The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden and CDC's "MASK-R-RADE" | Nick Di Paolo Show #578

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

Make Me A Sandwich. Ebay Psychos. Stroke Me, Stroke Me.

Hi boys and girls, Nick DiPaolo here. Free speech lives right here on the Nick DiPaolo Show. I'm grateful to be able to do this show my way, and I'm only able to do it my way because of your generous contributions. Please go to nickdip.com or click the link on thecomicsgym.com and contribute today to keep this show and our speech free. Thank you so much. If you have a piece of crack cocaine no bigger than this quarter that I'm holding in my hand,

one quarter of one dollar, we passed a law through the leadership of Senator Thurman and myself and others, a law that says if you're caught with that, you go to jail for five years. You get no probation. You get nothing other than five years in jail. Judge doesn't have a choice. Under our forfeiture statutes, you can, the government can, take everything you own, everything from your car to your house, your bank account, not merely what they confiscate in terms of the dollars

from the transaction that you just got caught engaging in. They can take everything. I don't care why they become a sociopath. We have an obligation to cordon them off from the rest of society. They are in jail. Away from my mother. You say your mother, Grammy? She's right downstairs in the kitchen. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what that sound means. Welcome to the big show on a Wednesday.

Oh, Wednesday. How you doing, folks? Great to be with you again. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. There's so much footage of Biden contradicting himself. And just it's priceless.

It's friggin priceless. I just read the headlines every day and I can't believe I forgot to grab clips of the hearing yesterday. I got one that we're going to show you quickly. You know, Pelosi's big investigation into January 6th, this big political fucking theater she's putting on to chase white supremacists that don't exist. Still waiting for Biden and you to name some groups specifically and names as the fucking half of South and Central America pour in over our border. This is what you focused on, you dickheads. Fucking COVID. That's the other thing. Somebody tells you to put on a mask, say, I will when I see somebody

coming over the border with one on, okay? Can you imagine filthy fucks coming over? A lot of them have COVID. They didn't have vaccines in these shitholes. And the government, your government, putting them on a bus or a plane and landing them in your town. And they want you to put on a mask.

You, the fucking taxpaying citizen of the United States, kiss my fucking ass. That's the biggest chunk of hypocrisy out there right now coming out of the Biden administration. That one. And I'm going to make a prediction. They're going to come up with some excuse. They're going to have a meeting and go, boy, this keeps coming up. We have to fucking come up with a lie for this. You know, just say we're chucking them. They're fine. Give me a break, could you? Anyways, the aforementioned Capitol January 6th hearings yesterday, I didn't even, maybe I'll grab them for tomorrow. They had Adam Kinzinger actually crying. I've never seen acting like this in my life. And guess who else?

Fucking Adam Schiff, literally bawling, getting all choked up. And calls the, he actually said, and in this country when we, when people don't look like us, we call them, you know, hateful names and traitors. He's calling us traitors. Shift. Anyways, Capitol Hill officer reveals the headline said how racist Trump supporters are. I'm going to change it to how racist he is. You ever hear a black dude just from his voice and his tone and his look. Nick, you judging by that? Yes, I am. How much he hates white people. This guy is just a thug dressed up in a Capitol Police uniform, in my opinion.

But I can just tell by his tone, this guy hates whitey. And that's who they hire. That's who Biden and Pelosi love. Just this guy's voice, he sounds like a thug. And people actually had the gall to have MAGA hats on during the insurrection. You know, the insurrection where nobody had weapons, only one person was killed, an innocent Trump supporter, woman, veteran, climbing through a window. Remember that horrible day they're comparing to 9-11 where 3,000 people died? They're comparing it to the Civil War?

You fucking people are disgusting. And so is this bald piece of shit. Roll it. No fucking way. More and more insurrectionists were pouring into the area by the Speaker's lobby. And some wearing MAGA hats and shirts that said Trump 2020 oh no I told him to just leave the Capitol and in response they yelled no man this is our house President Trump invited us here pause it was right about the first part it is our house Trump invite who wrote this

script was this Pelosi did she get together with some people from a sitcom on BET and fucking put this together? Go ahead. Yeah. We're here to stop the steal. Joe Biden is not the president. Nobody voted for Joe Biden. Correct and correct. I'm a law enforcement officer.

He's sniffing. He's crying. I do my best to keep politics out of my job. Pause. You're a law enforcement officer. He's sniffing. He's crying. I do my best to keep politics out of my job. Pause. You're a lying piece of shit. You do your best to keep politics in the job

and you're going to show that with the next couple statements. Good. But in this circumstance, I responded. Well, I voted for Joe Biden. Does my vote not count? Pause.

Am I? So you voted for Joe Biden. They didn't say nobody voted for him. Or maybe they did. But if you did vote, you just said you weren't political. Why'd you bring it up during the fucking insurrection when they said Trump, and Trump didn't tell him to go there. That's been debunked.

But that's him going, I'm not political, but I voted for Biden. Go ahead. Nobody. Oh, he's so. That prompted a torrent of racial epithets. One woman in a pink MAGA shirt yelled, You hear that, guys? This s*** voted for Joe Biden. Pause. He says this. The woman said this n***a voted for Joe Biden.

It was probably Marjorie Taylor Greene. I'm kidding. You know who it was? Probably one of the FBI informants or one of the many Antifa people that were involved in it. But, you know, what theater this is, what horseshit. And, you know, CNN's running this on a loop. Go ahead. Then the crowd, perhaps around 20 people, joined in screaming.

People, people, 20 people. people joined in screaming boo! No one had ever, ever called me a **** while wearing the uniform of a Capitol Police officer. Pause. No one's ever called him an N while wearing a Capitol Police officer. Right, and it took

an insurrection probably lined up by the FBI and the people who were saying that you, again, weren't Trump supportive. And why are you saying that, Nick? I'll tell you why. Do you remember John Lewis? I think he's dead now. Civil rights hero. Do you remember a couple of years ago he was going up the steps or like five years ago, him, Pelosi, a bunch of people. And there were a bunch of I think it was Tea Party people. Supposedly, he said they spit on him and called him the N-word. And somebody rich from the right, maybe not from, it might have been Larry Flint, somebody who had millions of dollars, put up a reward. I think it was somebody that votes Republican, saying they'd put up a million dollars or 100,000 of their own money if you could find audio of somebody calling them the N-word, and they couldn't.

So I'll take your word for it, officer. Partisan hack. Go ahead. That's it. He took one last breath. One last. Yeah, he was so, so in distress that day. What absolute political theater this is.

And you know, Jim Jordan and this guy Banks, two hardcore righties who didn't vote to certify the election for Biden, you know that they were going to be on this committee, right? McCarthy appointed them, a couple of Republicans, and Pelosi wouldn't hear of it. Really looking for the truth, huh? So McCarthy said, fuck you, we're sending nobody. So don't believe any of this shit. I don't believe a fucking word of it. I do believe maybe somebody called him that, but I guarantee it was Rebel Rouses from

the other side helping in the staging of January 6th. He just sounded like a thug to me. Oh, they called him the N-word when he had his cop uniform on. These blacks. Who knows where they're gonna take the wrong way you're lying and you're a piece of shit it's unbelievable who they've who pelosi and biden have staffed as security and shit and we know and forget capital police how

about you got millie a general in the military they're more woke than blm for christ's sake we are heading towards banana republic let's move on to the liar and chief himself i want you to picture trump remember how they counted this guy they were counting his lies every day he never told whoppers like Biden. And he's only been in the office, what, four months, five months? I don't know. Biden actually said, this was back in May, only in May.

If you're fully vaccinated, you no longer need to wear a mask. He said that on May 13th. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, CDC, on Tuesday recommended that even vaccinated people go back to wearing masks while indoors as the coronavirus Delta variant sweeps through the United States. Who didn't see this coming? You need to shut the fuck up. Was I supposed to show the clip already? No. Okay.

The guidance was seemingly abrupt, a reversal from guidance the agency issued in April when it eased mask wearing guidelines for the outdoors. Under those recommendations, Americans who were fully vaccinated did not have to cover their faces unless they were in large crowds. A month later, just count these flip-flops. The CDC a month later eased its guidance further for the fully vaccinated, saying that mask wearing was not absolutely necessary in crowds and in most indoor settings. Here is the fake president doing what he does best, reading lies off a teleprompter that were written for him.

Listen to his energy level here. He sounds like he's a fucking a day away from death. Go ahead. CDC is saying they have concluded that fully vaccinated people are at a very, very low risk of getting COVID-19. Liar, liar. Therefore, if you've been fully vaccinated, you no longer need to wear a mask. Let me repeat. If you are fully vaccinated, you no longer need to wear a mask.

Mm-hmm. You no longer need to wear a mask. Mm-hmm. This is fun. You're such a liar. Don't you see what's going on, folks? Got nothing to do with the virus. This is all controlling your life. And I blame you assholes who still wore a mask even after the mandates were waived.

And when he said shit like this, you still kept them on just to virtue signal or let us know you voted for Biden or whatever the fuck. And I'm telling you, the idiots who organized this looked out there and go, look at this, they're still wearing them. This is going to be easy. Let's put in phase two of the program.

You're being played like a fiddle. We've forgotten what this is all about. It's a fucking flu. unless you're fat and old. Oh, people, people, people, shut off your TVs, please. Play with your kids. Do something. The guidance still recommended that masks be worn in crowded indoor settings like buses, planes, and hospitals, but it cleared the way for reopening workplaces and other venues. Additional guidance said fully vaccinated people did not have to wear masks at schools. These recommendations came as death and hospitalizations were on the decline,

but then the Delta variant hit. Is that the best name they could come up with? At the beginning of the summer, a mutated, more transmissible version of the common cold of the coronavirus began spreading across the country, especially in areas with low vaccinated rates, which is also a big lie. Now they're turning this into, you know, people who voted for Trump. This is what CNN, MSNBC traffic said. They pit us against each other. And it's totally bullshit.

Half the people that work in government agencies, 50% of them are unvaccinated. People who work with the public, too. But they're saying it's rubes that live in, you know, Ohio and Oklahoma and, you know, Trump supporters. Especially in areas with low vaccination rates. Weren't we just watching Florida for the last six months defy all this shit? And everybody was going there and everybody's fined. But they keep moving the goalposts and you people just keep nodding along. That's your world.

I just live in it. Yeah, that's the problem. Now the CDC says the Delta variant can spread even among those who have been vaccinated. I'm so glad I didn't get vaccinated because I'm scared of the vaccine. I don't give a fuck. And turns out if you did, you were dumb enough to get it. I don't blame old people and unhealthy people, even though again, I don't know. You're going to put your mask back on now. That's what they said yesterday. So now you've been jabbed with shit

that's probably not good for you and you have to keep your mask on. So I'm winning 1-0. It is recommending that regardless of vaccination status, teachers, staff, students, and visitors at schools wear masks while indoors. Even after we got all this information, and this is fact collected for the last year, that masks hurt little kids mentally, emotionally.

It's really bad. Teenagers, suicides went up, all that shit, but fuck it. Put them back on. It's just about dividing us. It's working beautifully. The CDC's latest guidance applies in parts of the country experiencing at least 50 new cases per 100,000 people. Ooh, ooh. In the week prior, guidance that applies to 60% of U.S. counties, it says. As of Tuesday, the United States is averaging more than 57,000 cases a day and 24,000 COVID-19 hospitalizations. Yeah?

A lot of people dying now? Oh. Mm-hmm. The agency has not published the data on which it is relying. Of course not. Fuck. But CDC director Rochelle Smith and Walensky,

getting sick of her puss too, said it was concerning enough that we feel like we have to act. Mind your business. Get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Oh, that's not nice. Unsurprisingly, the guidance has been polarizing. That's what nice. Unsurprisingly, the guidance has been polarizing. Some that's what they want. Some public health experts are broadly in favor of masks, but felt the CDC did a disservice by not issuing a call for Americans to document their vaccination status.

In turn, giving free reign for the unvaccinated to do what they want. But here it comes, folks. You know how we did a story yesterday about France, and now you're going to have paperwork and, you know, passports saying you're vaccinated, all that shit. Well, it's coming to a theater near you. And that's what this is, theater, by the way. It was completely foreseeable that when they, the CDC,

made their announcement, masking would no longer be the norm. And that's exactly what happened. Lawrence Gustin, a public health law professor at Georgetown University, said, meanwhile, Rep. Lauren Boebert, seen here, Republican Colorado quipped that the CDC ought to change its name to the Senate of Demented Confusion. That's a good one. I'm going to break a fucking rib lapping. Although she's right. And I say it's all by design. They want to keep you guessing and confused.

That way we'll be at each other's throats while they're doing shit with China. While fucking Joe's jerking off he's in ping. South Dakota governor and my future second wife, Chris, Christy Noem, a Republican, said her office wouldn't be mandating any mass rule. I love this broad. She went a little nuts on the transgender thing. I didn't get her take on that, but she's not going to be mandating any mask rules and accuse the CDC of being inconsistent. You are correct. And then she stared at me with those eyes.

She looks like an Indian. The CDC shifts their position again, Noam wrote on Twitter. South Dakota's cases remain low. If you're worried about the virus, here's where she sounds great. You're free to get vaccinated. Wear a fucking mask, I added fuck, or stay at home. But we won't be mandating anything. And the CDC's inconsistency doesn't help the American people, said my lovely girl. I love you for helping me to construct my life. Not a tavern.

I'm going to move to Dakota. Look it, she's looking right at me. Hi. You have done so much. Hi. To make me happy. Christy, hello, it's Nick DiFallo. Will you come on my show?

What? Without a touch. Without a sign. Why not? I'm not a stalker. Will you come on my show? What? Why not? I'm not a stalker. All right, just mail me your panties. Was it, is she North Dakota or South Dakota? North Dakota.

That's what they get. Who do we get? Van Jones. Back up, back up Singapore the Supreme. Did you guys know that? We have a black mayor who's originally from Brooklyn, running Savannah. So naturally, he's all in on putting a mask on, taking it off,

and keeping it, keeping the confusion, keeping that ball in the air, keeping us angry at each other, a big distraction. And they're blaming, like I said, they're blaming people who vote like us, because that's what CNN does best. Ugh, let's move on before I poopoo blood. Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich. Shut up and make me a sandwich tonight. COVID-19 may be just a few mutations away from being able to evade vaccines. Here comes another one down the pipe.

CDC director Dr. Rochelle Walensky warned on Tuesday. I'm getting sick of her lies, too. Shut your fucking mouth. Shut the fuck up, you cunt! Don't call her that. She's just doing her job with Fauci, the little fucking Hitler propaganda guy. He's making a ton of money.

Oh, so there's another... That's what she's worried about now. It's almost like they're foreshadowing, telling you we're going to be wearing these masks. You guys are going to be wearing them forever until we tell you it's safe. Walensky has a great steakhouse with her husband, Billy Smith, said the current vaccines are effective against severe cases of the coronavirus, including those caused by its known variants, but it's continuing to spread, could allow the disease to mutate

beyond the immunization's protection. In other words, get immune now, get that jab now, and we'll kill it before it can turn into something that we can't handle. That's a good one. This is like a reality show where you can see the plot points sticking out a mile away. The largest concern that I think we in public health and sciences are worried about is that virus and potential mutations have the potential to evade our vaccine in terms of how it protects us from severe disease and death. Yeah, you mean the severe disease and death that people have a 99.96 survival rate if they're not obese and type 9 diabetes? obese and type 9 diabetes walensky said at a press briefing she's giving me a headache she's giving me a headache yeah she's just doing her job i can just hear the phone calls of the

white house in the morning and new york times is involved right now she says fortunately we are not there these vaccines operate really well. We should be blowing Donald Trump, but nobody's bringing him up, said Nick. She says they're operating really well and protecting us from severe disease and death. But the big concerns is the next area that might emerge, just a few mutations potentially away. Well, if you keep Fauci out of it in the Wuhan lab, we'll be all right, could potentially evade our vaccines. Yeah. Well, whose fault is that? It's them. They don't know what they're doing. You can't be this confused on an issue. It has to be intentional. You can't say you do this for a living and you're an expert. Think about Fauci and the shit he's told us.

can't say you do this for a living and you're an expert. Think about Fauci and the shit he's told us. This guy is flip and flop like fucking Hillary when she runs for president. Just, I'm sorry, it's all a plot. Go to Rockefeller, org, lockstep, whatever the hell I've been telling you to do. The agency chief said the possibility is even more reason for people to get vapped. Boy boy are they pushing this huh it's like when i fucking diet coke came out they have a bigger advertising budget than the my pillow guy um so people should get vaccinated so the virus can finally be off uh we can cut it off the past she says before it mutates into something that requires another vaccine and more billions to be made. Do you know how many billionaires have been made in the pharma industry?

When I say pharma, I'm not talking about somebody, you know, milking fucking cows and blowing chickens in Oklahoma. I'm talking about pharma, pharmaceutical. In Boston, we say a pharma, pharma Joe. In Boston, we say a farmer, farmer Joe. The CDC on Tuesday issued new indoor mask guidelines designed to help slow the spread of the virus, but pick up the pace of the confusion, said Nick. So it's supposed to slow the spread of the virus and places experience in surges in cases in areas with substantial and time transmission, CDC recommends fully vaccinated people, get this folks, wear masks in public, indoor settings. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it.

To help prevent the spread of the Delta variant and protect others, Walensky said, referring to the highly contagious strain that compromises an estimated 83% of new cases nationwide. So they're telling you, remember, if you're vaccinated. Now, why would I get vaccinated? Now, knowing that you people who've been vaccinated, they're telling you that you have to put a mask on, that apparently it doesn't work. So why would you send that message out and just reinforce

what I believe is that I'm not getting it? That must mean that further down the road, they're going to require documents and passports like France is doing. Put it all together. Aren't you people pissed you got the jab? And you got it. Why? Because you were told, like the clip

we showed, you weren't going to have to wear a mask anymore. So why the fuck would I go get a jab I don't believe in, knowing I'm going to have to put a mask on anyways? Health officials have stressed that rising coronavirus case numbers in the U.S. are being driven by unvaccinated Americans, which is the biggest fucking lie going right now.

Problem? You're the fucking problem. You fucking Dr. Y, onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble, I'm telling you, H. You keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground, I promise you. Not this time. Don't worry, unvaccinated people. People have masks on.

Oh, they don't work? Oh. Currently, people who are not vaccinated are responsible for around 99.5% of COVID-19 deaths and 97% of hospitalizations, officials said. Excuse me. Those are the same officials that think Dr. Fauci was the final word in all this shit. Don't listen.

Anytime you read an article and you see officials say, experts say, circle that. What officials? The guy behind the plate at the Sox game last night? NBA refs? Who are you talking about exactly? Mention who's saying that. It's a world full of psychos. Yeah. Am I the only one that's never bought anything on eBay and don't even know how to, although my wife's like a fucking black belt. Why am I saying that? Well, eBay is in the news and not for good. eBay Psychos headline, a former supervisor.

What is that, the rainbow? A former supervisor for security operations at eBay Inc. was sentenced on Tuesday to 18 months in the slammer for his role in cyber-stalking campaign that targeted a Massachusetts couple whose online newsletter was viewed as critical of the e-commerce company. Once again, high-tech so-called elites bullying the average person. So a couple was unhappy and and wrote a they have a newsletter this guy got wind of it he's really really sticking up for that company what a psycho federal prosecutors in boston said philip cook a retired police captain. Does it scare you that, well, he's retired now,

but a guy like this has the, you know, the mind of like an eight-year-old, tit for tat vengeance, I'm going to get you back mentality, and he wore a badge. I wonder how many people he framed. A retired police captain in Santa Clara, California, and other employees participated in a scheme

to harass the couple through Twitter and by sending them disturbing packages, including live cockroaches. Oh my goodness. How do I get that? My wife's birthday is coming up. U.S. District Judge Allison Burroughs, seen here. She also is known as the woman in jars who slapped the sheriff across the face. Mrs. Kittner, I believe. I found out that a week ago a girl was murdered here. And you knew about it. Still, still my boy is dead.

And you... She's wrong, Martin. No, she's not. I do little plays for you guys. That's Allison Burroughs, former tight end for the Philadelphia Eagles. Called the employee's actions really abominable as she sentenced Cook, who must also serve a year of home detention, which we will all be doing because of the variant coming back, and pay 15 large.

That's a $15,000 fine. She said, the judge, it's almost unfathomable, as she adjusted her cup, it's almost unfathomable to me. Barros said, I'm not sure if I saw it on television, I would find it believable. We were terrified victim. Ines Steiners, uh-oh. It was a Jewish couple. They know how to complain. You guys know I fucking, please.

I defend Israel. I love Jewish, but you know that. Fuck it. So, well, let me explain it to you. You're my fans. You don't give a fuck. But I would want to get a letter from Einar Steiner. Jewish people are professional

complainers. They're very good at it. So am I. I'm not even Jewish, but they're very good at it. Ever hear the joke when the waiter walks over to a table of Jews at a restaurant and he goes, is anything all right here? Jewish kid goes to his dad, dad, I need 50 bucks. His father goes, 40 bucks? What do you need 30 bucks for? Thank you very much. Good night, everybody. Anyways, poor Einarna the old Jewish lady we were terrified victim Ina Steiner said

Cook that's the cop Mr. Cook hates Jews hates Jews a former supervisor of security operations at eBay's European

and Asian offices was the first of seven wow it was a big plot seven former eBay workers who have been charged in the case to be sentenced four others have also pleaded guilty prosecutors said cook participated in august 2019 planning meeting in which ebay employees discussed targeting the couple with threatening messages what is going on in this goddamn world? Honestly. It's not going to be long before you all kill yourselves because you're all crazy.

Unwanted deliveries. They sent unwanted deliveries to poor Ina like a bloody Halloween pig mask. That's very offensive to Jewish people. I don't think they can eat pork. Some of the, you know, the ones that follow those rules. Those rules. I think it's a two-minute penalty.

Anyways, they sent a bloody Halloween pig mask. That's fucking mean. And covert surveillance. How were they surveilling them? With eBay? I don't know. They did so after two top executives, including former chief executive Devin Winnig, expressed frustration with the newsletter.

E-commerce bites, according to prosecutors, and a lawsuit that the couple filed. He was upset about both of those, the newsletter. And apparently, does this guy have his boot on the throat of his employees? It's like Corleone's. And this guy, you know, his employees are like, we can't let the boss down. Cork and Court said he should have sought to prevent what became horrific behavior to please the boss.

So you admit you're an ass kisser. Who's your fucking boss, huh? Who's your fucking boss? Mr. Nenum, but Negum, anyways. Can you imagine that? That's why I, I, I get all my,

I buy my shit, you know, the market on Facebook, they call it. I wouldn't know how to purchase a fucking, well, that's not true. I actually bought a used couch once.

And, anyways, it broke when I sat on it. Back to the disgusting country that we live in right now, but it'll be all right, folks. How this doesn't end in civil war is beyond me. Olympic knows who's watching them, by the way. Nobody. I saw hockey scores. Can somebody explain this to me matt you watch olympics no he said proudly i saw hockey scores it said hockey is that field hockey because i know you don't play hockey in the Summer Olympics, but under the Olympics, the coverage,

the thing went by that said hockey, but then it said like Nigeria 3, fucking Afghanistan 1. I don't remember the NHL drafting anybody from Bagram, but here's the big story out of the Olympics, and the headline is Biles Bales. You know Simone Biles, supposedly the greatest gymnast on the planet right now. After Simone Biles withdrew from the 2021 Tokyo Olympics on Tuesday, she delivered a message, and this was the headline. Instead of poo-pooing her,

saying how could she, we just protect black, famous black people to the, it's on a level I can't even comprehend. She delivered a message to her teammates to motivate them prior to squaring off against the Russian. What better way to motivate your team before squaring off against the Russians than to quit? Before squaring off against the Russian Olympic Committee in the gymnastics team final, here's her.

She decides, and it wasn't an injury. It wasn't a physical thing. It was mentally, I don't know if she couldn't handle the pressure, but this is what they choose to show, making her out to be. And I get a couple takes on this, okay? But here's her right before she decides not to do this, to do this event and hugging her teammates and encouraging them. That makes her good, I guess.

Go ahead. I'm sorry. I love you guys. But it's going to be just fine. I love you. You guys have turned into a whole entire life for this. It's fine. I've been to an Olympics.

I'll be fine. This is your first. You go out there and kick ass, okay? She said, I've been to the Olympics before. This is your first. You guys will be fine. There's no crying in gymnastics. I'm sorry.

She says, I love you guys but you're gonna be just fine she told her teammates you guys have trained your whole entire life for this it's fine I've been to an Olympics I'll be fine this is your first go out there and kick ass today the United States came away with the silver, even without her, in the competition, which means they probably would have won gold after her withdrawing from the event. So that was the big story. So it's a big story because it wasn't an injury-related reason. Biles, who was still eligible to compete in the individual all-around, if I was the coach, I'd go, no, you're not.

How about that? Even if she said she was fine. No. Seriously. It'd be like Billy Martin when Reggie Jackson fucking loafed after a fly ball at Fenway. I was at that game. He called Reggie Jackson. I was in the bleachers.

I could see it. Sitting in the bleachers, the $3 seats. He calls Reggie Jackson right I was in the bleachers. I could see it. Sitting in the bleachers, the $3 seats. He calls Reggie Jackson right in the middle of the inning, calls him in to replace him because he didn't. He dogged it on a fly ball. And I'm looking at Reggie going to the dugout. Next thing you know, Billy Martin's trying to get at him. There's three.

That's what I would do with her. Anyways, she told reporters she wasn't injured, but she was dealing with a few things. No injury, thankfully, she said, and that's why I took a step back because I didn't want to do something silly out there and get injured. Yeah, but how about the rest of your teammates, Biles said.

And this type of psychobabble flies, unfortunately. She said that on olympics.com. I thought it was best that these girls took over and did the rest of the job, which they absolutely did. They're Olympic silver medalists. They should be really proud of themselves for how well they did. Why would anybody be listening to her right now? Who gives a fuck what you think? Biles also talked about the stress that had been put on her and her teammates' shoulders. It's been a really

stressful Olympic Games as a whole. Not having an audience, there are a lot of different variables going into it. It's been a long weekend. Oh, boy, you. It's been a long

Olympic process slash year. I think we're a little bit too stressed. What's this we shit? We're a little too stressed out. We should be out here having fun, which it looks like our teammates are. And sometimes that's not the case, she said.

The gymnast said her main inspiration, get this. Now, this was my take on it, all right? Well, I'll give it to you at the end. The gymnast said her main inspiration for focusing on her well-being was tennis ace Naomi Osaka, who shocked fans by pulling out of this year's French Open and skipping Wimbledon on the grounds of stress triggered by the mandatory press conferences after each match. You're entitled to shit. So that's what she used as an inspiration. Another black woman who quit.

Or Japanese. I don't know. Osaka sounds Japanese. But the picture, I guess it doesn't matter the skin. I'm saying she used another quitter as inspiration. She probably loved that the story blew up and this woman got all kinds of ink. Let me tell you something, folks. love that the story blew up and this woman got all kinds of ink. Let me tell you something, folks.

In sports, the worst thing you can do is quit, especially on your teammates and especially on the world stage, in my opinion. Biles also follows in the footsteps. Now, here's what they try to, here comes the equivocation. Here's what they try to go. You know, it's not just women of color during, you know, Biles also follows in the footsteps of 23-time Olympian gold medalist Michael, first of all, 23? 23 medals? Is that right? Okay. So, first of all, don't even compare the two on any side. Saying, yeah, she's following in his footsteps.

Phelps, who revealed in 2018 he suffers from depression and crippling anxiety. Yeah, but he didn't do it during the games. He won a million medals. Why are you comparing it to him? Biles' path to Olympic glory has been a challenging one. Here's a look back at the times, and I didn't list them all. Biles has been open about her mental health struggles, including her childhood experience living with ADHD and the abuse she suffered at the hands of disgraced gymnastics trainer,

that piece of shit, Larry Nassar. So here's where I might give her a break, because she was molested by that fucking sick doctor like a lot of gymnasts were. You know what I mean? Who knows? Maybe her stress level, maybe there is a, but she's gotten this far. She had to go through Olympic trials and shit. So, you know, I don't know what to make of this. She grew up, I guess, her mother was a drug addict in and out of jail.

And she grew up, you know, she didn't have a good home life. You can bring all that into it, but she's achieved all this. You know what I mean? Now, here's my take. It'll be popular with my fans, but nobody else. She's sticking it to Whitey. Oh, Nick, come on. Why would she?

It's just another way of protesting, of kneeling during the national anthem or turning your back on the United States. Maybe not, but you have to admit that crossed your mind. I noticed all her teammates were white, too. Oh, Nick, will you cut? I will not! I will not!

I will not! Turned her back on her country. Keep up making excuses. And the headlines infuriated me. Biles encourages. That's literally what it said. Biles encourages her teammates. That doctor.

Imagine that doctor, that piece of shit, though. Boy, is he getting it in prison. I hope they put him in general. Somebody's opening his ass like a ripe honeydew in the shower right now. Oh, Nick, that's gross. Let's move on to some more stuff. Here's a little light one that my producer Matthew found. Stroke me, stroke me.

Stroke me, stroke me. Stroke me, stroke me. You're going to like this one. The unnamed 50. Matt, those headlines, is there any way of when you send them to me, they're like vertical and they're huge? Oh, you mean in the emails? Yeah. Yeah, sometimes it just.

Is that how they come out? Because I can't. I can just type them, but I copy and paste them and they get all fucked up. Well, this guy supposedly jerked off so much that he almost died from a stroke. That was the headline. If it hasn't happened to me,

I don't think it's going to happen to anybody. But do you ever do that? You're like, before you give it a tug, you're like, Jesus Christ, what if... Lenny Clark actually had a bit about this like 20 years ago. What if...

He goes, yeah, what if you die in your bed and your fucking, you know, parents come in and you... The unnamed 51-year-old right-handed man. Why'd they put that? Like he's a fucking cleanup hitter for the Phillies. Right-handed man from Japan admittedly enjoyed pleasuring himself several times a day. Hey, who doesn't? I'll have a donut right after lunch.

I don't know why we picked this fucking picture because masturbation is second to what you're showing. Look at those. That's that Russian kid who almost died. Anyways, no,

he didn't pull his prick off with his right arm. Enjoyed pleasuring himself several times a day, according to the new case study published in the medical journal of stroke. Isn't that ironic? Stroke and a cerebrovascular disease. So this guy's got a little bit of a problem, huh?

Could I be happier? Yeah. Yeah. Who couldn't? However, one explosive self-love session went awry. How many people have had this happen, Ed? After climaxing, the serial stroker was struck down by thunderclap headaches and severe vomiting.

I don't feel good. Unnerved by the unsexy symptoms, the man rushed himself to Nagoya City University Hospital, which is the best for people who give it a yank, where he was found to have low blood pressure and confusion. Maybe Biden's been yanking it all this time. Two telltale signs of a cerebrovascular accident, according to the medical case study. Emergency medical technicians suspected he had a stroke while stroking. And subsequent CAT scans confirmed that the man had indeed suffered a subarcanoid hemorrhage.

That's an SAH. A potentially fatal type of stroke. That's why I watch my salt all week before I give it a tug on Saturday. A fatal type of stroke sparked by ruptured blood vessels in the space surrounding the brain. Prior cases have reported that sex, including the autoerotic variety, which I love. You ever do that? Tie a necktie. And anyways, put on your wife's nylon.

Yeah, tie it on. Was the immediate preceding activity before eruption aneurysm in up to 14% of patients, according to clinical neuropsychologist Dr. Amy Beard, author of Sex and the Brain. You know, like sex in the city. Is that her? That's her. I'll tell you. She's got Karl Malden's nose, but she looks very bright. How Your Brain Controls Your Sex Life.

That's a book she put out, Columbia University Press. It was terrific. The risk of death by sex-induced stroke can be compounded by taking cocaine or Viagra. Wait a minute. I do both. It's the only way I can have sex now. What I do is I get an eight ball and I grind up Viagra and I cut the coke with the Viagra. I learned this on a Hunter Biden website thing.

to coke with the Viagra. I learned this on a Hunter Biden website thing. So this can happen if you take cocaine or Viagra before the act. The man survived his near-fatal orgasm ordeal and was released from the hospital within two weeks in excellent condition, according to the

doctors. Bye-bye, dickhead. He's in excellent condition. I'm not... I eat right and exercise.. He's in excellent condition. I'm not... I eat right and exercise. I'm not in excellent condition. Who's that actor? Talking to the thing.

The thing. I'm talking into the thing. Do you remember who that actor was? Was it the dude from Kung Fu? Yes. The guy jerking off his hand. One of the Carradines. Yes.

Yes, with, like like woman stockings. And the lead singer for In Excess. Yeah. Also did it. So I'm going to give it a shot if things get too bad with this kitchen. I can't take the noise. I have a, my best joke in my act right now is about how these, you know, my young comedian, I probably mentioned it on the show.

If you guys saw me live, I did it. You know, how these young women now like to, well, you fucked them, they like to be choked, which wasn't around when I was in it, you know. But I said, I've choked women in every room but the bedroom. I'm in the kitchen. You call that al dente? Anyways, let's end on that note.

How embarrassing for the poor Japanese man. But at least he didn't quit. Ms. Biles. That is it, guys. Remember thecomicsgym.com, the permanent home of this show. Nickdip.com. Both places you can sign up for monthly or make daily contributions. And please do that.

Please. We need your help. We really do. Cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative really do a cameo.com if you want me to roast a friend or relative go to cameo.com click on my profile tell me about the person I'll make a videotape a minute minute half long on my phone and we'll send it to them and really give them or her a real grilling it's a lot of fun that is it I get a gig in the middle of August at Cohoes Theater

up near Albany, New York so hope to see you guys there you guys think it I'll say it you're very welcome we'll see you back here tomorrow at the same time take care guitar solo Outro Music