The Nick DiPaolo Show - 154 - Who's Your Daddy, Danney?

Episode Date: October 4, 2016

Who's Your Daddy, Danney?

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Let's do this show for Christ's sake. I mean, Jesus H. with the technical problems today. YouTube and whatnot. Mother of Christ. Could have fucking built a piano on the time it took. How are you, folks? Monday, Nick DiPella podcast on iTunes, the free version. You listen to that, and then you like it a lot like everybody does,

and you go to connectpal.com slash Nick, connectpal.com slash Nick, and subscribe for two to three more shows a week at $3.99 a month that's not even a dollar a week motherfuckers so no excuses i don't want to hear no excuses out of you um yes and uh as far as subscriptions again thanks for the subscriptions it's still coming and uh hot and heavy uh one more time if you want to get a nick topala podcast hat t-shirt log into your connect pal account uh click on the subscription button click on the nick topala podcast click on contributions uh choose your contribution amount and then there's a field below that fill in your name and your address this is important because

i'm not just gonna automatically send shit out uh when you you know you meet the amount you have to request if you want a t-shirt or hat but uh put your name and address in there and then medium large or extra large or a hat and uh again contributions of at least 40 bucks uh that means you're going to get a T-shirt. And, you know, what else? If you send, let's say, $75 or over, you're getting a T-shirt and a hat. All right, enough of that shit. I'm like Ron Popeil here. I can't stand doing business. You can tell I suck at it.

here. Can't stand doing business. You can tell I suck at it. Hey, contributions. Mark Rolfe sent in one of the fattest ones we've had since we've been doing this. Kenny C. Thank you so much, Kenny. Dave Harris, as always.

Seems like he's always showing up. Nicholas Ventimiglia. Ventimiglia, I should say, probably in the real Italian pronunciation. Jordan Levine, thank you so much, Jordan. Tony Bishop, a real healthy one. This is all over the weekend.

Darren Card, who's a regular contributor. Jonathan Keller. Boy, do I have a story about Jonathan Keller, who just sent another fat one. He's probably contributed the most i think this guy and uh with big fat ones but listen to this speaking of jonathan keller and his lovely wife um i'm at the uh you know i was at helium this weekend at uh in st louis nice a club and uh it's only been open since january and uh you know so i'm uh i get to i had one show thursday two friday two saturday i was on stage i think it was the first show god my fucking memory the advil pm's killing me first show friday night

or was it saturday i can't remember anyhow there's a guy to the left of the stage and I'm busting his chops about his suit. He had a suit jacket on, sort of had a good, a goodwill look to it. Kind of, I described it as if he was a homeless guy and it was in rehab and then he cleaned himself up and they said, here, go on a job interview and they give you like a, a suit and maybe that some other guy left behind jonathan i'm sorry i was just and then i'd you know i'd make a few cracks about a suit then i'd go back to it then i'd look over there again and i'd start laughing when i saw the suit again and the in the the tie i could be wrong about all this it could have been very expensive so expensive that i can't even relate to material like that and and but i might be wrong about jonathan keller uh how much money he has

i don't know but anyways i'm making fun of the guy's suit zinging him zing zing and and boy did i did a beautiful job of telling the story didn't i anyways after the show the guy in that suit comes up and he goes hey nick john keller i was i go no you're not no you're not no you're not i had met john and his wife a few months prior back in the spring i guess when i was in minneapolis and uh and uh that's i i just meet so many people i know that's not an excuse but here's the guy who i was ripping him a new asshole about his shitty suit and tie and shirt and everything else. And I'm like, how can you get a beautiful woman like that without wearing that jacket?

And just everybody's cracking up. And this guy, he gets up and he goes, hey, Nick, John, can I go? No. No, you are not. No, you are not. I almost put my head on his chest. I'm like, no. No, you're not him. Please tell me.

And it's more embarrassing because I just met them, you know, back in what, April, maybe. So this is I mean, it's just, you know, I do meet a lot of people, but mother of God. And like I said, this guy's been more than generous with his contributions. So, yeah, him and his beautiful wife came out and to St. Louis cause they live 15 minutes from the helium comedy club. And, uh, which makes it even more extraordinary that they went all the way to Minneapolis to see me early in the year.

That's how big a fans and they're going to come to my, my taping of my special at, in Riverhead at the Suffolk theater, uh, October 28th. So this is the kind of people they are. I don't even have the decency to remember. And they're both real good looking.

He's got like a beard. He's young. He reminds me of a Missouri version of, I think, is Ashton Kutcher from Missouri? I was going to say, he might even be from Missouri. He reminds me of Ashton Kutcher. And his wife is stunning too. So I can't thank them enough. And again, sorry for shitting on the suit or the jacket.

I don't know. It reminded me of a Weekend Update jacket. Like when they, you know, when like Norm Macdonald would wear like a, they'd always put a cheesy one on the guys during Weekend Update. I think Colin Jost and Michael michael chay have actually uh we're real close but uh did you catch that show by the way we'll talk about that in a few minutes by the way the clips i usually play you know i i play them i can convert them from youtube the audio and stuff well that the audio you know youtube is having maintenance right now like fucking the united states everywhere you

go there's orange cones and construction. So I couldn't, some of them I got off of Utah, but some of them I'd have to do manually. But what do you want from me? It's a buck a week for fuck's sake. Anyhow, any who and any he. Thank you guys so much for all the contributions. Holy, St. Louis was great. I liked it. it i tell you i haven't been there in a

long time i used to play the funny bone all the time i don't know what happened i think somebody hit me with a chicken wing in the neck one night and i quit i don't know what happened but um no there's a lot of other clubs i play i know what happened i got into a beef here's exactly what happened a little inside baseball for you i got into a beef with the improvs when Bud Friedman and his partner, Mark Leno, used to run the improvs. And we got into a little tiff. It was on Howard Stern and everything. Robert Schimmel headed up this lawsuit. They were recording us at their clubs, then releasing the stuff on CDs and whatever without our knowing. than releasing the stuff on CDs and whatever without our knowing. So Robert Schimmel, when he found out, he headed up, he got me and a few other comics who had the balls or the lack of brains to go, yeah, fuck them. And again, it's water under the bridge.

I went on Howard Stern and talked about it. You know, I was just furious at Bud Friedman and stuff and blah, blah, blah. And I had done his shows on A&E, you know, evening was just furious at Bud Friedman and stuff, and blah, blah, blah. And I had done his shows on A&E, you know, Evening at the Improv, and I had done his clubs, and, but, you know, so Schimmel headed up this lawsuit. Him and, like I said, a handful of comics, we said, yeah,

bullshit. Anyways, we ended up settling, I guess. I can't remember. The late, great Bob Schimmel's gone, but he got the lion's share of the settlement. Whatever. And after that, part of the agreement was they weren't supposed to blackball us from clubs, blah, blah, blah. And maybe they didn't, technically.

But they weren't happy with the offers I got from them after that. Let's put it this way. They weren't. There's no way I was going to after that let's put it this way they weren't there's no way i was going to go do that you know so i would play the room across the street uh whether you know the funny bone and the improvs were owned together by the same company so but uh all that shit uh yeah so that's why i stopped going that's why i started playing uh laugh tracks in st louis and i think there was a catch a rising star in st louis and a few other ones and those guys that own those clubs they came out to see me this weekend

it's just i haven't seen you know i'm talking about the beginning of the you know like 2000 i haven't seen these guys in 15 years and uh somehow i remember them the club owners but not john keller who's been more than gracious than any club owner anyhow uh but here's what I liked about it I saw it was nice because the crowds had there were tables of black people which and you go why is that nice well because I when I do my racial shit I like I like when there's a little tension in the room. And again, it doesn't come from the black people. To this day, it just makes me laugh when I do my racial stuff. And you can decide whether or not, whether you think it's racist or not.

I'm just being brutally honest. And I'll look out there and I will see a table of black people laughing their ass off for the most part. Not all the time. You know, then you get that table of black people just stare at you like you're from another planet and we got nothing in common and they probably write about that too so but uh most of the time the black people are fucking howling and i can see like a table of white college age kids shitting their pants literally literally just like nervous looking at me it's phenomenal you could learn so much about race relations through comedy and being on stage live and just gauging the response of certain jokes it's priceless i did

walk a black couple i think uh the first show friday night they left like five minutes in i came out there was a backdrop of the st louis skyline with the arch and everything but the sky itself was reddish orange you know in the painting it's really beautifully done I don't know who did it but you know I'd come out and every night I'd go out and that's a beautiful painting of the St. Louis sky why is the sky all red and orange I go is that uh Ferguson burning in the background and then I went on to do some Ebola bits where I go, yeah, you know, Africa has given us some good stuff. AIDS, Ebola, L-sharped.

And that's the one when they got up, the couple, black couple got up and left. I don't know what I did. I mean, it wasn't, you know, but I did it every night and most people don't have a problem with it. There are those that uh just can you imagine going to a fucking comedy club and walking out because somebody said something you found offensive are you fucking and therein lies everything that's wrong with the world right there whether you're black white asian whatever to walk out of a comedy club because of a joke i'll never understand it in a million fucking years and the sad part is the industry is filled with comics who do understand it. That's what's sad.

You know what I call them? Non-comics. Yeah. Anyhow. Anywho. I saw a lot of biracial couples too, which was cool. I don't see that much in New York. I see it a little bit, but it was like four couples and two nights by race. It was great because I'm watching the white person while I'm doing a certain joke. I'm watching the black husband. There was a guy up front with his black guy laughing at everything I was saying and his, she looked white. The wife was looking really cranky and not liking me. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, it's just phenomenal. But it's a good club, Helium St. Louis. I recommend it.

It's a young club. They got to work out the kinks. The waitress came in to the green room and, you know, got me food and drinks on Thursday night, the first night. Then I didn't see her until they were picking up the tables on Sunday. Little things. But they were laughing and everything. And the second show, Friday night, which is notorious for sucking, comedians will tell you that, whether people have been working all week, whatever. They were as good as any of the shows. And for the most part, they were open to everything I was saying up there,

and for the most part, they were open to everything I was saying up there, except for that one couple. But anyhow, I'm just saying. What is going on? Well, you had Trump's tax story. I guess that was the big thing while I was gone. Just a play by the fucking New York Times. Ooh, somebody leaked it to the New York Times, his taxes from 95. He declared

almost a billion dollar loss, excuse me, which allowed him not to pay federal taxes for the next 18 years, which is perfectly legal. The fucking left is so anti-capitalist, so anti-business, so anti-corporation. They don't even know how business works. And this story's been out for a day or two now. It's blowing up in their faces. Because he didn't do anything illegal, unlike the thick-ankled, leathery-nippled dog face. Who are? It's just everything. Do you understand? Everything they bring up on him pales in comparison to what she's done because of the WikiLeaks,

the emails and bleaching after getting subpoenaed bleaching 33 000 email shit do you understand that's breaking the law yeah but trump called uh he called the hispanic woman fat and miss universe miss housekeeping chub oh my god oh my god meanwhile fucking fucking ISIS is coming over the border in Arizona wanting to cut your throats. But he called that chick fat. He's a fucking asshole and a racist. You got nothing. And I don't even like defending this guy because I'm not a huge fan. I say it every show. say in this country i look at these two and i go really out of the 330 million people living here this is what we got to choose from i'm with you but i mean at least he has some leadership skills and he made it in the private sector i don't give a fuck how if his dad gave him a million or 14 million okay he turned it into a couple billion so that's all i'm saying and we are a capitalist society don't forget it so but this shit about, you know, his taxes, everybody's laughing.

Everybody's on TV. Even people who don't like him are going, well, he didn't do anything illegal. It's what businesses do. And he came right out months ago when he first started running, saying, yeah, I use the screwed up tax code to my advantage like everybody does. That's what you're supposed to do as an American. Pay as little taxes as you can legally. And that's all he friggin' did. Just fuckin' hilarious to me.

So, yeah, there was... It's just, you know, it's really fuckin'... It's like the New York Times. Could you get any more corrupt? Huh? Barely. And by the way, Trump has been audited like 20 years in a row and hasn't been caught cheating yet. Even now.

What does that tell you? He's cleaner than Hillary's dirty, fat underwear. Are you shitting me? Never been accused of cheating on his taxes. Even with the IRS, you know, going after conservatives and shit, which was proven, by the way. The IRS agents, they try to destroy the Tea Party. And, boy, the New York Times gave that a ton of coverage, didn't they? What, did they look at that for 30 seconds?

All Trump did was take advantage of every deduction that he could, which is what business people do. Republican, Democrat, Independent, Libertarian. It's American as apple pie, Chevrolet, and tits. You heard me. Apple pie, Chevrolet, and tits. You heard me. Anyhow, that's the, that's what the, that's, you know, the New York Times.

Is that all you got, really? I can't wait to hear, again, I'm online today and they're saying, wait till Wednesday. This guy Roger Stone, who used to work for the Trump campaign, apparently, you know, Assange was going to release that October surprise. And then he had to cancel that announcement because of threats. Guy's living in a goddamn asylum, for Christ's sake. And he had to cancel because of threat. But he's still going to, supposedly some shit they're going to drop about Hillary that's just going to end her campaign, like instantaneously.

Put her out of misery like a chubby dog at the pound. I don't know if it's true or not. Who knows? But Jesus Christ, have we ever lived in more interesting times? I don't know. Politically? I don't think so. So, yeah.

And I'm listening to Giuliani, and I watch the Sunday one of the morning shows. I can only take one now. I used to watch two. I just can't take that much fucking liberalism hidden, you know, under the guise of neutral reporting. Oh, what a fucking sham. And that dried-up radish mouth, the raddicts, she's going to fucking be a moderator in one of the debates.

That's going to be delicious. But, yeah, the New York Times. Just fucking horrible, horrible people. And I'd like to know who leaked it to them. Isn't that, like, illegal, too? Not sure. I'm not a lawyer, although I played one on TV. Actually, I did.

I was only a kid when I said that. Horace and Pete. Yeah, I did. Well, how'd that go, Nick? Pretty good. What happened? You know, my buddy Louie did that Horace and Pete thing. He dropped it on the public, right?

Not telling anybody. And then I remember reading after he went on Howard Stern for the other writers, said that he was going to run around like crazy to get it nominated in its own category, like for an Emmy or some shit. But I haven't heard much about it since. And it's a killer thing if you haven't checked it out i don't know why i'm plugging that the last thing he needs is more money but he did put me in it um let's see uh what the hell else did i want to talk about in relation. Well, we had the you had. SNL, I guess. Margot Robbie was the the host.

And of course, it was the opening thing was the debates. And the big thing was that Daryl Hammond was not playing Trump, but Alec Baldwin was. And I knew it was going to be great. Alec Baldwin is a great mimic or impressionist. He only does a few, but he's... You know, you put his politics aside, I think I'd really like the guy if I met him

because when he's on Letterman shit, he's a funny fuck. And I like a hot-tempered guy who believes what he believes in. But the shit he believes in just fucking sends shivers up my spine. But I knew he'd be great. I think we all did. He's hosted the show a million times. And, you know, he does a killer Tony Bennett.

And he did somebody else. He was on Letterman one night. I was like, this guy is really good. But when I heard he was doing Trump, I'm like, that's going to be a home run. And he was really friggin funny uh once again i i'll play here's a couple clips from the snl uh fake debates and and my only other observation about when snl does this um and they have kate mckinnon you know good looking girl blonde hair blue eye uh when she does hillary i'm just wondering why they don't age her and give her the turkey neck and the fat fucking face and the shitty hair uh why

they don't do that why is that folks why do you think because it would make her more believable right but it would hurt her image and believe me you can ruin people snl like ruin Sarah Palin I don't give a shit what you think of her Tina Fey eviscerated her uh her persona you know but you think it's an accident that they don't make uh Kate McKinney look fat and ugly to play Hillary little things like that you'll learn here's uh I'm just gonna play this uh again the audience is not gonna be the best but this is uh snl alec baldwin as trump kate mckinnon as hillary in a debate scene i think i don't fucking know i have the best judgment and the best temperament. She's the one with the bad temperament.

She's always screaming. She's constantly lying. Her hair is crazy. Her face is completely orange, except around the eyes where it's white. It's his. The minute he came on, you're like, holy shit. He was walking like him. He just walked to the podium. He had the exact body language.

Let me just see something here. Let me play that again. I want to see if I can give you a better audio on that. Of course, the Monday show, the important show. I have the best judgment and the best temperament. She's the one with the bad temperament. She's always screaming. She's the one with the bad temperament. She's always screaming. She's constantly lying.

Her hair is crazy. Her face is completely orange, except around the eyes where it's white. Yeah, that wasn't much better, was it? Doesn't matter. Here's another clip. Commander-in-chief. He is a boy. so once again they get all their talking points in for Hillary. He says climate's a hoax, blah, blah, blah.

This is what they do. And it's funny. It's fine. It's fine. But they cut deeper with the jokes. I think you guys have picked up on this by now. They got all our talking points out there. Hillary actually said against, you know, against Trump. And that's what they do.

And I'm used to this. I've been watching snl since it started for i don't know how many years right at 30 something years and uh every presidential election the republicans betrayed as a fuck they did it with all of them george george w bush obviously his dad dana carvey used to do his death i mean you know they did the sarah pale reagan they betrayed his idiots and fucking fools and blah blah blah that's all it's it's His dad, Dana Carvey, used to do his dad. I mean, you know, they did the Sarah Palin, Reagan. They betrayed his idiots and fucking fools and blah, blah, blah. That's all. It's, it's, it's, uh, people always ask me about, you know, how come, uh, you know, show business.

It's just, uh, it's, it's the liberal arts, man. It's how they, it's what they believe. And, uh, and it's still fucking funny. You know, it's an exaggeration of both people, but like I said, they always cut deeper. The writing is better for the character, for the Democrat, whatever. But Kay McKinnon, man, she's fucking great. She's really talented, even in all the other sketches. I think I got one more clip here.

We'll be talking about the important issues like Rosie O'Donnell and how she's a fat loser. And everyone agrees with me, and I just wanted to bring that up in a presidential debate. Right at the end, my own volition, good idea, I did it. Unbelievable. But that's what I'm saying. Even with Adam watching this going, these really are the things that bug the left. That he, you know, calls Rosie O'Donnell a pig and Miss Universe, Miss Housekeeping.

Meanwhile, we got, you know, we're 19 trillion in debt and shit. But they're going, oh, he might be sexist and racist. They're playing small ball. Trump's playing big ball. And the sad part is it works because society as a whole is stupid. Thanks to the TV set, ironically. And it works.

Not every year. I don't know how the Republicans ever win an election with the fucking media. And now it's even worse. The internet is just soaking in liberal horse shit. And fucking, ugh. Yeah, just... Did you guys watch any uh ball over the weekend i know i'm all over the place i just got back monday show i get weirded out um how about my patriots i'll bring them right in the middle

of the show p fucking you as they say pyou. They got shut out by the Colts. I know we had our third-string quarterback, and no grunk, but it looked like they were using it as a practice. I don't know. And college ball was end. Georgia, Tennessee, and you go, why are you talking about this? Because I was laying on my bed in St. Louis on saturday with a pizza uh to my left don't get excited it was a girl's size but it was a jalapeno and bacon oh my god was it fucking good the hotel made it um and i'm watching college

football because what am i gonna do go down and go up in that arch again i did that in st louis almost died of claustrophobia if you've gone up gone up in that arch again? I did that in St. Louis. I almost died of claustrophobia. If you've gone up in that arch in St. Louis, they put you in a clothes basket. It takes about a half hour to get to the top. You get to the top, there's a window. It's like 8 by 10 with 20 tourists trying to look out of it. I stood up there, and I watched somebody get raped

behind a George Washington statue. Then I took the clothes basket back down. Anyways, I'm Georgia,ennessee i'm flipping through the channels i put it on literally i put it on it's like 10 seconds left georgia quarterback rolls out throws a hail mary it's caught touchdown georgia place is going shithouse again you're like why aren't you playing the clip because something wrong with the fucking converter uh place is going shithouse crazy i'm like unbelievable but what does the kid do that catches the touchdown takes his helmet off because he has to let everybody know who the fuck he is and he was born without a humility bone um i think it was the kid who caught the touchdown that took it off i'm pretty sure

anyways you can't do that in college football you can't take your helmet off and fucking hot dog what are they what happens when you do that your team gets penalized and it's when they assess it on the kickoff so now instead of kicking off from wherever they do in college at 25 or whatever you're kicking further back and it does what it gives tennessee a little bit of field position sure enough tennessee quarterback comes out so makes one quick pass uh puts him about midfield or whatever four seconds left now all because of that stupid penalty guy for Tennessee what's he do four seconds last play of the game rolls out throws a hail freaking Mary down the field guy for Tennessee goes up amongst about six Georgia defenders, outleaps them all, catches it, lands on his back for a game-winning Hail Mary 50-something yard bomb.

Unbelievable. All within 10 seconds. And then I flipped the channel and North Carolina's playing Florida State, who FSU is like, I think they were two or three, ranking-wise. state who fsu is like i think they were two or three ranking wise anyhow kid comes in for north carolina to try his longest field goal ever in his career 54 yards fucking nails it with no time on the clock at florida state oh i'm telling you man can't get enough of that shit and then i put on the fucking nfl uh they were reviewing reviewing a holding call for 18 minutes. Fucking what is that? What is that?

They call a penalty, and the refs get together. A guy could jump off sides. They get together. They call the governor of whatever fucking state they're in. It takes forever. NFL sucks. You wonder why their ratings are down. But the Kansas City

Chiefs, you put up a good effort last night at Pittsburgh. I'm glad I don't gamble. Please tell me how many times you heard that. Commercial break. Back from a commercial. Commercial big. Back from a commercial. Let's take a look at the static lineups.

Let's go to commercial. Back from commercial. Thank you, fucking nuts what the hell's going on out there jesus h just undisciplined fucking horrible ladies and gentlemen boys and girls, I think the most interesting story of the day is, uh... Well, have you seen the kid on Facebook? Danny Williams?

Says he's Bill Clinton's son? Danny Williams started a Facebook page in December under the new name Danny Williams Clinton with the apparent intention of grabbing the Clintons' attention. Now I'm thinking, who put him up to this? Why now? You know what I mean? Unless he probably did it before. But I'm just saying, great timing.

I'm thinking somebody got to him from Trump's side and said, hey, because this don't look good. Why it don't look good? Why you don't look good? Because apparently Hillary just turned her back on him with all these accusations. But very interesting story. For a couple reasons. Very interesting story. For a couple reasons.

A DNA test reportedly conducted by Star Magazine in 1999 said that Danny couldn't be Clinton's son, but there were main questions about the test's precision. Yeah, like the Clintons didn't send somebody over to that house and go, I mean, you're hearing more about that. We're going to cut you up and throw you to the alligators. more about that we're gonna fucking uh we're gonna cut you up and throw to the alligators danny's story first garnered international attention in 1992 as the then arkansas governor clinton was gearing up for a run for the presidency the globe interviewed danny's mother a former prostitute named bobby ann williams who told the story of how she allegedly met and began a relationship with Clinton in 1984.

Hey, where are the white women at? They weren't in the projects, Bill. That's what Bill was. Listen to this. Listen to this story. She says Clinton went out for a run one day in Little Rock when he jogged by her housing project and introduced himself to her. Guy's always campaigning, isn't he?

She was 24 years old at the time. Hey, where are the white women at? to her. Guy's always campaigning, isn't he? She was 24 years old at the time. Hey, where are the white women at? They ain't here, bitch. A few days later, Clinton allegedly jogged by the housing project again. Must have liked what he saw. And paid Bobby $200 for her to have sex with him.

Get the behind some bushes. Behind some bushes. Am I making this up? am i making this up am i making this up no after that barbie said that she and clinton regularly had sex sometimes alone sometimes with other female partners this guy was a fucking player, was he not? Eventually, Bobby became pregnant, and she suspected that it was Clinton's child. But when she told the governor,

he did this. And then he did this. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! And then Hillary did this. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! And then Hillary said this. It's like one of those child toy things. Then the duck said this. And then the first lady said this. And then Bill said this.

Hey, where are the white women at? You need to shut the fuck up oh but they disagree danny's mother bobby ann williams says bill paid her for sex on several occasions in 1984 around the time she became pregnant when she gave birth to her son she said it knew she knew it was clinton's son because of her son's light uh skin tone bobby claims clinton was the only white client she had at the time. Yeah, then they tried to solve it on TV, didn't they? The thing is my son. My son has my lips. My son has his hair. His

hairline. The only thing my son has of me is them lips in the color. That's all. You need to shut the fuck up. And then Bill went on. Honestly, I wasn't ugly when you was between my legs. Cool, brother.

Turn it up. Turn it up, brother. I wasn't ugly when you was between my legs. So, yeah, when he told Governor uh bill that bill just laughed in her face she became even more sure when she gave birth to baby boy on december 7th to a baby boy i said to baby boy like it's a rapper's name december 7th 1985 because the boy's skin tone was so light because he had a big veiny nose. No.

Bobby says her son could only be Clinton's because he was her only white client at the time. Shortly after giving birth, though, Bobby was imprisoned, as most, anyways, and her sister Lucille Bolton started taking care of the young boy. Bolton was said to be the first person who tried to force the governor to take a DNA test and reportedly spoke about the matter with, you know, Hillary herself. Yes, and Hillary did not like that. Hmm. Crazy, huh? crazy huh but he's got these pictures up on his facebook page of like him as a little kid and like bill clinton as a little kid and i'm not saying it i'm not

saying i see a little white boy and i see a black guy black boy who doesn't look anything i don't see the resemblance man i don I don't know. Yeah, they both have suits and ties on. In 1999, the Drudge Report, hardly a left-leaning publication, published a story claiming that the Star Magazine had conducted a DNA test and found that the two were not related, but there remains questions about the alleged test's validity. Why? I didn't see in the story they don't mention.

Why? Ah. When the governor's office began shutting her out, a local activist took up the cause and started spreading a flyer about the matter titled, The Hottest Thing Going Bill Clinton's Dick. That's what it said. Will keep him from running for president of the United States of America.

That's what it said on the flyer. The story was picked up again in 1999 when the Drudge Report read a story claiming that Star Magazine had conducted a paternity test using the DNA analysis from the Kenneth Starr impeachment report and samples from Danny and Bobby. Oh, remember that? The analysis reportedly found that Danny and Clinton couldn't be related, but there are questions about the test precision.

Well, what the fuck? What are those questions? They don't tell you. Well, somebody spilled some salad dressing into the DNA, and what's the fucking... In 2013, Danny gave an interview with the Globe explaining his reason for wanting to meet Clinton. This is interesting, too. Hey, where are the white women at?

That's why he wanted to meet them. Uh, no. In 2013, Danny gave an interview. Yeah, he said, I read, this is Danny talking about his alleged dad, Bill Clinton. He said, I read he doesn't have long to live. And I want to meet him face to face before he dies, Williams said. I just want to shake his hand and then wash it. No, I just want to shake his hand and say hi, dad, before he dies.

I'd like to have a relationship with Chelsea, too. She's my half sister. I can see no no we already established that Chelsea is Carl Hubble's daughter really and you put those pictures side by side there's no god damn doubt about it

no god damn doubt about it in my opinion but what's this look I know Hillary's really you know we've been questioning her health and Bill since those but what's this? Look, I know Hillary's really, you know, we've been questioning her health, and Bill, since those heart operations, which just knocked the shit out of him, he really does,

you know, he's a vegan and stuff, but he really does seem weak and fragile, but does he have something? Do you guys know something I don't know? Maybe he got some gonorrhea whenhea went unchecked for like 40 years from the pork and beans project where he jogged every day. Can you imagine he jogged by

and you see a fucking young hot chick and first of all he's jogging by the projects. They fucking must really he really is the first black president. Can't do that shit in new york but uh i find this i wonder if this is gonna go away i'm sure the new york times will get

right to the bottom of it but they also said in the article that uh like hillary shunned this kid's request to find out the truth. I don't know exactly how she did that. But the part about him fucking around her, that's hardly news to anybody. But I'd like to know, you know, obviously because Hillary's running, I guess it's time to pump new blood into this story. Again, that's a, you know, that's about as important as, again, Trump legally,

legally not paying taxes for 18 years. Pa-pa-pa-pa! But Bill Clinton denies it, and he denied this one the exact same way he did this one. I did not have sexual relations with that woman. Hey, where are the white women at? White pie. Well, I

so let's get this resolved. Let's go on Maury and get this shit resolved. Let's do it. My son has my lips. My son has his hair. His hairline. The only thing my son has of me is them lips in the color.

That's all. How the fuck does Maury Povich sleep at night? What a fucking weaselly cocksucker, money- money grubbing fucking soulless piece of cheese oh and connie chung married that fucking guy not that she's super great but i'm just saying you know i was looking at these clips while i was putting the show together and watching these uh like the top five you're not the father clips it's better than watching nfl highlights it's unbelievable one guy finds out he's not the father this black guy look like he's probably in his mid-20s does a backflip like he just scored his third touchdown against the eagles in overtime

he's just just jumps up. There's a backflip. Oh, God. And I know a lot of this shit is staged. I don't care. I don't care. He's still making money from doing it. It's just soulless, man.

But I was laughing my balls off watching this. And then there was a white guy on there. This was the ultimate in white emasculation. We talk about that. It's always on TV. That's the ultimate in white emasculation we talk about that it's always on tv that's all they do is emasculate white guys whether it's movies sitcoms commercials whatever um but this was the ultimate one there was a white guy that's fat ugly fucking fat ugly a fucking wife she looked like uh john madden in a tutu. And their two kids were like clearly black.

You know, they had black features and they were light, light skinned. But supposedly this white husband wanted to believe that they were his kids. Oh my god. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt.

I mean, just fuck. And then he starts bawling uncontrollably. Because his wife, you know, banged the black guy. And he thought the kids were his, even though they had black features. And, you know, fucking belly laughing. The guy's, why'd you do this to me? Like a woman and shit. Had to be an actor. Had to be.

Had to be. Had to be. I don't know, though. Some crazy shit goes on down there. Construction. Oh, there's a fumble on the plate. Yeah. Yeah. This weekend, come see me, folks. My favorite gig of the year. And I'm not kidding, because it's a beautiful...

It's tied. It's between this and the subject theater but the the ridgefield playhouse in connecticut ridgefield connecticut this saturday night these are the gigs if i could have one of these a week i would you'd fucking never hear from me again i'd quietly within driving distance real money um in an actual theater no waitresses no waiters no handing out the motherfucking check during the set nobody fighting over chicken fingers nobody going where's the shitter uh checks being handed out right in the middle it's just fucking it's a beautiful theater people sit and listen they pay real money to get in and um yeah so this sat night, the Ridgefield Playhouse. And then, let me grab my book. Ow!

Go to nickdip.com for the other dates. But, you know what, the brokerage in Belmore, Long Island, the 14th and 15th. That's not this weekend, but the next weekend. And I'm doing a one-nighter in Jersey. Scotty's Pub, I think it's called, October 22nd. That's just a little tune-up. And then the special on the 28th at the Suffolk Theater. Again, if you want to subscribe to the podcast, go to connectpal.com

slash Nick. connectpal.com slash Nick. Or go to my website. You can get it that way too. But if you go right to connectpal.com slash Nick, it's much easier. Yeah. So Danny boy, I can't wait to find out.

How did it end? Are they going to have the DNA test? I forget. He thinks he's going to die, though. Funny if he walks up to him and goes, hi, daddy, and stabs him in the chest. I told you he was going to die. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Wack, wack, wack, wack, wack, wack Wack, wack, wack, wack

White power, one, two, three, four Google promotes controversial claim It's not possible for ethnic minorities To be racist against white people Unfucking believable Priceless. Priceless. What a catchy tune. What if the odds they were doing meth when they wrote this one? It is too late, son.

Google is promoting the idea that ethnic minorities cannot be racist towards white people. And here is the myth that just fucking... I know black people who disagree with is the myth that just fucking i know black people who disagree with this it's so fucking funny i told you they did a poll in a new york paper about a year ago because i was remember i was startled at the results black people said they were asking different races who's more racist and black people said that they were more racist white people they won the poll by a fucking you you know, a margin, a wide margin. But Google, you know,

unbelievable white fucking, white globalists, elitists, just jerk-offs, just book smart but retarded when it comes to the real world. The tech giant's search results appear to foreground the left-leaning answers to this highly controversial question

rather than giving a view which reflects the fact there is debate over this contentious issue. In other words, they're sticking their opinion where it doesn't even, you know, it's like unsolicited. America is currently locked in a passionate argument about whether some supporters of groups like Black Lives Matter are actually racist towards white people. No, we're not. There's no argument there.

We know they are. People that have an IQ higher than a fucking pineapple. There's no passionate argument there. With people from different sides of the political spectrum offering varying views. However, Google's search facility offers a rather one-sided solution to this thorny and divisive question. We searched Google using several terms similar to the phrase, can you be racist towards white people?

Google showed us an explanation which appears to be taken from the Huffington Post, and it says, in quotes, any person can be racist regardless of their own race google search rankings explained wrong it says in quotes no they can't racism requires power and prejudice white people have power to oppress black people because they control the system and uh economic structure in society. What a load of fucking goat cum. What a fucking load of horse shit. Yeah. So when four black kids just beat a fucking 85-year-old white world war two veteran to death, they were doing it why?

Economic injustices and what a crock of shit. If that's true, then they can't be prosecuted, right? According to Google, black people can't get arrested for hate crimes, right? We also asked if a black person can be racist against a white person we're told the usage of the word racist relative to a hate speech by blacks on blacks or whites is incorrect a subjugated group cannot be racist they can only be prejudicial can you imagine putting this shit out there it's just google let's just get it meanwhile the people that fucking own Google and shit, you know, they they live in closed. They have castles out in Northern California and Palo Alto and all those fucking just when we ask Google the question, can you be racist towards a white person?

It showed a comment from a blogger called Slapdash Mom. She wrote prejudice against white folks is not racism. It's prejudice or discrimination. discrimination racism is something else entirely it's a system that acts no now you're talking about institutional racism and the only reason you claim that exists is because it relieves you of the duty of having to prove on individual cases where there's racism you can just go the whole fucking thing's racist racism is something also uh something else entirely she says it's a system that acts against people of color in this country established

through slavery and colonization so there is a difference oh you'd so fucking so sad what has happened to thank you colleges yeah i get all kinds of white privilege i'll head into the comedy cellar and make 30 doing a set and i'll get bumped by michael che and fucking chris rock and uh that's when that white privilege really i love that i saw a picture online of a bunch of coal miners like in k or Ohio I don't know they're all white guys they're covered in soot and shit like after a hard day's work on one of those you know those little trains they take out of the mines and it just said white privilege you know sarcastically it said white privilege under the picture perfect so that's

nice you can't be racist but that's just what they need to hear. It's great. Anyhow, what a fucked up, what a see, I mean, it's bad enough the Republicans have to fight against the mainstream media, now you got the whole internet and people that run the internet like fucking Google coming up with their fucking

asinine theories. And pretty soon they'll be going, well, that's settled science, too. You can't argue that. That's just settled science. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. How about this? You remember when the Obamas first came into office? They said, Michelle said it's a mean country right now after eight years of Bush. She said the United States is a mean country. Do you remember that? Do you remember her saying that? Well, I don't think it's ever been meaner than now.

You just have to read headlines like on Drudge and just, you know, some fan getting a fight, a Ravens fan getting a fight with two Raiders fans, and he's in critical condition after a football game. And I'm not just saying this just happened under Obama, but I'm just saying how many beatdowns have we read about? The one that sticks out to me is that world war ii veteran 88 years old when two young black guys beat him to death in seattle now a lot of the shit goes unreported because again it's that's not racism

that's just people striking uh alabama teen beaten into critical condition after posting blue lives matter video 17 year old alold Alabama high school students in critical condition after being assaulted this weekend. According to Siliquagua Police Chief Kelly Johnson, Brian Ogle was assaulted in Ace Hardware parking lot following the high school homecoming game. When authorities arrived on the scene, they discovered Ogle beaten and bleeding from his head. Airlifted to University of Alabama Birmingham Hospital. Tested real three skull fractures and trauma to his shoulder gee i wonder who did that again the reason being he posted um a blue lives matter video that means cops So who do you think did that to him? Hmm. But remember, it's not racism.

He remains in critical condition. I was... Oh, my fucking God. His mother, Brandi Allen, told police she believes the assault occurred after he posted a pro-police message to Facebook. Instead of us planning it for his 18th birthday, we're all here, she says from the hospital.

Why? Because he made a statement that he backs the blue. She says, I'm still trying to understand how someone no matter the color of their skin could do this to another human being. Well, there's your first mistake. Assuming. Anyhow, Alan added that her son

received threatening messages after making the post. The kid took it to the principal and he showed the threats to the principal were being made to him. But she, the principal, told him there was nothing she could do about it. Why is that?

She ought to be fucking hung up by a bus to Brownstown. Why couldn't you do anything about it? Hmm. The legacy of Obama, huh? The great uniter. Yeah. Anywho. More race. anywho more more race uh a high school in oregon is coming under fire from some angry parents after students in one class were assigned a white privilege survey the assignment was for a

literature composition class at aloha high school students responded to statements including these are the same as i can be in the company of people of my race most of the statements including these are the statements i can be in the company of people of my race most of the time obviously these are questions pointed towards white kids i can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me and i am never asked to speak for all the people in my racial group scoring them and how often they felt the ideas were true. Can you imagine you sending a kid to a fucking school and they're using him for social... One of the parents says, I think he should be learning actual education and not be part of some social experiment or some teacher's political agenda. Exactly.

With the amount of money we pay for schools they should be educating not indoctrinating our students about the latest political fad or political agenda a teacher wants to get across exactly the fucking teachers are evil and of course the college campuses produce these fucking cretins and it's just that that's all college campuses aren't an indoctrination for liberal horseshit. But of course, the school officials were quick to defend the assignment. The survey is just one activity that engages students in exploring this area, Maureen Wheeler, the dumb fucking idiot, said.

The Beaverton School District spokeswoman, that's who she is, she said the class was meant for students to explore social issues, specifically in relation to race, class, and sexuality, with the aim of having students gain empathy, understanding, and to build bridges. Because you white students, you just can't relate. You don't know what it's like

to be black in this hellhole we call America. You need, we have to build understandings. You're just so primitive in your thinking, and you just, you can't relate to anybody

but white people like yourselves. Is that fucking right? You need to shut the fuck up. Oh, God, fucking help us. Help us all. Help us all. That's it, folks. I've had enough.

Been down here probably 11 hours thanks to technical difficulties. Anyhow, go to, like I said, connectpal.com slash Nick to subscribe to the podcast. Two to three more shows a week, $3.99 a month. You can't beat it with a stick. If you do, you'll be charged with a hate crime.

All righty then. Anything else, kids? Producer? That's not in the room. My imaginary producer named Pam. That is it. I'll talk to you manana. Hey, hey, I saved the world today.

And everybody's happy now the bad things gone away. And everybody's happy now the good things didn't stay. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Everybody's laughing all the time guitar solo I'm out.