The Nick DiPaolo Show - 191- Travel Ban

Episode Date: June 27, 2017

Travel Ban

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com. Hey. Oh, yeah. Hello, everybody. Welcome to the show, Monday. I think, not sure yet how many we're going to do. Got a few people going, hey, let's do a best of on Friday, and I don't really want to argue with them at this point. I've got to be honest with you.

But I'm just getting texts, these group texts my family is in, you know. I was just up in Boston last weekend, two weekends ago. It's quite a haul. And my sister, she's the cookout queen. Tremendous entertainer. And now she's going to have it on the 4th. And I got a brother in Ohio. I got another sister in Philly.

And they're all deciding who can come. And I haven't weighed in yet, but I'm just saying. Love my family and all, but I was just there. They can take about eight minutes of me. I can take about six minutes of them. And, you know, that is. That's a dangerous situation. That's a go. What the fuck was that noise?

Sit still, will you? Tin man. That's Andy Fury. Andy Flowers. And Brendan Stipes, the phone caller. Right now, he's on a phone. He's got the most serious look on his face, like he's actually talking to the Kremlin. He's working away in there.

I don't know what the fuck he's doing. I don't know. But, hey. I don't know how to make a restaurant. Did you hear that? I thought you'd get a bigger kick out of it, honestly. It wasn't very loud. Anyways, I don't know how to make a restaurant.

How you doing, folks? All kinds of shit to talk about. First, let me thank my contributors to my podcast. And if you say, well, what's the podcast? The Nick DiPaolo Podcast. And it comes out on iTunes on Monday for free. If you want to subscribe, it's $3.99 a month. And then you get three to four more shows a week.

And you go to connectpal.com slash Nick. Connectpal.com slash Nick to sign up. And people are still signing up. And I appreciate that. Timmy Yule has contributed. Christopher McKean. Dennis has contributed. Dennis Pamatuan also has contributed.

Thank you, guys. Those are regular contributors financially. They contribute financially on top of their $3.99 a month. And I appreciate that because, again, I have a liver disorder, and the wife needs new shoes. I have a liver disorder, and the wife needs new shoes. This week we're going to have Anthony Comey call in. I'd like to have him in, but, you know, he's persona non grata here,

and I'm surprised they even let him call in. You'd think he actually killed a black person. I mean, come on, for crying out loud. All the shit he did for this, then again I have to side with my bosses so I understand it's it's a tough call but uh we're gonna have Anthony call in and Norm Dwarman who is the own the owner of the comedy cellar and one of my favorite people in the business um and he leans right in his politics and he actually went to university of pennsylvania so and uh whatever else we might have some more surprises if you miss anything you can always catch up on demand for all my dates go to nickdip.com follow me on twitter and instagram at nick de palo blah blah live show update enough of this fucking horseshit why doesn't

this stuff all go away meet me at my house on Tuesday. We'll have beers and talk about my schedule. If you want to follow the show live, at the Apollo Show SXM. Enough of that. Well, what's in the news today? I'll give you a choice. We can start with the college professor

who said that that kid who came back from North Korea brain dead got what he deserved. She's a piece of ass, by the way. I googled her. I'd like to put a fucking bullet

in her fucking manly face. Also, the court partly reinstates President Trump's travel ban. So yay for him. And boo for CNN. And here's a story, Andyy you might be interested in enjoying regular sex can help prevent heart disease that's not good for me that's not good for you i think

you're including jerking off so you might be all right uh and then our buddy pete dominic you know pete dominic he has a show here and uh pretends to be a stand-up comedian and um no he's a good guy I guess call me a fucking racist I'm calling a good guy but anyways I guess Rush Limbaugh called him out on his radio show Pete was doing an interview on HLN which is a direct tv channel and um Rush Limbaugh called him out on Pete's baloney and Pete's very happy about it's the biggest thing on his resume. And what else did I want to talk? Tim Tebow's playing in the minor leagues,

and he's playing at some game in South Carolina. And, of course, they had to make fun of him, the opposing mascot and the guy on the PA system was playing Hallelujah every time. Because he's a Christian white male, and it's open season, even though we're not the ones lopping off heads. And by the way, I'm not that religious.

I call myself a Christian. Technically, I am. And also, CNN, are you still watching CNN? If you are, you're part of the problem. You're just a big liar yourself. They get caught with more fake news horse shit. And even the critic that works for cnn every every news organization has like a media critic of their own to sort of keep an eye on their own network they won't even

tell him what's going on so cnn is full of shit trump was right about all of it he's right most of the time when he's not you know getting a little nuts on the tweets but um that's the truth of it but uh this this college professor why don't we start there we didn't we never got an update on johnny eric williams the professor at trinity you know that guy that said all white people should die and we didn't get an update on him you know why we can't find an update on him because he probably still has a job i'm just guessing. That's why you can't get an update. Let's picture, let's say, just grab any conservative.

It's very hard. Let's say George Will said that about a black student, a black people. I don't know. You think you could find that on CNN or ABC, CBS, New York Times? Mother of God. 866-969-1969. 866-969-1969 is the phone number. And, yeah, that poor kid that came back. I'm calling him a kid.

A young man, Otto Wambayer, the American student, who got caught, you know, lifting a poster off a wall in Shitville, North Korea. And you know the story. He was in prison, hard labor for a while, and they sent him back. And basically brain dead, and then he died a few days later. Well, those goddamn North Koreans, huh? Every time I see Kim Jong-un, the Shemp Howard of that area, I always think of this. Mr. Eel, I was supposed to be allowed to inspect your palace today, and your guards won't let me into certain areas.

Hans, Hans, Hans, we've been through this a dozen times. I don't have any weapons of mass destruction, okay, Hans? Then let me look around so I can ease the but think of this. Every time I see that chubby shithead. How you like that, Shubby shithead. I'm angry with you, and we will write you a letter telling you how angry we are. There you go, Hodgepodge! How you like that, you fucking cocksucker?

You have any idea how fucking busy I am, Hodgepodge? Well, fuck you! You want inspection? We inspect that, you butt-fucking piece of shit! That clip shows the respect that we should have for North Korea and its leaders. That's right. The over-the-top stereotypical Asian accent. That's exactly...

Any reason? There's nothing on the screen? Usually, by this point, there's very technical difficulties. I see guys in there with, Brendan, with concerned looks on their faces, like they just found a premature baby under the seat. Anything? Can you just ask him? I'm just

curious. He's working. He's got his own issue, but it doesn't, it's not affecting the phone. Oh shit. Maybe somebody dropped that. Uh, what's that thing? That's going to destroy the grid. You don't know. Okay, you'll find out. You'll find out when you go to the fridge and your fucking milk is cheese and your parents' dialysis machine cut off. Anyways, why did I play that? Oh, because the college professor was commenting on Otto Wombier, that poor kid. This broad-slash-man and adjunct anthropology professor at the University of Delaware,

she drew some anger by criticizing Otto, the American college student who died when he got back here. Her name is Catherine Detweiler. If you want to Google her, she's a real piece of ass. She looks like a third base coach for every team in the mlb the arizona diamondbacks uh just just another just another i don't know how to describe her but again no guy was attracted to her and probably no girls wanted to hang out with her so what she's a frump frump that's being fucking generous what are you shitting me a frump. Frump? That's being fucking generous. What are you, shitting me? A frump is a 10 next to this fucking man. Fucking.

What a horrible. Catherine Twatweiler. Who lost. Oh, God, I'm furious. Just looking at her. I want to reach through the screen and choke her. She's not going to be rehired at the University of Delaware. You know why?

She had some comments about Otto Warmbier. Detweiler said in a since-deleted Facebook message and comment on an article about the late college student on the website of conservative magazine, The National View, that Otto Warmbier got exactly what he deserved. I'll repeat that. He got exactly what he deserved. I'll repeat that. He got exactly what he deserved. He said, she said, I mean,

or both, he went on to North Korea for fuck's sake. He went to North Korea for fuck's sake and then acted like a spoiled, naive, arrogant U.S. college student who had never had to face the consequences of his action. Detweiler, I see him crying in his sentencing hearing and thinking, what did you expect? She also added, how about a few moments of thought given to all the other people in North Korea who are suffering under the repressive government there? Just because they are North Koreans and not U.S. citizens,

we shouldn't care about them? See, because she didn't fit in to the mainstream in this country, because she's a bit of a biological aberration, her instincts to naturally take it out on a young, good-looking white guy. Because that's her archenemy. It's in her DNA to hate that guy. And she'd rather have sympathy for people that she's never met in fucking North Korea. So, I mean, how deep does the fucking hate run

for the far left? And how did she get a job in the first place? These people don't just turn fucking radical when they get there on the campus. They have a resume, but you hire them anyways. So he deserves to be dead, because he was a handsome,

he was a rich white guy who would never touch me sexually or it just we should care more about the North Korean citizens. That's more important. No, we shouldn't.

Actually. We can have sympathy for him and try to help him out. And yes, uh, Kim Jong-un and his whole family is psychopaths. We already fucking know all that. But, um, you know, in her world, it's all the same,

which it isn't. But keep it up. I'm glad you get fired. Now go do what you really want to do. Coach a girl's softball team. And flick your bean till you fall asleep. Or your dick. Whatever you got.

But you're a hateful fucking bitch. And I'm calling you out on it. Same as Johnny Eric Williams. Haven't got an update on him. We haven't got an update on him. The guy, the professor at Trinity College who said all white people should be, you know, fucking dead. I'm paraphrasing. It was much meaner than that and much more eloquent.

But we can't get an update on him. Why is that? Because he wasn't a conservative professor saying it about black people. Imagine if that was the case. Let's say the guy at DeVry, let's say the guy who teaches let's say the guy who keeps teaches air conditioning and ventilation and ventilation at devry said something you would turn on cnn new york times abc round the clock round the clock coverage of somebody white that said such thing but uh it's unbelievable i want to see i want somebody to put up, I want a picture of every professor at every college in this country.

I just want to look at them and tell you which ones. The ones, you know. I notice this woman has a haircut like me. What does that got to do with it? It's got everything to do with it. It's why she hates this country. She didn't fit in. She didn't fit in, and she went after the easiest.

Can you imagine saying that? Let's say a WNBA player, a gay woman went over to Korea and, uh, something similar happened and she came back brain dead. And I went, Hey, who cares?

Titless, flat ass bitch. Who cares? That's the equivalent of what she say. It's my, my theory and I'm sticking to it. Eight, six,

six, nine, six, nine I'm sticking to it. 866-969-1969. Hans Bricks. Let's play this song for, what's her name, Detweiler? Let's play a little song for her. Uh-huh. I like big kids. This goes out to Catherine Detweiler. By the way, it says in the article, she's a breastfeeding expert.

Isn't that funny? Isn't that ironic? I got it where you talk. Det Weiler. Here come no tits. It's a nice square jawbone. Hateful, hateful lesbian. All right. You smug cocksucker. All right. You smug cocksucker.

Fuck you. No, fuck you, Mrs. Detweiler. Imagine saying that. That kid's parents have to read that shit. I hope when she's walking dogs in a park, because that's what they do, a lot of them. Who's they? You know who I'm talking about. I hope she gets attacked in the park? Because that's what they do, a lot of them. Who's they? You know what I'm talking about. Nope, she gets

attacked in the park by a pit bull from the Bronx that has hep C. Bites her right in her flat ass. Yeah. Nick's fascination with race, Alex from Boston says. Yeah, let's listen to this liberal goop.

Alex, hello. Hey, I have a flat ass, too. I really do. I'm always so embarrassed in jeans. I'm like, Jesus Christ, I know my ass is concave. How dare you? Alex, there's an operation for that, you know. A lot of white broads do it.

Yeah. The doctor takes a cantaloupe, cuts it down the middle, and sews it to each ass cheek. Cool. I'm going to have somebody eat my ass. Nick, love the channel, love the show. Yeah. Get to it, will you?

I'm just curious. And it's not a hateful comment that I have or a question. It's not a hateful comment that I have or a question. I'm just curious about the fascination that you have with race and gender. It just seems like everything comes back to what the race of the person that made the comment, what the gender is. I'm just curious what the fascination is. Well, my fascination is with people, not maybe you, I don't know how you think, but with, like, CNN and ABC and the people that run Hollywood's fascination with races.

You're not going to tell me, Alex, it's not a double standard if a conservative guy said something like this about a black person, I would have to hunt on the Internet to up, like, you know, the professor at Trinity I'm talking about can barely get an update on that. If that guy was a white professor and said that about black people, you think it would be hard to find that story? Oh, it would be all over CNN, the New York Times for the next three weeks. That's all.

So I am fascinated. It's a reaction to their absolute, you know, I mean, that's, so you're kind of right, but it doesn't come from nowhere. Okay, and I understand, you, and I understand it's a comedy show and everything, and you've got to take everything tongue-in-cheek. No.

But no, I was really curious. I mean, I've been listening to you for the past two, three weeks, I guess, coming home from work. Yeah. And, yeah, so that was my question. So it's almost like you don't have the issue with the person in the news article. That's true. You know, the professor.

So I guess your anger comes from the coverage or the lack of coverage is what you're saying. Well, yeah. And the double standard. Gotcha. Yeah, absolutely. And gender. I mean, come on. Can you this whole idea? There's no difference. The only difference is between men and women is socially constructed. It's a crock of shit. In my opinion, I was just curious, but I but I will say, please, please keep our flat asses out of your conversation. All right, Alex. Good call.

Thank you. But I'm telling you. Now, see, that was like my favorite call so far since we've been on the air. Because he does make a good... Yeah, I'm fascinated. And if you're not fascinated for different reasons, he probably doesn't see this. A lot of people... I had to point out to a lot of people about how white men are

betrayed in tv and in commercials and stuff and it's not my fucking imagination because when i brought it up years ago the phones lit up on opie and anthony and um it's you know it's like a well kept secret they they're not very overt about it the people who do this shit they're very slick in their uh presentation should i say but um this goes back way back to the 80s i used to look every you know just watch the movie philadelphia just watch that you want to see the most politically correct movie ever with tom hanks about aids and memories a lawyer he gets aids Just watch how old white guys are portrayed like lawyers. You know, it's, any movie from the 80s.

And I'm not the only one that feels this way, unless you still have your head up your ass and you can't pick up on the, you know, and now it's spilling into real life. Art is imitating,

life is imitating art or vice versa, however. But you can't tell me the hatred for white males. It's palpable now. And it's not just in movies and sitcoms and stuff. It's on college campuses. And I think I stand by my comments.

But he's right. I'm more fascinated with the bigger picture. I call it the macro than the micro. But, you know. Let's go to Mark in New York on line three. Mark, how you doing? Welcome to the show. Hi, how are you, Nick?

Pretty good, thank you. I just wanted to say that, you know, I know what you're saying about Ms. Detweiler, and I think the way she explained herself was wrong. Yeah. But I think that you have to realize when you leave this country, you're not protected by America anymore. I'm a former Marine. I retired in 1995.

And I'm older now. And I tell my children that travel that when you go to a different country, you're not going to have a slap on the wrist. You have to watch where you are and know your surroundings and know who you are and know that being American, you have a target on your back. No. and know who you are and know that being American, you have a target on your back. So if you go to a place like North Korea and you start tearing things off the wall, it's not going to be a stop and a risk, and your parents are going to come pick you up. You have to stand by what you did.

And I think that what happened is horrible, and I think the way she said it was horrible. And I don't agree with us having to worry about the Korean people. But, you know, the whole point itself is he put himself in that position he made a mistake and he the situation he was in he created that was just terrible that it happened but if he had a little uh uh knowledge before he went there he probably would have been much better off no i and i agree with 99 of that but she's saying he got what he deserved that was her quote so that's where she's full of fucking shit yeah that was i think that was a little harsh yeah i think he created the situation but i think what americans and they were talking about americans and how americans

are portrayed in general right i think i've seen it myself when i was in the service they go to different countries and they think that because i'm american they can't touch me and that's just not true yeah no no absolutely but um you know it's got nothing to do with him being a spoiled white kid if this if this was a if this was a fat lesbian chick she wouldn't have said that how about that you know if she was a sergeant, the Marines name, Karen. Hey, Mark, thanks for your service. My dad was a Marine, too, is a Marine. My dad, too.

I appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you, brother. Good point. Absolutely. You have to be careful. And we are spoiled and stuff. But that's not the problem with her statement.

He deserved it. Rich white kid. She wouldn't have said it if it was a woman or a lesbian or LGBT, transgender. You know. It goes deeper than that. God, did it piss me off. Piss me the hell off. Now, she got canned.

And I heard the University of Texasxas says picking her up they think maybe as a uh defensive tackle i'm not upset how can't you if you're a straight white male how can't you if again unless you're just a little lackadaisical and and again i'm a comic i have time to pay attention to this but But that doesn't make it any less legit. You know? Mark in Phoenix, where it's 171 degrees Kelvin. Mark? It's 172.

But actually, I love the show, Nick. Thanks, Mark. I've been listening to you since I heard you on Wilco. And I think it's the greatest thing that I've heard since I don't know when. And I'm telling you, whatever goes on, I'm a retired deputy sheriff in California. Oh, there you go. 29 years. Well, thank you for your service.

And I listen to this bullshit that comes out of this stuff, and it just drives me insane. and it just drives me insane. And I don't understand how in the hell any normal person can look at the facts and not come to a conclusion that this is the most upside-down, ass-backwards crap we're looking at in our whole lives. Right. As far as what's going on in our country today.

Yeah, it's crazy. It is. Because, you know, anybody with an open mind, and you know, I hear, you know, the thing I love about some of the people that call in, the other comics and other people that you have known. Yeah. And they say, you know, I don't like your politics, but you're a great guy. I know. And, you know, I love your politics. There is no one thing that you said that I don't like your politics, but you're a great guy. I know. And, you know, I love your politics. There is no one thing that you said that I don't disagree with.

But I can see how other people would say that. And I've never heard that before. It's like, you're hateful, you know, this and that. And I, you know, come on, man. Why can't we just all get along? Yeah, you and that. And I, you know, come on, man. Why can't we just, you know, why can't we just all get along? Yeah, you hear that a lot. I don't agree with any of your politics. And I feel like saying, stop there.

But I love your comedy. Well, they're not mutually exclusive. My inner thoughts and my comedy spill out. And a lot of my comedy comes obviously reacting to society and the world that surrounds me so you have to agree with some of it they're like i don't agree with any really so so you're bullshit you really come on let's just be honest i mean come on anybody with open mind then you gotta have an open mind to look at it well if you look at these other the the

abc networks or whatever nobody who watches that shit anymore? I know. I mean, they are so over the top, God damn, I mean, holy smoke. Not this Fox News, that's the thing Obama said, Fox News. You know, Fox News is against me. You know, there's a lot of liberal, kind of left-winging kind of people on Fox News. I know. That's fair and balanced, quote unquote.

You know, and it is. For the most part, I was watching Gutfeld the other night. Oh, my God, I fell out of my chair. It was so funny. Yeah, well.

I don't know if you had a chance to see that. No, I was. That last show that Gutfeld just did, the last, what is it, Friday?

Yeah. Saturday, whenever the guy's on. Oh, my God. It was hilarious. The wrestler guy just blows my mind. That guy whenever the guy's on. Oh, my God. It was hilarious. The wrestler guy just blows my mind. That guy is, he's hilarious.

All right, Mark. I'm up against a break here, but thank you for your service. Imagine being like a sheriff out there. They're saying the paint is literally boiling and stuff out there. Like, shit's burning up. It's so hot.

But you don't have to love my, you know, not to have to agree on politics completely, but to say I don't have to love my you know i'm not saying i have to agree in politics completely but to say i don't agree with any of it really you know you're not for fucking protecting the borders and and because that's all i'm for tiny government you want more you want more tax want more people on the fucking doll and shit what do you you really think we're all gonna hold hands and live in one world get off that shit it's fucking silly but uh let's talk more about this since the phones are lighting up when we come back and we will discuss more about uh you know these college

professors that say this stuff and if anybody out there can get me a update on johnny eric will is that his name johnny eric will, Trinity College professor, racist, black racist professor. Because it's very hard to find. Like I said, it's very hard to get an update on that. But I'd like to hear from you. 866-969-1969. Back after this. You're listening to the Nick DiPaolo Show on Faction Talk Sirius XM 103.

And now, back to The Nick DiPaolo Show on SiriusXM, Faction Talk 103. Well, hello there. Final segment of the evening, folks. 866-969-1969 is the phone number if you'd like to join in the fray. I was just reading an article. Again, it comes out of the UK, so take it for those papers over there. It's always some crazy shit. But they say the guys that are having sex, it'll prevent heart disease.

I mean, how so? It lowers something in your blood, a chemical, a harmful chemical that know, heart attacks and whatnot. It's homocysteine. And, uh, yeah. So if you're banging away, that goes down in your blood. But again, I asked the question, what if you're doing it manually on your own?

Do you get the same effects? So I call somebody who would know that and it was larry king hello larry you're on my i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about um but um the chemical is a vital building block of proteins and occurs naturally in the body one previous study found intercourse twice a week haveved a man's chances. That's halved, like cut and halve, folks. It halved a man's chances of clogged arteries compared to those indulging less than once a month. So Dick Cheney apparently wasn't getting nothing. Trying to think of somebody else with a bet.

Wait a minute. Now, Bill Clinton breaks the fucking, it goes against the theory here. Clinton was getting all kinds of tang, getting a humzinger under the table in the Oval Office, and this guy had to have his heart rebuilt. So, there goes that theory. But I'd like to hear from you people out there who don't get laid and have high cholesterol, or reverse that. I got a story about Tebow.

I'm going to get to that tomorrow. I think it's better we save Tebow tomorrow. People picking on a Christian. That takes a lot of balls, huh? Wow. A lot of balls. But, yeah, so have a lot of sex, fellas. And apparently the women, it doesn't help out that much.

I'm sure there'll be a feminist group picketing, saying that that's not right, that blood equality should be the same. What was the name? Detweiler? What was the hateful professor? The titless wonder who was an expert on breastfeeding? That was kind of ironic, huh? I'm an expert on huge cock. There's some irony there. was kind of ironic, huh? I'm an expert on huge cock. There's some irony there.

What kind of talk is that? Well, it's radio talk. It's faction talk. Jimmy in Memphis, how are you? Welcome to the show, Jimmy. Hey, Nick. How are you? I'm telling you, Jimmy, I'm having the time of my life making mediocre money. How are you doing? I'm good, yeah.

I was calling to say, like, what happens if you're having a threesome? Would that make it even higher of, like, you burn two times the amount of cholesterol? Let's think about this, Jimmy. How about if you hit him? And also, wouldn't Mick Jagger live until he's like 175? Well, who says he isn't? I mean, he doesn't look a day over 136. But that's actually a good point, you know?

Jag is not going to die. But how about if you're with a dirty hooker who has hep C and shit? Does it cancel out the... I mean, you're having sex, but she just got a tattoo on her labia by a guy in the parking lot of an A&P. And what happens if you're eating a bacon cheeseburger while you're doing it? Does that cancel it out? I think we beat this horse into the ground, Jimmy. All good points, Jimmy.

I guess what you can take away is get out there, get laid. I'm sure married guys are going to die a lot sooner. If any of this is true, depending. Yeah, I mean, I'm always, you know,

I try to chase pussy as much as I can. Yeah, do you ever catch it? Sometimes, yeah, if I get lucky. All right, Jimmy. Thanks for the call. Gotta love Memphis, don't you? When I have sex, I like to...

This is the song that gets my wife aroused. She's part... I put on a headdress. I come in the bedroom. I come in with a headdress on. And I have that flaming arrow, just like the guy at the Florida State at the beginning. And I stick it right in their shag carpeting. That's right, I said shag carpeting.

And then I run out of the room bare-ass. I don't even fuck her. She just gets turned on by that. And if she's good, I'll hit her with a tomahawk. Oh, I run out of there. I don't do anything to her, but I'm dressed like an Indian. She lays there going, I tried.

I did the best I could. What about me? What am I supposed to do? Ah, goodness gracious, Heloise. Let's go to Mark on line three. Hey, Mark. Hey, Nick. Listen, I found when I was chasing pussy

that I had really good, healthy heterocysteine levels. Yeah? Pretty good. But now that I'm second talk, really good, healthy heterocysteine levels. Yeah. Pretty good. But now that I'm second talk, I got great homocysteine levels. So it really worked out well. Well, good for you, Mark. That's terrific. I like women personally.

You got it, buddy. Okay. Thank you so much. Thanks for taking the wind out of this. Oh, God. You smoke cocksucker. Fuck you. Hey, watch your mouth, Dr. Melfi.

I don't know. I smoked a lot of cigarettes today. I'm starting to get into the... You know, I told you I'd have one sometimes. It usually was right after I worked out. Every once in a while I'd have them before I work out, just so I have something to cough up. But now, I had like four or five this morning after I didn't work out either, unless you call making, you know, bacon and eggs working out.

But I love where I live. I'm sitting nude on my front steps bare ass with a nice cigarette huh sure there's like a okay especially this kid kind of he's not right in his head that lives across the street and i thought i saw him looking out the window. But I kept smoking anyway, so give the kid a little show. Oh, my God. What am I talking about? Oh, yeah, cholesterol levels. I've always been on the high side a little bit, but that's exaggerated, too, by the way, folks.

You know who told me that? Gutfeld. Who would know more than... He used to write an article, actually. Help. But, you know, they sell pills. Those... That Lipitor shit.

They make trillions. Oh, you're 280, 290. So what? Some people, like Norm MacDonald, his was over 400. I remember Letterman's too. Letterman was like around 380 or something then he goes it's because i was eating sticks of butter on the way to work yeah good but uh i gotta believe

in i didn't know had you ever heard of this chemical in your blood no never heard of it here's when i stopped listening to this type of advice and about ago, a year and a half ago. My whole life, I've been hearing how omega-3 fatty acids, salmon, best thing in the world for your prostate

if you're a guy, right? That's all I've been hearing. And then I read an article saying it might be bad for you. That's when I said, now they're just fucking with our heads.

You know what I mean? And to prove it, I went out and ate a hook or I farmed behind a dumpster in the Bronx. Stephen Queens, your thoughts. Funny stuff. Hey, what's up, Nick?

How you doing, Stevie? All right, brother. Well, I'm into, you know, I'm into health, taking supplements and stuff. And I've always heard of homocysteine, like the levels being elevated, not good. But I think, Nick, I mean, you said you haven't heard of homocysteine, like the levels being elevated, not good. But I think that, I mean, you say you haven't heard of this before, but to me it's general thinking. It's just like a hug.

It lowers the stress levels. It's all tied in. Yes. And I think, you know, with sex, I mean, I'm not trying to be funny here. It doesn't help the women, probably, because the guy's the only one getting released. You know what I mean? And I'm not, I don't know. Speak for yourself. Hey, speak for yourself, Steve.

When I get down with my bitches, they can't even, I mean, they are just tired, man. I'll wear the motherfuckers out. No, I had never, Steve, I had never heard of a homocysteine. Specifically, I'd never really heard that phrase. Yeah, I couldn't define it, you know, but I have read all the years that it's a cause of certain issues in the body, you know, inflammation or whatever. I don't know. I mean, I'm just guessing.

But, you know, I heard it's elevated levels is not good for you. So I think with sex, getting a hug, you know, maybe massage. I don't know. It's all related to lower stress levels. Yes. No, you're right. You're actually making good points. But I'd rather, I think, a handjob than a hug.

You know what I mean? I'm with you on that, man. All right, Stevie boy. Take care, Nick. Thanks. Thank you for the call. I just had never heard specifically. Maybe I have.

I have so much information in my head, but I don't know how to make a restaurant. I used to date a girl from the Middle East. She was from Qatar. When I would really put her to her And she came She'd fucking go She would yell that Really

Can you imagine Oh for Christ's sake folks If it's the funniest show on Channel 103 from 6 to 8pm in the East I don't know about it 866-969-1969 folks if it's a funniest show on uh channel 103 from 6 to 8 p.m in the east i don't know about it 866-969-1969 866-969-1969 i want to hear from some fat dude out there whose cholesterol is through the roof yet he still gets laid whether you pay for it or not well what would you like andy your thoughts god damn it andy beat me, beat me to it. Flowers beat me to it.

Look, every time I look at CNN, it just said, under this new health care bill, 22 million people will be uninsured. That's true if they choose to be uninsured. You lying, motherless fucks. You keep repeating that. Okay? Apparently, you don't need health care. If you fuck enough, you're going to lower all your fat levels, cholesterol, your heart. But they keep putting that up there.

CNN has to be disbanded. Somebody that lives in Atlanta set that place to goddamn blaze. With silly string. Let me clarify that. I don't want to get in trouble. I'm waiting. You know how like Ann Coulter goes to a book signing and somebody throws

a pie in her face? Where's the... I want to see... I want to see Adam Schiff. You know, let me get hit with a cruller. Anybody? Well,

I'm going to use this as an excuse when I have the physical and my cholesterol is still up there and say, The Wipe, this is your fault. You're sitting there watching fucking Friends reruns. I'm downstairs planning tomorrow's show. Hey, Zach in Pittsburgh went to a fine stand-up comedy show last Friday night. Zach, tell us about the show. Hey, the show was great.

The greatest thing, I think, was the surprise guest set by your boy there, Robert Kelly, man. He just totally killed. Well, why was he the surprise guest set? I love Bobby. It wasn't on the flyer or the advertisement. The host came out and said,

you know, hey, we've been trying to get him for years to come out for the DVE Comedy Fest. You guys demanded it, and then before Colin came on, he comes out, you know. Good 25-minute set just kills. So what was the festival?

That's the local morning like rock station, WDVE. The past six or seven years, they do the DBE Comedy Festival. And this year, Colin headlined it. So who else? Yeah, Colin had mentioned it to me, actually, on the phone from Pittsburgh. He was calling me from the Doubletree Inn.

So it was him, Bob Kelly, and who else? Rachel Feinstein, right? Yeah, yeah, Rachel, and then Billy Crawford from the morning show. Very funny stand-up level guy was there, did an opening set. That's the first time I got to see. Also, Kevin Brennan was on it, correct? Oh, so a bunch of happy guys. Yeah, yeah.

Billy Crawford, Kevin Brennan, Rachel, Robert, and then Colin. That's a nice lineup. Good for you. That's one hell of a lineup. Yeah. That's the first time I got to see Rachel live. And I tell you what, at first I was excited.

I might have live mental pics for the Spank Bank, but then I think she stole the show. She stole the show? I think she stole the show. In the future, she doesn't get books. I don't think it's because the industry discriminates against women. It's probably because they're afraid

she'll be more funny than them. She killed. She had a great set, yeah. No kidding. Well, good for her. Good for everybody. Sounds like everybody terrific. I think I've finally figured out why Colin Quinn may be the greatest stand-up ever. Why is that? I mean, I've seen him live multiple times.

I've seen all his specials. But I jotted out some notes. About 25 minutes and 34 seconds, all logical segues and full sentences go out the window, yet everybody's still laughing. You know, I don't even know if we knew what he was saying, but, you know, we're still all laughing. We're dying.

Colin is brilliant. And, hey, thanks we're still all laughing. We're dying. Colin is brilliant. And, hey, thanks for that report, Zach. I appreciate it. No problem. All right, you guys. Love you guys. Talk to you later. Take care, pal.

See that? He said he loved us. A couple guys have said that. I don't get that from my family anymore. They go, when are you going back to New York? You're getting on our nerves. And I go, for Christ's sake, I've been here for 45 minutes. Please come to Pittsburghittsburgh she said and so apparently rachel feinstein knocked the shit out of the crowd i'm gonna have to see it to believe it don't mean to

be sexist i know she does a lot of character work like her mother uh doing a jamaican or some type of stuff always funny when i've seen her. Just saying. You know, it's a heavy line up there. What's Trump talking about now? Trump tearing apart Obama's Legacy One policy to have good. And that's on CNN,

by the way. What are you doing, Andy? I was going to put Trump on. Oh, were you? That's all right. I'll tell you to do that. All right. Fucking flowers. put Trump on. Oh, were you? That's alright. I'll tell you to do that. Alright. Fucking flowers. He wants

his own show so bad it's killing him. Oh, come on. We'll get you one here. You can talk about cooking with Roland. Please come to Denver. She said no. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! Take it easy, Uncle Junior. Agitated.

Kenny in South Carolina, line two. Kenny, how are you doing? What's up, fellas? I was just going to say, I'm down here in South Carolina. I'm a Christian still. It still seems pretty prevalent down here, but it almost seems like the liberal, like, PC whole bullshit, like you're talking about with CNN, like, taking the place of how people used to not ever say anything bad about religion, or like, they just kind of, oh, you don't say anything about that, or

like, you'd be a bad person if you said something about that. Kenny D. Yeah, go ahead, Ken, sorry. Yeah, I was just going to say, it just seems to me like that's almost, like, taking the place of it, you know, because it seems like a lot of people don't care as much about religion and stuff, and that now it's like you're a bad person if you talk about, you know, PC shit, you know, whatever it be, you know. Yeah, well, tomorrow, I'm actually going to talk about that tomorrow because, you know,

Tim Tebow played in a minor league game in South Carolina, and they were kind of... Yeah, he's playing in my hometown. Yeah, and apparently, you know, the mascot and the other team was kind of poking fun at him, and you never do that. If a fucking Muhammad was leading off and playing shortstop, nobody would

fucking do that. But let me ask you something. Can't you have a lot of sex? What's your cholesterol level? I don't even know my cholesterol level. But, yeah, I mean, I get laid. You know, in my early 30s. But, you know, I get my fair share. Good for you.

Not as much as I used to. You got to lie to the girls. You got to tell them it's going to lower their cholesterol. And then you just, you know, you got to. And got to lie to the girls. You got to tell it's going to lower their cholesterol. And then you just... Exactly. You know, you got to... I didn't mean to... Now I got a new one.

You know, what's your cholesterol, baby? There you go. What's your cholesterol? If she says it's over 180, like, we got to bring that down. Get in the back of my van. What I like to do is I have a van and I pretend I have a... I wear a fake cast on my arm and I pretend I'm trying to lift a couch of my van. What I like to do is I have a van and I pretend I wear a fake cast on my arm. And I pretend I'm trying to lift a couch into the van.

Have you ever seen this? Ted Bundy did this. This is actually what Ted Bundy used to do, by the way. Thank you, Kent, for the call, Kent. Thanks, sir. Appreciate it. Kent had the energy of a paraplegic underwater. Holy Christ.

I don't know. I got to lay it a little bit. I got to suck a bunch of broad here and there, but get me some pussy somehow. You ever do that? You put a fake cast on, you get a van. That's what Ted Bundy did. Am I confusing my serial killers?

Well, that's exactly what they did signs of the lambs go ahead bill yeah it was jame gum from uh buffalo bill is that what it was yeah but i think bundy could have done that too it's might have where they got it from that's what i'm saying i think they might have got it for him i know my cousin used to do it and only he he had a smart car and he didn't. She was a big girl, sir. You can tell Jody Foster's way she delivered that. She was a match.

Just fuming. Yeah, she was a great big fat girl. I do that. I do that guy. I put my I push my prick between my legs and I look in the mirror. My wife caught me in the bathroom.

She ain't great, big fat girl. And then my wife goes, yeah, she was big, big girl. I can clear the phones, huh?

Like a, I can clear the phones like that, that big thing we're expecting. everybody's predicting this pulse thing that's going to knock the grid out you know i'm talking about oh yeah it's an explosion over the atmosphere that's going to take down a whole grid there's a guy on a lot of people on tv talking about it that's that's the most dangerous thing that could happen to us it's the same people who

hack and how to do this shit it's like an emp EMP? It's an EMP. What's that stand for? Do you know, Brendan? Electromagnetic pulse. Thank you. That's right. It's a giant electromagnetic pulse above the atmosphere, and it's going to knock our grid out. And the guy on TV is supposedly an expert. He was an expert on that and breastfeeding.

But he said tens of millions of people will die within months because you know the hospital systems go down your refrigeration goes down and uh i'm actually looking forward to it i'm a little bored with my life and i bought a shotgun and but yeah did you ever hear that i have so we got that to look forward to. That's coming soon. I think I could survive. Hey, Rob in Long Island says, I was right about Ted Bundy. Rob, go ahead.

Nick, I'm out near Riverhead where I've seen you do your gig out there. Ted Bundy did do the couch, but he's trying to have somebody help put it up there. Old Volkswagen Beetle. Yes. Yes. Yes. I don't know how he convinced them to do that.

I think he did. He had, no, you're right. He had a Volkswagen Beetle. And didn't he, did he have a van too when he did the couch? I don't know if he had a van, but he had his arm in a sling like a cat. So he had it all. He had the couch. He had the arm in a sling. He had the couch. He had the arm in the swing.

He had the beetle. Yeah, the girl should have known. The girl should have known when you're trying to get an eight-piece sectional into a fucking Volkswagen Beetle something something. Totally. I agree. All right, Rob. Thanks for that serial killer update. I think he had a bunch of other things.

Did he have a van too? I can't know you're right. He had a bunch of other people. Didn't he have a band too? I can't understand your argument. You got to get a new phone or a new... He had his radio on. Oh, the radio was on. Was that what it was? Yeah. Yeah, Ted Bundy was the inspiration for Buffalo Bill.

Oh, for Christ's sake. Huh? Now, Brendan's so young that he thought it was just a movie thing. I was around when Ted Bundy was pulling his shit down at University of Gainesville. He went into a sorority and took out a bunch of, can you imagine how lucky he was to get into a sorority? No, folks, that's not funny. The guy would have a fake cast on and furniture. Oh, my God.

Help me. Talk about desperate. That's a lot of effort. You might as well just date legitimately. I'm going to go to the furniture store. Pick up. And how do you get a fake cast? That means nothing to anybody, Andy.

I bet it does. I bet it doesn't. Cue Lazarus? Goodbye, horses. It's under Brendan. What? This is when he's dancing around. Yeah, the guy puts his dick between his legs.

That guy. I bet people caught it. Yeah, I'd say 11 to 12 people caught that. And I've seen that movie 100 times, okay? I don't have the soundtrack in my car. Fucking, he plays it like it's American Pie. Oh, my aching stomach. No, she's a great big fat girl.

She was a big girl, sir. Yeah, she was a big girl sir Yeah she was a big girl Yeah I just said that That guy What a juicy role When can I audition for that I would love to put my prick Between my legs in an audition

Just to offend the Frumpy Casting people By the way I have no up Did I tell you guys Real quick about that What happened in the audition

When I got the My phone rang A half hour later Yeah Yeah you did We talked about it on Friday real quick about what happened at the audition when my phone rang a half hour later? Yeah. Yeah, you did. I did. We talked about it on Friday. See, this is what happened. I took Valium last night, by the way.

I took Trazodone, a glass of red wine, and Valium, and it knocked me out for eight hours, folks. I found the combination. It's the same thing that killed fucking Liza Minnelli. Wait a minute. I don't think she's dead yet. No, her daughter, Judy. Judy Garland. See?

It destroyed my mind. But it knocked me out for like seven and a half hours. That's a lot of sleep for a kid like me. I'm down there. Down in my basement like a psychic.

Big glass of red wine. My wife's Valium. I took the Valium, waited an hour, then took the Trazodone. It's unbelievable. It's a nice feeling. I see why we have so many pill heads in this country.

Anyways, folks, I got to wrap it up here soon. But tomorrow I want to talk about how Tebow is treated at the old ball game. And we're going to have Anthony, maybe, Anthony Comey might call in tomorrow, I think. That should be interesting. He's so different than me. And Frank Santorelli, the guy that played Georgie on The Sopranos,

the bartender Tony used to whack around, he called me. He wants to be on. I said, come down. I don't want to do it over the phone. So he's going to come to the New York. I don't know when. We're going to set a date. That could be, I don't know, this week, next week, whatever.

But we've got all that to look forward to, folks. Thanks to all the callers tonight. Thanks to Flowers and Stipes. It's DiPaolo. Talk to you guys tomorrow.