Transcript
Discussion (0)
You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, riotcast.com. Well, hello, everybody.
Yeah, Tuesday.
How you doing out there?
I put on these headphones from this bay, and I should have went with the ones I've been using.
The ones without the maggots in the ear holes.
I mean, whose head have these been on?
Anything worse than going into that men's room and sitting on the toilet,
and it's already warm from the guy before you?
Jesus H. Christ, is that gross.
I'd rather dump right in the lobby of Sirius behind the counter with the security people
and have everybody watch me.
Then sit on a toilet that's been pre-warmed.
By God, no.
Kathy Griffin probably sat on it ten years ago.
What?
Oh, she's in the news.
I'll get to her in a few minutes.
That fucking idiot.
How are you?
Good?
Good.
Yeah, it's just in the men's room.
First of all, it smells like a fucking lion's cage in there.
I'd love to go in there once on 11 pair of fucking feet,
taking the dump same time as me.
It's like a contest in there.
I thought I heard a gun go off before I farted.
You ever take a dump in the, you know what, in JFK?
International?
Yes.
International men's.
That's good.
You get 19 different foods from 19 different countries being digested.
Guy from Chile next to me trying to push out something he had.
Anyway.
How you doing, kids?
Pretty good.
I want to thank, of course, a couple of people who support my podcast, Brandon Lowe and Kevin
Ford, a couple of regulars.
Thank you guys for contributing.
The dickhead who puts up this show on YouTube is still doing it unauthorized, so I have
notified the authorities.
It's costing me subscribers with my podcast, so you'll be hearing from fucking legal real
soon, dick cheese.
Costing me money.
That and me parking here in Manhattan in a garage at $50 a pop.
I literally pulled in and a guy goes, this was probably a year ago.
I was visiting somebody in Manhattan.
The guy goes, how long are you going to be?
I go, I don't know, about an hour and a half.
I go, how much is that?
He goes, $50.
I said, just don't come in my ass, okay, fella?
Of course, he didn't get that.
It was lost in translation because he's been in the country 11 minutes from Yemen and just fucking.
He did the fake.
Fucking.
866-969-1969.
Not that I've said anything you want to call in yet, but I'll just throw that out there.
866-969-1969 is the phone number.
As I'm coming in here into the studio, everybody's like, did you see the Kathy Griffin. As I'm coming in here, into the studio,
everybody's like, did you see the Kathy Griffin?
And I'm like, I heard.
I didn't fucking, you know.
I take eight minutes off from the news today, and, you know, something outrageous happens,
if you want to call it outrage.
It's about normal for her.
This is a picture of Kathy Griffin.
If you don't know who she is,
she's carrot top, only with more testosterone.
And too bad, because I've known her known I've met her a few times.
You know, we've been on shows together and always cordial.
But I'm sure as soon as I turn my back, like most lefties, she probably went, what a fucking fascist.
But she's holding up a, you know, a like fake Trump head covered in blood detached from the body.
And I guess some really edgy photographer,
Tyler Shields.
I'm sure he's known
for his edgy photography.
If that's really,
that's fucking edgy,
how about I hold up
a shrunken head of Obama?
Wouldn't that be a little edgier?
Show me that.
That would be fucking edgy.
Where's that photographer?
Yeah.
So during the photo shoot,
Kathy joked that she and tyler would need to move
to mexico once the pics got released for fear they'd be thrown in prison yes because we've
seen so much of that from the obama administration it's uh i mean from the trump administration it's
the righties it's us on the right who are cracking down on free speech and and nonsense like that
right kathy uh trump's critics have skewed him for inciting violence with his speech did kathy
do the same first of all where did this come from tmz what was it trump's critics have skewed him
for inciting violence with his speech Did Kathy do the same?
So already they've drawn a conclusion
That's fact that Trump has increased the violence with his speech
Really?
Hmm
I remember the fucking knockout game when Obama
Remember fucking white old white guys getting knocked out by young black guys on the sidewalk?
Anybody put a stink up there?
And then anybody who wore a Trump hat during the election got his face kicked in and that's still happening by the way and then there's uh berkeley where they
break shit and and fucking actually hurt a woman who was going to speak there had to go to the
hospital but it's trump who incites the violence right okay 866-969-1969 but kathy griffin you
know again i try to give these people the benefit of the doubt. I've met her a few times and, you know, and by the way, I'd fuck that head that she's holding before hers.
Anybody else?
Raise your hands out there.
Raise your goddamn hands.
Wasn't she?
Didn't she do something outrageous on New Year's Eve?
Doesn't CNN have her hosting with Cooper Anderson and they can pretend to fucking remember?
Made out or something.
Made out.
No, she said some horse shit.
Grabbed his dick.
Grabbed his dick.
He's got a clit, number one.
The fuck you talking about?
I don't remember.
She said some outrageous shit.
866-969-1969.
Call in either way if you're for this type of shit or against it.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm just saying.
I like this type of nonsense. If it. I don't give a fuck. I'm just saying I like this type of nonsense if we could do it both ways.
I'd like to take a fucking head Nancy Pelosi skull or, you know, anybody.
How about Maxine Waters?
They hold up a little head that, you know, her covenant blood.
That would be more appropriate.
appropriate. But to insinuate that Trump is inciting violence
with his speech when we know
the fucking left
are out of control because they lost the biggest election
of their lives. Again, I saw Hillary in the woods.
This time she was taking a shit
behind a pine tree. And I said, Chubby,
what are you doing? Come on, Chubby.
How do you...
What the hell's going on out here?
Fucking skank. Anyways,
that's a coke sniff.
Cocaina.
Kathy, oh my God, she's not aging well at all.
No.
Holy fucking moly.
She was no piece of ass when she was in her prime, but Jesus, hey, I'm serious.
The Trump face on that head is a little better than hers.
They look like they could be
related there but uh you know that's just inciting violence and uh but that Tyler Shields he's known
for some edgy shit I think he did my wedding that's me crumpling paper it's part of the show
folks theater of the mind let's go to Nick on uh line one in florida nick how are you welcome to my show the nick
apollo show how you doing i'm doing good nick i love the show man you should it's really fucking
edgy yeah i i you know i personally don't agree uh with your politics yeah well why don't agree with your politics. Yeah, well, why don't you fucking smarten up, Nick?
Yeah, yeah, well, I guess, but I respect, I respect, I respect it. I hear you.
So, but Kathy Griffin, she, I'm from Tallahassee.
I'm sorry.
And, you know, been a huge Florida State fan my whole life.
I love Florida State.
You know, yeah, she came to the Pow Wow, which is like their big thing they do,
and she's supposed to do a stand-up.
And she, I don't know where the hell she thought she was, but she got up on stage and finally said, you know,
Oh, Seminoles, oh, you guys are all racist or whatever.
But she did a whole thing about it on the Tonight Show, too.
She got booed offstage.
She didn't say that part.
But the thing is, you know, she didn't bother to take the time. These people,
they call people racist so fast.
We've had a close relationship
at the university with the Seminole tribe.
We don't call ourselves the Seminole
because we're trying to break the rules.
We have a close relationship. They have
scholarships and stuff set up. We
learned all the history of the
Seminole tribe. We know more about them than
she ever will. She's so willing to call everybody racist.
Yes.
It's ridiculous.
Well, yeah.
And again, I've met her, and we're both comedians,
and she's always cordial, but that's what they do.
They're cordial to your face, and then you turn around,
and there won't be any blowback.
What are they going to do?
Fire her from...
What is she doing right now?
She's probably on A&E hosting some fucking modeling competition or whatever.
I don't know.
Every couple of years when the wife is watching, I swear I see her on RuPaul's Drag Race.
I don't know.
Maybe I'm wrong.
Thanks, Nick.
I appreciate it.
Love the show, man.
You got it, Nick.
Thanks, brother.
Nick, I appreciate it.
Love the show, man.
You got it, Nick.
Thanks, brother.
So she goes to the campus of Florida State and goes, you're all racist.
Because, you know, Seminoles and the fucking simpletons.
And if you stay in Hollywood long enough, whether you're on the D list or the A list or the G list, you're going to turn retarded.
Trust me.
Swimming in PC retardedness you know why because
that's where a lot of it comes from you don't get any more pc than our pop culture do you
no you don't and that's where that crap is made 866-969-1969 and again i hate to you know uh but
i'm sick of pretending to like these people because god knows if somebody held up a head of Obama or whatever, Pelosi, pick any of you fucking Maxine Waters, they'd be hell to pay.
But, you know, she'll be back.
Matt in Virginia.
What's going on, Matt?
Welcome to the show.
Thanks, buddy.
I appreciate it.
You know, it's not often that I can sit back and listen to a radio show and completely agree 100% with it.
But God damn, you opened up tonight, and I am 100% on board, brother.
Well, I appreciate that, sir.
It's hard to argue with what she did, but go ahead.
Well, the thing is that what everybody fails to remember is that every time that there's been an election, there's always
been some form of hubbub about something. But not once was there ever anybody during Obama's
campaign that was inciting violence, quote unquote. But yet there was tons of violence
against the people that weren't supporting Obama. Unfortunately, we are in a situation in this country right now
where there is such a divided line,
where you have police officers that are afraid to do their fucking job
in fear of repercussions.
We have politicians that are, I'm not saying that he's 100% perfect,
but goddamn, he's just trying to tell everybody,
look, there's a lot of dumb shit going on.
We need to fix it.
And I'm not agreeing 1,000% with what he's doing or saying,
but he's not a politician.
At the end of the day, the man never once ran on the platform of being a politician.
He ran on the platform of being a businessman.
And the United States of America is 100% a business.
We've got money coming in and money going out and he's
trying to say we got too much shit going out not enough staying at home let's fix this shit and
make it happen well yeah and uh people uh deep down really uh don't like this country they want
to admit it to your face but um you know uh they they're all for a one world government Globalists And what the hell was that?
Somebody getting
My wife calling in on my work phone
I'm calling in for my personal
Alright Matt well I appreciate the call brother
Take care
Let's go to Brian in Georgia
Says Trump's words are the source of the violence
Brian what's happening?
Hey what's up Nick first I'm glad you're on man
This is way better than listening to like Six hours of god, Nick? First, I'm glad you're on, man. This is way better than listening
to six hours of goddamn replays.
So I'm really glad you're on here.
Brian, you guys know more about the station than
I do, I swear to God. I didn't even know who was on
before me, but
they have a good lineup here.
But go ahead.
So, like I was telling the call guy,
it's just a confusion of
the language. The people inc just a confusion of the language.
Like, the people inciting the violence are the ones actually conducting it.
The catalyst is certainly Trump's speech.
I mean, there's no doubt about that.
People are upset with it.
Which speech?
Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you talking about a specific speech?
Are you saying his language in general?
Yeah, the way he addresses issues, people are clearly upset with it. That's fine.
That can be the catalyst for the violence, but it's not the actual inciting of it.
Oh, I see what you're saying.
It goes back, you know, if you look at the L.A. riots at that point, too, the verdict certainly was the catalyst, but that didn't cause goddamn...
I mean, the inciting was the people lighting fucking buildings up.
Yes.
I mean, that's...
Yes.
It's crazy how it's reported these days.
Well, yeah, but, you know, somebody...
And then here you go.
I don't remember the right reacting violently to fucking...
And they had plenty to in the eight years of Obama.
I mean, but, you know, so...
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
Sorry, brother.
Yeah, you know, with that,
that was the other point I was going to make.
When the right has something that they're violent in response to, which is rare,
it's never that the left agenda was inciting violence.
It's look at these conservatives inciting all this violence.
The catalyst on the left side is never responsible for actually inciting it.
It's always blamed on the conservatives conducting the violence.
But when it's flipped, it's the conservatives that are inciting the violence,
and the left is just reacting to it.
Well, yeah.
I mean, remember they painted the Tea Party as crazy right-wing extremists.
They actually picked up their own trash after having a convention in D.C.
Old white people with lawn chairs.
And they were the ones that, you know, spawned Timothy McVeigh, apparently.
Absolutely.
Well, anyway, I love you, WAP son of a bitch.
I'll talk to you later.
WAP, that's old school racism in Georgia right there.
Without papers, folks.
I think my parents do have papers.
My grandparents, however.
I never looked into that.
I'd like to go on Ancestry.com,
but I can't because my IQ is over 140.
Every commercial.
Hi, I thought I was Latino and black.
Turns out I'm a Swede.
Meh.
But...
TJ, New Jersey.
Not a fan of the show, but he likes my comedy.
That's good enough for me.
TJ, what's going on?
Look, I love your comedy, but Jesus Christ, this is turning out to a fucking... I mean, it's like Bob Graham without the charm. Man, how about that? How about that? I can't understand you.
Hey, quit yelling, stupid.
First of all, get a new phone.
What, do you get a flip phone from the fucking 40s?
Secondly, you...
Works great.
It sounds like...
Sounds like you're hang gliding right now.
That's all right.
I don't care.
You don't have to like...
Look, you're from Jersey.
You're another dummy in a blue state who's been fucking brainwashed.
And you'll wake up someday.
That's what I've been.
And you've got a perfect take
on the entire political situation.
All right.
I can't understand any of this.
Thank you.
I can't.
Could anybody...
Could you understand that, Brendan?
It's not...
It's not...
It's not...
It's not...
It's not...
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It's not... Stevie Vanzant The show Like your comedy Hang, hang, hang Oh, Kathy Griffin
She's trying to get
This is what you do, I guess
I don't know
I never had an agent tell me
You know what?
I checked out your analytics on Facebook
You're a little low
Why don't you go punch a baby
And put it on Facebook Live
And go viral
But people do desperate shit
To get, you know, to get seen.
And, uh,
I mean, she's lucky
that she even, and she's kind of funny,
because she attacks people,
you know, showbiz people, and I kind of
get a kick out of some of her stories, but
see, you stay out there, you get fucking
brainwashed, you know.
Anyways, let's go to Jose in California.
Jose, welcome to the show.
How are you?
Hey, Nick.
Thank you for taking my call.
Love your show.
Fuck that last caller.
I love that.
I love that fucking Latino accent from California.
Fuck that last caller, man.
Yeah, fuck him and his cheap-ass phone, okay?
Hey, love your show.
Anyways, I wanted to bring this up to you.
Remember all those fucking bosses
that wanted to move out of the country
when Trump became the president?
Yes.
I'm still waiting.
Yes, they were going to go to Canada,
but Canada said,
look, all these chicks are too fat. Lena Dunham, fucking Rosie. They're going to go to Canada, but Canada said, look, all these chicks are too fat.
Lena Dunham, fucking Rosie.
They're going to fucking sink us down into Michigan.
Mexico probably didn't want them either.
Oh, no.
Mexico would never take these brats, you know?
There wouldn't be a tortilla left in your country after these fucking cornmeal-eating chowderheads.
Take that Kathy Griffin piece of shit out there, too.
It's too bad.
Like I said, I don't dislike her personally,
but now, you know, if you're going to pull this shit,
don't you dare ever talk about somebody on the right doing something,
oh, that was racist or sexist misogynist, you know?
I'd like to see somebody holding her head up on a stick.
You know, a fake one, not a real one. Not yet.
Keep up the good work.
Thank you.
Appreciate it, brother.
I'm telling you.
Take care, Jose.
I'm going to fucking smash his fucking face in.
866-969-1969.
Let's go to Stokely in Missouri.
Stokely.
Hey, Nick.
How you doing? That's a good name, brother. Are you blackokely. Hey, Nick. How you doing?
That's a good name, brother.
Are you black or white?
White, dude.
I don't know.
I always think Stokely Carmichael.
Or am I making that up?
No, that's what my mom claims now, but it's really a family name.
But, you know, she's...
Anyway, it's the first time I've ever agreed with you, man.
I love your show.
Thank you, Stokely.
Just don't agree politically, but... All right. We need to have more open discussion about this kind of shit?
Yes, we do.
That's how we break down barriers.
I agree completely with this Kathy Griffin thing.
First off, never liked her.
You have to watch Bravo around the clock when you're seeing her stand up.
There you go.
I mean, it's just something girls force dudes to watch when you're dating.
Like, one of the many things you have to do to get ass these days.
Yeah.
Or at least, maybe 20 years ago, because I don't think any girls these days watch her.
But do you think this is more like a publicity stunt of an aging comedian?
Or do you think she actually feels this way?
Because I feel like a lot of her stuff is shock value put on just the name and the press.
Let's face it.
Let's go with the former.
Let's say it's a publicity stunt.
There's other ways to get in the publicity.
Show us your dick.
You know what I mean?
She could show us her dick and her big red balls, and that would get a ton of, you know
what I mean?
But this is how you get attention by, you know,
holding Trump's head up, you know?
I mean, there's a million ways to do it.
Let me ask Stokely.
I think we'll be able to look at Trump's head in our deck.
Stokely, let me ask you.
So you disagree with my politics, but what is so outrageous about my politics?
I mean, do you buy into this whole Russian collusion thing?
Isn't this a bunch of horseshit?
They have no evidence at this point.
And again, this weekend,
I watched the Sunday shows
and you got Clapper
and all these guys,
high up Democrats,
and Intel people who have no bias
saying, no, we don't have any evidence
for Christ's sake.
I mean, come on.
This is a witch hunt, no?
Nick, you're asking me on the wrong week, man.
I've been traveling for work.
I'm originally from Louisiana.
Okay.
I normally wouldn't want to dive into this.
I'm not prepared for that one.
All right.
I don't want to get into it.
I just normally, you know, I feel like sometimes your show leans a little bit more towards,
I'm not saying you personally, but sometimes from the callers or whatever,
seems a little bit like, when's the white man gonna get a chance kind of thing and i do believe a lot of censorship is coming from the left i was just i'm just a pretty liberal guy
you know social policy and i believe there's a lot of smoke and mirrors that can come up to like
divide people right so i'm kind of a little wary of that. Yes. But I just like your comedy. I love your show.
I love the discussion on it.
So don't get me wrong on that.
Oh, no, I appreciate that, man.
Oh, thank you, Stokely.
Call back.
Thanks a lot, Nick.
Yeah.
Keep the good work.
Appreciate it.
And it's not the white man.
When's he going to get a shot?
Nobody's saying that.
It's saying just don't fucking tread on this side for shit that happened years ago.
Okay?
I had nothing to do with it.
My grandparents are from fucking Italy.
Okay.
But I'm lumped in with the white European males on Columbus day who gave the
Indians a blanket with some fucking dirt on it.
And,
uh,
you know,
that that's not the fucking message here.
What's fair.
We point out the double standards.
It's more cultural than political too.
You know what I mean?
About tearing down statues of white guys and shit.
I mean,
it's,
it's fucking,
it's really embarrassing. Uh, so, you know, white guys and shit. I mean, it's fucking really embarrassing.
So, you know, 866-969-1969.
But, I mean, come on, Kathy, really?
Who said that?
I did.
Who the fuck said that?
Who's the slimy little commoner shit-twinkle-toed cocksucker down here
who just signed his own death warrant?
Anderson Cooper?
No, Kathy Griffin.
No,
they're ignorant. That's ignorant.
Hey, we got, in a few minutes,
we got my buddy at the bottom of the
hour, as they say in radio, Joey
List, a young
fine fellow from Whitman, Massachusetts,
made the move down here, and he's
a funny SOB. He was
on Conan, and we talked about him i
called him quinn on friday and i introduced colin to joe and uh they've been dating for like i'd say
almost a year now it's very embarrassing but uh no funny guy he's gonna be in here and uh we'll
talk to him 866-969-1969 is the phone number and yes, she's probably doing it for publicity, but there's a million ways to do it.
You know, this is just outrageous to me, the way the president is being treated.
From Kathy Griffin to Chuck Schumer and everybody in between.
You've lost your fucking collective minds because you thought you were going to win that fucking election.
And the thick-ankled dog face let you down.
Even after she cheated Bernieernie sanders socialist
moron uh even after brendan just cringed his whole gen i actually like bernie too i like a
curmudgeon from new england you know i mean i don't believe in his politics but he's fucking
moronist and the thick-ankled dog face that will be um mike in wisconsin on line two welcome to the show mike thank you nick how are you oh i
thought i met some metsa well i just wanted to say i heard you on will cow i've been binge
listening to the past shows and i re-upped my xm subscription because of you today oh that means
a raise for me let it go and and i enjoy the show so much, I actually shelled out another $250.
Wow, Mike, you get that kind of money? What are you doing in Wisconsin?
Let me guess, corn?
This and that, man. Trying to keep a roof over my head and my family fed. You know how it is.
I really don't. I don't have a family. I don't have a roof. I live in a pop tent.
Well, there you go. Then a box will do.
A box will do.
That was my caption in my high school picture.
A box will do.
Enjoy the show a lot.
Just wanted to tell you that.
Thank you, Mike.
And move to a state.
Actually, thank you, Mike.
Wisconsin came around this time.
Brendan in Long Island.
Brendan, welcome to the show.
I have a summer home in Shirley.
How you doing?
Pretty good.
How you doing?
Good. I agree with Trump on one major thing that most people around us have to deal with, the Long Island Railroad.
Oh, yes.
Most of the people, politicians in New York, have been trying to get this pile of crap fixed.
Yes.
And you made a lot of people laugh this morning on the train.
I was playing your podcast while I was stuck in the tunnel for four hours.
No kidding.
Yeah.
A lot of people were laughing because of you.
You may get a couple more subscriptions.
Yeah.
But you don't agree with Trump on anything else other than the Long Island Railroad?
I do.
I try to.
I follow politics.
I'm fairly young.
So, I mean, not fairly young, but I did vote for him.
Okay.
I want to see the country go in a better direction.
It will.
As soon as these jerk-offs like Walt Blitzer get off our back.
Thank you, Brendan, for the call.
Hey, folks, when we come back, we get the very funny Joseph List.
I call him Joe E. List, like Joe E. Lewis back in the day.
Very funny fellow.
He'll be in there, and we'll take more of your calls.
We'll talk comedy, politics, whatever you want to talk about.
866-969-1969.
Back after this.
You're listening to The Nick DiPaolo Show on Faction Talk Sirius XM 103.
And now,
back to the Nick DiPaolo Show
on Sirius XM
Faction Talk 103.
Yeah. Welcome back Talk 103. Yeah.
Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.
We're here with a very funny
Joe List. He'll be performing
at the Cap City Comedy Club in Austin, Texas
this Wednesday through Saturday night.
For tickets, go to
ComedianJoeList.com. You can follow him on Twitter
and Instagram at JoeListComedy.
Check out his podcast, Tuesday with Stories with his co-host, the very funny Mark Norman.
New episodes available every Tuesday on iTunes.
Yeah.
And come see me this Thursday night, me and Big Jay Ogeson, at the Seneca Resort and Casino,
the Bears Den, in Niagara Falls, New York.
And then I'll be at the Hot Comedy Club, Friday, June 2nd.
And then Friday and Saturday, June 9th and 10th, Hilarities in Cleveland. york and then i'll be at the hot comedy club friday june 2nd and then friday and saturday
june 9 and 10 hilarities in cleveland go to nickdip.com follow me on twitter and instagram
at nick d'apolo and the store is open at nickdip.com if you want to get podcast stuff hats
and t-shirts nice stuff too by the way uh all righty then did you see this radical feminists? They say rad fems.
I think it's awful.
They want,
they want to,
uh,
they're campaigning for a period emoji.
Period as in I'm having my period this week.
I'd be okay with that.
Cause that way I can describe my shits during the O3 ALCS a little better.
Uh,
but I mean,
where does it stop, ladies
and gentlemen? You know, you feminists. And again,
I don't want to come around. I'm not a woman hater.
I don't like women who try to speak for other
women and who, and again,
the real hardcore feminists, they look like,
well, let's be honest, Kathy Griffin.
You know, they're obsessed
with their own vaginas because nobody else was.
Oh, boy.
Oh, fucking Sarah Man. Oh.
Fucking Sarah wouldn't like that,
would she?
Is she getting to you?
I'm going to have to have a talk.
No, I'm just saying.
Really?
An emoji?
Look at the... You see the pictures?
The emoji is...
The emoji is...
Google it.
It's just like...
It's panties with red dots and shit.
Oh, that's fun. It is fun, but it makes me hungry at the same time. Sounds it's panties with red dots and shit. That's fun.
It is fun, but it makes me hungry at the same time.
Sounds like Japanese panties.
Yes, it does.
Looks like the Japanese flag.
But look, they got-
And they sniff panties over there.
They got the fucking pad.
I mean, can they relax?
Do they ever stop thinking about their own box?
I ask you, Larry King.
Hello.
I like these ones. I like the period panties i like the real i mean the emoji i can take or leave but i just love a pair of period underwear
okay so uh so when they have a yeast infection they can put up breadsticks i mean where does
this shit stop ladies and gentlemen i you know and again i'm i'm i'm, I'm not a feminist myself, but I understand how it came about.
But it's turned into an anti-male hating machine, and they've lost their fucking mind.
Just listen, I'm going to play a couple feminists.
This is the kind of women, if I was a guy and I was a millennial, I'd cut my wrist having to listen to broads like this.
If you shut the fuck up and let me read my list, there's the fucking proof. like this. Oh, God.
why onking jam rag arking spunk bubble i'm telling you h you keep looking at me i'm gonna put you in the fucking ground i promise you not this time oh they're just angry humorless they didn't fit in
and they're taking it out on you and me joe what was the context of that what was that that was
that a that was that some feminist rally to college campus a few years ago and a guy was trying to read his part and she was upset
he was going first
and that's not,
but that's not
an exception to the rule.
That is the fucking rule.
The hateful.
The hateful hate.
Wait a minute.
I see why Joe,
I just dawned on me
why Joe's looking at me funny.
Him and Soto
were at the woman's march.
But you were trying
to get laid.
Let's be honest.
I'm not sure
what the content is. I just filled it in. There are cunts on college campuses everywhere but uh yeah she seemed annoying i don't
want people to tell me to shut the fuck up men or women um you you but you can't tell me that a
woman today like i'm talking about you know these modern day feminists no i'm all for a guy can't go
hey blow me or i'm going to fire you. Right.
You know what I mean?
Anything else less than that goes.
Yeah.
I'm not getting paid, but I'd be happy to blow you.
But I'm just saying there's an angry, cold, the people who take this shit in, ingest it, and they turn it into their life, their life's cause.
I've had girl, comedian, female friends even admit that it's gotten a little
too anti-male
even for their flavor.
Would you agree?
Yes, it feels very anti-male
and particularly
it feels anti-white male.
Oh, Christ, yes.
And straight male, yes.
Yes.
A lot of it.
Yeah.
You're in that age.
Well, you went to the market.
Was it you and Soda?
Yeah, we were there.
It was fun.
I know.
We had a good time.
I know.
I looked at hours and hours of footage.
It wasn't a girl there.
I'd stick my thumb in it,
I'm going to be honest with you.
Oh, no.
There was some hot girls there.
Were there some hot ones?
Yeah, of course.
You like a mullet, do you?
I mean, we were in Portland.
Big green teeth and no tits.
No, but certainly I'm pro-
I know you are.
I'm pro-choice and women's rights and reproductive bullshit, all that shit.
So, yeah, there's a lot of things that, you know-
That you agree with.
People are threatening to take away.
But, yeah, there's certainly stuff that's fucking retarded, ridiculous.
But they're blaming us for everything, it seems like.
It's become more mainstream.
Those thoughts that were considered on the fringe, to me, seem a lot more mainstream today.
And I just can't see another commercial with a woman hitting a heavy bag. that were considered on the fringe to me seem a lot more mainstream today.
And I just can't see another commercial with a woman hitting a heavy bag.
Yeah, there's a lot of that.
A lot of female anger in commercials,
lashing out at the husband.
Right, and plenty of movies
where the woman is kicking all the men's ass,
which I always find fascinating
because I'm like,
well, physically, you are inferior.
That's not, that is science.
But the rest of the stuff I'm on board with and Trump stinks and all that.
No, they're ignorant.
That's ignorant.
But certainly there's women that could beat me up.
I understand that.
People always want to point that out when you talk about it.
They're like, what about Ronda Rousey?
She'd kick your ass.
I'm like, certainly.
Yeah.
But I'm not.
I'm not a fighter.
I'm not a professional fighter.
So what you want to do when you make that, and for you idiots out there who buy into
that shit, what you want to do is take a guy who has the same experience as her, same weight
class and shit.
Then you make the comparison.
Right.
As opposed to pointing to Joe List, a headliner, uh, and comedy guy who bleeds from his ass
when he watches the Red Sox.
I mean, can I make the comparison?
It's apples and oranges.
You've got to go with apples and apples is all I'm saying.
Let's go to Dan in Louisiana.
Dan, welcome to the show.
There we go.
Hey, it was, first of all, I wanted to call the other day because you were picking on Maxine Waters,
and I was like, I agree with you again, and I was going to have to lose my liberal card listening to the show too much.
Cause she is dumber than a box of rocks.
Oh my God.
But the thing is, is that with the point you just played with that, with the feminist,
I mean, the point that she was making there was, was one that, you know, I think is a
solid, is a solid point that should be made was that, you know, part of the problem with
society is that they view women as, as caretakers, as the one that are supposed to be home with
the kids, and that's kind of a view that feminists are trying to fight against, the traditional,
you know, stereotypical gender roles that keep, you know, women as kind of, you know,
not having equality in this country.
And part of the problem with that view is that men are likely,
not likely to have a good shot in custody hearings to get joint custody
or even get full custody based on the situation.
So in that particular thing that that woman was talking about,
it's trying to counteract the idea that, you know,
that women aren't fighting for rights for men in feminism
because in that particular situation,
a man will have a better shot in a child custody case
if we drop the idea that women are supposed to be the people that raise children.
I think they should.
They make good sandwiches, too.
No, that's a joke.
I understand that.
I know, but here's my problem, Dan.
If you watch a sitcom or a movie, they'll always have, and it's usually like Joe said,
it's the white boss saying shit to a woman in the office that guys haven't said since the 50s.
If you watch shows even today, set in 2017, they use this anachronistic dialogue that no guy uses.
And it's, you know, it's just tiring.
Nobody thinks girls should be barefoot in the kitchen,
except for maybe a few of your friends in Louisiana.
But I'm just saying.
Yeah, I mean, no.
In Louisiana, we have plenty of those archaic views that are down here.
And where you live, it's probably much, much better
and much more progressive.
And so what you're seeing as the extreme is, but, you know, we have like, there are extremist idiots in every side.
Like, you know, maybe there is a better thing to work on than a period emoji on your iPhone, but I'd rather that extremist than the extremist on the right
who are trying to make sure that gay people can't adopt
or that gay people can't have the same custody rights or whatever,
which is actually going through in Louisiana.
Yeah, and how's that working out?
I mean, are they really having any success for the rest of the world?
They're still trying to fight for that in Louisiana, in the legislature, in the current legislature.
All right, that's Louisiana, but how about in the United States?
Well, in the United States, we've made good progress,
and we have people that drag their heels, like the South.
Okay.
I'm with Dan.
Dan, you're a great guy, and anytime you want to come over,
I'll make sandwiches for you.
I appreciate that.
Dan is a good guy
He's a liberal
He's called in a couple times
And we appreciate it
Thank you Danny
You have a good one
Thanks brother
No my point is
But it's that same
You know
Same with the
You know
The slavery thing
I'll never go away
Now you ask feminists
And a lady from the Now organization
Said this in an interview
Like five years ago
Somebody asked him
About how men are portrayed
In commercials And she goes It's payback for how women were portrayed in the 50
i googled every goddamn thing i think i saw one guy complain about his wife's coffee in a commercial
i mean there's just a it's an outright hatred of men i saw one today they always lump the husband
in with the kids and the dog the wife's like oh, oh, I have to use this counter spray because my kids, the dog, my husband.
No, there's a few comedy blockbusters,
I won't name names or directors,
but a bunch of blockbuster comedies
where literally 100% of the men
are bumbling fucking idiots
or rapists or murderers.
Or they're just like,
oh, I can't leave my house
because I'm a nerd fucking idiot.
And then they say that like,
well, that's payback.
That's how we were portrayed.
But that's not really
what you should be striving for.
You should have it equal
where either the guys
are getting made fun of,
you're getting made fun of,
or it's not just you had it better,
so now you have to have it worse.
Right.
That's like a child who,
they break a toy,
so they have to break the sibling's toy.
Right.
It's not what you should be longing for.
Whether it's race or gender, everybody's in this retribution mode as opposed to reconciliation mode.
Right.
You know what I mean?
That's what it feels like.
And it's just fucking tiring.
I mean, commercial after commercial.
Is there anybody busier than a soccer mom in a commercial?
I got to be my kid's dentist.
I have to take him to softball.
And some of them,
you don't even see
the fucking father's
not even mentioned.
But it's like,
let it go with the anger.
It's always the heavy bag.
I don't care if the commercial's
for donuts, tampons, Buicks.
There's always a chick
hitting a heavy bag.
Buicks. Yeah, Buick. Buick always a chick hitting a heavy... Buicks.
Yeah, Buick.
Buick, I know.
Did I just say a Buick?
Do they still sell those?
Remember my 87 Buick Century.
Did I ride in that?
Yeah.
You might have drove it at one point.
At one point, I counted.
That was in the drinking days.
I had like 35 different people had driven my car.
Is that right?
I was too drunk to drive it.
Yeah.
But, yeah, but, you know, I'd still rather be a man, I guess, you know?
Yeah, but that, okay, but you said you'd rather be a man.
Meaning what, though? That implies that we do have it better, or just that, or maybe.
Well, I just don't want to be dumb and inferior.
I mean.
I'm joking, of course.
Son of a whore!
No, I love it.
That's Joey.
I'm joking, of course. Son of a whore! No, I love it. That's Joey Lee.
I'm kidding.
Now, Sarah seems like a... Where is Sarah from?
This is talking about Joe's fiance.
She's from Houston, but she was born in South Africa.
So technically, I'm dating an African-American.
I could say the N-word if I wanted to, but I choose not to.
Oh, goodness.
Great.
Do you say that on stage?
No.
I was getting a little nervous.
She's the nicest...
Sarah's just a nice, soft-spoken, funny.
And she actually did a great job on Colbert.
Yeah, she's great.
She's a great comedian person and smart as a whip.
And she lets me make love to her.
Well, you and a few other people.
Listen.
What?
What?
You met her at the OTB, didn't you?
Yeah, she was drunk and she threw a cup of coffee in your head or something.
She is.
She's from, you said Houston.
Houston, yes.
I said Houston.
You said Houston.
Didn't I say Houston?
No, you said Houston.
I could have said Houston.
Fucking Houston Street.
We all know it's Houston.
And yeah, wonderful comedian and a great person.
And Joe's going to marry her on August 19th.
Yes, be there.
You're all invited.
And it's going to be the best 11 years of my life.
It's in East New York at the Holiday Inn Express.
It's where Tyson knocked out an old lady and stole her bread.
Because Pasigian passed away.
Let's go to Rick in Georgia on Line 6.
Rick, welcome to the show.
Say hi to Joey List.
Hey, Joe.
How are you doing?
I'm doing great.
How are you, Rick?
I'm just doing good, man.
You know, I was just going to say, some of you guys, liberal guys,
are y'all really believe what you say or is it just to try to get some pussy?
Which thing did i say that you
think was not believable well i don't know i just yeah you don't exactly how a damn straight white
man can be a fucking uh democrat but anyway yeah i was calling because it doesn't make sense
issue well it does make sense i uh go ahead because there's a damn but i was just calling
because i was wondering,
I don't have a problem with any of this feminism stuff,
but my issue is that all these women on the left,
they rant and rave about equality, but boy, as soon as something goes wrong,
oh, I'm a woman, you can't do that to me.
I'm like, fuck, do you want equality or do you want to be a fucking woman?
Which one? Now, when you say when something goes wrong, like when you get them in a headlock you mean in your
bedroom oh yeah when you fucking smack them around and they call the police you know you're not no
i'm kidding i know come on rick any type of any type of issue you know they you know and then um
i met donald trump oh i want to be equal. And then, you know, Donald Trump's going to say something, you know, and treat you like he treats men.
And then, oh, you can't treat me like that because I'm a woman.
Well, yes, some of them do that.
Some women do that.
They take advantage of that.
That's a good point.
I don't know how many, what the percentage is.
I'll look it up.
Rick, thank you.
But they do that. They want their cake and they want to eat it too you know who what's it mark norman's bits are great yeah about uh what was it um about job titles and
something about uh well you're the woman you should do the cooking what's he saying remember
how come your jobs are oh Oh, your stereotypes are all...
Pause.
I can't remember the joke.
Sorry, I brought it up.
I don't understand what...
He said a straight white man can vote Democrat.
What is that?
That doesn't even make sense.
A little bit.
That means you would have voted for Hillary Clinton.
I can't square that with anybody.
But, I mean, a straight voting Democrat in general...
I mean, can't I...
If I'm not gay, can't I have compassion for gay people and want them to have the rights?
Can I have compassion for...
Now you're falling back on the old stereotype that the Republicans
don't have compassion for gay people.
But that's what he said. I'm not talking about what people are saying.
I'm talking about this specific guy
that can't understand how a straight white man
could vote Democrat. First of all, there's millions
of them that are. I know, but, ugh.
Turning into women.
No, I know. I think he was speaking about this election that the choices and um you know you've been back to our hometown haven't you yes i just
love that he goes i don't know how do you actually believe these things what things i don't know so
you're just making a general argument that you've made to someone else first of all he said he said
he said you liberal guys lumping me into, and you.
Did he know what show he was calling?
Has he heard five minutes of this?
He sounds like a good guy.
I'm not one of these all Republicans are evil guys either.
I just, I like you and.
No, I know, but you believe that they don't have the best interest of like minorities
and poor people, which has been working.
It's been a fucking mantra of the left, and it's been working.
I see why they still say it, but really, I don't think it's true after reading a thousand books.
But I want a panty with blood on them.
Let's go to Billy.
No, let's go to, I'm sorry, Michelle.
Let's get a woman here.
Well, I'm looking for one.
Here's Michelle of Minnesota.
There we go.
Michelle Bachman.
Hello.
Hey, Nick.
How are you?
Good.
How are you doing?
Good. You're right there on my list of new celebrity boyfriends, just so you know.
Ooh, how old are you? What do you weigh? 35 and 125. Close enough.
So I guess I was just kind of trying to call about Dan, and he was making a point about
the South and what they were pushing were trying to push through the Senate
and about gays not being able to adopt and stuff like that.
Yes.
And you were talking about these stupid emoji panties.
Yes.
And I love gay people.
I think they should be able to adopt.
But at least the people that are disagreeing with gay people adopting
are pushing for what they think that they believe in like they're out there doing something making
uh emoji with with period scenes and it is not doing anything it's not pushing any agenda it's
like so ass backwards i mean i couldn't i cannot agree with what somebody's doing, but if at least they're productively
pushing their agenda forward,
it makes them productive.
Michelle, I mean, I understand where you're coming
from, but by that rationale,
Hitler, good for him.
At least he's pushing what he believes in. He's taking
action for his beliefs.
Murdering, you know, Jews.
Well,
I mean, yeah, I guess that i'm not trying to argue that
right i agreed i'm just saying that they're not going to get it voted in anyway my point is at
least they're being productive and pushing their agenda instead of standing there doing something
as stupid as saying that women should be feminist and the way that this feminist movement has moved
from what it was to what it is is ridiculous.
Women have so many more rights than men.
I can kill my unborn child if I want to without any man's knowledge or anything.
Regardless, if you want that baby, I can kill it.
You're not your choice.
In some places, they're battling for you not to have that right in a lot of places.
Yeah, but they've been battling since 1974.
It ain't going to happen.
You guys won that one.
I mean, I think it's horrendous.
I don't think that women should be able to just go out murdering children because they don't want them.
Well, you've never flown Delta with fucking three kids sitting behind you kicking the back of the seat.
It's also not murder, but that's neither here nor there.
Well, that's your opinion, that it's not murder.
I see women having more rights than men.
The only right that I see that I don't have is I can't walk around top with the public.
That's what I'm hearing.
You can't hear in New York.
Move to New York.
You should do that on the Puerto Rican Day Parade.
They love it.
You know what you do have the right to do?
Send me a text of your bosoms.
I'm not good on top, but I've got to ask.
I can promote people to show.
Oh, all right, Michelle.
I'll take both.
Thank you.
Go ahead.
I was actually on the bonfire talking to them,
and I did send them a picture,
and they said it belonged on Lowrider magazine.
Oh, that's Lowrider magazine.
So the Latino fellows will like it.
I'm not familiar.
Yeah.
Thanks, Michelle.
I didn't know War had their own magazine.
Appreciate it. War is the band. Yeah. Thanks, Michelle. I didn't know war had their own magazine. Appreciate it.
War is the band that had the song.
Yes.
George Lopez,
like theme,
made it popular.
Yeesh.
Boy, I really nailed it
with that Hitler thing.
I felt good.
I've never won an argument before.
No, that was good.
It wasn't an argument.
The reasoning on her brow
was a little flawed.
She was very sweet, though.
She was sweet.
Most of the people
on the right are.
It's the fucking angry dykes with the mutton chops that uh oh that's crazy i'm kidding i'm just horrible
people i'm just no i can't right now uh there's a lot more on the left that's how i feel but yes
back i i but i've been saying this forever to you back in the 40s and 50s yeah the right was wrong
they were fuck on the wrong side of race and civil rights. And I'm saying, now you guys are those people.
Shutting down speech, busting up fucking people, fucking burning down colleges, breaking windows when people disagree.
It's interesting.
I do think a lot of people watch, not all, a lot, some, watch these old documentaries of the 60s and the movement.
And they go, that seems amazing.
How cool to be Martin Luther King in Vietnam.
And we're taking it to the streets.
They just don't have as many things to fight for.
Legitimate things.
Yeah.
So it starts to be like period panties.
But now they want like, but now these groups,
these special interest groups, whatever you call them.
Special needs.
They want all black dorms.
Right.
They're for fucking segregation on college campuses.
And I'm not just saying black students.
White liberal people who run the campus are encouraging it.
We're going backwards.
I mean, they sound like George Wallace.
They want separate everything.
That's identity politics.
That doesn't come from the right.
And that's what's hurting us, in my opinion, for the last few years. That's fascinating. The freedom of speech thing has completely flipped
sides since the 60s. It's so fascinating. Yes. Yes, it has. Let's go to, what is it,
Matty in Vancouver? Hey, Nick. What's up, brother? Hey, man. You know what? I just wanted to thank you for being you.
I live in a super liberal city in Canada, and it's hard to be a right-wing white guy here.
And you know what?
Your view is something new, and I really want to thank you for it.
Well, I appreciate it.
I've been to Vancouver.
What a beautiful...
Joe, you've been to Vancouver?
I've been there a few times.
It's one of the most beautiful cities in the world.
It is.
It's very...
Gorgeous.
Yes.
But you're saying it's pretty
liberal in its politics,
is it? It's pretty liberal
and it's pretty racist against
white people. And, you know, I get
called a racist all the time for claiming that
racism against white people exists.
You know, you go into a Chinese restaurant
and don't get served because you don't speak the language.
And it's like, well...
What's going on, man? You went to a Chinese's like, well, you know. That happened to you?
What's going on, man?
You went to a Chinese restaurant and they wouldn't serve you.
That's a real story.
You're being 100% honest.
That's happened more than once.
More than once.
That's happened quite a few times. The Chinese are different in Canada than here.
Wow.
They could be angry.
Well.
I'll tell you after.
Okay.
If you go into, there's like a little part of Vancouver called Richmond,
and it's mostly Asian groups, and all four of them come in here, nice people.
But a lot of them are pushing for no English on the signage, only Chinese writing.
And it's like, you know, I grew up here.
How am I supposed to live in my old neighborhood if I can't read anything?
What's going on?
Yeah.
That's called anti-assimilation.
Thank you, Maddie, for the call.
Vancouver's awesome.
Appreciate it.
Love the city.
I went on a boat tour in Key West, and there was a bunch of Chinese.
I don't know.
They might not have been Chinese.
They were Asian.
I think they were Chinese.
And the deckhand, she goes, watch out for the boom.
It's a sailboat.
You know, it moves.
She goes, watch out for the boom.
It moves.
It might hit you.
And she goes, oh out for the boom. It's a sailboat. You know, it moves. She goes, watch out for the boom. It moves. It might hit you. And she goes, oh, it's dangerous.
She just kind of shit on it right to her face.
Who did that?
The Asian woman.
I couldn't believe it.
It was like the craziest thing.
I don't know.
I thought she was being funny or if there was a language.
She literally went, wah.
She's like, it's dangerous.
And the girl was like, all right.
Jesus Christ.
It was hilarious.
We were all dying laughing.
Who used to do the bit, Boston comedian, that the waiters, Chinese waiters, always sounded sarcastic?
I don't know.
Oh, Hugh Fink.
Hugh Fink, yeah.
Hugh Fink.
It is brilliant.
We only got a minute left, Joe.
Thank you, buddy.
Thanks for having me.
Seriously.
Joe, I look at him like, I tell him, I see him on TV, I see him on Conan.
I'm just proud that we've taken it, man.
Oh, thank you.
I appreciate it.
Yeah, thanks for coming in tonight.
Go see him at Cap City this Wednesday through Saturday in Austin, Texas.
And Tuesdays with Stories is his podcast.
Yes.
New episodes available every Tuesday on iTunes
and hit him up
at Joel,
at Joelist Comedy
on Instagram,
Twitter.
And thanks for coming in.
And that is it,
right?
Come see me in Seneca
on Thursday
with Big Jay Oakerson.
It's Nick DiPato.
I will talk to you
kids tomorrow. guitar solo I'm I'm I'm
I'm
I'm