The Nick DiPaolo Show - Anthony Cumia | Nick Di Paolo Show #1397

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo interviews Anthony Cumia! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder��� show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Hey folks, welcome to the big show. Got a special treat for you today. One of the funniest guys in the business. You know him, you love him. He makes me look shy as far as his views go, and there are a lot he thinks like you and I, and I find them hilarious. He's actually doing

stand-up now. He's a radio guy. He can do it all. Anthony Cumia, everybody. Thank you, Nick. Wow, that's a hell of an intro right there. You look good, man. I feel pretty good about it. You look good, man. I feel pretty good about it. You look good, and I look good. We try, right?

Yes. I lost seven pounds for the first time in my life. Oh, did you have to? Did you feel like you were like, I need to lose weight? Anthony? Yeah, I never had a real social media guy throwing shit up on social media. And I saw a couple of pics. And I know the camera never did me justice because I'm a real hunk. Anyways, a real hunk of shit.

I was this fucking wide. There was no excuse. I kept saying, that's just, you know, whatever the fuck. But these were, I couldn't argue. I go, what the fuck is going on and then i look at the pizza oven i bought for 15 grand in my kitchen well maybe that has something to do with it and so i had to do something and my my wife's gynecologist goes do the fucking south beach diet and i go what do i go to spring break and try to finger pop some girl from Oklahoma and drink old duels with her. So, yeah.

Day 13, it's the first time I've really... I always lie to people. I'm doing these diets and it's not working. I actually was so scared of how fat I was, I fucking stuck to this for 13 days. Got on the scale when I got home. I was on the road for a week. Just got home

and, yeah, seven and a half pounds gone. Wow, that's impressive. It's not easy, especially as you advance in years to do anything as far as weight loss goes or staying in any kind of shape. So I think genetics has a lot to do with it. You've always been an active kind of – you were a sports guy back when you were a kid in school. And I definitely think that works when you get a little older.

Yeah, it works. It's weird. Yeah, I've been lifted. Every year it's less. Like when I got out of college, I'd still work out five days a week. And then about ten years after that, I went down to four. Then the decade after that, it's down to three. You know, now it's a walk around the fucking kitchen well i think that might have i'm looking at my fitbit whatever the fuck um but yeah so but it sort of works against you

the only time people would say that i hey have you lost weight is when i wouldn't uh when i stopped lifting weights because you know i could bulk up a little bit from muscle memory. But as soon as I would stop, I would atrophy. Now I got a shitty physique with no muscle and they go, you look good. You're like, what? You look great. Wow, did you lose some weight? Yeah, 80 pounds.

Yeah. Fuck them. Yeah, I just celebrated another birthday last night. How old, man? Not to sound like the typical crotchety old dude, but that's what I am. That's what we are.

The waking up with just, oh, that hurts like a motherfucker today. If I was younger, I would go to the emergency room if I felt some of the shit I feel I would be sure it's something deadly like that type of pain and now you just go ah fuck it I guess I have to live with this for the rest of my life or it'll just go away tomorrow whatever I don't know

it's true I fucking this is how I know and I yeah I was an adult I played football you know starting at age fifth grade, that's youth football, four years of that, then four years of high school and two, two and a half years in college. And you do, you don't think about it then, but you're wearing your joints out. You're fucking doing squats and shit, all this shit that's unnatural for you. And then you wonder why. Now, when I come downstairs in the morning, it sounds like I'm walking on bubble wrap.

My knees are popping and crackling. And it sounds like a steak on an open fire. It's fucking odd. And Pauly Walnuts, it always comes back to that. There's always something you can relate to this problem. He was talking to Tony about getting old. He goes, you don't fucking think it's going to happen to you. Then it's your fucking teeth.

Then it's your eyes. Then you can't fucking piss. But I love that line. You don't think it's going to happen. Then it's your eyes. Then you can't fucking piss. But I love that line. You don't think it's going to happen to you. Yeah. It's a, you know, also I remember as a kid seeing relatives that were my age now and they were fucking old. Like not old, like your dad and your mom. They were fucking old men. And you go, what the fuck?

Did anything change or am I so delusional that I just don't think or feel like I'm an old guy? I try to remind myself of that when I'm, you know, fucking staring at a 20-year-old girl. Going, what are you thinking? You look like a fucking statue. You look like something in a cemetery with fucking cobwebs and shit on it to her. This guy's got a shot. You know how fast you have to pull out personality when you're with a younger pretty girl? Because your looks ain't going to fucking do it.

You look like her great grandfather. You better have some fucking game in what you're saying quick. And I lost that a long time ago. I don't fucking. I just. Well, that's in my act. I follow them around at the mall. And I'm not even.

They might have been in their late teens. I follow them into Abercrombie and Fitch, you know. Standing behind them, a foot behind them while they're picking out jeans, just going. Hey, girls, I'll be on the ID network next week. Hey, girls, I'll be on the ID network next week. I have definitely changed my route of direction on the sidewalk. Let's say I'm walking from Penn Station to the studio.

I've definitely changed where I was walking to just get a longer look at one of these broads that are walking around, especially when the weather gets nice. How old are you, Ed? What was your birthday? 6'62". Holy shit. Finally, somebody older than me. You don't look 62, does he, Dallas? I don't think.

I try not to. It's like Rage and Bull. He looks good, don't he, Jack? He looks good, like in the box. They did good. They did a good job on him. He looks good, don't he, Jack? He looks good, like in the box. They did good. They did a good job on him. He looks good. Good job.

Hey, I just got to mention this before I forget. We're talking to the great Anthony Comia, of course. At Anthony Comia, his Twitter handle, and he's very demure on it. He doesn't say much. He's kind of boring. That was a joke. Fucking guy. If there was a cops, well, there will be cops.

I just have to say this because I was, I'm doing, you know, I'm working with Crowder now. And I was there. I did a show on Thursday morning. Flew from Dallas to St. Louis to do four shows at the Funny Bone in St. Louis. And I got to tell you, your name when I'm shaking hands comes up as much as anybody's. Wow. Yeah. I mean, you and Crowder, but I'm like, Jesus, you still got

but these young kids ask me this. Is the shit archive from Opie and Anthony? They keep going. Well, they mentioned you and I doing these interviews, but they always go, yeah, I was listening when Patrice was on and I'm like, catch up, will you? Yeah, that's a... The motherfucker been dead.

There's some new shit out there. Yeah, it is, by the way. We got all that shit. There's a lot of it online. You know, people pop in. They go, there are people that listen to me now that had no idea what Opie and Anthony were. And then they actually find the old shit. And that's kind of... it's all out there.

And, you know, don't know what time frame anyone's really listening to, but, you know, they seem to like it. So that's kind of nice. That's a reward, though, for still being relevant. That's how I look at it. I'm being, like I said, I have finally these social media guys that know what they're doing. These are the comments we read after a clip goes up from a special you know eight years ago who is this guy how come i don't know

him i feel like going because you're too busy watching that mr fluffy the fat mexican doing fag fucking voices that's why don't blame me i've been putting a shit out for 20 years but some of them are young i don't blame them you know i go fucking hello dude and they and because of this political correctness and the backlash on it maybe our time has finally arrived i don't want to say you know i'm just saying at least as far as selling tickets these kids are sick of this shit too yeah they didn't know what hit them in saint louis noticed that man and that's part of staying relevant that's right a lot of, you know, after a few years, they decide they want to get into what? Like Hollywood or they think it's their last chance to get accepted by mainstream media. hitting on everyone that's talking the truth and that's doing comedy that has some edge to it and think that's going to get their foot in the door. Meanwhile, it just makes them even more

irrelevant. You got to, you know, you got to stay on top of what's going on in the world and you got to speak honestly about it. Regardless of people, you know, think you're a piece of shit. That ship has sailed. Anyone thinking I'm not a piece of shit? There's nobody that doesn't know I'm an absolute piece of shit. That's what I say. I try to explain that to my family. There's money in being a piece of shit. Yeah, there is. And it's the one constant in the universe.

Yeah. Is, you know, people will want to hear you shit on people. And they'll want to hear the truth, truth regardless how fucking offensive people find it. Right. And we're not pieces of shit. We get labeled that because of our gender and our race at this point in time. Exactly. You know, so we're labeled that.

And I was saying this my whole career, you know, to comics, other comics, you know, I go, hey, if you aren't being called an asshole and you're a white guy like my age, you're not fucking trying out there. Yeah. What a great point, because, yeah, that is the definition of a piece of shit. Racist. They hate you. You're useless. You hurt everybody. You're the worst thing. You haven't contributed anything to society. And yeah, that's you. And if you're liked by those people, wow, then you are a piece of shit. That's exactly right. And like you said, you know, I see Kevin Bacon doing a commercial with his fucking wife, a transgender.

I said, what's that? Six degrees of molestation. He's all fucking, you know, and I try like kevin bacon and it's something i like about him but then i see him dancing around with his wife in a video pushing trank oh fucking may you die in a fire tonight with your i sound like norton may you slip may you fall slip in a puddle of aids as jim norton which yeah yeah let's just slip in a puddle of aids i okay I gotta say this too. I admire guys. I mean, Jimmy's done fucking tremendous. But even like Bobby Kelly,

these guys keep grinding. I don't think, and I've said this before, maybe to you, I don't think Bobby Kelly likes me for some reason. I don't know what the fuck. I think someone, I made a joke about him on stage. I used him as a fat reference maybe when I was at Governor's. Because I remember him busting my balls about that.

But it wasn't even derogatory. I can't even remember how I used it, what the context was. But something changed between me and him. There's something... Either that or I used to fucking verbally pummel him when he first came to the Comedy Cellar and Colin would egg it on.

But what I was going to say about him, I admire Bobby Kelly. He fucking knows what's going on as far as technology. He's really like a smart dude. Oh, yeah. He's got his, even my manager said,

he's got his ear to the ground of who's doing what and he's always in the middle of the mix. And I said, that is so true. And he's got a wife and kid. He's got a family now. And I just admire guys like that. And he's got a wife and kids. He's got a family now. And I just admire guys like that. And he's out there grinding it out.

And I can't remember why I brought him up. But I just, something feels weird when I talk to him. It is funny. But, I mean, obviously, everyone's done a Bobby Kelly fat joke. Yeah, well, I might be a punter. So I can't understand that being a reason he wouldn't like you. You did that movie with Louis with him. How was it on set?

Well, he threw a can of Coke at my head. So I don't think he... No. No, it wasn't. Obviously, it wasn't diet. Matter of fact, that's so funny you bring it up. This almost discredits what I just said. He wasn't there most of the

two weeks i was up there he had already shot stuff but he did come up like the last day or two and he brought me a uh it was like a black uh baseball cap an american flag like a he said he got it again which i thought was fucking sweet you know yeah he just to me i don't know maybe he's busy when i text him he'll take like two days to get back. And I'm like, hey, you fucking look great. How'd you lose the weight? And then no answer. Oh, shit.

Yeah, you did lose. He lost a lot of weight. I couldn't believe it. This is why, that's why I was bringing him up. This is why I said, for Christ's sake, I can at least put a dent in, you know, I got to be able to knock off 10. This guy lost a whole fucking my wife said he's almost skinny now is that true yeah he he lost a lot of weight and that's good you know i think when you have kids you know you really got to kind of think about uh you want to kind

of be around i guess for them uh bless your black when they get a little older and uh you know bobby's been through so many fats he calls him them, you know, I remember my third fat. I was like this. And he numbers them. He knows exactly when he was fat and when he was skinny. And it's fucked up because when he's a thin guy, girls find him very attractive. They find him handsome.

And I think he fats himself up to reduce the temptation to do what he normally would do, which he would cheat or be a piece of shit. And he doesn't want to do that. I think he uglies himself up with fat to reduce the temptation. You don't go to the point of you being turned down by manatees. I mean, come on. No, I said that in the text. I go, you fucking, you look handsome again. No response.

No, no, I don't know. But anyways, he's one of the worst with texts and whatnot. He, he's got a life. He'll text me, but he'll text me and then I don't get back to him. And he instantly calls. He goes, I

see you on fucking Twitter, dude. I know you got your phone in your hand. Pick up the phone. I'm like, oh shit. Should I do that to him? Yeah. I don't even think he'll pick up. I don't know what the fuck. I know. I remember I can't believe we're talking about Bobby. Let's move on. Anyways,

I started that. You asked about the weight and when I saw him, I go, for Christ's sake, I got to fucking actually stick to a diet for at least 10 days. Yeah. Yeah. What about drinking? Therein lies the problem.

Yeah. I go, hey, here's my, you know, it says don't drink. And here's my reaction to that. I go, it's called the South Beach diet. What am I supposed to be fucking? It's South Beach. What are you doing down there? Fucking smoke weed?

No, you drink. You drink on South Beach. But I was pretty good. Even at the Funny Bone. Well, Dallas was with me. I fell off the wagon a little bit. My producer drinks like a pirate. So I had the second night, I had, you know, probably three drinks.

But that's, I suppose if I didn't do that, I might have lost 10 or 11 pounds. But I always go with the vodka. They say that's the less calories and shit, you know. And it's some rationalization. Yeah, there you go. Well, it is as far as booze go. I know it's potatoes. It's fermented potatoes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I, of course, just to the uh the fruit beer here the fucking uh people are getting so fucking pissed at me a couple of subscribers one guy actually not even a couple one subscriber on the platform he goes he goes well i gotta stick up for my uh my beliefs dude i'm gonna cancel when my uh when my subscription's up, because you're drinking Anheuser-Busch during the show,

and E-Rock just canceled it, sent them a refund, and said, good, goodbye. Of course. And he's probably pissed because he probably wasn't really going to cancel. That's right. And E-Rock canceled it. He's like, hey, wait a minute. Oh, I didn't know you.

Not so fast. He was probably molested by a Clydesdale. Yeah, maybe it's deeper than a transgender. A clip of his mother went viral, her blowing a Clydesdale when she was in high school. Oh, Nick, why? Anyways, let's talk about, I don't know, anything. First of all, I was on with Crowder on the air when the news broke about Tucker leaving. Yeah, yeah.

Now, I like Tucker. I don't give a fuck what anybody says. People, oh, you put Now, I like Tucker. I don't give a fuck what anybody says. People, oh, you put too much stock on him. When they describe him as a right-wing extremist and shit, the guy, his delivery,

he couldn't be more fair. He admits when he's fucking wrong. He always gives people the benefit of the doubt. Then he explains eloquently why they're, whatever. The fact that they can label him every article

i read far right winger they don't they don't you know what the problem left is they forget what a far right winger is yeah yeah i say we remind them they're trying to remind them yeah that's right that's right they don't label everybody it's like real racists they call everyone a racist but when was the last time you saw an actual real racist guy aside from you know this broadcast that's right but uh that's two not one guy yeah yeah we make up for it yeah yeah we make up for it they uh but they label everyone regardless of how inconsequential the comments are all of a sudden you're hitler you're a racist you're this you're a transphobe and they it doesn't make any sense it's not uh an accurate assessment of people but then when the real one walks around they don't know what

the fuck to do uh but tucker is no way near a right-wing extremist. And then they label him, you know, he's lying to the public on a news broadcast. And they never talk about CNN and MSNBC with the Russian collusion and all the bullshit that they pumped out and are pumping out for years. But Tucker's the liar and the bad guy. Everything I've heard him talk about over the course of the years has been true so demonstrably true that's the thing i brought that up and i use the same examples as you you know trump being a fucking russian agent and uh yeah getting pissed on by a hooker yeah and they came up with it Blatant lies. January 6th and all this shit and I go,

the beauty and COVID, I said, he's been on the right side. I said, now it's demonstrably true. We can look back and prove this. Yeah.

Even the left has admitted on some of this shit and I go, so he's right on the fucking, I said, what's he lying about compared to fucking Goo Gobbler Don Lemon?

May he get monkey pox at the beach this summer. Fucking jerk off. Oh, my God. I don't know who I, although, you know what? I'd hang with him before I'd hang with Biden. I'd like to fucking, wouldn't you just like to hit him with a kettlebell? Back of his fucking empty skull. The lies that come out of that frigging woman,

that mop top woman that- Oh, that oh ragamuffin press secretary they're talking about how amazing the people uh the the job that biden has done the economy and and climate change and uh the kids and he he's been a clusteruck. Every day he's been in office. It's gotten worse and worse. And they blatantly just lie at how great a job this fucker's doing. Are people living a life? Are they going to work? Are they getting less for their money?

Is gas through the roof? Yeah. How do they try to lie to the people that this guy's doing a good job? All you have to do is go, hey, here's a couple of pictures of downtown Portland. Here's some pictures of downtown Los Angeles. Here's Chicago. Forty more little words were shot. Yeah, no, he's fucking right on top of it. And Anthony, you and I know this. It's a movement. I said this on Crowder. I go, I don't want to get your fans mad because I know, you know, I said, but I don't believe

in elections after the last one anymore. I'll go. You know, everybody's like, oh, dude, you can't. OK, I'll go and vote. I'll play the game. I don't believe in them. I don't believe what you really believe. They voted for that guy, Brandon Johnson, the fucking communist after Lori Lightfoot.

You really believe black, even black people voted for that fucking piece of shit as their kids are being mowed down. I don't. Do you believe these Sor people voted for that fucking piece of shit as their kids are being mowed down? I don't. Do you believe these Soros-appointed DAs? You really think people... We're on the road to Marxism, whatever you want to call it. And nobody's standing up like you and I are observing, commenting about. But we don't have a younger generation.

Like I keep saying, if I was 18, I'd be in a militia right now in Michigan. Yeah, no shit. I would. There isn't a younger generation that's real. I've seen a couple of rare instances of kids that actually have a little piss and vinegar in them, ready to go out there and maybe tear some shit up and make their points known. But for the most part, yeah,

they've undermined every ideal that this country was built on. It's such a freak show now that, you know, the transgender nonsense, the sex change, the kids going to see drag queens. All that shit is there to fuck up the upcoming younger generation and keep them on this road to ruin that this country's on. And they're doing a good job. They're doing a great job.

They're doing a great job. They are really flipping this society. I was reading about equitable equity grades now. You start at 50% when you take a test. It's not zero. It's at 50%.

And they can't judge you on behavior or even attendance. I was just reading this this morning. So what does that do that completely destroys it it goes against everything that's why it's so obvious that made this country great and they're doing it kids at elementary school so and here's my question where the fuck were all these i know they were around these lefties and but but this is a Marxist agenda being implemented. Were they hiding? Look, I know

we were seeing, you know, each year we're like, well, it's getting a little, the left's getting a little crazy, but it seems like these guys were hiding under a rock, these Marxists, and they're throwing so much shit at us so fast, it's like we've been waiting to unleash this shit. Hey, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around

for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to NickDepaloShow.com and join to get my full show and Crowder's full show and a lot more. And while you're there, to get tickets to see me live at Daytona Beach, Florida on May 12th in Arlington, Virginia, July 14th and 15th at the Draft House, click on the tour button. All right? All right. See you there. See you there. See you there.

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