The Nick DiPaolo Show - 137 - Hillary's Temper, Ali, Judge Curiel

Episode Date: June 6, 2016

Hillary's Temper, Ali, Judge Curiel

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Let's get it on. Hey, how are you? Nick DiPaolo podcast. It's Monday. That means the free show. And listen to it on iTunes, riotcast.com. If you like it and you want more, two to three more shows a week, go to connectpal.com slash Nick.

Connectpal.com slash Nick. $3.99 a month. You get two to three more shows a week. And it's as popular as ever. I'm going to be honest with you. You got more contributions since Friday than we ever have. On top of new subscriptions which is still climbing so i couldn't be happier guys uh with how this is working out and uh connectpal.com

slash nick and uh let me thank the contributors as we do at the top of the show that make the show possible and uh most of these people I mentioned are people who have contributed on a regular basis. And we had a lot of new ones. But Chad Murrell, as usual. Thank you, Chad, so much. Scott Medler. I think that might be a new one. Nice fat contribution.

Scotty Boy, thank you. Jonathan Keller. Always see his name. Matter of fact, he contributed two this weekend. I'm telling you. And Bunny Galore. A new one, I think. Bunny Galore. I used to bang a Bunny Galore.

It was a strip club in Revere, Massachusetts. She had one hand and a slight mustache. She contributed twice within like 24 hours. Paul E. Frederick, who reaches deep again. Fat contribution. Paul, more than generous. Same with. Frederick, who reaches deep again. Fat contribution. Paul, more than generous. Same with Darren Card, a regular contributor. Dave Harris, also a regular.

Thanks so much, Dave. And our buddy Robert Schlueter, again, a regular contributor. That's the most contributions I've gotten over the weekend and like within a two-day period. I couldn't believe it. I woke up every day and there's something in the box and we appreciate it. We're like a church, you know,

when they pass around the box. They call it the poor basket, we used to call it. I actually put chewing gum in once when I was a kid and got caught hell from that. My buddy Paul Grant dared me to do it and i did it and uh somebody saw me anyways that's another story anyways uh thank you so much

absolutely uh thrilled with the response absolutely uh where the hell am i what am i doing now um good good uh interesting weekend and i haven't talked to you in a few days as usual what did i do uh had an audition on friday for that show uh shades of blue i think it's called cop show with uh you know jennifer lopez and ray leota and uh i read for a cop who's in internal affairs interesting audition because as usual i drive in from northern westchester and uh it's a fucking nightmare just i parked it cost me 57 bucks i was there for about an hour shouldn't have been been there that long but there was some complications uh i'm at the audition i go in there and it's so i i walk in and who's sitting there first waiting to uh audition uh this guy anthony i don't want to mention his i can't remember his last name anthony discalia no anthony

god damn it i should know it anyways he played brendan fallone on the sopranos uh he was in arty's movie bear league he was the guy arty was running against he's one of my favorite actors and it's a bittersweet thing because i walk in there he's the only one in the waiting room and i'm excited to see him yet i'm like oh this fucking guy's got a resume longer than my nuts which are about 14 inches as you know i'm 54 but uh so i'm happy to see him, yet sad, because I know how good this guy is. And so he's there, and it's me. And you sign in when you go to an audition.

You sign in, his name. I go to the thing, his name's there. I sign under it, nobody else. Then our buddy Jimmy Norton comes in a few minutes later, and then Dove Davidoff, another comedian friend of mine, comes in, and then another guy. Anyways, Anthony, the guy comes out, takes Anthony in there to scale you. I'm him why am i calling that anthony that's not his last name

anyways he goes in and he's in there for like 15 minutes which uh makes us nervous the guys that are waiting to go in because that's usually a good sign they spend that much time with you other you know so anyways he comes out and then the guy comes out and goes uh jim norton and i'm going oh jim you must have had an appointment before me just get there late or whatever so then jimmy goes in and uh he's in there for a long time too i'm like what's he shooting a fucking pilot and uh i'm like okay i must be be next. So Jimmy comes out and then the guy comes out and says, Dove, you're next. And I'm like, what the fuck? I don't want to say anything. It's an audition. But I'm like, so the guy takes Dove in and he's in there a while. So I look at the name list where

you sign in and there's a check mark next to everybody that he's taken in so far. But there's also a check mark next to my name. Now, now here comes paranoid Nick DiPaolo. I'm going, did somebody fuck with me? And first I'm thinking it's Norton because, you know, as a practical joke or whatever. And, uh, but my name had a check mark next to it, but obviously I hadn't been brought in and why would there be a check mark next to it? Uh, the guy that's he brought in anthony it was just me and anthony in that waiting room so there's no way he did it by accident or maybe he did i don't know but now that's on my mind so finally he comes out after auditioning dove

and i go excuse me uh i think i was even supposed to be for those two guys and the guy goes yeah i go there's a check mark next to my name i don't know why you haven't brought me in yet and the guy's like yeah no you're right come on and he apologizes like three four times um and of course i say to him boy i'm gonna choke norton he's playing tricks on me or whatever and the guy starts laughing and i'm waiting for the guy to go no i accidentally put a check mark next year and he doesn't say that now my mind is not even focused on what i'm supposed to do and these auditions they're still nerve- is not even focused on what i'm supposed to do and these auditions they're still nerve-wracking for me because look i'm a stand-up comic all right and i'm a pretty good actor but you know these guys like anthony the guy that was here before

me when i walked into the waiting room these guys do they go on three or four of these a day and all week and uh so when you're you know when you dabble in shit you got to be really good so i go in i do the audition and uh the guy keeps apologizing and but in the back of my head he goes me i go maybe he didn't like me it was a casting guy who the movie comedian with denaro uh he he brought that up because yeah i remember you from that so that's why i brought you in and i'm thinking yeah but i only had like a half a line there and i'm like does i get all paranoid anyways i did like so-so on the audition i i there were two scenes like two pages each a lot of shit to remember i find it nerve-wracking like i said because i had a horrible experience when i first got into comedy moved to los angeles my idiot agent threw me in front of the suits at nbc i had never taken an acting class

and i ate a shit burger six inches thick medium rare i was horrendous and it fucking scarred me i walked out of there i was sweating through my i'll never forget it it was like a childhood rape and uh so every time i go to audition i have to really mentally go hey relax and i have gotten shit over the years so you know and you guys have seen me act so i i can act but there's a lot of people who can act and i've heard these are famous people who say they're terrible auditioners julie julie louise dreyfus whatever her name is julie yeah julie dreyfus but i remember her saying that in an interview, she goes, you know, I'm a horrible auditioner

and I've read that from a lot of people yet they still continue to get movies and shit so they're probably not that bad. But anyways, and here's the other thing,

I was only in there about half the time that the few guys that went in before me were, which I take that as a bad signal as the guy like, all right,

enough of this. But then, you know, I brought it up with a few people, including Norton, who I saw at Robert Kelly's cookout. And Norton's take was the same as my wife's. But I think they're just trying to be positive. Jimmy's like, no, you probably got exactly what he wanted from you quicker than he had to work with us because we weren't giving him. But when they when they work with you, that means they see something there. I didn't feel good because I didn't i didn't bang it out of the park i didn't strike out either but i'd say it was a fly ball not even to the fucking warning track you know

anyway and then i get these goddamn reading glasses which at an audition it's very confusing i did auditions for years when you do an, you hold the script in your hand, right? And if you forget your line or whatever, you can look down at the paper because it's the first audition. It's just with the casting director. You're not expected to be completely off book. But if you are, they really want to see performance. So what I do is when I go in there, I throw the script on the floor.

Like, hey, I got it down. Let's fucking do it. So I got into my own head a couple times, forgot my fucking lines. But again, that's, but I didn't have the script in my hand. I threw it down let's fucking do it so I got into my own head a couple times forgot my fucking lines but again that's but I didn't have the script in my hand I threw it on the floor and uh because I thought I knew it so the second time I did it I put the script in my hand and uh I got my reading glasses but I don't have them on so I forget my line I look down at script I see blurry yellow shit mixed in with yellow highlighter and I'm like what the I said that a guy should I wear these fuckers? He goes, well, if it makes you comfortable. But then I look like a fucking I look like an accountant. You know, I look like a fucking jerk off agent that represents me. And, you know, so anyways, it became very interesting. And I leave there all paranoid going, who the fuck put a checkmark next to mine? I leave there all paranoid going, who the fuck put a check mark next to mine?

So it was a so-so audition. Like I said, I was only in there, I'd say, half the time that Dub was in there or Anthony or even Jimmy. So I don't know. Maybe that meant I had a horrible audition or maybe I gave them what they wanted. In my fantasies, it's like, we really wanted you anyways. We were just in anyways. It's a horrible process it's a horrible horrible process anyway um what else uh robert kelly had his his kid's birthday party every year so he has like a sort of memorial day cookout he He moved it from Sunday to Saturday at his house. He lives about 14 minutes from me.

And that was fun. By the way, happy birthday, Colin Quinn today. Turned 66 years old. Congratulations. I sound like a weatherman. Happy birthday to Colin Quinn. Yeah, his birthday's today, I believe. So,

Colin was there with his girlfriend jimmy norton obviously rich voss and bonnie um who the hell else gary gulman um a bunch of people dennis larry's partner jimmy serpico was there uh dan soda uh rachel feinstein uh keith robinson my buddy keith keith is you guys i think you know who he is from tough crowd he was the black guy not patrice this was the normal size black guy that me and him used to get into it on tough crowd all the time who i love by the way i think i like him better than he likes me but keith had a stroke a few months back, and it's the first time I've seen him. He looked healthier than ever, but he's got like a thing on his hand,

you know, like a soft, I don't want to say a soft cast, but like a brace, and I think he had a cane. And we continued to torture him, like comedians will do. They brought out a birthday cake, and Robert Kelly's kid's trying to blow out

three candles for like eight minutes. And I say, can we get Keith to drool on the last two candles? And everybody's like, oh, and I'm like, fucking blow me. Is this a party with comedians or what? Keith's laughing his balls off. And it was good to see Keith Robinson. Seriously, man. It just reminds us.

It's funny because Keith said to me last fall when I was doing an episode of The Cop Show, Colin Quinn's web series, there was a scene. I was down on the crouching position. I go to get up, and my knees are killing me. And Keith's laughing. He goes, don't worry, man. It'll all be over soon. In other words, we're all going to be dead in 20-some years.

And it wasn't long after that. He had a stroke. That was kind of creepy. I call it the tough crowd curse you know me norton and colin are the only healthy ones left from the original you know the late great giraldo's gone late great patrice o'neill uh kenny ober passed away since then keith has a stroke it's it's fucking creepy makes me wish i was part of a daily show. What? Oh, yeah.

Those libs are fucking healthy. They'll live to a thousand. But, yeah. Anyways. And Saturday night, Bobby V's out in Windsor Lock, Connecticut. Thank you guys for coming out to Bobby V. It was a good turnout. I think this finally I've learned how to use thanks to the wife uh facebook and um how to market myself because the last two one-nighters i've done have been pretty damn full and uh thank you guys for

coming out it was fucking great bobby v's i thought it was gonna be a shithole place uh but it was nice it was you know it's in a big complex with uh off-track betting and restaurants and it was all very very clean and new looking to me and the crowd was fucking great did like an hour and three minutes I hadn't been on in a few weeks couldn't shut my yap and uh they were a little touchy it's just so funny but is it that they're touchy or that I'm just a comedian and jaded and when they don't laugh at shit that would shock most normal people?

I think there's a lot to do with that. But I had a good time and Axelrod did a nice job setting that shit up. I was pleasantly surprised. Oh, by the way, Bobby Kelly had his face painted. He had a face painter there for the kids. He had his face painted like a tiger for the whole cookout. Now picture this. Bobby's about 5'10". I'd say about 3'01 at this point. And he's got that shaved head with those wrinkled pack of hot dog sausage back of his neck look. And he's got the tiger face on. How scary was that? He's

sweating through his t-shirt. I walk out to leave. He's sitting in a swing in the front yard. I mean, all he needed was a trench coat and a bag of Twinkies. Looks like he was waiting for the middle school bus to pull up so he could pick up little Jimmy. It was very fucking crazy. It was burned into my mind, that image. Anyways, so it was a good weekend, and thanks, uh, to Bobby V's. Come see me on two nights at, uh, you know what the brokerage in Belmore, Long Island. I'll be there this Wednesday night. I'm trying to put it out together. I gotta, I gotta work in order. It's boring. It'll still be funny, but I'm just saying I'm having them record it because Epic said they want to

see something. So I'll give it to epics but if you do come don't yell shit out please don't turn on your cell phone just let me get through the set i don't even give a shit if you don't even laugh just let me get through it it's more about the material these guys want to see so uh cool and this weekend jesus a lot of plugs i'm sorry the comedy zone in foxborough j June 10th and 11th. That's this weekend. And then the following weekend, New Milford, Connecticut. Another Brad Axel, our treehouse comedy gig, Fast Eddie's on June 18th. That's a Saturday night.

All right. What else went on since I talked to you last? A whole bunch of shit, wasn't it? Kind of an interesting weekend. We lost Prince again. No, obviously. The big news, Muhammad Ali. I don't know how you felt about him.

I get mixed feelings. They're making him out to be a goddamn you know like a head of state he had his good and bad points but here he is when he was young right after the Sonny Liston fight I'm the greatest thing that ever lived I don't have a mark on my face

and I upset Sonny Liston and I just turned 22 years old I must be the greatest I told the world I talk to God every day and God's witness came over me against Miss Sonny I shook be the greatest. I told the world I talk to God every day. If God's with me, can't no doubt it be against Miss Jenny. I shook up the world. I shook up the world. I am the king of the world.

Hold it, hold it, hold it. He shook up the world. That's kind of ironic. He's been shaking ever since, the poor bastard. But, I mean, definitely a global icon. No doubt about it. Shook up the world in 1996 remember he handed off the olympic torch that year they gave him the uh i think it was athlete of the century award

and i made the joke i remember i said it on stage and it killed for a couple weeks i said the guy who should have got the athlete of the century is the guy that ali handed the torch off to guy spent three months in the burn center uh that's a little uh parkinson's joke folks can you talk about by the way he didn't actually have parkinson's believe it or not um he had they called it like pugilistic dementia uh you know brought on from being smacked in the head i'm expecting to get that in a few years my dad was quick with his hands when i used to mouth off but um yeah that was an unbelievable moment when he handed off the olympic torch because he was bad back then that was like 96 and uh you know but look here's what i he definitely he was charismatic and and probably the greatest fighter i i wouldn't even argue that pretty funny very likable but you know

embracing the nation of islam and he's a hero for going against the war i don't buy any of that shit um you know he kept singing about how religious he was but he had you know kids out of wedlock and fucked around on his wife and we all know how islam treats gay people so yeah you know whatever but uh it did take a lot of courage i guess you know to be a black guy saying i'm you know gave up three years of his career and his peak uh make a point. So you got to, you know, you got to like his principles and shit, but he was flawed. He was a flawed guy. And he's the one,

the only thing I don't like most is that he's the one who started the trash talking. Black athletes took that fucking baton and ran with it, haven't they? And I'm not a big fan of that. I used to love, I used to hear black athletes saying larry bird started trash talking yeah that's right they'll run one fucking white athlete who was tremendous started it but uh it was ali with his big yap and i love when joe frazier shut it but you know he said

racist shit about joe frazier and wasn't called on it and and the media blew him just like they blow Obama. I guess if you're black and Muslim, and, you know, the media in this country will kiss your ass no matter what you say. But definitely, it's one of those things you're glad to see him go because it was sad to see him the way he was, you know, suffering like that. But, God, what a fighter. I was just watching some clips yesterday online. That whole rope-a-dope thing. And man, was he fast for a heavyweight.

Those friggin' hands of his. But when Joe Frazier caught him with that fuckin' left hook, I think that's the one that gave him his dementia. Obviously, it was an accumulation, an aggregate of punches to the skull. But that one had to do some fucking damage. Damage? Yeah, damage. See, even I have it. I think it's contagious. You talk about it, and you get it.

But it was creeping me out when he kept saying I shook up the world. So Ali, rest in peace. Gets up to the pearly gates. I picture like, uh, Joe Frazier standing at the pearly gates like a bouncer in front of a nightclub. Going, you ain't getting the fuck in here. You called me a gorilla, bitch. So he's in purgatory right now. But, uh, rest in peace, Muhammad Ali.

Oh, and I read it. I read in the paper that the other thing he used to say Cassius Clay was his slave name. Cassius Clay was the name of an abolitionist, actually. So that was totally wrong. But who's going to look up little facts like that, right? Anywho. So who have we lost? Prince?

Ali? It's been a year, huh? Doris Roberts? I'm throwing her in. She was the mother on Everybody Loves Raymond. She had a wicked right hand, I heard. Hey, anybody speaking of fights, did you see that Salido-Fargus fight that was on? I think it was this past week.

My God. They say it's the fight of was on? I think it was this past week. My God. They say it's the fight of the year so far. We're halfway through 2016. You want to see nothing better than two tough Mexicans getting in the ring and just fucking. They, like they said, they could have fought this in a phone booth. They were hitting each other with uppercuts, and just it was a majority draw decision.

So Fargus holds on to the title, I guess. But that's Salido. Oh, my God. What a fight. If you get a chance on HBO, you know how they run that thing throughout the week? Knowing me, that fight was probably eight months ago. And you're all laughing right now going, what the fuck? Wake up. I don't know.

I prefer, you know, tennis. Yeah, Lee and... So that's pretty much in the sports world. My Red Sox pitching sucks, by the way. I'm going to be fair here. I've been bragging about their offense. I could hit them right now. They give up seven home runs in Baltimore one night.

Next night, two more. And then Funk in Toronto hit like four yesterday in Fenway. I don't know about that. We're going to have to score 18 runs to win, apparently. What's going on? World of Politics, as you know, that's what we do on this show a lot. Why the fuck are my notes

upside down here? It's a dangerous situation. Audition, Bobby V, he's covered that. Muhammad Ali. How about Trump? Yeah, up and about the, and again, I'm going to go against popular opinion here. Trump making a deal, you know,

people are suing him. A know, people are suing him. A couple of people are suing him for Trump University, saying it was a fraud. And the judge in the case happens to be, his last name's Quirrell, Hispanic, Mexican heritage. And Trump is saying that this guy is coming after Trump extra hard because of his Mexican heritage. And that's causing a, oh, that's causing a big fucking stir. Here's what Trump said at a rally. That's causing all kinds of shit. Because it was me and because there's a hostility toward me by the judge,

tremendous hostility beyond belief. I believe he happens to be Spanish, which is fine. He's Hispanic, which is fine. And we haven't asked for recusal, which we may do. But we have a judge who's very hot. Well, okay, so now the big thing is, oh, my God, how could he say that? All the Sunday talks, isn't that blatantly racist? No, it's not. No, it's fucking not.

You're going to tell me there's never been a judge who's in the history. First of all, white judges get accused of it all the time from people of color. Okay? So what? It's only white judges and white people who have biased racist thoughts based on ethnicity and race. You're going to tell me, again, Trump points out, you know, because he's building the wall, he wants to build a wall between that, that that is going to influence. And of course, everybody's like even, you know, that's baloney. That's just racist to say something like that.

How can you say that about this judge? I happen to believe it's fucking true. You're going to tell me a guy who went to I'm sure he went to an Ivy League school. He's a judge now, probably liberal in his politics. You're going to tell me, by the way, appointed by Obama. So don't tell me, don't fucking tell me that that doesn't weigh in a little bit. I don't give a shit. Now, whether that's a smart thing for Trump to say out loud, given the, you know, the tensions he's created

between him and possible Hispanic voters. That's another argument, probably not the brightest thing you do. But don't fucking tell me that that's, you know, outrageously racist and shit. He's accusing somebody else of being a little racist. That's not possible. that's such baloney such friggin baloney we know all judges can be biased and not just about race but uh i didn't think that's such an outrageous statement like i said again now if it's a smart thing to say politically i don't know you had all the dickheads on uh the sunday morning shows going you know andrea mitchell who's got the fucking skin of edward james almost uh when is she gonna retire she did not write it's a racist and shut your fucking pockmarked face you dummy you she's got the skin of james wood's ass i mean just uh oh it's so

so quick to the blonde haired blue eyed racist They're just playing that to the hilt and they just won't shut the fuck up about it. The Sunday morning shows McConnell was on Meet the Press and listen to Chuck Todd, because the best thing you can do is get a Republican, the head of the Senate, you know, McConnell, or any Republican, or any congressman, or senator, anybody from the right to admit, you know, that Trump's a racist. Listen to the enthusiasm with which Chuck Todd, he just wants McConnell to admit, just listen to this exchange. You know what he has said about this federal judge that's overseeing the Trump University lawsuit.

He has called, he has essentially said he cannot be impartial because he's Hispanic. That's a is that not a race? Did he hit Chuck? Thought he started to say is that is that a racist? That's a race. He started to say that's a racist. Then he goes, is that not turned it into a question? He showed a little bit of his bias there. That's a race. Is that not a racist statement? I couldn't disagree more with a statement like that. Is it a racist statement? By the way, McConnell, the human owl, I call him, with those stupid granny glasses. He's got the chin of a bullfrog, which means he has no chin.

He's a perfect, his face is a perfect metaphor for his just weak chinned. He's the reason Republicans have got hand asses handed to him the last fucking two elections just a week although here i'm giving him some credit because he wouldn't he would he wouldn't fall for the bait you know he wouldn't say yeah that's racist i'm giving a little credit it's because he's from kentucky couldn't disagree more with what he what he had to say okay but do you why we do you think it's a racist statement say it i don't agree with what he what he had to say okay but do you why we do you think it's a racist statement say it i don't agree with what he had to say say it say it he asked him again i guess i cut off the clip isn't it racist say it he must ask him three times isn't that a racist emma

carnell wouldn't take the fucking bait yeah disagree. I disagree totally with what he said. But isn't it a racist statement? And Chuck Todd just couldn't get it out of him. So wanted him to say that. And I'm sorry. I'm with Trump. And again, I'll say for the third time, not politically expedient, maybe. You know, people have said to me a thousand times

you're gonna know when to pick your fights and i said bullshit if a fucking if i go to a restaurant and and my food fucking sucks and uh you know you know what am i supposed to do eat the steak because it's raw but if i say something bad it goes back to the kitchen and they shit on it i don't give a fuck you know what i? I say something anyways, send the steak back. And when it comes back, I send it back again just to bust their balls and I don't eat it. But I'm sorry. Doesn't make them fucking racist. And then he said it.

Yes, he doubled down. He said it about Muslims. They asked him about Muslim judges. And he said, yeah, no, I think they'd have trouble being impartial too. And you know what? So do I. There's plenty of evidence of it. So kiss my grits.

Kiss my goddamn grits. Connectpal.com slash Nick, folks. Connectpal.com slash Nick for more of this. These are the stories I did. I did. I'm not going to get to it today, but probably tomorrow. Democrats on the FEC, the Federal Election Commission, they're trying to regulate political jokes.

So it's starting, folks. It's starting. The Hispanic judge has not replied uh well he hasn't put out a statement after trump said that he might be biased towards trump because he has hispanic background they did catch him somebody did tell the judge that trump said that and he didn't put out a statement but they caught him doing this. What did the judge? Yeah. Yeah, so people are...

See, but you can't give in. Sorry, and I'm glad the no-chin jerk-off didn't either. But that's, once again, it's the race card. Do you see, folks, how they hold on to it? Because it's worked for so many years, the left. They keep, and I don't give a shit if Trump ends up not being the president. I'm glad he's stuck to, just him sticking to his guns and not giving in on the race car thing. Shows he has more balls than the last thousand Republican politicians that have gone through Washington.

So what? Because I'm fucking, oh, mama mia. It just drove me nuts watching those Sunday morning shows. Yes, I realize they're biased, but I watch them anyways. I like the curse at the TV. My wife goes crazy. I'm like Archie Bunker when he used to watch the news. Remember he'd click, he'd put on the news. He had a remote, by the way,

back then. I don't know how that was possible. And he'd put on the TV and he goes, Peter Jennings, this guy's good for, no, he'd go, oh, Cronkite, this guy's good for a laugh. That's go, oh, Cronkite, this guy's good for a laugh. That's exactly how I feel. But, so, I think it's a big to-do about nothing. And we shall see, shouldn't we?

We shall see. Matter of fact, it might be a brilliant move. Now what does the judge do if he rules against Trump? Everybody's going to say Trump is right. He's raced. He's painting him in a corner. Maybe he's a genius, Trump. He's got to stop.

He does have to stop. He uses too much hyperbole. This guy's against me. I mean, you wouldn't believe how much this guy hates me. He always uses a little too much hyperbole. Makes him sound like a if i can use car salesman but uh what bummed me out is nuke gingrich who i like what nick you like no yeah i do like him a lot he's a great speaker of the house he actually got shit done that bill clinton uh took credit for like the contract with america welfare reform

that was all out of newt's big giant forehead in my opinion and it's fact so fuck off trump uh you know trump didn't like gingrich came out and and said it was inappropriate what trump said about the judge and donald trump said it was a no gingrich said it was stupid and trump came came out and said that Gingrich's remarks about Trump being dumb, as far as this ethnicity thing goes, Trump said Newt's being inappropriate. Newt said that he should drop the subject and start acting like a potential leader of the United States.

But that's what you all have done. Okay, that's what you all have done. Okay, that's what you all have done the last few years. And where did it get you? Fuck that. Stick your guns. By the way, Curiel is a former federal prosecutor born in Indiana. We know he's from this country. They kept bringing that up, too. But he's got Mexican heritage. So don't fucking tell me. He hasn't responded to Trump's attacks and blah, blah, blah. And Trump hasn't, you know, they haven't asked to recuse him from the bench either. A day earlier, Gingrich said of Trump's focus on Curiel's ethnic background,

it was inexcusable and Trump's worst mistake. I disagree there, giant forehead, smart guy who looks like a 70-year-old Jack Black. Next time you see, what? You heard me. Next time Gingrich smiles, pause your TV set. He looks just like Jack Black. That's what Jack Black's going to look like in 30 years. But Gingrich was one of several Republicans who publicly demanded that the presumptive GOP candidate move on and unite the party. And I say, fuck that.

Who are you guys to give him advice? He smoked the field. Smoked him. You see how it is, though? Him questioning the judge's impartiality, that's racist. But Mitt Romney brings up a fact that you know half the electorate wouldn't vote for him because he's not giving out free shit remember he got caught saying that that painted him as a fucking cost him the election and it's so

fucking um so yeah gingrich that kind of uh makes me believe now that gingrich might not be uh the front runner for the v slot. I might be wrong. Might be wrong. But I think that would be a killer ticket, you know? But of course, you know, Mitch McConnell said, I think it's a big mistake for our party to write off Latino Americans. I don't know. Let's start a whole new party. Maybe not. Yeah, but that's the future, blah, blah, blah. Shut up. Still make up 23%, as opposed to 69% white.

I know. A lot of those whites are liberal, and I know. Bah, bah, bah. I say go down swinging. Anyway, Hispanic judge, Mr. Curiel, did you hear Trump's comments? Yes, I did. Apparently the judge has a live audience.

So ridiculous. Eddie Murphy, heck. What? No, he's kind of funny. But, uh... Please come to Denver, she said no. Boy, why don't you come home to me and uh i was watching uh what the hell else was i watching oh bill marshall real time and it was fascinating keep your eye out for that one they run that on the nine hbo's because you got to get that message out there.

But he had, you know, the black astrophysicist who's a real, and he is, you're an astrophysicist, you're a fucking genius about being, you know, about physics.

But, you know, as usual, they come on the show and they, you know, you know, the left and science and blah, blah, blah. And Neil, you know who I'm talking about, Neil deGrasse Tyson, whatever his name is.

Very bright guy, no doubt about it. But they come on the Bill Maher show and they think they know shit about politics. And it was so goddamn funny. Bill Maher was shitting on Trump because I guess Stephen Hawking said something about Trump. And Trump tweeted out something about Hawking. Or I don't know if they were mocked up tweets that Bill Maher did. But while he's doing the bit, the point is people kept moaning. And he made a couple other jokes that weren't even, they involved ethnicity.

They weren't, it wasn't attacking anybody. But the crowd kept moaning and Bill Maher lost his shit like I do. And I love it because, again, I enjoy his show

and if I was a lefty, I would like Bill Maher. But, he helped create this fucking environment where comedy audiences take everything too hyper. And right in the middle of it, Bill Maher goes, oh, shut the fuck up to the audience.

And it was fucking funny. And then he kind of lost him a little bit, which I do all the time. But people know it's coming. And I'm not on national TV doing it. But it was so goddamn funny. Just to see him kind of lose. He was disgusted with the fucking audience. He goes, really?

Are we that fucking? He goes, oh, fuck you. And Neil deGrasse Tyson thought he was talking to him. Bill's like, no, I'm talking to the audience about being too sensitive. But then they brought up they started talking politics and shitting all over trump and ba ba ba and what idiots follow trump and vote for trump and mr tyson the astrophysicist genius says they started talking about you know san jose and uh all the shit the protesters not the protesters um the supporters of trump getting harassed on the way out and and a bunch of shows covered that this. But they kept mentioning just one incident when the girl got hit in the face with the egg. Like that's the only thing that happened. I saw a middle aged guy and his wife trying to fight through the crowd getting swung at. I saw a young white kid running from a black kid who tackled him. Another white kid got sucker punched by a black or brown,

I don't know what it was. But they didn't mention any of that on the shows this weekend, including Bill Maher. They mentioned the one girl, the Trump girl, who was cornered

and get hit in the face with an egg. So that started the conversation about Trump. And, you know, the mainstream media makes it, they report it like this. Well, Trump has to do something.

He's causing violence everywhere he goes. That's basically how mainstream media makes it, they report it like this. Well, Trump has to do something. He's causing violence everywhere he goes. That's basically how the mainstream media paints this. But Mr. Tyson says, he goes, well, if you hate Trump, your ire should be at the education system, who educated all these idiots who are going to vote for Trump, which might have been the stupidest thing. I couldn't believe, this goes to show you can be an astrophysicist

and not know what the fuck you're talking about. And even Bill Maher caught him. I'm at home going, the education, yeah, that conservative bastion of conservatism, those college campuses and high schools and middle schools that teach nothing but conservative values. That's what created the Trump followers. It's just the fucking opposite. Liberal fucking morons.

And even Bill Maher cut him off and goes, well, he goes our side. The liberals has a lot to answer for education. Does Mr. Degrassi, Mr. Tyson, is too busy looking into his microscope to, you know, he's not aware of social justice warriors and Black Lives Matters and safe spaces and speech codes. Doesn't he understand that all that shit created Donald Trump?

He couldn't have been more wrong. Everybody misspeaks. But I'm glad Bill Maher caught him on it. So, you know, and he called him on it. But can you imagine blaming the educational system for creating people who are going to vote for? That's how dumb, you know, it's like stick to your black holes and whatever you fucking stick to your climate change, global warming, global warming theories. Stick to your climate change, global warming theories. But it was fascinating to watch Bill Maher lose his patience with his liberal audience, which he's done a few times, which means they're eating their own. And there's nothing that makes my dick harder than watching the, you know, the left eat each other. And that show is just, it's just so fucking biased it's just the panel they have one guy in the middle who said like two words

uh who's you know representing sort of the conservative point of view but he's smart smart not to open his mouth because people are just going to look at you like you're a dick the live audience. I mean, they're turning on Bill Maher. What chance does a fucking somebody that, you know, leans right in their politics have in front of that audience? But Bill Maher was like fucking furious. It made me feel so good to see him. And it's the second or third time I've seen it in the last year where he fucking snaps on the audience.

He goes, goes oh fuck you and uh yeah mr tyson is like uh fuck me he had that look bill maher's like no the audience he made it like an uh what was the other joke was an was an Indian joke. A couple of them, again, had to do with race or whatever. But just like fun, funny jokes. And the audience was like, ah. You helped create that. I'm sorry. You guys helped create that environment, not me.

I feel vindicated if it all ended tomorrow with my lashing out on Tough Crowd for a couple seasons. Showing that to the right of Mussolini or whoever, pick your favorite. I don't know why they always equate fascists with the right, but Jonah Goldberg wrote a book called Liberal Fascism, which everybody should read that, by the way. It's another one. Scoop up a toot-toot.

Remember last week I was talking about Marxism and somebody had written an article. The whole thing about, you know, the whole transgender controversy is really just baloney. It's not a civil rights issue. It's about redefining the nuclear family because that's what Marxists do. Karl Marx hated the nuclear family.

And he said that was the cog that drove capitalism. The housewife is being oppressed by the husband who go out and makes a living. And again, slouching towards Gomorrah. That book I read. And it's all fucking true. It's all true. So what they're trying to do now is redefine roles. A man is, you know, man, woman, no difference.

Only difference between the sexes are socially constructed ones and people are buying into this shit. That way the nuclear family melts, right? If everybody's equal, the dad's not running the household and that's what you need if you want to have a socialist, if you want a socialist regime to control people they have to all be individuals you can't have little pockets together fighting against it so you know everybody has to be equal the wife the husband the kids there's no difference it really is i'm sorry i fucking i read that 20 something

years ago and it's ruined every movie and TV commercial because the people that, you know, fucking write this shit in Hollywood, you know, they fucking blow Karl Marx. Anyways, why are you bringing that up, Nick? I got a cold all of a sudden. Hold on. That was a clam. That was a big Ipswich clam. I stumbled across that movie, The Intern.

You want to see a classic case of what i was talking about we talking about cultural marxism watch that fucking movie where they you know reduce robert de niro the most manly actor of our time the raging bull to a squeaking little mouse and ann hathaway runs her own, her high-tech company that she started and her husband is a stay-at-home guy. By the way, the husband in the movie, you know, he looks like a hipster from Brooklyn, shitty beard, glasses, a guy that couldn't get abroad like Anne Hathaway in real life if he had fucking 70 million dollars in the bank. They love doing that too. That's another thing. Like Kevin James hooked up, you know with leah remney on king of queens they always hook up a guy who could never get the wife the wife is 12 times hotter than he is it's like a just a way of poking again poking people poking guys finger in

their eyes going look at this only in fucking fantasy land can this happen nick are you paranoid no fucking that's how i see it so shut it anyways watch this movie if you get a chance if you can sit through it just not don't watch it for the entertainment value watch it to see the fucking marxist horse shit the husband's reduced he's in the kitchen making the you know the little girl his daughter's lunch well she goes off to work and runs a corporation he can't even do that well you know he's fucking and if that's not bad enough that he's reduced to the bitch there's one scene he's on the fucking phone she's getting ready for work and he's like he you know

he answers the phone and he's like to ann hathaway to his wife oh you know dave and lisa i'm paraphrasing want us to go out thursday. Can we? They're just taking dialogue and fucking reversing it. And yes, I know there are some households where the woman is the career person. But I mean, if this is what guys have been reduced to, it's classic. What we were talking about last week. Just so embarrassing. And not only in the movie is the guy reduced to the bitch and the wife you know having play dates and fucking whatever uh i'm just saying i and i

know that exists in today's world but not to the fucking extent that holly wants you to believe it i'm sorry and uh not only is he emasculated the husband he ends up cheating on her because she's too busy with work and i would only wish my wife was too busy with work i'm grabbing a piece of that i would never do that i'm not cassius clay um but uh yeah so now he's a he's a cheating bastard on top of having a vagina in the movie. Really. Classic. Watch it. Classic. Nuclear redefining the nuclear family. That's all this is about.

Every fucking movie and TV show. That's all it's above. I'm telling you. Do you like it, Nick? You got... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't have to accept it. You guys can fucking no no no no no not this fucking time no fucking way no fucking way no fucking way no fucking way you may in hathaway's a great actress by the way

and denaro you know he's just his the one thing i did like about the movie was sort of paying homage to denaro's character you know he's like in his 70s he's an intern for her she's like in her 20s and uh he's the only one that you know has these concrete values and she leans on him a lot after realizing you know first dismissing him because of his age and uh so that was kind of a thumbs up and they try to justify it like halfway through the movie she explains that her husband quit his job so she could be the successful one. He was really the successful one. They throw in one line. I see how they do it.

I see how they do it. They throw in one fucking line just to justify all the anti-male horseshit and new age psychobabble that they just shoved down your throat. They try to justify. Oh, by the way, my husband was the more successful and he quit to let me do this. Yeah, I'm sure that's fucking happened. Get the fuck out of here. But, and again, I'm sitting there.

I'm like, God damn it. It's like a good story. If you put the message aside for five minutes, yes, we know women are strong and they can have it all. They can have a family and kids. It's like fucking five times in the movie. She like really are we still saying that about women who have a career and a fam she must it's like jesus christ we get it we get it you fucking angry broads god damn

i asked this question how come uh hill Hillary hasn't brought up Venezuela once? Or maybe she has. I don't follow the thick-ankled dog face, big-titted whore. How come she doesn't, you know, Bernie Sanders is, you know, preaching socialism. How come she isn't bringing up what's going on in Venezuela right now? People fucking killing each other with hatchets over a $180 pound of hamburger in Venezuela. There's literally riots, rapes, murders. The stores are empty. That's socialism, folks. That's Hugo Chavez, Sean Penn's best friend, who's dead now. But all the Hollywood

libs were sucking his dick. You know, Michael Moore, where are you now? But why isn't Hillary bringing that up every two seconds? You know why? Because she believes in it too. The thick ankle fuck. How is she going to keep those ankles at 11 inches if there's no peanut butter on the shelves? That was a cheap show. Yeah, it was.

Fuck her and everything she believes in. Let's get into Hillary, shall we? Somebody ought to. I keep hearing people going, there's nothing, the scariest thought in the world is Donald Trump with his finger on the button.

Now, I'd say that what's even more scary than that is the scariest thought in my head is anybody's finger on Hillary's button. If she even has one. Clip the size of a frisbee and it's got a sad face on it. You know this emoji? You know the sad one? That's what her clit looks like. How do you know? Ah, I heard. If she has a clit, I still think she's got a big thick tree trunk cock and giant gray balls. But that's my opinion, Bill. You're goddamn right. Hey.

Before I get into Trump, I mean, excuse me, Hillary, one more thing about Trump. They're digging up some dirt on him, finally. You know? It's gonna be fun. It's gonna be a war in the streets. But they got some audio of Trump

when he was at Wharton, I guess. No, I guess he graduated. He was already a successful businessman, but he took some course, some economics course, and he got into it with a teacher. Somebody recorded it. You will see the final bottom line requires the factoring in of not just the material and construction costs, but also the architect's fees and the costs of land servicing.

Oh, you left out a bunch of stuff. That's Trump. Oh, really? Like what, for instance? Well, first of all, you're going to have to grease the local politicians for the sudden zoning problems that always come up. That is the kickbacks to the carpenters. And if you plan on using any cement in this building, I'm sure the team should like to have a little chat with you,

and that'll cost you. Oh, and don't forget a little something for the building inspectors. Then there's a long-term cost, such as waste disposal. I don't know if you are familiar with who runs that business, but I assure you it's not the Boy Scouts. That'll be quite enough, Mr. Mellon. Maybe bribes and kickbacks and mafia payoffs are how you do business, but they are not part of the legitimate business world, and they're certainly not part of anything I'm teaching in this class. Do I make myself clear? Sorry, just trying to help, that's all. Now, notwithstanding Mr. Mellon's input, the next question for us is where to build our factory. How about fantasy land?

Yes, Hillary dug that up. Tell me he doesn't. What is the connection? I keep bringing it up. First, I said Trump was, you know, he was the guy in Caddyshack. That's who Trump is. Al, the guy they're trying to join. Bushwood. And now I see him as this guy that went back to school. I'm telling you, Trump and Rodney are the same guy. Or his character. Anyways,

finally tonight on Meet the Press, there's a book out, Crisis of Character. A White House Secret Service officer discloses his firsthand experience with Hillary, Bill, and how they operate. The book is by Gary J. Byrne, former presidential Secret Service officer. Oh, boy.

This, yeah. Hillary, she, he says Hillary and Clinton is a Jekyll and Hyde personality that left White House staffers scared stiff. I know, somebody was stiff in the White House. I know it was the staffers. Uh, yeah. They were scared stiff of her explosive

and even physical outbursts. You know, you're gonna question Trump's fucking mentality? Uh, this is from this, an ex-secret service officer. And he claims this in his new book. I guess it's not out quite yet. It's pre-release. It's already like number one on Amazon or some shit. Crisis of Character by Gary J. Burr.

These always come out right before a big election. But we know this broad's an evil fucking... Yes, she is. Yes, she is. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. No, it's right on the money. Shut your fucking piehole. The allegations from Byrne, a 29-year veteran of military and federal law enforcement, threatened to derail her campaign

days before she's expected to clinch a Democratic nomination. He describes Hillary Clinton as a fucking mustachio, no, as a acting friendly one moment, then raging the next. And this is a quote from him. What I saw in the 1990s sickened me, he writes in the intro of the book. Crisis of character. That's the name of the book, yes. He says it sickens him. The book claims she repeatedly screamed obscenities at her husband. Secret service personnel and White House staffers. They lived in terror of her next tirade.

Sounds like me growing up in my house. What? Oh, dear Lord God. Secret service agents had discussions about the possibility that they would have to protect bill from his wife's physical attacks i'll repeat that they had they were afraid they had to protect bill clinton from his wife's physical attacks burn rights and the couple had one violent encounter the morning of a key presidential address to the nation you know this is true

how do you know because you know she's a far left fucking zealot and just look at little douchebags on college campuses today you know if if social justice warriors if they had that term or black lives matter back in the 60s when she was at yale she would have been leading the fucking charge you know she has this in her thick ankle dna yeah they had a violent, paranoid Hillary Clinton tried to have the Secret Service banned from the White House and once tried to ditch her security detail. Hillary Clinton is now poised to become the Democratic nominee for President of the United States, but she simply lacks the integrity and temperament of the office, Byrne writes in his

new book. He goes, from the bottom of my soul, I know this to be true. And with Hillary's latest rise, I realized that her own leadership style, volcanic, impulsive, enabled by sycophants, and disdainful of the rules set for everyone else hasn't changed a bit. The book is set for release on June 28th. But like I said, pre-orders have gone to number one on Amazon's bestseller list. You're in deep doo-doo. I still say the bitch is going to be arrested.

If I have anything to say about it, he describes, Byrne describes the author arriving for work one day in 1995, following a loud fight between the Clintons the night before. The dust-up, he says, left a light blue vase smashed to bits, and Bill Clinton supporting a real-life put-a-steak-on-it black eye.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Oh, she's every... She's a fucking... And she's violent on top of her cunty attitude. I don't understand why feminists get the label bitch, huh? Which isn't always fair, but in this case, please. Please.

Here's Clinton. They got audio of Clinton, Bill Clinton fighting back one morning against his wife. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! running against his wife. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! Let's see if the book gets the coverage that this is...

Folks, do you understand the election is still fucking almost six months away or whatever? This is where we're starting. This is delicious. Absolutely delicious.

But you know, you know, they're just a couple of rednecks. Or least bill is i should say and he married this fucking uh i'm sure she's a nice lady if you meet her in person uh sure she is i'm sure she's a sweetheart she's absolutely I just watch people. She's speaking. They're behind her clapping. There's always like some housewife just fucking nodding like a bobblehead.

Looks like the bobblehead in the back of a car window. A Janet Reno bobblehead on a mechanical bull. Fucking head just going no matter what she says. And she's shitting all over Trump and supposed to be giving a foreign policy speech, and people are like, why did she do that? Why didn't she talk about foreign policy?

Would you with her record? Anyways, I'm sure she's a great gal. Wouldn't you love, though, this guy had a first-hand, he heard this shit? How fun was that job? Come on. This is what he heard.

Imagine being this guy. He worked right outside the door and he could hear this when he came into the White House. Stop! Why don't you be your heart open, Dad? I'm scared to death! Why don't you beat your heart up and do it? I'm scared. This isn't a White House. Now clean it up!

Oh, my God! Clean it up, you. You spoiled brat. Clean it up. Clean it up. Clean it up, I said. Clean it up. Bill.

Clean it up. Clean it up. Clean it up. No! Bill. Bill. Connectpal.com slash Nick. If you'd like more of this fun. Connectpal.com. This goes out to Billy Clinton. I heard her say, Billy, don't be a hero. Don't be a fool with your life. Billy, don't be a hero.

Come back and make me your wife. And as he started to go, she said, Billy, keep your head low. Billy, don't be a hero. Come back to me. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt. That's what he heard every morning. I'm getting this book. Ah, maybe.

I'm not much into gossip. Anyways, kids, that's it for today. I thought that was a terrific show. I did two bumps of coke upstairs before I came down. The wife has a connection in Waterbury. Anyways, come see me this Wednesday night if you're around at the brokerage in Belmore, Long Island. 8 o'clock show. Should be terrific.

And, you know, the comedy scene, Foxborough, next weekend, June... This weekend coming, I should say, Friday and Saturday night, June 10th and 11th. Go to nickdip.com for all your DiPaolo needs. And like I said, if you want to sign up for two to three more shows a week for $3.99 a month, that's less than a buck, motherfuckers. Connectpal.com slash Nick. Anything else, Mr. Producer? Anything?

Kevin, I'm talking to you. Kevin, I'm talking to you. I guess that is it. I will talk to you tomorrow. Love you guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah! You need to shut the fuck up. And I'm not gonna take it all lying down

Cause once I get started, I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else Yeah, boy! I'm not like everybody else I'm not gonna get my ass kicked. I'm not gonna get my ass kicked. And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else. And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else.

And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else. We'll be right back. guitar solo Bye.