The Nick DiPaolo Show - 162 -Recount This, A-Holes!

Episode Date: November 29, 2016

Recount This, A-Holes!

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Samuel cuts it back. Ohio State wins. Ohio State wins. warning everyone in this area that quote there may still be an active shooter on the loose on the loose what in christ is going on folks welcome to the monday itunes riotcast.com version of the nick the pilot podcast if you indeed enjoy this show which is for free on mondays you can subscribe uh for two to three more shows a week for 3.99 a month at connectpal.com slash nick connectpal.com slash nick and uh i'm sure you will most people do it's growing like a tumor folks uh what is going on in this goddamn country have you ever are we living in the most turbulent times ohio state university campus it goes from exuberance on Saturday afternoon, beating their arch rival Michigan in front of 110,000 people in double overtime. One of the best football games you'll ever see.

I told you to watch it on Friday. I hope you did. Just a great example of college football. It goes from exuberance to 9.30 this morning, local time, mass shooting at the campus. What the fuck? I mean, Jesus Christ, can we just have a day of peace? I'm sure they'll blame it on Trump somehow or his election. I'll get to the Democrats just humiliating themselves day after day.

They look like bigger assholes than they did the last 10 years. They've learned nothing from the last 10 years. Republicans, you should have a hard-on, because these are some of the dumbest bastards. They are going hard left. We'll get to it in a few minutes. But eight people have been reported injured in the mass shooting at OSU. One dead that we know of and again uh it's probably the story's probably progressed since this but uh

seven of those patients reported stable one critical um and like i said one dead it happened around 9 30 this morning in the chemical engineering building some reports come in and say that some of the victims had been stabbed with at least four being shot when i hear stab i also heard about a machete involved that sounds like isis to me and again we all know the news isn't going to tell you until they fucking actually have a guy that looks like uh you know arafat in a headlock before they'll commit to anything. I'm sure they know more. I'm just going out on a limb and saying lone wolf or whatever. A couple lone wolves radicalized. I'm just guessing.

I don't know at this point. Okay. God forbid we draw a conclusion. But they tweeted out to the students, Buckeye alert, active shooter on campus, run, hide, fight. Watts Hall, 19th and college wats halls material and science and engineering building and um i just find it weird that that's the run either run hide or fight if you have to well if you had a gun and uh you know if you can carry a gun don't know the don't know the state laws of ohio but uh yeah should add shoot

to that shoot and kill the motherfucker if uh you know you have a concealed weapon on you in a perfect world i think we all would but that's another argument for another time run hide fight that's the standard protocol for active shooters i'm running if i don't have a weapon i am running and I'm fucking hiding. I'm doing a 4-3-40. I might even be in the defensive backfield of Buckeyes in the playoff game because of the speed that they will witness me running away from a shooter. That's what I do.

But I'm a big girl. Unless I had a gun, then I would hide behind a mailbox or whatever and try to shoot somebody, preferably the guy doing the fucking slaughtering. Anyhow, that's what they tell you. Evacuate, if possible. Hide. Get silently out of view or fight as a last resort.

Take action to disrupt or incapacitate the shooter if your life is in imminent danger. Yeah, I'm sure a, you know, Asian chemistry major. Why Asian, Nick? imminent danger yeah i'm sure a uh you know asian chemistry mate why asian nick okay a chemistry major with a 3.9 uh some girl that's you know 102 pounds is gonna do a flying wheel kick well they do it on tv all the time i see him kicking the shit out of men in movies and commercials and tv shows and uh maybe that's a possibility but anyhow what a fucking tragedy i mean aye aye aye aye aye aye and uh they're not gonna and this is a thing when when a when a new president you know president-elect trump when this is uh he'll get tested i don't know if this is the case here but they love to do that while the team is in

transition from the you know incumbent president to the president-elect there'll be all kinds of horseshit like this probably going on and uh just fucking just horrible pray for osu and a stop to this fucking nonsense don't you feel better knowing you have another president though to address this in a month or two instead of uh you know oh uh we don't know anything yet and uh we don't want to prejudge, and please don't take it out on Muslims. Don't you feel a little better knowing Trump is going to go, yeah, we'll get to the fucking bottom of this, and we'll find out who did it, and the proper things will be done to that person, including waterboarding and torture, if need be. I feel better. Maybe you don't. But anyhow, that's the dealio.

Hey, if you guys want to, somebody tweeted me, hey, why don't you take some questions, which I did probably a year and a half ago on my podcast, on the older show, before I had the subscription model. I did take questions on a couple shows. So if you subscribe, go to connectpal.com, you know, the personal, the comment page, where you can personal, you and I can personally talk to connectpal.com you know the personal the comment page where you can personal you and i can personally talk to each other uh if you want to if you want to send in a few questions or whatever maybe i'll read them this week please if i remember i'm really getting

scared with my memory it's just fucking frightening but uh yeah so if you want to send in some questions those can be funny you know doesn't have to all be serious horseshit. We can have fun with that. You know what I'm saying? Hey. And as always, real quickly, thanks as far as contributions. We broke a record this month as far as amount of money. And as far as number of contributions, we're only a few away from breaking that, too,

with a couple days left to go in November. My buddy Aaron Calhoun, thank you. Gary Anderson with a big, fat, really generous contribution. Gary, can't thank you enough. Dave Harris, a regular contributor, as is Cherry Petrino, my AK Bunny galore. Did I just give that away? I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Tony Bishop, regular contributor.

And, of course, my boy from Yonkers. I think he's from Yonkers i think he's from yonkers at least i met him in yonkers at hot comedy club gene everett always contributing thank you guys so much like i said we set a record this month let's break it next month who am i jerry lewis edna tiffany please um oh goodness gracious heloise i got something going on and i know you guys must be going this guy is not healthy, and I'm not right now. I don't know what the fuck is going on with my stomach. It's been going on for weeks, I've been ignoring it. You know when your stomach's empty and it starts to make these sick gurgling growling? That's been going on with me for a couple weeks around the clock now, whether it's empty, whether it's full. It's fucking frightening, man. It's empty, whether it's full. It's fucking frightening, man.

And I'm not going. I just went to the fucking doctors for the fucking Zoloft thing. And I thought it was a Zoloft. It might be fucking up my stomach. So I stopped that a few days ago. And some guys tweeted me and thank you or personal message me on my connect pal saying that Zoloft is the worst. It numbs your cock and balls. I don't know what the fuck that means. Mine are fine. I've been touching them all night and a lot of sensitivity. Anyways,

yeah, so I'm not going back to the doctors because I was just there. I was in a waiting room. It was like triage and mash. Fucking sick people in their late hundreds, old people with walkers, shit bags and fucking oxygen tanks and people coughing this wet, spitty fucking Ebola cough. And I probably got the shit from there a few weeks ago. But anyhow, I will shit out my lower intestines before I go back to the doctors. And that's how I am. And that's the end of that.

What a weekend, huh? What a fucking weekend. Um, well, you know what I'm talking about? A lot of big news, um,

politically, sports wise. And it's sometimes they actually, uh, intermesh as we say. news, politically, sports-wise, and sometimes they actually intermesh, as we say. And, well, fucking, we know the Obamas are in mourning, both of them, the whole family, because their fucking hero died. You know who I'm talking about, jerk-off number one. Así entendemos los revolucionarios cubanos nuestro deber internacionalista. And that guy rolling R? By the way, this is him in 1966 in front of a couple hundred third world revolutionaries giving a speech and saying how that if there's any, any place where a revolution is going on

anywhere on the planet, Angola, anywhere, that they, the Cuban revolutionary, will be ready to fight the oppression of, you know, Americans and other imperialistic... He was a jerk-off. Back to his speech in Spanish. But he could roll an R. I'll tell you that fucking much.

And a cigar. Porque entiende que el enemigo es uno. He said... El mismo que nos ataca a nosotros en nuestras costas y en nuestras tierras. El mismo que ataca a los demás. Y por eso decimos y proclamamos que con combatientes cubanos podré contar el movimiento revolucionario en cualquier rincón de la tierra! Your tears are so yummy and sweet.

Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness. Yummy, yummy, you guys. ¡Erosos risos! This porro rojo chicken. El porro roco chicken. A porro pork sandwich. He was an oppressive jerk-off dictator who tortured people, murdered people, killed his political rivals. Yet he's a hero of President Obama. And Obama, I'll get to his statement in a minute.

But before we do, it had all very weird implications because, you know, jerk off Colin Kaepernick, who I was a fan of. Again, I remember him as a quarterback in college and I was pulling for him in the Super Bowl and shit. I just didn't know he was another dope West Coast dope fucking brainwashed and just as ignorant as they come with his giant 1960s afro still a good ball player uh i say but anyhow just a jerk off and um he was playing he wore a t-shirt he was playing they were playing the dolphins and he had uh previously wore a t-shirt that had castro on the t-shirt and they came to miami how ironic huh i think castro died on friday and don't believe what you hear a lot of people think it's undercooked turkey that got him um i don't believe that but somebody said the turkey was uh red and bloody

and he ate it and said fuck it i have shits sit on the toilet and barf my brains out now i'm doing like a fucking i don't know what I'm doing. Anyhow, Kaepernick, yeah, was playing at Miami. As you know, Miami has a huge Cuban population, and they were celebrating in the streets that this dictator who had tortured their relatives and families for years and kept them as political prisoners, they were exuberant, as you would expect in Miami.

And guess who comes to town? Jerkoff. The 49ers. Isn't it fucking perfect that he is the quarterback for the 49ers? Because, you know, most people in San Francisco, I should say most, but that city would love, you know, just absolutely fucking suck Castro's dick if he was still alive. suck Castro's dick if he was still alive and uh it's just isn't it ironic that he's the quarterback for 49ers for a city that's so far left it's in the dirty ocean uh anyhow so he's at the press conference and a local reporter uh who was Cuban had a real fucking problem with uh obviously with a t-shirt that Kaepernick was wearing. So he grilled Kaepernick.

This is the Dolphins reporter questioning Colin Kaepernick and his love of Fidel Castro. You a communist? Huh? How do you like it? They tell you all the time what to do what to think what to feel do you want to be like a cheap like all those other people man i don't have to listen to this bullshit you want to work eight ten fucking hours you own nothing

you got nothing do you want a chivado on every corner man looking after you watching everything you do everything you say man everything you say, man. Do you know I eat octopus three times a day? I got fucking octopus coming out of my fucking ears, man. Boy, that reporter sounded a lot like fucking Al Pacino in Scarface. He really grilled him, didn't he? I'm telling you, he let him have it. And then there was a player on the Dolphins. I forget his name.

I didn't really. I read it last night um fuck what was his name I want to say Alonzo or something but he was another guy Cuban whatever his parents are Cuban so he was trying to take Kaepernick's head off and he had a great game

had like 12 tackles interception fumble recovery and uh Little Havana in Miami is ecstatic over this shit and they should be piece of shit third world dictator and again if he ran for the democratic nomination he'd win in this country that's the sad part yeah he would obama fucking he's got to be in mourning big time big time mourning oh my god he's got to be in tears. As a matter of fact, we have audio. There's somebody who recorded this.

Somebody called the White House to tell Obama on Friday that Fidel Castro had passed away. And they recorded the call. And here it is. What do you mean? Well, you know what I mean he's gone and we couldn't do nothing about it that's it what do you mean with me he's gone he's gone I can believe it. I can't fucking... Your tears are so yummy and sweet. Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness. Yummy. Yummy, you guys.

Oh, don't worry. There's plenty of dictators around the world. You can pretend not to love Mr. Obama. Oh, boy. I'm telling you. Well, here's Obama's actual statement. I'll read it to you. He tweeted it out after Castro's death. Or he wrote it on a napkin at fucking Wendy's.

I can't remember. Does it matter? History will record and judge the enormous impact of this singular figure on the people and the world around him. What a fucking whitewashing of the truth, huh? What a fucking milquetoast dog shit. Boy, if that doesn't say everything about this Alinskyite Marxist. Oh, and you fucking, some of you people, and again, not the ones I'm talking to, maybe, fucking voted for this guy twice.

Ugh. Do your homework. Just like you should do research before you come to a comedy club about the headliner history will record and judge the enormous impact of this singular figure on the people and world around him wow i mean really even though you know that he fucking murdered people and imprisoned them for their political views and even young girls in jail were abused and shit? Really? That's your, wow, what a great view of the world. of this singular figure on the people and world around him. Yeah, we've already, most of us that are sane and have our marbles have already judged him. The verdict's in.

He was a piece of shit, a dictator, a killer. You know, a violator of those human rights that you so fucking cherish, Mr. Obama, you big fella, you. You're gonna fucking break. History will record and judge. Why don't you judge him? Oh, that's right. Liberals don't judge people. That's why San Francisco has homeless people shitting on the sidewalk and people who run restaurants not having the balls to go out and go, hey, you can't do that here. Come on in. Take a dump right in my kitchen. I'm making corned beef. That's what libs do. They don't judge people's behavior. I say you should, including mine.

It's always judged. Nobody gets judged more than a fucking stand-up comedian. Every 21 seconds on stage we're being judged. That was funny. That sucked. You suck. Next. But he's gone. He's gone. nothing we can do about it and he's gone but uh yeah so congratulations to the cuban people whose families had to put up with that piece of garbage and his brother by the way he hasn't even been this guy was on his deathbed 10 years ago and then somebody gave him it was like a mentos ad he fucking took a mentos you know how those mentos ads you take them remember that candy in every ad you could have like full-blown aids you give a guy the mentos and it'd be healthy as a horse and you eat a mentos and and heidi

clomid come up from manhole cover and blow you it was uh somebody gave him a mentos like 10 years and he's hanging on for their life uh but raul the brother who's 85 by the way so he should be going soon maybe we can have a double celebration maybe he'll go this year but i love it because trump came out and i don't have his exact quote or something like fuck cuba we're going to reverse everything obama did about loving cuba because they're a oppressive state and if they want to fucking improve the lives of the cuban people we'll do business with them but if they don't fuck off we're reversing everything i think i'm paraphrasing maybe i'm not it's huge he um i'm paraphrasing but basically that was it's like fucking and and uh marco rubio i should have fucking pulled the clip but he was on sunday morning on one of

the shows and of course he's of cuban and had relatives Ted Cruz had relatives and tortured and one of his uncles in a prison you know and the shit that went on I was just unbelievable so and he says there better not be any fucking praising of this guy and I agree with Ted even though he looks like, you know, Grandpa Munster had a fucking twin. What? I don't know what the fuck that means. Anyhow, so he's gone. He's gone. And that's the way to go about it. But I was just very disappointed. I thought Obama would have a little bit of negativity in that quote.

But why? Why would I think that? Why? Because I watch CNN, one of my favorite channels. By the way, that comes into the category of fake news, okay? I'll tell you how to spot fake news later on in the show. Since it's one of the things that the fucking whining Democrats, oh my God, they still can't believe it they still can't believe they lost to a reality tv star just a big racist bigoted dope and you know what hillary got two million more vote and again and trump's saying well a bunch of illegals voted and i would have

won the popular vote i don't know if there's any evidence of that yet but you know i've learned something about following trump for the last year and a half every time he says something and i'm quick to judge too going ah i got i don't know if i believe that you know nine out of ten times 99 percent of the time it turns out it's true so uh let's give the process some time and find out just how many illegals did vote and he probably would have won the party it doesn't fucking matter though does it I can't believe there's people out there going

it was a fucking popular vote it should be one person one vote oh yeah I'm sure you'd be saying that if Trump won the fucking popular vote and she won the election I didn't hear you saying that before the election when he had no pathway according to Wolf Blitzer and all the other cum guzzlers didn't hear you saying that before the election when he had no pathway, according to Wolf Blitzer and all the other cum guzzlers. Didn't hear you say that once. Anyhow, any he and a ha ha ha. Oh, why am I bringing it up?

Because Jill fucking Frankenstein. Is doing a recount in like Wisconsin, Michigan. I don't know, Iowa, maybe. I don't know. There's a million theories behind it, but the best one out there is that the Clintons are playing her like a fucking fiddle. She had to get so many names at a petition

and so much money raised. And what it is, somebody's saying it's like a fucking super PAC, whatever. She's setting up shop, raising all kinds of money for herself or whatever. And the other theory is that the Clintons, who are now virtually out of power, that they're behind this. They're using her. They secretly want a fucking recount, regardless of what Hillary said during the last debate.

But they don't want the name of the recount because it would look like sour grapes and it would make her the fucking hypocrite that she is for what she said in that debate. I'll refresh your memory with those two clips. But Jill Stein is out there. Just another fucking dope. This broad, I'm more qualified.

Nice Moe Howard haircut. Why you? Here's Jill Stein about the recount. The purpose here is not to overturn the results of the election. The purpose here is to establish

voting integrity, to verify our votes, and to ensure that in this election and going forward that we can count on the accuracy and the security and the veracity of our votes. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! Oh, fucking bitch.

Oh, how can she? Boy, you guys are shameless. My God. But I think I really kind of agree with that theory. It's got to be the Clintons. Fucking Hillary. They're the most power hungry couple. Please. They won't go away. And you know damn well they're like,

fuck it, yeah, we'll use her. They promised her some shit. Who knows? Piece of the foundation. Who knows what they promised this gray-haired witch fucking oh my god you're making asses of yourselves you really are and uh everybody's saying even people on the sunday morning shows hardcore democrats going this is silly there's no way nothing is going to change and uh it's just un-fucking-believable and remember how they laughed at mr trump

during the debate when they asked him uh when uh chris what was it chris wallace asked him uh this question about accepting the results you're running mate governor pence pledged on sunday that he and you his words will absolutely accept the result of this election. Today, your daughter Ivanka said the same thing. I want to ask you here on the stage tonight, do you make the same commitment that you will absolutely, sir, that you will absolutely accept the result of this election? You hear him, sir, like he's talking to a fucking 11-year-old. Sir, I'm not finished with my question yet.

He's a half a fruit cup anyways. Did a great job, though, moderating. But here was response by a Trump during the... Let me do that again. I don't know. I don't know what the fuck happened there. Let's do... Here's Donald's response during the debate.

You're running, mate. Governor Pence. Sorry about that Sunday that he and you is caffeine will absolutely accept the result of this election today. Your daughter, Ivanka, said the same thing. I want to ask you here on this stage tonight. Do you make the same commitment that you will absolutely, sir, that you will absolutely accept the result of this election? I will look at it at the time. I'm not looking at anything now. I'll look at it at the time. To hear the cackling in the audience of the arrogant douchebags who aren't cackling anymore. They're crying. That was actually a fucking brilliant response.

How about that? How about his instincts are tremendous? Maybe Mitt Romney could learn something from him. But everybody cackled. And then the media, the fucking CNNs and MSNBCs and ABCs and CBSs of the world just laughing, going, what a dick. And of course, the thick-ankled, dog-faced, mustachioed Mrs. Bill Clinton. This was her response to his response. I have to admit, you know, when we were both asked the question.

I assumed he would say what everybody has always said, which is, hey, of course, you know, because to say you won't respect the results of the election. That is a direct threat to our democracy. And you blew it. You blew it. Direct threat, huh? Guess who joined in to Jill Stein's recount efforts? Hillary Clinton. That's right. The thick-ankled dog face is back in the news because she can't help herself. Go away. Go back under that rock, please.

Yeah, she's in on it, too. She's supporting the recount. Absolute fucking nonsense. How to bring the country together, how to heal. Can you fucking imagine after Obama got elected if we would if fucking people are just doing anything like this? Anything. Oh, by the way, hate crimes are up. Yeah. Last year, there was 250 against Muslims. I think it's 267 now, 17. And what you know, what is a hate crime? Now it's looking at somebody the wrong way, I think is considered a hate. What a bunch of fucking nonsense. They get both feet on the gas pedal going somebody the wrong way i think is considered a hate what a bunch of

fucking nonsense they get both feet on the gas pedal going in the wrong fucking direction but hillary you fucking hypocrite you shameless power-grubbing whore i mean that with all due respect can you imagine now i won't put my name on it you don't even have the guts to go i want a recount we'll have jill stein do it play her like a fucking fiddle and um i don't know it's just fucking hilarious it's not like he won by 11 votes and 210 vote he won by fucking in some of these states 20 000 over 20 000 vote 30 000 yeah razor's edge there let's have a recount you fucking gotta be kidding me just fucking embarrassing yourselves embarrassing yourselves gotta be behind it who the fuck now and this after fucking Trump

after Trump comes out a couple days ago and says I'm not gonna prosecute Hillary which pissed me off and a few of us that voted for him how about the notion of me voting in New York like my vote was gonna fucking matter but um you gotta get out there but I'm just saying

he comes out and is magnanimous about it and says yeah I, I'm not going to. I don't want to hurt the Clintons. And this is his thanks. The thick-ankled dog face and her fucking gangster rapist husband, allegedly, by the way. Yeah, they're joining in on the recount, but they won't put their faces on it. Lot of balls, as Tony Soprano would say. Lot of balls.

Lot of balls. I'm going to fucking smash his fucking face in. Yeah, I would love to. Come on, Dems. A lot of balls. I'm going to fucking smash his fucking face in. Yeah, I would love to. Come on, Dems. You're really embarrassing yourself. You got to grow up. Yeah, you really do. You're not a kid anymore.

Sure you is. Ba-da-ba-da-ba-ba. Eh. Oh, oh. Jill Stein, ladies and gentlemen. Jill Stein. I like her. She doesn't color her hair.

She doesn't try to fit into what a man thinks a woman should look like. That's a, she's got a cock, a cock, cock. Now, she's actually kind of female compared to most of the powerful women in the Democratic Party who look like these starting fucking front four for the Carolina Panthers. What? You heard me. I'll tell you what, though, this weekend.

I'll tell you what, and hold on to your seats. And by the way, if you like the show, like I said, subscribe at connectpal.com slash Nick. Connectpal.com slash Nick.

Put two to three more shows a week. $3.99 a month. It's a buck a week. And if you can't afford that, you're probably a Democrat. What? Give me some cheese, some government cheese. Cocaina. By the way, oh, what was I saying?

Tim Ryan, this Democrat from Ohio, he's the one threatening Pelosi's position. And he was on one of those morning shows, Meet the Press, I believe it was, with rat-face Chuck Todd. It's so funny. I watch both those Sunday morning shows, and the moderators have a whole different tone now. They're a little, just you can tell, they've had their fucking asses whipped, and they don't even sound.

Kellyanne Conway was on one of the shows answering questions and just sort of made the moderator, but she's a little out of line in my opinion too. She's fucking, she's got a real hate on for mitt romney and i don't know if she's getting too big for her britches but you know she's out there bad mouth and romney who who trump you know is still considering she's a campaign manager by the way so i don't know if they're playing uh you know good cop bad cop but what the fuck's going on here my theory on that is trump maybe you know trump we talk about his thin skin and revenge and all that and and can you imagine if

he's just fucking shining on uh romney so he can let him down at the last minute i wouldn't put it past trumperini but kelly and conway's out there going trying you know i i agree with it because giuliani was supporting Trump from day one. He put his neck on the line when everybody thought it was a joke. So to me, you go with fucking loyalty. And as much as I like Mitt Romney and he's a real statesman and he's a brilliant guy and all that shit, I go, and this has nothing to do with me being a greasy guinea, I go with Giuliani on loyalty. He stuck his neck out for you. And both of them would make a killer Secretary of State. You know?

Not as good as fucking Hillary Clinton was. I mean, she was terrific. She flew around the country more than anybody. Around the planet like twice. I say that again, tongue in cheek. But Tim Ryan, he's a congressman, a Democrat from Ohio. I actually like this guy a little bit, which means I'm sure Dems hate him.

But he's the only one so far that I've heard on that side that seemed like learned a lesson from the election results. This is him with Chuck Ratface Todd on Meet My Tits. This is Tim Ryan, congressman of Ohio. And I think he learned something, unlike most Dems. Folks back in the fold. You know, Bernie Sanders said the following last week. There's a huge split between young people and older people in the party. The older people have got to recognize this.

The model of the Democratic Party has failed. We don't have the House, the Senate, the White House. We don't have three-fourths of the governors. You know what? We failed. So I correct myself. Bernie Sanders might have learned something too. That was his quote. Do you think he's alluding to identity politics here as the thing? Yes. What do you believe the thing is? I think in part, we try to slice the electorate up and we try to say, you know, you're black, you're brown, you're gay, you're straight, you're a woman, you're a man. The reality of it is there's no juice in that kind of campaign. There's no energy in that because it's divided.

The key to and the magic of good campaigns is when you pull people together, you unite them around a common theme. And look, if you're black, white, gay, straight, brown, you want a good job. You know, we focus sometimes too much on the minimum wage and we should be talking about living wages and middle class wages and pensions and benefits and the kind of thing that people in the industrial Midwest talk about all the time. So was this guy has to be stopped now because you know what? He gets it as much as I like a guy, a only democrat i might say i like we have to stop him now because he actually gets it it's not about identity politics that's what got trump elected okay it's so fucking i i kept saying that to colin quinn and my buddies and i kept saying

why don't you go for the white vote never mind the fucking black vote i know you're gonna get some of it but that's minuscule and uh when romney ran i read in the paper after if he got like he would have had if he got like another i don't know uh a quarter of a percent of the white vote he would he would have to get almost 50 more percent of the latino vote to equal like you know i remember the number was minuscule obviously because the country's still like 68 white and that's what fucking trump did and uh meanwhile hillary just you know telling people she's got hot sauce in her fucking bag and putting on fake black accents and fucking latino accents and instead of treating us all like americans and catering to maybe the fucking white folks too they get up and go to work every day and support all these giant fucking entitlement programs that the dems love so much

yeah i try appealing to them because that's what trump did and this guy this uh tim ryan gets it he's and he's a likable dude and he's got giant mitts on him i was looking at him like a fucking tight end what's that got to do with this i don't know i just fucking said it shut it this a mistake of message uh in the Party? Is this Hillary Clinton? Is this everybody just not talking about economic issues in the way that you want them to talk about? I think mostly message, because if you look at the policies, I believe the Democratic Party still has the policies to help move us forward, the blend of public-private partnerships, the infrastructure, the investments in education and research. Those are things that we stand for and believe in and will continue to fight for.

But the reality of it is our message has been wrong. But we can't keep saying, oh, we got the message wrong. And so please forgive us. We've been getting the message wrong since 2010. We've got to get the message right. We've got to have the right messenger. And we've got to have someone who can not just go on msnbc but go on fox and fox business and cnbc and go into union halls and fish fries and churches all over the country and start a brush fire about what a new democratic party looks like did you hear that pelosi you know big wrinkled titted she's out of her fucking mind I laugh how they make Trump out to be nuts

and ever hear Nancy Pelosi talk for five minutes she's out of her fucking good I still say I would have loved to fuck her when she was in her even 30s is it odd that I find her attractive even in her 70s yes it is maybe I'm attracted to mental illness. I always like crazy broads.

Ones that you could tie to a ceiling fan and have them pee on you in a Red Roof Inn. What? You fucking heard me. Anyhow, I think she must have been a piece of ass. She was Miss, like, fucking Carburetor in 1977. I reported that earlier on my show, remember? One of the earlier shows. But this Tim Ryan guy's right.

He's the only guy making sense out there. That and Bernie's little quote, but Bernie's still way fucking off. He still has this communist wet dream that everybody's going to get free hand jobs in college and chocolate Easter bunnies. But this Tim Ryan guy gets it. He's like, enough of the identity fucking politics. Okay?

And he's like, look, we're the party of, you know, we're the party of California and New York. There's 48 other states there, you mamalooks. And as far as being the messenger being wrong, yeah. She was an unhealthy 70-year-old lady, power-grubbing fucking hardened criminal. Was she not? That's why you fucking lost.

And you blew it! Oh, did you ever. You blew it. And now they're looking at, we already talked about this, fucking that congressman Keith Ellis, Ellison? Ellis.

Keith Ellison from fucking Minnesota you know the Muslim the angry Muslim who is a Farrakhan Farrakhan fan that's who they're looking for to head up the DNC they're going even further left keep running motherfuckers keep running I don't know but this guy sounds like he gets it does he not is? Is Tim Ryan? I give you a thumbs up, Tim. How about that? I don't think I've ever said that. But, yeah, he seems to get it. So you Republicans, you better squelch his, do what you can to muffle him. Any he in a hat and a hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm.

Mm-mm, mm-mm. Yeah, but, yeah, Kellyanne Conway. I don't know. I think Trump's mad at her. That's the headline, but I yeah, Kellyanne Conway. I don't know. I think Trump's mad at her. That's the headline, but I didn't read it. I was busy watching the, you know, the ongoing breaking news about Ohio State shooting. Jesus Christ. It's unbelievable, folks, isn't it?

It's just, you get up every day. And I put the news on with that in the back of my mind every day. Going, what's happening now that I haven't watched the news for three minutes? But the Dems are just, I'm belly laughing. And the media, they haven't learned a thing. Fucking CNN is just absolute dog shit. By the way, they came in third last week. I don't even know how they're even in the running for anything.

But between them them you know crying and having a recount uh the fucking you know reporting hate crimes like you know like muslims are being left dead in the street everywhere such and the fake news thing that's the other thing oh it's the fake news it's's these Russian hackers with their fake news that influence. That's why Trump won. It might be that the votes in those three states, maybe there was some shenanigans there. If that's not it, it's the fake news, definitely. That's what gave Trump the win.

Oh, please fucking spare my balls that's the headline from the washington post which is what a piece of fucking garbage that that makes the new york times look like the new york post they are just like i said i've been to dc folks i've done comedy there it's it was my work the dc improv i think I did it twice. They were the most uptight, fucking elitist jackoffs. Every other person in the audience had those Janine Graff low glasses on, if they were women or men, just looking at me with a cocked head. Anything off color, they would clam up like the fucking fags that they are.

And I say that in a loving way. But that's the big story from the Washington Post. The flood of fake news this election season got support from a sophisticated Russian propaganda campaign that created and spread misleading articles online with the goal of punishing Democrat Hillary Clinton, helping Republican Donald Trump in undermining faith in American democracy, say independent researchers who track the operation. Really? Can you give the names of those people? I don't want the company name of the independent research company.

I want the fucking names. I want to know how they voted. I don't want to know where their relatives are, what kind of pets they have, and I want their home addresses. Russia's increasingly, this is again the article article sophisticated propaganda machinery including thousands of botnets teams of paid human trolls and networks of websites and social media accounts echoed and amplified right-wing sites across the internet as they portrayed clinton as a criminal hiding potentially fatal health problems and preparing to hand

control really they had to make that shit up really wiki leaks didn't tell us that all that's fucking true we don't know that for fact eat a bag of fucking dog cheese hiding potentially fatal health problems and preparing to hand control of the nation to a shadowy cabal of global financiers. The effort also sought to heighten the appearance of international tensions and promote fear of looming hostilities with nuclear-armed Russia. I thought Trump did that by being best friends with Putin. Two teams of independent researchers found that the Russians exploited American-made technology platforms to attack United States democracy at a particularly vulnerable moment

as an insurgent candidate, that would be Trump, folks, harnessed a wide range of grievances to claim the White House. The sophistication of the Russian tactics make complicated efforts by Facebook and Google to crack down on fake news as they have vowed to do after widespread complaints about the problem. Oh, so we're going to leave it up to Facebook and Google, two giant tech companies that we already know tried to squash conservative points of view on their piece of shit fucking Facebook

and on their websites, and we're going to let Zuckerberg and Google decide what's real news and what's fake. Already, two giant companies that were in the fucking, in the fucking, you know, the pockets of the Clinton administration

did everything they could do to get fucking Hillary elected. Twitter, we all know that they were crushing any conservative voices out there. And Facebook, with their logarithms, remember they're going to adjust those

because they actually admitted they had a conservative problem. Remember some conservatives high up on the ladder met with fucking Zuckerberg? But he's going to decide now. For now on, he's going to decide. People like him.

What's real news and what's fake news? Fuck off. Fuck off, please. I'm going to fucking smash his fucking face in. Unbelievable. So, yeah, let's let Google and Facebook decide what fake news is, even though we already know they fucking, you know, further to the left than Castro was. There's no way to know whether Russian campaign proved decisive in electing Trump, but researchers portray it as part of a broadly effective strategy.

Let's go back to that first. There's no way to know whether the Russian campaign proved decisive in electing Trump. Well, boy, the first 10 paragraphs of the story sounds like it's a done deal. You know exactly. So then you know what? I'm going to stop reading right here, you fucking asswipes. Nick, calm down.

There's no need to talk like that. Yes, there is. Yes, there is. That's why I have to adjust. I'm going to try Wellbutrin XL, somebody told me. What's that, an extra large pill? It's like the side of a throw pillow. Anything to stop my stomach.

I'm aborting triplets every morning. Back to the show. The tactics include penetrating the computers of election officials in several states and releasing troves of hacked emails that embarrass Clinton in the final months of her campaign. Yeah, that would be the WikiLeaks shit. Again, I think that's what they're talking about. If they're not, they should be because that was fact.

Was it not? But like I say, who gives a shit? Even if it's true, it makes up for Facebook trying to squash conservative points of view and Google and fucking Twitter. Okay? So you're going to play dirty?

We'll play dirty. All of a sudden, you know what? I like Farrakhan by any means necessary. I say WikiLeaks, that was the main... They were doing the mainstream media's job. So U.S. voters could make a fucking fair assessment of who should be the next president. What do you think of that take?

What do you think of that, you titless funders? Put that in your fucking... Dad, are you going to buy me a bun or not? Your tears are so yummy and sweet. Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness. Yummy. Yummy, Dad. Mm-hmm.

unfathomable sadness. Yummy. Yummy, yes. Yeah, so there was another group called Prop or Not, a nonpartisan. I love how they throw that word around too, nonpartisan, because their idea of what's nonpartisan isn't skewed. Another group, I mean, they call CNN nonpartisan,

these people. Prop or Not, a non-partisan i'm putting that in quotes collection of researchers with foreign policy military and technology backgrounds plan to release its own findings friday showing the startling reach and effectiveness of russian propaganda campaigns they can't let it go these motherless fucks. Proponaut's monitoring report, which was provided to the Washington Post in advance of its public release, identifies more than 200 websites as routine peddlers of Russian propaganda during the election season, with combined audiences of at least 15 million Americans. On Facebook, Proponaut estimates that stories planted or promoted by the disinformation campaign were viewed more than 213 million times.

And like I say, whatever it takes. And how many times were people like me squashed on Twitter? Can you count that? Do you have a number for that? Or Zuckerberg, because he admitted that they had a conservative problem. Those are his words, not mine. Can you quantify that damage? You fucking bags of lying horseshit. Cocaina.

Here's how you spot fake news, folks. This is how you spot it. You look for faces like Wolf Blitzer, Donna Brazeal, or Rachel Maddow, or fucking Lawrence O'Donnell. Okay, that's what you look for. If you see those faces, you're watching fake fucking news. That's what you're watching. Yeah. That's how I spot it.

Or if you hear, you know, if you're watching a TV show that's news in quotes and you hear shit like this. This is The Daily Show with John Stewart. Yeah. The most important television program ever. You hear that? That is the fucking definition of fake news. Now, I know what you're saying. Well, they admit it. Yeah, that's how they get away with it.

Jon Stewart used to constantly defend and go, we're not a real news team. Yet, fucking how many millennials said they got their news from Jon Stewart? And that didn't affect how they voted?

Or people even older than millennials, I should say. That's fake news. That's the definition of fake news. John Oliver. Even Seth Meyers' first 10 minutes.

That would be fucking fake news. And that reaches a lot of people too. Not as much as these nasty Russians who are so in the tank for Trump. Finally tonight on Make Nick Mad. Ooh, that would have been a fucking good title. And again, I'll remind you, yeah, the, what's it called? The Connect Pal site.

Go to personal comments or whatever. Is that what it's called? I can't remember. The part where I respond to you guys. If you want to send a few questions, I will be, maybe get to them this week. I don't know if it's tomorrow that I'll answer them or the next day or whatever. But also, I think I'll be on Jimmy and Sam, Jimmy Norton, Sam Roberts morning radio show

on Sirius on Wednesday. I just got a request for that. And I'm doing comedy tomorrow night in the city somewhere. And I will be armed. Anyways, back to the motherfucking show. Finally tonight, under the category of culture news, here we go. Teen makes history as first to wear burkini in American beauty pageant.

What the fuck is going on? A burkini. I tell you, I find that shit sexy. Don't you yeah a somali american teen has made history of she wore a burkini and a hijab when participating in the semi-final of the miss minnesota usa pageant how the fuck did minnesota the heartland of this country turn into this hotbed? Fucking couple Somalis showed up. I think Obama dropped them off in an Uber car. And then they had kids, and then they had kids, and then they had kids.

Now they have their own little nest. But yeah, she wore a bikini during a... I'm surprised she was allowed to be in the Miss Minnesota pageant, beauty pageant. Halima adin was met with rapturous applause by liberal jerk-offs who just don't get it when she stepped out on stage in a burkini during the swimsuit segment of the contest a burkini the 19 year old saying i'm not making fun of you honey just the burkini itself fucking it looks like something i'd wear if I was welding a trailer hitch onto my car.

The 19-year-old St. Cloud College student was born in a refugee camp in Kenya. Hey, who wasn't? Which borders Somalia and moved to Minnesota as a young child, where she opened an Orange Julius and became a millionaire and threw it. No. A burkini is a full-body wetsuit that covers the torso. Ooh, I'm getting hard already. Limbs and head,

and is worn by some Muslim women. The garment became the center of a controversial debate in France earlier this year after officials in at least six towns on the Mediterranean coast banned women from wearing it on beaches. Gotta love France. They like fucking hot pussy so much

they won't even let you cover it up on the beach. They're like, take off that suit of armor there, Ahmed. This pageant is so much more than just beauty. This is her speaking. Their whole message is about being confidently beautiful. So I didn't think I should allow my hijab to get in the way of me participating,

Aden told Minnesota Public Radio ahead of the competition. I think public radio needs a voice like me, don't you? This is a great platform, she says, to show the world who I am. Actually, it's just the opposite. It's not showing who you are. It's hiding who you are. Tits and stomach and ass are part of who you are.

This is America, for Christ's sake. Oh, the feminists are fucking bleeding right now from their eyes and their nose and everywhere else she says yeah to show the world who i am but a bikini shows who you really are jesus christ i get two words for you camel toe what just because i've never seen a woman wearing a bikini in a pageant it doesn't mean that i don't have to be the first aiden continued yeah it does that means exactly that uh what was her what was what did she do for her skill part of the pageant she oh she assembled a pressure cooker blindfolded what can you even say that that's

horrible nick you really shouldn't say that you you can't say shit like that you really shouldn't girl i'm gonna fucking smash his fucking face yeah try it indeed aiden's participation is particularly poignant given listen to this here's what again I'm going to fucking smash his fucking face in. Yeah, try it. Indeed, Aiden's participation is particularly poignant given, listen to this. Here's what, again, I didn't write the source down from this fucking article. Given the recent reports of, her participation, I'm getting excited, is particularly poignant. Given the recent reports of hate crimes directed towards American Muslims. Let me tell you something, folks. hate crimes directed towards American Muslims.

Let me tell you something, folks. If there was any American Muslim really being the victim of a hate crime, I mean any type of violence or spit on and shit, it would be all over. Trust me, it would be ABC, CBS, NBC, New York Times. It would be front page news. It's such dog shit. In the immediate aftermath of the U.S. presidential election, Muslim women expressed fears on social media about wearing the hijab in public. What absolute horseshit to spread shit.

Yeah, because Trump's going to be the president in January. You better take that off. What absolute dog shit. Recently, a Muslim woman at San Jose State University in Cali reportedly had her hijab ripped off her head. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So that, you know what? They're right.

This is out of control. I'd like to know more about that story. Aiden told NPR that she wanted to show people a different perspective through her participation. Hey, thanks. We have enough different perspectives. How about that? We just need one more thing to unify us, she says. This is a small act.

I love how naive and cute. This is a small act, but I feel like having the title of Miss Minnesota USA when you are a Somali-American, when you are a Muslim woman, I think that would open up people's eyes. We've already done that, okay? We've had, you know, fucking,

we've already done that. We've had Latino Miss Americas and we've already done that okay we've had you know fucking we've already done that we've had latino miss americas and and we've already broken that thing okay can i remind you fucks out there not you people not my subscribers uh whoever's gonna hear this um that this country is based literally based on having people come here from all over the world do you understand that was the fucking it's an experiment and nobody has tried it. So you can't call it racist anymore. After 200 plus years, get the fuck. Of course, there's always going to be some morons. But I love how they hold this country to a standard.

Unlike any other countries. It's just fucking laughable. And what place did she come in? How'd she do? Oh, sadly, she won't be progressing to the next round of the competition. Posting on Facebook on Sunday, the student said the contest had been such a fun experience

that she had been in it there with private messages of support. Well, good for you, but once again, if you wore the bikini, showed a little bit, you know, that's something we haven't seen over here, some Somali ass. Maybe you have the nicest ass, showed a little bit. You know, that's something we haven't seen over here. Some Somali ass. Maybe you have the nicest ass, I don't mean to be disrespectful, of Somali Americans. You know what I'm saying?

But you blew it. Because you would dress like Jacques Cousteau looking for sea turtles. Anyhow, folks, that's enough from me. I'd say that's enough from me. Wouldn't you say that's enough? I think it's enough. All right! Don't you say that's enough? I think it's enough. You stupid. All right. Cut.

Don't call me that. Sorry to blow your ears out. I had the mic halfway down my throat. That is it. Again, if you like the show, go to connectpal.com slash Nick. Connectpal.com slash Nick. And that is all I have for today. I will talk to you subscribers. Slashnick. And that is all I have for today.

I will talk to you subscribers. And again, like I said, send questions if you'd like. And I'll probably answer those. That's all I got. Date-wise. Oh, by the way. We're having like a Cyber Monday Christmas extravaganza sale at nickdip.com. All my CDs and whatever else uh or i don't know i forget what the percentage is off they're like five dollars though you can

get like a cd dv five dollars another sense of killing road rage uh raw nerve whatever it's a big sale at nickdip.com so go there cyber monday and i'll see you kids at newtown theater in newtown pennsylvania on december 8th which is a thursday night and then uncle vennie's in point pleasant new jersey on december 17th i've already started writing my new hour and uh boy it's not fun to do that but i'm trying folks i gotta do what i gotta do i thank you so much go to nickdip.com and get the rest of my tour dates and i'll see you out in the clubs no yeah oh fucking bitch yeah that's uncle jr saying that but uh i'll talk to you soon, kids. All right? Hey, hey, I saved the world today.

And everybody's happy now the bad things gone away. Everybody's happy now the bad things here stay. Give them a chance. Good day, everybody. To tell the bodies I clean all the blood guitar solo I'm out.