The Nick DiPaolo Show - 197- Charlottesville/ Nick's Bat Story

Episode Date: August 15, 2017

Charlottesville/ Nick's Bat Story 

You're listening to Nick DiPaolo on the Riotcast Network, Riotcast.com. Hello, everybody. Nick DiPaolo, white, straight male. I'm proud of it, goddammit. How are you? Monday, yuck. Yuck. Forget how to do radio. Only takes me two days to forget.

Good to be with you. First of all, thank you to my friend Jonathan Keller. Why? Well, Jonathan Keller sent a lot of money to my podcast. If you want to sign up for the podcast, go to connectpal.com slash nick. Connectpal.com slash nick. You get a free show on Monday and then four more shows for $3.99 a month. That's less than a buck a week.

Is it not, Andy? more shows for $3.99 a month. That's less than a buck a week, is it not, Andy? But Jonathan Keller's been a heavy hitter since I started doing the podcast. Connectpal.com slash Nick, if you want to sign up for the Nick DiPaolo podcast.

Brendan does a nice job. We boil down two hours into, you know, 50 to an hour or whatever you get the best of if you don't have serious radio. I don't know why you wouldn't unless you're driving on a Vespa. It's the other thing in the York.

You gotta get rid of those rickshaws. I'm trying to fucking get through time. I got a guy on a rickshaw pedaling in front of me with two fat chicks from Ohio

that weigh about 760 each. He's doing about an eighth of a mile an hour but he's right in the middle of the fucking... Oh, God. What a cesspool. de Blasio, I hope your eyes fall out at the gym you rat bastard how are you west coast good good good to see you 866-969-1969

866-969-1969 of course we'll get to charlottesville in a few minutes and the bastardization of uh trump's message and uh it's a lot of fun to to watch throw him into he's a he's for the clan and white supremacists but you know his wife converted to i mean his daughter converted to judaism he's got a jewish brother son-in-law who he made ambassador to israel but yeah he's definitely white supremacist that's the that's the acts of a has been just unbelievable. We'll get to that in a few. But good weekend. Good weekend.

Sports fan, anybody out there? Oh, by the way, next week, this week, what am I saying, tomorrow, coffee's going through me like a nice bag of Coke. What? He doesn't do that. Bob Kelly's going to be here. Robert Kelly, you know him as. Tomorrow. And then Dan Natterman will also join us on Thursday.

Danny Natterman, very funny comedian. He's Noam Dwarman's radio partner on Raw Dog. And I don't know. Can we have him in here? Because I'm probably alt right now. And Dan Natterman's Jewish. I don't know if I should have let him. A lawyer and funny comedian and uh vinnie brand owner of the stress factory where i will be playing august 25th and

26th with andy fiori my producer here uh he's the owner of the stress factory he'll be here and we'll bust his balls about running a tighter ship and not having the shows go four and a half hours like we're raising money for sick kids and then come see me september 16th at the new town theater new town pennsylvania if you want ticket information go to nickdip.com get all my dates buy a t-shirt and a nice uh jogging bra hit me up at twitter at instagram at insta what am I saying? Jesus Christ. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, at Nick DiPaolo. You know how to spell it. Anyways,

Andy, you're a Yankees fan, and the Red Sox, my team, came into New York for a big series. Mm-hmm. A three-game series. And on Thursday night,

the Sox blew a 3-0 lead late in the game. they gave it away. That was great. It was great. This rivalry is back, folks. I know, it's back. And the next day, my boy, probably going to be my favorite Red Sox, eventually,

Andrew Bendintendi, 23 years old. He's got black curly locks. He looks like a young Elvis, studley kid he hit two three run homers and and soon as he did that i went oh jesus you know what's going to happen in about five years the yankees are going to come after him because that short porch and right this kid will have 60 homers if he plays at yankee stadium and so we beat the stuff out of the Yankees 10-5 on Saturday. And then last night was unbelievable. Unbelievable. Great baseball.

I don't care if you're a Yankees fan, Red Sox fan. It was tremendous baseball. I really think the rivalry is back. Aaron Judge, Mookie Betts, Ben Attendee, and just the whole. It's good again. And the Yankees this year have been slapping the socks around until this weekend. So I think it's back. And last night, the Yankees get a run in the bottom of the eighth to go up, was it 2-1 or whatever?

Yeah, 2-1. And bring in Aroldis Chapman, who throws 103 miles an hour. So what do we do? We put up our little 20-year-old. He's the second youngest player in baseball. This kid named Devers, Rafael Devers. He's got a baby face, another lefty. So now you get a left-handed hitter against a left-handed pitcher,

which is a no-no for the offense. You're not supposed to be able to lay a bat on this guy. Plus, he's thrown 103. And so what does that little rookie Devers do? on 103. And so what does that little rookie Devers do? Fly ball to deep

left center field. Devers has hit it out. The rookie takes Chapman the other way to tie the game. Heartbreaking. Oh my goodness. And then they load the bases in the next inning.

Was it 10th inning or whatever? Yeah, 10th. And Benintendi drives in the winning run. That's all I got to say. It was good for baseball. It's good for New York. Anytime Yankees-Red Sox gets that. We're one wild pitch away from an ugly rivalry again.

Somebody's going to get beamed. It's going to be one incident, and it will be back to 1978, back to 2003. That's going to get beamed. It's going to one incident and it will be back to 1978 back to 2003. That's what I'm hoping. I'm hoping Chris Sale lets one go right into the air air hole of

Brett Gardner. He seems like a real punk. I've never liked Gardner to be honest. He's a one of those guys I say that but I'd love him on my team

but he's got that face I want to choke him. He looks like a white supremacist, Brett. Oh God. But, uh, oh goodness. Was that great, huh? And later on in the show, I was terrorized in my own house last night and, uh, we'll get to that. That was scary. People know the history of my comedy. You might know what I'm talking about but uh let's get to the obviously the big news is charlotte's will virginia and um i'm sorry man and and again let's keep in mind i didn't vote for trump okay

i voted for him in the you know presidential but in the primaries he wasn't even my guy so it's not like i fucking love this guy either but i'm just saying i think he's been right on the right the big issues. Yes, I know he's not well-spoken. That makes him an asshole. He didn't go to Harvard, and he's just a fucking mook. But anyways, you know, the whole shit went down. The Robert E. Lee statue,

and then all the goons show up, the white supremacists, the Klan, and, you know, we're using alt-right now. I noticed they, see, I'm watching the mainstream media, alt-right was, that's what they labeled Steve Bannon, and probably anybody like me, that, you know, fucking is proud of America, you're alt-right, racist, whatever. Now they're using that to spray everybody as, you know,

mix us all in together, and Bannon's a, you know, white supremacist. And, of course, the president's a white supremacist and of course the president's a white supremacist it's so obvious right i mean um you know jewish son-in-law who helped get him elected and his daughter converted to judaism and um all these things gave money to the clintons and you know he's a real right winger trump, Trump. Real conservative, I say, kiddingly. But, of course, we all hate the scum, the neo-Nazis and the Klan. But people have a right to assemble. People are upset about that statue coming down, as they have a right to be.

Some people have relatives in the South and whatever. But the media, right away away focus on trump's statement here's his first statement and i know he was going to catch it i know it even watching it but the word all to me means all um this this was the first statement that he said before he caught backlash and and you know we condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred bigotry and violence on many sides oh no on many sides which was exactly right and that statement was enough for me because it's not just the fucking idiots on the right the far right what do you think antifa is they

showed up with all kinds of weapons and shit and depending on who you believe what reports they started the shit and the cops did nothing which means to me again it's all organized it's all fucking a lot of soros goons in there but again and then you have the psycho in the car that's a whole hill rotten hell that hill billy did you see him i mean horrible upbringing and shit but uh may he uh rotten hell but but but but the fact that trump didn't you know didn't single out what she did today in this statement. He had to clear it up, even though all sides was a fair statement to me.

Meaning it's not just the far-right loans. But all doesn't mean all to some people. They're so convinced that's all it is, is white supremacist country. That's the problem. It's been driven down. That message has been driven in your head for the last 40 years. And they the problem. It's been driven down. It's been driven. That message has been driven in your head for the last 40 years.

And they know that they have a complicit media who's going to go out and fucking condemn Trump, which is all they did. They weren't even commenting on the actual incident and the statue.

It was all about Trump's war. It's everything so politicized. 866-969-1969. 866-969-1969. So the president was getting it from all sides, even some Republicans. And so he had to, you know, rephrase his statement. And he said this today. who cause violence in its name are criminals and thugs including the kkk neo-nazis white supremacists and other hate groups that are repugnant to everything we hold dear as americans should have went a little further black lives matter antifa you should have said that too get it all out there if you said all sides then say all sides don't be afraid to that's what this argument's missing is balance but people convinced this country is founded on white supremacy and shit was founded by white guys get over it and people are going to get upset when you're taking down these statues

and you have a right to assemble but you don't have a right to run over people. And again, nobody, if you want me to believe that Trump believes in what the Klan believes in, or the whites, that's such horseshit. On the way in here, I was listening to the radio, WCBS 8, that's 880 on your dial. Major Garrett did the most slanted, biased, five-minute description of Trump. Just bringing up every little thing in the last year that he said racially and just twisted it. I almost went off the freaking road.

I was getting dizzy. I was getting so angry. This fucking media is so fucking evil. Oh, my God. oh my god so now there's a bunch of other parks you know um i guess richmond virginia like the right i don't i don't know what you want to call them the alt-right or whatever are these groups want to you know they want to have a rally on sometime in september to do the same thing to you know

because they're taking down statues all over gainesville florida all over statues are going to come down now i don't understand how that's right at all especially if you people want to remind your kids how racist this country was wouldn't it be nice have a statue you could point to that guy and go you know if i can race even though back then while the while the war was going on both sides were torn was a legitimate argument back in the while the war was going on, both sides were torn. It was a legitimate argument back in the 1800s. But these idiots on the left keep applying today's social standards. Today's social standards tip back to, hey, he owned slaves and he owned slaves.

You can't do that in retrospect. Makes no sense. I'm watching the news. i couldn't believe it by by by sunday i couldn't believe what i was hearing you know oh he's he's condoning by not mentioning the white supremacist when he said uh bigots when he said bigots and whatever racist what do you think he's talking about what do you think he was talking about and then antifa and black lives matter let's not pretend obama didn't turn the fucking racial tension up tenfold in this country by having the head of the black lives matter to the white house anybody remember that or do you remember when that congressman got shot back in june by bernie sanders fan

do you remember um chuck schumer coming out and bernie sanders fan do you remember um chuck schumer coming out and bernie sanders and saying you know what it's getting a little too heated on both all sides they actually said the same thing as trump and the media didn't say shit so come on man just crazy and and these groups you know these these racists and these neo-nazis they try to you know they try to attach themselves to trump to legitimize themselves what's he gonna do it's like it's like the fucking beatles when charlie manson loved the beatles and played health yeah i guess i guess mccartney was for slaughtering pregnant women and rosemary labianca the beatles were all for that shit wasn't george harrison a real him and tex watson were regular fucking

uh what happens if we pull down isn't there a monument of malcolm x anywhere gotta be huh well he wasn't very peaceful he's kind of a hateful fuck if you look into his past do you really think you're gonna go tear down these statues and not have some of these psychos get uh excited about it but like i said there are people from the south who have relatives who died fighting to end slavery let's just wipe that out again it's a bigger picture it's macro it's about this country it's the only superpower left it was founded by whatever you know whites so somebody wants that out of the way and wants it done with and the fucking media jake tapper i would like is he is he located in new york let's

find his house grind up some glass that's all i'm gonna say grind up some glass. That's all I'm going to say. Grind up some glass. You guys finish the sentence. Oh, my God. 866-969-1969. 866-969-1969. But the media has sunk to a new low. I've never seen anything like it in my life. Just focusing on it. That's all they do, the left.

They politicize it. That's all they do. Not even focusing on the actual. And by the way, the cops did nothing. And why did they do, the left. They politicize. That's all they do. Not even focusing on the actual... And by the way, the cops did nothing. And why did they do nothing? Well, because the same reason they didn't during the campaign when fights broke out. Because they know damn well you got white supremacists, neo-Nazi groups. If a fight breaks out, no matter who starts it, all the fucking media outlets are going to report that it's white supremacists and fascists and Trumps and blah, blah, blah. How do the cops do nothing?

I hope that's looked into. I hope somebody looks into that. Who told them to stand down? They actually funneled. I was reading on the internet all kinds of stories, all different websites, and a lot of the people on the ground, witnesses, said they were funneling.

They said break it up, right? Before it even started. It started to get ugly. They funneled like the white supremacists through a gauntlet of Antifa people, protesters. So they like they forced him to come together. Crazy. crazy but to say that oh the president he defends the clan and david no he fucking does now he doesn't kind of creepy really kind of creepy but again you know obama had the leader of black lives matter to the book and and now they did this they're going to pull down statues in Baltimore, I heard today, and somewhere else.

It's just crazy. But I read this thing. It said, the governor repeatedly emphasized the violence of Nazis. This is McAuliffe, who's such a big girl. The violence of Nazis, but made no reference to violence by any left-wing group. This is the governor of Virginia. The implication was clear that the violence was unavoidable, unavoidable result of far-right white identity political groups being allowed to hold a rally.

But a report on police conduct during and after the rally by ProPublica, a left-leaning investigative, I'll say that again, a left-leaning investigative journalism non-profit, as well as eyewitnesses' accounts by those who participated in the rally itself, have called the simplicity of this characterization into question. Both suggest mismanagement of police resources by political leadership may have exacerbated rather than controlled the violence surrounding the rally and the counter protests, which included mainstream liberals and local faith based anti-racism in quotes groups, as well as radical leftist Black Lives Matter and anti-fascist Antifa outfits. So even this, this is a left-leaning publication. They said the cops didn't do

what they were supposed to do. So, something smells like shat. Doesn't it? Sure it do. And then you had that psycho James Field Jr. run those people over,

which was, you know, and then the two cops died maybe that wouldn't happen if the cops got between these two groups physically which is how they handle it most of the time i want to somebody's got to look into this i guess sessions already is but uh according to pro publica reporter.C. Thompson and his colleagues authorities took a largely laissez-faire approach in other words, hands off allowing white supremacists and counter-protesters

to physically battle that's unbelievable somebody's itching for a race war here or whatever ProPublica, by the way, is a George Soros funded investigative journalism non-profit and then McAuliffe ProPublica, by the way, is a George Soros-funded investigative journalism non-profit. And then McAuliffe, Terry McAuliffe, best friends with the Clintons, so you know he's clean, right?

Fucking jerk-off, I've hated this guy since I was 11, I didn't even know him. McAuliffe, in what the New York Times reports was an impromptu interview, strongly defended the police response to the violent demonstrations, saying that law enforcement authorities had done great work in a very delicate situation. Situation. Did they really? That's great work? What a cheese dick this guy is. Honest to God,

he needs to be bitch slapped from here. When Trump said all sides there's hate on all sides I knew exactly what he meant and he could have left it at that but no like I said it's the same thing Chuck Schumer said after that shooting on the baseball field

same thing Bernie Sanders said there's too much hate rhetoric on all sides but the media didn't fucking do shit did did they? They didn't jump all... It's a rigged game, folks. It's a rigged game. Just know that. I don't know if it's for distraction purposes, race war,

I don't know. Again, other people tell you, well, it's the big corporations. This is creating distractions while they can do their... I don't know. Just read that book, The Truth About the Bilderberg Group, and I don't know what to believe anymore. But you can't tell me that the media is not the most corrupt

institution in this country. Gobble, gobble, go. Let's take, hey, our old friend Larry, who always has a uh intelligent perspective on such uh current events larry welcome to the show hello mr napalo how are you i am uh i'm a little fed up with this country i'm looking at some property in ireland your thoughts well i gotta tell you all this ridiculous nonsense about

ripping down all the institutions of Southern culture, and that's where my adopted home is. That's where I pay my taxes. And I've paid my taxes there for a goodly number of years. Well over 30 years, Mr. DePaulo, have I made my home in the South. And the war between the states was never about slavery. It was about the rights of states and about taxes and tariffs. And the Northern industrial interests that were going to impoverish the south. And make no

mistake, I'm a damn Yankee. Yankees come and Yankees go and damn Yankees come and stay and that's what I am. A damn Yankee because I came south and I stayed. But I left all that liberal horse shit at my house to stay with my board. Don't get me started about liberal politics

Mr. Napolo. It's not going to be pretty. My pro-choice liberal mother, my socialist mother, would be aghast to hear me talk like this. But the fact of the matter is, this is modern Reconstruction. The subjugation of the South in the post-Civil War era, where the North dominated them under Reconstruction, to actually totally continue to devastate the South and steal anything decent, and impoverish the South for a hundred years, Reconstruction did. And all you're looking at now is modern Reconstruction, to destroy every vestige of Southern culture and Southern history. The war between the states was a war of Southern independence.

It was fought over taxes and tariffs. And Lincoln could not have a low-tariff port in Charleston, South Carolina. And he had to reinforce Fort Sumter because it was his tariff collection point. And he said himself, what will become of my tariff if there was a low-tariff port in South Carolina? Larry, okay. of my care if there was a what if there was a lot airport itself in in south carolina larry okay about uh... okay does that does the media does anybody that works in today's media would they agree with you that that uh... civil war was about taxes and tariffs

all or no the north wrapped himself in the issue of slavery to grab them to grab the moral high ground over depredations union army post on the cell under lincoln's total war concept, because he brought the war to the Southern population. And it's been working pretty well, that fake message that it was about slavery. And for the last 40, 50 years, they've been telling that lie, and you tell a lie enough, it becomes the truth. And it has, right? Yes, it becomes the truth. And it has, right? Yes, it has, because

the Southern General, right before his death in 1865 in North Carolina, he told, I think it was 1864, I apologize. No, it was 65. No, no, no, I mean before his death, before he was killed in combat. He told his men that if we lose this

glorious struggle for our independence, our children will be taught by northern school teachers. Out of history books taught, written by northern school teachers, will not tell the truth of our glorious struggle because they fought a war of independence. In the South, when blacks freely fought for the South, they stood side by side with whites. It was the racist North that segregated them into units under white officers. There's a reason that the Underground Railroad terminated in Canada, because the Pennsylvania and New York and Ohio did not want blacks living there. Don't let the sun set on your ass in this state, boy.

No, I think that you confuse that with Metro North. Well, maybe. No, I think that you confuse that with Metro North. Well, maybe. Or South Boston. That's what I should have said. God damn it. You're right. All right, Larry. Well, I gave you the floor and you gave us a nice history lesson.

And I think you reinforced what I was saying, that it's all built on a goddamn lie. And they've been getting away with it for so long, and there's so many people that believe it, this message. Is there anything more corrupt? I'll give you 30 seconds. Anything more corrupt in this media? Well, maybe the federal government itself, when it was in charge by liberals the federal government itself is corrupt but the truth is being told by people out there there's a man named leonard scruggs from hendersonville north carolina and he wrote a book what your teacher didn't teach

you about the civil war and it won awards for history books and it's meticulously researched what's his m scrubs buy it and read it and read it. What they never taught you about the Civil War. Leonard Scrubs. You heard it from Larry. Larry, thank you so much. Mr. DePaulo, thank you. I appreciate it. Let's take a break. We got the phones lit up, obviously. It's a hot button issue.

Larry, you've got to be a teacher or something. We know nothing about him. This guy could be, huh? He could be holed up in an attic somewhere in Buffalo and talking into a ham radio. We don't know. But Jesus, I picture him at a podium in his living room by himself right now when he calls in with a headset on. 866-969-1969.

Uh, when you come, we come back, we'll talk more about Charlottesville and, uhville and a very corrupt media and the bastardization of the president's message. Back after this. You're listening to The Nick DiPaolo Show returns now. Welcome back. Final segment on a Monday night. Just watching the morons topple a statue in North Carolina, Durham, or wherever the hell they were. Brilliant. Cops are just standing around.

What is this, fuck, in the Middle East now? I don't know. Destruction of property? Can I go out and break something tonight I don't like? The fucking... So we're going to wipe out all the history that you don't like. Is that how it works? Again.

It's all coming apart. It was an experiment that almost worked, folks. Anti... Just the graphic, anti-hate protesters, it says. Oh, is that what they are? No hate in their fucking hearts? Toppling a statue, then kicking it, and they're hitting it with shoes like I...

So you're taking your cues from fucking third world shitholes like Iraq and their culture. Gonna throw shoes at the TV tonight when you see Trump on it. Fucking morons. Good, there'll be no... There'll be no traces

of our racist history unbelievable ignorance you need those statues so you can go see we weren't a perfect nation at one point but look how far we've come now you get nothing to measure it how about acknowledging how far we've come you so-called peace-loving jagoffs unbelievable let's go to uh oh boy before we before i did that little uh sermon we're talking about me being attacked my house by a couple of bats last night.

Me and the wife were terrorized. It's the second time that's happened to him. And it happened to my sister-in-law last night too up in Connecticut.

They've had him more than we have, I think. But he has a BB gun, which is another... I was told he's like a tennis racket. Scott in Montana

probably knows. If you're in Montana, you probably get your share of bats. Scott in Montana probably knows. If you're in Montana, you probably get your share of bats. Scott, what's up? How do you deal with this? I got a lot of bats. I went through all the brooms, mops, and all that shit. The best thing is a tennis racket. It is.

Absolutely. The only thing bad about it, once you connect with one, though, then you got to find the son of a bitch. That's true. That's true. If you really get a hold of one. Well, I had one land in a house plant and it blended in with the soil in the pot. Yeah. It felt like hell in there.

Jesus. A terrible, terrible stink. But yeah, that's what I was told, though. A tennis rack, it's the way to go, you know? It smelled like hell in there. Jesus. They're terrible. Terrible stink. But, yeah, that's what I was told, though. A tennis rack, it's the way to go, you know? Yeah. It lights them up. I'm going to try ping pong paddles, too.

That'll be fun. All right, Mark. Thank you for confirming my purchase today. It wasn't a waste of money. Love the show, man. Thank you. Mark in Connecticut says, just today wasn't a waste of money love the show man thank you mark and i connect it says all you're gonna do is flash a light on him there hey mark what's up hey love the show first of all love you love the show thank you brother so so check it out right

not like the lighting that we have today like the led and all that stuff but if you have like regular old incandescent lighting like 100 watt light bulbs in your house. Yep. Just light one of those up, they'll drop right out of the sky. I did it when I was a kid. I caught a bat. I was a curious kid. I was like, you know, in my teens.

It got loose out of its cage. You know, it's flopping around in my bedroom in the middle of the night. I flipped the light on, it dropped right out of the sky. Is that right? I mean, it landed right in the bed where my butt was. Now the light on, it dropped right out of the sky. Is that right? I mean, it landed right in the bed where my butt was. Now, let me ask you a question, Mark. Aren't bats blind? Well, no.

Well, they're, I'm not a scientist. Are they nearsighted? They've got eyes, these giant eyes that are meant to see, I guess, at night. But when there's a bright blinding light, it kind of immobilizes them. Okay. That was my experience anyway, so that's what happened to me. Okay.

Well, tomorrow I'm going to go out and get a miner's hat. Yeah, get a miner's hat and get one of those construction lights. Let me see one of these things. Shine a light. I'm going to do that. Drop light down. You got all your lights on. I'm going to do that.

Yeah, I had all my lights on, but maybe they weren't the right kind of lights. It's got to be a bright light. Like back in the 70s, you had a 100-watt light bulb in the middle of the room. You'd turn it on, boom. Well, that's true. It was a room like it was the sun. Yeah. And the cops do that to me.

I just go right out at the wheel and they shine that light. All right, Mark. Thanks, man. I'll try that. All right, Nick. Thanks. Appreciate it. Jim from Boston

Has Nick ever been attacked by a cockatoo? Yeah, go ahead Jimmy Yeah, he just said the joke Just wanted to know if you've ever been Attacked by a cockatoo A couple cocks I was in Provincetown, I was drunk Hey, it happens

A cockatoo, it happens. It happens. All right, Jimmy. Thanks. Good night, Nick. All right. That's why you got to love Mass, huh? Great.

All the calls from Boston, any town in Mass, everybody comes with a joke for it. That's why I love my state. I don't know how it turned so blue and faggy. I could have used some of that sense of humor. Had comics come home. I want to go to Jared's, but on the line here, it says he was

one of the victims in Charlottesville. Jared, is that right? Oh, hi there, Nick. No, no, I'm not one of the victims. I actually wanted to talk about someone who was a victim, which is, you'd love it, because it's so two-sided, two-faced, hypocritical, you know, what the left has become. Yes. But, no, real quick, I just wanted to say, because I have a bad story. Be like Wesley in a minute.

I worked at a security guard at a big business center with a bunch of officers and stuff. Right. One late night. And there's a Mexican, one of those, you know, caretakers, a janitor, who was cleaning the rooms. She saw a bat in one of the hallways on one of the upper floors. Right. So I had to go up there, investigate it. Yeah.

I saw the bat. All I did So I had to go up there, investigate it. Yeah. I saw the bat. All I did was I took off my shoe. I just backed it right in the face and it fell down. So I went to the bathroom, got some paper towels, wrapped it, and left it outside the parking garage and it must have made a nice dinner for some homeless man out there. So the bat was just, what, on a wall and you whacked it with the shoe? Yeah, with my shoe. With my supposedly clean business security guard shoe.

Yeah. Probably smelled like fucking shit. Yeah. Okay. But nobody seems to have the experience I have with it flying 800 miles an hour and doing figureheads. It was a small bat. They're real tiny. This one, it must have was a small bat. They're real tiny. Like, this one, like,

it must have been, like, a juvenile one. Yeah. I hit it, and it just knocked down, and I just wrapped it up, and I just threw it outside. All right, Jared.

Thanks for the call. Appreciate it. Oh. Take care. Bye-bye. I'd say my bat last night was about 11, 12 pounds. It was, uh,

like a small turkey, and it had teeth like a t-rex what am i saying that was hillary clinton i saw on cnn that thick ankle dog face who now who's this old black lady on msnbc i'm sure she has some pro things to say and then what happened was chair of the african-american studies at emory university i wonder how she voted jesus h and they're trying to pin all this on trump which is hilarious just hilarious britney in north carolina she's going to tell us how she deals with bats. Brittany.

Hey. Let me show you. Yeah, my husband, he's a big fisher. So we've had him in our house because we live out in the country. Yeah. And he just goes with a fishing net and just kind of plows around the room and gets them. Your phone's very muffled. I can't.

Are you in the trunk of a car? Are you all right? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry. Okay. I heard that you have. It's where I live. We just have crappy service. Okay.

So your husband was a fisherman, I heard. Yeah, and he just takes like one of the fishing nets with the big long poles on them. Yeah. And then he just swats until he catches it. Yeah, they never, I guess my house isn't conducive. We don't have many flat surfaces. We have, you know, there's stone and I don't know. Yeah.

It has to be on a flat surface for a net to work or a nice hammer. Nice meat tenderizer. He's just, who knows. He goes and catches them outside. He has issues issues but yeah all right thank you britney all right uh joseph in seattle is going to educate us on the uh the percentage of bats that have rabies hey joe how are you well i'm doing well how are you? Well, I'm doing well. How are you? Pretty good. I think it's low, isn't it? It is low, but they say if you have a bat in your house, you should get vaccinated for rabies

because it does happen and it can't happen to you, and I want you to be safe. I'm just going to do what I did last night, go to sleep in a beekeeper's office. Hey, that works, too. It does. You don't know what the stats are, though, officially? It is rather low, but it has happened before. It will happen again. All right, Joe, thanks.

No problem. All right. It said Joe had stats. I thought he was going to come up and go, 77% of bat bites end in death. He's like, yeah, you know, I'm going to get vaccinated. I've stepped on rusty nails and I'll get vaccinated. This is interesting.

Oh, that's a tetanus shot. Boy, am I confused. Go ahead. Only 6% of bats have the virus, but 90% of all rabies cases in humans come from bats. Now, that's the same for gay HIV. What? Say that again?

Only 6% of bats have rabies, but 90% of rabies in humans come from bat bites. Is that right? Wow. I had a squirrel bite me right on the head of my dick at a cookout. And I got a little bit of a fever and I passed some blood. Look at that. Okay. That in the bedroom.

There you go. Look at that. Look at that picture. Yeah, that's frightening. That you go. Look at that. Look at that picture. Yeah, that's frightening. That's a woman's hand she passed out out of fright. The bat story, the old one from six, seven years ago. Did I mention the bat was hovering over my wife? She was under the covers and it was shitting pellets on our bed?

Yes. How funny is that? I really think we talked about this too long, but that's all right. It's hard when it's a two-hour show, though. Curtis in Canada, his buddy stabbed a bat. Hey, Nick, can you hear me good? Yeah, go ahead, Curtis. Okay, I'm just up here in the mud in Canada.

You never know. Okay. So we're having a house party, and my buddy there, we're sitting around having some whiskeys, and this little bastard just comes flying down from the attic, right, and swoops in around all around, sits down on the goddamn island, and buddy just whips out his switchblade and pins the cocksucker right to the goddamn island. And it's a brand new fur island, like a nice wood. The knife just right fits in there right good. Oh, God. He grabs it and he

just looks at us and whips it out the window and we carry on our night. I love every story, every story. The bats have landed on a nice surface. It landed on my catcher's mitt. I just squeezed it. My wife had her legs open and next thing you know, we can't find the bat.

I mean, all right, Curtis, that sounds very Canadian. I like that. Big fan, buddy. Have a good night. Appreciate it. Here a bat landed on my table, eh? And my friend was drinking a Labatt, eh? And he breaks the bottle, and he stabs the bat around the face, eh?

Oh, about two, three times. Boy, I'll tell you, with a bat, you fly around like a bird shit. That will never not make me laugh. Oh, God. I like everybody that's called in. Well, it landed on a nice flat surface. I told the bat, wait a minute, I'm going downstairs to get an album cover and a coffee. Can you stay right there?

The bat winks at me. I come back. He's still there. He lifts his legs for me so I can slide the album cover under his hind legs album cover that's the lady said on the website an album cover the best of jim neighbors oh god help us heloise 866-969-1969 we're kind of goofing around it's monday we did the heavy shit up front. We talked about Charlottesville. I'm watching people topple a statue in North Carolina.

All young, dumb people, by the way, who have no sense of history because their fucking colleges never taught them anything about history. Just the height of ignorance. Just unbelievable. That's what they do. You know, ISIS does. They like to destroy stuff like that. So there's no semblance of your civilization when they're done with it. And somebody called and remember said, wait a minute, the Marines.

Remember they pulled down a statue of Saddam Hussein? Remember that? All right. Is that what we're comparing? Vern. Vern in Arizona. We that? All right. Is that what we're comparing? Vern. Vern in Arizona. We got another bat call. Vern.

Hey. How you doing? I'll tell you, Vern. I'm scared shit of bats. And everybody's calling in and going, well, I just landed on the table. And I picked it up with my hand. Yeah, fuck that. I woke up one night.

My cat was going batshit, bounced off my head, the headboard, wife set up in bed, flipped on the light, and there's a bat in the house. So I went and grabbed the damn fishing net, and not a flat surface, no, I beat the fucking shit out of a lampshade. I swung that thing around like it was, you know, a butterfly net. I finally got that sumbitch, and I got him out the door, but no, I broke some shit. I know.

I did, too, last night. I broke two mop handles. I got some blood on a picture. I took half the skin off my hand. Oh, that wedding album thing is hilarious. Yes, I got blood on the wedding album. On a side note, Antifa shit? Oh, my God, the revisionist history that's being just erased and brought and taught and everything.

It's just fucking ponderous, dude. It really is. I love your takes. I love your takes. You've got a great show. Thank you. And I've always loved your comedy. Thank you, Vern.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know. I appreciate that, man. You're not the only one to break shit. Fuck that. Thanks, man. Later, man. Bye. There's a bat on TV right now.

Rachel Maddow, look at her. What a cute young little boy, huh? Jerry Sandusky, wet dream right there. Rachel Maddow. Look at her. What a cute young little boy, huh? Jerry Sandusky, wet dream right there. Rachel Maddow. I'd like to grab her by Adam's apple, twist her ears off. HUD. Is that like the movie? Yeah, great movie.

Huh? Great movie. HUD in Texas. Hey, Nick, can you hear me? Yeah, great movie. Huh? Great movie. HUD in Texas. Hey, Nick, can you hear me? Yes, sir. Yeah, supposedly that's what I was named after. Didn't get to see the movie until I was in college. HUD was a pretty sorry bastard.

Dad had high hopes. Great movie, though. Yeah. My wife caught a bat one time. She caught me freaking out because there was one between the sliding glass door and the screen door. Somehow or another, by the time I got home, she had it inside a jar. Oh, you're kidding me. Another call to make me look bad.

I don't know how she got it. This don't make you look bad. I went to turn it loose and I had on leather gloves, took the lid off the jar. It came out and ran all the way around my hand and was hanging upside down. It took me the hell out. Jesus. They are the creepiest. I mean, well.

And another time at my mom and dad's house sleeping in the living room. What is the monsters? In the middle of the night, one of them was flying from one side of the living room to the other. And I did like you and I got the broom and I finally beat him down, but it took forever. I know. It's like trying to hit a knuckleball on a windy day. All right. Thanks, buddy.

Appreciate it. Talk to you, man. All right. Thanks, buddy. Appreciate it. Talk to you, man. Thanks. Call again, man. Yeah. You should have seen me swinging like a... I was panicking.

It was in the kitchen and the metal... I get up this morning and look like there's a break in my... There's a metal rod on the kitchen floor, bent. There's a little bit of blood

on the stone from my thumb. Blood on a wedding picture. But I like all these calls. Well, I just, you know, I stare at it in the eyes. I don't know. Creepy. I'm looking up again. A heavyset black woman talking about the Trump Tower protests.

I don't know. I don't have to have to sound up to guess. I could be wrong, though. What side she's on. And that's where we are in this country. At least with the media. Three dead, 19 injured following a white nationalist rally in Charlottesville, Virginia. Thank you. That's the five on fog.

Great. That news is what? 48 hours old? What else happened? Well, there was a civil war. I'm just saying, cool it down, folks. I'm just saying, stop, shut off your TV. Even go to the internet, even though that's all slanted, too.

And get your news there. Read all the websites. Left and right and middle. Go to Bright Bright. Go to Salon. Get it all. And then decide yourself. Go to the comment section read some of that it's the only place white guys can be honest it's in a comment section on the internet it's the only place white people can be honest about

race and i'm glad trump's giving it back to the media today tell him to kiss his grits so just hang in there i hopefully we're going to be alright. Anyways, hey, tomorrow night we've got the very funny Robert Kelly here. Later on in the week, Vinnie Brand and Dan Natterman is going to join us in studio. And check me out at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick on August 25th and 26th in the Newtown Theater, September

16th in Newtown, Pennsylvania. Go to nickdip.com for ticket information and my tour dates. Nice talking to you all. Thanks for all the calls, and we'll talk to you tomorrow night. I'm out. Bye.