car was being filled with like the same gas that Saddam used on the Kurds in the 80s. I kept opening

the windows of my sunroof. It's like 48 degrees out. I'm doing 110. People behind me are swerving off the road because of the odor. But I just blame it on my catalytic converter. What? You heard me. Anyways, great gig. Thank you so much.

What is going on since I talked to you last, ladies and gentlemen? Oh, what is this? A new Rasmussen uh rasmussen poll and by the way they're pretty legit the latest one says with the help of the democratic voters republican donald trump beats democrat hillary rodham douchebag thick-ankled dogface Clinton, 41-39 in a new election. You fucking love it. I love it. I fucking...

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, bitches. You violent leftist fucks. Oh, yeah. It's just beginning. I'm afraid he's going to peak too early. I predict by the middle of summer he's up by 30 points, then then the left will pull some fucking weasley horse shit um yeah the latest

survey from rasmussen uh shows clinton lost her five-point lead from a month ago oh look on the toilet for it worse well uh he wins 15 of the democratic voters in a head-to-head election clinton only gets eight% of the Democratic vote. A seven-point gap, like the one between her fat fucking thighs. It's the first time Trump has been ahead of the thick-ankled dog face since October. October. About a month ago, they were deadlocked, right? At about 38%. Remember that? that a week ago i don't know

how long ago but uh yeah he's pulled ahead and he's gonna keep pulling ahead as long as you dickheads on the far left keep coming out to his rallies and and and fucking causing violence and it's not protests it's rioting you're not kidding anybody i love it i love it couple things it's like the perfect storm obama being the most ultra-liberal president in the history of this country coupled with the fact that we have a unapologetic capitalist right-wing blonde hair blue-eyed billionaire running for it has exposed the left and the people who really hate this country not that they've been hiding in the shadows but uh actually some of them have been hiding in the shadows that are protesting and causing all the fucking ignorant violence

fucking angry little fucking uh jerk-offs out in california every time i see that state it makes me sick to my stomach on tv what's happened to such a beautiful state? But that's where the fucking idiocy begins. But yeah, so I love it hearing that Trump's ahead of her. And he was actually quoted as saying, and this is why I love him. This was so goddamn refreshing. And well, here's what he said about Hillary. Well, I think the only card she has is the woman's card she's got nothing else going

and frankly if Hillary Clinton were a man I don't think she'd get 5% of the vote the only thing she's got going is the woman's card and the beautiful thing is women don't like her and look how well I did with women tonight so ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, is that refreshing?

So refreshing to hear. And it's true. If she was a guy with her shitty record, you can't argue that. And so I guess Hillary's campaign they're so clever they came out with an actual woman's card it's a pink little plastic like a credit card isn't that cute wouldn't that brilliant even young girls who don't like hillary you know from another generation they're modern feminists they're just rolling their eyes at the pink card of course they're dumb too they're following bernie and his socialist dog shit instincts but um they

they can't stand there either and some of them are quoted saying how stupid they thought the woman's card thing but how about trump coming out and saying it oh god bless him just for that alone that was so refreshing i don't care how he does at least it shows there's a pulse out there you know and look what's happened over the weekend, huh? In Costa Mesa, California, which is an orange county. And, you know, where they had Trump rallies and the protesters came out, slash illegal immigrants, slash angry mobs of blacks and browns. Actually not blacks, more browns actually.

Just can't handle. You're witnessing what happens when Whitey finally stands up after 40 years of just being labeled bigots and racist and blah, blah, blah. Finally, somebody like Trump with a set of balls. And look what happens. What do they resort to on the fucking left? Violence. Did you see the clips from Costa Mesa? Did you see the little Hispanics out there with their Mexican flags giving the finger and cursing?

I'm talking like nine, ten-year-old kids. There's actually some footage on the internet. These kids, little pudgy Latino kid. He looked like he was ten years old. Just fucking, you know, cursing up a fucking storm. Followed by idiot adults, you know cursing up a fucking storm followed by idiot adults you know just like him just uh california certain pockets huh orange county used to be republicanville now it's a third world shithole apparently unless they were you know they came because of the rally

but here's some of the audio of these nice little and again all cultures are equal just remember that this is a a bunch of trump people going by in a car you know with trump signs and these people standing on the side of the road give them the bird and shit and there's a a black chick with a big fat black ass slapping her ass she turns her towards the, at least she was smiling about it. But, but then there's a bunch of Latino kids just cursing up a storm. fuck you nice nice future little criminals nice i'm sure he had two parents right yeah right what a fucking third world shithole certain parts of that state have become too bad too and then trump's up in uh trump's up in uh northern california out by San Francisco, trying to give a speech.

And they blocked the idiot protesters, probably paid for them by the fucking Bernie Sanders group, or George Soros, I should say. But they blocked. He couldn't even go into the hotel where he was speaking. He had to climb up a hill, go over a fence. Yeah, yeah. Just a beautiful display of fucking leftist ignorance west coast i shouldn't say that because i actually enjoyed my time in los angeles but i think it's got a

whole lot worse since i left in 2000 but um yeah just that that fucking new age psychology that took hold in the 60s that that that, it really was the birth of political correctness. Took hold out there, that dumb New Age psychology on the West Coast. Read about it. Go to get Judge Bork's book, Slouching Towards Gomorrah, or any of those books. But Costa Mesa got violent, you know. know just fucking and of course the media is calling a protest because the mainstream media wants to go look oh look here's trump and look look at look at the problems look at the look at the problems that his uh campaign is causing that's how they

that's how they you know staging it on tv and they want you to draw the conclusion everywhere he goes he's just gonna divide america like uh it hasn't already been divided by the last dinkweed in chief for the last eight years but um i mean there was actually some violence this trump kid get uh he get out of his car he'd been there all day filming and he was trying to leave this is in costa costa mesa and he gets out of his car with filming, and he was trying to leave. This is in Costa Mesa. And he gets out of his car with his camera, and he's got a Trump hat, and he gets the fucking shit kicked out of him. Because that's what people do when they outnumber Whitey, you know? They get big fucking balls.

Here's the kid being interviewed. By the way, you know the money chick, Maria Bataroma, how do you say her name? Bataromo, on Fox News Channel. This is her, I think it was a cousin of hers or a nephew or something, a young kid, young guy. But he got out of his car and, you know, a bunch of people sucker punched him. And they interviewed him and he was covered in blood and shit. But this is him explaining what happened to him. You're also wearing a Trump hat, and that sparked something.

Yeah, I had a Make America Great Again red Trump hat. Oh, my God. God forbid. And that triggered them to violently just snatch it off of my head, jerking my head forward. I then moved forward to try to retrieve my hat that they just stole from me. to try to retrieve my hat that they just stole from me and instead this group closed in around me from behind and the sides and I started getting punched I didn't know what came they were these are referred to as protesters by the the media imagine if it was a bunch of white people surrounding one black or brown person and and and fucking

you know punching them in the face and kicking them on the side i'm sure this will be referred to as protesters right not a gang sucker punches fucking just blindsided just a thud came in a couple more less impact ones got kicked when i went down and got cut up on the asphalt. And I know what you're thinking. Well, there was a black guy. Remember he got punched in the face at a Donald Trump rally? Yeah, he was giving the bird as after he was thrown off acting like a jerk off and causing violence himself. They were escorting him out when some fucking hillbilly sucker punched him.

Totally different than what this kid was doing. but he sucker punched him. Totally different than what this kid was doing. Make sure you, you know, make sure when you look at these things that before you jump to any conclusions, you look at all the details and you can see the difference. Then I jumped right up,

maybe a second or two days, and knew I had to... You get stitches. Bottom line is you get six stitches in his forehead because he basically had a Trump Make America a great again hat on And he's surrounded by a bunch of people Who have been brainwashed by the propaganda And that's what you're seeing

A reaction from the That's what you're seeing This reaction to Trump's campaign Is just 40 to 50 years of fucking liberal Dog shit media propaganda And it's taken root And it's fun because they have no answers when you argue, well, why is he racist?

What don't you like about him? They have nothing other than, fuck you, you're fucking racist, you're a bigot. Just ignorance, total fucking ignorance. They realize they can't win if it comes down to ideas. So they get fucking violent, yet they're the ones who are supposed to be the tolerant. It's a fucking walking

contradiction. It's hilarious. Come on. Let's listen to Hillary. You want to hear this? Do you really want to hear this? Hillary, that's today's Hillary. She has an upset stomach. By the way, what bathroom does she use? Anyways, let's listen to Hillary. Just picture listening to this for next, just this alone for the next 48 years.

I am sick and tired of people who say that if you debate and you disagree with this administration, somehow you're not patriotic and we should stand up and say we are Americans and we have a right to debate and disagree with any administration. Imagine having a listener, and you're going to listen to that, her and her fucking woman card. We should draw the ace of spades at fucking thick ankle. Yeah, so if you see

anybody that's for Hillary or whatever, get out there and sucker punch them. Bunch of white people, circle them. Kick them in the ribs and fucking,

let's get it on! Thank you. The country's already been turned into a third world shithole. Congratulations. Fuck. I love it. By the way, connectpal.com slash Nick to get more shows. Connectpal.com slash Nick.

It's important to get that out on Mondays because this is the free show and people decide and it's been working beautifully thank you so much yeah so costa mesa california huh people go why don't you come out to la and do comedy i don't have a translator on stage with me i can't't relate. And it's not all like that. I do. I checked on Facebook or Twitter. I can't remember the numbers, the analytics. You can break that. My second biggest fan base is in California, apparently, where I haven't been for a while.

But maybe that's why. Maybe I'll do a show once every 10 years. That's how to keep them hungry. I don't know. Goodness. But what a fucking time. maybe I'll do a show once every 10 years, that's how to keep them hungry, I don't know, goodness, but what a fucking time, what a time, Obama has really brought us together,

he's really unified us, it's like the 60s man, really is, might as well be 1968, it's what I hear when I watch the news. People burning cop cars because Donald Trump's in town. I'll tell you what ain't going down. Hillary. That's right, bitch.

Come together, America. Sure there are. Not everybody's wrong. There is somebody who's right. The right. In Spanish. This is America in 2016. You need to shut the fuck up! And to carry in sight Mostly say hooray for our side

It's time we stop Hey, what's that sound? Everybody look what's going down Fucking quiz! Into your life it will creep The turbulent 2000s, everybody. Yeah. Hey, that was a nice little montage, wasn't it? Holy shit. Yeah.

Especially Seattle. Seattle's like this. It's always had that leftist, you know. Peaceful leftist demonstrators attack police during May Day riots. Yesterday's May Day. It's an old thing that goes back a ways, you know, to celebrate unions and all that type of horseshit. But naturally, who shows up is, you know, neo-socialists and anarchists and all the same. You know, it's supposed to be about supportive workers' rights. I guess that's what it was originally when they started this thing.

Back in the days when, you know, management would chain a woman to a loon for fucking 18 hours without a shit break to make umbrella handles. But those days are, you know, really gone, actually. But not according to these fuckheads. What? Yeah. At least nine protesters were arrested and five police officers injured during May Day clashes in Seattle where flares, bricks, and Molotov cocktails were thrown.

Isn't that nice? We've lost our shit. I say another Kent State is in order. With rubber bullets. No need to take anybody's life, but, you know what I mean? Fucking get the rubber bullets out. Go sting. The anti-capitalist disorder followed a peaceful march early in the day by advocates

for workers and immigrants one of several nationwide events sunday calling for better wages for workers and work permits for undocumented migrants those would be illegals so now we're writing over people shouldn't be here in the first place well lick my left half not one officer was struck by a rock, one was hit with a Molotov, and a third was bitten by a thick-ankled dog face. That's what they said. A third officer was bitten.

I don't think the injuries are serious, but that's not the point, is it? These are people who are, you know, anti-war. This is how they behave. The anti-capitalist demonstrators carry signs, including one saying, we are ungovernable. Well, I think that's self-evident. We are ungovernable.

It was filled, this guy says the crowd was definitely filled with union thugs and those demanding immunity and job rights for illegals. You can't demand anything if you hear illegally. How about that? That's what separates us from third world shitholes like Mexico and, you know, Ecuador and Guatemala. All the shitholes where people are leaving a drove to come here and sneak in here. You know why? Because we had a better system. That's fucking hilarious, isn't it? The same people that are coming here because this country's so great are shitting on it at the same time.

Anybody pick up on that? I mean, goodness gracious. Fire bombs were being tossed. Terrific. Yeah, this went back to the 1800s, this May Day boo-boo. Of course, May Day Haymarket,, May Day Haymarket riots in Chicago. That was also a labor demonstration back in the day.

But what happened was somebody threw a dynamite bomb. This is way back then. And it killed seven cops and four civilians with a whole bunch of other people being injured. So, by the way, in how we handled it back then, those rioters, they were sent to the gallows. I hope it was a speedy trial. We got to get back to that shit. I mean, you know, we have cameras everywhere now. When somebody gets hurt, I get a Molotov cocktail thrown at them.

Excuse me. I sound like fucking Hillary, don't I? I think I get Hillary disease. I think I picked up a little mad, a little fucking mad cow from that pig. Remember her? Here's one of her favorite jokes. I just want to give you the sample

of Hillary being funny. This is her being funny. ...said something, we could have an immediate reaction as to whether it was true or not. Well, we've trained this dog. And the dog, if it's not true, he's going to bark.

Speaking of dogs. And then the dog was barking on the radio. And so, you know, people were, like, barking at each other for days after that. Oh, goodness. I'm trying to figure out how we can do that with the Republicans. You know? And so, you know, people were like barking at each other for days after that. I'm trying to figure out how we can do that with the Republicans. We need to get that dog and follow him around.

And every time they said these things, oh, you know, the Great Recession was caused by too much regulation. You know, I think we could cut right through a lot of their, you know, their claims. Yeah. Too bad you didn't have that dog in the White House where your fucking husband was finger popping and banging everything that moved. You need to shut the fuck up. That dog would have fucking developed throat polyps in the first three weeks. Right. Ain't that right? Yeah. You're barking. in the first three weeks, right? Ain't that right? Yeah, you're barking.

Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Why aren't more people interrogating like me? I don't know. They're all in Seattle rioting. They're just bored kids who ain't got shit to do. I hate, you know, and Seattle's a great city

a fucking good comedy town and i always enjoyed it but uh one thing i'd bug me about it and this is christ 15 years ago i see some fucking white homeless people kids laying there on the sidewalk again wearing like those fucking thug jack boots it who cost like $300 and they want change. You're fucking white and you're young. What's your excuse for being unemployed? Get off your ass. Get a fucking job. They call that May Day.

Those are peaceful demonstrators from the left throwing Molotov cocktails. You got nothing. You violent fucks with empty skulls. Let's go, Trump. How about Teddy Cruz, the poor prick's giving a speech and some young kid, I didn't pull the clip because you couldn't understand the kid, but he's some fucking, like fucking 14-year-old. I don't know why he's at a rally anyway he goes you suck and then ted went on to say you know if that was my children and and said that they did something like that they would get a spanking and i'm cool i'm sure everybody on the left goes that's why he's an asshole

that's the type of shit that uh we have to get rid of that type of discipline he goes you know young children should uh speak respectfully the whole place is We have to get rid of that type of discipline. He goes, you know, young children should speak respectfully. The whole place is a... He tried. His Carly Fiorina pick has backfired. I said on stage, I might have said it on the last show I go, I'm glad they're running together and not sleeping together. I see those fucking kids.

But, yeah, the latest poll has him down by 15, and it's a must-win situation in Indiana. Even he admitted that. And the poll today said Trump was up by 15. Nobody's going to slow this guy down. He's going to go right to November, and then he's going to step on the thick-ankled dog face if she's not in jail. Here's my prediction. I'm still not considered. I mean, I'm still not convinced

that she's the nominee. I'm telling you. I swear to God. Because, again, it comes down to the Obama administration. They make the final decision whether they're going to fucking indict. Doesn't it?

Sure it does. Yep, yeah. So they're watching. And they're watching. And like, on days like today when the headlines say that Hillary's losing, I'm telling you, they're

making moves they're going to biden hey listen don't go anywhere yet and whoever else elizabeth warren what other leftist dink they have in the don't you feel that way they're hedging their bets although i don't know again as far as the legal process uh how late you can wait till you jump into the race but i'm sure they'll they'll they'll change that rule too why not i mean he's changing all the executive he's using all these executive voters as far as immigration goes bringing people in from third world shitholes and fundamentally changing this country into a third world shithole i was saying that was the dems goal when I was 18 years old. Boy, have they followed through. So, yeah, I'm not sure Hillary's going to be it. She keeps tanking in the polls. And the minute you see Trump starting to beat her, I'm telling you, they're going to have to come up with somebody else.

Because if he's even, I mean, if he's even beating her in one of the thousands of polls this early, I'm telling you, by midsummer, he's going to be massacring the thick ankle wolf. Anybody feel that way? Do you? Sure you do. Oh, shut it. Waterfield day for the heat.

Thousands scumbags in the street uh obama budget 17 000 how do they come up with a figure so specific 17 613 dollars for every no illegal minor that's more than social security retirees get he's putting illegal people ahead of you fucking hard-working tax-paying citizens who worked your whole life and paid into social security and he's fucking putting these illegals ahead of you he's the most anti-american i can't even compare him to other presidents because he's not really he's like this one enemy of the United States. You can't even, you know what I mean? This is, again, you know, people said George W. Bush, worst president ever. Well, who, if that was true, who would have guessed we would have followed the worst president ever with the worst president ever, the schmucko.

ever the schmucko president obama yeah 17,613 bucks for each of the estimated 75,000 central american teens that won't even cover their stds and their fucking diseases they're bringing over hey that's racist shit

you can't talk like that that's ignorant yeah it really is but you know what? You need to shut the fuck up. Yeah. 17 grand plus going to teens expected to illegally cross into the United States this year. $2,841 more than the average annual Social Security retirement benefit. It's happened.

It's happened. It's official. It's official. We're committing suicide. As a nation, the only superpower to fucking lay in a tub like Frankie Five Angels and cut its wrists. The total bill to taxpayers, that's only $1 billion sure sure that's terrific like i said my taxes which go i pay up the nuts go to the town next to mine where there's a bunch of poor people living yep 1.3 bill and benefits to unaccompanied children. More than double what the federal government spent in 2010.

By the way, if you were wondering, the average Social Security retirement benefit is $14,772. Coincidentally, exactly what I made doing stand-up comedy for the last four years. What? Nick, you're full of shit. Well, I am. I do pretty well there. The report notes that the president's budget facing congressional, oh, it faces congressional approval. That won't be a problem. You know, all the GOP pussies

that have been licking Obama's tank. They'll be glad to pass this, I'm sure. That includes another $2.1 billion for refugees, which can include the illegals from Central America, mostly Honduras, Guatemala, and El Salvador. That's terrific. You're watching the fundamental change, folks. You're watching it.

And like I said when I was 18, the Dems won't be happy until this fucking country looks like the third world shithole that the last person who sneaks in comes from. They're a cunt hair away from accomplishing it.

Unless Trump actually does what he says if he gets elected. What's more, the administration's also spending heavily on a program with the United Nations. See, this is in conjunction with the United Nations. To help the illegal miners avoid the dangerous trip, get this, by declaring them refugees and handing them a fucking plane ticket to the united states where once here they get special legal status see because if you deem the fucking refugee oh the report titled welcoming unaccompanied alien children tonight is a deep dive into the administration's evolving efforts

to let hundreds of thousands of mostly 16 and 17 year old males settle in the country. Hmm. Why is that? Why is it just males? That's kind of. Hmm. I wonder what. Hmm.

Most terrorists are males. And people who will do harm to you in the future. We all know that. Well. Really. It's getting more insidious the more we read about this i wonder what the hmm it said that most of the undocumented minors do not qualify for refugee status or are even

in any danger in the in their native countries instead they are asking they are seeking to unify with their family members okay so they're not even in danger. That means they're really not even refugees. Because they're not even in danger. Do you fucking believe this? 80% of the 71,000 Central American children placed between February 2014 and September 2015 were released to sponsors who are already here in the United States. What do you mean, like Pepsi? Who are already in the United States illegally, by the way. The people they're being released to

are already here illegally. I'm just saying, I'm just pointing out, I know you don't want me to get caught up in little details, but it's only your country and your fucking future and your kids future and your grand uh your grand uh kids futures that's if you know climate change doesn't melt them down and uh your wife doesn't get bit on the ass when she's pregnant by the zika fly but i'm just saying all things that look good children will be able to qualify for refugee status and then be flown to the united states yeah because a lot of people freeing from danger can sit in business class and enjoy a fucking Pepsi on the way over here. yeah this should be the song we should replace the national anthem with this for the next 10 years or at least the next six months until dink weeds out of the White House. There's a gang member over there.

He wants his fucking share. Everybody look what's going down. Our collective IQ. Motherless fucks. down our collective iq you motherless there's bad lines being drawn leftists are so fucking wrong Young people's mother in their minds Are getting so much resistance From behind, time will stop

Hey, what's that sound? Everybody look what's going down Welcome to America everybody Oh my god. What the fuck? Paranoid creeps up your sister's ass. Anyways. Got a lot more to get to. Maybe I'll save some of it to tomorrow. Yeah. Again, connectpal.com slash Nick.

Paranoia. Into your life it'll creep. What else did I want to talk about? Oh, you'll laugh. It'll create... What else did I want to talk about? How about Curt Schilling? We all know he got axed by ESPN because he spoke out on the transgender issue.

And, you know, he said a penis is from a men's room. And, you know, and vagaries are basically for men's room and, you know, and badges are basically for girls' rooms. It wasn't even that. I'm just paraphrasing. It wasn't even half that offensive. But, you know, they had enough of his shit because he compared extremist Muslims to, you know, Nazis.

And, again, ESPN, we know, is owned by Disney, the biggest exporter of politically correct horseshit across the globe. And they're behind brainwashing your kids with their faggy little fucking PC cartoons. And they're fucking evil. It's a cult that nobody talks about, whether it's pardon the interruption or around the horn, ESPN. Just politically correct cucka, left-wing fascist fucks. and just politically correct cucka, left-wing fascist fucks, and Kurt Schilling doesn't stand for it because, you know, he's a white guy,

a German, God forbid, who is opinionated, doesn't go along with it, and he got the, you know, the whole, anyways. Do you know what I'm talking about? Right? But Disney, Disney just makes me sick. I don't know. I'm almost glad I don't have fucking kids. Because if you do,

you know, they get to indoctrinate them with you. Picture me. Picture me with my kids and this playing. Yeah, Disney, take this. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small world after all. It's a small, small...

Yeah. It's a catchy tone, isn't it? I know another catchy tone I think Disney would enjoy. White power! One, two, three, four! I know another catchy tune I think Disney would like would enjoy as you're going into Epcot Center or some shit yeah We are all to blame. Well, the team has took over. Yeah. We just let them come. Once we had an empire. And now we've got a slum.

Wipe out. For England. Wipe out. For Disney. Wipe out. For Disney. For a guest too late. We've seen a lot of riots. We just sit and scar.

We've seen a lot of muggins. And the judges let them off. Wipe out. For wonder what that was written. I think it was in the 70s. I don't know. But that's been replaced by this. I enjoy this music too. You'll be on the subway in New York City going somewhere and

three guys will get on, four guys with sombreros and playing this. Makes for a nice ride. Anyways, back to the story. You know how Disney does, Disney, excuse me, ESPN which is Disney, you know how they do those 30 30 things

yeah well they did one on the red sox comeback against the yankees in the american league championships here you remember we were down by the way we're in first place uh we were down uh three games to none to the yankee and we won four straight you guys all know it's uh it's folklore it's the greatest story in sports in my opinion opinion. And they did a 30-30 on that, you know. And, you know, Curt Schilling, obviously, game six, the bloody sock. You guys all know this, unless you're fucking choreographers or extras in the play rent. You know what I'm talking about. But they did a 30-30 call four days in October.

It zeroes in on the four games the Sox came back. You know the whole fucking thing, right? Anyways, they did it. They cut it down. They cut out the part, the whole part about Schilling in this thing. The recounting of that performance in game six takes up about 17 minutes of the original version of the hour-and-five-minute-long documentary

about those four games. ESPN apparently wanted to trim four days in October, which he had on ESPN2 after the Arizona-Oregon softball game. And what a lead-in. It was likely time to proceed the live Red Sox-Yankees telecast. But they cut it down to fit it into an hour-long time slot with the commercials. That's the excuse they're using, that they had to cut it down.

And they just happened to, see down and they just happened to see how arrogant they are and how pompous they just happened to cut out the part where shilling a guy that they just canned they happened to cut out that part of the fucking how do you tell that story without not telling the most important part was shillings performance in game six with a bloody sock where he fucking just pitched a masterpiece. But we just did that to. Oh my God are they arrogant. Fucking Disney. Jesus.

Unbelievable the balls on these people. Obviously they did it because they fucking hate Schilling. Because of the meme he put out. Crazy man, huh? When a live event runs long, it's standard procedure to shorten a taped program that follows an ESPN spokesman slash robot told the Post. In this case, we needed to edit out one of the film's four segments to account for the extra length of the softball game. Yes, and that softball game. Very important. You believe they did that?

Of course, Schilling was right on Twitter. You know, tell them to stick it up their ass. He put a picture of, I think it's on his Twitter. It's a picture of his ring, his World Series ring. I think it's on his Twitter. It's a picture of his ring, his World Series ring. For sale, never used. Rarely won ring from play who didn't actually have anything to do with getting it.

Good for you. Oh, I hope he tortures them for the next fucking 20 years, Schilling. Loving that guy more and more. Anyways. I will save for tomorrow. We'll get into CBS is trying to retool the Colbert show. And by the way, I like Stephen Colbert. I met him.

Like I said, on Tough Crowd. He's a smart, funny guy. No, I didn't dig his daily show character. You know. Whatever. But you can't deny the guy's talented, smart, funny dude. But, you know, he's trying, the gist of this story in the New York Times, he's trying to do too much. So Les Moonves had a meeting and they want to give him some help and hire it.

They hired another executive producer, blah, blah, blah. We'll talk about that tomorrow, maybe, if I still feel like it. And I'll play some clips from the correspondence dinner, which I could have played today because it would have made sense because I was in Arlington, Virginia. And like I said, Obama was the headliner and he drew a lot more people than me. No, I drew very well at the Arlington Draft House. Anyways, we'll talk about that. We'll play some clips of Obama playing to, like I said, a bunch of press people who have been licking his balls for the last eight years. I don't know where the danger is or the challenge is there,

but, you know, he does do it smoothly, and it almost makes me want to like the fella. But then I read these stories about, you know, him giving a legal 17K just for starters, a little pocket change. Fuck the people who worked their whole lives and paid into the system. But anyways, we'll get to that tomorrow again connectpal.com slash nick and uh listen to me on opie and jimmy tomorrow

morning if i don't get bumped last time i gotta you know i text at the last minute somebody double book somebody or something like that but i don't think that'll happen um that's always a good time on there like those guys a lot and uh you know you get you get freedom to say shit and it's radio but that's it thanks for all the contributions over the weekend and thanks for coming out to see me and come see me uh this month uh Christ, in a few days. The Hot Comedy Club in Yonkers. I'm hoping it's open. That's May 13th and 14th. Uncle Vinny's in Point Pleasant on the 21st.

Bobby V's, Windsor Lock, Connecticut, June 4th. And New Milford Fast Eddie's, June 18th. And I added a new one over the weekend, didn't I? But Talia Hall in Chicago, September 3rd. Helium in St. Louis, September 15th, 16th, and 17th. And that's enough for now. Right, kids? All righty. I won't take all that they hand me down

And make out a smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started, I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else You need to shut the fuck up I'm not like everybody else

I'm not like everybody else Good day, everybody. We'll be right back. guitar solo Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah