The Nick DiPaolo Show - 209-Charles Manson/Harasment

Episode Date: November 21, 2017

Charles Manson/Harassment

And now, The Nick DiPaolo Show. Back in the saddle, folks. Sure, there's a 16-inch foam rubber donut on that saddle. But I am back, and my ass is healing beautifully. How are you, folks? The Monday before Thanksgiving. Jesus Christ, I just took the tree down like a week ago. Gotta put that fucker back up. Is it that time of year again?

I'll be dead in a fucking heartbeat. It's just flying by. It's getting creepy. The older you get, too. It's like when you watch the water in a sink. It picks up speed as it goes down the toilet. How are you, folks? Jeez, my ass feels pretty good. I actually let one fly before I left the house. Rinsed it nice.

Green tea I use. I sit in green tea and put it back in the kettle for the wife. How are you? I did. I had a good week. I was in pain all weekend. It was horrible. And packing, you know, because I went up to Massachusetts to do a couple gigs. Lexington on Friday night. Beverly, my neck of the woods, Saturday night. But it's funny just packing. I had, you know, 72 pounds of wipes in my bag and all kinds of antiseptic soap and fire hoses and little kittens to lick it clean. But I'll tell you. Thank you, Lexington.

What a carry haul. Nice turnout. Beautiful turnout. And I hadn't been on stage in about a month because of, you know, possible infection. And it was great. It was, you know, I was rusty, but I can fool them. I've been doing this since 1971. And it was great. It was, uh, you know, I was rusty, but I can fool him. I've been doing this since 1971. And,

uh, it was just a great gig. And John Tobin, thanks a lot, man. The guy who booked these things the following night, Beverly mass, the Cabot theater,

literally a mile and a half from my, where I grew up, which I had never played. They, they, it was a movie theater back in the day. And they did, they used to show porn like in the eighties and they refurbished it it's i'd shoot a special there tomorrow it's you know a couple

balconies but intimate and it was over 500 people and just just uh you know friends and family and uh which i haven't done in a long time when i say family the parents don't come out i called uh my parents came out I would say I was in the business About four years I called the woman a C Word And I didn't

But my parents They were like two other couples And all hell broke loose I was I was drunk I had done a gig in Buffalo I drove from Buffalo to Boston Like the next day

I've been awake for like 22 hours I'm on stage Somebody guy gives me a camel cigarette I take a hit of it and then somebody starts heckling And then it's And all hell broke loose My parents never came back They waited about 10 years

And they saw me at the Comedy Connection in Boston But um But uh Boy that's how it's supposed to be done folks A theater and People paying We had an incident in Beverly With a girl in the front row.

She didn't even look up from her phone. I'm not cheating. The first 12 to 15 minutes of the show, she had her face buried. I kept ignoring it. Then she kept fucking doing this, taking it in and out. She could have been juggling flamethrowers. Balls of fire would have been less distracting. She kept switching it.

Again, I was trying to bite my tongue. Finally, I fucking let loose on her. Then 15 minutes later, she takes out again and starts and gives me the excuse she's talking to her daughter which i've every comedian's up that's the one the broads go to when you catch them on their phone i'm talking i hope your daughter is fucking i hope she's in her pajamas she's about 11 playing with matches and then i got ugly with her and uh you know i fucking started to lose my cool and uh and then her nitwit boyfriend's phone goes off. Like 10 minutes later.

After the encounter with her. And then she yells out, I owe her an apology. In the middle of the fucking show. And that's where, again, if it wasn't near my house where I grew up with relatives there and shit, I would have fucking come off the stage. And, Ben, you would have had to bail me out. She Tom Hagen'd you? She was dead fucking serious.

You all, yeah. This comedian? This comedian owes me an apology, Senator. Owes me an apology. She was dead fucking serious. That's the world she lives in. They're told to shut off their fucking phones. And this goes for any of you assholes

that go to comedy clubs to fucking movies to see a play on Broadway shut your motherfucking phone off and don't give us this shit you get kids at home I also said she said I'm talking to my daughter I go yeah that's why she'll be first of all why aren't you home with your daughter

and don't worry she said in another year she'll be stripping in front of me at some titty bar and I owe her an apology that's the world she lives in where she can fucking be in the total wrong i that's something you get from a 10 year old kid or a five-year-old kid you catch his hand in the cookie jar i didn't do anything it's it makes me ill it makes me fucking physically ill and and you know there's people in that theater that believe that and then yeah then i hear all my relatives and friends go my sister goes yeah after you yelled at her car i shut my phone i felt like what the fuck was it on for what are you fucking people nuts you can't go fucking an hour and 20

minutes you're not that important i don't give a shit if you're the head of icu unit at some hospital what are you doing at the goddamn comedy show if you have more pressing issues? How did we get through life? How did I get through life? My mother and father couldn't get in contact. I'd go days when I was 11. They wouldn't fucking hear from me. They're probably happy to get a nice break from this kid.

Real pain in the ass back then. 866-969-1969 so i pray that the cell phone cancer room is a true i really hope i really because i don't use mine enough to have to get cancer from mine that's how you know my career's going well i use a black rotary phone with an extension cord it rings once every two weeks but you people who live on your phones uh i hope it goes through your veins and whatnot but uh you all mean then she has the balls to come up and try to shake my hand after the show oh anyways and and you know why she did it and i'm i'm i'm i'm i'm convinced of it social media she knew she could get my attention and i'd be talking about her and here i am not to disappoint but whatever let it be a lesson to all he is hey at december 8th and 9th uh i'll be at helium comedy club in buffalo that's in a couple weeks new year's eve december 31st hot comedy club in

yonkers the new one the actual normal size not the little thing I practice at at the Ridge Hill Mall. Which is all right, too. January 26th and 27th at Comedy Works in Saratoga Springs, New York. Follow me at Nick DiPaolo. Could you please? Sure. So, yeah. Good weekend. Traveling with a donut.

Wipes. My own suture kit. Oh, my God. It's like somebody heating a goddamn hunting knife over an open flame and touching your i'm not exaggerating but you know what i've today i gotta be honest i feel good feel good felt good enough yesterday to have two lobsters and about a pound of mac and cheese stretch that thing out like fucking hillary's gullet i don't know what that means we lost a great one this weekend it really saddened me and you know what i'm talking about the great charles miles manson

went down at 83 and uh the wild-eyed leader of a murderous crew the new york times put it i love how they uh well here's some audio what about death charlie what about it i told you i'm already dead but i almost did it didn't i almost pulled it off almost made it huh no charlie you weren't even close you killed some people that's what you did that's it charlie you're not even important anymore. Bye-bye, dickhead. Wonder if he grabbed any pussy.

Were those rules in place in Hate Ashbury in the 60s? Hey! Touch my tit! Was that before or after he raped you? On acid. I'll say it again, folks. If you haven't seen Health of Skelter The made for TV movie In the 70s About the Manson With Steve Railsback

Playing Charlie Manson Please do yourself a favor Watch it again last week Watched it again It's as good A TV made movie Steve Railsback I've yet to see

A better acting job Amin Asante as Gotti Was close As far as made for TV movies as far as maybe TV movies. Steve Railsback as Charlie Manson. It made my hair stand up. What's so funny? You keep saying his name.

Steve Railsback? What do you mean? Steve Railsback. Fury working in his car, so no one has an impression. What do you mean? I'm going to say it again. Because he's 71 years old. Steve Railsback. That's some wild stuff.

That African hash. But Helter Skelter. I'm telling you. Watch the movie. That monologue at the end. Is my favorite of anything. Of anything De Niro did. Pacino.

Larry Storch from F Troop. I mean, this one stands above Phyllis Diller and that... And how about the head of hair on Manson? Even like he's being interviewed, like he's 80-something years old. This guy looked like a movie star. But there was some stuff I didn't really know about.

You know, New York Times, like once again, most papers do, you know, a couple paragraphs a page on Manson. Of course, they do, like, 11. You know, he raped a kid when he was 12, like, in Juvie Hall or detention. He held a razor to a kid's neck. This is when Charles Manson was 12 and raped a kid. So, can't blame it all on, uh...

But his mother was a hoe and, you know, half a prostitute. Some people say she was just drunk, but whatever. And she gave him up. He was young. She went into jail. She gets out, paroled, takes him back, and then lets him go again. And he bounced around from his aunts. And just, again, not an excuse.

A lot of people do that. But he could play the guitar, so that's why he got all the pussy. Linda Kasabian came out And said He grabbed my ass At the ranch You don't hear Susan Atkinson When he was a pussy grabber I'm suing

Too late Yeah Look at this From the age of 12 on Charles was placed In a string of reform schools At one institution He held a razor

To a boy's throat And raped him When he was 12. He's married twice, don't you know? Got a couple of kids out there, maybe, they think. So, the Beach Boys did a, they were, the Beach Boys recorded a song, Never Learn Not To Love. That was based on one written by Manson. Although Mr. Wilson, who sang it, gave it new lyrics and new title.

Mr. Manson had called it Cease To Exist. Took a credit for writing it. So, I forgot this fact, too, that he tied up the LaBiancas himself. Because people always go, he got railroaded. Today, he'd get off on He actually tied up Lena and Rosemary Labianca The second night And then he split

Before You know His savages came in And finished the job But I forgot all about that But Yeah So

Turned down for parole A dozen Daniel Gould used to have A great bit I should have pulled it up About going up for parole When you have Daniel Gould used to have a great bit. I should have pulled it up. About going up for parole when you have a swastika cut into your forehead.

It really doesn't help. And Susan Atkins died in prison, what, eight years ago of natural causes. But, but, I wrote something in here. Oh, it said uh they didn't say how he died no cause from the hospital i'm guessing belly laughing he had been hospitalized in january for

an intestinal bleeding but was ruled too frail to undergo surgery mr Manson was a semi-illiterate, habitual criminal, and failed musician. Sounds like 80% of the rappers. What? Yep. I had another good line in here. What the fuck was it? I can't find it.

He turned the X in his forehead into a swastika. Good move. Oh, yeah. Then he got doused with paint thinner. I remember Jay Leno actually doing a joke about it on the Tonight Show. He was having an argument with his cellmate, a religious argument. And the guy threw paint thinner on him and lit him on fire. He goes, there's a couple of major theologians for you, huh?

It was John 14. No, it wasn't. Anyhow, I'm heartbroken. But yeah, good riddance. And enjoy the... Enjoy, uh... I don't know. I don't believe in hell and wherever. Do you believe in hell and heaven? I don't know. I think he has to do.

Here's my, how he's going to be punished. He has to do the next hundred years in a basement apartment in Newark. You know what I'm saying? Kevin was at the Beverly show. Kev, what's up? What's up, Nick? How's it going? Pretty good.

How are you? Thanks for coming out. I appreciate you coming out. Yeah, man. I actually got a chance to catch you right before the show. That's right. Yeah, man. That was awesome.

And I had this whole thing planned to tell you because I actually work in Beverly. And then you surprised me. It slipped my mind. But right down the street, they just put this uh jamaican pizza place in which i don't have never even heard of such a thing but uh it's called rasta pasta pizza and uh every single day i drive by it i think of that story yes the rasta pasta story i mean i would i would have told you because they also have a shit ton of jerk chicken, but obviously that one worked out too well with the recent situation.

But I brought a couple friends out who hadn't seen me before. They had a great time. Everybody had a really good time. Well, I met you before the show. We took a picture, and you regularly contributed to the podcast. And I think you actually were on the DePaulo Podcast t-shirt were you not yeah my other buddy was too yeah we both were uh appreciate that and uh yeah your uh your wife actually took the picture of us and that she took a she suggested taking a third picture in it and uh came out the best except your face looks like you totally wanted to just I don't know

smack her uh smack my wife why no I don't know it's just the third Kevin don't make me fucking hang up on you

now you're doing so well now you make me out to be a wife beater that's right probably wanted to smack you and your friend but take him 25 minutes of my time

I was I had to take a dump and you know with the stitches well I'm glad I can support a dump, and you know, with the stitches. Well, I'm glad I could support a coke problem, and I hope you have a good night. Thanks, Kev. All right.

Talk to you. Len in Idaho. Len, what's going on? Hey, Nick. How you doing, man? I'm glad the arse is getting better. Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, what a pain in the arse yes anyways man these people on their fucking phones drive me nuts out of their mind i i'm talking on mine right now but i i'm making you in a movie theater oh no hell no i'm sitting in my fucking truck you know Oh, no. Hell no. I'm sitting in my fucking truck, you know. Sitting still, by the way. But, man, I see, it just pisses me off. I'll be driving down my highway, and I look down, and these people are texting and driving, and, you know. Cutting and pasting? And, you know, you go into a fucking store and they're talking on their phones while they're trying to make a transaction.

It's like when I get out of my truck, my phone stays in my fucking truck. You know, I'm not right. Right. Right. Right. Next to the dead hooker. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And the tool she's trying to call her sponsor. Right next to the dead hooker. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the tall back of here. She's trying to call her sponsor. I'm being raped in the back of a truck, exit 13C. Yeah, yeah. I stash it when these things happen, you know. All right, Lenny. Well, good to hear from you, brother.

And I'm glad that it bothers you as much as it does me. Oh, it kills me, Nick. Hey, man, good talking to you again. All right, take care, Lenny. Yeah, you gotta, you know, come on. I feel like I was raised, what were there, six families raised with manners in this fucking country?

Do you feel that way? People fucking were, do you fucking feel you have the right to have your phone? First of all, they tell you to shut it off at the beginning of the performance. And I kept hearing all this technology. Are these rumors true or not?

Brendan, you might know. You're fucking 40 years younger than me and Fioriori fiori just went into the corner to sneeze and i saw his ass crack no you didn't your shirt wrote wrote fucking wrote up your back and there it was no you sneezed and your ass crack popped out very fucking odd situation kick your mind off Mind off asses, will ya? But anyways. Yeah, what's the technology? I know they have it in Branson, Missouri, when Yakov Shmurnov plays his theater. Seriously, they have technology that jams the signal. And Chappelle had a deal.

I remember with his shows, you put it in a bag, right? When you come in, you put it in a bag. It's like checking a coat. Huh? You like check a coat. You check your phone. It's mandatory. Nice metaphor. Thanks for clearing that up for me. What am I, fucking mentally retired? I get it. I get the concept. The fuck?

What are we doing? The Bomb Squad show? Yes. Why can't I not? Bonfire. I always say bomb It's got nothing to do with it Yep But I'm saying Where's that technology

For comedy clubs Can we do it please Or I'm talking to my daughter Good I hope she's on her deathbed Fucking bleeding from her eye holes Let's go to Mo in Brooklyn Mo how are ya

Great show. I listen every night going home. Every night to make my drive better. Thanks, Moe. So, just a couple of things while I was on hold. What bothers me as much as the people with the fucking phones is the people with the dogs in their arms, these little three-pound dogs that they better love

because if you get into an accident, the airbag's going to put it in their fucking heart. Yes. Nobody talks about that. I wanted to ask you, why do you think to an accent, the airbags are going to put it in their fucking heart. Yes. Nobody talks about that. I wanted to ask you, why do you think these scumbags like Manson lived almost 100 and the good ones die young? There's got to be a formula.

Well, I do have a theory on that. Because guys like Manson and his beliefs, he's basically today's Democrat. He's a fucking vegan, vegetarian, fucking wacko environmentalist. You know, hate Ashbery in the 60s. Most people have the exact same.

It's the same message today for fucking Pelosi and her douchebag friends. But he didn't eat a lot of red meat. And if you're doing the right type of heroin, it's actually, if it's pure, and whatever else he was doing, that guy had the best head of hair I've ever seen. He's perfect. The other thing was, I want to tell you a quick story. I went for colonoscopy not too long ago and the doctor's interviewing me. So right in an interview, I said, let me ask you something, doc.

Does my insurance cover the camera? He goes, why would you be concerned with that? I said, I grew up in a bad neighborhood. I always thought I was going to go to jail. So I worked on my fucking sphincter to the point where I'm worried I'm going to crush the camera. He goes, you don't have any concerns. I go, doc, you don't understand the ball, but I could stick coal up my ass and turn it into diamonds. I just want to make sure that I'm covered. So I came out of it, the whole thing, Nick, that guy and I was good. And he says to me, you know what? You didn't destroy the camera at all because you were asleep.

I said, I'm surprised because I know I would sleep in jail. I got a hair trigger on that thing. So I was just thinking about you when you were telling your story about you. Are you there? All right. All right, Moe, you're cut out. Talk to you later. All right. Ciao. All right. All right, Moe. You're cut out. Talk to you later. All right.

Ciao. All right. Boy, that stunk. How dare you people do comedy in front of me. Fucking horrible bit. Preparing myself so I might work the mice. Jesus Christ. We're talking about Charles Manson. Let's focus, can we?

Let's take one more. Leonard in Georgia. This guy has a very, it's a Pennsylvania heavy accent. Leonard, how are you? Yeah, how are you? This is my Pennsylvania accent. Sounds great. You want to hear my Jersey accent? No, this is my pennsylvania accent sounds great you want to hear my jersey accent no this is it how about new york sounds just like jersey don't it shut up shut go ahead leonard now i was gonna tell you my joke but i ain't going to now yeah Listen, as far as Charles Madison goes,

I think there's three degrees of separation on that. My brother, God rest his soul, who was passed on from the penitentiary also was penned. He was what? From Charles to my brother, not to me, to him. We missed it. Your phone cut out. He was what to your brother?

They wrote each other back and forth. My was in florida he was in california they wrote each other back and forth no kidding no shit my brother spent the majority of his life god rest his soul in and out of prison can i uh can i ask you what for leonard um uh well let's just say uh he he attempted to end somebody's life and a whole lot of stealing uh that type of stuff and then they cut a hold of that you know you've got too many strikes so you're out right go the rest of your life right that's what he ended up doing anyhow uh uh but other than that he's a fine fellow but what i was going to say you were talking about charles mattson the guy asking about him living a long life that type of stuff i really really do believe uh just from listening to interviews and just studying that subject sometimes that it's the

lack of guilt lack of remorse the lack of responsibility for their self or their actions. So they live basically stress-free. Yes. You know, they don't have hair falling out. They don't have, you know, their heart giving out on them at 60 from stress. They just, you know, don't give a shit, I guess. Yeah, they have no conscience. That's actually a great point.

I'm just the opposite, you know? Yeah, I know. That's why you and I'll be dropping dead in five years. Yeah, I get myself above five. Maybe not. I think you're right. Well, listen, I've got to tell you my joke, though. All right.

You've probably heard it. All right, here you go. Why do cavemen drag women around by their hair to the head? I don't know. Why do cavemen drag women around by their hair to head? I don't know why decay men drag women around by their hair on their head. If they throw them by their feet, they fill up with dirt. Okay, I'm

out. No rim shots. That's morning zoo horse shit. Stick to the quick. That was horrendous, Leonard. You'll be banned for the show for a week. That's your punishment. Go say three Hail Marys. I will. I will. I will.

All right. See ya. Fucking rim shot. Come on, Fiora. You're better than that. He gets all, he's getting that hurt look on his face. Oh my God. You and the looks.

You can't see how your face looks. I can. You get this cunty look on your face. I don't. Yeah, you do. You look like you're going to fucking cry. Where is it? God damn it.

I don't have my Rybie thing. All right. We come back. I want to talk about, I don't know who you want to talk about. We brought up Franken last week, Al Franken. All the leftist fellas who are so pro-choice and so pro-woman in defending women from guys like me misogynist uh deplorable pigs but uh we already we've we've found out that you're you're it's you just you know you're

fucking you fucking hypocrite exactly uh bill clinton's got four more now coming out of the fucking woodwork yeah yeah which is beautiful because hillary's out there saying that you know trump should be investigative of sex crimes and shit well she you know lives with this fucking alleged rapist i throw alleged in because i don't know what the fucking legal i'm sure somebody would come after me but there's four girls uh who uh you know work for this guy ron burkle billionaire who bill clinton used to fly around a burkle's plane drumming up business for him and of course the plane was staffed with teenage girls and their late teens and uh four of them are ready to blow the whistle unless they get a big buck and settlement and then then you get Charlie Rose Fury hands me a breaking

story. Of course, it's from the New York Times, so it's 38 pages long. I swear to God, they do it on purpose to discourage guys like me not to find a... Charlie Rose sexually harassed eight women with nudity and groping. I gotta be honest, was I not aggressive

enough when I was single? I'm starting to feel like I was a real puss out there. Charlie Rose is whipping his cock out. Another one, though. Another fucking lefty, Mr., you know, ooh, women's rights and all this hush. You're fucking hypocrites. At least we're pigs on this side and we admit to it. Theory, are you with me?

Sure you is. Sure you is. But can we just put a headline out there? Ladies, can we just put a headline out there ladies can we just put the headline out there everyone on the planet can say hey this guy tried to fuck me a few years ago can we get it all over with again they're not all equal stories again I don't throw Louie

in with Harvey Weinstein Kevin Spacey with fucking even Charlie Rose I'll have to read what this chooch did but you know they're the fucking hypocrites on that side so when we come back yeah I'll have to read what this chooch did. But, you know, they're the fucking hypocrites on that side. So when we come back, yeah, I'll read from Edward Klein, New York Times magazine, about the latest allegations against Bill Clinton. But can you blame him? He's got the thick-ankled dog face laying on a couch with her big bloomers eating fucking bonbons

and just grossing them out with their leathery nipples. 866-969. I want you to weigh in on this stuff, too. 866-969-1969. You're listening to The Nick DiPaolo Show on Faction Talk

Sirius XM 103. I love you. We'll be right back. The Nick DiPaolo Show returns now. That's the way you do it. You put your hand on the knee. That ain't working. That ain't working. That ain't coaching. 866-969-1969. Hey, I'll be at Helium Comedy Club

in Buffalo December 8th and 9th. New Year's Eve, Ha! Comedy Club in Yonkers. January 26th, 27th at the Comedy Works Saratoga Springs.

Hit me up at Nick DePaolo. Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, all that. Also at DiPaolo Show SXM if you want to follow the show or something. I don't know. It's a dangerous situation. Put that back up there.

We talk about sexual harassment. The floodgates are opening. Can you just be honest? You know, we are predators. The girls are predators. The girls are. 290 coaches, comma, officials tied to U.S. Olympic groups have been accused of sexual misconduct since 1982. Should we draw some conclusions? Yeah, you can't put guys, grown men around.

Athletic girls, young girls and the military right all kinds of charges of rate what does that tell you folks it doesn't work there was a reason men and women were segregated in the military and now you're finding out why and we're finding out when it comes to this type of stuff and just like I wouldn't let my son join the Boy Scouts if I have. Some things just are, and fellas can't be, it's on their mind around the clock.

Some guys have the decency and willpower. But 290? As the number of women accusing former Olympic gymnast team physician Larry Nassar of sexual assault has continued to rise this year, surpassing 130, including at least five former team USA members. Victims, lawyers, and members of Congress have directed outrage at USA Gymnastics, whose chief executive resigned in March.

While the Nassar case has captured public attention because of the renown of a few of his accusers, it is far from an isolated instance. The problem of sexual abuse in Olympic sports organizations extends well beyond the confines of one sport or one executive. More than 290 coaches and officials associated with the American Olympic sports organization have been publicly accused of it since 82. A Washington Post review of sports. Okay. I guess we can't be in the same room together

doing any of this stuff. And again, right? We're just a species but the military that's not working out look at all the sexual abuse going on the military and accusations of rape and stuff yeah that's why they were segregated because we knew that would happen Ben. Rick in Tennessee.

Rick, what's going on? Well, I was just wondering what list I would be on today in all these, you know, gropers and whatnot. But on an honest accident mistake, me, my son, and my daughter-in-law were coming over from a car one night in the ride home, my pickup truck. I was in the passenger seat. He was driving and she was in the middle. I went to go release the seatbelt. I put the seatbelt on, no problem. We're getting ready to turn in my driveway. I reach out to go take the seatbelt off. My whole hand is in my daughter-in-law's crotch. I left Bob Tom pushing down, trying to release the button, and I was up in here, Dad!

And my son looks down, he goes, Dad, what the fuck are you doing? I'm trying to find the seatbelt. He goes, well, it ain't there. Yeah. That was just an honest mistake. It was like, you hear all this stuff about groping and all this carrying on. It's like, man, this was just an honest mistake. I can imagine if this thing got public and I would be

on everybody's shit list. Yeah, that's why I never like seatbelts. Yeah, right? I heard your bit about that. I'm married.

That's right. I do have a bit about it. I forgot. I've got to go back and revisit my material. But what did your daughter did your daughter-in-law

hold it against you? Did she know it was on? Is this a real story, Rick, or are you busting my chops? No, no, it's real, but I couldn't look at it for a week. And every time he walked by me, she'd just stick her.

It was real. I couldn't look at it for a week. Was it really an accident, Rick, or did you have a few too many in you? I had a few too many cocktails, I can tell you that. Okay, well, then I don't think it was an accident completely. All right, go. Come on now. I'm just trying to be judge and jury here. I say you say

five Hail Marys. All right, man. Thanks. All right. Take care, Rick, and wash your hands. What the hell kind of story is that? Kind of a Roy Moore type story. I was reaching for the seatbelt for 21 minutes. She came three times. I buckled up.

The hell are you talking about? Um. I was going to get to the ESPN, but I don't know. People still want to talk about that. Maybe we hold this for tomorrow night, the ESPN stuff. Because this is the last segment. By the time the callers come in, you and I are going to say sayonara. I mean goodbye.

Auf Wiedersehen. You know what I'm saying to you? Mm-hmm. Kurt in Kentucky he's going to talk about the cultural differences I believe when we talk about sexual harassment Kurt is that what you're talking about yeah fuck them all 18 to 80

blind crippled or crazy what's that I couldn't understand that I don't speak southern again I said I said fuck them all 18 to 80 blind crippled, or crazy. All right, Brendan, you're from Kentucky, aren't you?

Fuck them all, 18 to 80, blind, crippled, or crazy. Brendan, wasn't that your yearbook picture quote? Yeah, it was our prom theme that year. Oh, my God. That's very Kentucky of you. Oh, my God. That's very Kentucky of you. No, you had a caller that called in.

They were talking about age difference in the South. He dated a younger girl. Yeah, yeah. And that really, I mean, I'm 46 years old, and I'm in my 20s. I mean, what are you, a 15, 16-year-old girl? You know, my grandmother had babies at 12. My uncle, he served in the Marines and Army for 20 years. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, back up,

Kurt. Did he say at 12? At 12 is when my grandmother had my father at 12 years old. For the love of Christ! You want to hear the kicker on it? Yeah. Her husband, which was my uncle's brother, he wasn't a father.

My uncle was. I can't even. That's so Southern, I can't even follow it. Holy shit. I'm getting Down syndrome just listening to this fucking tale. Our brother was, I mean, not her brother. Her husband's brother was actually my dad's father. They were brothers. But no. How old was, how old was. Oh, I mean, not her brother. Her husband's brother, actually, my dad's father. They were brothers.

How old was, how old was, you got it, really? So she just fucked your dad and his uncle. She fucked my uncle and my uncle's brother. Right, so two uncles. Two brothers. Two brothers. She married one, slept with the other one. Two brothers.

Had my father. Something tells me it wasn't consensual. Seriously. I don't know. I think he was like 18 and she was 12. And my uncle, when he got older, he got married and had six kids and a wife and done that for 20 years or so, 18 years. They got divorced, and he was 36, and he married a general daughter, and she was 15, and they was married and he married a general daughter and she was 15

and they was married until he died. You guys ought to go on. They ought to have a commercial for Ancestry.com with you people. I wasn't nobody related to anybody. I'm just saying that back then it ain't nothing to hear somebody talk about, you know, oh, but she had 14 kids. That's what happened when she was 12, 13 years old. That's the way it was back in the day.

Yeah, no laws apparently in Kentucky back in the day, huh? 12 years old? Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, back then, it's just, I just wanted to marry them off and they could start feeding them, I guess. All right, Kurt, thanks for the call. Oh, my God. Take care. I need a goddamn...

I need a closed caption for that fucking... Jesus Christ. All I heard was, 12-year-old pussy, my uncle fucking... Sure, back then, 12. Fucking 12. That's... Yeah?

I know, I mean, it's kind of common. Why the South, though? Why is that... Why the South? Yeah. Huh? Why that part of the country? Well, you know, you get some grits in you, you get horny, and the fucking heat kicks in.

Well, you know, you get some grits in you, you get horny, and the fucking heat kicks in. Missy Mae over there, she's running around in her panties in the above-ground pool. Huh? Craig in Atlanta is a DJ at a strip club. He says he sees harassment regularly. I don't believe you, Craig. Got a titty bar in Atlanta? Oh, yeah, man. I get harassed on a regular basis.

You get harassed by who? By the dancers. Do you really, huh? You're a minority employee at the club. I mean, so they got to pick on somebody other than the customers. They're eventually going to, you know, target that. Yeah, it tell... Yeah. Yeah.

What do they do to you specifically? But at the same time, it's kind of like, well, shit, they might hang up on you one day with that. What do they do to you specifically? Give me an example of you being sexually harassed by a stripper. They literally grumped into DJ booths or, you know, some of the things that come out of their mouths, you know, it makes me blush. I mean, it's like, Jesus Christ, I've been in a club for over 20, and you're saying things that are going to make me kind of flinch a little bit. You know, it's like, it gets a little crazy. But like I said, it's too tough. You've been a DJ at a titty bar, did you say, for 20 years? Almost 20 years, about 18.

No kidding. You get dental and pension? Huh? No, no kidding. There's no retirement plan, no retirement plan, no health benefits at all. I guess you, you made a career

of that shit, huh? Yeah, it was kind of, wasn't intentional to make a career out of it, but it's kind of the way it worked, you know? It's hard to leave.

First, there wasn't nowhere you could go. Yeah, exactly. It's hard to leave once you, you get in it, you're vested that long, it is hard to leave,

without a doubt. All the nice, good-looking strippers out there. Diamond to the center stage. Please welcome Diamond. Then the fat one comes up. Please welcome Sheetrock.

He's got a fucking glass eye and a limp fucking ball patch. That's the one the comic picks. Yeah, I called you a lot of times, don't you? I've also got a Filipino wife and a gay roommate sister-in-law that lives with us, too. You know, you can tell me I need to start my own show. Yes. You didn't even mention you were a DJ at a titty bar. Yeah, I'm a DJ at a rather large club in Atlanta,

probably the second or third largest in Atlanta. What's the name of the club? The Oasis. Oh, the Oasis, yes. I got stabbed in the champagne room there one night. I stepped on one of the Atlanta Hawks' foot, I think. Oh, wow. A lot of those guys come in, but not so much anymore, man.

They kind of... Yeah. The horse guys don't come in like they used to. Yeah, because they were getting robbed by these fucking hookers and shit. Yeah, I read... I've been waiting all day for them to bust up with a sexual harassment claim to get somebody there i mean it's like i see it every day i'm like jesus christ just come sooner or later yeah you should jump on that bandwagon you know i'm trying to stay away from it every chance i

get it would be a hard job to quit i i gotta believe though i mean jesus it's good yeah it is without a doubt give us anyway man love your show and listen as much as I can. All right, Craig. Good luck to you, and don't let those broads touch you too much. I'll try to keep them away, man. All right. Take care. All right, bye-bye.

Oh, my God. There it is. Oasis. Good time emporium. Is that what it said? Good Time Emporium. Some nice wings. Yeah.

Look at that. Nice picture of wings with celery and there's some blue cheese. And I see a pube in the blue cheese. Look at the fourth one down. Mini sausage. What am I looking at? Mini sausage. Mini sausage.

Mini sausage. Delicious. Oh, that Mini sausage. Delicious. Oh, that's small people night. They have the dancers come out. And that's pretty original. They put celery next to the wings. Nice steak. T-bone special.

Look at that T-bone. Oh, my God. See, that's where I'm at at this point. I wouldn't even look up at the broads. My face would be buried in that steak. The girl on the... That could be anybody. That looks like the girl that they use in the ad

looks like Napoleon Dynamite's girlfriend. His glam shots. Let's go to Matt in Connecticut. Matt, welcome to the show. Hey, what's going on? How are you? Good. How are you doing?

Good, good. So, yeah, look, sexual harassment exists. I get it. But what also exists is that women are attracted to men who have power, who are rich. And it sort of boggles my mind that a woman can make a pass at a guy because he's rich, because he's powerful. to the guy because he's rich, because he's powerful. But the second that rich and powerful man does the exact same thing, but in reverse, to a woman, suddenly now it's sexual harassment.

Yeah, well, you can thank feminists for that. The feminist movement is behind all that. The broads, it's feminist against men now, is all it is. And I'm telling you, and I said this, and I'm not jokingly, most of the women

that head up these feminist movements are the ugliest as a fucking boot. They never get fucking laid. And I'm telling you, they don't want anybody else to get laid.

They want a sterile world where fucking, if a guy looks at a girl wrong, he's going to get in deep shit. And I say, let the girls

make the first move from here on in. And then now, if you do that, nobody's going to get laid. Right, exactly. But I'm just curious, wondering what these feminists would have to say about women who go after guys who are 20, 30, 40 years older than them

simply because of the fact that the guy's rich. Because it does happen. I see it every day. Oh, Christ, yeah. Christ, yeah. And they wouldn't say anything because they're fucking hypocrites. And you're exactly right. There's a double standard right now.

And especially I feel bad with these guys on college campuses. It's unbelievable how they get railroaded with allegations of rape and there's no recourse for them to fucking... It's rigged. It's rigged against them. And some of the shit Obama passed helped that create that atmosphere. So once again, it's that agenda. It's that far. I don't know what they're fucking.

They're pro gay fucking, you know, anti straight white male agenda. It's it's banging on all cylinders right now. And you're absolutely right. Girls in power. Again, guys do most of the harassing and stuff, but absolutely it's a two-way street, and you never hear about that

the other side of it. Thanks for the call, Matt. Appreciate it, buddy. You got it. Well, Henry Kissinger. No one must know my terrible secret. Power is the greatest aphrodisiac. That was him.

But it's true. Like I said, when those girls took the job on Ron Burkle's plane, what do you think? They don't think they... What do you think they think? I just want to get some experience so I can go to Delta. That's my goal to do the Delta shuttle between D.C. and New York. I'll learn on Ron Burkle's plane. Oh, what?

Clinton's going to be on it? Fucking Elvis' ghost and who else? It was my Burkle. It was a Ron Burkle. Boy, that was some wild pussy on that plane, was it not? You are correct, sir. He's absolutely right, though. I mean, two-way street.

And then the rich guys, you know, take advantage of that power. Billy in Los Angeles, a regular call on the show. Bill, how are you? You said you had accidental groping at Disneyland? Oh, yeah, this one's embarrassing. Standing online with my wife in California Adventures, they had the guys dressed up as the green plastic figures from Toy Story. When they started walking by, I see the top of my wife's blonde head in front of me,

and I start looking as they walk away, and I look back and I see the top of her blonde head and make a comment about it being her favorite movie and grab a handful of butt cheek, and next thing I know I hear i hear um and it's not my wife's voice and a chick turns around and she had a look on her face and i pulled my hand back i look at my wife right next to her wait you but and her boyfriend was laughing oh lucky you oh yeah considering he was about six three and could have driven me into the ground like a rail spike yeah could have been fucking jj watts girlfriend or some shit so he just laughed about it huh yeah he must have seen what had happened

but she was uh a little appalled and taken back but I think once she realized what had happened, she just kind of blew it off and, eh, whatever. But, boy, that was embarrassing. I just walked the rest of the line with my head down. You probably masturbated to it, though, right? Fucking 10 or 12 times, that way? Oh, no, no. Absolutely not.

Never. No. Okay, maybe. All of a sudden, you're Canadian. All right, Billy. Thanks for the call. Take care. All right, Billy. Thanks for the call. Take care. All right, Nick.

Have a good night. All right. We never got into the real details, or did we, about Stallone? Was I? We did that show about the 16-year-old girl and his bodyguard. Did you hear about that one, Brent? Didn't even get into that one. He was making that movie Over the Top in Vegas.

He was staying at whatever hotel at the Vegas and this girl was staying there and ends up 16 years old. He denied it all, of course, but there's police records. There's a whole... He double teamed this girl with his bodyguard who since got shot in LA, killed.

But yeah, this is in 86 and just he said to her, you know We're both married men So if you say anything We will bash your head in And then both of them will lap in And it's all

But there's a police report And, you know, so I don't know Which, when I heard that story It reminded me of this What was I going to say? You hope I don't keep acting like a whore I'll turn into one, right? Yeah, something like that.

Night, Rocky. Night, Marie. Take care, you know? Hey, Rocky. Yo. Screw you, creepo. That's not how you walk to her home, Marie. You hang out with coconuts,

you're going to be a coconut. You hang out with a kid in a wheelchair with an adorable blanket, you're going to be... Once again, Fiore's eyes lit up halfway through the show. I look over my shoulder and there's the kid, our favorite little kid with the Shriner Center. We're making this kid a star. He's on my Twitter account today.

Somebody put him, you know, reading a Christmas. Oh, that was a Christmas thing. He's got a whole new Christmas ad. He's got a Christmas special out. This kid is fucking, I got to call his agent. I don't get half the FaceTime on TV. I got to donate. But yeah,

the Stallone thing was very disturbing. And, but you know, he was 40 at the time. She's 16. And I guess she was built like a brick shithouse. Cause it says, you know,

she remembers everything, you know, but he said to her, where'd you get a build like that? And, and then his guy gives her room keys and whatever. I'm hoping it's not frigging, I really am hoping it's not true. You know?

It's like finding out if Jimmy Hoffa was crooked or something. I told you the big tragedy for Irish people was Kennedy assassination and for us Italians when we found out Travolta was gay. They're about the same thing. That's about it for tonight, right? On a Monday, back in the studio,

felt good. Again, catch me, Helium Comedy Club, December 8th and 9th in Buffalo. New Year's Eve, High Yonkers Comedy Club. January 26th, 27th

at the Comedy Works Saratoga Springs and hit me up on Twitter. You kids, you take care of yourselves, and we'll talk to you tomorrow night, all right? I'm going to go home and soak in the tub nice. Take care. Bye-bye.

Bye-bye.