The Nick DiPaolo Show - Batman and ROBYN | Nick Di Paolo Show #586

Episode Date: August 11, 2021

Andrew the Ass Grabber. Falling for Fentanyl. NFL Wants No More Taunts.

Hi, boys and girls. Nick DiPaolo here. Free speech lives right here on The Nick DiPaolo Show. I'm grateful to be able to do this show my way, and I'm only able to do it my way because of your generous contributions. Please go to nickdip.com or click the link on thecomicsgym.com and contribute today to keep this show and our speech free. Thank you so much. Oh yeah, yeah yeah Welcome to the show ladies and gentlemen

Good morning my neighbors! Hey, fuck you! How you doing folks? Wednesday That means tomorrow's Thursday, that means the last day of the week I will see you guys hopefully Friday night, Coho's Music Hall up by Albany, New York then I gotta go to a wedding in New Jersey on Saturday see that's how life is, I was excited hey they had one show, I can bang this out

but then my wife told me about a wedding that she told me about a year ago and it just, it's like she told me I had fucking liver cancer or some shit just a sinking feeling I just I don't know, I used to like weddings. I guess when my sisters would get married and relatives and you know who they are. I've met this girl,

you know, she's half my age. I've probably met her four times in my life, but she's my wife's best friend's daughter, which means I will know nobody on the groom side, and really nobody on this side. What do I do? Am I going to dance to shit music? But I do like, her name's Elizabeth. I have a picture of me holding her as a frigging baby. She's getting married. Mother of God.

All I pray for is at the wedding, the band does celebrate good times because that's some white hip music right there. Oh God, what am I going to fucking do? Talk to my wife for four hours? Haven't done that in a year. Just kidding. Everything's hunky-dory. God, fuck. Anyways, stand-up's become a pain in my ass, actually. Why? Because I don't do it every night, and that's how you... It's the only way to do it. It's a muscle that atrophies if you don't use it. That's how comedy is. That doesn't mean to say I'm not going to be funny because I can be funny off the top of my head. I prove it every day here. But anyways, that's about me. Let's get right to it. What are the fucking racist, the liberals in the America hate us up to now? This country is

fees up, as they say. Before we get to that, let's get to Andrew the Ass-Grabber Cuomo. As you know, he finally resigned and doesn't take effect for two weeks, I guess. But I read today that his brother Chris is the one who finally talked him into it. What did he do, beat him with that giant Q-tip prop? In the roughly half-hour speech yesterday, Cuomo started off by defending himself like I would in any guy. What are you supposed to do, come out and go, yeah, I grabbed her tit, big deal, hashtag this. He was defending himself, said his instinct is to fight through this controversy because I truly believe it is politically motivated. I don't totally disagree because, you know, the Democrats, they don't give a fuck about these

girls. There's something else going on here. And one theory, a friend of mine who has a show said it might be, you know, other governors did the same, made the same mistake as him. So he might be just a lightning rod, you know, so he can distract from the rest of the mess. I don't know. That's just one theory. Anyways, might be politically motivated. I think it is. I think there's something back there.

They wanted him out really bad for some reason. Maybe to make Letitia James look good, the first African-American woman to cut the balls off a powerful white guy. It's a great story. It's a black woman versus a greasy guinea. He continued to try to cast himself as being a victim of changing attitudes and behaviors, and kind of true. About the thousand other fucking pigs

you had your dick in over the years, the strippers, the cocktail waitresses we have best friends with all of them too uh... i love it by is that the and cheap let's take a look at qualmo

kind of apologizing this is not to say that there are not eleven women who are truly offended. And for that, I deeply, deeply apologize. I thought a hug and putting my arm around a staff person while taking a picture was friendly. But she found it to be too forward. I kissed a woman on the cheek in a wedding and I

thought I was being nice. But she felt that it was too aggressive. It's on the broads. I have slipped and called people honey, sweetheart and darling. Pause. This is a big fuck you. You realize that, right? Because if

you're listening to that, you're going, that's all he did was call somebody honey and sweetheart, which I'm sorry, feminists and ladies, everybody included with tits, and sweetheart and honey will always be a term of endearment. You're not going to take the, legislate the DNA out of us.

How are you supposed to come on to your secretary? What are you supposed to say? How would you like to be banged the shit out of you tonight? How does that sit with you? I am not. I'm taking a picture with you. Good. I meant it to be endearing.

But women found it dated and offensive. Like your haircut. it dated and offensive like your haircut i said on national tv to a doctor wearing ppe and giving me a covid nozles nasal swab you make that gown look good i was joking obviously where's the joke where's the setup in the punchline you weren't you you weren't joking that was you paying her a compliment, which is considered sexist today. But you can't say that was a joke. How was that supposed to be funny? Hey, you know, that gown's making me harder than a shark's tooth. You really look good in that. Yummy, yummy. Go ahead. Otherwise, I wouldn't have said it on national TV. But she found it disrespectful.

It's how they found it. I take full responsibility for my actions. I have been too familiar with people. Pause. That's like going, Colin Quinn had a great bit about it. You know, you've got the front asshole front. You know what my problem is? I'm too honest Quentin had a great bit about, you know, you got the friend, asshole friend. You know what my problem is? I'm too honest.

Oh, okay. So your worst problem is the best flaw in the rest of us, as Colin said. That's sort of what that is. Go ahead. Humor can be insensitive and off-putting. I do hug and kiss people casually. Women and men. have done it all my life kicked out of summer camp i've been since i can remember were you andy dick you're a crumb creep um all right so uh that's

what uh uh former governor cuomo had to say. He said, in my mind, I never crossed the line with anyone, but I didn't realize the extent to which the line has been redrawn. Also a lie, because you know what? He helped implement the new guidelines in the state of New York as far as workplace, you know, HR rules, as far as sexism and stuff. So he was very familiar with them. He apologized to the women for his conduct. But one of his accusers, Brittany Camuso, told CBS this morning and the Albany Times Union that she decided to come forward in March after he denied the allegations and said he did nothing wrong.

She said she felt he knew he had done something wrong. He almost has this smirk that he thinks that he's untouchable, Camiso said. I almost feel like he has this sense of almost celebrity status, and it just, that was the tipping point. I broke down. I said, he's lying. He's lying. And when they told, we actually have, there's some footage. We caught Cuomo. Anyways, this was his final words to his, the women that he offended yesterday. Yeah, good old Mother Goose.

Remember her? I fucked her. that he offended yesterday. Yeah, good old Mother Goose. Remember her? I fucked her. Naughty, naughty Andrew. Hey, that's an Andrew too. May not work out nice. Governor Cuomo. I'm telling you.

Again, the only thing, as far as what I read, I'm sure he did other stuff, the only really, to me, blatant violation as far as office etiquette, reaching down the woman's blouse and cupping her tit and grabbing her ass during a picture, although I've actually had, when I take pictures, and I'm lucky enough, I'm not going to file suit. Use two hands. Every once in a while, it's usually a lady my age will slap me on the ass or whatever. when I take pictures out there. And I'm lucky enough. I'm not going to file suit. Use two hands. Every once in a while,

it's usually a lady my age will slap me on the ass or whatever. And then I'll smell like Chanel No. 5 for the rest of the night. But the rest of it, the sweetheart, the cupping of the fae. Let me just tell you something, ladies. Men are horny, horny, horny, right to the grave.

I've told the story a couple times. My dad, final days of Alzheimer's. Everything's gone, right? He's watching TV. He doesn't know what he's looking at, whatever. This is like a year before he died in the nursing home. And my mother would be sitting next to him, and a young nurse would come in. And when she'd leave, my father would look at my mother and go, nice, huh?

leave, my father would look at my mother and go, nice, huh? The brain is completely gone, but that little sliver that men have is, you can't kill it. You can't kill, nice, huh? My mother would look at me, motherfucker. My mother would stand on his IV. Code blue. Oh, God. Code blue! Oh, God. Anyways, enough of Cuomo. But again, I just can't help it. Can you imagine last year, a year and a half, he was a hero. He would, they thought he was going to be the next president. Now they're running footage, all the networks, not the liberal ones, but Fox and a few others,

running footage of CBS, ABC anchors, NBC, Trevor Noah on comedies, all calling themselves Cuomosexuals because they loved him. They never write about anything. You people don't know people. You suck. Fuck. Speaking of more liberal stupidity, the headline Oregon, as in G-O-N-E, Oregon Governor Kate Brown, what a piece of ass this broad is, huh?

Look at that. The face I could kick in with my Timberlands. Oregon Governor Kate Brown, again, never got laid in her life, though she's taken it out with her power, privately signed a bill last month ending the requirement for high school students to prove proficiency in reading writing and arithmetic before graduation what unbelievable do you believe that i guess we're not far enough behind the uh chinese yet brown a democrat thanks for clearing that up who else would come up with an idea like Do you believe that? I guess we're not far enough behind the Chinese yet. Brown, a Democrat, thanks for clearing that up.

Who else would come up with an idea like this? Did not hold a public signing or issue a press release regarding the passing of Senate Bill 744 on July 14th and the measure, which was approved by lawmakers in June, was not added into the state's legislative database until more than two weeks later on July 29th. An unusually quiet approach to enacting legislation according to the Oregonian. You know why? Because they're ashamed of it. I'm surprised they didn't wait till two in the morning on Christmas Eve to fucking put this piece of shit out. What sneaky, ball-less people you are. What a great idea. Let's dumb them down even further.

SB744 gives us an opportunity, listen to this, to review our graduation requirements and make sure our assessments can truly assess all students' learning. What does that mean? It doesn't do that now? Charles Boyle, a spokesman for the governor said in an email to the Washington examiner, got a picture of him? No, they didn't have him out there. Oh, I thought that was a black dude. All right. Anyways, that's how, that's how he took

it. Don't give me that smart-alecky shit. In the meantime, it gives Oregon students and the education community, there's that word, a chance to regroup after a year and a half of disruption caused by the pandemic. Was it caused by the pandemic or was it caused by rioting where your fucking Marxist mayor told the cops to stand down as people burned and looted your city. Which one was it? A little of both? The bill which suspends the proficiency requirement, literally suspending proficiency. Just let that set in. Oh my God. Time for a civil war. Anyways, requirements for students for three years has attracted controversy for at least temporarily suspending academic standards amid the COVID-19 pandemic.

Backers argue the existing proficiency levels for math and reading presented in, listen to this, here it comes. And I should have done drum roll. An unfair challenge for students who do not test well. What is that? Well well. What is that? Well, whose fault is that? And Boyle said the new standards for graduation would aid Oregon's black, Latino, Latinx, indigenous, Asian Pacific Island, tribal, and students of color. Let me translate that.

It would aid all the dumb minorities who can't keep up with Whitey. Thus, they are the most racist people. It's the progressives. By passing this, they're saying, you know what? These fucking morons can't keep up. So let's get rid of the standards for everybody. It's either that or they see this as the quickest pathway to destroy a society as we know it. A little of both, I'm guessing.

But they call us racists. The requirement for students to demonstrate proficiency in essential subjects on freshman to sophomore skills level in order to graduate was terminated. The start of the pandemic as part of Brown's stay home, save lives order in March 2020. Wrong about that too, Hua. Democrats largely backed the executive order and argued in favor of SB 744's proposed expansion, saying the existing educational proficiency standard, they were flawed, those standards. You need to shut the fuck up. The testing that we've been doing in the past doesn't tell us what we want to know, Democrat, Senate.

Lou Frederick, right here, right in front of my eye, Mr. Lou Frederick, told a local ABC affiliate in June, we have been relying on tests that have been, frankly, very, very flawed and relying too much on them so that we aren't really helping the students or the teachers or the community. And anytime you hear that, you know, he's a dope. What he's saying is, and they don't even have the balls to say this, that, you know, all the testing and stuff is, is, uh, culturally unfair. You know what I mean? It all has that, for some reason, that American slant to it. Oh, God. You know, years ago, I'm talking, when I was 22, people would say, they were kind of concerned, the Libs aren't going to be happy until they turn this place

into a third world shithole. And my God, they're more than halfway there. I give them an A for that, for being idiots. Yeah, let's lower the standards. You know, math is racist. You're racist. You're saying that black and brown kids and Indians and everybody else can't keep up with Whitey. Maybe it's true. Oh, boy.

We, we, we. I couldn't keep up with Whitey. So it's not right. Luckily, the Asian kid next to me could. I'll let you show you this about that. There's a lot of dumb minorities out there.

The blacks and the browns. God love them, but they're not going to do calculus and things like that. How are they going to build a fucking bridge? A bridge to nowhere. Let's move on before I shit blood. All right.

In our Are You Dog Style-a-Me segment tonight, this rock is racist. And surprise, it's not Chris. We're not Chris Rock we're talking. The University of Wisconsin removed a large boulder. I'm ready to cut my wrist. We reported on this a month or two ago, but now it's been confirmed. University of Wisconsin removed a large boulder from its Madison campus on Friday at the request of minority students who view the rock as a symbol of racism. Yeah,

apparently when they walk by the rock, the thing would go, hey, hey, smoke, hey, snow pipe, hey, purple. Are you fucking kidding me? You know, they see that as racism. I'll get into why the rock. How about when white people walk by, I don't know, anywhere in any city and there's graffiti from gang members and shit like that. It's kind of racist, no? Yeah, but we leave that there. That's street art. Suck it. So black students saw the rock as a symbol of racism. Let's listen to some jack off that probably works for the school and has a gun pointed at his head and has to say this. Removing the rock as a monument and a prominent location prevents further harm to our community

while preserving the rocks educational research value for our current and future students. It's a deal the University of Wisconsin hopes everyone can live with. For UW student and activist Aomiomi obuse it's at least progress the rock is officially named after former university president thomas crowder chamberlain but at the time of its discovery it received a racial slur that was used to describe any dark and large boulder at the time. Some students... Pause! So somebody started calling a rock the N-word, I guess, 78, 80 years ago. And that still affects people today.

These blacks. Who knows where they're going to take the wrong way. Here a guy is seen burying a white student who was hit with a rock. Go ahead. ...removal for more than a year now. Today's heavy lift feels like a weight off their shoulders. Well, because it's showing that, you know, our hard work isn't going to waste, that if we keep pushing forward, change can come. Is there more work to be done?

And we're seeing that, like, with events like today. The university says it costs $50,000, money coming from the chancellor's office and not tax dollars, all of which Obuse is grateful for. But her black student union also saying in a statement today, there's much more work to be done. Ah, that's it. End it. I can't take it. That's enough. Wake up, white people. Anytime you hear a story about race from the left's point of view or gender, you got to end it all, always got

to bookend it with the phrase, but there's more work to be done. What they mean is, we won't be happy until Whitey is tilling the fields and we're whipping them. That's what that means, end of fucking story. We won't be happy till we have all transgender men playing in the NFL. There's more work to be done. We're done working, okay, you fucks? University Chancellor Rebecca Blank, she's so filthy she doesn't have a last name,

approved removing Chamberlain Rock in January, but the Wisconsin Historical Society needed to sign off because the boulder was located within 15 feet of a Native American burial. This is like a parody on SNL. Oh, my God. And there she is. Of course, she's been a man since she was 17. The rock will be placed on university-owned land southeast of Madison near Lake Cagonza.

The university plans to erect a plaque in Chamberlain Hall to honor the former university president. School spokeswoman Meredith McClone said, well, thank God for that. The boulder is rare. A large example of a pre-Chamberlain era glacially erratic. What? That experts say is likely over two billion years old. What, the rock is or the teacher? It was carried by glaciers from as far north as Canada and dumped on Observatory Hill, along with billions of tons of other debris when ice receded from the state about 12,000 years ago. In other words, this is billions of years old, this rock, and it's offending people in 2012.

It was previously estimated to have weighed up to 70 tons, but an updated measurement shows it weighs 42 tons and will continue to be used for educational purposes at the news site. It's such absolute bullshit, is it not, Quint? Proves that you wealthy college boys don't have the education enough to admit when you're wrong. Mm-hmm. You know what I'd say if I was the dean, if any deans of colleges had balls? I'd say to the black student union, whoever's complaining,

we'll take it off campus. You guys have to figure out how to get it off with no equipment. Now, hit it. Yeah, but that's unfit. No. Have you seen the pyramids? Oh, you don't. That's right.

That's racist history. I'm sorry. I can't take it no more. The dumb students. Go in your room, smoke a joint, and just relax, okay? You got feminine studies coming up at 1230. Well, well, well. This is an interesting story.

I've been sitting on it for a few days. Falling for fentanyl. As you know, the Chinese continue to help fentanyl pour into the country. There's tons of fentanyl literally over and they try to kill us. If anybody disagrees, suck my ass. Heart-stopping footage shows a rookie deputy in California examining fentanyl during a drug bust, then keeling over it, almost dying from an overdose just from being too close to it. Can you fucking imagine getting that? I didn't know it was that bad. I love the smell of grape palm in the morning. Yeah, I bet you do. San Diego Sheriff Deputy David Fiveye was shown examining the white powder in a car last month with his training officer,

Corporal Scott Crane, telling him, that stuff's no joke. It's super dangerous. Why don't you get him away from me? Put out by police as a warning. This is frigging, I don't know. As Crane tells him, he's too close. Five Eyes suddenly stiffens up and collapses on the ground.

The body cam footage released Thursday shows. Take a look at this. Check it out. He was already quickly exposed to it. I was like, hey, dude, too close. You can't get that close to it. A couple seconds later, he took some steps back and he collapsed. Five Eyes field training officer Corporal Scott Crane spoke in the video released by the department

detailing his instant reaction. He realized Five Eye was overdosing and quickly gave him naloxone, also known as Narcan, which reverses the effects of an overdose. My lungs just locked up. I couldn't breathe. I came down to him, grabbed him, and I did one nasal spray in one nostril, opened the other one, another nasal spray. Crane stayed by his side as medics arrived. Five-eye OD'd again while in the ambulance on the way to the hospital,

but thankfully he survived. Wow. Stay away from that shit. Yes, sir. I talked to my buddy. I showed my buddy, who, again, the retired cop, he goes, fuck ya. He goes, a lot of cops have died from that. So how long

before people just leave that on your doorstep as chemical warfare or whatnot? I had no idea. Had you ever heard of that? Then I'm like, how can they, how much do you have to cut that or step on it, we say in the drug world, to make it, you know,

to put it in another drug where it doesn't kill you, which it does, obviously. We have like, what, 70, 80,000 ODs a year. I wonder how many of those are actual ODs. I bet you 95% are accidental. I mean, mother of God, you get near a package of it and you could OD? I know you could do that like in an old lady's perfume at church.

Anyways, Crane, the guy was training him. He was ODing. Crane recalled later with the footage showing Traney lying rigid on the ground from the accidental exposure. I got you okay. I'm not going to let you die, Crane tells him, putting the Narcan in both offices in the hospital to try to reverse the effects of the synthetic opioid that can be 100 times more potent than morphine.

And by the way, have you ever had morphine in the hospital? Let me tell you, if I was going to become a drug addict, if something feels better than that, fucking hook me up. I had reconstructive surgery on my shoulder after high school, and my operation was on Christmas Eve. And this is true. I came to the next day, whatever, or later after the operation. And this is the effect morphine had on me.

It was Christmas time. They had decorations in the room. They had a styrofoam candy cane, and I grabbed it. It was off. And I hit the nurse in the head. I broke it off her wrist. I mean, she just laughed. But that's a true story.

That's the effect. But it felt so good. Not her getting hit in the head. But it felt so good. Not her. Get hit in her. I mean that. Anyways, I'm not going to let you die, he said, like he was in a movie. And he said, breathe, buddy, breathe. Yes, sir.

Anyways, Crane said, I just want to let him know he wasn't alone. Well, he was alone. You let him walk up to the stuff. The department did not detail exactly how the officers thought to have been exposed. Fentanyl can be released into the air as fine particles, which can be deadly if inhaled, according to the CDC. So that's probably wrong. Favai got emotional as he recalled how it all happened in an instant. I remember just not feeling right.

And then I fall back. He said, it was though my lungs locked up. I remember just not feeling right. And then I fall back. He said, it was though my lungs locked up. I couldn't breathe. I was trying to gasp for breath, but I couldn't. That's scary, man. I didn't know. I didn't know. I'd never heard that.

That being that dangerous makes COVID look like a booger, don't it? Speaking of that, I get on a plane tomorrow at 4. Go through that mask shit again. That doesn't work. The fucking masks don't work. Don't take my word for it. There's about 20 doctors who

will tell you it's all friggin theater. Oh my god. I might be in one of those viral things where the flight attendant goes, you have to put your mask on. And I go, shut it before I rip it. And then I put

it over her face and I pat her on the butt. Anyways, let's get to it sports news as you know the NFL is right around the corner which I can't believe you know I'm in that pool every year and I remember when it ended

I said to my wife I said well you'll get a blanket and it'll be here again it's unbelievable I get hooked on baseball and all of a sudden I see a commercial for a pre-NFL pregame and again I know a lot of a pre-NFL pregame. And again, I know a lot of you are the Black National Anthem, and I know. What I'll do is kneel during it.

That's how I'm. You're not going to make me miss the only thing in life I enjoy, that pizza. NFL, they've got some new rules. They want no more taunting. Yeah, good luck with that. The NFL is preparing to unleash a crackdown against taunting. Is that really the biggest thing? You got to grow up.

You're not a kid anymore. In the league's annual rule change and points of emphasis video, the NFL noted that game officials have been told to strictly enforce the taunting rule. Oh boy, here comes a thousand whistles, especially if you watch a preseason, which I don't even do that. But they're going to, you know, this taunting on almost every play, there's going to be a flag and an argument every three seconds. Mr. Official, let me ask you something. How can six of you miss a play like that? All six of you. The ball jumped out of there as soon as we made contact. I thought you were talking about you being on the field.

No. What? That was the great Hank Strand being outsmarted by an official. Here we go. Should a player commit two taunting penalties? God, they do that when they exercise. You know what's so funny? I'm not saying they're all rapists and shit,

but we get a lot of guys with long records, criminal records in the NFL, and they're going to get fined for going, hey, fuck you, I scored a touchdown. Should a player commit two taunting penalties during the same game? He will be taken out and shot at sunrise. No, he will be automatically be ejected from the game. I didn't do nothing. Now,

in addition to the disqualification, the player may receive fines and or be suspended depending on the severity of the player's taunts. In total, there were 11 taunting flags thrown during the 2020 season gee really not an epidemic uh most notably in the super bowl buccaneers defensive uh back antoine winfield jr was flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for flashing a peace symbol how ironic and tyreek hill after breaking up a pass winfieldfield was subsequently fined $7,800. In 2016, the last time the NFL placed a... Do I have a video coming up? You have one. I want to buy it?

Yep. Let's take a look at the video of taunting. Watch the guy. Makes a nice hit on the sideline here. But the guy he hits gets up and flexes his biceps. Go ahead. The NFL Players Association, coaches, and competition committee have all made a strong statement regarding respect among everyone on the field. Oh, yes, respect.

We saw an increase in actions that clearly are not within the spirit and intent of... Listen to the Nazi propaganda. You're never going to get rid of that. It's in... Anyways, you're never going to get rid of that it's in anyways never gonna get rid of that there were 34 such flags when in the first five minutes of the Super Bowl I don't know what's that Oh 2016 were 34. That sounds like a puny amount for the shit I see going on. So here's another thing that's funny.

You can't taunt, right? But they loosened the rules as far as celebrating again. Remember? Now you can put on plays in the end zone, do front hand springs, spray somebody with pepper spray. That's all cool, which is another form of taunting, actually. But anyhow, whatever NFL. I'm usually not with the players

because they have ruined a lot of it, but anyhow. Goodness gracious, Heloise. Let's stay on sports, shall we? What's the title of the headline here? Sweet Marissa. That's a Chinese guy singing Sweet Melissa. Who said that?

Marissa Rohan. The, oh, come on, yeah. Jesus H. Christ. Oh, I just sleep with her hair. Marissa Rohan, the L.A. Dodgers ball girl, has been dubbed a hero. Don't get too excited because I'm going to shit all over this. After she tackled a fan who ran onto the field during Sunday's 6-1 win over the rival Angels. It's just so ridiculous.

I'll tell you why. Rohan, who represents No. 93 Dodgers jersey on the field, Got the job done after a number of security personnel couldn't catch the intruder. Rohan has worked for the team since 2019, but Sunday's fan takedown is believed to be her first ever viral field moment. What, is she supposed to have more than one? What are they talking about?

And I don't want her to hurt that face. I love you for helping me to construct my life. Not a tavern, but a temple. Alright. That's her heart beating as she watches my show.

What? Rohan has been reposting messages in support from others to her Instagram story. She even joked Sunday was a rough day at work. Yeah, I'm not going to stop talking about this. She captioned a news story about her being played on Instagram. Here's what they're saying she did. And if you look closely, this is how much we, this society is starving for a female hero or a heroine. It's just hilarious.

Let's take a look. Rodgers and Angels, we got a fan on the field. The security folks are in pursuit. Watch here. The ball girl makes the big hit. Yes, the fan headed towards the stands when the ball girl along the right field line delivered the big hit. Yes, the fan headed towards the stands when the ball girl along the right field line delivered the big hit. Watch the fan flipping over the railing. Can't tell if that was a hip check or what. Yeah, I can. It wasn't. Didn't even really touch

him. He made a move to go around her and ran into that wall his own momentum took him over it looked like from afar that she did it how fucking boy are we hungry for a female hero no matter what huh oh my god but uh you know he did go flying over that wall and then they interviewed the guy who ran on the field after, and all he had to say was this. Give me a cake of beer. That's it. She hardly touched him. Let me tell you, if I was that guy, I would have run right on into her.

Wrapped her arms around me. And then we would have, I don't know, went out to the bullpen and canoodled. She didn't even touch him. The 24-year-old is a senior at California State University. Sure she is. I'm her professor. She's getting A's. I don't give a fuck. Pursuing a degree in deaf studies. She's a proud member of Alpha Phi sorority. I used to get a ladder and look into that window up at UMaine. Oh my God. I was like Belushi before Belushi at Animal House. Rohan is a former gymnast. Oh Jesus. That means she must have a really shitty body, huh? And softball player. Ever watched Girl Softball? according to past posts on her public instagram account um so

you know she's like hey you know what i'm stunning uh i lived during the times of social media i wanted there had to be some guy some guy saw her or dodgers that were well her boyfriend works in the dodgers organization so that's how it became a public story but I should have pulled another clip Matt of uh there's this a couple good examples the best one is still from like 1968 I was watching the Baltimore Colts Mike Curtis was a white linebacker number 32 just known as a real hard ass and a drunk guy runs on the field, picks up the football, and starts running around. I mean, this guy's three sheets to the wind drunk. All of a sudden, Mike Curtis comes out of nowhere and hits him with a forearm.

Lays him out. The ball shoots right up in the air. And the guy's on the ground rolling around laughing. He's so fucked up. Somebody just dropped him. And Mike Curtis, that still lives on. So Google it, folks, for you young people.

It's one of my favorite clips of all time. He was what they call a man's man. Not like Robin of Batman and Robin. I think now he's spelling it R-O-B-Y-N, isn't he? But who didn't see this coming?

I started watching Batman when I was six, and I remember saying to my dad, does he suck a prick? My father said, of course he does. He's got nylons on. Anyways, that's right. Robin is out of the closet. He's a fag.

That's all right. He fights crime. In the latest installment of Batman, urban legends of the DC comic book character Tim Drake, also known as the Caped Crusader's sidekick Robin, accepts an invitation to go on a date like a fruitcake. Why didn't they have him go on a date with one of the criminals? That would have been more interesting.

To go on a date with a Riddler. And the Riddler's like, what has two balls? To go on a date with a man named Bernard Dowd, thereby confirming Robbins' LGBTQ status. It wasn't enough that he said this every episode? I suck cock, and I love it. Yummy. Where's my utility belt? Robbins' bisexual narrative unfolds in what fans call a lightbulb moment,

as he and Bernard find themselves in a street side brawl. After the hero ultimately rescues Bernard, Robin later pays him a visit at his apartment. Right there, you know he's gay. If I saved my buddy in a brawl, he better be coming to my apartment saying thank you. With a bottle of whiskey. As Drake, the character, can be seen psyching himself up for greeting Bernard, it's okay, Tim, you got this. Really? At Bernard's door, Drake stammers, I'm really glad you got home okay, he says. I was relieved, And I've been doing a lot of thinking about that night. And I don't know what it meant to me, not yet. But I'd like to figure it out.

What kind of no guy, even a gay guy, ever said something that fucking retarded? Have they? But I'd like to figure it out. Translation. I was attracted to the ass that you were getting pounded when I saved you. Bernard responds, I was hoping you would, Timmy Drake. Do you want to go on a date with me?

That's getting to the point. He said, good, bring your utility belt. Yeah, I think I want that, Robin says. That's faggot stuff. No, it isn't. You want a call by its name? That's strictly for fags. Hey, to each his own, okay?

It doesn't affect you. It'll affect your kid when he's watching them. So anyways, Robin says, yeah, I think I'd like that. Anyways, thus concluding the episode until the next coming in December. Fans have long speculated that Robin may be queer. It really is true. I mean, they did it on SNL. Remember the dynamic duel flying on that thing that looked like a dildo? Robin may be queer, though he has dated women in previous iterations, said one such reader. Crazy thing. I saw Tim Drake coming out years ago, said a seven-year-old. Congrats to DC for making it a reality.

Comics have been increasingly representative of the LGBT community as of late. In March, Marvel unveiled their first gay Captain America character. Look, he's like Sandy Duncan flying over the audience in Peter Pan. A queer youth advocate named Aaron Fisher to be included in the upcoming United States of Captain America comic book miniseries. So they're represented there too and whatever. I'm sorry. I want my superheroes defending me from the Joker and the Riddler and the Iceman and the Catwoman.

No, she's good, right? Anyways, I want it to be hetero. Same way if I'm in a burning building. I don't want a trans guy coming up the ladder to save me. I want an Irishman with a veiny nose like Ted Kennedy, big pot belly that can bench like 500 pounds. Call me an asshole. Finally tonight, let's end on, as you know,

and you guys, we talked about this before, I mean, my buddy, the cop I always bring up, his nephew worked for Disney for years, and he works in the high-tech industry, and he's really smart, and he's been telling us for years that they have stuff that is so scary as far as deepfake videos. I mean, they've had the technology forever. They're just afraid if they unleash it, it's going to call. It's going to call. I'm not even sure what we've been watching the last two years. How do you know? You guys know the deepfake.

And apparently you can be a numbskull and make a deepfake video, which gives you an idea how good the shit is at Disney. There's not going to be. They're going to do a James Dean remake, some movie, right? And they're going to use James Dean. Bye-bye actors and actresses. Right? Which is maybe a good thing.

Then Hollywood will dry up and fucking die. Or these deepfake videos. Are they going to be protesting abortion too? Whatever. But check this little example here of a deepfake video. Take a look. It's sort of creepy. I am not Morgan Freeman. And what you see is not real. Well, at least in contemporary terms, it is not. What if I were to tell you that I'm not even a human being? I've been saying that forever. Would you believe me? that I'm not even a human being. I've been saying that forever.

Would you believe me? What is your perception of reality? Is it the ability to capture, process, and make sense of the information our senses receive? If you can see, hear, taste, or smell something, does that make it real? Or is it simply the ability to feel? I would like to welcome you to the era of synthetic reality.

Now, what do you see? Why so serious? What do I see? I see an actor a little overrated. No, I like Morgan. He does a lot of voice work. And he kind of, politically, he's kind of got it together. He doesn't like pandering to black people and stuff.

And he's a great actor. But let me tell you, part of me gets creeped out because you know you're going to turn on TV. They've probably already been using this on us. And you think you're watching the president or whoever, and it's not going to be. And they'll have Trump fucking a chicken. They'll say it's real footage. A riot will break out. Then you'll be looking at the riot going, is that real?

And it's really not. But the first thing I do is, I don't know, I request you not to do this and make a Jennifer Aniston thing come alive. I mean, if it's about feelings and taste and touch. Either that or a fucking nice 16-inch pepperoni. It's a tie. I've had enough today, folks. I've had enough of this world.

Don't forget thecomicsgym.com. Don't forget nickdip.com. Don't forget Friday night. I'm at the Cohoes Music Hall in upstate New York. Don't forget cameo.com if you want me to roast one of your friends or relatives. Go to Cameo. Click on my profile. Tell me about the person. I'll make a video on my phone having a little fun ruining his or her day. That is it, You guys think and I will say it. You are very welcome. We'll see you back here for the final day tomorrow. Have a great rest of the day, everybody. guitar solo Outro Music