The Nick DiPaolo Show - 134 - Texting While Humping, Trump, Bromance App

Episode Date: May 17, 2016

Texting While Humping, Trump, Bromance App

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, how are you folks? Nick DiPaola podcast. Hey, a few people on Facebook, since Facebook has been the news so much, what would them squelching anybody who thinks in a conservative manner or leans right into politics, I think now's the time for me to finally engage Facebook. After being hounded by my web guy for years to get more involved on Facebook.

It's a little complicated when you have like when you're a comedian or a musician or an artist or somebody in the public figure you have a public page and you have your personal page and I guess with a personal page I don't know much about it because I can't stand any of this shit you know how I am I like Twitter 140 characters or less. Brevity is the genius of wit, as somebody once said. It's either Mark Twain or Moe Howard from the Stooges. But, you know, I don't mind Twitter, even though Twitter is a cesspool because people are anonymous on Twitter, and that's why they just say horrendous shit and stuff they would never say to your face.

But it's still, I don't mind, you know, busting chops back and forth. But Facebook, yeah, so over the past few days, I guess for years, people have been, you know, they ask a friend's request, you know, because I went over the 5, 000 limit a long time ago and now i'm in the process of process of moving them over to my public page because i'm going to get rid of the personal page eventually blah blah blah but it turns out you know i have a ton of fans on

facebook that i've been ignoring or whatever i don't understand any of it but i need my web guy and my wife to explain it to me so you know i gotta tap into to tap into that again the bottom line for me is putting asses in the seats and uh it's like oh great you got a hundred thousand people on twitter yeah spread all over the planet if i can get 10 of them in one fucking town that would be great otherwise i'm just jerking off verbally uh you know, with people on the Internet. That's what it seems like to me. But anyways, what with all the Facebook news and Zuckerberg, that phony, you know, pretending that, you know. Oh, no, we're totally unbiased when it comes to a lot of people get their news from the shit

so anyways i'm gonna tap in and we'll find out i'll be a good litmus test when i stop putting thing posts up about hillary and her thick ankles and her dog-like face and michael moore hoping he dies in his sleep and shit like that we'll see um well they actually have to be news stories to be squelched, I'm sure. But anyways, but they don't they don't like hate speech on these social sites unless it's coming from, you know, Michael Moore or Bill Maher. That's fine. But anyways. Hey, folks, if you like the show, connect pal dot com slash Nick. If you want to get two to more three podcasts a week from me

connectpal.com slash nick connectpal.com slash nick uh look for me on anthony comey's podcast this tuesday coming up uh which is may 17th and that night i'm doing joe madarisa's podcast live from the club downstairs at gotham in new york city so if you want to pop by you can watch me uh trash his show and take us both down into flames and wednesday i'm going to be interviewed by the blaze um buck sexton big conservative talk show host he's going to interview me in the afternoon. I think it's live, 1.30ish Eastern Time. What else do you need to know?

I have an appointment with a doctor on the 19th and my gynecologist on the 26th and I'm having my asshole waxed on the 27th. That's all I can think of right now for you guys hey but connectpal.com slash nick i can't say that enough because every time i say it people sign up and the subscriptions i'm having my best month ever god bless you although the donations have

slowed down a little bit so if you can reach into your pocket because again a buck a week you know how that is doesn't keep my wife in adderall what so donald trump who always brags about how uh you know self-funded during the primaries uh but obviously you can't do that if you're gonna run against the hillary clinton machine and the dems you need at least a billion dollars to stay in the motherfucker that's if that fat ankle dog face is still gonna be in it i still believe they're gonna take her out in very big ankle cuffs make her do the perp walk that chabette god she makes me ill i know i fucking hound a lot on her but i can't help it i just at least politicians they're all lying cocksuckers we all know that uh but uh at least some of them make an effort

this broad just thinks you know it's going to be handed to her which it looks like they're trying to do but if they were you know in a perfect world she'd already be in a jail cell chomping on a nice big fat red muff and uh making osso bucco in an aluminum toilet for her girlfriend but uh anyways a billionaire republican donor sheldon adelson do you know shelly adelson he owns the sands corporation basically runs vegas he has a whole bunch of hotels in vega he's a uh he's worth about 29 bill that's with a b 29 billion and um he said he's gonna throw donald trump 100 mil so i just want to see how trump plays it you know because how he's been harping on uh how he hates you know like i said during the primaries that's all he

fucking bragged about i'm self-funding all these people are owned by the lobbyist. Here's him talking about super PACs a little while back. These PACs are the biggest disgusting joke you've ever seen. And first of all, the PACs are all controlling the candidates. And when they say the candidate doesn't speak to the PAC and they're not allowed to legally, I guarantee you these candidates, I would say every single one of them is speaking to their back and they're not allowed to legally. Our campaign laws are a disaster. Our financing for campaigns are just that. Now, mine is very simple.

I pay my own money. OK, I pay my own money. All right. Well, I want to bring in Bloomberg Politics to talk about. No, you don't. We've got to edit this clip. But the reason you bring up Super PACs, because that's the only way you can donate that much money,

is through a Super PAC to a candidate, I believe. Again, I'm not going to get into the minutia, but I know that you can't, as an individual, give somebody a chunk of like 100 mil. You got to go through the super packs. So I wonder if he's changed his tune about that, you know? But it's just funny to hear him fucking yapping away. Butter tea.

Yeah, Adelson. Good guy to know, huh have men that having friends like that gotta be nice you know i want to put a built-in pool call fucking call shelly trump himself has loaned his primary campaign 50 mil you know you loan yourself money when you have a corporation but like i said it's going to cost like a bill one bill as far as trying to buy the white house as they say so uh it's going to be awkward the whole thing with trump when like when he met with uh oh by the way i don't know have we talked since he met with paul ryan i think not of course uh paul ryan said the word encouraging jimmy kimmel did a funny thing on it but he must have said the word encouraging about what he heard

coming from donald trump and we all knew that was coming i would have liked the fucking rally knowing what was going on in there but uh you know know, because Paul Ryan was upset with Donald Trump and, you know, the ban on Muslims and things he said about Mexicans. I guarantee this is probably Paul Ryan probably sound like that fat social justice warriors chick. Keep your hate speech off this campus uh that's that was uh that's paul ryan talking to trump as he headed to the capital like a bitch uh and trump said i'll say whatever i want here take this paul what do you think of this how about if i say this god i have fun with these shit but uh oh it was very encouraging they need a lot of common ground blah blah blah blah what else are they gonna say you know we fucking i came in the room paul r Ryan threw a piece of fruit at me,

so I tackled him over his desk and I cornholed him. And I want nothing to do with the Republican Party. We have to unite, folks. It's very important. Here's how I feel, folks. The government, like I said, our government's supposed to be for, by, and of the people. He is one of us, Trump. Yes, he's a fucking bloviating big fucking dope like

i said he's rodney danger feeling caddyshack l cervic whatever his name was anyways uh yeah but uh i'm sick of uh i'm sick of having the yale and harvard and the fucking ivy league monopoly of the white house because those dummies look look at the mess we're in this is how it was supposed to be originally you know fucking somebody makes it makes a fortune and and the private sector and that's what it was designed for somebody from not people who went to the fucking ivy league channels and uh the elitist jerk offs who've never done anything in their lives um and that's who we've had in the way so yeah i'm not'm not, like I said, he's not even, Trump's like a bad used car salesman,

but I guess he has a genius streak in him when it comes to fucking marketing himself and whatever, and you can't argue with his success. Yes, I know his father gave him a million dollar loan, blah, blah, blah, but anyways, he's accomplished something in his fucking life,

but it's gonna be fun, because I'll say it again. The New York Times and they haven't begun to. Well, they started this week. They started this week. What was it? Was it Bill Kristof said that we have 20 people working on digging up shit on Trump? Of course, he backpedaled and said, no, I meant as far as all the candidates. We have 20 people working on this 2016 bullshit.

I cannot wait to fucking. What are they going to find, though, that he greased a couple of fucking Italian construction companies in New Jersey to get some buildings? You know, the guys, the rebar and shit. What are you going to find? Nothing we don't know. Oh, he fucked a bunch of. It's already started. Right. You know that so uh and how do we know that because the washington post they did a little thing on how donald uh posed as his own spokesman in 1991 telephone interview

uh it's fucking hilarious he used to yeah he called somebody a reporter and uh posed as john miller or john barron i guess it was the alice's user but he pretended to be trump's spokesman he was actually trump being his own he was pretending to be his spokesman uh and um it's so good it's so obvious's him, at least in my opinion. And of course he's denying it this week, but, um, where the fuck is that? Do I have that clip? Uh, here it is. This is him, uh, calling, referring to himself as John Miller.

Another. So this is Trump pretending to be his own spokesman back in 1991 phone call to a reporter. I'm handling PR because he gets so much of it. He used to call the Washington Post reporter. he used to call the Washington Post reporter Sue Carswell was her name. I think I saw her on this week. By the way, she looks like a fucking female Newt Gingrich. Looks more like Newt Gingrich than Newt Gingrich.

I'm saying that, I'm guessing she doesn't vote Republican. That's all I'm saying. But he used to, throughout his career, he would talk to reporters to promote positive stories about himself. Floating dating rumors. But Carswell told NBC News Friday she has no doubt the audio is authentic and is of the interview conducted back in 1991. It's absolutely Donald Trump, Carswell says. There's no doubt in my mind she had it. On the Today Show Friday, Trump denied ever posing as his own publicist. But in a court case in 1990, Trump testified under oath. I believe on occasion I

used that John Barron name, he said. And the July 13, 1990 Newsday article states, at one point, Trump, who spends millions of dollars advertising his name, acknowledged that he has used an alias, John Barron. I believe on occasion I have used that name. Trump said, not elaborating. The Post released a full transcript from a 1991 interview between People reporter. Oh, she was working for People back then. Excuse me. Sue Carswell and miller

in it miller defends how trump treated his ex-wife ivana and links him to women like madonna and former model carla bruni miller said madonna called and wanted to go out with him that i can tell you and and there's the fine there's the there's the evidence right there the phrase that i can tell you because he says that all the fucking time he says it all the time now i mean it's it's so obvious it's him i'm fucking belly and then i'm going is this trump trump has to know that we know we're not that stupid but he's playing this up because again who are we talking about donald trump i mean he can't be that much of a savant and I just go Kenny that I can tell you is a phrase familiar to anyone who's watched

Trump during the 2016 races he uses it nearly every campaign stop and now he says Trump says it was not me on the phone and it doesn't sound like me on the phone yeah it does Jesus Christ just go yeah it was me i used to do anything to get pussy will you just say that please that's why you won the primaries just bring brutally fucking honest go yeah i was a real snatch hound and i was trying to stick it to my fucking wife marla maples at the time he goes it doesn't sound like me on the phone i'll tell you then he says i will tell you that it was not me in the phone uh then he you then he says i will tell you that it was not me in the phone uh then he said let's go on to more current subjects

carswell's uh 91 story and trump notes a mysterious pr man who sounds just like donald she played a recording of the interview for a number of people who knew trump including his then girlfriend marla maples by the way if you kids are too young to know who marla may i saw marla maples and this was around 1991 when uh trump was dead i i saw her i can't remember what the event was and why i was there i know i had a suit jacket on what the fuck was it might have been one of those things manny the guy at the comedy cellar used to invite us to this uh the new york post she used to do some uh civil rights thing i i don't know what the fuck it was why i would be in the same room as marla i saw her on the way out of the hotel and i'll say this to this day hottest hottest broad i've

ever seen in my life in person again this is back in the early 90s say this to this day hottest hottest broad i've ever seen in my life in person again this is back in the early 90s hottest woman to this day i'd never seen anybody more striking mother just just for that alone i'd vote for trump but uh it was the first time she had heard him publicly declare the relationship over i'm shocked and devastated she said i feel betrayed at the deepest level carswell wrote oh trump it was the first time she had heard him publicly to the relationship was oh the post reported that a new york daily news gossip columnist claims trump also pretended to be an anonymous tipster who said the businessman had been spotted with models john baron called the new york tabloids enough and it became a recurring joke to editors according to the report and two weeks after carswell's original story quoting miller ran she published a follow-up in which

trump described the incident as a joke gone awry what i did became a good time at marla's expense and i'm very sorry trump is quoted as saying so he's already admitted to the end and now he's denying this shit i mean what the fuck it's almost like he's going it's almost like he's saying you know what everybody in politics is a fucking liar so you caught me in a lie but it's just go it's just beginning it just goes to show you what they're gonna do to try to friggin destroy them and uh you know but how about him calling up and anonymous tipster saying yeah trump uh was seen last night with uh carla bruni or yeah i heard madonna wants to bang him i'm gonna start doing that be my own publicist i'll call up the funny bone in pittsburgh well nick di paolo is uh this guy's on fire you know

he's uh he's banging jennifer aniston and uh apparently he has a three-picture deal with spielberg he fucked spielberg's uh very hot assistant and uh you ought to get him in your clubs still wouldn't work let's be honest that's why i gotta go on facebook um but can you imagine the shit they're gonna try to dig up on him but here's the beauty of it i the some of the worst shit won't even be business it's not gonna be politics really okay he greased a few electricians, whatever, to get the Trump Tower done. But a lot of it is going to be like shit about him cheating on his wives and shit. And he's going to go, yeah.

Anyways, let's talk about Bill Clinton. You know, Hillary's husband. Who, by the way, that story I talked about, did I bring that up on the last show? Last week? That story I talked about, did I bring that up on the last show, last week? Him banging some fake-titted blonde in Chappaqua that owned a supposedly a for-profit energy company. And he was taking money from the foundation and giving it to her company, which you can't fucking do. But she used to come in and out of the house at Chappaqua. At will.

That was in the post. And that story is still cooking. Imagine being poor Bill. He's out there. It's not even him that's running for the White House. He's doing it for his fucking wife. Who hasn't gave him a handjob since 1973. He has to look at that pulling guard from the University of Michigan.

Fucking canned hams and he's out there on her behalf now he has to take fire think about that that shows you how power corrupts doesn't it by the way connectpal.com slash nick if you want to sign up for these these terrific shows I mean terrific folks you want to sign up for these these terrific shows. I mean, terrific folks.

It got a thumbs up from I'm going to say Cisco and eBay, but they've been they're gone. What do you mean? They're gone. And nothing we can do about it. They're gone.

So I cannot wait to see what what else they try to do to Mr. Trump. And then I don't have this clip but uh he called into the greek midge which is named stephanopoulos's show good morning america i mix them all up today show good morning america welcome fucking ethiopians uh hello america sunrise fucking denver all the stupid morning shows that are so politically correct and just fucking that robin roberts i just look at her and i get queasy she just

fucking exudes political correctness i'm happy she beat cancer yes and all that but just just a manly black woman who fucking same feeling i get when i see uh what's her name meredith viera holy shit could she be me any more peace just like a housewife from westchester county who just a fucking known liberal just i get the same i get this queasy feeling when i see these people katie couric that crooked stupid smile and her stupid foundations and yahoo news and just fucking i can just picture her just blowing somebody in the stall on the hamptons at a fucking lawn michael's party and but my imagination runs wild but uh he called in to to the whatever morning show stefanopoulos hopes gma good morning america

i believe and and george stephanopoulos is giving him third degree because trump won't release his taxes and and you know trump says it's because he's being audited and stephanopoulos it's amazing i mean this guy worked for hillary clinton stephanopoulos that that's it's even allowed that he gets to ask all these political questions and the same with him and Chuck Todd. The degree with which they go at Republicans, and when they're talking to politicians on the right, the fervor is so much more than if he's interviewing Hillary. You know, he'll go through the motions.

Hillary, they say your ass is getting a little fat, and maybe Bill's banging one of your neighbors. And that's it. You know, it's superficial horseshit. But he kept hammering Trump on his taxes. Yeah, but Mr. Trump, Richard Nixon was being audited, and he put his taxes out. And even the IRS has come out and said that, you know, during an audit, you can still put your taxes on that, blah, blah, blah. And just fucking hammering him. And finally, he goes, so what is the tax rate that you pay?

And Trump goes, none of your business. business none of your business hey fucking snapped at him why don't i fucking hit tommy lasota's voice um none of your business george you'll know that when i release my but uh this is the world we live in i mean if the irs says you can release and if nixon releases them while you're being audited you know that's the end of the discussion you just there's something you don't want us to know i guess and then donald trump goes yeah well greta van cester and who's a lawyer by the way uh she agreed with me this is when he sounds like a little kid she said she agrees with me that i i shouldn't release them while they're being... But she said it like this, Greta.

I wouldn't release them either. God, is she hard to fucking listen to. I mean, I'm sure she's a nice lady, but she's fucking hard to listen to. She looks like me When she talks on TV Because I have stroke mouth too Patrice O'Neill The late great Patrice O'Neill Called me stroke mouth

During a tough crowd One of the shows Because I talked out of the corner of my mouth I like to have Greta Van Stuster And I'll be answering somebody She'll go John thank you That's how she ends every conversation

Mary thank you that's how she ends every conversation uh mary thank you but uh i mean he also said i like trump also said hey i tried to pay the least amount of taxes that's what we all do right because and then he says because the government pisses away attack all true by the way all right but let's i would like to see a billionaire's taxes i want to see and he keeps he keeps showing a picture of him sitting next to his tax returns and they're stacked like literally to the ceiling oh fuck he might as well put a why didn't you put that taco bowl you're eating on cinco de mayo you should put that on the top of the taxes and you're going to kill two birds with one stone. So just show us what the fuck's in there. Not that I give a shit. I'm going to vote for you anyways. But I want to hear them digging about Hillary's, you know,

all the shit, whether it's Benghazi or whatever. There's so much shit on her. If they're going to go back to 1991 with Trump, they can definitely go back to Whitewater and all the other horse shit. While she was first lady. What else is going on in this motherfucker? I'll tell you what.

This... Keep your HP cup, this campus. Keep your HP cop this campus. Keep your HP cop this campus. Take that, you chubhead. That is the mantra, isn't it? Hey, I'm sick of hearing about the bathroom controversies, too. I'm very, I don't know. I'm sitting on the fence in this one.

No pun intended. I can't make up my mind. Actually, I can. I mean, the government should not be telling anybody, you know, especially states or municipalities, how to, you know, what bathrooms kids should be using in middle school fucking department of justice you're not supposed to fucking make law it's unbelievable it really is infuriating but i'm trying to put a positive spin on it let's say fellas uh i don't know let's say you're at a uh i don't even ever ever go to take a piss or a dump at the airport, and the janitor's in there, and they got those cones up,

and it says, you know, because he's cleaning the joint. And let's say you got one in the chamber that won't wait. Now you can go walk right into the ladies' room, and they're going to go, what the fuck are you doing in here? And you go, hey, right now my name is Sharon, and I got to take a wicked dump. Get out of the fucking way before I knock you in your ass. See?

There are positives to it. Same with the girls. How many times you guys out there, you young people, you go to a club, right? Or, you know, you go to a club in New York City on a Saturday,

you're all dancing. Ladies, the fucking bathroom line for the girls, I see it at the Comedy Cellar. By the way, smallest bathrooms in the history of New York City and that's see it at the comedy cellar. By the way, smallest bathrooms in the history of New York City. And that's saying something at the comedy cellar. Every time, and I used to work there every night, you'd see, you know, five deep to get into the little girls

room because it's one, like one toilet. And, you know, the guys would just go in and even that's a tiny bathroom. But every once in a while I would go in and a girl would have, you know, have another girl be guarding the men's room door saying my girlfriend's in there. I almost get in there. Matter of fact, this is kind of interesting. I did a gig up here in Westchester at a theater a few years ago. And we went to this bar after. And this guy's in there.

He's got the door locked. It's one of those small bathrooms. And he's in there He's got the door locked It's one of those small bathrooms And he's in there forever We're waiting And all of a sudden He opens or comes out And his wife or girlfriend Goes in

Right after him Into the men's room And I go Hey what the fuck I try to get by him He puts his hands on me So I poke him in the chest Next thing you know

We get each other by You know By our shirts. Like it was almost go time. He's fucking letting his wife take a shit in the men's room. So I'm just saying, fellas, take advantage. If the men's room is out of order at a dance club, like I said, you identify as Karen, who just had a bag of pork rinds and jalapenos, and push your way in.

That's all I'm saying. But this is really nonsense, and I'm glad there's a governor, was it in Texas? Not the North Carolina, but the governor in Texas, Lieutenant Governor, told Obama to basically

go fuck himself because, you know, they're threatening to hold federal monies to these states that won't comply to this stupid rule. And the Lieutenant Governor of Texas is like, we're not going to let your fucking, your 30 pieces of silver buy our children. Go fuck yourself. I fucking love it. And it really is a concern because it's not so much the bathroom situation. It applies to locker rooms too. Think about that. You got a young daughter in school, whether it's middle school, high school.

You want some fucking guy showering with her who has fucking male parts but identifies as a woman. I mean, you know there's going to be guys. You know how horny guys are in high school and college? You know guys are going to go, yeah, I'm fucking, my name is Charlene be guys. You know how horny guys are in high school and college? You know guys are going to go, yeah, I'm fucking my name is Charlene

on Thursday. I want to take a chance. I want to play. Just force your way in. I would do it just to, you should do it just to cause havoc. You people who are against this what the DOJ is trying to force down your throat, that's what you

should do. Just all you male guys, you just start barging into fucking locker rooms at gyms and ballies and into the girls' locker room just to cause havoc and then maybe they'll see their way. But it's all a part of a bigger picture,

I told you, right? It's all a part of what? Gender bender, as they call it. There's no difference. What they, people likeama and people of his ilk and progressives want you to believe there was absolutely no difference between men and women we should start stop looking at each other that way that's all this is it's bigger than it's bigger than the 0.3 percent uh population of transgender people who are actually transgender that's what it's like 0.3 percent you're talking about a minuscule number yet this this shit's in the news every

fucking day and um so it's really bigger than that it's it's about not seeing sex remember kids the only difference between men and women are socially constructed ones. Yeah, that and you have a vagina and I have a dick and I'm stronger than you and bigger than you and faster than you.

But other than that, unless you're talking about, again, Caitlin, or my friend Judy Gold. What? What? Oh, my friend Judy Gold. What?

You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! Oh, God. God, help me. Yeah, so I'm just saying, I wouldn't like it if I had a little girl. You know? And in school, whatever. But, you know, Obama knows better,

and so do the people at Harvard and Yale and whatever the fuck. Whatever. But you fellas in your 20s, like I i said you should be taking advantage of this every chance you get you're out at a club trying to score with broads if you even do that anymore maybe you stay home and you and you swipe right and try to meet a best friend i'll get to that in a few seconds um on an app now guys are just meeting friends as friends i can't fucking take it but if you're out like i said uh you know just barge into the ladies room they can't do anything about it i don't even think you have to slap on lipstick

make it a little bit like you know you're a little confused about your sex slap on a little lipstick and some rouge but then just go in there and just uh wait in that stall. Do what you got to do. I wonder how girls feel about sharing a bathroom with fucking guys. Because I've been to a few places already. There's many places now where they have that unisex bathroom. Aren't you girls lucky, huh? To be able to share a bathroom with a 66-year-old janitor named george who lives at taco bell and drinks old milwaukee yeah aren't you lucky you get to go into the same bathroom as him right after he warms his seat with a 40-minute fucking meadow muffin of a

atomic mustard gas bomb enjoy enjoy your freedom you fought hard for it. Enjoy it. That's what I say. I say that. What's next? On this cavalcade of dog shit. Jesus Christ. Five o'clock already. The fuck? Um. What do I want to do next?

This is just a short buggin'. When response to minimum wage hike uh replace staff with machines what's your argument to that michael moore and norm chomsky and fucking bill maher and uh yeah are you gonna raise the minimum wage of 15 bucks for one of these guys yeah well we're fucking gonna replace all those uh ged employees that we hire with fucking machines what do you think of that now you're really out of fucking work just when you think the fight for a 15 minimum 15 minimum wage is making progress an international corporation uh i can just tell by oh this is from aol see you can just tell just an international corporation hawking old-fashioned hamburgers can you just hear the fucking bias in the phraseology huh can you just hear it i don't even know till i look at the fucking little print that it's

aol i got this story from an international corporation you mean the type of corporations that have pulled more people that provide zillions of jobs across the planet like oh fuck yourself you communist uh yeah an international corporation hawking old-fashioned hamburgers comes along and throws a wrench into the master plan with the aid of a robot army how do you feel about this folks so you're gonna go up to a kiosk now now wendy's one of the world's largest fast food chain says it'll replace replace human employees with automated self-service kiosks and many of its i'm gonna starve to death it's actually a good nose for me i always have trouble at kiosk me about drop a few pounds because i i can't get the wendy's classic out of the fucking pounds because I can't get the Wendy's Classic

out of the fucking slot because I can't figure out the... It's like me trying to check out at Home Depot by myself. I got 40 people in line cursing me out. Guy behind me is holding a snowblower that weighs 400 pounds and I can't figure out

how to get my credit card in there. Yeah, so Wendy's is going to replace these people with the automated self-service kiosks in approximately 6500 restaurants according to wendy's cto ton penninger the sweeping move is an effort to counteract minimum wage hikes the new technology will be made available for all locations later this year but kiosk installation will not be mandatory for franchise restaurants according to investors business daily how's that gonna work the whole thing can be automated right obviously you ever watch that show what is it wrapped or unwrapped on the Food Network? Shows you how, like, jelly beans are made, and they go down and convey a belt, and people are...

It's all total, you know, it's total mechanization. It's all automated and just, it's all machinery. There's no need. Isn't that where we're headed anyways, whether it's Wendy's or, you know, banks now? Banks eventually, you're not gonna there's no tellers there's like three tellers left in the world um isn't that where we're headed anyways but wendy's teased this move last august we continue to look at initiatives and how we work to offset any impacts of future wage inflation through technology initiatives whether

that's customer self-ordered kiosks whether that's automating more in the back of the house in the restaurant i love you they still call them restaurants um yeah the whole process would be but will my burger still be fresh that's my question conservative groups uh that oppose minimum wage increases uh used penninger's statement as evidence that such initiatives would only hurt the working class nine months later penninger is following through on the plan to introduce automated ordering kiosks to control costs some one of these franchises have raised food prices to combat wage increases. But in theory, kiosk adoption could allow franchises to keep pricing consistent despite increases in minimum wage. So I don't understand what the counter-argument to that is.

counter argument to that is because that's that's always when you raise the minimum wage the companies obviously do what they raise their prices to offset that cost to them and uh what happens is people either stop going right it hurt so what's the i don't even know the argument what the libs say to that you You're not supposed to be working at Wendy's. That's not a career fucking job anyways. Raise it to 15 bucks an hour. You guys are all fucked up. So they're going to be the first ones to install self-serving systems on a wide scale. But Mickey D's has also been testing digital kiosks at a

few of its restaurants i wonder how that's gonna sit with black lives matters what are you saying that you know what the fuck i'm saying i used to get nervous i went into a mcdonald's on uh and this is absolutely true off the jersey turnpike on the way to a gig and this is when uh this is absolutely true. Off the Jersey Turnpike on the way to a gig. And this is when Tough Crowd was fucking popular. And there was two young black kids behind a counter at McDonald's. And the kid goes, hey, man, you're the guy on Tough Crowd. And another kid from the back came, oh, shit. And I go, guys, please don't spit on my fucking Filet-O-Fish. And they all started laughing.

I mean, it was a beautiful moment. But but boy did i get up on the counter i stood up on the counter with my work boots to make sure they didn't spit my fish um they were fucking belly laughing when i said that though i go don't be spitting my fish now because you know i said a few things that ruffled a few fucking feathers what you heard me um so i don't know what to tell you kids out there just trying to make a living you're going to be replaced by replaced by uh automation and uh but like i said that's not just the fast food world isn't that pretty much everywhere i mean you gotta be pissed about that right you to be fucking... Fucking quiz! Yeah, exactly. Hey, California.

Here's the headline on this one from California ballot measure blamed for shoplifting jump. Uh-oh. Large retailers, Safeway, Target, Rite Aid, and CVS Pharmacy say they have seen shoplifting jump at least 15% since California voters reduced theft penalties one and a half years ago. Shoplifting reports in Los Angeles increased by a quarter in the first year after voters approved Prop 47 in November of 2014. Preliminary FBI crime reports show a 12% jump in larceny theft, which includes shoplifting. But several experts say there's no proof that reduced criminal penalties caused the shoplifting surge. What are you attributed to, Dinkweeds?

A proposition supporter says law enforcement still has plenty of tools. So what happened? The punishments are less severe when you get caught shoplifting it's not like a misdemeanor unless you have a record of you know something a felony record i guess but uh they've reduced it and and i don't know why you do that in in today's world look at you living in the same world as me why would you why would you do that in today's world. Look, do you live in the same world as me? Why would you, why would you do that? Reduce punishment on such a fucking, especially in California, the third world shithole that it's turned into because of this type of mentality,

a state run by libs and, and they've been in debt forever. And it's just a fucking fiasco. And only they could come to the conclusion. Well, there's been a, we, we lowered the punishment for shoplifting and there's been an increase in shoplifting, but they can't be related. There's no fucking way.

How'd that work out for you? Anytime you give a scumbag a benefit of the doubt, it doesn't turn out good. And don't tell me they're not aware of that on the streets. But that's what people who will argue against it will say. The increase in shoplifting sets up a debate over how much criminals pay attention to penalties. And what are you kidding me? You ever hear young black kids on the street?

They can tell you fucking. And what are you kidding me? Ever hear young black kids on the street? They can tell you fucking. Colin Quinn has the best bit. God, I wish I had a clip of it. About how young black kids in the city and cops, ironically, have so much in common. They use the same lingo and shit.

It's just brilliant. I'm not going to try to do it here because I wouldn't do it justice. But there'll be like an altercation on the street. And then like a bunch of black kids will be standing there and watching one of the brothers getting arrested, and then you'll hear like a young black kid, no, no, that's a sergeant, that's a 252, he gotta stay in the car. That's a 181, he can't get out the car,

the sergeant gotta do it. It's really fucking great. Go see his, well, he's not doing the one-man show, but get that book. What was it called? What did he call it? My New York or something? You know, it's not doing the one-man show, but get that book. What was it called? What did he call it? My New York or something? You know, it's about ethnicity in New York City. I'm plugging my boy Quinn's book, but you guys would absolutely fucking love it.

But I really believe there's a correlation. If you lower the penalty for, let's say, rape, there'd be more rapes. Call me crazy. We'll find out soon once his bathroom law is passed. This kind of really, this is, this kind of really this is this really fucking this is from nbc news really depressed me but it's just so i'm like is it nbc just pushing the left-wing agenda are we really are men becoming this soft and fruity and is it the new Budding bromance. Men are swiping right to find new friends. Outside of college, finding friends in adulthood can get tricky. Really?

Why is that? Right away. Your first sentence, I contest. Outside of college, finding friends in adulthood can get tricky. Yeah, you know why? Because you should be concentrating on work. What, are you going to hang out with the same fucking jerk-offs?

Doing fucking shotgun beers and, uh... Well, the digital dating space has now firmly established a mainstream culture. There's now a wave of apps offering a new way to make platonic connections. Oh, great. Just what what i want more fucking friends yeah but you said you're going on facebook nick i know not to make friends

to sell bucket tickets hate to be so jaded listen to this though there are services like with w-iI-T-H, which is marketed as a social app with which users can create events like brunch or happy hour and invite others along. Smeeters calls itself a social club that connects two groups of friends, reserves a spot at a bar, and buys the first round of drinks for the whole group.

Everything I couldn't fucking stand. I was a loner even in fucking high school. We had bars we loved to go to. Remember those days where you're actually a group of guys, you go out and maybe you'd organically run into maybe a group of girls and try to fuck the living shit out of them? What happened to those days? Now you need apps, I guess.

What happened to the days of just dropping a pill on a drink like cosby you don't need it up i'll stick it in you that's the worst cosby i've ever fucking heard i know what can i say but uh smeeters it called this is an app it's called it's it calls itself a social club it connects two groups of friends reserves a spot at a bar and buys the first round of drinks for the whole oh my god my worst fucking nightmares even in high school like my buddies would call up and it will be it will be 11 phone calls to say where we're going or where we're gonna and i used to go i'll fucking meet you at brandy's i'll take my own car i'm not gonna pick up dougie mikey davey and teddy you guys fucking figure it out. I'll meet you there. And they go, he's an antisocial prick.

And they would have a great time. Bumble BFF. How about this, folks? Bumble BFF is a new feature. Isn't BFF, isn't it Best Friends Forever? Or is that Best Fags Forever? It's a new feature within the popular dating app that lets users swipe for friends. Once both people swipe right in a photo,

each person has 24 hours to start the conversation. Oh, this is terrific. And while women seem to have taken most readily to the feature, plenty of men, and I say men in quotes, are using it too. I'm sure they are i'm sure the fuck they are and here they are after meeting is this really true again or is it just a story to fucking turn this country fruity? Bumble tells NBC News that nearly one million men have used BFF since the feature launched in March.

Imagine using an app named after a phrase that Paris Hilton created. I don't even know if that's true. While the company says 97% of women on the dating app have tried BFF, half of all males on the app have also tried the new feature and they like to gobble goo what that's not in the article the last few years have been so much about swiping for love and men are totally tuned in with what that means i don't think so. Who wrote this? What kind of fucking...

Are you guys really swiping for love? Are you swiping right? Are you swiping for tits and pussy like you should be? Because I'm guessing your young fella's using this. What's exciting is to see them pivot and try BFF, said Whitney Wolfe, another Jewish woman pushing the faggy agenda. Oh, I'm kidding.

Relax. It's a fucking joke. Excuse me. Excuse me. That was horrible. Oh, she's the founder and CEO of Bumble. Fucking Whitney's probably rich. Probably hot, too.

I'd like to swipe you right, right across the side of the head what whoa we were expecting slower adoption from men versus women this is just a fucking promoter stupid app so we're excited to see men use it in a significant way really is that is that how you want your men to meet for brunch oh Oh my god, I got new friends Hey Kevin, you wanna share an omelette on Sunday? You big fucking girl, you No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

No, no, no, no, no, no, no Are you that lonely out there, fellas? No, not this fucking time No fucking way, no fucking way No fucking way, no fucking way, mate Girls are much more, I don't know, it's funny how they, I've seen my wife, like, go to a party, and she'll be introduced, like, go to a party, who am I kidding, that was 17 years ago, he left the house, but she'll meet some women that she had never met before through other women, and then they, she'll actually

contact those women later on i don't know of any of my friends and maybe i'm a different generation maybe we were just dirty pricks i don't know i have to fucking tell you but of course the whole concept is pretty new and this is some guy that used it felt a little awkward at first but once i started to bang kevin on the ass it all seemed so natural no uh it worked out great and now i recommend it all the time it turned out that zimmerman and weiser are both nba candidates oh these are two fellows that met at new york university but had not met until they both swiped right they now hang out several times a week to play basketball to grease each other up and do greco wrestling what no to play basketball go to social

events or have double dates with their girlfriends who they refer to as beards no i don't this is just all and after meeting charlie through app i now understand that it's a great way to meet new friends extend your network and help make the city feel a little smaller and your asshole a lot bigger nick you can't say shit like that i just ah the most hateful podcast on the fucking air you guys don't know what you're missing fucking app from guys to meet their new best friends forever gobble gobble goo oh my fucking word do you know one in ten this is a new story one in ten people use their phones during sex according

to a survey yeah and fucking one in three use them during a comedy show how about that let's work on that first which is kind of funny though because this headline didn't surprise me because when i'm on stage i've used that line a few times. And eight out of ten times, it's a chick checking her phone. And I get furious. And they don't just check it. They have their face buried in, you know, because they didn't do their research before they came out to the comedy club

to see who the headliner was. They didn't know that they were going to be appalled at everything that came out of my mouth. So they go to their phones. But when I catch them, I always go go how would you like it you know if your fucking boyfriend was texting while you were performing and then i you know physically act out him tapping his thumbs on the top of her head while she's blowing him and something you know something of that nature and uh then the boyfriend gets mad and they sit there with their arms folded, both of them looking at me for the rest of the show.

But the phone's off. Anyways. A staggering in a poll, one in ten people have no problem checking their phone while they're having sex. Well, of course, you're on your phone when you're having sex. I mean, fucking porn's right on the phone. It's a little joke there, folks. I mean, fucking porn's right on the phone.

It's a little joke there, folks. Yes, while getting busy, a whopping 10% of people think nothing of reaching for their mobiles. This must be an English paper, is it? And flicking through their texts. That's a bad blowjob. If somebody's fucking giving you a knob job and you're going, I wonder if Kevin got the report from the uh sales last week of course in this article it shows a picture i can tell you right now and i didn't write down what paper i got this from but it's obviously an english paper you know i can tell

because it shows it shows you know it shows a guy checking his phone while his girlfriend has you know her face buried in the pillow like disappointed i gotta believe it's the other way around i might be wrong he could be checking scores and then there's another picture of the skinniest whitest ugly guy he has to be an english paper the guy's got you know fucking guys refer to their arms as pipes he has pipe cleaners. He's got a size 2 little Missy tank top on. And he's... He's the saddest looking little white dude. Of course, he's with this hot fucking black chick. I mean, she's fucking very delicious.

Just from the pictures, I can tell. I'm giving you guys a lesson in how you pick up on the fucking horse shit. I don't think the world's changed that much. I really don't. So, it how you pick up on the fucking bullshit. I don't think the world's changed that much. I really don't. So, it was carried out by the University of Virginia, this study. That's the case. A woman's on the phone during sex, probably looking for a dentist for her boyfriend. This study was carried out by the University virginia and found on average we spent two

hours a day looking at our phones with the alert of a news message or call interrupting pretty much everything we do during the day yes even sex that is the standout statistic for sure with others including that 95 of people have looked at their screens during a social event you know that would be what i do for a living and 70 reaching for the mobile while at work students we use the study took place over two weeks there are also some concerning findings when for example the students had their cells on ring or vibrate they showed symptoms of hyperactivity and struggled to concentrate. Psychology research scientist Mr. Kuzhlev explained, we found the first experimental evidence that smartphone interruptions can cause greater inattention and hyperactivity. Symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. ADHD, if you want to know.

Even in people drawn from a non-clinical population. Yeah, who would have guessed? It's true, man. I find myself trying to watch a fucking game the other night. I had my cell phone right next to me, and I kept picking it up. right next to me and i kept picking it up because i had a picture of uh pam anderson when she was 22 um as my screen saver maybe that was it no um anyways the guy says our findings suggest suggest neither smartphones can cause ADHD, nor that reducing smartphone notifications can treat ADHD. The findings simply suggest that our constant digital stimulation may be contributing to an increasingly problematic deficit of attention in modern society.

No shit there, Sherlock. Thanks for the clue in. That would be, I mean, but that would kind of piss you off. You're banging away and you're fucking just trying to get it on. And your fucking bitch is like, I'm like, if you get that, I will choke you out. If you answer that, I'm working like a jackhammer over here. And your fucking mother's

calling. This is my wife waiting in bed when I walk into the bedroom and she starts doing this. uh fat social justice warrior finally tonight now i'm gonna save these for the next show famous last word uh famous words of uh famous last words of famous people. These are people who have passed away, and we have their last words. I thought I would read them and have fun with them, make up our own.

Again, connectpal.com slash Nick. Connectpal.com slash Nick. Go to nickadip.com for all my tour dates. I'm redoing the website, rebranding everything. I'm going to try to be more of a presence on Facebook since I was told. It can really help you. In what way, fuckfaces? We'll find out.

That's my fuckface book. That should be the page I'm on. Let's listen to a land. That last story about guys using apps to find just platonic friends, it makes me long for the days when men were men and guys talked like this fellow. Tell you what I think about it. I think that is very, very bad. By the way, this is a former manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers, Tommy Lasorda,

one of my favorite people. This is him actually talking to reporters after a game. A few of you sports fans have heard this before, but it just makes me long for the days when we could talk like this. This is in a room full of reporters, by the way, where the tape recorders go. For that man to make an accusation like that, that is terrible. I have never, ever, since I've managed, ever told a pitcher to throw at anybody, nor will I ever.

And if I ever did, I certainly wouldn't make him throw at a fucking 130 hitter like LeFay or fucking Bavacqua who could hit water if he fell out of a fucking boat. And I guarantee you this, when I pitched, and I was going to pitch against a fucking team that had guys on it like Babacqua,

I sent a fucking limousine to get the cocksucker to make sure he was in the motherfucking lineup because I kick that cocksucker's ass any fucking day in a week. He's a fucking motherfucking big mouth, I'll tell you that. Good day from Dodger Stadium, everybody. Oh, my God. Honest to God, it's so refreshing.

Why is it? Because I'm 54, maybe. I don't give a shit. Stick your faggy apps up your ass. Oh, my fucking word. What a world of creeps. What are you saying, Nick? That's a good thing when guys say... Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.

Exactly. You go from that to this. I just can't believe you. I just can't believe you. I just can't believe you. you need to shut the fuck up that is it ladies and gentlemen i will talk to you tomorrow i guess and uh again look for me uh on uh the anthony comia podcast and then like i said i'll be doing joe madarice's podcast that evening and i'll'll be interviewed by The Blaze on Wednesday live on the radio. Okay, kids. That's all I got.

I think I've covered it all. Maybe I'll go on an app and try to find a new friend because I'm lonely over here. I got a new friend. And here he is. He's going to tell you how much I love you. I love you for helping me to construct my life. Not a tavern,

but a temple. I love you because you have done so much to make me happy. You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a touch, without a sign. You have done it

by just being yourself. Perhaps after all, that is what love means. It certainly is. You can't find it on an app. That is why I love you. Maybe you is. You can't find it on an app. That is why I love you.

Maybe you can. I could be wrong. Bye, everybody. guitar solo guitar solo Bye.