The Nick DiPaolo Show - 152 - ISIS in Town, Trans Navy

Episode Date: September 19, 2016

ISIS in Town, Trans Navy

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Hey, what's going on? Nick DiPaola Podcast Monday. What does that mean? Well, that means it's on iTunes for free. But if you like that show, folks, and you want more of the Nick DiPaola Podcast, you go to connectpal.com slash Nick, and you get two to three more shows a week at $3.99 a month.

And it's growing like a tumor. So jump on the bandwagon, folks. That's right. Connectpal.com slash Nick to subscribe to the podcast. And as always, top of the show. Thanks so much. Aaron Calhoun top of the show, thanks so much. Aaron Calhoun, regular contributor.

Appreciate it so much. And Jonathan Farino has contributed again. Thank you, guys. As you know, you can contribute money on top of your dollar a week subscription. So I thank you so much for that. Slow weekend in the news. Not much going on

just kidding you know i like to do the monday shows i like to keep them light and funny you know because it's uh more people hearing than the the subscriber shows it goes out on itunes and a bunch of other things stitcher riotcast and uh you know i like to keep it light and fluffy but all the heavy shit goes down. You know, what do you mean, Nick? Heavy shit. Oh, I don't know. Like fucking ISIS coming to town and, and, uh, terrorist rings and, and, and just stabbings and, and, and, and, you know, watching the United States commit suicide because a certain bunch of politicians believe we're going to live together as a globe and hold hands and, uh you know just say you know who you are dumb fucks um so yeah you know obama's in town the un they're having their stupid meeting every you know

again to forward this wet dream of us all holding hands and singing kumbaya and living in a borderless world. And, you know, and between that, you get them in town. You know, it's just, you know, ICE has been plotting forever. Anyhow, you guys all know what's going on as I speak to you, as I come on the air today. I treat this like it's a live show. You know, I treat this like a radio show. But over the weekend, just more signs that we're in World War III. The news isn't going to tell you that. But buy yourself as many guns as you can.

And I'll give you a statistic that scares the shit out of the gun control people. There's seven guns in this country for every one human being. That counts brand-new born babies, women, children, everything. And you know what? That's the only thing that keeps us between what's going on like in London and Western Europe. That's what keeps us safe. So load up on some more. Go out today if you haven't and purchase one.

That's what I say. Crazy. Crazy what what I say. Crazy. Crazy what's going on. You know, over the weekend, we had multiple incidents in the tri-state area and one in Minnesota. We had in Minnesota Saturday night, I'll get to that in a minute,

Somali, as you know, a big population in Minneapolis, Somali population. Anyways, one of those fellas from that. And the FBI keeps an eye on Minneapolis, St. Paul, because so many Somalis have come over. And we know it's a hotbed for terrorism. We've actually caught people going back and forth. But again, to, you know, put a stop to that would be racist. So at a mall in Minnesota, a guy went on a stabbing, stabbed nine people with a knife.

Asked one or two of his victims if they were Muslim beforehand. And luckily, there was an off-duty cop there. Guess what? With a gun who shot the motherfucker dead. Yay. Fucking yay. But I guess they would have been safe if there was nobody there with a gun who shot the motherfucker dead yay fucking yay but i guess they would have been safe if there was nobody there with a gun right right anyhow but before while that was going on saturday night there were a couple incidents in new york city as you guys

know by now an explosion on 23rd and 7th. Done with a flip phone. And then right around the corner, I think it was on 27th or 28th, 27th, they found another device, pressure cooker, Christmas light wiring, flip phone also. And since we've learned a ton more, pipe bomb was found. By the way, Saturday morning,

there was going to be a race, a charity race for the Marines, Semper Fi charity race. And they found an explosive device over there right before the race. So, and yes, they all ended up being connected or they think so again it's funny as i was preparing for this show i'm printing out stories and as i'm printing them

out by the you know 20 minutes later i'd have to throw out the first couple i printed because i was watching news break good news fortunate news for us uh about who did this thank god for the new york and uh new jersey cops so you uh eagles eagle players tonight who plan on sitting or kneeling uh your ball is protest of the national anthem that's gonna look good tonight with this backdrop of us you know of isis trying to blow us up here and cops saving lives and uh you guys nailing because you're unhappy it's gonna look real fucking good so keep it up keep it up um not to mention a few did it over the weekend but uh it's just priceless fine line between uh i'm not gonna say it i've said it but um anyhow let's update you on that devices found the new jersey train

station a pipe bomb found in a trash can near a new jersey train station exploded early monday that was like 12 30 last night or early today uh as bomb squads attempting to disarm it elizabeth the mayor christian bulwage said the fbi was working to disarm one of five devices found in the same bag, which was discovered in a trash can by two homeless guys at 8.30 p.m. Sunday night near Elizabeth train station. The men had reported seeing wires and a pipe coming out of the package. The homeless men were going through the trash can looking for anything of value when they found the bag.

The men realized the danger and took the bag to an area away from the train station then alerted cops uh i don't think i gotta i have a little bit of problem with that sentence that they uh realized the danger and then if they realized the danger they wouldn't have taken the bag you know they manually moved the bag away from the train station um so i don't think they really did understand what's possible. But anyways, they're fucking heroes one way or the other. God bless them. They saw a pipe and probably thought they could use it for something else. Nick, why are you taking the fun out of their hero? I'm just saying.

But God bless them. They moved the thing. The mayor of the town said the homeless men should be considered heroes. And I agree. But holy Christ. Next time you see something like that, fellas, I don't know, make a phone call or something. I have somebody make a call.

I don't know if you got the latest, you know, you get the latest iPhone, the 7. But so that triggered a series of events. Search warrant was executed Monday morning off of Linden Avenue. First American Fried Chicken

was the name of the restaurant. They went upstairs where the people lived there. And it was that restaurant's owned by the

bombing suspect Ahmad Khan Rahami who by the way was taken into custody following a shootout with the Linden Police, New Jersey, Monday morning. God bless you, police, and everything you do. Fuck the players. Fuck Colin Kaepernick.

They're a sinner on their ass. And yes, we all know the flag represents the freedom. Doesn't matter. Disrespectful to guys like that. Disrespectful to the homeless guys who saved us. New Jersey transit service was suspended on Monday. I mean, this is crazy, man. It's so, yeah.

And this comes after, you know, the explosion in Manhattan that injured 29 people Saturday night. And an unexploded pressure cooker device found four blocks away on Saturday night. Pipe bomb exploded about an hour from Elizabeth train station in Seaside Park, New Jersey, forcing the cancellation. I forgot that one did explode in New Jersey. Forcing the cancellation of that military charity race. Okay. So, all this has gone on the last 72 hours i mean what the fuck is going on and i'm not

putting this all on obama but you know what i hear people putting trying to put 9-11 on george bush like that wasn't years in the planning but um can't wait for this guy to get out of office quick enough uh again not saying uh that he's responsible directly but just saying you know by the way the guy in new jersey that stabbed the nine people he was from kenya so obama was probably heartbroken when he heard that that's a joke relax folks just relax but uh of course the nominees this is all happening right in the middle of us the uh the wildest uh presidential election we've ever seen in this country's history arguably and uh so trump had a response to these

incidents over the weekend and so did uh hillary now i'm watching the one online and people are saying uh that hillary sounded drunk and um if not drunk medicated i'm like oh come on but then i listened to it and she must she was drunk or really tired, but she was on her plane. And here's her response to the bombings and what went on over the weekend in the city. Oh, Hillary. I've been briefed about the bombings in New York and New Jersey

and the attack in Minnesota. about the bombings in New York and New Jersey and the attack in Minnesota. Obviously, we need to do everything we can to support our first responders, also to pray for the victims. We have to let this investigation unfold. We've been in touch with various officials, including the mayor's office in New York, to learn what they are discovering as they conduct this investigation. Oh, she's so measured and thoughtful. And I'll have more to say about it when we actually know the facts.

Jesus Christ. Low energy much? And we'll have more to say about it. We have to sound thoughtful in these situations and and i by the way the fraternal order of police in philadelphia backed trump this weekend and the reason being that the hillary wouldn't give them the time of day when they asked for her support and shit. So anyhow, that was Hillary's measured response, because we all know the Dems, they're so thoughtful,

and you don't want to overreact to this shit, and it's better to keep talking. But then Trump gave his response, and, you know, it's definitely a contrast to Hillary's. Here is Trump's response to the bombings in New Jersey and New York over the weekend. Donald. Do you want to go to war? Come on.

Do you want to go to war? We think it's a war, okay? Go on, then. He really wasn't thinking it out. No, but he spoke like on, was it Sunday or whatever? And he referred to the, he goes, some bombs, oh, it was Saturday. He said some bombs just went off. He was like on Sunday or whatever. And he referred to the he goes some bombs. Oh, it was Saturday. He said some bombs just went off.

He was speaking Saturday night or whatever. And they got all over him. Oh, the Internet was abuzz that he used the word bomb in the media. He used the word fucking bomb. Once again, you know, him being right. But apparently that's politically incorrect now. Oh, goodness gracious hellos so i don't know about you guys but i don't know i call i mean it's here the war there's a war it's happening on our turf now so it's world war three officially i don't give a shit what you want to call it um it's here it's queer and it's here uh and i think who better to fight this new fight

against us and obviously uh than a six a 68 year old sickly uh grandma you know who better to lead young strong men able-bodied men to protect the homeland than a sickly grandma who lives in Chappaqua. And let's take a shot. What better time to take a shot at the first female president, huh? Boy, did that sound sexist. I hope so, because it was meant to be so. Give me a break. I don't give a shit.

Well, Trump just isn't qualified bullshit. He's accomplished more than Hillary has in her fucking whole life and uh again he wasn't my first choice and uh not thrilled with them not a huge fucking fan but does show some leadership skills and i'm just confident he'll surround himself with a bunch of people who think like he does and not uh surround himself with a bunch of fucking bookworms and weasels like Obama did, who know shit. Five devices found in a trash can in New Jersey, at that train station, if I can believe that.

So, anyhow, they got the guy guy Ahmad Khan Rahami and you know how they got him somebody saw him sleeping in a doorway call the cops and yeah he shoots one of the cops

luckily cop has a bulletproof vest on Yeah. He shoots one of the cops. Luckily, the cop has a bulletproof vest on. The guy gets out of the door. He walks down the fucking street. And gets in a shootout with the cops. They shoot him in the leg and the arm. I'm already sick of looking at his face on the news. They keep showing the same clip of him being put in the back of an ambulance.

But him and his dad had sued many times. The Elizabeth, the New jersey cops saying they were being harassed by the cops ahmad 28 his father muhammad senior 53 and his brother muhammad just on those names alone i'd i'd keep an eye on him well that's profiling a racist yeah exactly it's called good cop work if you see a list of a family they get an ahmad a muhammad uh another muhammad well that's all of linden new jersey Jersey, all of Elizabeth, New Jersey. But they've sued many times. A lawsuit together said that the local residents also racially abused them and said Muslims don't belong here. The lawsuit was filed in 2011 and reveals that Ahmad had a long history of grievances with the city officials,

their local police force, and people who lived close to him. Five years later, Ahmaud is now the most wanted man in America. Whoa, we already got him. Yeah. First American Fried Chicken is the name of the... If you see a name of a place like that that's over-the-top American, it's like right after 9-11 when you got into a cab and they had like 19 American flag decals. These poor bastards were trying to prove that they weren't fucking terrorists. I still say follow them home.

Yeah, follow their kids. From April 2009, for two years, they alleged they were unfairly targeted for staying open past 10 p.m. despite having a permit to do so. The lawsuit said the police had a reckless disregard and deliberate indifference for the plaintiff's constitutional rights of liberty, due process, due process, and equal protection. The Elizabethan Police Department allegedly

embarked on a course to harass, humiliate, retaliate against, and force their business to close at 10 p.m. Sure it did. The lawsuit claims the officers told them there was too much crime around here and that the area around the restaurant was known for criminal activity good

the family claim that as a result of police shutting them down at 10 p.m despite other businesses being allowed to stay open at time they suffered economic hardship yeah sure whatever if i can go back to the mud hole that you came from and sell goat's blood over there at a fucking dollar a pint. This is what they're saying. Allegedly, the cop said to them, you are Muslims. Muslims make too much trouble in this country. Yeah, I'm sure that's what the cop said. Yeah.

Anyhow. Excuse me. Un-fucking-believable. Un-unbelievable. Where's the other goddamn article I had? Throw away the fucking best one. So anyways, yeah, they shot him and a couple cops were wounded. They shot him in the leg, and I'm glad they took him alive.

And all these things had flip phones involved in them. That's how they pieced it together so quickly. Unbelievable police work by the cops. And let it be said, you can't do anything in New York City, okay?

Anything without being surveyed on camera anywhere there's a zillion of them more cameras in New York City than anywhere so uh you know again that's a civil rights issue blah blah blah other people say well if you're keeping your nose clean what do you give a shit how many cameras are blah blah blah that's a whole different show but in this case it worked out didn't it um crazy this isn't chelsea these are streets that i friggin drive uh going to the comedy cellar going to do comedy on the way home you know you take these side streets you head up sixth avenue and i have to get to the west side highway i pick a different one every night. It's just fucking crazy. Luckily, I've cut my trips into the city down.

But, you know, just a scumbag. Just a scumbag here to do harm. And Hillary, again, let's repeat, Hillary wants to increase migrants from the Middle East, specifically Syria, by 550% if she becomes president like in the first year and you know so you can see she's on the wrong side of the fight I don't give a shit

what you say let me see if I can find I have 19 stories on the floor there was one that gave more details about this scumbag I mean this well we all know that he was from is on the floor. There was one that gave more details about this scumbag. I mean this, well we all know that he was from Afghanistan but a naturalized citizen

of this country. I guess that's, that's enough for now. But I'll tell you, American fried chicken, first American fried chicken. I used to go to the fifth American fried chicken. It wasn't quite as good, but a lot cheaper.

And I get the shits. So I'm surprised Trump hasn't come in. I go, I saw this family applauding on a rooftop. But I love that he comes out and just goes, yeah, a bomb went off and he gets shit for saying that.

Just for saying a bomb went off. The fucking media. Oh my God. We don't even know what's going on yet and he's calling it a bomb. You can't handle the truth.

Fucking right on the money again. Guy's starting to look like a genius. Can't wait to get to the sports. I'll do a little of that and the Emmys too. No, I didn't watch the Emmys. I have about as much.

What's ironic is I'm supposed to be in show business. I couldn't name three shows that were up for awards because they really don't embrace my type. I couldn't sit through the fucking that politically correct horse shit

oh god help me god fucking help us all let me guess uh julie louise dreyfus let me guess you want another one huh it's fucking hilarious we'll go over the winners just to it's hilarious just the politically correct the more liberal the more award you win it's that fucking simple in hollywood that's how it works hey go to connectpal.com slash nick to subscribe to the show if you want two to three more shows a week and for you uh subscribers have already done that year a year ago almost uh we have the shirts are in waiting for the hats and then i'll tell you how you can uh get that by making contributions of the show let's talk about the somali attack at the mall in minnesota it wasn't the mall of america

which surprises me i've been making jokes about that now for i don't know what four years last time was at acme i'm like i would not go to that fucking mall if you you know you go there to buy sneakers or something you didn't just fucking strapite to your own balls when you're in there? Because just the name of it attracts these fucking, you know, between the 18,000 Somalis living in the St. Paul, Minneapolis area, you know, and I just, you know, the mall being a soft target, as they said. Well, that was proved this weekend. Somali ISIS fanatic went on a minnesota

knife rampage after checking whether the victims were uh muslim or not of course he did uh he's taking marching orders isn't he this is the music you hear when you go to the mall so you know how i used to in this country you have, like Chris Rock said, you have the white people's mall, then the mall where white people used to go. Now you have the white people's mall. And now the, you know,

the mall where ISIS meets. They meet at One Potato Two. And they talk over how they're going to cut our throats. But Dahir Adan, 22, is said to be Somalian, soldier of the Islamic State. He emigrated from Africa to the United States

with his family 15 years ago. Thank you, Teddy Kennedy. Anyways, yeah, he went on a stabbing rampage. Luckily, off-duty cop Jason Falconer, another hero in the war on terror, had his gun with him. And this guy also owns a gun range, and he gives gun classes, how to shoot guns and use guns. And he took this piece of shit down in two seconds.

Well, a little longer than that. Nine people were stabbed. His father identified Adan to Minnesota Star Tribune after his son was shot dead. Maybe you guys, maybe Colin Kaepernick can sit down for that too.

Again, another brown person killed by a cop. So ISIS claimed responsibility for the attack, which took place at a shopping mall in the city of do you see what's going on this is in St. Cloud by the way um so do you understand folks the media won't come right out and say and connect the dots but World War III it's here it's happening if you're going to run to the mall first of all don't go to a store called Target that'll be my first

fucking instinct not to but if you're going to go and you have a conceal and carry bring the motherfucker seriously police said the knife men made references to Allah during his rampage and asked victims whether they were Muslim before attacking the assault is being treated as an act of terrorism well that was the other thing uh de Blasio came out Saturday night he couldn't be quick enough to you know we can't we're not going to say this is an act of terror yeah it is even if it wasn't international terrorism when somebody puts a bomb in a dumpster uh that's an act of terrorism regardless if you know who did it you dumb fuck god is he stupid and finished as a uh mayor the assault is being treated as an act of terrorism.

This is back to the knife shit. After an ISIS propaganda channel declared Adan was one of its operatives. This is a guy in Minnesota. A mock news agency. They, uh, I think Shepard Smith might go there. Jump the...

And fucking Carl Cameron. A mock news agency said he carried out the operation in response to calls to target the citizens of countries belonging to the crusader coalition god help us saint cloud saint universities he was a saint cloud state university student come over here we give them all the benefits you can go to school get educated and you know what they don't they just their core values don't don't mesh with ours they have no business being on this side of the planet like my friend said uh in a perfect world my people would have stayed in italy's his would have stayed in russia saint cloud state see this is an experiment

the united states that's finally not working because a certain segment of the population doesn't want, they think assimilation is racist and shit. So we're not following the rules, the rules for it to work. Like when the Irish and Italians came over and wanted to be American and not blow it up and not come over just to suck up the tit of the government because there was none. over just to suck off the tit of the government because there was none when my grandfather came over there was there weren't 13 000 programs to fucking to to feed off of you know but this guy was born in kenya like our president that's a joke everybody we all know because donald trump said so that he was born in america period i looked up america period it's a beautiful piece of land Somali descent was felled at least twice by gunfire

Jason Falconer a cop at nearby Avon Police Department opened fire on the motherless fuck the guy got up and continued to come at him after he was shot until eventually

this guy put him down in all nine people between the ages of 15 and 53 were left hurt imagine having kids and you your daughter wants to go to the mall with her friends in saint cloud or mall of america or anywhere else i'd be like that you're staying in the basement i'm chaining you to a radiator here's a box of legos keep yourself busy you're not coming out till you're 28 and then i. I'm chaining you to a radiator. Here's a box of Legos. Keep yourself busy. You're not coming out till you're 28, and then I'm going to teach you how to use a gun if this country's still around.

Hmm. Coke drip. St. Cloud Mayor Dave Kley said three remained in the hospital, with one being treated for life-threatening injuries. He said Adan was wearing a security guard uniform and told people he was a police officer before the attack began. Minnesota has a higher than average migrant Muslim population and communities have been investigated for ISIS links in the past. Oh, that's racist. Why would you say that? Of course, the local Muslims and the Somali American leaders, they're publicly condemning the attack.

I don't give a shit. Keep condemning all you want. I don't care. Can you say internment camps? I can. Who was it, Eisenhower? Who did it? FDR did it, didn't he? I don't know.

Look up your history. Yeah, so it's time to fucking, it's time to go to war. That's a war in the streets. You know what I'm saying? Do you want to go to war? Come on. Do you want to go to war. There's a war on the streets. You know what I'm saying? Do you want to go to war? Come on. Do you want to go to war?

We'll take you to war, okay? Okay. Okay. But here's a nice little article to make you feel better about your government because we all know one party is for big government. I don't have to tell you which one, but here's the headline.

More than 800 immigrants mistakenly granted citizenship. The United States government has mistakenly granted citizenship to at least 858 immigrants from countries, get this, of concern to national security or with high rates of immigration fraud, who had pending deportation orders, according to the Internal Homeland Security Audit. The Homeland Security Department's Inspector General found that immigrants used different names or birthdates to apply for citizenship with U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services, and such discrepancies weren't caught because their fingerprints were missing from government databases. Un-fucking-believable.

Unbelievable. Can we make it any easier to fucking commit suicide in the United States? The report does not identify any of the immigrants by name, but Inspector General John Roth's auditor said they were all from special interest countries. Those that present national security concern for the United States. Yeah, I'm sure this was all a mistake. Get the fuck. Don't you see what's going on? There's a whole script. It's already written out and somebody's following it. Don't you see? You have to see that. Or neighboring countries with high rates of immigration fraud. Of course, the report did not identify those countries.

That might get somebody up in arms. But here's the problem for immigration officials. Old paper-based records containing fingerprint information that can't be searched electronically. See, now we're in the digital age, and we still have shit. And trying to mesh the two is what's causing these lapses i did again i i don't believe that well some of that might be true but i still say the 10 people that meet in a room whether it's the bilderberg group or whatever george suros and scum like that uh you know they are helping this along dhs says immigration officials

are in the process of uploading these files. Oh, take your time, fellas. And that officials will review every file identified. Yeah, it's not going to take long. Roth's report says fingerprints are missing from federal databases for as many as 315,000 immigrants with final deportation orders who are fugitive criminals. I'll repeat that. 315,000 immigrants with final deportation orders their fingerprints are missing from the the from the databases immigration and custom enforcement has not reviewed about has not reviewed about 148 000 of these those immigrants files to add to the fingerprints to the digital records.

That's why, oh my God, the gap was created because older paper records were never added to fingerprint databases created by both the now defunct Immigration and Naturalization Service and the FBI in the 1990s. Ugh. Yay for more government, bigger government, right, Hillary? Yay, put it in your hands

roth's report said federal prosecutors have accepted two criminal cases that led to the immigrants being stripped of their citizenship wow a whole two both uh but prosecutors did not declined another 26 cases ice is investigating 32 other cases. I don't want to bore you with all the numbers, but the point is we're fucked. Okay? We're fucked. Because government is just a giant bureaucracy that doesn't work, never has. And people want more of it that vote a certain fucking way.

800 immigrants from countries that we consider dangerous. But this will make you feel better. Almost 100,000 Somali refugees admitted to the United States since 9-11. 99.6 of them are Muslim. So like I say, go pick

up Pat Buchanan's book Suicide of a Superpower and lay it all out for you. Precious. Almost 100,000 Somali refugees have been resettled in the U.S.

since 9-11. Un-fucking-believable. Just this naivete when it comes to the, you know, species. Fucking humans. We're just a young dumb country we're like a young chick on a fucking day nah i just want to come in and use your bathroom including uh 8619 so far during the current fiscal year the largest number some 16 percent

of the total over the past 15 years, has been resettled in Minnesota, home to the nation's biggest Somali-American... Hey, what could happen, right, libs? What could happen? Open your arms to the world. Of the 97,000 Somali refugees admitted to the U.S. since the fall of 2001,

99.6% were Muslim, and 29.7% were males between the ages of 14, 99.6% were Muslim and 29.7% were males between the ages of 14 and 50. Of course they were. We are finished. We are finished.

Oh, yes, we are. Oh, yeah, we're fucking finished. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, not this fucking time. No fucking way, no fucking way. No fucking way, no fucking way, mate. Let me give a few more. The vast majority of the Somali population is Muslim, mostly Sunni. And the statistics of those admitted to the U.S. as refugees reflect that.

Of the 97,000 Somali refugees resettled in the U.S. since the fall of 2001, 99.6% Muslim. Of the rest, 299% are Christian. One is Baha'i. 14% of refugees whose religion is unknown.

Six are identified as having no religion. And one as other religion. What the fuck? Young male Muslims pouring in. Since we got fucking, you know, the biggest attack on U.S. soil's history. Boy, oh boy, oh boy.

Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Enough of this talk, huh? Let's get to something more depressing. The Emmys. I didn't watch. I never do. I was involved one year

when I wrote for Chris Rock. That's right. Nominated twice. And it was fun to put on a tuxedo and sit next to a bunch of people I had nothing in common with, really. As I quietly sat there and steamed in my dirty pants. But I had nothing in common with, really, as I quietly sat there and steamed in my dirty pants. But Jimmy Kimmel hosted. Last year, the ratings were the worst ever in the toilet.

This year, they went up like.4, so they were happy about that. So they were happy about that. Of course, Trump was the butt of many, many fucking jokes. That's to be expected. These are the major winners of the 6th Annual Fag Awards. Nick, you don't have to say shit like that. Well, I just did. Fucking quiz! I don't have to say shit like that. Well, I just did. Fucking quiz!

I don't mean that literally. You know, like I said, I take part in these things too. Drama series. Game of Thrones. Well, there's a big fucking... How many nerds are in this fucking world? Comedy series. Veep. Oh!

My wife's trying to tell me that's a good show, and then I said, okay. Kiss my ass, honey. Miniseries or movie? The People vs. O.J. Simpson. American Crime Story. That won an Emmy. Guess that was terrific too.

TV movie? Sherlock. The Abominable Bride Masterpiece. What the fuck is that? Again, sorry. I'm a little weird guy. I like pussy and sports and shit like that. All due respect. Variety talk series. Last week, Tonight with John Oliver. Wow, there's a shock, huh? Another liberal fucking idiot. Variety sketch series.

Key and Peele. Comedy Central. Oh, that's's terrific actor in a comedy series jeffrey tambor transparent he plays a transgender character wow no kidding i always figured it would be some guy who's a straight fucking heterosexual male athlete does that show even exist anymore uh as joe list said in a text to me recently, don't worry, all straight white guys will be completely kicked out of show business in two years. Which I've been saying for 10 years. Actress in a comedy series. Oh, Julia Louise Dreyfuss. She won her fifth in a row, or seventh, or 19th.

Doesn't really fucking matter. Actor in a drama series. Rami Malek, Mr. Robot. Oh, terrific. Actress in a drama series. Rami Malek. Mr. Robot. Oh, terrific. Actress in a drama series. What? Tatiana Maslany. Orphan Black.

I auditioned that. I wanted to play a little black child. They said, you're too old and too white. I said, now listen here, you motherless fuck. Actor in a miniseries or a movie. Courtney B. Vance. The People vs. O.J. Simpson. fuck actor in a miniseries or a movie courtney b vance the people versus oj simpson actress in a miniseries a movie sarah paulson the people versus oj i guess that was a good show i i i lived it in real time i was out in la i watched

i don't need to know anymore uh supporting actor in a drama ben mendelsohn bloodline supporting actress in a drama maggie sm, downtown. How about Louie Anderson? Let's give him a round of applause because he won a fucking, and you know what? I like Louie. I like Louie. He's a good guy. He's a funny guy.

He's a good guy. I like the guy very much. Okay? Okay. Okay. He plays a woman on Louis' series that Louis created with Zach Galifianakis. You know what? Baskets.

And Louis Anderson. Fucking terrific. Funny story there. They're trying to figure out how to come up with a character who, and Zach Galifianakis was describing his mother i think louis said it sounds like louis anderson and then all of a sudden they they went hey and they fucking called him right away he said yeah i'll do it now kate mckinnon who is terrific snl gay woman is she the first openly gay character player on snl wow that's another big surprise

but she's funny very talented and that's enough writing for comedy series aziz and zari and alan yang master of none it's just a liberal fuck fest they just they should just get in a circle and the the girl should lay on the floor in a circle and all the lib guys should pull their fucking limp pods and just try to jizz all over their tits and then rub it in for the rest of the show. Are you with me? Sure. Aziz Ansari, he took a shot at Donald Trump.

We're at the Emmys, folks. But look, it's an Zari. He took a shot at Donald Trump. At the Emmys, folks. But look, it's an election year. And I want everyone to know that after careful consideration, I decided I'm going with Trump. Which is why I'm also recommending we get rid of all Muslim and Hispanic nominees from the ceremony immediately. Wow, this would be so much easier if we were at the Oscars. Mom, Dad, I know I just thanked you, but you need to be escorted out right now. I'm so sorry.

America Ferrara, nice try changing your name to America. You're not fooling anybody. You're out. And you know what? Let's get Tambor out of here and open up that best comedy actor category. He's the guy who's always looking out for racism. And yet he's made millions because he's Indian and mildly amusing.

What was the joke? Racist? Trump was racist? Boy, you're really breaking out of the box. That's the thing they say about guys like me when I do racial shit. Jokes. They're based on stereotypes. I didn't write the fucking premises.

But they'll go, oh, that's hack because. It's like, no, it's based on a stereotype. A stereotype in itself is hack. You see what I'm saying? It's something that's been. Ugh. But that's been, ugh. But that's breaking out of the box. That's some originality.

Trump is a racist. You're really fucking kicking down some doors with that one. Tina Fey and Amy Poehler won for, you know, guest hosting SNL. And, you know, what do they do to celebrate after for cocktails is the drink Seth Meyers jizz mixed with champagne fucking precious precious anyhow and who in a hay congratulations and a hoo and a hey. Congratulations on all the winners on the motherfucker. Headlines. Navy requires all sailors to undergo transgender education by July of 2017.

Now, do they do that? Well, they're being threatened by Iranian ships and being buzzed by Russian planes. Is that when you do that or you do it later at night when all the taunting has stopped?

How to focus on the important things. Once again, Libs using the military is a fucking social experiment. Just fucking price. And, you know, I'm all for it. I don't care if you want to fight for the country, but I'm just saying. They'll figure it out. If there's a transgender guy, yeah, like there's never been that in the Navy in the last hundred years, right? But I'm just saying, they'll figure it out.

The men and women are pretty good that joined the military. They'll figure it out. You know, you don't need to give them classes and shit. Like this is Russia circa 1940. And if you don't adhere to the fucking rules you'll be sent to the gulag you know they'll figure it out they'll adjust the same way college students when they when they they don't need special orientation when they go to college they don't have to send white students there early because they're gonna they're gonna actually you know for the first time

in their lives they'll be interacting with different cultures like we all grew up in vacuums and shit just total poo-poo poo-poo poo-poo don't you think i do oh unbelievable Unbelievable. Starting November 1, the training will educate sailors about the new transgender policy that allows transgenders to serve in the military. The training will emphasize policies and expectations of personal behavior. It is unclear what exactly is in these training sessions yet, but the Navy will soon send out messages with more information. Maybe Jeffrey Tambor can do a little sketch from it. In the meantime, leadership is putting together a commander's toolkit that will guide training.

Boy, I'd like to see what's in that toolkit. Candle wax, nipple clamps, and what? Said Lieutenant Jessica Anderson, a spokesman for the Naval Personnel Command. Service members are expected to maintain standards of conduct and treat each other with dignity and respect. Yeah, who decides what their conduct is, you fucking titless wonder? Training for sailors will be conducted by command triads via mobile training teams or DVD with a facilitation guide if the unit is in a remote area imagine you're in a remote area and this is what they have you con this is what you have that you concentrating on instead of doing your job and protecting the fucking country how

to treat somebody if they're transgender in your unit can you fucking imagine this is where we are there are there will also be webinars for the ceos to ask questions prior to delivering training to the commands i can't believe what i'm reading what i'm hearing it's just it's fucking i mean where are we going no no no no no no we have really lost it no no no no no no no no no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, promotion of of of you know the alternative lifestyle as they say the food network it's just totally i don't know who took it over they booted fucking emerald agassi the only the first more it is priceless just put on chopped i i just would love to see somebody making an omelet that doesn't have a shaved head 11 rings in their nose and tattoos all over their fucking neck and who wasn't bullied in fucking

high school it's hilarious i don't know if it's because ted allen queer eye straight guy whatever that show was he's the host but you can't watch a show it's hilarious you talk about underrepresented how about overrepresented i don't think there's any straight people who cook according to that show it's fucking priceless hilarious and i watched the show when it first came on there i go hey this is kind of cool and it got so politically correct and so weird and it's so fast it's uh it's just a running joke i dare you, put on an episode of Chop.

The military is creating ground rules for service members who want to change their gender while serving and is requiring that all transgender people use the bathroom associated with their preferred gender. Oh yeah, did you ask the other people how they feel about that no okay

eat a dick and die anderson said the leadership will crack down on any mistreatment or harassment of transgender individuals thank you secretary of defense ash carter repealed the ban on transgender serving in the military back in june which i you know i agree with anybody wants to serve and put their ass on the line or in a leather harness, you know, good for you. I just have more, I guess I have more faith in humanity that the guys and women serving. I think they're evolved enough, you know. Yeah, there's going to be a little harassment. There's always harassment living in close quarters but but this whole thing about the government educating and then

you know teaching how you're supposed to i don't know hey you know what kids what else did i had i had some motherfucking thing I wanted to go off on. I can't remember. But Crazy Sports Weekend. Get to that in a few seconds. Come see me. That's what I wanted to mention.

This Wednesday night. That's two nights at the Hot Comedy Club. Ridge Hill Mall in Yonkers, New York. I do it once a month. And come on out. I'm working on this hour that I think I'm shooting on October 28th at the Suffolk Theater in Riverhead. The contracts are being drawn up. The lawyers are fighting with each other now.

I can hear them. So that's what I wanted to remind you. And go to nickdip.com for all the rest of my dates. And they're coming fast. This Friday night, Sacred Heart University. This Saturday night, Lap It Up Poughkeepsie. dates and they're coming fast uh this friday night sacred heart university this saturday night lap it up poughkeepsie and then next week i fly to st louis i believe to do helium before i do that though i do the fat black pussycat lounge that's the one upstairs at the comedy underground the comedy cellar room the new one i've been doing i do that on the 27th which i believe is next

wednesday so come see me do that and then i go out to st louis to do helium and then i'm home for october yeah baby but working every weekend right up to the special shooting anyhow what else do i got for you today in the news cuddling kittens can kill that's what scientists say cuddling a kitten may. That's what scientists say. Cuddling a kitten may always make you feel better, but it could be dangerous to your health. He's doing more than cuddling. Doctors from Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the U.S.

conducted a large-scale survey of the cat-borne bacterial disease, cat scratch fever. They found the scope and impact of the potentially deadly disease was larger than they thought. It's not just old ladies or ugly women staying at home. The disease causes fever, pustules. In extreme cases, the complications from the illness

can cause death. What are you, licking its ass when it gets out of the sandbox? I mean, come on. I've patted many cats and look at me. I'm doing a radio show in my basement. I'm fine. Ah!

Shut up, I said. Doctors have warned that hands should always be washed after touching cats and to avoid kissing felines where possible where is it possible the kids have been like on the ass oh i see what they mean they also advise cat owners ensure their pet is protected from fleas no shit dr christina nelson of the cd said the scope and impact of the disease is a little bit larger than we thought.

Cat scratch is preventable. You can start by killing all cats that you see in the street and stomping them with high heels. No, that's a joke, everybody. If we can identify the populations at risk and the patterns of disease, we can focus the prevention efforts. Kittens and strays are more likely to carry the disease. The disease is spread when you have anal sex with your cat or take it on a... What? No, the disease is spread when you are scratched by an infected cat

or when you don't wash your hands and touch your mouth after stroking an infected cat. I've stroked many infected cats, but I only woke up with blisters on my balls and my fingers. Kissing and rough play with stray cats and kittens should also be avoided where possible. I never liked the fucking cats. Cat owners should also be careful about their animals interacting with stray cats where possible. However, the disease is relatively rare, with a survey finding that annual incidence

was 4.5 outpatient diagnoses per 100,000 people. Big fucking deal. Big deal, I say. I'm trying to shut this off, because I can't fucking... Anyhow. So again, to sum up, don't kiss your cat on the ass or mouth or genitalia.

If you do, do it. Put it online so I can see it. I get a real kick out of that whole type of silliness. Finally tonight on the Nick DiPaolo podcast, big weekend in sports, man. Where do you start? I think you start with my Red Sox really stepping on the throats

of those fucking hated New York Yankees. Hanley Ramirez, I think he hit four or five homers against them this weekend alone and has been on fire for a month. I didn't think this guy was capable. I mean, holy moly, but Thursday night

he comes up, we're down by a couple. Bottom of the ninth. All the shit. Two outs. Hanley comes to the plate. High. Deep drive to center. Backing up Ellsbury.

Turning around. The Red Sox walk it off. How about that? And then last night, I think he hit two more. Randy Ramirez and the Red Sox shocked the Yankees. He's got 28 RBIs in 22 games or 12 games or some shit. It's not. I think he hit two more. He's got 28 RBIs in 22 games or something, or 12 games or some shit. I don't know. I can't even keep talking.

Crazy. Crazy Rastafari. And the Yankees had won like seven in a row, and then they come into Boston. And they might have dropped them before they came. But you got to hand it to Girardi, man. They traded away everybody. And this guy, as soon as they get rid of all these, you know, what's his name? Andrew Miller. Haroldus Chapman, whatever his name is.

All these great players. They get rid of them all. Beltran, and, you know, they released A-Rod, and this guy starts winning with all these young guys, and they got to catch a Gary Sanchez, who home it a couple times against the Sox this weekend. He's done something that nobody's done since 1900. I don't know, he's got like 16 homers in 23 games. Something crazy.

And he's just, he looks like a tough SOB. And this rivalry is going to get good again, like I said. But right now, you've got Mookie Betts making diving catches. They're actually gelling too early, I'm afraid. That's my biggest fear. I hope I'm wrong there. But, yeah, they swept the Yankees four straight. And I think the Yanks are like eight out now.

They were closing in, for Christ's sake. They were within three, I think. But now they're going to jump over about 19 teams. Anyhow, but I always enjoy that. You know, I'm Bostonian now they're, they got to jump over about 19 teams. Anyhow, but I always enjoy that. You know, I'm Bostonian. What can I tell you?

NFL knows my Patriots. You see what happened there? Jimmy Garoppolo, who replaces Tom Brady, who doesn't come back for another couple weeks, was lighting up the scoreboard

against the Dolphins. And then he gets drilled into the ground, and he's got a sprained AC joint. So that's, I say, minimum two weeks. So now we've got to go with our third stringer. But we still won, and they covered. And I still can't pick my ass. I had seven right with one game to go out of 16.

I just suck at it. I just suck at it. I just suck at it. But, yeah, we lose Garoppolo. So we got a third stringer in there for at least the next game. So who the hell knows? And that's coming up Thursday against the Texans. And anyways, I know the Giants got by. And the Jets, let me tell you about Fitzpatrick.

Is that his name? The quarterback for the Jets? The Harvard guy with the beard? Always loved him. And man, was he winging it around. So much better than Geno Smith. Not even close. Anyhow.

No real big upsets. Colin Kaepernick took a beating from the Carolina Panthers. 46-27. I'm not going to go through all the scores. Fucking Seattle loses to the Rams. That's when they bit me in the balls. And the Packers lose to the Vikings last night. You see that new stadium? $1.1 billion. Meanwhile, you got fucking Somalis and ISIS setting up shop next door. Gee, that wouldn't be a target, would it? God, help us. And NFL, yeah. Just stuck in my head for the next three days.

It's a mediocre league. I'll say it again. On any given Sunday. Yes, any given Sunday. That is true, but that's because the team's all mediocre. And finally, college football, which I couldn't get enough of. You can't talk college football without Keith Jackson, can you? I couldn't get off the couch Saturday.

Sorry. It was like New Year's Eve, you know, when they used to line up all the bowl games on New Year's Day. New Year's Eve, New Year's Day. That's what it was like. It was fucking crazy matchups. I'll just tell you about the ones of interest. Ole Miss was beating Alabama by like three touchdowns or more, and Alabama comes storming back naturally.

I think they were down by 24 at one point, something like that. They come back to win 48-43. They're just scary, Alabama, how good they are. But I don't know if they're as good as Ohio State. Louisville and Florida State. This quarterback for Louisville, by the way, Florida State was ranked second in the nation. They go into Louisville, who was ranked 10th. How about Louisville laying 63,

the most points ever given up by FSU in their history. 63-20 drubbing of the Seminoles. This kid, Lamar Jackson, the quarterback for Louisville, unbelievable. Wait till you see this kid. He'll be playing on Sundays, Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, because the NFL plays every night. That's my point. Ohio State went to Oklahoma, who was ranked 14th.

Ohio State was ranked third going into that game and just kicked the snot out of Oklahoma. 45-24. Their defense is better than most college teams' offense. They are frighteningly good. I'd say they're the best team so far that I've seen, Ohio State or Alabama. Michigan.

Jimmy Harbaugh's brought them back to respectability. They smoked Colorado. No pun intended. McCaffrey, that's right, that white boy. That's right, that white running back out of Stanford. This fucking kid is just frighteningly good, man. He's had nine games in a row now with over 200 all-purpose yards, I think. Eight or nine games.

It's a record. He blew Barry Sanders' all-purpose yardage record out of the water last year by a couple hundred yards. The kid is frightening. Well, what's the matter that he's white? Oh, stop it. It's fucking hilarious that he's white. Then they put up his pedigree. His grandfather was in the Olympics.

His dad was a great athlete. He had an uncle who played college ball. It's crazy. His mother was like an athlete. He's got the, you know,

the pedigree. And Michigan State kicked the shit out of Notre Dame at Notre Dame. But the biggest upset of the weekend, North Dakota State,

after I tell you they should go, they're not really an upset. North Dakota State, they're the team, they're what they call an FCS, a football championship team. Football championship sub-whatever. It used to be 1AA, like I played at Maine. Anyways, they win the FCS championship every year, okay? That's a step below the FBS, the football ball series, which is all the heavyweights, right? But get this.

They've played six FBS teams. I think they've beaten six of them in a row, something like that. But they beat Iowa, who was ranked 13th in the nation. It's the first time they've beat a ranked team. But North Dakota State is unbelievable. They beat these FBS teams all the time. Like five, five, they've played five times

or five or six times and won them all. And again, and they're a level lower than these teams. Talk about great coaching. Somebody ought to look into that guy. They win it every year. They have yellow helmets,

green uniforms. They win the national championship every year. They have yellow helmets, green uniforms. They win the national championship every year. But they beat Iowa, number 13, Iowa. Kid hit a field goal on the last play of the game, 37-yarder. Nebraska, big win over Oregon. And that's enough. I know you guys aren't all into this shit. But I'm just saying saying if you like football and obviously we do

the country's gay queer for football say that you know I use that respectively the term I'm just saying I don't understand

how you couldn't if you like watching NFL how you couldn't get into college I'll never understand that just to be a sports fan and not like college football makes me wonder if you're not retarded

what? you heard me anyhow that is it, folks. Nick DiPaolo podcast, the Monday. You can hear it on riotcast.com, iTunes, Stitcher, a bunch of other places. I don't even know what they mean. But if you want to hear more shows, two to three more a week, go to connectpal.com slash Nick, hear more shows, two to three more a week, go to connectpal.com slash Nick, connectpal.com slash Nick. And for $3.99 a month, you'll get two to three more a week. And I appreciate it. That is, I think I've covered everything, folks. Interesting to put on the news to see what kind of, I got to drive into the city tomorrow. I got to go out and get a flak jacket and put on two pair of wool pants. All right, I'll talk to you soon. And everybody's happy now The good things here stay

Easy things here stay Hey, hey, I say Have a good one, everybody. guitar solo I'm out.