The Nick DiPaolo Show - Abbott Continues Trolling Adams | Nick Di Paolo Show #1260

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

Hochul taking credit. NYC offers freebies to illegals. AL cop ran over in own yard. CNN keeping Lemon & Acosta. Kick heard round the world. Make me a "sand wedge".

I'm a man I got the actual song on here, but if I play it, we get flagged right off the bat. Let me take a sip of coffee. Get rid of this cancer throat. What the fuck? I'm not even smoking. I'm blaming you now. Here we go. Oh, yeah, much better.

Hi, kids. How you is? How you great? Oh, great show tonight. We got McLean Stevenson, Dolly Parton, and a very funny guy, Mr. Don Rickles. So buckle up, kids. Weekend, how was your weekend, kiddies? This is a big, this is how lazy I've become.

I was the guy that used to go outside on the weekends and give a shit about what his lawn looked like, which is a sign of aging. Or you got a wife that'll mush your chops into a fine powder if you don't. But I've been looking out and we have a small backyard.

You know, compared to what I had, Westchester, I had a fucking acre or whatever the fuck to cut or whatever. And New York. So now we just have this fucking small, but it's all, you know, it's patchy. We laid, I say we, my wife laid seed down. I used to do all that shit. I'm done.

I did it when I was in college for a summer job. I lived next to my grandfather from Italy. I couldn't get out of the neighborhood without him grabbing me around and making me grow something, or fucking rake something, or clean something. I just hate it all. I fucking hate it. And my wife absolutely loves it. I just look out the window.

It's 110. She's sweating her balls off. I got a mountain dew on my head. Come on in, honey. It's hotter than hell's hinges out there. Gives me the bird. You know, they make you feel guilty all kinds of fucking what anyways I've been letting the grass grow and I think she's we're having kind of a standoff because nobody sees it

It's in the backyard, but you know we let the dog out. We have a little dog. You can't see the dog Dog goes to take a shit. It's lost in the grass And I'm thinking if my old man saw this he would put a bullet in my fucking head. He was Mr., you know, whatever. So I finally get off my ass, go to Home Depot, and got an electric lawnmower. I wouldn't, look, if I had a real lawn,

I'd get a gas one, but I'm just saying. I'm not going to put fucking $8 gas into a lawnmower. Yeah, so I got a little Ryobi, whatever the fuck they call it, 40. Nice and quiet. It looks like a goddamn space, but whatever. Bottom line is I cut the grass for the first time in three years. Good night, everybody. The dog's out there jumping up and down, taking shits everywhere, celebrating.

And so that was a big thing. I literally cut the grass in, I'd say 18, maybe 16 minutes. And I'm like, is she going to get mad if I go in the fucking house? Which I did. I'm in there working. I'm playing my guitar. And I hear, she's out there with a weed whacker. Who do you think I am?

Who gives a fuck? That's how you know you're old. That's a big weekend for me. That and the UFC fights. I got a funny story about that. We'll get that in a few minutes. I made a real rookie mistake as a sports fan TV watcher.

You guys probably already know what I'm talking about. Anyways, guys, as I've said previously, I'm going to be leaving the Comics gym platform uh it's just too expensive and it's a real pain in the ass for the people who help me out here if you're a subscriber you probably got an email about your subscription being canceled please take a moment and come support me and this show on patreon i'm excited because over the weekend we got a bunch of new ones names Names I've never seen, Finland, Scotland.

As you know, the show's entirely supported by you guys, and I hope those of you who've been with me on the Comics Gym continue on with me on Patreon. So please go to patreon.com slash thenickdapaloshow and join up now. Thanks again, and enjoy today's show, everybody. If you're done, I come over there, okay? I tell you no kiss!

Why, you stupid fuck! I'm losing it. Coffee, monster drinks, had a Mountain Dew for breakfast. You know, kind of a colored diet. What? What'd you say? You heard me, you motherfucker! Let's get right to it. You know, New York thought they won a victory when they

got rid of Cuomo out of Albany. Then they replaced her with this dirty hoola huckle who, I don't know, nobody voted for her. You know, she was, however it worked, she was the deputy governor, whatever. The point is nobody voted for her. She's more liberal than Cuomo. Anyways, disgusting incident this weekend in New York. You might have seen it. This sex fiend, sex offender, freed without bail after he allegedly, it says allegedly, here's why we live in a land of lawyers. Seriously, you fucking lawyers out there, you know who I'm talking about, the Amish, you pricks have ruined, seriously, we're so litigious that you have a guy on tape doing something, and yeah, you got to use allegedly, you could get sued. I don't want to live in that world. That's why I

found the nice duplex in fucking Ireland. I did. Anyways, allegedly sucker-punching a stranger into a coma. This was the most cowardly craven act I have ever seen in my life. Knocks the guy into a

coma. Just a random guy. He's arrested on, uh, arrested Friday on a parole violation with Governor Hochul claiming credit despite her refusal. My point is, folks, after he did this, what he does, we'll show you, to this guy, they let him back on the streets. They lowered it from attempted murder to whatever. He was back on the streets. They lowered it from attempted murder to whatever. He was back on the streets after, I'm going to show you what he did to this guy. And then douchebag here comes in, claiming

credit despite her refusal to roll back the state's controversial bail reform law. That's why he was on the streets. You're a loser! You'll always be a loser! Why? Van Foo Boy. There you go.

He looks just like the guy. You guys can Google this. Do you remember the guy out in San Francisco a few years ago that shot a gun he supposedly found and it ricocheted? There was a guy with his beautiful daughter. Just looked standing on the pier and it killed her. Remember, it was huge. Her name was Lisa something. This could be the guy's twin, I swear to God. Anyways, Van Phu Bui, which is a, you know what, a fraternity that

I pledged up at... Van Phu Bui, Delta Dake, 55 years old, was taken into custody after outrage sparked hours earlier by the post front page coverage of his release. I'm going to show you the sickening. This is, we've seen a lot of shit over the years. Now, remember, this guy has a brain bleed. Put him in a fucking coma. I guess he's off the ventilator, I think. Did I read that?

But you want to see the cheapest? And I said, you know, I said the Dallas, this is where China has it right. And Iran and shit. I know you're going to go, Nick, you're crazy. No. This guy, they should call him in, right? All of a sudden he disappears. Nobody can find him.

The government just makes him disappear. Nick, but that's what Putin does. Yeah, I know. Only he does it to famous local news guys that hate him. This piece of garbage has no reason to be walking the earth. Watch this. Even the people in the corner are going, what the? Look at this cheap shot.

Look at it. He hits his head on the cement lucky he ain't dead he's never going to be right though you won't be right after that I get sucker punched by a girl and I didn't know where I was for a second

I mean I was this guy never knew he never knew he probably woke up in a hospital and go mean, I was, this guy never knew. He never knew. He probably woke up in a hospital and go, how'd I get here? What a piece of fricking, and the goddamn Bronx DA lets him out after that. Back on the streets. That's not attempted murder. Oh, I forgot that's alleged. We don't know if it's him yet. The NYPD had charged Vui with attempted murder, but Bronx prosecutors, let's find these jerk-offs and burn them alive, downgraded the rap to misdemeanor assault. Misdemeanor assault and harassment. So you can do that beyond the

street. I'm ready to go out and punch somebody that cuts in front of me. No, you're white. Oh, I forgot. Well, I got a little black in me, I'm going to tell you. No bail violations leading to his release Thursday. They fucked, you believe that shit? Why is everyone so fucking stupid? I don't know, my friend. Why aren't more people interrogating, like me? And then she comes out.

I was going to show the clip of her saying this, but it angered me too much. Look at this freak of nature. Her and Whitmer ought to get a room, showering each other's filthy asses. But I, listen, she's bragging. But I took action in my own hands. Hochul boasted, held up her favorite vibrator.

Good night, everybody. His history reveals he was out on parole as a level three sex offender. This is her talking. I directed the Department of Corrections and Community Supervision to immediately examine whether or not this parole violation occurred. Yes, it did. You could tell this occurred. And this was a person on lifetime parole.

Hulk crowed, You need to shut the fuck up. The topic has gotten a lot of different reactions. While some people want to see tighter bail laws, guess who doesn't? Oh, I'm going to go out on a limb. Others argue the bail system isn't equitable and causes overcrowding in jails.

I don't know who said that, but... He's that cat! There you go. Okay, this is why we're doomed as a species, that we can't, we can look at that and not agree on. All that stuff about equity and that's all a false religion. It's all social justice. It's a bunch of shit. It's a bunch of horse shit. They do it under the guise of social justice. It all starts with the words, you guys know. You've seen the show a couple times.

I hope. I hope you have. I need another fucking weed whacker. It broke yesterday. Anyhow, do you believe that though? She comes out and makes an announcement on TV in New York. I put my foot down. You didn't change bail reform, which is, that's how you know it's intentional.

And does anybody in the press raise their hand? Should this guy be out there in the first place? Isn't it bail reform? Do you ever hear anybody say anything like that? No, they sit and nod. Because it's a 22-year-old girl who's got her, she's got a C-plus in fucking journalism. That's SUNY Purchase. It's a state school I did comedy at.

When you're a comic, man, when you're brand new, you'd you're like, oh my god, how much are you going to pay me? It's like $700. This is when you're like your brand though and you're making $50. But you do a college that pay you. Get all fucking

excited. Drive four hours upstate New York, standing on a cafeteria table. I'm not kidding you, at noontime, people not even listening to you, walking by with their spaghetti and shit. I'm not kidding you. Any comic can tell you this. And you think you're in show

business at that point. You believe that? But you get a check for like $700 or whatever, $800, it might've been $1,000. You couldn't believe it. You're like, oh my God. You thought you're in show business. Let's move on. What's the headline? Hey, Abbott. There you go. Border crossers arriving in New York City on migrant buses sent from Texas by Governor Greg Abbott are being awarded. Listen to this.

This is what these people showing up on buses here illegally. They're awarded when they get here, health care services, as well as free cell phones, among other things. Unbelievable. Fucking people. Oh, my God. You have no idea how to defend a nation. Free cell phone. You know what they do with the cell

phones? I read another story. I don't think it's in here. They call the next load, some of their families that's coming on the next load, where it's easiest to cross, what address when you get here to get health care. They pass all that. It's a system.

You're watching it, folks. It's totally illegal. That's how you know the picture's in. Don't even get upset anymore. Biden's flying him in, just sending him out. It's totally against the Constitution. Nobody's doing anything. And don't believe the Republicans.

Greg Abbott, I'd like to fucking hooray you, but at least you're putting up a fake show. On Sunday, as the New York Post reports, the city's hospital system held an event for arriving border crossers. What do you have, a fucking freshman mixer? For arriving border crossers at a hospital in the Bronx where they were offered they're not even here a minute think about this they're often health care services along with free cell phones food library cards and school supplies can you blame Jorge here it's a guy that my Bush is up in New York he was very good we used to have deer deer would eat our flowers. You know the deer in

the woods? They would eat our flowers. So they, they, they, my wife read the article, you put hot sauce on the flowers. Now we have a different problem. Now our garden is eating all the lilies. My garden is eating all the lilies. The event comes as Mayor Eric Adams, who's just a dummy, has no business being mayor, estimates that in the last few weeks, Abbott has bused more than 4,000. Wow, that's what, an hour? That's like an hour on a border town in Texas. More than 4,000 border crosses to New York City is part of his plan to alleviate waves of illegal immigration to Texas by transporting

new arrivals to the sanctuary cities run by Democrats. So they have to put their money where their filthy goblets are. In addition to free goodies from the city, thousands of border crossers that get piano lessons, new shoes, and sex—look at this. That's not too racist. Are expected to be housed in luxury hotel rooms. I want you to think about it. And Ann Coulter had a great line this weekend.

Think about that. You can walk right into this country illegally. You get a cell phone, health care. It's harder than when you go out of the country as an American. When you come back in, you have to go through customs and all that shit. It's easier just to walk in. Look at this pineapple. Anyways, so luxury hotel, I don't understand how that works either. Can somebody explain to me, are these hotels empty right now? I don't get it. And you can't have potential rapists at the Four Seasons sleeping next to a couple.

No. Or Kenya. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't know. Somebody. Illegal immigration poses massive costs to American taxpayers. You don't say. Annually. Every year, taxpayers are billed. Get this. Write this one down. More than $143 billion, $143 billion to subsidize the cost of the nations. Okay, here's a fake number they've been using for at least 20 years now. They keep saying cost of the nations $11 to $22 million.

You can look at newspapers 20 years ago, and we have no idea. People who do count, like at Harvard or whatever, they say it's upwards of 30. And I'm guessing it's more than that now. 11 to 22 million illegal aliens. Get the fuck out of here. I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore! It is a replacement theory. Oh, you're paranoid. It's exactly what it is.

Well, some of the politicians say it. Some of the... Treating you guys like... They despise you, the American citizens. Anyways, I've had enough. I've moved to Canada, but that's more fucking dangerous than China. With that big fag running at Trudeau,

that cum-guzzling dinkweed. Hey, guys. A little segue. Make plans to come see my filthy mouth and me on the road. Here are my upcoming stand-up dates. Friday, I haven't, and I'm going to be honest with you, folks. I'm just showing up, and it's going to be off the cuff. I'm not doing my fucking act.

Don't expect a bunch of joke A to B to C. I'm going to cut loose, which is way funnier, usually. I don't know. If it sucks, what are you going to do? Friday, September 9th, Soul Joe's Comedy Club, Roysford, Pennsylvania. Saturday, September 10th, Algonquin Arts Theater, Menisquan, New Jersey.

Sunday, September 11th, Sugarloaf Performing Arts Center, Chester, New York. Friday, November 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club, West Palm Beach, Florida. Saturday, November 12th, Snappers Strip Comedy Club, Fort Myers, Florida. Sunday, November 13th, Sidesplitters Comedy Club, Tampa. At the Tampa gig, I'll be doing a live Q&A after the show with VIP ticket holders, so grab them. Some guy wrote to me saying he's coming down from, driving down from Canada to the Tampa show.

God bless him. So grab them before they're gone. You can get tickets at all these shows at nickdip.com. This is a story that caught my eye that it just goes to show, man. This is some of the best police work I've ever seen and how cops are marked. Charges have been upgraded. This is called unexpected insanity. Against a man who authorities say struck an off-duty police officer with a vehicle at his home earlier this week.

Does it say where? Gregory Martin Hill. Beautiful man. You can, oh, gee, look, he's got monkey pox. Looks like Dan Aykroyd 40 years ago. 54 years old, was initially charged with second-degree assault in the Tuesday attack on Decatur officer Jack Brown. Oh, Georgia?

Alabama. Alabama. Oh, yeah. I'm confusing my red states. On Thursday, police said Hill is now... Why did I say Georgia? Is there a Decatur, Georgia? Said Hill is now charged with attempted murder.

So somebody gets it right. Take note, Hochul, you fucking titless wonder. Decatur police spokeswoman Irene Cardenas Martinez said the officer was at his home with his family in the 2200 block on 11th Street Southeast when Hill approached the officer's residence on its 11th Street Southwest in Decatur. According to charging documents against Hill, Brown noticed a black Jeep Wrangler stationary in front of his home and asked the man, later identified as Hill, if he needed assistance. Hill began to curse at Brown because he's from Alabama and he's tripping, and then backed out and hit a car on 11th Street,

and then this ensued. Watch this. 11th Street, and then this ensued. Watch this. 2209, 2209, 11th Street, Southeast. Cop knows what he's doing. One out of 12, one out of 12. See the redneck? And the double.

Here comes the bad guy. That's his cardio for the day back to the jeep you stinky sister cousin fucking dope now here comes the cop pause he has a right i believe he did the right thing because you never, but his life has already been threatened. He has a right to shoot that guy, I believe. But then again, some lawyer will get involved. Go ahead. Gets worse. Make me.

Make me, tough guy. Shoot the mother. That must be a Toyota. See the bumper. Look at this. Are you shitting me? Are you kidding? How's that for a tough cop?

He ends up apprehending the guy. Gets knocked into his neighbor's yard. Jesus. What the hell's going on out here? Nothing. Just a day in Alabama. Holy moly. Imagine that.

Again, they don't know each other, at least in the article. Brown was pushed almost the entire length of the front yard, police said. Hill then backed up and ran over Brown's legs. That happened to me at my senior prom. I grabbed the girl's ass in the meet. Believe me. Hill then exited the vehicle and was subdued by Brown and a civilian

who witnessed the ordeal. Well, where were you? Watching it? Cardenas Martinez said there appears to be no connection between Brown and the suspect. That looks like a young Dr. Oz with a shit-eating grin. Brown was taken to the hospital and since has been released. On Thursday, Morgan County Circuit Judge, is this Charles Elliott? He looks like a Charles Elliott, Thursday, Morgan County Circuit Judge, is this Charles Elliott? He looks like a Charles Elliott.

Who set Hill's bond, are you listening, at a million dollars cash. Okay, did you hear that? Jerk-offs. Bye-bye, dickhead. Oh, yeah, that's because he's a white guy in Alabama and believes in law and order. Anyhow, how, what, maybe that guy probably knew he was a cop somehow. And that guy looks like he. Huh? His police cruisers parked in the yards.

Yeah, that might be it. Wow. Call me a detective. Jesus Christ. Murder Nick didn't write. How did he know he was a cop? I know my buddy, my late great buddy, Greg Zook Zook would park his and he was in a tough neighborhood Miami Northeast Miami he just chose it because he didn't want to pay any rent and you know what they loved him it is true though they did the black neighbors loved that he had a cop car in the yard because it was a little fucking dicey over there stayed at his house once I never did it again not because of the danger his bathroom was creepy

anyways God bless my buddy that's what I got said watching him fight I have two nice recliners in my what we call den and I got to

because I figured he was going to be in the one next to me for every UFC fight. So now I put my dog that I punch in the head. That's a true story. You can tell any

ASBC fucking faggot. Anyways, let's move on, shall we? CNN is still lying. That's right. They're liars. CNN. This is CNN. They're a liar. CNN. This is CNN.

Now it is a most trusted name in news. Isn't that hilarious? It's almost a punchline now. Look at these two fucking pillow munching. Yeah, nothing says you're moving in a more neutral direction. This was my tweet, by the way. Again, I don't know what it got because I have to go through my manager.

I don't even remember. Anyways, I'm being shadow banned. They still... Anyways, I said, yeah, nothing says you're moving in a more neutral direction than keeping these two left-wing jerk-offs on your sad little network.

Since the sudden... I love this inelegant firing. He should have been shot in the head on air. What do you mean, inelegant? He should have been beaten with a garden hose on his big, fat, gay ass. Since the sudden inelegant firing of chief media correspondent Brian Stelter, seen here, look at this. Y'all fat fuck, look at you.

This week, in the cancellation of his show, Reliable Sources, named so ironically, the CNN newsroom has been abuzz with speculation over who might be next to go as the message has spread that the network is going more middle of the road. The rumor mill has understandably turned to Don Lemon, Please give me a call. who in recent years has been overtly opinionated and politically progressive and is anchoring. Here's the difference. On Fox, they make a clear distinction when you're watching opinion or you're watching actual hard news, like Bret Baier on Special Report is hard news.

It's real easy to figure out. And people go, Sean go Sean Hannity he's an opinion show it's real easy to figure out the name is right on the show Laura Ingraham whatever Tucker Carlson politically progressive in his anchoring of the primetime news whether discussing BLM movement misdoings of the Trump

administration or taking a corn hog right up his cheese buckle or the Supreme Court overturning Roe versus administration or taking a corn hog right up his cheese buckle. Or the Supreme Court overturning Roe versus Wade. You know, he's very opinionated. There he is. His jaw's been like that since he came out of the closet.

His version of lockjaw. Yeah, exactly. And he ain't catching flies. He's opening flies. He ain't catching them. Good night, everybody. Acosta. Where's Jimmy Acosta?

Show this guy. Remember this nemesis with Trump? Here's a song for you, you bitch. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. A big fat stinking cunt. You type of ditty, ditty, ditty, ditty. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. Hi, Jimmy, the chief domestic correspondent. Remember Trump go, sit down.

You're very rude. You're a rude person. Sit down. Give me the mic. The chief domestic correspondent has equally been a topic of the rumor mill as someone who's frequently trolled on Fox News for his, look at this, for his vigorous, who wrote this? For his vigorous reporting style and challenging Republicans who defend,

for example, denying the integrity of the 2020 presidential election. So if you point out or give your opinion like that, it makes you enemy number one. The big lie is what they did. The individual with knowledge said that despite the speculation, there has been no plan set by CNN's new CEO, Chris Licht. Beyond the decision of Stelter and the exiting of legal analysts, I like to spank my monkey on a Zoom call, Jeffrey Toobin. There he is going, look, smell this. Does it smell like cum to you? Nonetheless, a top CNN insider told The Wrap this week that Licht is seeking to establish a more neutral voice.

Really? By keeping Don Lemon on in Acosta? Shut your fucking hole. A more neutral voice as a news platform. One that's less associated with left-wing lens, he says. He is. Huh? Yeah. How do you like it? They tell you all the time what to do, what to think, what to feel. It's not a good brand position to be opposite of Fox News. Yeah, since they've been, I'm glad you guys came to that conclusion. They've been trouncing you in the ratings. Literally, Bill O'Reilly was number one when he was there for like 15 years. And now Tucker Carlson has more Democrats watching him

than CNN does. Positioned to be opposite of Fox, said a network insider familiar with Lick's thinking. He wants to be tough and no bulls. Oh, bullshit. It's cut off. No bulls. And no bullshit, but not affiliated

with a side. Let me explain to you why that's impossible in today's environment, you asswipe. You see, in my opinion, you keep branding Fox as this right-wing conservative, which they never were. Sean Hannity, yes. But again, commentary, conservative. Okay. And I always said this too, when people would argue with me, I'd go, if you watched a news network, right, and they were wrong when you checked them every time, after you watched them and took in their garbage and found out they were full of shit,

you wouldn't go back to them, would you? So Fox has had success for 20 something. And again, they're too corporate for me too. I get it. I'm just saying. Out of the two, I thought it was always unfair that they, you know, put them next to each other. It's fair to say he doesn't like the CNN Fox thing. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Who would, my friend? Hey, guys or girls, let me roast your buddy or say happy birthday to your mom. And when I leave the house on Sunday night with a nice plate of pasta. Through Cameo. I really like doing these things.

As you can tell, you can hear the sincerity in my voice. And Dallas has the link on the screen. Go there and you can see some of the cameos I've done. And by the way, when you tell me it's a birthday, I always end it with go to Denny's and get this. I don't think I'm doing all the same. I just, I think you should do it. Anyways, you've never tasted food like that. It is the best in the world. I've been everywhere, Buffalo, Tampa. Anyways, order one for yourself or whatever, and I'll bust

balls. It's a lot of fun. Or just go to Cameo and search my name, and sex offender will come up. You know those millions of dots? Those red dots when you pull up where the sex offenders are in the area? I'm six

of those. Anyways, let's move on to, I got to go for you. Boy, I'm embarrassed at this. I don't know what I'm doing different lately as far as UFC. I don't know if it's because my buddy, I don't know, but I always know when the big UFC fights were coming up. You know, they number them. 276, 276. I don't know what I'm doing this year that I don't know when the, I don't, I'm not watching something I used to watch. I'm not looking at, I don't know. Anyways. So last night, Saturday night, I'm like, this is kind of boring.

Of course, I'm watching the ID network. I'm watching fear thy neighbor, fucking kill thy Husband, Touch Thy Cousin, Touched by an Uncle. All that, you know, I'm watching all those shows. And then I realize at 1130 or something, I go, wait a minute, there might be a fight. Sure enough. So I order the fight after it already started. enough. So I order the fight after it already started. Okay. Leon Edwards, uh, verse Usman, who's a badass. Who's won 16 in a row. Welterweights. There's not an ounce of fat between them. They already fought once Usman won. He's the champion. He's got the belt. Anyways, this

is fight number two between these two. Um, so here's what I do for, I'll just tell you right now. I remember it's on. So I watch all the, when you order one of those, you guys know, you get about 90 fights. You get early prelims. You get the undercard. So I watch the undercard or the prelims, what I'm going to call it. I watch about 10 fights till two in the morning. And I go, you know what? I'm not going to stay up till four this time. I'll watch the big one tomorrow. So I go to bed. And because I have the memory of a 170-year-old mummy, I go to bed.

I wake up. My phone's on the nightstand. And I go, oh, maybe I'll look at a few stories for the Monday show. You know. So what do I do? I go to New York Post. There's a picture of Usman laid out.

I didn't tell you the best part. I paid $75 for that pay-per-view. $75. I went, no! Big headlines, you know. UFC upset. Motherfucker. God, anyways, what a rookie mistake that was.

Leon Edwards dropped Kamaru Usman with a kick to the head and neck in the final minute of the fifth round to win the Welterweight Championship. This is why this sport is so popular, guys. He was getting manhandled for most

of the fight. It was a good fight, but Usman was smacking aroundhandled for most of the fight it was a good fight but Usman was smacking around pretty good for most of Usman appeared to be seconds away from a 16th consecutive victory which would have tied an all-time UFC record before Mr. Leon Edwards came up with a stunning finish just in time he delivered the knockout Get this, with 56 seconds left in the bout. It was so funny because Joe Rogan and Cormier and all those guys, there's like a minute and a half left. They're going, what's he doing?

He's going to empty the tank. He's obviously losing this fight. Maybe he's happy that he went the distance, you know. That's what they were saying. They were all saying that when the big thing happened anyways that crosshead kick landed perfectly Edwards said you're gonna eat lightning and you're gonna

crap thunder that's what he calls himself by the way Leon Rocky Edwards check this out man watch it a couple of them. Right to the jaw. He fucking led with like a jab. This guy ducked his head this way and the foot was coming. What I tell you, he caught him flush. Can you imagine having feet that quick? And he was getting beat. He would have lost the fight.

And all those guys are like, oh, what's he doing? Is he satisfied with going the distance? And Joe Rogan, it's all over the internet, I'm sure. They always take a picture of Joe when he's losing his shit. It was, I can't believe I blew it for myself. That's me. That's not him. When I realized what I did and lost $75.

Edwards is 20-3, is undefeated, dating back to his previous bout with Usman. He lives in England, by the way. The British fighter rose to number two. He says, I grew up with nothing. I'm from Jamaica. And this welterweight division, while accumulating nine wins in that stretch ahead of the title bout, Usman, 20 and two,

lived up to his reputation as the number one pound for pound fighter in the world for much of the bout. The Nigerian weathered a late first round takedown and turned the tables with a late second round takedown. Usman controlled position a late second round takedown. Usman controlled position throughout the third round, earning two more takedowns and led 39-37 on the judges' scorecards after four rounds. He appeared on his way to a win by unanimous decision before Edwards rallied and the fucking kick heard round the world.

Run through a motherfucker's face. That's what you did, man. You got knocked the fuck out's what you did why did I hit that three minutes ago stupid fuckhead it was stunning man god it pissed me off imagine I could have sat there Sunday morning not knowing what was coming. I feel so bad. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. Don't talk to me in that tone of voice. Shut up and make me a sandwich tonight.

Or should I say sand wedge? Nicky boy, you are so goddamn funny. Haley Davidson. Haley Davidson is vying to become the first transgender golfer. Another man with tits. I'm kind of curious. I like to see the naked. Jimmy Norton has no problem with it.

Haley Davidson is vying to become the first transgender golfer. Boy. To earn a Ladies Professional Golf Association, that would be LPGA tour card, despite facing a furious backlash from critics who believe her tits aren't big enough and juicy enough. Who believe that she has an unfair biological advantage called a cock.

Throwing your son looks like a fag to me. Unbelievable. I mean, dude, really? After the leotard? You're a guy who's pretending to be a girl. You want to win that bad at golf? I don't mind that you're trans. That doesn't bother me.

It's what you're doing with your trans that bugs me. You know what I mean? It's so desperate. Did you not get enough? You want to be, I can't beat the guys. Davidson, Haley Davidson. How about Harley Davidson? That's what you should.

29, played two strong rounds at the LPGA qualifying school in Palm Springs, California over the weekend, shooting a 70 on Thursday, followed by her favorite 69 on, oh, for the love of my sisters that no, followed by a 76 the next day. LPGA rules dictate that any player who shoots under 88 in all three rounds will earn a 2023 Epson Tour status, which is the qualifying tour for the LPGA. The top 100 players will move on to Stage 2 in October, but Davidson's push to join the LPGA Tour has been blasted by elite tennis coach Judy Murray.

That's Andy Murray. Remember him? That's his mom, who kind of looks like Sam Elliott without a mustache. Probably has Sam Elliott's voice, too. Come on, Rocky. I know you've got a big, ugly face, but I'm going to tell you. Judy, yeah, she's all right there. The mother of the former world number one tennis player, Andy Murray. She says, no, it's not fair at all.

Judy Murray tweeted on Saturday. Protect women's sport. Listen to the facts, the scientists and the medics. This is wrong, she said. She's right. Regina's angry. She is.

She pissed off. It's pissed off. It's also a dick. Good night, everybody. LPGA removed its female at birth requirement. Well, then maybe you want to take a lady out of the title. Yes, scumbag. In 2010.

Jesus. 12 years ago? Where are the gays going? I mean, the years, opening the door to trans athletes provided that they have undergone hormone treatment and gender reassignment surgery. Davidson, who was born in Scotland but identifies as living in Florida, no, but currently lives in Florida, began hormone therapy in 2015, the same year she last competed as a male at a U.S. Open local qualifying in the Sunshine State. So not a bad golfer when you're a guy. So why, Davidson underwent gender reassignment surgery last year at Jiffy Lube and said she now hits the ball 15 miles per hour slower.

So what she's saying is, I'm not as good. Yeah, but you're ranked 59th. Even though you hit it slower as a woman, you're ranked 59th in the world amongst women. What, did you even rank as a man? That's the point, you cheese eater. I guess that's what frustrates me the most. If I play bad, then people will feel justified.

Oh, well, she played bad and wasn't good enough, she told Golf Week in 2021. If I do anything good, it won't be because of the fact that I put my whole life into this. It'll be because I'm trans. Yeah. Perhaps you'd like me to come in there and wash your dick for you. That was her caddy. In an interview on the podcast, like it is, like it is, in July, Davidson talked openly about transphobia she has encountered. I've seen that it's not about protecting women's sports, or, yeah, it is actually, or me having an advantage. It's just that you don't like trans people. Which is exactly

wrong. Davidson, who is competing in a field of 310 women, eyeing one of the coveted spots on the LPGA Tour, is currently tied at 59th place. Oh, that's not even a ranking in the world. That's where she is in this tournament.

Oh, poo-poo. How about this? You're a loser no matter what you are. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, you dink. She doesn't have a pipe anymore. No more pipe. Again, the trance thing, whatever, man. My wife changed my view on that when she said,

what are you wearing? You woke up today and you feel like you do, but you had to put a dress on, you know. I wouldn't like that very much, but I certainly went out and joined a goddamn girls' field hockey so I could score 40 goals. Anyways, that's it for today, I believe, ladies and gentlemen. It was a good show.

I'm very excited. Got some people again here from the Weather Channel. They've taken a second look at me. Go to patreon.com if you haven't moved over there. Please do that. And sign up. I'm excited because we got a bunch of new. And a few people signed up for the whole year, I think.

And some of our old ones signed up for the whole year. Anyways, what else? Cameo.com, did I already plug that? I did, right? Yeah, you can go to Thank Yous if you want. Let's go to Thank Yous. That's a nice hint. Hey, retard.

I want to thank people who contribute to the show. Michael Smith. These are names. Kenneth Lucia. Brian Russell. Jose Blasic. By the way, Jose, all three of these people, I guess, right? Made the move from the comics gym over to Patreon to continue to support the show.

Thank you guys for doing that. I also want to welcome our newest patrons. Berjan. Berjan. Berjan. Berjan. I don't know. He's Swedish.

Lowell Kramer. Frank Lucenti. Dave. Charles Wade. Harambee Dirtnap. Am I missing something there? Kevin Baldwin. John Paul Russo, one-time pope. One-time contributions, Glenn Weber, Heather Joyce Fenton,

Clifford Hritz, Paul Sagnella, Sean Powell, Justin Olson, Patrick Spangler. That's it. Beautiful. Thank you guys again very much for that. That's it. Beautiful. Thank you guys again very much for that. That's it. You guys think and I'll say it. You're very welcome.

We'll see you back here at the same time tomorrow. Have a good day, everybody. guitar solo Outro Music