The Nick DiPaolo Show - Bee Stung By Twitter | Nick Di Paolo Show #680

Episode Date: March 22, 2022

Bill Barr on Biden. Kids sing Biden out. Mercenaries target Ukraine heads. Cooky coo-coo. Twitter censors Babylon Bee.

To call Biden a criminal, why is that? He is a criminal, he's a criminal. He got caught, read his laptop, and you know who's a criminal? You're a criminal for not reporting it. You are a criminal for not reporting it. He was the best guy around. guitar solo Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Excuse me. Welcome to the big show, ladies and gentlemen, on a Tuesday. Don't forget to come see me if you're in the Dallas-Fort Worth area this weekend.

Friday night at Hyena's in Dallas. Saturday night at Hyena's in Fort Worth. Great comedy town, the Dallas area. They like it politically. They try to meet you halfway, too. It's not like New York. People sit there. Make me laugh. I know everything. Go fuck your sister-in-law. Okay? Okay. We showed you, opened with Trump. We wanted to remind you what a real president looks like and sounds like instead of

this jerk-off that stole the election and is riding around on his bike this weekend in Delaware as we verge, we're on the verge of World War III, a nuclear disaster. He's on his bike, Jackoff Joe. They probably told me he's in a tank and he's in Ukraine. You don't fucking know. But God, do I miss Trump and that straight talk shit. Can you imagine? The truth is a, it's a problem. when you actually speak the truth, that's how out of whack our system is. You're the bad guy. You're a bigot. You're, oh, still chubby even with a tan, huh? One thing good about going on the road, I don't eat. I might grab a fucking Snickers bar out of the vending machine at 2 in the morning.

Then again, I've been known to get drunk and order a pizza at 3 a.m. Wake up with a box on my chest with just the crust. It's Tony Soprano eating. All right. Speaking of Biden, God god i hate him um by the way trump is talking about hunter there i think being a criminal and and his father but i think he's speaking about the laptop and the and they buried it they that's why i'm opening folks i'll get to the war shit okay but like i said you don't know what's But like I said, you don't know what's true, what's coming out. I don't know what's true. I'm supposed to believe there's 7,000 dead Russian. I don't believe it. I don't see them. In the clips, wouldn't we see some of

them somewhere? Where are they? And they go, Ukraine's winning this thing. They are. Every footage I see, 2 million people are scrambling for the Polish border. I don't know what your definition of winning is. Does Russia have to move in and open three Starbucks downtown? I don't know what the, so that's why I'll get to it. Zelensky, reading up on him, he ain't exactly a pro-democracy guy either. In his election, he shut down, you know, he shut down his 12 people running against him, like shut down their communications, and he's like a king. So what the fuck?

What are we doing? Don't get me wrong. I'm not for Russia. But the more I read online about what Zelensky's about, you're like, what the fuck are we doing? I don't know. You know what the key to that is? You know what the answer is?

Don't read. Go out, take a walk with your kids in the park. Do whatever. As soon as somebody calls me and goes, there's a missile heading towards Georgia, I'll get off the couch. I'll put on the TV. Wait a minute.

I won't be able to find the remote. Oh, by the way, last night, I thought I was dreaming. I hear fire engines. I must have been in a state of, I hear fire engines and I'm like, those sound like they're outside my house. Then I hear guys talking and I'm like, I went back to sleep. I'm like, maybe that's the street behind me, whatever the fuck. I get up this morning. My wife goes, did you sleep through the firemen coming in? I go, what? Good husband. Yeah, whatever.

She's fine. Bought her a gun like a year ago. Yeah, apparently a smoke detector, it has a glitch in it, and it set off the alarm, which goes to the security company. They call us. Nobody answered, so they send the fucking fireman. I missed all that. Fire engines in front of my house with lights going,

ngang, ngang. I thought I had dreamed it and shit. I didn't hear her get up. I heard my stupid dog barking. I'm going to fucking turn the fire hose on that thing. Dallas knows what I'm talking about. Anyways, let's get to the fucking thing. Am I almost done with the show?

I just, folks, I don't want to get on a plane. Nothing against you guys. I love Dallas. I love the audience. I don't know that I want to do it anymore. I never took a year off in 35 years. Everybody I know, Chris Rock said to me, you got to get away from it. Everybody does, which isn't true. All my buddies, you know, they still, um, but I might be even Colin Quinn. Nobody's got a better work ethic than him. He went and wrote for the Damon's brothers for a year, Wayne's Brothers in L.A.

I'm just... I don't know. And now they're making me put a fucking mask on, which I know is absolute theater. Maybe you guys can fake it. Fucking my blood pressure goes through the roof. So I've already stocked up on, you know

what, Halloween candy we had left over. I'm bringing that on the plane so I'll be sucking on a lollipop. Huh? Yeah. A five pound, one of those five pound marshmallow ducks. A fucking spork just taking pieces out of it.

Sir, put up, shut your fucking hole. I'm thinking about getting booted so then I can't go on the road. You're shut your fucking hole. I'm thinking about getting booted, so then I can't go on the road. I'm like, no, you're out of fucking planes. But do you see where I'm at? But again, once I'm on stage and I'm having fun, but I don't do it every night,

which is what real comedians do, because I moved to a place that doesn't have much of a comedy scene. That, and I'm fucking 60. I told my first joke on stage in 1986. When were you born, Dallas? 80. Dallas was six years old. He'll be 74 on next Wednesday. So to give you an idea. So I don't get to write a whole lot of shit. Luckily, I'm quick enough on my feet to make it up and still be funny, so I won't disappoint you.

I heard Cat Williams on the way here on the radio. I fucking, he makes me laugh, my fuck. He's a pimp, he's a comedian. He's a pimp with a great sense of humor. I went to that raggedy ass ball, office and mall. Niggas ain't got nothing but pit balls and fish sandwiches, motherfucker.

You raggedy ass. Anyways, Bill Barr, do you guys remember Bill Barr? Who he used to like. He seemed like a pro Trump guy. And then he came out months ago. Remember saying the election was not rigged and he was kind of shitting on Trump. So I said, fuck you. You are another problem. The guy that looks like Elton John. Bill Barr, anyways. What was his job? Attorney General?

Former U.S. Attorney. Yeah, I got it right. Former U.S. Attorney General, Billy Barr, calling Biden a liar. Former U.S. Attorney General, Bill Barr, on Monday accused President Biden

of having lied to the American people. Boy, that sets him apart. During a presidential debate, let's take a look at a clip. You guys remember this, but it's sort of refreshing, Bill, to hear you say that. But see, now, after saying that the election wasn't rigged when there's a ton of evidence that it was, I'm sorry. I don't. He looks like fucking again. He looks like a fat Elton John. He's getting heavier to the poor. OK, this is him saying that on this past weekend, I guess it was Fox News or somewhere. During the debate when

when candidate Biden lied to the American people about the laptop. He squarely confronted with the laptop, and he suggested that it was Russian disinformation and pointed to the letter written by some intelligence people that was baseless, which he knew was a lie. A-fogging man. You are correct, sir. Mr. Barr, what do you think of Joe Biden? If you saw him, what would you say? You're lying.

And you're a piece of shit. Do you remember what we showed you yesterday? We did a recap of all the left-wing news outlets saying that it was Russian disinformation. They all read off

the same script. They all read off the same, they say the exact buzzwords. They get a memo in the morning. It goes out to MSNBC, NBC, CBS, ABC, CNN. Here, folks, here it is. I think the New York Times sets the pace, or the White House, I should say.

It's really fucking creepy. The comments from Barr, who recently authored a tell-all memoir, One Damn Thing After Another. That's the name of my one-man show about my marriage. The book is critical of former President Trump. Trump came after the New York Times last week said emails it obtained had been authenticated by sources familiar with them and with the federal probing to Hunter Biden's town. So again, we mentioned this yesterday. Oh, once your sources, once who

you, your standards clear it, it's fact. We all know they waited. They buried it. It cost Trump the fucking election. If you don't want to believe in the rig stealing votes. Oh, by the way, there's another strain of Omicron coming. That was on CNBC. My brother sent me the, I think I might've mentioned that yesterday too. I can't remember what I did. Yesterday's show was like a childhood rape. I just block it up. During the October 22nd, 2020 debate, Trump suggested the email showed Biden was a corrupt politician and called his scandal scarred son's computer, the laptop from hell, which is so stupid. It's a laptop from heaven if it's you. Depends how you're looking at it. Biden responded

that there are 50 former national, remember this? He said this during the debate. There are 50 former national intelligence folks who said what this is. He's accusing me of, what he's accusing me of is a Russian plant, is what Zhurkov said, okay? What are we doing? Yeah, we know what you're doing, you fucking liar Russian plot. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved? They have said, this is, again, Biden during the debate, they have said that this has all the characteristics. Four or five former heads of the CIA, both parties, say what he's saying is a bunch of garbage. So he looked you guys right in the eyes, you dumb, eight dumb people who voted for him. I want you to think back on what we impeached Trump for, what they tried to impeach. Just think about it, about a phone call that there was nothing going.

I don't even remember the first time they tried to impeach him for what. But think about all this jerk-off has done. Flying illegals in. Literally, that goes right against the Constitution. In the middle of the night. Stole the election. I think he's been a hardcore criminal his whole fucking life, politically. Ah, boy. Anyways, and I've said it before, I'll say it again, and I'm not trying to imply anything here. Don't read anything.

But presidents and men a lot greater than Joe have done a lot less to get... What's... I don't know. Fill in the blank. You know what I'm saying? I think you do.

Why does it say Hillary cackling? Yay for kids is the headline. A President's Day lesson turned controversial when a norco, that's not a narco, it's a school, parent saw a video, a Christian school, whatever, saw a video of her daughter among students chanting, this is actually fresh air, isn't it? For once, it's us. The Soaring Eagles. They lost to Nebraska, I think, 1988, Orange Bowl. We want him out. Little kids, little school kids, like first grade, we want him out, they were chanting. After her teacher asked the class who the president is and what do we want to do with him. I love it. That's beautiful. Video of the four and five-year-olds chanting the political statement about Joe Biden was posted on an internal app for parents of students at Turning Point Christian School. And that's how Christian

McFadden, that's the mom, saw it. Here's the report from some little blonde chick. Glennon Lewitt happened to be President's Day, but exactly what they were learning is unclear. But the teacher posted this video and she sent it to their parents. Who's our president? Biden! What do we want to do with him? We want to die! What? We want to die! What?

We want to die! These are four and five-year-olds in transitional kindergarten at Turning Point Christian School in Norco. Their teacher posting the video to the school's internal parent app. I couldn't believe it at first. Christina McFadden watched the video several times in horror. Pause. In horror?

Did she? Would she rather have him being learning about clits and dicks at that age? Or why white people are evil? And why your kids are evil? I don't get this is a Christian preschool, whatever the fuck. Look, folks, let me just

I don't think any of this shit even, I'm for what this teacher's saying but not to little kids can't you teach them math and shit you wonder why the Chinese have blown by us you know what I'm saying keep this shit to your fuckers

get it out of here but I'm just saying it's refreshing to see the shoe on the other foot even though I'm not a big fan of this shit but what is she so really she was horrified have you been watching the clips from fucking kiev and the baby's getting blown up and shit you little rotten go ahead dating her

students they're you know everybody has a right to believe in what they want and my daughter wasn't given that opportunity and especially pause my what? I don't, what does that mean? She's supposed to have her own soapbox? She's fucking two? Go ahead. I think she could even comprehend to make an informed decision on who and what she should believe in. Make that and contact it. Oh, well, maybe you want to go to a different school. leaving. McFadden contacted. Oh, well, maybe you want to go to a different school, something more fit to your, I don't know, PS 156 in the Bronx, something like that. I mean, I fucking give me a break. I know. I love it too, Hillary. They showed the clip to Biden. He said, what are we doing?

They showed the clip to Biden. He said, what are we doing? What's going on right now? You know, bitch, the kids hate you. McFadden was told the teacher was spoken to. The video was reviewed in that the officials, this is my favorite part, were okay with it. Were okay with it. They were okay with it.

I'm guessing the school's like, you know what? I bet they're going to have a little meeting and go, fuck that. CRT and everything? They're calling the parents who are against that fucking racist? So good. Good for them. They're not backing down. But again, you don't have to keep the politics out of pre-K or pre-whatever the fuck.

Pre-fetus school? Pre-F? Well, pre-whatever the fuck. Pre-fetus school, pre-F. While her daughter thought it was funny, McFadden said she still doesn't know what the lesson was about, even though she has asked. McFadden, it wasn't a lesson. It was a cute little thing that you've seen a million times the left do.

That's all. A little indoctrination from the right. McFadden's daughter has since tried fentanyl and she's walking the streets. Good night, everybody. Has since switched to school. She switched schools. She hopes that this incident serves as a lesson to parents to be more informed. Mama. Again, kind of refreshing. Not for that shit. Really, I don't know why these teachers feel so emboldened.

They really should. I don't understand. Here's my opinion. I don't have kids, so I could be wrong. But the whole pre-K thing is a racket anyways. That's just babysitting. What are they, learning calculus and fucking reading Shakespeare? They're shitting their pants and

throwing building blocks at each other. That's all that is. Seriously. Can they even do like math or what are you teaching them? How to get along with other kids of different colors. Ugh.

I wouldn't let my kids out of the house until about fifth grade. Then I go, go ahead. I saw a show on that, my favorite show, Evil Lives Here. And these two lesbians were keeping these kids in a closet, literally for like years. And then one day they let them out and sent them to school, like on the first day of school. And they were in like third, fourth grade.

The kids are like, I had no idea what I was supposed to do. It was fucking, that's some evil shit. Anyways, let's talk about a great sponsor we have. The Nick DiPaolo Show sponsored by Black Buffalo. Black Buffalo is everything you love about dipping. With the same flavors, texture, aroma, pack, and nicotine as traditional tobacco products, but it's made from edible green leaves just with no tobacco leaf or stem. I tried the, I love anything mint, and I tried the, it was so,

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Nicotine is an addictive chemical, they say. Anyways, I'll tell you who doesn't dip, these mercenaries, am I right? How's that for a segue, Ethan? They dip into trouble. Dallas, now you must be familiar, huh, a little bit with mercenaries? I was one for five years. I was going to say, the contractor,

that's basically what you were, right? That's just a friendly word for mercenary is contractor. Yeah, mercenary sounds like a person who gives mercy. But Dallas did this stuff for five years, folks, true patriot. Mercenaries showing no mercy. An elite group of shadowy Russian mercenaries,

as opposed to the ones that are straight up and sweet as a... Anyways, they've entered Ukraine to again attempt to assassinate President Zelensky and his right-hand men, the war-torn nation's military warned on Sunday. And when they asked Mr. Zelensky about it, of course, he said, I'm staying right here. God bless him. Again, this is the biggest problem for me, having, where's he? Every time I see him, he, he could be in Hollywood from a studio doing this. I don't hear anything in the back, I, I know they have a hidden place, I guess, but come on. Another, it's something, that's the only

part of my, not the only part, but I'm really having a problem with that. Another group of military, um, militants connected with a Yeggory Prigzozin, a Russian propagandist close to Putin and owner of Wagner, began arriving in Ukraine today. What's Wagner? A company, a contract? Probably a contract. Sounds like a good dog food. Give little fluffy Wagner.

Ukraine's Ministry of Defense tweeted that. The main task of criminals is to eliminate the top military and political leadership of Ukraine, the department insisted. That came from the Ukraine people. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger. No, Will Robinson. Danger. Zelensky, 44, has always maintained he is Russia's number one target. Well, you must be a detective. He's like, who me?

Oh, me. Gosh. With his family second. That has to bother him. And has reportedly survived more than a dozen. Again, I want to believe this. We're making a Rambo thing here. I just, and our push by our government and our media to love this guy is

creeping me out. I think my instincts are good. I follow this shit. I have no life. More than a dozen assassination attempts, one of his key advisors said earlier this month, well, at least some of those previous attempts were tied to Wagner, the Kremlin-backed private paramilitary outfit, there you go, accused of some of the previous attempts were tied to Wagner, the Kremlin-backed private paramilitary outfit, accused of some of the worst atrocities around the world, and run by an oligarch known as Putin's chef. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved? Known as Putin's chef, huh? I'm not going to try his desserts.

Comrade! huh I'm not gonna try his desserts com about him? Jesus Christ. You shut your eyes and it sounds like Hitler's selling you fucking cutlery. I'm Wolfgang Puck and that's why I use FedEx. As well as targeting the president, the mercenaries are gunning for Zelensky's chief advisor, Andrei Ermak, as well as Prime Minister Deniz. Deniz. That's like Deniz, only with one N. Anyways, I would not want to be those guys, but quit showing me pictures of them sitting at the UN. I would expect them to be dirty and, you know, I mean,

cuts on the hands and hiding under a... Again, I don't know. They may have a nice hidden thing, but you better watch out, fellas. I hope Godspeed to you. That's those guys going, like, into a... I don't know. I was going to say a Starbucks.

I doubt they're open right now. Over there. Oh, the guy's name is Dini Shmahal. Shmyle. Oh God, I can't wait for this war to move to England. Why can't I, so I can say Ian Eggleston, which, according to Fox News, citing a longer warning by the Defense Department's main intelligence board Directors. Putin personally ordered another attack. All previous attempts have ended in the failure and elimination of terrorists of the post. Again, I want to believe that, but I don't.

The organization of the assassinations of the first persons of our state is part of the strategy of the occupiers. The Kremlin's plans are well known to the Ukrainian army. Special services and law enforcement agencies stressed the post cited by Fox. So again, I know he brought in some guys from like Aleppo, didn't he? Or from Syria, wherever the fuck. How do you get that, John? Well, you know. Well, actually, he lifted the need for visa requirements so foreign fighters can come. And he created the Ukrainian Foreign Legion to allow those specific types of people to come over. Who did?

Zelensky. He passed something so they would come over? Yeah, he had lifted the visa requirements that were being a challenge to people. Yeah, but these are the guys that are trying to kill him. No, so Zelensky has his own contract. Oh, he's got his own guys. Yeah, I get you. Too much weed.

Anyhow, what's the headline here? Am I saying this woman's name right? Her last name is spelled C-O-O-C-K-Y. Kooky? You can't make this shit up. Kooky?

Cuckoo? This story, I'm giving you a trigger warning, folks, even though I don't believe in them. This one might send you through the roof. Get all the pets out of there. You might punch your poodle across the fucking living room after listening to this one. An op-ed, that would be opinion editorial, folks, featured in NBC. It says in NBC. Did they mean on? In NBC what? On compared famed

pen, first of all, NBC is fucking, I think they make CNN look like Fox. They compared famed pen transgenic swimmer Leah Thomas to Jackie Robinson. What's wrong with this picture? Everything. Everything. The only thing that could be right about that, if those things could come to life, Jackie would fucking swing in her head and knock that fucking he-she skull deep into center field. It is gone. The first black American to play professional baseball.

Well, thanks for clearing that up. Can you imagine some dumb broad is comparing this thing to him? I just... I know. I know, Max. You're a damn. All right. Exactly how I...

Written by Cheryl Kooky. C-O-O-K-Y. Look it. Look at Boba Streisand. Look at the frames on her glasses. That's all I need to know about how she votes. Her face says,

I am offended by everything I don't agree with. Almost fuckable, though. I'm surprised. But who haven't I said that about?. Almost fuckable, though. I'm surprised. But who haven't I said that about? Written by Cheryl Kulke, Purdue University, get this, this explains it all, professor of American and gender studies.

That, you know, the first thing you do if the Republicans take the House, all that shit, you don't allow that anymore. There's some school that already banned gender study. Probably like Oral Roberts or something. Anyways, that's

Professor of American Gender Studies. She opened the argument Thomas' recent string of victories at the NCAA Swimming Championship in which he beat out two silver Olympic medalists. She says should be celebrated as an advancement of women's sports. Here's my take again. I'll tell you right now, she's never

played a sport in life. Just because I see what she teaches. I could be wrong, but I doubt she's ever even competed against other women or anything. And this is what happens if you stay in academia long enough. You're up in your Ivy Towers, right? And you keep, you get to work on these arguments, right? And write every night and give your, to the point where you come full circle. And it doesn't apply to the real world. You're not living in the real world. Might make sense on paper, which And it doesn't apply to the real world. You're not living in the world.

Might make sense on paper, which it even doesn't. But do you get what I'm saying? It's too much time. They overthink shit. You can justify anything or rationalize anything, I should say. According to Kooky Thomas, not Kooky Thomas, Thomas the swimmer, a man living as a woman has shattered the notion of the sex segregation of women that sports have often promoted. No, that's not true. Hasn't shattered that. It's only proven why it should exist. Sweetheart, what are you looking at? Oh, those glasses.

Oh my God, I could cut her head off with a fucking chainsaw and sleep like a baby. I don't care how many firemen are knocking on my door. How does one advocate for equitable treatment She's saying, how does one advocate for equitable treatment while also

adhering to the notion of biological differences? You really can't, asked Kuki. If separate is not equal, for equitable treatment while also adhering to the notion of biological differences. You really can't, asked Kuki. If separate is not equal, which in this case it's not, well, you can't make an exception to the rule. She's taking this thing from civil rights 50s, 60s, black, white, separate but equal, you know, that shit. She's applying this to a gender argument.

Am I wrong here, folks? If separate is not equal in the case of schools, bathrooms, again, this is all race-based, restaurants or other social institutes, can separate ever truly be equal in the case of sports? Abso-fucking-lutely. Very easy. Very easy. Do your homework. Google. I don't know. This happened in the 70s. I thought it was Superfoot Wallace, but it was somebody else. Do you remember Superfoot Wallace? He was the first martial arts guy in the 70s, kind of. It wasn't him.

It was another guy like him who fought a housewife from Oklahoma who was the toughest woman out there. Why don't you go review that and tell me there's no differences? It lasted 11 seconds. He beat her silly, and they sent her out there again. Oh, my God. I thought I was like 12 years old. I'm going, oh, my God, he's going to kill her. Would gender-based discrimination in sports be eradicated if sports were gender integrated? Again, I think she's

conflating a kind of a race argument. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. After hailing the NCAA, this is what progressives do. There's a reason the system has been the way it has for years, but they discount that. Because they want to change everything. That's their logo. Their fucking M.O. And they want to change everything,

whether good or bad. Everything they touch turns to shit. After hailing the NCA for allowing transgender people to compete, yeah, how's that working out? Kooky then argues, is that that working out? Cookie then argues, is that really her name? I love it. Cookie.

Maybe Cookie, huh? I'm saying Cookie because I hate her. But it's obvious, no, Cookie has an IE at the end. Let's call her Cookie. Cookie then argues that scientific evidence does not show that transgender people have advantages over women. Yeah, it does. Even though Thomas,

who was ranked 462nd when competing with other men when he was a guy, right? 462nd has now suddenly dominated Olympic medalists you fucking you snotty little bastard today's athletes like Jackie Robinson are celebrated as breaking the color barrier in sports although that narrative

often requires sanitize she can't even get through that without taking a shot at it, but sanitizers, simplifying or rewriting a more complex, nuanced and contradictory history. Nobody, sweetheart, is saying she's not a pioneer at what she's doing. She's a pioneer for something bad that's hurting women. Us guys love this argument because it's making the radical feminists look like fucking assholes. Again, in theory, their theories always sound good until the rubber hits the fucking road or the dick hits the pool or the clit hits

the diving board. There remains, though, a cultural investment in celebrating sports first, whether that be Robinson as the first black MLB player, the first openly gay active player in the NBA, the first non-binary U.S. athlete to participate in the Winter Olympics, or the first woman to score a Power Five college football game. Maybe that should set off a bell when there's a bunch of firsts. That something's wrong here. Many of the athletes who became the first encounter resistance, backlash, and opposition,

which Jackie Robinson did tenfold than what she's experiencing. It's a different time, honey. Can she stay at a hotel when they go on the road? Can she eat in a restaurant with white people? I'm mad, and I go, whatever the fuck. Encounter resistance, backlash, and opposition, especially from those who have historically benefited from the status quo in sports.

You know what? I hope she wins the argument. I hope the people that take her side, I hope they win. I hope there's a shitload more of Leah Thomas' coming. Because then there'll be more evidence. And maybe they just did people, maybe this is the one.

No, there'll be so much evidence. I want to see scores. You know, I want to see a, I brought this up before, I want to see a transgender woman, meaning a guy who became a woman, who's 6'3", 240, play in a professional woman, meaning a guy who became a woman, who's 6'3", 240, play in a professional woman's football league and just leave a trail of paralyzed safeties. I'm telling you. And then

they'll sit up and take notice. Cookie is several months late to the Leah Thomas is Jackie Robinson game, the person who wrote this. In January, none other than Leah Thomas himself, herself, himself, good, himself, made the comparison according to several teammates. He was calling himself Jackie Robinson. You're entitled to shit. Again, you would be my hero if you were doing this to prove a point that I believe. She says, here's a teammate of Ms. Thomas saying, I try not to be around her because the whole situation makes me so mad. An anonymous teammate told the Washington Examiner, I don't think Leah

is a bad person. She's very quiet and kind of introverted. Yeah, because when you're an asshole, you have to be that way. It's just really hard for me to respect her at all because of what she's doing to my team and what she's doing to women in general and not caring. I kind of agree with that. You can't always fucking get what you want. You're entitled to shit. Exactly, Gilligan. The four courses she offers at Purdue. Speak up.

Sorry. Go ahead. The four courses she offers at Purdue. One is sport and American culture, understanding the NFL, feminist theory, and feminist methodologies. And understanding the NFL? Oh, can we, how do I take that? Can I take it online? Do you want to see an unruly student?

Oh, my. Can you imagine the fun we could have sitting in on that? Oh, my God. Just making her look like a fucking asshole. Excuse me, professor? Who played in the first Super Bowl? I don't know, that's not important. Yeah.

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and use promo code NickDip for 20% off. And it's a lot healthier, I think, than drinking a pot of coffee. Let's move on, shall we? Twitter twats at it again. Yesterday, Twitter suspended the account of satirical site The Babylon Bee for a post that jokingly named Rachel Levine, seen here. Well, that's the logo. You know who she is?

There she is. What a piece of ass. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I just want you to think for a minute about people in Ukraine being bombed by Russia, and this is what we're worried about. Anyways, the Babylon Bee jokingly named Rachel Levine the Transgender Assistant Secretary for Health. Secretary for Health.

They named her Man. That's right, folks. Man of the Year. Man of the Year. Man of the Year. Fuckin' queers! Thank you. Dallas just provided this soundbite I forgot. Fucking queer.

Here, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann, co-author of the Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness, explains why he isn't going to back down to the social media giant's demands. Well, it finally happened. We're kind of surprised this is him talking. It didn't happen as sooner, he says. The Babylon Bee has been locked out of our Twitter account. The satirical article that offended the Twitter overlords, the Babylon Bee's man of the year is Rachel Levine, for the simple offense of labeling a biological man a man through a satirical headline, we have lost access to all 1.3 million of our followers on Twitter. It's just so ridiculous. A world, this is him talking, a world where you can state a simple biological fact

and face censorship, the loss of revenue, and your livelihood, and excommunication from the public square for stating the truth, no matter how satirical, tongue-in-cheek your tone is, is a scary one indeed. Absolutely. This is just straight-out fascism, authoritarianism, whatever the fuck you want to call it.

They're telling you what's offensive and what... Follow the way we feel about shit, or we'll crush you. I mean, what the, I can't believe it's got this far. People used to say back in the 80s, political correctness was stifling. Here we are, fucking 30, 40 years later,

and it's, I didn't think it'd go this far. As the famous Ron Paul saying goes, truth is treason in the empire of lies. He is exactly right about that. Fucking Twitter. And the

people that are on it agree with this mentality? That's what's creepy. And by the way, we'll say it again. The internet was created for this a long time ago. It was for the government. It wasn't a Facebook. It wasn't jerk off at Harvey trying to pick up chicks. Don't believe all that shit. Fuck you!

I'm telling you. Fuck you! That's Zuckerberg. Fuck you! Disagreeing with me. You never got laid down there, you big girl. When cultural revolutions happen, the comics, that would be me, and entertainers are the first to be targeted by the revolutionaries.

Those looking to upend our society know the power of entertainment. That's especially true of America, because the First Amendment holds it all together. You understand? So it's especially true of our country, with our free speech history, the power of entertainment and satire, for they use it to great effects as they spread their ideas to the next generation. Control the comedians, control the messaging, and you control the minds of people. I feel proud to be in this industry, but my industry is brought up on the verge of fucking World War III as being a key for my enemies to shut down our

way of life. I don't know what the fuck. Hmm. I don't know what I did. What did I do? Pass out? While I was doing this this morning? Yeah. Where's that one? What the fuck happened?

What? Anyways, and indeed, it's control over our minds that Twitter wants. They can't just delete the offending tweet and let us back in. They want us to go, this is a great way of explaining, they want Babylon Bee to go into their account and click the delete button themselves. He says we have to bend the knees, kiss the ring, bow to the towering statue of LGBTQ politics

when the trumpets play. That's a great way of putting it, by the way. I suck cock and I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Or we stay on timeout indefinitely. By the way, the guy that was saying this on Tucker last night sounded a little, a lot

gay to me. I don't know. I could be wrong. I appreciate Babylon being what they're doing. Fight the man, but can somebody take notice of the original gangster here who was doing it fucking 22 years ago? But you know what? I look like a real gindaloon.

These are dumb racists from Brooklyn. I'm telling you. Black guys are right about those. Some stereotypes. We have to promise to do better. Implicitly agree that calling a man a man is hate speech, and then we'll be allowed the right to speak on Twitter's platform. That's exactly right.

Sum that up beautifully. What a crock of poo-poo, huh? Get off, Twitter. So many losers. Did you ever think Twitter would still be around? Remember when it first came on the scene? Oh, you get to say shit in, you know, 40 characters. I thought it was dumb even then.

I never even asked. You're just smarter than all of us. Anyway. What are you talking about? You were fighting over there. You didn't time to get on Twitter. Anyways, that's it for today, I believe. I feel it's enough.

Anyways, that's it. Don't forget, again, I hope you're in the area this weekend. Hyenas. Hyenas. Two shows Friday night in Dallas, then hyenas the next night in Fort Worth for two shows. Before that,

this Thursday morning, not tomorrow, the following morning, I think I'm going to be on Crowder show at 9 a.m. Texas time, which is, what, 10 here, I believe. So he's got a huge following, and I'm counting on doing this to fill the fucking shows. You see what I go through, folks?

I don't need the money. I sell pure weed, coke, during the day to young Jewish kids. They love it. Anyways, that's it. Go to thecomicsgym.com. Please sign up monthly or patreon.com and nickdip.com. And don't forget,

click on the tour dates, merchandise at nickdip.com. Don't forget cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, go to cameo.com. Tell me a little bit about the person. I'll record a video on my phone, minute or two long, and we'll give them a real zinger. People love it, especially people who are fans of mine. People send them as birthday gifts or whatever. That's it for today. Remember, tomorrow is the final day because I got to get on a plane

tomorrow night. You guys think it, I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow. Have a great day, everybody. I'm free I'm free I'm free guitar solo Outro Music