The Nick DiPaolo Show - ATL. Peaceful Protest My Ass | Nick Di Paolo Show #1340

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Dems Quiet About ATL Riots Pelosi Performs Exorcism Genius Toddler   Get an extra story Monday - Thursday by joining Nick on Patreon! www.patreon.com/thenickdipaoloshow   Get tickets to see Nick, live! www.nickdip.com/tour    

🎵 He's looking at you, kid. Thank you very much. You should. Fucking delicious. Anyways, welcome to the show on a Monday. How are you, folks? Another week ahead. Well, four days. Anyways, welcome to the show on a Monday. How are you, folks? Another week ahead. Well, four days. Anyways, how was your weekend? Hope it was better than mine.

What did I do? Well, I went to a place called B&D where I hang out and drink. Saturday late afternoon, starting to get that. Whatever. Had a couple shots, couple beers. Get bored out of my tits. Ah, fuck, but I'm feeling good. I got a nice buzz. Stomach is empty. Okay, I'm over the legal limit. Let's be honest. Coming down a street called

Abercorn in here in whatever. It doesn't matter. I'm doing, you know, probably 40, 50, 60, 70. I don't fucking know. Anyways, boom! All of a sudden I hit something. No seatbelt on. Literally my head hits the ceiling of the car. The wipers come on because

my hand hit the fucking... The minute I, you know, I'm like, fuck! Sure enough, I hear... You know, the flat tire fucking... What is it with me and the cars? My wife doesn't want to give me the keys anymore. I drove 40 years. I always got bad for speeding when I was younger, but then when I, you know, when I lived in New York and I did a lot of driving I'd get one what every couple Of years maybe but in the last six months I backed into a fucking cop car busted doing 102 What am I fucking forgetting my wife's gonna list on a refrigerator What am I fucking forgetting? My wife's going to list on her refrigerator.

Fucking. Oh, my God. Backed into my late great buddy Zook's car. So this was within the last year. You know, crunched his and mine. I had never had a fender bend or any of that shit. I am like a fucking old man now. And then this, and I'm forgetting something else.

Popped for speeding a couple times. Anyways, I'm getting very disgusted with myself. Jesus Christ, I look like a fat emperor. Stupid gray, curly, stupid hair on a fucking... Holy shit. Anyways, pull over in a fucking car lot. That's the beauty

of this Savannah. This lot's... Oh yeah, remember my fucking radiator blue? Anyways, so I pull into a fucking lot and I'm like, oh, here we go, whatever. You know, I got my fucking spare in the back and the one that came with the car and shit. So I get out and what's odd is I'm there about five minutes thinking what I got to do and a fucking black dude pulls in with a flag and parks like three spots down from me. I get my fucking jack out. I got the thing. I put the jack under the car. I start and I go, I better get loose in the lug nuts before you do that.

No fucking, no lug wrench. Everything else in the package, the fucking lock for the lugs. And the one thing I can do, folks, I'm not the handiest guy. I'm great at changing a tire. Fucking, you know, a monkey could do it. Oop, no, that wasn't a slight to the guy that pulled that after me. Please. Matter of fact, he made me look like an ass. So I'm sitting there going, there's no fucking lug nut wrench. So there's a mobile station and there's a Burger King. I said, oh, I didn't tell you the best part. I get no cell phone. Me and my wife had gone out earlier that day in her car.

So I didn't bring my phone because she had hers. And then we went our separate ways because I had to drop my car off. I can't even remember the fucking events. I had no cell phone, as long as you need to know. I had my car, and I get no cell phone. I felt like it was 1850. It's a very weird feeling. Oh, there's a Burger King.

Fine, I'll just go in there and let, you know, one of the kids let me use their phone. No, no, not under Joe Biden's economy where nobody wants to work. You only have drive-through, and this is at fucking six at night. Motherless fucks. Can't, so I can't go in.

And there's a T-Mobile. I look in there, and it looks like fucking, looks like they're having, it was like a Red Lobster on a Thursday in Detroit. Just a lot of black people buying phones. I walk in anyways like I own the joint. That's all you got to do is come with the right body language. Manage a kid out front. Oh, he I own the joint. That's all you got to do is come with the right body language.

Manage a kid out front. Oh, he was guarding the phones. That was his job. That was his job. Not saying anything black folk. Not making any aspersions. Anyway, so he catches my eye. So he lets me use a fucking desk phone that's in a drawer from 1850.

I'm cranked. Hello, Sarah, Mount Pilot. And so I call AAA, which I have. Might as well fucking use it. Got a nice buzz going to him. Not in the moment. Fucking.

And so I walk out of there going, oh, he'll be here. Then I'm going, why didn't I call my wife who expected me about an hour ago? It's already been like a half hour. I didn't like it. So I stand out there. Then I go, ah,

fuck it. I'll call her to get her off my, she'll wonder where I am because sometimes I don't come home. Good night, everybody. It's been a nice life. What do I got a wig on today? What is this curly fucking powdered wig? Look, I don't like it. Anyways, use the phone again. Let her know what happened. She's laughing. Finally, the fucking guy shows up. They were pretty quick, about 20, half hours. But the brother already changed his tire and took off. I'm standing there like a bitch. All I could hear was Tony Soprano's voice in my head. He's yelling, AJ.

He goes, we changed tires in our family. AJ wanted to call AAA. I could hear my father's voice. Anyhow, guy comes, nice black dude. Nick, why did he get to mention the right? Because every time I've called AAA here, it's been a black dude. Guy, you know, had all the fucking, puts the, I said, I want that. Where do I get one of those?

And he's got the old-fashioned tire iron. But my lugs have caps over them for aesthetic reasons, but he put it right over the caps, and it still, I don't fucking know, anyways, he did that in about eight minutes, so I threw him a 20, his eyes got like this, the poor prick, he must make a love, it's triple A, gotta be doing all right, right, but he was so fucking happy, I gave him a 20 spot, yeah, so that was that, and on top of it all, folks, you know, when I backed into the cop car, I crunched what was already a crunched quarter panel in the back because when I backed into Zook's car.

And so that's been fixed this week. So I'm driving around in my wife's fucking Mercedes. I look like a twat. Again, I hear Tony Soprano, I look like a bitch in that. He was looking at one. His girlfriend goes, you didn't buy the, yeah. He goes, I look like a, no, he said, I look like a twat. Again, I hear Tony Soprano. I look like a bitch in that. He was looking at one. His girlfriend goes, you didn't buy the year? He goes, I look like a, no, he said, I look like a douchebag. Anyways, that's life.

All right, let's get to the fucking stories. What? That was an eight-minute story. Jesus, look at me. Still all cucked up. I was doing shots of fireball. what am I in 5th grade? hey, can I get a snow cone? a fireball?

no, vodka vodka, grape, snow cone anyways real quick, playoffs, you guys people like me to talk sports this is bugging the shit out of me I'm shaving my goddamn head tomorrow I know you can, you military prick.

Dallas can't wait. Prescott just sealed his fate. The guy can't... First of all, overrated. Good quarterback, but overrated. That's all I'm saying. Decent quarterback. Nothing special, though, and he showed it again. How about Purdy, Brock Purdy?

You guys know this guy was drafted literally last? Do I have that right? I think he was the last pick on the draft. Anybody who's last picked, they call Mr. Irrelevant. So I think that's what they called people. I think he was the last pick. Not last quarterback pick. I think he was the last.

I might be wrong about that. But how about him? Grappolo. Nice knowing you. Grappolo. Is that his name? Where did I get Grappolo? I think I smashed my head on the roof of the car. What the fuck? And then you had, what, a buffalo? Oh my god. Let me tell you about Joe Burrow. First of all, Chris Collinsworth, could you suck more Pat Mahomes dick? Oh my god.

Fucking embarrassing. Guys like him and the announcers want him to be the next Tom Brady so bad because he's by right. They just can't wait till Aaron Rodgers and Brady are gone so they can crown this guy. Got news for you. Ain't never going to happen. Joe Burrow is the closest thing right now. That guy's got ice water in his veins. I'm not saying he's better than Mahomes. I mean, I'm just saying, you never hear about Joe Burrow. And they've won, what, eight, nine in a row now? Just like they did last year, peaking at the right time? Anyways, enough of that shit.

I know you lesbians don't like that talk. Nick's weekend. Emoji of a duty. Leftist scum. Let's start with something light. Uh, demag... Demag. Demag.

I sound like French trying to say Democrat. Democrat. Democrats have been noticeably silent on the anti-police violence that unraveled in Atlanta over the weekend after rioters set police vehicles ablaze and smashed windows in response to the police-involved shooting of an armed activist days earlier. Of course you guys didn't hear about that because of the fucking media. They're not going to report it, although ABC touched on it. I didn't see this. I read the article that I, Gutfeld sent, you know, sent some shit. I read the article, so I didn't look at the clip. I don't know if it was a guy or a woman, what their race. I'll just guess black guy. I

apologize if I'm wrong. But literally the guy on ABC goes, well, if you're going to call breaking windows and stuff violence, it's not against other humans. What a slippery... What? He's not calling that... And they use the word... Oh, by the way, they use the word peaceful protest again. And the guy goes, the only violence they really show, we're cops

tackling protesters. This is a guy on ABC. Folks, don't fucking believe a word of anything you hear out of any of those networks. It's creepy now. It's right out there. It's state-run TV. Lighting a cop car. No, that's not. Again, nobody was hurt, so

are you fucking kidding me? Protesters had gathered Saturday in response to the death of a 26-year-old punk-ass bitch, Manuel Esteban Páez Terán. Anytime you get 19 names and you're not from my country, get out. There he is, seen here, dressed like, looks like, looks like little Stevie Van Zandt with AIDS,

who was killed by officers on Wednesday after he allegedly refused to refuse demands from authorities and shot a state trooper at the site of the new Atlanta Public Safety Training Center. By the way, they were all upset. They were protesting at where they're going to build a new training center. You know, a training center where cops that these assholes keep saying need to be retrained.

Right? Right. The protests on Saturday began peacefully before spiraling into chaotic riots. Who else can you blame? You want us to believe the cops fucking started? And at least six arrests. Photos show that the activists allegedly lit an Atlanta police vehicle on fire in addition to targeting the Atlanta Police Foundation building with rocks and fireworks. Okay, so all you need to know, folks, these guys, these Antifa guys,

a lot of them are just anarchists. They don't give a, it's not even political. They just want to burn down this system. And a lot of the lefties, though, but that agree with them on ABC making statements like that, go fuck yourself. Fox News Digital reached out to multiple Democrats, many of whom did not respond. However, inquiries sent to the White House, Georgia Senator Raphael Warnock, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries, Nancy Pelosi, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ilhan Omar, Tlaib, Ayanna Pressley, Cori Bush, Jamal Bowman, you know, all the, I hate Whitey, I hate this system, this country is riddled with

racism, all those people, guess what? All the calls out to them went unanswered. Georgia Democrats and Georgia State Rep Park Cannon also did not return requests for comment. However, Senator John Ossoff, a Democrat Georgia, released a statement Saturday evening saying, peaceful protest is a sacred constitutional right, but violence, and learn the definition, you dummies, is, ooh, sorry for the strong language, dummies, is unacceptable, cannot be

permitted or tolerated, and must cease immediately, immediately. These are all mixed up. Atlanta, who would have guessed? Atlanta police have arrested six people so far, some of whom were carrying explosives. Again, it's a peaceful, you always show up at a peaceful protest with explosives. Atlanta Mayor Andre Dickens, a Democrat, said it's the worst of times, motherfuckers. Come on. That was a good one. Not good.

Good one. Tweeted Saturday evening. These individuals meant violence to use to cover peaceful protests to conceal their motives. Our law enforcement teams were prepared and resolved the situation. Look at these Froot Loops. There you go. Why is a young Ringo Starr on the far right? I don't know what that thing in the middle is.

It's a combination of Sam Bankman Freed and his girlfriend. Good one. And to his left is my wife when she was in high school. I would have fucked her then too. I don't give a shit.

Below is Johnny Rotten. The guy in the middle, in the bottom row, I don't know. You can start a grease fire with that head. That's all there. They are the losers of life. Then you get this pretty girl or angry Indian. Kind of looks hot. But then again, how can I say that? I said to Dallas, is that a guy or a girl? It kind of looks hot. I guess again, how can I say that?

I said to Dallas, is that a guy or a girl? Kind of looks hot. I guess I know where I'm going. She could be pretty, but again, she, again, losers in life, angry at their maker who they don't believe in. Just, I hope you, they're fucking, you know. Do you want to go to war? Come on. Do you want to go to war?

I think they do. Okay? Tony. Georgia Governor Brian Kemp, a Republican, said this. Ching-tang-a-ngow. He likes the Chinese. While the state continues to respect peaceful protests, acts of violence against...

Leave that in. Don't write that down, personal property will not be tolerated. Those committing such unlawful acts will be arrested and prosecuted fully, Kemp said. Activists have been camped out for months. Oh, by the way, some of the people that were arrested, am I confusing my stories? I don't know. I'll get to that in a minute. Camped out for eight months on an 85-acre planned facility known as Cop City to protest the planned training center. Again, they're the ones crying for cops to be trained and retrained.

Tehran was shot and killed after authorities tried to remove the protesters from a plot of land on Wednesday. What the fuck? All right, get out! I can't. A total of seven people arrested, charged with domestic terrorism when the campsites were seized. Okay. What was the story I read where...

Oh! I don't even have this. I'll just tell you real quick. A Fox News Channel weatherman, Adam Klotz, who lives in New York, was taking a subway home and saw a pack of wild, feral, you know what, animals, harassing an older guy. So he said guys knock it off. So they came after him and beat him fucking silly, right?

They were all teenagers from 15 to 17. Three of them get caught, right? They were all teenagers from 15 to 17. Three of them get caught, right? They catch three of them, arrest them, and they release back. I don't even know if they arrest them. They were 2'15", 117 years old, and they called their parents to come get them, and that was that. And that was that. So let that sink in, New York.

I'm at the point I don't feel bad for anybody who lives there anymore. I know you can't up and move everybody. I'm just saying. Why would you? They're letting this shit go on, and you can't fucking be seen with a gun in New York. Good luck surviving that. Let's move on. Dancing with the devil.

Nancy Pelosi, that filthy yeast infection on wheels, summoned a priest to perform an exorcism at her home following the alleged hammer attack, I say a date gone bad, on her husband, Big Fag Paul Pelosi. That was his nickname in the mafia. Big Fag. Well, that's, well, you know what, that's funny because there's a character in Sopranos, Big Pussy. That's his name. They never even explain it. On her husband, according to the daughter of the former house speaker. So she's not nuts or anything, is she?

She had an exorcism at her house. And this is a woman who's always really pious about her religion and all the, do I? Your mother sucks cocks and hell. You're my super-head. Your mother sucks cocks and hell. You're my super-head. Your mother sucks cocks and hell. You're my super-head.

Alexandra Pelosi, the daughter of Nancy Pelosi, the evil spawn, seen here looking like a young Howard Stern. Just grow a dick and get it over with, Alexander. Recently revealed a devilish detail about how her family reacted to the reported hammer attack on Paul Pelosi in October. Why don't they say her father? Why do they say Paul Pelosi? This diabolical revelation was made during a New York Times interview that was published on Saturday. New York Times opinion columnist, dumb, dumb bitch, still writing, Maureen Dowd, has been wrong about everything her whole life, went to lunch with Nancy Pelosi.

Oh, isn't that terrific? Huh? Let me ask you a question. A lot of politicians go to lunch with Bret Baier? There she is. That's her on Mother's Day, giving birth to a fucking devil poop. Pelosi had a swanky four seasons. See, this is the woman who's been leading the Democrats for the last 25 years,

one of the most significant figures, whether you like her or hate her. She's for the people like you and I, the working people. So she's at the Four Seasons having lunch with a reporter from the New York Times. Dowd went out of her way to highlight Pelosi. She was dressed in a hot pink pantsuit with matching four-inch Jimmy Choo stilettos. I tried wearing those out a couple weekends ago.

I twist my ankle after two drinks. Jesus, it swelled up like my... I told you to stay off the cobblestone. Why do you wispy your lines? You can say them. Lies? No, it's the truth. I told you to stay off the cobblestone when wearing heels. I know.

Dallas leans in like a fucking serial killer. I'll see you again soon. Matching four-inch Jimmy Choo stilettos. As she ate it, those hurt. I have a woman throwing at you. Listen, listen, she's got a hot pink pants, pink, ting-a-mole pantsuit on, right? It's probably whatever.

You know it's not fucking off the rack, right? Jimmy Choo Choo. They're fucking, you know, those are filthy. And this is what she's eating. A truffle butter roll and chocolate-covered macadamia nuts. Fucking bitch. Yeah, she's for the people, though. She is the worst.

I never have I wanted somebody to catch on fire more than her. Discussing the alleged attack on her husband, Paul. Are you still peddling that shit? He's getting his taint licked, you dink. Pelosi said it was unimaginable having her home turned into a crime scene. You've been living in it. It has been a crime scene. Why don't you go have your ninth fucking pint of Haagen-Dazs, you whore?

Nick, that's not professional. I know. It's the internet. Alexandra Pelosi revealed how the reported attack deeply affected her mama. I think that weighed really heavy on her. So listen to this patch-up job. We all know the truth. A lot of people break into houses, but the fucking glasses on the outside.

Suck a bag of weed. Heavy on her soul. I think she felt real guilty, Alexandra told Dowd. I think that really broke her. Oh, for you. Really broke her. Pelosi's daughter,

how about fucking decade after decade of being wrong about everything Pelosi's daughter said over Thanksgiving she had priests coming trying to have an exorcism what the fuck

of the house and having a prayer service Pelosi was especially upset of the house and having a prayer service. Pelosi was especially upset. There were various, here you go, conspiracy theories swirling about the bizarre events of October 28th when Berkeley nudist David DePop reportedly broke into Pelosi's San Francisco home to perform fellatio on Paul

and was hit with a nice claw hammer like he deserved. This is going to win a Peabody Award. The fact that they were after me and they hit him, she's just rehashing the lie they told the first time. Pelosi told Dow, this has been tough. Pelosi told Dow, this has been tough. She says, I know I'm a douchebag. Pelosi said it will be about three or four more months before her husband's really back home where I can boss him around like the bitch he is. What a...

She's not nuts. Huh? She is nuts. Anyways, guys and girls, everything in between, I'll be back on the road early next month. Here's where you can see me. TJ Maxx buying a nice February 3rd and 4th at Grove Comedy Club, Lowell, Arkansas. March 11th and 12th, the Comedy Club of Kansas City.

That's in Kansas City, Missouri, because you know there's one in Kansas too, don't you, folks? Sure you do. April 21 and 22, the Funny Bone in St. Louis and St. Charles. May 12th, the Hilton in St. Louis and St. Charles. May 12, the Hilton Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort. Daytona Beach. Well, if it's in Daytona and Daytona's on a beach, I'm guessing it's an oceanfront. You can get tickets to all

these shows at youngcoloredkid slash funny. No. At nickdip.com and click on the tour button, motherfuckers. Finally tonight, smartass, a toddler has become one of the youngest people ever to become a member of Mensa after he taught himself to read at the age of two. Now four years old, Teddy Hobbs began reading during the coronavirus lockdown.

So somebody got something out of it. Please tell me those are fake glasses. Please. What do you want him to get beat up before he gets out of the house? Staggeringly, when he was only 26 months, okay, that's in my math, that's two years, two months, he was able to read a book fluently to his parents, unlike most Democrats. Beth and Will, those are the parents. After that, the youngster progressed to learning how to count up to 100 in Mandarin,

because apparently he's got a summer home by himself. What the fuck? What are you going to do with it? Why Mandarin? Somerset Live reports. Oh, my God. There he is. I'm smart.

I'm like everybody says. Like, don't. I'm smart. I'm like everybody says. Like, don't. I'm smart, and I want the sticks. You're in Mensa. You got it. His 31-year-old mom, Beth, said he has always been interested in books, so we made sure he had plenty around. But during the lockdown, he started to take a real interest,

and by the age of 26 months, he had taught himself to read. He then moved on to numbers and was learning times tables. We got him a tablet. He'll be bored stiff with that. He'll build his own. We got him a tablet the following Christmas for him to play games on, but instead it was nothing but porn. No.

But instead he taught himself to count up to 100 in Mandarin. Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. The child prodigy can already count to 106. Oh, my God. In six non-native languages, including Mandarin, Welsh, Heineken, French, Spanish, and German. Teddy was our first child, and we all know he's going to hang himself by 8th grade, so let's enjoy him.

I'm telling you, folks, it's blessed to be that, but, you know, they can... Anyways, he was conceived... They use in vitro to conceive, so they don't know who the dad is. You might want to look up that shit. Or mom. No, we know who the mom is. What am I saying?

How does it work? You squirt it into her? I don't know. It's like you're basting a turkey. Having nothing to compare him with. Continued to search for support of their son, the couple approached Mensa for guidance. Experts then revealed Teddy sat in the 99.5

percentile for his IQ. In other words, he's got a higher IQ for kids his age than 99.5 percent of. It was the same with me, so don't get too excited. Look at me. Look at me. I'm almost done. Further assessments also revealed that at the age of three years and eight months, Teddy had the letter and word recognition of a child of eight years. He's reading at an eight-year-old level, just like the Pelosi kid.

Teddy, who starts school in September, received a certificate confirming his membership of Mensa, making him one of the youngest in the country to join the, what do you mean of the youngest? How many fucking, oh my God. Real quick, I knew a kid like, I'm not kidding you. My cousin, Johnny Woods, had a cousin named Larry Woods. And I told Dallas's, Larry Woods, they found out he was a genius on Memorial Day. I don't know if I should be using his name.

I don't think that guy with an IQ of 9-11 watches. On Memorial Day, his parents were at the putting flowers on their headstones. He started reading at age three. It was three years old. He started reading the headstones out loud, and they freaked the fuck out, which is creepy. And then I met him. He had his own alphabet of 10,000 letters. I mean, he showed us 50 pages of different...

And then he went to work for NASA. And it's dangerous to be that smart because you're on the borderline of... Anyways, this is what I do. I tell dick jokes at midnight great to be here that's it boys and girls we thank you on a filthy Monday don't forget cameo calm if you want me to roast a friend the relative go to cameo dot-com you guys think it I'll say it you're very welcome see you back here tomorrow unless you're

a patreon remember you get another story coming. Talk to you later, kids. Hi. Good night, everybody. guitar solo Outro Music