The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden Bad for Blue | Nick Di Paolo Show #658

Episode Date: February 8, 2022

Carville advocates punching unvaccinated. Murdered police highest since '95. Pelosi on knees for China. Mark Lye cancelled. A Fla woman... Smooth criminal.

I am so sick and tired of the liberal agenda that is destroying our country from our schools to our workplaces to our media. It's literally everywhere. Well, everywhere maybe, but not this show. Never. Here you get the truth, unfiltered and unapologetic. I don't care if I hurt feelings or if I take a position that isn't agreeable or if I step on somebody's toes, I call them the way I see them and I put it out there for free. To keep this show free, I need your help. Please go to nickdip.com and make a contribution or even better, subscribe at thecomicsgym.com or on Patreon today and get an extra encore show each day. Discounts on merchandise and a whole lot more. Thank you guys so much for watching, sharing, and contributing

to the best show, in my opinion, on the internet and the most honest. You guys make it happen. guitar solo Hi everybody. Excuse me. Welcome to the show. How are you? Today we have some great egg salad recipes and we're going to talk about all kinds of stuff. I can't wait to get to it. Finally, I'm having my annual physical today, so at least somebody will stick their finger in my ass. I'll guarantee that much. It's never a fucking broad. I'm some guy in his 60s. Where's the fucking, where's the doctors I see in the porn flicks, the nurses, giant tits. Anyways, what else?

Real quick. What did I do? I was up until 2.30 watching a downhill skiing. I've got to tell you, if I could come back as anything, I've only skied, you know, a dozen times in my life, but there's something about being in a tucked position. I don't know how to ski, so I'm in the tucked position. my chin's a foot off the snow and i'm doing you know probably 40 which is no way to um watching these guys last night and they were saying it was kind of slow the wind

they were going 75 but they said the day before in the pre-trials they were hitting 87 on fucking skis. Talk about athletic ability and balance and shit. I just, same with giant slalom, same thing. And that fucking mountain, I'm not even a big Olympics. When I was a kid, I loved the Olympics and in my 20s, and then I stopped for years. But there's nothing else on right now. So, you know, I fucking, and I loved, I always loved downhill. I loved luge. Winter Olympics

to me is way better than the summer. Because people can die. You don't really die if you fall off the balance beam and shit. Or play basketball. How about the luge? Luge guys do 90 on their little sleds. I mean, one mistake and you're fucking beheaded. It's...

Anyways. And the chicks are blowing me away with these freestyle, they have a shed. I don't even know what it's called, but they're snowboarders. And they have like a course that with these jumps that are fucking, they're doing six, seven, eight revolutions. There's a shed that they built, strategically placed with on it? Would they go off the roof? If I was a kid, it looks like literally you're flying. I mean, I was fucking riveted, but especially the downhill. Only one real spill.

But anyways, if I could come back, is that anything? I don't think they get to do as far as being great athletes. You're fucking on skis this wide, and you're doing 80-plus miles an hour, and you go off balance, and you catch yourself. The fuck? I'll tip over a car with doing that. All right, enough to it. Let's get to the goddamn show, Nick.

In the N-word tonight, real quick i want to get off my chest i saw some guys last name is lie l-y-e which is ironic because he's a golf guy whatever anyways he's got a serious rate of sports program and he got fired because he was talking about women's basketball and i'm paraphrasing wmba and he said uh he goes when i'm watching that somebody get me a gun i'm paraphrasing, WNBA, and he said, he goes, when I'm watching that, somebody get me a gun, I'm paraphrasing, and how horrible it is and stuff. But he also said how great female golf is and blah, blah, blah. But no, that's not enough when you're a white heterosexual male to have an opinion that's negative about women, if you want to call the WNBA women. That's where we are, though.

If you want to know why political correctness was invented, it was to shut up white, straight, mostly Christian males. And we've fucking enough already. Enough. Can we start fighting back? Everybody start dropping I can't say it. Just speak your goddamn mind

and let the cards fall where they may. And if you get fired, take it into your own hands. That's all I got to say. God damn it, I'm sick of this world. All right. Let's get on with the show. Well, we're waiting.

Yeah, you're going to keep waiting, dead Ted. All right, and our first story tonight, Democratic strategist James Carville, who looks like a... Oh, he's got a hat on. You take the hat on, he's bald. He looks like a snake with glasses or a penis. Anyways, he's been around forever. I kind of like him, I've got to be honest. He's a around forever. I kind of like him. I got to be honest. He's a Louisiana cracker. He cursed out unvaccinated individuals on his podcast last week, saying anyone without a vaccine was a piece of shit. And he wanted to punch them in the face.

Put them up. Put them up. Wow, that's some real heavy political jargon you're laying on us there. Can you put it in layman's terms, James, how you feel? On Thursday's Politics War Room with James Carville and Al Cunt, Carville and Cunt took a listener question wondering why President Biden would not pass a bill that bars unvaccinated citizens from interstate travel. Really? Let me answer that for you, caller,

because there's something called the Constitution, you shit for brains, and you can't tell Americans where and where they can't go. Can you imagine we have a country now filled with people who are for this type of authoritarian dictatorship, fucking horse shit. I wouldn't be against that at all, Carville said, with his stupid duck hunting accent. Actually, as long as you're put or tested before you get on a plane or a bus or interstate train,

you want to be vaccinated or tested. I don't think the Supreme Court would allow him to do that, Hunt said. And then Carville weighed in. I don't either. I'm a penis with glasses. He says, I don't either. I don't think he should spend much capital trying to get something done that's not going to get passed or get knocked down, Hunt said. that's not going to get passed or get knocked down, Hunt said. Carville continued his stupid rant by suggesting a law giving immunity for anyone. You get immunity if you punch somebody in the face that's unvaccinated. You're a real crumbum. He actually said it. Listen.

All we should do is pass a law to make you immune from liability if you punch some unvaccinated person right in the faces, which I'd really like to do. If you ask me, you know, what's my first reaction to you? If you're not vaccinated and you have any medical reason not to be, you're a piece of shit. OK, I'll just punch you right in the goddamn face. That's the way I look at these people. Agreed. Agreed, are you, Al? At least fuck and Carver was brains behind Clinton.

Agree. Do you really? You agree? You know, when I get friends and shit, look, I'm still not vaccinated. And I love this line of thinking that, oh, you wouldn't have been sick or you wouldn't have been as sick as, first of all, we know people can get it, even vaccinated people, right? But here's the argument. I just had it with my mother in a text. She's like, I, you know, I text her because she had it. And she goes, I didn't know you were

unvaccinated or I would have really been worried. Thanks for the love, Ma. But I said, I'm not the one who has to worry about it. They don't know the long-term effects of the vaccination. We do know some people have developed heart problems already. We do know some people have dropped dead. These aren't fucking false stories, folks. So I don't have to worry about that. You do. You don't know a year from now how that's going to affect you. You think the Chinese did that thinking short term? I sleep like a baby. No, I'm not vaccinated. So I was sick for three weeks, like a lot of people with the flu. I'm just saying. So you want to punch people in the face who have free will in the United States of America in 2022.

But yeah, no, I sleep like a baby. And I saw a creepy story on the internet yesterday. Then it was on Tucker Carlson last night. Actuaries, people who predict how many deaths, how long you're going to live, they work for insurance companies. They have to figure the numbers in. Do you know there's a 40% increase of people in their prime between the ages of 18 and, I think they said 64,

dropping dead at an alarming rate right now? Not saying that it's vaccinated, but they haven't ruled it out. A 40% jump. This is why guys who do this for a living, actuaries, and they said, we've never seen anything like it. They said, nobody's asking the right questions right now. So let that settle in

for you vaccinated know-it-alls. And again, might have nothing to do with it, but all I know is it's one less thing I have to worry about. And I'm all better. Look at me. Going for a physical today. I'm going to score some ivermectin, you know, tie off in the fucking parking lot,

shoot that shit in the head of my cock. Speaking of cocks, headline, Joe Biden bad for the blue. According to an analysis of data collected by the FBI, more police officers were intentionally killed in the line of duty in 2021, office than any other year since 1995 yeah 19 2005 2005 27 years gee you think it has anything to do with the message and joe says i never said defund the play i don't give a fuck all your cronies are the people that are handling you did. You think it's got anything to do with the overreaction to the George Floyd death and the fucking literally 500 riots that took place and CNN and MSNBC and all you other jerk-offs just repeating over and over again how cops are wrong and how they fucking hunt down young.

The whole false narrative of the last three. You think it has anything to do with that? Saying we have to break up the police, reimagine the police? Crime through the fucking roof. No bail now. They go right back on the... You think it has anything to do...

It has everything to do with it. The blood is on... And they can't even fucking admit it. That's why they get you looking over here at something else, distracting you with something else. Fucking Biden's got blood on his hands police blood okay nobody respects the cops which it should be just the opposite in my opinion the fbi's leoka that stands for law enforcement officers killed in action data found 73 officers were intentionally killed in 2021. As the Heartland

Institute pointed out in their analysis of the data, nothing we, it says, noting, we found felonious killings of law enforcement officers skyrocketed in 2020, increased by more than 58.7% in a single year. Nice going, Democrats. Nice going, you fuckstains who voted this jerk off. You didn't. He stole the election. It all fits.

It all fits. And the big lie is that it wasn't stolen. That's the big lie, okay? Learn your fucking Marxist tactics. It's what they do. They call you paranoid. They call you crazy. They call you crazy. They gaslight you. They've been doing it for years.

Put a dick in his hand right now. Put it right in his fucking chopper. In 2021, 73 law enforcement officers were feloniously killed compared to 46 in 2020 and 48 in 2019. Okay? What the hell's going on out here? Just your liberal politics. Jason Johnson, president of the Law Enforcement Legal Defense Fund, told Fox News, we believe it's a combination of George Floyd protest riots, if you will, a general feeling of a preference for less law enforcement,

which is right on the goddamn nose, and less prosecution and less policing. Law enforcement officers have essentially been marginalized and demoralized and cast aside and encouraged not to enforce the law. I dare you to argue with any of those points because, see, you can prove them with a pad and paper and numbers. So we've seen a massive jumps in homicide rate in the cities across America.

Who would have guessed? You take dangerous people, turn them back out on the, I love this, the prisons are too full. What? No, no, no, no. Build more. We have too many. No, we don't. We don't have enough.

That's not how you do it. Oh, it's getting crowded. Crime's through the roof. Don't fucking, and it's a revolving door. I'm so tired of hearing how racist the fucking justice system is. Every brother with a police record is back on the street in three seconds. He and white guys, I don't mean just to say the blacks. You know, the whites are pretty bad. There's some Hispanics in there. You happy now? He added that it's natural rising homicide

rates in major U.S. cities have also resulted in many more officers being assaulted because a lot of leaders in these cities and leaders in Congress and leaders in the White House have really voiced a lack of respect for law enforcement officers. You got that fucking right. This is CNN. The most trusted name in news. Never was.

Especially now. It's hilarious. Do they still play that? I haven't heard it. But then I watched CNN, so. Yeah, you do. You'd love it. Police don't expect you to be supportive if what they've done is wrong, Johnson continued. That's certainly not what we're asking for. What we ask for is that the president and the administration not make a premature judgment

and frankly wrong comments next time a viral video comes out, which is exactly right. You know what I mean? What did Biden this year remember? Oh, how about the black guy that runs down everybody in the parade in Milwaukee, whatever the fuck. Remember? Not even a word, didn't go visit him. Just not even a fucking peep. But during the riots, well, you know, January 6th, we're all white terrorists and shit. It doesn't say shit when they're burning down the cities.

He went to New York. Boy, that was embarrassing. I guess that was while I was sick. When he talked to the cops in New York, just read this boilerplate liberal talking points we've been hearing for 40 years. It's the guns. It's the guns. Anyways, Johnson concluded, until and unless we see some leadership, both in the White House and in individual cities, district attorneys that are willing to hold police accountable, this guy's on the wrong fucking side too. When they're wrong, but are willing to support them when they're right, we're going to continue

to speak up, not only with increasing levels of violent crime but increasing numbers of assaults and the killing of law enforcement officers. You don't have to reimagine the, you have to reimagine the black nuclear family. That's what you have to do.

I'm watching, I won't even say the show, but I'm watching, you can't have an honest discussion about race on TV. You just can't because they come right up to the edge and they can't say what needs to be said at that point that would further the dialogue that we always talk about. They go right up to the fucking edge. And then they won't, they can't,

they just can't have an, because they're going to lose, you know, they get canceled. They lose sponsors and shit. It really is. News on TV is almost fucking useless. It really isn't rocket scientists, what's going on,

and who needs help, and why these, you know. But this country, anyways, fuck it. Let's go on to this filthy whore Pelosi. What's the headline here? Pelosi sucks China's dick? What kind of talk is that? I call it good talk.

I call it family talk. I call it TikTok. Is that racist? Every time I say something racist. Shut up. The Chinese government run Global Times. That's a newspaper I get thrown on my porch every day. A search and a column on Sunday that the House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, Democrat California,

glad you put that in parentheses, newspaper, was right. Listen to this. The Chinese are agreeing. Pelosi was right to tell athletes last week to resist criticizing the Communist Party while competing in the 2022 Beijing Winter Olympics. I'm talking to you face to face, talking to you quietly, because I want to tell you that I think it's important or maybe it's a very big blow.

Oh, you're making me horny. Me love you long time, Ching Flang, Wang Yang. Look at Pelosi hitting herself in the head, that filthy, dirty old lady.

Can you imagine? What does that say about her politics that the Chinese media is going, she's right, keep your mouth shut or we'll hurt you.

Think she has any money bankrolled in Chinese deals or whatever the fuck? She is a cancer and has been on this fucking country forever stick that mallet up you stretched bug what I'm having fun Pelosi a vocal critic of the Chinese government oh really decade decades ago correct advised athletes during a hearing organized by

the Congressional Executive Commission. Can we get more commissions, by the way, in Congress? More levels of bureaucracy that have meetings that are fucking useless and shit? Don't do the people's work. It needs to be blown the fuck up. That's why I'm announcing my run for governor of

Georgia. That's why I have this shirt on organized by congressional executive commission on China last week to focus on competition and ignore human rights activists ignore the Uyghurs and shit she's telling them to ignore that shit so why don't we say to her

next time you bring up slavery or fucking inequities ignore it so what if you black people have it tough Next time you bring up slavery or fucking inequities, ignore it. So what? If you black people have it tough, blah, blah, blah. Let's see your answer with that. See how far that flies.

We can't because the whole press here is on the same side as China's free press, whatever, state press. Focus competition. Ignore human rights activists and Chinese dissidents who have spent over a year urging them to champion the causes of victims of Chinese communism. But she said, don't. Well, you're over there. Just keep your mouth shut. Who said that? Pelosi. Who the fuck said that?

You know who said it. Who's the slimy little communist shit-twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Sound familiar, Dallas? Oh, yeah. This is Pelosi Talk. I would say to our athletes, I can't believe she's still alive. She's going to stick that right in Ilhan Omar's ass.

I would say to our athletes, you are there to compete. Do not risk incurring the anger, fuck you, of the Chinese government because they are ruthless. Not so ruthless that I won't do business with them. What a stinky puss. I know there is a temptation on the part of some to speak out while they are there.

I respect that. First of all, no, you don't. You're all for shutting down conservatives. Shut your fucking hole. Boy, do we have a bunch of lying, ball-less, craven jerk-offs running the country. But I also worry about what the Chinese government might do to their reputations, to their families. What are they going to do, ruin the reputation of a figure skater from, like, fucking Detroit? What?

She asserted. Did she? I kill you. I kill you right now. That's what they'll do to you. I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks? Come over here. Talk to me in the face. Look at some booty. That's the Chinese. That was Xi Jinping

talking. You talk bad of my country. Come over here. Come over here, speed skater. I stick to take up your face. Can you imagine Pelosi actually, how's that feel, Nancy? I bet you that made her all moist, knowing that a Chinese state publication or network is agreeing with her line of thinking. In other words, piss on freedom of speech while you're here.

That's the long game, folks. We have a lot of people that are pretending to represent you that fucking want to do business with China. They say that's the future and shit. Luckily, I'm 59, and I plan on getting AIDS next year when I go to this new bar in town. Did you forget you're 60? Did I forget what?

Did you forget you're 60? What I forget what? What did I say? 59. Did I really? Oh, fuck! Did I say 59? Oh! Alright, I get it already! I get it. See that? I'm already squelching it into my subconscious

As far as stand-up goes This is my new tech. You come out to see me. I show up and I'm funny. Don't worry about material. Seriously, it's the purest form. It's about three of us who can do it. I'm one of them. I'll do an hour off the top of my fucking head and have your shit in your pants. I'm not going to sit down anymore with a pad and pencil

or beat myself up because I didn't do 12 jokes. I don't know. Fucking new toaster. I only want to talk about real shit, and unfortunately, it changes every day. So that's a whole other discussion. But anyways, this story was actually part of the N-word segment. Just to give you a little more detail on this guy, Mark Lye. There's a term in golf.

You have a terrible lie. Is that how you spell it? Probably is. L-Y-E? I don't know. I'm asking a guy who jumps out of planes for a living. Anyways, headline, Mark didn't lie. Get it? I came up with that. i should send it to the new york post

make some money on the side serious serious xm my old employer pga tour host mark lie made an inappropriate comment about the wnba on the air on saturday And he was fired by the end of the weekend because he's a white fella. He's a straight white guy who said something about, well, something honest about the WNBA, which everybody knows is a piece of garbage. There are literally high school teens, male high school basketball teams

that would wipe the floor with them. But they want millions of dollars in shit, and your sister's bug hole, is what I say. You're fired. Yeah, get out. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired.

You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. Yeah. Hey, do we have audio of this? Here's audio of Mr. Lai,

formerly employed at Sirius, and this is why he got canned. I just, the attack, the attack again. I'm trying to name some black people that have been canceled for anything. I can't think of any. I really can't. Go ahead, let's listen to what he had to say. I saw some highlights of ladies' basketball. Man, is there a gun in the house? I'll shoot myself.

Don't watch that. You know, I love watching the men's basketball. I love watching the men's golf. I never used to like watching ladies' golf. But I will tell you this. I've been up close watching these ladies play because i used to have a big function every year called the lucas cup and i'd have lpga players and pga tour players good luck getting some wnba stars to come play i know i know i'm off their list why would you

want wnba play a lot of them play golf maybe i don I don't know. The He-She's could be. Whatever. Basically, what he said is what everybody knows, even a lot of women who play hoop does, that it's painful to watch a WNBA. That's all. But, again, we live in a time now where that's going to get a white guy canceled. Remember Imus saying nappy-headed hoes, that whole fucking controversy, and then he apologized to him in person and shit, and it's just fucking hilarious. Meanwhile, I put on the TV and listened to white, black people using the word white guys and typical white this and that, fucking with impunity. It is just hilarious how fucking hypocritical this whole thing has turned into.

And he's dead on. He didn't say anything dishonest. The WNBA stinks. It's subsidized by the NBA, I think. So 14 lesbians can watch it at home and pretend they're fucking interested. The funniest thing, we should have pulled this. Did you see the clip of the parade, the WNBA champion parade? We showed it on the show a few months ago.

It was a fucking car or a truck or a float going down the street, literally. People just going about their day on the sidewalk. Fucking hilarious. And again, I'm not saying, it's fine. I mean, girls like basketball, you know, you can get scholarships, whatever, you know, feet, just don't get mad when somebody points out the truth about your league. That's all. But I mean, if I had a daughter who wanted to play, you encourage them. It's fun. Sports, basketball is a fucking blast to play. It's my worst sport, by the way. But anyways,

I'm just saying, for him to get canned, they don't even think about it. Amid backlash over his comments, Lai tweeted on Sunday that his comments were not rooted in sexism. I agree, they're rooted in the truth. The fact that I can relate to,

that I can't, he says, relate to WNBA does not make me sexist in any way. All you haters should listen to the whole segment where I completely glorified women's golf. You don't have to. Now he's arguing wrong.

I said nice stuff about female golfers. You don't even have to say that, which he says I love to cover. And why wouldn't you? Anybody seen Paige Sparenik? She's not a pro, I don't even have to say that, which she says I love to cover. And why wouldn't you? Anybody seen Paige Sparenik? She's not a pro, I don't think. But have you ever seen her, Dallas? Paige Sparenik. Look up her Twitter. When I say literally the hottest broad on the planet, period, bar none, and she pretends she golfed. It's so adorable. Anyways, lie confirmed to golf.com.

He was let go by SiriusXM after a company spokesperson told the website lie will no longer be hosting. All right, get up! Yeah! I was terminated about comments made about the WNBA, which I apologize for starting the next segment, Lai said. On Monday, Lai responded to a fan on Twitter who said his comments went too far.

And here we go again. You know, that's some guy, a fan of his. You went too far. You fucking, there is no too far in my world. Shut up. Mind your fucking business and shut up. That's what he should have said. I got that when I

did my tweet. This one didn't get me in trouble or did it. No, it was the shooting in El Paso at the Walmart. They said there's an active shooting going on. So I jumped on Twitter right away.

This was before we knew anybody was dead. And I said, you know, an active shooter, that's the first guy that ever stepped in Walmart whose lifestyle is considered active. Which people, you know, fucking great tweet. But, you know, a couple of, even my fans, you know, that's funny, but the timing is really not good. What? That's what makes it hilarious.

They don't get comedy. Carol Burnett said, what, comedy, whatever something, tragedy plus time equal, whatever the fuck. No, it isn't. It's just the opposite. Jump on those fucking bodies while they're still warm. Doesn't take any balls to say it a year from now when it's irrelevant. But I was arguing with my fans. I said, get the fuck.

Over the line. There is no line. Your line might be right here. Mine might be a mile away, you see? So there is no line. I've heard some horrendous shit. My dad died of fucking Alzheimer's. And I'll tell you, if he was alive

and fucking had his head, he'd be laughing too. And I want people, when I die, laughing their balls off. Seriously, if they're not fucking cracking up at my... If people aren't saying a bunch of horrible shit at my funeral, I'm talking about my comedian friends, if they're still alive, I'll be very disappointed.

Guys are taking life too serious. Anyways, he said to the guy who emailed him saying you went too far, he said, agreed, but not a fireable offense. I don't even think he went too far. He just stated something that everybody knows. It's one of those big lies that we have to, speaking of big lies, it's good basketball if you want

to watch people play three feet under the rim. They still shoot from their chest. And I'm a horrible hoops player, but they still shoot from their chest. I mean, there's some girls that can really bury it, don't get me wrong. I'm just saying, me at 5'9", I think I could slap some of that shit away.

At 60 years of age. But you can the guy for that. And then you just put on the view and listen to how they talk about white men and shit. Yeah, I'm fucking ready to take a blow torch to this whole fucking planet. Let's move on before I shit blood again. No! No! No! No!

In our FLA segment tonight, oh boy, Florida never disappoints, does it? A Palm Bay woman, how many towns begin with the word palm and fucking what? That's what you're doing while you're there in the nursing home. A Palm Bay woman was arrested Sunday, accused of stabbing two people and pushing an elderly woman in a feud over leaf blowing.

You know what? I'm with the woman already. I swear to God, leaf blowers, I don't know. I swear to God, leaf blowers, I don't know. Is there a reason they can't put mufflers or a fucking governor on a leaf blower engine? Huh? Have you ever heard anything louder in your life? Even here in Georgia, my nice neighborhood. I mean deafening. I mean fucking deafening. Oh, Nick, you're getting it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I lived in LA. Every other Mexican had a backpack on. They were like aliens, no pun intended, with a leaf blower that could knock my car over or suck it up, whatever they would blow on them. But I couldn't believe the fucking... And I was in my... What was I in my... I was fucking 30, 29. It was bugging me then. So don't give me that shit. I've never heard a louder product.

I have a chainsaw. I have... You know what I mean? Come on, you mechanics out there. Got to be a redneck who can fix that. I fucking hate leaf blowers anyway. Anyways, so this lady has the same shitty attitude as I do. Kayong Moulton.

Crazy. A little bit of Asian in those eyes. She's 66, which is creepy. She's six years older than me. Is accused of stabbing two people who live across the street from... Good for you. Good for you. Don't take the shit from nobody. I kill you.

I kill you right now. Kill me. I'm right here. Kill me. Okay, I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks? Come over here.

Talk to me in the face. Like a somebody. According to the arrest affidavit, Moulton told Palm Bay Police she came home Sunday afternoon and found leaves on her front lawn. Oh, my God. I hope a tree didn't do it.

Assuming they had been placed there by the people across the street, which I would have done, I say blow leaves and ask questions. She stabbed and asked questions later. She pulled out her leaf blower and blew them back onto their lawn. Wow. So she went from a leaf blower to a knife. One of the victims told police he saw Moulton with the leaf blower and he and his mother went out to confront her. When the man's sister tried to intervene, he said, Moulton slapped the sister. What's the idea?

Get upstairs. Moulton slapped the sister. And a struggle ensued. According to the arrest affidavit, that's when Moulton stabbed the sister in the leg with a steak knife. Oh, that doesn't count. The leg, who cares? When the man tried to help his sister, he felt himself get stabbed. You're fucking crazy.

Police said the brother and sister also claimed Moulton pushed their mother to the ground. These are tough little Asian women, I told you. Even New York on the subways, if you're taking your time getting off the train, they'll knock you right on your ass. I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck. Can you say that in Mandarin, lady? Yeah, I'm no fan of the leaf blower.

Goddamn wife uses it. Fucking shakes the rafters. I'm trying to get the last 12 bars of Sweet Home Alabama down, don't you? Did you see that? Welcome to the real news. Look at the fucking mess I'm in. You wonder why I'm sick. Oh my, it's all sticky and shit.

Wonder where I got Omicron or whatever. Florona. My Florona. When you're gonna give me some. Running down the length of my thigh, Sharona. You make my motor run. My motor run. Omicron.

Right here, right in front of mine from the San Francisco area. Excuse me. Let's move on, shall we? So an Asian woman stabbed a few people. Come to me, I went, damn, I thought I was... What do we got here? Smooth criminal. I, being a racist, first thought this was the actions of a black man, but then I was like, what am I saying? The guy was polite.

Nick, that's right. I know. I'm just, you know, I joke around when I say shit. You know that? All right. You got me. You got me. An armed New Mexico home invader enjoyed shrimp, beer, and a bath.

Fuck, I didn't even do that. My house. Look, thank you for the picture. Apparently, this house served, Doc. Shrimp cocktail. Anyways, he had shrimp, beer, and a bath before apologizing and leaving behind a couple hundred. Hey, why don't you break into my house? To fix the window he had broken,

telling the homeowner he had just needed a warm place to sleep. Why don't you try a church, Jackoff? Right? Or a fucking shelter? Pick my house, motherfucker. Santa Fe police responded to a residence on Sunday after a man reported he entered his home only to find 34-year-old Terrell

that's why I thought he was black excuse me Christensen with an AR style rifle I would have probably sprinted out of my house if I saw it. According to court documents filed in Santa, who wants to live in New

Mexico? What are you, fucking high? 49 other states. Anything good ever happen in there? Ugh. You know, Breaking Bad was set there, but other than that, Pete, fucking you. Uh, anyways. This guy busted in

and fucking enjoyed himself and I'll show you how racist I am this is the sound effect I picked I don't know what you're smiling at watermelon makes no sense when the guy's Nicolas Cage the caller told police Christensen was drinking a beer

eating shrimp when he arrived the invader apologizes to the homeowner, saying he needed a place to sleep. And if you got 200 bucks, go to a hotel, you fuckstain. And he put $200 on a chair before packing up his gun and a duffel bag and quietly departing. Now that's how all crime should go down. You know what I'm saying? We need partners. We need brothers and we need friends. Christensen is believed to have entered the house via a window that he had smashed.

The homeowners estimate the window will cost, guess what, $200 to replace. The homeowner told police the male was extremely embarrassed and apologetic about the situation. You don't find that when a lot of the brothers break in. Anyways, when asked why he was in the home, the criminal replied, why don't you ask me why I live in this shithole New Mexico? No. Christensen said his family was killed in East Texas and he was running from somebody. Oh, in that case, unpack your bags and hide in my garage.

What are you fucking... He's got a cartel after him. He told the man he had been driving, but his car... Oh, God, I've heard this one a million times from homeless. Haven't you heard that one a thousand times? You know what's hilarious? I go to the same gas station here in Savannah and the same guy tells me the same story every couple weeks. I go, let me finish it

for you. Have you heard the cell phone guy yet? What did he say? Yeah, what is it? Go ahead. He walks up and he goes, excuse me, can I borrow your cell phone? Black guy. Black guy. Gay black guy. Yes. Every time. And I actually do finish the story

for him. Yeah. I go, yeah, well, what am I going to do? Film you getting it in the ass? Leave me alone, young fella. Anyways, he told the man he had been driving, but his car had broken. Boy, he had a lot of stories. His car broke down 100 miles outside of Santa Fe.

The thoughtful home invader was arrested the next day. However, after he tried to steal a woman's car at gunpoint at a church's chicken in Santa Fe. Go in the fucking kitchen and give me my big piece of chicken. I'm out of here. Thank you, dude. The woman told cops that she was waiting for her food in the drive-thru when Christensen

allegedly approached her car door and demanded that she get out of the vehicle because he was taking it. Christensen fled after she began honking her horn. God damn it. Come on, let's go, let's go. Let's go. He was picked up by police when he was spotted walking down a road later that day. According to court documents, Christensen, police that, they're missing a word.

Christensen told police that he had been caught in a blizzard. Oh my God, this guy's got stories. This guy should be a novelist. Caught in a blizzard on Sunday and God, this guy's got stories. This guy should be a novelist. Caught in a blizzard on Sunday and broke into the home out of fear of freezing, the new Mexican reported. He said he felt bad about breaking the window. He refused to speak about the attempt at carjacking at Church's

Chicken. And where are the white women at? They ain't at Church's Chicken. Tell you that goddamn much. Delicious chicken, by the way. Anyways, that's it, ladies and gentlemen. That's all I got for today. It's more than enough.

Look at me. I'm all in a good mood and shit. But why? I'm going to have a physical. You know how many guys in their 60s get bad news at a physical? And I mean not like bad news like, oh, you got strep. I mean like, you got six months to pack your shit and get out of your house.

What I want to find out is what the shit is growing on my back. These fucking mushrooms, like I'm a fucking fallen tree in a wet wood. I am known to have beautiful skin. Every girlfriend I've ever had loved the skin on my back.

Silky. Except for the dried loads. Listen. Listen. Wah, wah, wah. It's something you never hear in Savannah. All right, folks. God damn it. Come on, let's go, let's go. Let's go. It's something you never hear in Savannah. All right, folks, that's it.

Don't forget thecomicsgym.com, nickdip.com, cameo.com. Go to cameo.com if you want me to roast a friend or relative. I'll make a video right on my phone. We'll give them a zing zangler. People love it. Or you could be nice. Say happy birthday to Grammy, who's got about a week left, thanks to the fucking Chinese. You guys think it, I'll say it. You're very welcome. See you back here at the

same time tomorrow. Have a good day. guitar solo君のことを知っている Outro Music