The Nick DiPaolo Show - 164 - More Excuses from the Left

Episode Date: December 13, 2016

More Excuses from the Left

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo podcast, the free version on Mondays. You can get that at riotcast.com. You can get it on iTunes. All for free, folks. Stitcher, other places. And if you like it, remember remember if you like the show which everybody does almost everybody i sound like trump almost everybody it's unbelievable uh go to connectpal.com slash nick connectpal.com slash nick you can subscribe get two to three more shows a week

for 3.99 a month that's a buck a week folks cheap. Put a lot of effort into these shows. I treat it like a radio show. Connectpal.com slash Nick if you want to subscribe to the DiPaolo podcast. And I got to thank Riotcast.com and Rob Sprantz. They have a bunch of killer podcasts on there, so check that out, too, so you can listen to it for free, then make the decision. And for you subscribers, people people already subscribed to the show don't forget uh when you contribute 40 or more you get a free hat uh 75 dollars more a hat and a t-shirt but uh you have to let me know if you want that stuff you're going to give me your address and what sizes you want as far as the t-shirts go otherwise i have

no way of reaching you so just keep that in mind kids all right contributors to the show financial contributors uh thank you uh thomas uh nocio that's the italian pronunciation or tom nocio however you want to say it thank you so much tommy and my buddy jonathan, once again, contributing to the show. The guy does not play around when it comes to Do Re Mi. How are you, folks? What else did I want to mention? Feels like I'm forgetting something.

Nickdip.com for all of my dates. Thank you so much, you people in Newtown that came out Thursday, Newtown Theater, Pennsylvania. One of my favorite gigs of the year. A beautiful little theater set in this rural town pennsylvania had a beautiful turnout and they were great they were absolutely i told the guy who booked i want to do this in the middle of the summer too if you'll have me back it was just perfect i pull in they go hey go down the alley to the right of the building and there's a garage uh there's a uh dirt parking lot behind there which i did parked me in one other car this is i'm all about convenience at

this point banged on the back door they let me in uh and just had a great time killer audience and uh yeah thanks james d benedetto at the comedy shop for putting that on and um anything else that i want to uh mention yeah i think that's about it for now um well it's the holiday seasons ladies and gentlemen it's the holiday season as you know and uh santa you know what i want for Christmas this year? What? A big fat cock. Oh. In my ass. Oh. Good to see Hillary out at the mall. But you know what? You can't say shit like that.

She's back in the news. Oh my God. Will you please go the fuck away? After that humiliating. She's still. She's out there speaking. I thought that was it for her. Are you kidding me?

How grotesque this need for power, this hunger she has. Do you believe it? She's crying about the fake news, and once again, the Dems have come up with another excuse on why she lost. I'll get to that in a few seconds,

but let's stay with the holiday cheer here on the show. Fucking Hillary, Jesus. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore. Oh, God. What a horrible time. fucking hillary jesus liar liar whore liar oh god what a horrible time unbelievable we are divided as can be and again i'll get to that and the lady's excuse why she lost and the mainstream media joining right in they're worse than ever they're doubling down on how they're doubling down on the very the very mo they used that helped them uh blow the election

they're doubling down on but before we get to that let's go to a a mall in uh texas some crazy pastor out that doesn't matter what his name is just out of his fucking gourd he goes to the mall and um of course he puts himself on facebook live or whatever youtube um it's just creepy that a pastor would do this um but he went to a mall where there was a santa claus and you know parents with their kids in a big long line so santa can uh they can kid can sit on santa's lap and whatnot but this pastor went there and showed up and started yelling out how you're lying to your kids. Right with the little kids there. Saying there is no...

Just a fucking... I don't know. Here's the audio of this fucking kook. Don't lie to your children and tell them there's such a thing as Santa when you know in reality that there are no flying reindeer. Bullshit!

I saw two in my yard. There is no elves making toys. Bullshit. You buy all the gifts and put them under the tree. Is that right? That's all the truth. And there is no real Santa Claus. There is no Santa.

It is not your place to lie to your children. Tell them the truth about Jesus Christ. Tell them the truth about what Christmas is all about. That it's about Jesus and it's not about Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus. There is no Santa Claus. It's about Jesus.

Tell them the truth. Yes, we do tell them the truth. Sir, don't put your hands on me. Go on. Quit talking to these men. Do you understand me? Keep your hands to yourself. I got my kids over there.

We don't need you coming over here blabbing whatever the hell you're blabbing. I'm telling them the truth. That there is no Santa Claus. Go. I'm not leaving. I'm not leaving. You need to keep your hands to yourself, sir. Don't put your hands on people.

Don't come over here talking your mess. And don't come over here and tell your children the truth that there is no Santa Claus. That's not a true decision for me to tell my kids what's the truth and what's not. You're a liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, and you know it. Yeah, and I agree.

I'm sorry, I agree with you. What's happened to this kind you know if this guy did this a few years ago this is because we live in such a litigious society but if 10 15 years ago some in texas some one of the fathers of the kids would have popped him right in the mouth and busted his fucking chops you know i mean and i saw sorry i agree with the parents here that uh yeah it's up to the parents whether they want to tell the kids that Santa is fake or not. This fucking guy.

You hear how everybody's so afraid now? You can't be talking your mess over here. It's up to my. It is. It's up to the. It's up to the parents to let the kids. I mean, can you imagine little kids right there? You're just

ruining their innocence what a dick i'm not a big religious guy as you know even though i have this reputation for being a right winger which throws you into the you know religious category but uh what a cheese dick somebody should have popped them in the chops but if you do that then what happens right then you're sitting on your lawyer's lap telling him what you want for a plea um what an ass but between that and this girl at the mall saying this i mean what's happening in this country in my ass what the fuck oh god help us i remember how i found out there was no santa and it was a christmas eve i was probably like a 10 10 or 28 i can't remember but my cousin johnny was wrestling we're in my

parents room and he was like he threw me against his wall and i i sort of i i banged face first into this dresser it came off the ground a, and I saw a corner of gifts sticking out from behind the dresser. And it said, from Santa on the tags. And that bursted my bubble. And boy, was I upset. No, I wasn't actually. My cousin Johnny was like, what are you fucking, you didn't know that, you asshole?

And I'm like, hey, hey, hey. I'm 10, for Christ's sake. Next you're going to tell me that Len Dawson didn't bet on his own games when he's the quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs. True story. Anyways, but what a dick, huh? What would you do if you were a parent there? I would have told the guy to fuck off, too.

I would have drowned him in one of those penny fountains at the mall. But can you imagine? What an asswipe. Just, I don't know. I thought that was kind of dog shit. You know what I mean? Let the kids have a little fun. Because by the time they're in first and second grade, they'll be indoctrinated about how, you know, the right is evil and Republicans are bad and all that shit. They get that like in first grade now.

They hand out pamphlets about AIDS and shit. Kids can't be kids. Another example. Just let the kids be kids. Let them have a few years of fakeness, could you? Anyhow, any he. I thought that was pretty mean, yet kind of funny on some level

that this asshole would do that. We don't need you talking your mess over here. Should have choked him out. Anyhow, what is the fucking latest? The latest is, oh my God, the Democrats are just imploding. They are panicking because they realize they have no bench. They have no future in this country politically. And they are just, they don't know what to do.

And that Trump is doing his thank you tour and they're just all over the news this weekend with russia intentionally intentionally busted into the dnc and they're saying the rnc depending who you believe and they chose the dnc's email which is total horseshit to help uh put trump in office that's what they're. And it's just so funny to see the left's doing this. Remember when Barack Obama said this to Mitt Romney in a debate? What's the biggest geopolitical threat facing America? You said Russia, not Al Qaeda. You said Russia in the 1980s are now calling to ask for their foreign policy back because

the Cold War has been over for 20 years. Russia, I indicated, is a geopolitical foe. Excuse me. It's a geopolitical foe. And I said in the same paragraph, I said, Iran is the greatest national security threat we face. Russia does continue to battle us in the U.N. time and time again. I have clear eyes on this.

I'm not going to wear rose-colored glasses when it comes to Russia or Mr. Putin. Mr.ama making an ass of himself uh-oh retard alert and now retard alert him claiming then was no that was so silly to say that they were a threat and now he's out there crying with the rest of them oh and again there's all kinds of mixed information come out of it. It's just another fucking excuse. First, it was a white supremacist. Then it was fake news. Now it's this.

Embarrassing. And fucking embarrassing. Rince Priebus was on with the Greek midget George Stephanopoulos on the Sunday morning show. And they were talking about this. And here's Rince Priebus, his take on the whole situation. Let's begin with that shot across the bow of the CIA from your transition. It kind of startled intelligence officials. How is a President Trump going to work with intelligence agencies if he doesn't trust their work?

Well, he trusts the CIA. Look, George, this is about 17 or so unnamed agencies in an unnamed report that based a report on something that is totally false. The RNC was not hacked. And so the report is basically trying to make the case that the RNC was hacked, the DNC was hacked. Fucking liars. And the only emails that came out were DNC emails. So therefore, this is the conclusive report that the Russians or whoever was doing the hacking.

You say you trust the CIA. Then why did your state, then why did your transition, hold on a second. Of course we do. Well then why did you put out a statement questioning the CIA? The report was, excuse me, George, the entire report is based on unnamed sources. Why is that? Who are perhaps doing something they shouldn't be doing by speaking to reporters or someone talking out of line about something that is absolutely not true.

The FBI had came, we contacted the FBI months ago when the DNC issue came about. They've reviewed all of our systems. We have hacking detection systems in place. And the conclusion was then, as it was again two days ago when we went back to the FBI to ask them about this, that the RNC was not hacked. So here we are now debating and talking about a story based on something that isn't true. And we're just in this circuitous fiasco about something that's not true. That's only one element of the story. I mean, perhaps the FBI told you the RNC wasn't hacked. But do you know where all of your data was stored?

It could have been stored in other archives. Yeah, it wasn't on a server in somebody's basement, you fucking midget. I have the conclusion that some of your data was indeed hacked, perhaps personal Gmail accounts. No, no proof of that. of your data was indeed hacked, perhaps personal Gmail accounts. No, no proof of that. I'm telling you as an actual source to you and the press, because you have no source otherwise, other than an unnamed source that also concluded that everything else was inconclusive. I'm telling you as a source that to the best of my knowledge and based on conversations

that the RNC has had with the FBI, that I know of no instance that you're describing involving the RNC or the RNC's data. So it's hard for me to have a conversation about something that I have no evidence to the contrary to talk about. Do you know where all your data was stored? What the fuck? We know where our data is stored, George. Of course they do. We do. And we have reviewed all of that data along with security experts, along with folks at the FBI. And they've told us that we have not been hacked. And when the story hit in the New York Times, our folks went back to, not me personally, our chief operating officer, went back to his contact at the FBI

and again was assured that we were not hacked. So I, you know, talking about this story, which by the way, the story itself said was inconclusive. It's, it's, I don't know what to tell you. It is unbelievable that the press would run with no it isn't very believable about something that they agree was inconclusive but ignore the fact that the actual people involved on the other side of this story are telling you it's not true this comes on the heels yeah it comes on your heels speaking of heels he has lifts in his shoes what a big dink either way even let's say we'll get into it a little further because there's all kinds of conflicting points.

The FBI, by the way, saying they don't agree with the CIA's conclusion. So there's infighting and no new evidence has come forward since the fucking election. Isn't it funny? The timing on this is all after, you know, Trump's doing his victory laps. They're like, we got to come up with something. There's no new evidence since the fucking election that the Russians hacked into the... Either way, even if that is the case, you know what? It was the Democrats. It was you

who got hacked into. You got hacked into. Okay? Proving what? Incompetence. The Obama administration was incompetent. The fucking Russians didn't put a

server in hillary's basement the the russians didn't come up with a story blaming the uh you know the fucking libya crisis uh on a fucking video ah come onute horseshit. And you blew it. Yeah. You blew it. Just fucking admit it. You know how I look at this, folks? This is how I look at it. And by the way, Julian Assange, WikiLeaks guy, is still saying the Russians didn't do this. Whatever you want to fucking believe, even if they did, doesn't fucking matter.

What the left is arguing is that you shouldn't have all the information about a candidate who's running for the presidency of the United States. They're actually saying that you shouldn't have all the information. That's how do you make that fucking argument? Who cares how we got it? The way I look at it, you know, WikiLeaks was doing. They did the mainstream media's job in this country. That's how I looked at WikiLeaks as the mainstream media. They were doing what the stupid idiots, the leftist media in this country that's how i i looked at wiki leaks as the mainstream media they were doing

what the stupid idiots the leftist media in this country wouldn't do exposing these fucking liars for the lies that they were and hillary was the worst candidate and democrats have said this that they put up ever so uh she had nothing in common with anybody and she was incompetent she was fucking old she didn't go to key states she was lazy, like Wisconsin near the end of the race. Okay, none of that has to do with Russia. So whatever you want to believe, which this is unbelievable. It is so ironic when Trump said I wouldn't accept the findings. Remember the shitty car?

It's just unbelievable what's going on. And this is so bad for the country because they're just trying to delegitimize trump's uh win that's all they're trying to do and the idiots on the left who voted for that slob they're going to be more than glad to grab onto this theory and just use it as a not to respect him not my president blah blah blah How fucking sad. How sad. What did Donald have to say, by the way? He was at the Army Navy game. Guy Bell, I just laughed, man, even with his victory, too. I'm cracking up at how relaxed this guy is, and they're shitting his pants because he's not getting daily briefings, and this is what change looks like, folks.

This is what change looks like when you want to change the culture in D.C., bringing an outsider. This is what it looks like. Don't panic like a bunch of bitches. Come on. But this is Donald Trump himself talking about this with Chris Wallace. The CIA has concluded that Russia intervened in the election to help you win the presidency. Your reaction? I think it's ridiculous. imposed the CIA has concluded that Russia intervened in the election to help you win the presidency your reaction I think is ridiculous I think

it's just another excuse I don't believe it I don't know why and I think it's just you know they talked about all sorts of things every week it's another excuse we had a massive landslide victory, as you know, in the electoral college. I guess the final numbers are now at 306, and she's down to a very low number. No, I don't believe that at all. You say you don't know why. Do you think that the CIA is trying to overturn the results of the election or somehow to weaken you in office? Well, if you look at the story and you take a look at what they said, there's great confusion.

Nobody really knows. And hacking is very interesting. Once they hack, if you don't catch them in the act, you're not going to catch them. They have no idea if it's Russia or China or somebody. It could be somebody sitting in a bed someplace. I mean, they have no idea. So why would the CIA put out the story that the Russians wanted you to win? Well, I'm not sure they put it out. I think the Democrats are putting it out because they suffered one of the greatest defeats in the history of politics in this country. Bingo. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. We have a winner. I think they're putting it out, and it's ridiculous. We ought to get back to making America great again, which is what we're going to do.

And we've already started the process. You've said repeatedly you don't. Mr. Trump, please stop saying it was a landslide. The Electoral College was it wasn't. It was like one of the it was in the top 10 as far as closest electoral victory. So people who handle Trump, could you please correct them on that? That's a little irritating, but he's right about the bigger picture. It's the fucking media and the dicks like John Podesta. This is the this is fake news.

They're creating their own fake news, which they were just whining about last week. Oh, my goodness. The Trump transition team dismissed the findings in a short statement last Friday. They said these are the same people that said Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. Yeah, checkmate. The CIA shared its latest assessment with key senators in a closed-door briefing

on Capitol Hill last week. Agency briefers told the senators it was now quite clear that electing Trump was Russia's goal, according to the officials who spoke on the conditions of anonymity to discuss intelligence matters. Why?

Why are you going to do it anonymously? Talk to us. Who are you? The CIA presentation to senators about Russia's intentions fell short of a formal U.S. assessment produced by all 17 intelligence agencies. A senior U.S. official said there were minor disagreements. Oh, here we go. Minor disagreements among intelligence officials about the agency's assessment, in part because some questions remain unanswered.

Oh, let's just gloss over that. Some of the FBI people are saying the CIA is wrong when it comes to this shit. And Julian Assange, founder of WikiLeaks, has said in television interview, after television interview, the Russian government is not the source of his information. So, I mean, holy moly. And like I said, regardless, regardless, you're the ones who let your fucking computers be hacked into. So, you know, incompetence, whatever.

Finally, there's some adults, and they're all in a tizzy about Rex Tillerson, the guy, the head of mobile, becoming maybe Secretary of State. They're all shitting their pants over rex tillerson the guy they had of mobile becoming maybe secretary of state they're all shitting their pants over that too ah ah in previous assessments the cia and other intelligence agencies told the white house and congressional leaders that they believed moscow's name was to undermine confidence in the u.s electoral system but now they've changed their minds.

See, before they came within inches of saying it was the Russians' goal to help get Trump elected. But now they're coming right out and saying it because you know why? They're grasping at straws. They're desperate. They have the lowest representation in the United States government. They only have five states where they have governors and control the legislative system in those states.

Only five. In other words, they're tapped. They'll do anything. But this is really, you talk about bad for the country. This is fucking horrible for the country. It really is. It's's fucking it's sad it really is on a monday senator major leader this is me doing mitch mcconnell he has no chance pledged to support a congressional investigation whether russian hacking affected the 2016 election republicans have nothing to fear from such investigation because they won the election

fair and square so like i said first it was russian hackers then it was white supremacists now it's fucking fake news hey do you guys remember the first time you heard the term fake news i do this is i remember the first time i heard it it's been around a while and uh oddly enough it came from my boy uh norm mcdonald weekend update with norm mcdonald Remember? Thanks. I'm Norm MacDonald. And now the fake news.

Now the fake news. Hillary Clinton on Breitbart. This guy named Pollack wrote a great article on Breitbart. Ten reasons. Ten ways the CIA's Russian Hacking Story is Left-Wing Fake News. Number one, he says there's actually no new information leading the CIA to its conclusions. And he got that the New York Times says, in quotes, the CIA's conclusion does not appear to be the product of specific new intelligence obtained since the election. The CIA's conclusion does not appear to be the product of specific new intelligence obtained since the election. Number two, he says, the FBI also disagrees.

The evidence that the CIA has gathered is inconclusive. FBI and CIA gave lawmakers differing accounts on Russia's motives. Number three, the CIA is not making public claims that Russia hacked into the election. Several CIA veterans, in fact, have urged caution about the leaked reports. As Newsweek reports, I am not saying that I don't think Russia did this. Nada Bakos, a top former CIA counterterrorism officer, tells Newsweek in a typical comment, my main concern is that we will rush to judgment. The analysis needs to be cohesive and done the right way.

Reason number four, despite left-wing fake news, there is no evidence Russian hackers actually distorted the voting process. There is zero evidence Russian hackers messed with voting. The most that the CIA is alleging is that the Russians may have helped hack of the Democratic National Committee's emails, is alleging is that the Russians may have helped hack of the Democratic National Committee's emails as well as possibly the emails of Hillary Clinton campaign director Podesta another creepy fella uh another reason they say this is baloney the Obama administration has a history of manipulating intelligence for political gain and then they go on to list uh the most underreported scandal of Obama's presidency

was the CENTCOM scandal in which it emerged that senior U.S. Central Command leaders manipulated intelligence assessments in 2014 and 2015 to make it appear that President Obama is winning the war against the Islamic State. Number six, Julian Assange has vigorously denied the Russians were involved. Number seven, the fact that Russians might constantly be trying to hack U.S. systems and might even specifically have targeted the election does not prove that they succeeded. And it goes on and on and on. And they're all good, legitimate reasons.

But I think the most important one is nothing new has come out since the election itself so they you know they had to come up with something what the fuck ever but i'm just saying you're right they know what they're doing they're undermining his presidency it's going to be ugly it's going to be fucking ugly don't you think so? Oh, sure. Again, go to connectpal.com slash Nick, connectpal.com slash Nick to subscribe to the podcast, which is growing like Hillary's ankles. Ladies and gentlemen, sign up. What the hell else? What the hell else? You remember how right after the election, after Trump's win, the mainstream media, especially there was an editor from the New York Times who went on Tucker Carlson's show, his new show, and said that she was getting a lot of complaints from liberal subscribers to the New York Times.

They were even upset at how biased the coverage was. And then she said they were going to change their tune at the New York Times. They were even upset at how biased the coverage was. And then she said they were going to change their tune at the New York Times. And, you know, she seemed very convincing. It seemed like she was... I want all of you to... It sounds like she was... Sorry. She was being sincere, but turns out...

Like I said, they're going even further in the tank. The media. New York Times headline from the Daily Call. A New York Times hires reporter who sent stories to Clinton staffers for approval. Jesus Christ. They haven't changed in England. Yes. Yes, you fucks. No fucking way. No fucking way. No fucking way. No fucking no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yes. No, no, no, no. Yes, you fucks.

No fucking way, no fucking way. No fucking way, no fucking way, mate. Yeah. The public editor following Trump's win, the New York Times public editor wrote, the paper will be making a conscious effort not to be an echo chamber of liberal intellectualism. The Huffington Post reported Monday that politicalist Glenn Thrush,

who was exposed in WikiLeaks emails sending stories to Hillary Clinton staffers before publication, will be joining where? Guess what? The New York Times. To cover the White House. You fucking... What a fucking... Oh my God, she sat there with a straight face. We're thrilled that Glenn Thrush is joining the Times. Elizabeth Bum-Miller, the New York Times Washington bureau chief, told the HuffPost.

While Bum-Miller described Thrush as a premier political journalist, in one email to Hillary Clinton's campaign chairman John Podesta, Thrush chose to describe himself as a fucking hack. I put the fucking in there for emphasis. He called himself a hack? No worries, because I have become a hack. I will send you the whole section that pertains to you, Thrush wrote to Podesta in April of 2015 in an email. Please don't share or tell anyone I did this.

Tell me if I fucked up anything. This is who the Times just hired. Oh, my God. And you wonder why Trump sits there in his underwear and tweets to talk to us and doesn't go through these suckers of Satan's pee-pee hole. Clinton's campaign manager, Jennifer Palmieri, also got to look over Thrush's writing. In another April 2015 email, Thrush wrote, please read as soon as possible. The Jennifer Palmieri bits don't share. This email

included eight paragraphs of uncritical writing on Palmieri. Palmieri forwarded Thrush's email to Podesta and campaign manager Robbie Mook, among other staffers, and said, he did me courtesy of sending what he's going to say about me. Seems fine. Okay? Even with all this evidence that this guy's a biased fucking hack,

the Times just hired him. Oh my God. You'd find the more fair and balanced journalism in venezuela or cuva the portions thrush email to palmieri ended up mostly unchanged in the column it was called quiet please hillary's running the story includes the line palmieri enjoys a good relationship with the reporters can you fucking imagine the wiki leaks release of podesta's emails also revealed a political bias from thrush and in august 2015 email chain the political reporter asked podesta if he had seen a report that clinton had secured the support of more than 400 superdelegates and if their report is true. Podesta responded, yes, and Thrush said, get this, I'm glad!

Exclamation point. You filthy fucking... Monetto! Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, Monetto! A-S-S-H-O-L-E, everybody, A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody A-S-S-H-O-L-E A-S-S-H-O-L-E A-S-S-H-O-L-E

A liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, and you know it. What up? Leaked emails, though, aren't necessary to see what thrush really thinks about politics on twitter the new white house reporter for the new york times seemed to suggest president-elect donald trump is a racist thrush wrote exactly in quotes when retweeting someone who wrote in quotes so black people are to blame because they oppose a racist it's the voters fault and not the candidates? Okay. And Thrush replied,

exactly. New York needs a real douching between the newspapers and just the Upper West Side. It is just a bastion of horseshit. It's like living on a goddamn college campus. During Trump's speech accepting the Republican nomination, Thrush wrote, your assessment of the quality of Trump's speech is entirely dependent on how low you set the bar.

What a pompous, he fits in perfectly over there. So this is just proof that nothing has changed in come Guzzlerville, the New York Times. Then in September, if that wasn't enough for you, he said, Dems having a hard time accepting a clear majority of white americans are aware of trump's racist xenophobic comments and back him anyway see that's not your call to make fuck face and that goes for everybody anybody who points to anybody and goes racist bigot islamophobic that's not you can't call what's in people's hearts and you think you would have learned that from the election, but apparently you haven't, which is good news for us. We're going to be controlling the politics and it's going to be the next thousand fucking years.

Like it's not evidence enough that every black and brown person all over the globe is trying to sneak in here. That's not proof enough to the New York Times and liberal douchebags that this country isn't racist, but just stay on that path. Keep hiring guys like this at the Times and enjoy yourselves. I got another theory.

Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness. Yummy. Yummy, you guys. It is fucking they are melting down like the witch and the wizard of oz they don't know which way to go is it because it's white supremacist or we don't know there's a thousand excuses out there nobody's buying any of them except for the new york times how can you guys watch CNN after knowing Donna Brazile

and her relationship with them and having the questions of the debate before how the fuck can you still turn on that sewer it's priceless isn't it and the president saying

it's because Fox News is on in every restaurant and bar. That's why, that was another excuse why Hillary lost. Although, you know what? It seems every time I get on a plane, which is a lot of times for the last 25 years, I have Wolf Blitz's fat, ugly, fucking gray bearded face yelling at me before I board my plane

in every goddamn airport in America. But anyhow, I guess you have to go Dave and Buster's to hear Fox News. Oh, God help us. Here's my theory. And I brought this up to Colin Quinn. I said, here's my, I'd like to know how many people on the left that vote Democrat, that liberal, how many played sports as kids? Seems like none of them.

When you look at how they handled this big loss in the election, they are really, really just, I don't want to say sore losers because I'm a sore loser, but I'm just saying, they take it to a whole new level. Chris Cuomo. Another chooch.

And then you had that guy, Tim Ryan, like I said, out of Ohioio the democrat who was making sense he noticed it he said we gotta quit playing identity politics and using the same stupid playbook and then fucking harry reed that sucker of uh young boys asses i joke and um he had a parting comment he's supposed to go away too, right? Isn't he retiring? But he said it too. Something about fucking the Russians getting Trump elected.

And I forget what the exact quote was. I was so disgusted by it. I wiped my ass with it. After having three plates of lasagna and two kale smoothies. Back to the show I don't know your tears are so yummy and sweet oh the tears of unfathomable sadness yummy yummy you guys

hey come see me uh Uncle Vinny's this Saturday night I believe I thought it was like next week time's just ripping through man I can't slow it down Uncle Vinny's, this Saturday night, I believe. I thought it was like next week. Time's just ripping through, man. I can't slow it down. Uncle Vinny's, Point Pleasant, New Jersey, this Saturday night. Come on down.

They actually turned it into a decent comedy room. Got to work on the sound system. But if you're in the area, I don't know why you would be on the Jersey Shore in the summer. But people live down there. And it was packed the last time. And let's do it again. I need the cashish. Cocaina. All right, what else we got? Oh, I took a call from my mom right before I came on the air here, and do you have elderly parents? I'm writing a bit about it. I hesitate to call home because when I call home talking to my mom, it's like obituary hotline, I said. She starts rattling off everybody that's died within 40 miles where I grew up in the last 10 years.

And a lot of them are my parents' friends. These are people I remember. You know, I love these people. They were in their 40s and they bought me ice creams and they were my Little League coaches and they're passing away left in fucking... My mother sounds like Belushi at the end of Animal House. Niedermeyer, dead.

Consoli, dead. Carnivore, dead. Johnson, dead. Really, I just, I know I'm digressing here, but it's creepy. I'm on deck. My generation is on deck, as I like to say. But it's just fucking, sometimes it scares the shit out of me other times I'm like whatever

we all gotta face it some days I like to face it sooner than other days but Jesus Christ these are people that I knew as teenagers and watched them sit in my parents house having dinner

and it is really whatever Sit in my parents' house having dinner and... Ay-yi-yi. It is really... Whatever. Connectpal.com slash Nick to subscribe to the show, folks. What do we got here? Hmm. More nonsense going on on campus. We got...

This is unbelievable. Students at the University of Pennsylvania. that's the U of Penn, one of the best Ivy League schools in the nation. That's where Noam Dwarman, the owner of the Comedy Cellar, son of late, great Monachum Dwarman, owner of the Comedy Cellar, his son went to UPenn. But leans right in his politics, which makes me fucking love him. But he did not vote for Trump. Remember he said that when I had him on the radio? Anyways, University of Pennsylvania, the students there removed a portrait of Shakespeare from a prominent location in the school's English department

after complaining that he did not represent a diverse range of writers. Well, he wasn't supposed to represent a diverse range of writers. Well, he wasn't supposed to represent a diverse range of writers. How deep does this fucking mental illness run? We sing of freedom and equality. Yeah. But we really don't care. We just want money, money, money.

In fact, the chair of the department confirmed in a statement that the portrait was stripped from the wall by his students as a way of affirming their commitment to a more inclusive mission for the English department. A little music for the story. We killed the white people. A little music for the story. Kill the white people. Eddie Murphy. Not only are they going to kill the white people, but they're going to strip us of, what, any history of white people in this country?

This is fucking precious. Do you guys see the irony in tearing down a picture of a white guy? This case being Shakespeare in the name of diversity. Did anybody see the irony in that? That's how fucking retarded these kids are. And this is you, Penn. These aren't dummies.

But of course, like I said while I was playing that song, the chair of the department is actually backing this move. Tearing down a white face because it's not inclusive. How fucking... And you know who did it um i'll give you more information additionally department chair jed esty he's a spineless one explained that the portrait was delivered to his office and replaced with a photograph of audrey lord a celebrated african African-American feminist and author and lesbian, I believe, in a move that was intended to send a message to Esty,

whose department agreed to replace the portrait several years ago. Esty went on to confirm that the portrait of Lorde will remain in Shakespeare's place until he and his colleagues can reach an agreement on what to do next. How about standing up, you fucking spineless white pussy, and telling those kids to fuck off? Because a black lesbian poet, she represents pretty much everybody's point of view, right?

Get the fuck out of here. Announcing the establishment of a working group to help monitor the process. Oh, my God. Go, Trump, go. By the way, Audre Lorde was an African-American writer, feminist, womanist. What the fuck is a womanist? How is that different than a feminist?

What, she doesn't have a 5 o'clock shadow and fucking a back like Arnold Schwarzenegger? She was a lesbian, a civil rights activist. Oh, yeah. I think every American can relate to her. like Arnold Schwarzenegger. She was a lesbian, a civil rights activist. Oh, yeah. I think every American can relate to her. As a poet, she's best known for technical mastery and emotional expression, particularly in her poems, as opposed to what?

Her fucking top ten hits in the 70s? Get... She was born in Harlem. 1934. Anyhow, she did have one quote that I do like, but I don't even think she sees other people today see. She says, it's not our differences that divide us. It's our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences. And to celebrate those differences, that would be an example of that would be like wearing a sombrero on Cinco de Mayo on a college campus. That would be an example of celebrating our differences and cultures and shit.

But see, the left shuts that down as racist and appropriating somebody else's ethnicity. And yeah, celebrate our differences, which we're not allowed to do anymore because of the far left to, you know, joke about each other's ethnicities or race. That's just, you know. So, but I like that quote. It's not our differences that divide us. It's our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.

To me, one side is recognizing and accepting that. And the side that's all for toleration, supposedly, and a colorblind society. They're the ones, ironically, not accepting that. So even she would probably be disappointed at how these jerk-offs on the college campuses are reacting when it comes to race and ethnicity. Actually, Colin said that on Tough Crowd about, yeah, let's celebrate diversity without pointing out our differences. Maybe he read her. I know he has a long list of black poets in his bedroom.

What? Anyhow, any he. So depressing. So depressing. The results of this. And of course, wait a minute, let me grab that article. I threw it away. Kill the white man.

Of course, according to a statement released by the school's English department, the working group will help declare and defend its departmental mission in the current political climate, whatever the fuck that means. With Esty noting that the group will initiate an open and collaborative conversation among students faculty and employees in english to come up with ideas for that public space well just put up i don't know why don't you put up a picture of drake or something you know because he's like uh i don't know what he is he's kind of biracial isn't he or is he a white canadian who thinks he's black whatever you know take down take down uh yeah you know shakespeare because he's obviously just fucking represents a

horrible thing and put up drake or fucking miley cyrus something you jerk offs can relate to everything you notice everything we'll have a meeting we'll set up a committee this is what they do the jerk offs they don't get anything done and it's why trump got elected we will initiate an open and collaborative oh yeah i'm sure that'll be an open conversation i'm sure the white students will have just as much of a say in what goes up as the the black lesbians do what a fucking what a mess this country is paid tenfold for slavery, by the way, with all this talk. And believe me, majority of black people feel the same way. They're tired of it too.

But yeah, let's let a black lesbian poet. Everybody can relate to her. Put that picture up there. And let me tell you, if they put a picture of her up there, then some black student will sneak in and draw a swastika or spray paint a noose around the neck and then blame it on Whitey.

That's the climate you've created. Notably, I'll throw this in, the school's code of student conduct explicitly prohibits students from stealing, damaging, defacing, or misusing the property or facilities of the university or of others okay so what happened to her what happened to the people that tore it down i'm guessing students of color i'm going out i want to know did they get caught did they get punished what a fucking what a sad state of affairs

and and you remember earlier and early episodes on this show, we talked about Princeton, the campus, Princeton campus. They're trying to scrub any reference to Woodrow Wilson. And Yale is trying to do it with Calhoun, who they said was a racist. And, you know, this is hilarious. You know who else destroys, tries to destroy the histories of countries and cultures? ISIS. When they go into Iraq and they break all those 2,000-year-old sculptures and shit.

Nice to know that the left, the academia left, have the same instincts as ISIS and vice versa. Yeah, people are crazy. Kill the white man. Kill the fucking white man. I'm an asshole. I'm an asshole. I'm an asshole. I'm an asshole.

Uh-oh. Free card alert. Free card alert. S-H-O-L-E. Everybody. S-H-O-L-E. I'm out also. E-O, E-O, U.

And you blew it. You blew it. You blew it. I feel like I'm forgetting something to tell you. I don't know what it is. What the hell do I want to tell you? I can't remember. Oh, yeah, the Red Sox, since I talked to you last,

signed the biggest acquisition of the offseason that everybody wanted. Chris Sale, left-handed pitcher from the White Sox. I think he's a lefty, isn't he? So now we have Sale, the best pitcher in baseball, as our number one. David Price, former Cy Young winner, I think. Number two, Porcello, who won the Cy Young this year, as our third, or you can switch those two, whatever. How's that?

And we get Chris Moreland. Chris Moreland. A good first baseman, good defensive first baseman from Texas, I think it was. I believe. Texas, I believe. But anyways, ooh, ooh. I I believe. Texas, I believe. But anyways, ooh, ooh. I still say

we need one more bat. I want Encarnacion, but I think we blew our load money-wise on Chris Sale. So watch out. Everybody, even the New York papers, have the Sox winning. But, that being said, the Yankees

have supposedly now the best farm system. I don't know how that happened. They were just saying they had nothing. I digress from the news. Back to the news. Let's lighten it up a little. Three Nebraska high school students are facing criminal charges after mixing their semen into frosting that was later spread on a turnover that was consumed by their home economics teacher. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Are you shitting me? These fucking little. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So enjoy. I want all of you to enjoy your cake. So enjoy. so enjoy the violence and it occurred thursday at west side high school in omaha and involved a trio of freshmen ages 14 and 15 can you fucking imagine how delicious that must have been i mean yummy yum what

kanye west wants the recipe he said. And according to the police, the suspects excused themselves. Listen to this. From a family and consumer science class. What the fuck is a family and consumer science class? They went at various times to the bathroom. Cops alleged that after masturbating into containers. Hey, who hasn't done that? Check my wife's Tupperware.

The boys returned to the classroom. The suspects then mixed the ejaculate into frosting that they subsequently applied to turnovers that had been baked in class. Investigators say that the teacher consumed part of a tainted turnover as she went through the classroom and sampled her students' creations. Oh, goodness gracious. And you blew it! You blew it! Oh, goodness gracious. And you blew it!

You blew it! The 58-year-old teacher later learned of the tainted frosting when another student reported overhearing the suspects discussing their plan. Oh, God. School officials subsequently summoned police, who questioned each suspect, Jesus Christ, and seized the individual frosting containers. Jesus Christ and seize the individual frosting containers.

According to cops, all three boys confessed to planning to mix the bodily flows into the frosting, which they wanted the victim to taste. I wonder if they've just been mean or... While the two students reportedly admitted to placing their jizz in the frosting,

the third suspect claimed not to have followed through with the repulsive plot. What a pussy! No, I'm just kidding. each student has been charged with a misdemeanor that will be prosecuted in juvenile court i wonder what the punishment's going to be the trio will also face unspecified school disciplinary measures the uh teacher burped and, they were just fucking around. In a statement, the local school district said, we offer our complete support to the staff member involved.

Adding that, we sent her a bottle of mouthwash and two boxes of Tic Tac. What? This incident is not indicative of Westside High School. Imagine if it was. Oh, this shit goes on all the time at Westside High. You want to taste a little jizz? Come to our cafeteria on Friday.

We have the jizz-flavored fish sticks. Of course it doesn't represent what goes on there, hopefully. Or any of our schools. Environments that promote respect for all of our staff members and students. There's got to be a gay fella on the staff. They could have done that, too to and had a good laugh. That poor lady. Can you imagine?

I want a quote from her. They got a D minus. She said the frosting was a little, a little heavy on salt and the kids were upset. But what are you going to do? I saw a guy stick his penis into a turkey carcass once

at my paternity. Luckily, everybody had been done eating and I won't say who it was, but he was a nose guard. Anyhow, finally tonight, let me answer a few questions that you guys had sent in that I had asked for and I forgot about. Here we go. Got a question. had sent in that I had asked for and I forgot about. I'm an asshole! Yo, yo! Here we go. Got a question. Nick, smoking, weed, masturbation, slash porn and Trump jokes.

That's all I hear from young comics at open mic night. Every fucking week in capital letters, my friend says. Everyone just talks about jerking off and getting high and saying Trump is dumb. I do open mic sometimes, but I want to sign up next time just to call out these hacks

because it's becoming more and more redundant. Weed and Trump jokes are too easy. Anyone can do them. Got any advice on how to address this on stage? Thanks, bud. Forgot to write your name down, pal. Yeah, you don't address it on stage, okay? That's bad etiquette, comedy-wise. You don't comment on what the comics okay? That's bad etiquette comedy-wise.

You don't comment on what the comic's on stage before you did or whatever. Unless, you know, one of them's a fucking puppeteer and he's juggling eggs on a unicycle, and when you walk up there, you step on eggs, then you can call him a fuck. But, yeah, that's kind of an unwritten rule. You don't address what other comics you don't criticize, whatever.

But you can, after the show, if you want to, you know, go up to them and go, Hey, what the fuck guys? But again,

this is open mic level shit. So that's kind of to be expected. And as far as the Trump material, yeah, you're going to hear that shit around here. And because they think they're in show business, these guys, and they know show biz,

I don't know. I think, I think I wanted to say you're from Jersey. I might be wrong about that. But you're going to hear that shit. Okay? Go up and do pro-Trump jokes. Stand up for your fucking self.

Sometimes it's not easy. And if they give you any grief, take them out back and throw them a beating. But don't comment on stage. That's like bad etiquette okay but you're gonna hear a lot of weed jokes and masturbation shit at open mic level it's just way and let me say one other thing to help you out everything keep this in mind everything has been talked about under the sun everything it's what you do with the subject matter to make it your own and make it funny. So,

there's some of the greatest comics in the world. I mean, David Tell does masturbation shit. You know what I mean? Louis. All of us have.

But, but again, I'm sure that, you know, the jokes are easy, like you said, because it's open mic level. But,

don't call him out on stage. Get in their face after the show. Just fuck around, have a few beers, and go, you guys are fucking, you guys are spineless. Next question. Again, I didn't put the names on the, oh, this is from my boy Frank. What are your thoughts on the final episode of The Sopranos? Oh, this is timely.

I have grown to respect the ending I think the first few seasons were great but the last couple not so much do you have any stories or feeling about into Dice Clay I think classic Dice is great although he's more of a character himself now um as far as the Sopranos goes, I had no problem with the ending the minute it ended. Do you know why? Because David Chase didn't wrap it up in a little bow and make everything work out the way Hollywood does. That's what real artists do. He's like, fuck the public.

I'm going to do what I want to do. I thought it was a great ending because it could leave it up to your imagination as to what happened. And we're still talking about it 10 years later, right? So I didn't have a problem with that as, you know, as being in the liberal arts. As far as the last few seasons, not as great as the first few. I don't agree with that either. I mean, the first few Soprano seasons were so good that nobody could follow it up. I sort of agree with that.

But people sort of got, they didn't put it in context. Everything's relative. The third season, like, oh, the fourth season wasn't as good. No, but the worst Soprano season is better than anything that's ever been on TV. Again, that's just my opinion. And the fucking last few seasons with for you know you know who frank vincent as leotardo i mean come on i mean watch him again you gotta watch him again there was good and and then uh bacala getting a fight with tony in a fist fight up at that cabin that shit was as

good as anything you gotta you gotta watch it again, and you'll have a new... As far as Dice, look, I was like anybody else. I was like 14 or 15 when he did that young comedian special, or 17, I don't know. And, you know, I wasn't in comedy yet, so I thought it was hilarious. But no, I'm not a huge fan of Dice. He always was a caricature.

I even knew that much, you know, as soon as I started doing stand-up. But, you know, whatever. Look, that shit on Rodney Dangerfield's special was hilarious. But, yeah, he's exactly that, a caricature. Which is, to me, that's not what you do as a stand-up. You don't hide behind a character. You know what I mean? It's all about just uh just uh you know being

yourself that's just my opinion still like him uh good guy and uh great actor dice doesn't get enough credit for how good an actor he is he's a talented dude just uh not my idea of a great All right, Frankie boy. One more question. How many shits have you left in the woods? And do you think any of them were near where Hillary takes her gray, hairy, muddy dumps? That's from my Uncle Ted. No, that's from one of the subscribers. What the fuck? Let me read that question again. How many shits have you left in the woods? None. I haven't

shit in the woods. I always make sure I do it in the water. I'll jump right in the lake. The turtles have to eat. And do you think any of them near where Hillary takes her? I saw a big gray hairy dump that I thought might have been Hillary's. Turned out it was either Hillary or Sasquatch or Caitlyn

Jenner. It was a big muddy dump near a pine tree. I put it on Twitter. You might have seen it. No, I don't know. It's a funny question, but I could run into her, although the woods I go into are a few miles from her house. Wouldn't that be funny? But that was all stage two, in my opinion.

All right, kids, that is it for today. And again, connectpal.com slash Nick. Connectpal.com slash Nick. If you want to subscribe, $3.99 a month. You get two to three more shows a week on top of the Monday free show on iTunes and at riotcast.com. What the hell else?

And again, send me your size and what you want. If you've donated enough to get a t-shirt or a hat. God, I feel like I'm forgetting something. It's making me nuts. I don't know. I will talk to you tomorrow, subscribers. All right? Take care of yourselves.

Hey, hey, I saved the world today And everybody's happy now The bad things gone away And everybody's happy now Good day, everybody. guitar solo I'm out.