The Nick DiPaolo Show - Ben Stein Part 2 | Nick Di Paolo Show #1487

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo interviews the great Ben Stein and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Quite like a bitch. What kind of talk is that on the day before Thanksgiving? Hey, quite like a bitch. What kind of talk is that on the day before Thanksgiving? Hey, cry like a bitch. He said that to a guy who was banging, oh, it was the mayor, a city councilman was banging Tony's old girlfriend. Tony said, don't worry about it, it doesn't bother me.

Then Tony gets drunk one night and starts listening to the radio in his car. Decides to go over to the mayor's house and fucking whip him like a little kid with his belt. Hey, cry like a bitch. Dude, please, I beg you. Best show in the history of anything. Hey, how are you folks? It's Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, and I make this joke every year, but I'll do it again. I didn't

really know how to stuff a bird correctly. I couldn't find any videos. I had to go to Youporn and go to the Fisting Center. I tweeted that like three years in a row. People still laughing at it. I can't help it. I'm funny. What do you mean funny? Funny how, fuckface? That's my wife. Like I amuse you when I'm loading the dishwasher?

Yeah, kind of. Ooh, look at this. Speak of the devil. She must be listening to me. Hold on. Let's see what the wife wants to say. Sweet cheeks? That can't be for me. This was supposed to go to Terrell Suggs. Our call with Bush. A lawyer involving the Pandora case. They want to depose me.

Go ahead. Think you can get something over on a giddy? Anyways, the call's been moved to tomorrow. I'll be cooking. What's the matter with these people? Don't they know I'm gay. Where are we? What are we doing?

Yeah, I get to, day before, and what am I going to do? I'm going to do the apple cranberry crisp. Old Amaral Gassi recipe, but really consistent and delicious. Got about four pounds of butter in it. I'll be shitting blood for two weeks, but I don't care.

I'm 61. It's time to... What else? Going with a... I like... I'm making stuffing with Italian sausage and a little green apple, which we've done before. And, I mean, I do the plain toe, but...

Andy wants scallop potato, so I gave her a black eye. Sashimi. That actually is going to follow up with the story we're doing. Scallop potato, delicious. I'm just saying, you know, the whole reason for mashed potatoes, really, it's just to be able to go for the gravy. I got caught drinking out of the gravy boat when I was a kid. You can pour that over everything.

And homeberry, homeberry, homeberry. Fucking do another line, you fag. Homemade cranberry sauce, which I friggin' love, as opposed to that shit that comes out of a can and wiggles like your grandmother's tits when she's jogging. And the turkey. We're only going, two people,

just going with like, you know, a Brookshire Farms breast. It's like six, you know what I mean? And ironically, because I don't, that's my least favorite part of the turkey.

Usually when you have a whole turkey, the breast tends to dry out a little bit. It's hard to, but when you buy it like this, you have more control over it. And it's actually delicious. It's hard to. But when you buy it like this, you have more control over it. And it's actually delicious. Sound gay right now.

And what else? Scalloped potatoes and, I don't know, cocaine for dessert. Yes, I call it that's right, I call it angel food. Snowcake. Let's get to it I guess right penny for your thoughts I just thought

I'd throw a light one in oh by the way we get to watch the lions and not make they're not going to make us throw up our meal right after best record they've had on Thanksgiving since the year I was born 62 can you imagine

hey take it easy Thanksgiving since the year I was born, 62. Can you imagine? Hey, take it easy. Hey, take it easy. What the fuck, P? You know, spring chicken. Yeah, so they're probably favored. When's the last time that happened? Who are they playing, you know?

Probably the Bears or the Packers or... Yeah, you're right. The Donut again. I don't know. Anyways. La, la, la. Dallas is looking it up. He's looking it up. In the meantime...

Mr. DiPaolo, no one could be as nasty as as you pretend to be unless they they really wanted to be disliked that's my gynecologist all right so our lineup is actually your yes packers lines so i get to watch my packers lose again packers lines uh reskins cowboys oh that's an oldie. That one, when I was a kid, meant a lot, too. And then 49ers, Seahawks. Another good matchup. That's not bad matchups.

Let's move on to the first story before we do the second half of the interview with Ben Stein that you're going to love. Penny for your thoughts. That's the headline of the story. Men are counting accounting. Nick, how's the new teleprompter working out? Maybe it's you, you retard.

Men are courting women with the penny dating method, in quotes. A toxic, I hate people who put their opinions in. Don't tell me it's toxic. I'll decide. Whore who wrote it. Toxic tactic that involves treating investment in a relationship like deposits in a piggy bank. When I dated, I was always depositing into piggies. Give me the money, you understand?

Give me the fucking money, you hear me? You hear me? I gotta come here and fuck my body. Come on, folks. This is Grammy-winning shit. According to Indy 100, the method involves a man putting 100% investment at the beginning of a romance.

I'd like to know how they define that, because my 100% is not going to be what yours is, I'm guessing. Here's a girl I met in high school, Kathleen Madigan. 100% investment at the beginning of a romance before deliberately dropping the level of effort. First of all, that's not even deliberate. That's just a guy.

That's like natural. I had a great joke about this. I said I sucked when I was dating because, and I go, it wasn't my fault. It's just when you get into a relationship, especially guys, I'm talking about guys, you know how it is. The first couple weeks, you're actually opening the door for them, pulling their chair out. And I go, fast forward to six months later, you're sitting in the front of the front seat of her car, rifling through her purse, looking for her best friend's phone number as she's

changing a flat in the rain. Ah, come on, folks. It was a killer. Beginning of a romance before deliberately dropping the level of effort until their female partners feel lucky to get the bare minimum. God, it's terrific. TikToker Erica Tham or Tam, out. Again, another girl just using an excuse to yap to show her beauty. Yeah, I'm sure it's tough. I'm sure guys get bored of you in a hurry. What's the matter? Maybe date somebody who doesn't make $18 million.

Try to drop it a little. Maybe try a garbage man or the guy that works at the city dump. They're just as shallow as us. It's so funny. It's where the, oh, you just like big tits. Yeah. And you like big wallets. Yeah. You're going to tell me Paulina Portakova would have dated the lead singer. What was his name from the cars? They were married. She was a supermodel. He was one of the ugliest men on the earth. I'm sure if he was a security guard crossing kids at high school, she would have fucking wanted a piece of him. Get out of the way. TikToker Erica Tham explained the tactic in a viral video that has gained 7.6 million views

and plenty of outrage since it was shared earlier this month. Anytime anything's got a bit of truth to it, people get outraged. You know, lefties or women. Sam said she was talking to a male friend about love bombing. Different meaning in the Gaza Strip. The action of inundating a new partner with the constant and extravagant displays of affection early in a relationship.

There I am. I love you. 20 years ago. At an IHOP on a Saturday morning after I banged the shit out of this broad. I'm going to quiet her down with a Grand Slam special. Oh, I'm sorry, that's done. This is you, the first couple of weeks or months of your relationship with a girl. I got some clips that I'll show you later on. The friend told them that men have their own perverted twist on this tactic, dubbed the penny method. The friend went on to explain the adjustments of attention over time. A man would deliberately decrease the amount of attention given to the girl before inflating it again ever so slightly to appease her.

It's kind of a male version of cock teasing. However, over time, literally, over time, the investments become smaller as the man's penis and balls do. Investments become smaller as the woman's sense of self-worth is corroded. Jesus, the way they put it. Huh? But also, do you think any guy's really giving that much thought

to making that much of an effort to do this? Not guys like me, no. And people are throwing it at me. No, I don't. I don't. Especially with dating apps and shit. Oh, yeah. This is important.

This is the one. Until Wednesday when that whore from Brockton calls me back. Anyways, so you're trying to purposely lower herself for, that is really mean, but guys don't care. We're kind of cold-hearted like that. Your tears are so yummy and sweet.

Oh, the tears of unfathomable sadness. Yummy, yummy, you guys. Might be the best segment we ever did. Never be accepting of anything less than a $100 bill, fam declared. What are you, the president? Yeah.

Like you can even relate. Go talk to a fat girl with acne who I would be chasing. So I'm going to show you a couple clips of how relationships really go. They sort of involve an ethnicity type here that's similar to mine. The first clip is, I would say this is about all the fucking niceties have gone by. It's about seven, eight months into the relationship. And this is how the guy and woman treat each other. Gave it to Nemutov.

Because I thought maybe we'd want to have sex, but not likely. Put my fucking dinner on the table and keep your mouth shut. Will you shut up? But just because he's a ballroom dancer, you think your son is gay? And what if he was gay?

What difference does it make? Jesus Christ. I'm not supposed to laugh at that. But that's Richie April, the best bad guy in the history of TV. Oh, my God. Give me a fucking dinner on the table. Shut your mouth and get my dinner. Holy shit, that's sexist.

And here's another clip. Again, I'd say roughly 8 to ten, maybe a year into the relationship. Again, you guys, you know, you're still hanging in there, but you start to, especially guys, you start to treat them a little, not as nice as you should.

I think this shows a typical couple. Huh? You know how many girls with kill-free opportunity you got? What, working for you? Oh, go ahead. Keep it up.

Give me a break. In two seconds, I could get a job at any other... Listen to me, you little bujock. Until you pay what you owe, that shaved twat of yours

belongs to me. You understand? That was me after I took a girl to Arby's. Oh, God. Until you pay me what you owe me, that shaved twat belongs to me. That was my dad's quote in his yearbook picture.

Girls, I'm not laughing at that. I'm not condoning it. That's, of course, from the greatest show in the history of the world, The Sopranos, and goodness gracious. So that's how it really goes, don't you think? Anyways, hope that wasn't too graphic for you. Hey, in the second half of the show, we'll be showing you the second half of the Ben Stein interview.

Oh, my God. I don't even remember what we talked about. We were belly laughing so hard. Just his voice alone is worth a zillion dollars. And remember what he said at the end? Have me back on. Yeah. When I'm your best guest.

Anyway, that's exclusively on Mug Club. All right? So join now to get it at nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. NickDip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick-a-shirts. Just go to NickDip.com and click on store.

Again, that's NickDip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Let me ask you this uh ben because i know you got anything you want you got you got pretty close uh with richard nixon um excuse me as far as oliver stone's uh portrayal of him what was that uh i have a theory i think nixon was the first victim of the left's character assassination. Not the first, but he was an early one. All right.

He didn't. Watergate break in, I think, was 72. I'm old. I'm moving. Yeah, no, it sounds about right. 72. So now it's 19, 20, 23. We still don't know what the Watergate burglars so-called were doing there. Nobody knows. Nobody knows what they were doing there. Yeah. What was Mr. Nixon's crime? It wasn't any.

It was just that the media got after him. They sunk their fangs into him and smelled blood. And they went after him. And he was a sensitive guy. People think he was a tough guy. him and he was a sensitive guy people think he was a tough guy no he was a sensitive guy and they went after him tooth and nail yeah woodward and who bernstein my next door neighbor what bernstein yes when i was a child in silver spring he was my next door neighbor i lived in 93 42 harvey road he lived in 93 40 harvey road and

you know what he and i were close friends he was a character and a very funny guy and a very very very talented musician he played played the guitar incredibly well he should have stuck to the guitar well yeah you're right and he had a very cute sister named Mary, and I liked her a lot. And anyway, I never – Mary Bernstein. Yeah, they were wonderful neighbors, and I loved them a lot. I really did. I mean, I really did.

I mean, even now, when I'm on shows and asking about Bernstein and Woodward, I say I'll talk – I'll say any kind of shit you want about Woodward, but I will never say anything bad about Carl Bernstein. He was my really close friend, and I'm not going to say anything bad about him. Wow, that's surprising to me, since they had such... Well, loyalty is everything.

No, you're right. And people, that's the other thing, people, when they talk about Jews, yeah, they take care of each other. We ought to try it sometime. That's right. Yeah. Hey, hey, good idea.

Good idea. You know what I mean? Murder Incorporated, all Jews, dump the bodies in Saranac Lake, up in the Catskills, near the Concord, the Grossingers. Nobody's going to notice. They smell the herring. They smell the herring. They don't smell the bodies. It they smell like the herring smell the herring they don't smell the bodies it's okay that's right the jews taught us we were there they they taught the italians um

you know how to get business done yeah exactly and the italians taught us a lot they taught us a lot. They taught us a lot about girls, let's say. But I think, this is my opinion, that many people have better opinions. I think I could teach anyone about sex. Even though I'm an old, old, old man. Yeah, but you've been around. You've been around. You've been around.

You bet I do. And I, you bet. If you had any idea if my wife my wife sleeps very late but if it weren't for the fact that my wife

showed the kindest nicest gentlest person in the world a living breathing saint an actual an actual saint

I would have been crucified a long time ago let me say this Let me say this. Let me say this about Ben. This guy fucked everything that moved. Not everything that moved. Not everything that moved. He ruled out the moving part. I ruled out the men.

I ruled out the men. I ruled out the men. I live in Beverly Hills right next to West Hollywood. And I go to the grocery store. They, a great grocery store called Pavilion City. I've been there. I lived out there. I lived in West Hollywood for a couple of years.

All gay, as you know. Except for you. Except for you. My ass is still sore. Go ahead. Yeah. The gay people are the nicest people in the world. I love them.

I love, love. No, they really are. No, I agree, but we let them out of their closet, and they couldn't handle it. So I'm telling them to get back in their fucking closet, but go ahead. Well, no, we love them. I'm kidding, gay folks. But why are they all Democrats? What the hell?

It's the Republicans who tell them you can do whatever you like. It's a free country. The Democrats are always ordering, ordering them around. Yeah. Oh, you're gay. Well, you can only put your dick in such and such a person's ass at certain times of day. No, we Republicans say do it anytime you want. Right.

And now it's the left that's in people's faces and in bedrock. I know. I know. When did that happen, Ben? Jesus. It's all screwed up. The country is very badly screwed up. It happened at the election, last election.

And I'm not going to say that it was stolen. I'll say it. I'm not allowed to say it. I can. And i will and i kept saying it till i'm blue in the face go ahead okay i'll say it but look look look 50 state courts were brought to case not one of them would handle it come on there were so many voting districts where more people voted democrat than there were people in the district. You just hit it.

You just hit it on the head. And nobody should have said boo about it. Nobody should have. Yeah. You just hit it on the head because the left always goes, they didn't win in court. No, they didn't even look at it. They didn't even look at it. It's not that they lost in court.

They didn't even look at it. It's not that they lost in court. Hey, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of this show. And everyone else, go to nickadip.com to join to get my full show. You'll get to see the rest of Ben Stein. Steven Crowder's full show, which is enough in itself to sign up, and a whole lot more. I'm telling you, it's the best money to spend on the internet. guitar solo I'm out.