The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden Makes Sickening Apology | Nick Di Paolo Show #1538

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Biden's apology, Trumps welcome and much more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Watch your fat fucking mouth. Take it easy. How are you, folks? Welcome. Welcome on a Monday. Good to be here. A lot going on over the week. I had a great time in the Texas area, the Crowder Show on Mug Club. Just to give you a little feeling how that went. He usually does the streaming things and they usually get 300 to 350,000 live views while we're doing them. How about 770,000 for this one?

Give you an idea how people, how much interest as far as this election coming up and all that other shit. It's a blast. Three hours of doing shots every time Biden fucked up and, you know, fucking blinded eight minutes into the speech. But those numbers, holy moly. That was the most popular streaming thing numbers, holy moly. That blows, that was the most popular streaming thing

on the internet that night. So, it's hard to beat that. Kid knows what he's doing. And I don't hurt the fucking show either. I'll tell you.

Typical me, I try to take credit before I go, really, this is the highest one? Hmm, what was missing with the other ones?

Like a year ago. They're like, shut up. And I'm like, I agree. Real quick, Dallas gave me a headline here. We usually don't do fucking, well, we have to in Shithead. Where'd you get that, the post? I just had it. Who gives a fuck about Kate Middleton?

Die, whore. Anyways, Biden just announced a massive $7.3 trillion budget with $5.5 trillion, that's with a T, in tax hikes. Of course, he does that after the State of the Union speech, like the cunt that he is. Excuse me. Sorry, folks. I know. Shut up. Grow up. It's a word.

No B, no C, no J, I'm down to a Q and a fucking L. Listen to this, just real quick, to give you, put it in perspective. So they say the fiscal year 2025 budget is highly unlikely to be approved by Congress, matches last year's top-line tax increase level, and would achieve the massive investments while purportedly cutting the federal deficit by $3 trillion over the next 10 years. They always have those 10 years. He'll be dead and gone. Nobody will even remember. Brian Riedel, a senior fellow at the Manhattan Institute, I used to return punts for them, focusing on the budget and taxes, told The Post in an interview Friday, Biden's similar plan from last year put forward the highest peacetime burden as far as taxes in American history. That was last year, as well as the highest sustained taxes in American history. And this tops that. Not only is the

president raising taxes, but he's using a substantial portion of it for new spending rather than deficit reduction, which just means even bigger tax hikes down the road when it's time to rein in the deficit. Bill Hicks said this 30 years ago. There is no budget. It's a bunch of shit. I've been hearing this since I was 11, our national debt and all this. It's all bullshit. I really believe it. Well, then come get it, whoever fucking we owe it to, whatever. But I'm just saying, raises taxes by 5.5 trillion. saying. Raises taxes by $5.5 trillion. I don't care.

Doesn't mention that, though, during the fucking Weasley. God damn it. Where are we? What time is it? Did I even start the clock? Let's get to it. Enough already. I slept, according to my shut-eye app,

I slept under four hours last night. Three hours and 54 minutes. That doesn't mean I went to bed and that's all. I was in bed for six and a half hours. And, yes, I know we changed the daylight savings. I know that has little to do with it. But something is going on, man. You know, it records me while I'm sleeping.

I was doing impressions last night at Rodney Dangerfield. I said, well, I'll tell you. I was doing push-ups in a nude. I didn't see the mousetrap. I picked up my briefcase. The handle came off. I went to turn on the TV. The button came off.

I'm afraid he'd take a piss. Anyways, so that was that quick. We thought we'd update you on that. It was pretty good, wasn't it? Let's go to the fucking, is there a story to this or did I just give you a clip? Well, I'll just fill it in because, boy, I didn't know what I was doing. I must have been watching fights while I was doing this. Well, I'll just fill it in because, boy, I didn't know what I was doing.

I must have been watching fights while I was doing this. Jerk off Joe Biden over the weekend. You know, we got that girl that got murdered in Georgia, Lakin Riley. And during the State of the Union speech, we haven't seen each other. Have we since then? He fucked up her name because he's retarded. He would have done it if he was 28 because he's just stupid. He fucked up her name, said L said Lincoln Riley who's a football coach and the girl's name is Lake and Riley and then on the Sunday morning

show MSNBC whenever it was Asked him about Calling the person who killed the girl an illegal immigrant That was their concern not about the murdered girl. Here's the clip. Do you see it? Do you believe it? But during your response to her heckling of you,

you used the word illegal when talking about the man who allegedly killed. That's his question? That's his question? Everybody's shitting on Biden, but how about, how about Claudine Gay here? Interviewing him. That's your concern at MSNBC?

And if it was a trans, he would have got pissed if he mispronounced him, or whatever the fuck you call it. That's your concern. A girl is murdered, sexually assaulted, too, by an illegal who shouldn't have been here. And their big thing is you called them an illegal. Listen to Shithead's answer. I'm an undocumented person. And I shouldn't have used illegal.

It's undocumented. And look, when I spoke about the difference between Trump and me, one of the things I talked about on the border was his way... I can't. Balls on this prick. What a fucking jack...

Do you believe that? Even for him, that sticks out. Now, the only question is, is because he's, you know, really in the eighth stages of all,

my father could have beat him in chess in his last year of Alzheimer's. I mean, did they, did his handler say, don't even refer to the dead girl. You know what I mean? Or were they pulling their hair out going, Joe, for Christ's sake. Either way,

can you imagine if that's Trump and it's a black or Hispanic victim and it's a white suspect going, yeah, I said illegal. I shouldn't have called the Klan men illegal. Well, first of all, you can't imagine that scenario

because it doesn't happen. Yeah, yeah, pull it up. Anyhow, do you fucking believe that? He's doing it. Could he make it any easier to fucking beat in an election? They have to arrest Trump or do something. This guy is just,

between now and then, it's unbelievable. Trump should do what he did. Should hide in his basement and not say anything. Just let Joe hang himself. This should be a landslide. then it's unbelievable trump should trump should do what he did should hide in his basement and not say anything just let joe hang himself this should be a landslide by all accounts yeah well but you know what we know it's not going to be because we already read an article in the atlantic they already have a plan prepared if trump wins legally if he wins fair and square they already

have a plan something to do with the electorate electorates square, they already have a plan. Something to do with the electorates and shit. They already have a plan in place to keep him. Because, you know, they're children. They go, well, you guys stormed the Capitol, which they fucking didn't. Oh, another big headline I didn't tell you today. Again, these break at the last second. I'm not fucking Peter Jennings. Pick a fucking, Lester Holt.

Yes. Tom Volkov. I got more lies in my bag. I'm shitting in my bag. Nobody pays attention to me. Yeah, god damn it. What was I going to say? No.

Yeah, new headline. It's fucking Monday. What the fuck was it? What were we just talking about the uh dems plan if uh trump were to be elected fair and square right you said the atlantic article right the atlantic article which led me to oh my god it was even more outrageous than anything i've said so far again less, less than four hours of sleep. I see why it leads to fucking Alzheimer's.

There's no doubt about it. I put my cup, my coffee in the coffee maker today. I put the mug under it at home, and I'm staring at it going, what the fuck is wrong? I never press the button. I never press the button. I'm swearing at it.

Time to go home. What's the other thing I was going to tell you guys? They're going to plan on stealing the election. I don't know. It'll come to me. Sure it will. Next Thursday. It'll come to me.

Anyways, before I go any further, already? Ten minutes into the show already? Holy fucking moly. In the second half of the show, I'll be talking about Letitia James getting her ass handed to her while giving a speech

to the NYFD, the Fire Department of New York, FDNY, the QLCBLG. The NYFD. Yeah, she got a horrible welcome. She said they were in a place of worship. I thought they were at a firehouse. No, they were at the church because the person she was recognizing was the...

Oh, that's right. That's right. The burnt kid. No. I don't know. And also, George Stephanopoulos made a real asshole. He gets shamed on his own show by a rape victim. And of course, if you go on X,

there's still people on the left defending George Stephanopoulos. Can we just go? Can we just drop the gloves and go? We have nothing in common. Nothing. We have nothing to talk about to each other. This marriage would have been over fucking 10 years ago if anybody had any balls. It's fucking disgusting.

Only, eh, whatever. Exclusively, by the way, on Mug Club, if you want to hear those stories. So join now to get Mug Club. Where do you do that? You go to nickdip.com. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show

and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick-a-shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Yes, let's move on. Trump brings the heat to Miami. As you may or may not know, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, most of you guys like me. I think you like the UFC.

Big weekend. Sugar Sean O'Malley defended his title against Marlon Cheetah Vera, who was the only guy to beat Sugar Sean and didn't really beat him because he had to kind of quit because of an injury the first time they fought. So this was his first title defense. Sugar, Sean, and he outclassed this guy using his face. It's kind of like a rocky Apollo Creed, although Cheetah Bear won't go down because he's got that.

It was great. But the big fight, the best one was Poirier knocking out Saint-Denis from France. This fucking guy looks like a movie star, and he's a badass. I'd seen him kill some good fighters, and he's the up-and-comer, handsome, and special forces. He's in the special forces in France, which is like Eagle Scouts over here. No, I don't know. But he's a badass, and Poirier was getting beat in the first round,

and I'm going, this Frenchman is for real. Of course, Poirier, being the tough, handsome Louisiana guy that he is, knocks this guy fucking silly in a second. Guys, I don't know how to talk you into this shit. I don't know what else I got to do. Anyways, what's that got to do with this? Well, they did it in Miami. The fights were in Miami this weekend. Just hours after taking a dig at President Joe Biden, this is how, this on this alone, you guys should vote for Trump. Just on the energy alone. He was in Georgia in the afternoon

at a rally in Rome, Georgia, and then went to Miami. Not that it's a fucking long flight. I think he hitchhiked, actually. But I'm just saying, could Biden ever do that? He'd have to put a lid on it, as they say.

So just hours after busting Biden's balls, GOP frontrunner Trump attended UFC 299 in Miami. The ex-president of the United States sat cage side with his daughter, Ivanka, very pretty lady, Saturday night. As he entered alongside UFC president Dana White, he received, as usual, a standing ovation. It's a standing ovation. That's fucking beautiful. Ahead of the Sean O'Malley-Marlin-Vera fight.

This is what, I got to, before I forget, because I have no mind today, no memory. What was interesting, there was a Chinese guy fighting a Russian guy. In Miami, right? And I'm going, hmm. So the Chinese guy gets fucking booed. So I'm going, beautiful, they know. And the Russian guy gets, no, I wouldn't say cheered, but a smattering of applause. And I was doing all the dynamics in my head. It's UFC, so you know it's Trump fans. I mean, these are people, Dems don't like this shit. It's brutal. It hurts somebody.

You know, it's basically blue collar guys. So I'm going, this is great. They do get it. They're not pro-Russian, but they sure as fuck aren't pro-China. They're more against China than Russia, which is what I was do get it. They're not pro-Russian, but they sure as fuck aren't pro-China. They're more against China than Russia, which is what I was refreshing to me. Anyways, which makes sense if they follow Trump and blah, blah, blah. Anyways, they put the camera on a bunch of famous people. As he entered the Kaseya Center in Miami, Kid Rock's American Badass was played in the background.

After a brief meet and greet, the presumptive GOP nominee sat alongside his daughter and son-in-law, Jared Kushner, which surprised me. Anyways, so they put the camera on a couple of famous fighters that got nice rounds of applause. One of the Bosa brothers, who's an NFL player who looks like a goddamn Greek god. They all got nice rounds of applause, and then Donald just blew them away when he came in with Dana. On a date with Conor McGregor. Also making his way to the Eftegan. He loves it.

The 45th president of the United States of America, Donald J. Trump, ranked by UFC CEO Dana White. Yeah. But he'll lose the park to LaBova. He was the first guy to treat us to how big a Knicks Marshall Arch fan Donald Trump is.

He sits off to God's side with the hands on. Absolutely loves our live events and a real privilege to have President Trump in the building. He was the best guy around. They love him. Even the fighters. Poirier, after his win, he's like leaning over the ropes, talking to Trump and Dana White. It's fucking... Just picture Biden walking in there. He would have got drilled in the head

with a full Heineken. That's not Zuckerberg, is it? No. Good. My eyes are fucked up because he ghosts these things too sometimes. Anyhow, Trump's outing comes shortly after his campaign rally in Rome, Georgia, where he called out his rival, Biden, for mispronouncing the name of murdered 22-year-old nursing student, Lakin Riley.

He got Lakin's name wrong, calling her Lincoln, mixing her up with a football coach, Trump said, as he blasted Biden. He said, Joe Biden went on television and apologized for calling Lakin's murder an illegal. Biden should be apologizing for apologizing to this killer. He continued, he's got no regret. He's got no empathy, no compassion. And worst of all, he has no intention of stopping the deadly invasion

that stole precious Lakin's beautiful American life, he added. Try arguing with that, Reiner, and all you other fucknuts. Simply, you know what, if you vote Democrat, get the fuck out of here. Because it's not even, now that, it's that clear cut now, you can say that. No, there's a few good, no, you're not, you're rotten to the core. As Nicholson said in Cuckoo's Nest, she's something of a canny. What do you mean? What do you mean?

She likes a rigged game. I haven't played that in a long time. Mush upstairs. Let's move on. Another thing ruined by blacks. I don't hear that on Hannity. Miami Beach may be breaking up with spring break, but Spring Break isn't moving on just yet.

It's a complicated, sometimes toxic affair. I'm going to show you the new ad campaign before I do. You know, because Spring Break, wherever it is, and wherever they are, there's violence. It's more than three in the room rule. Three in the room, three in a beach, three in a state. It gets fucking ugly. And, you know, so I'm going to show you this video saying that, in Miami, saying we're breaking up with you.

And this, we're going to, once again, we're going to come up with a thing called Nick teaches TV watching or something. Because this will slip by nine out of ten people, even people who vote like me. But see if you can pick up what's wrong with this campaign

saying we're going to break up with you spring breakers because you're turning it into violence and shit. See if you can pick up what's odd about how they cast this commercial. Go ahead.

You just want to get drunk in public and ignore laws. Do you even remember what happened last March? Pause. See how quick they got that clip off? See how quick they got the clip off? Because it was black violence that ruined it. I'm not saying white people didn't

brawl too, but they're not the ones bringing the weapons and shit. We all know that. Shit's been going on in Miami Beach forever now. Forever. And other places down here. They have something called Orange Crush Weekend that they had to fucking stop.

Now the cops down here have found a way. They're still going to have it, but if you look at them wrong, there's so many rules that nobody, they probably won't, the brothers aren't going to show up i would think yeah the mayor of tybee actually made a conscious effort to make it incredibly difficult that's right brutally difficult go ahead roll some more that was our breaking point black woman we're breaking up all brown whatever and the first one over it seems with a warning from miami beach curfew, security searches and bag checks over spring break. More than 100 state troopers will

also be deployed to Miami Beach and other cities in Florida to deal with the very large crowds, which are expected. Midnight curfew was put in place last year and also in 2022. Yeah, here you go. You know, because of Whitey. Look what they put up in the ad. OK, that's that's DeSantis saying how they're cracking down. We're not going to put up with this shit anymore. But they show white girls like they did shoplifting. So even DeSantis, who we know is no left winger, once again, race is the third rail that nobody will go near.

And nothing's going to get better in this fucking country until somebody comes out. Anthony Cumia should be fucking president. He's the only one in public showing his face, saying it. And you can go, oh, he's a fucking racist, blah, blah, blah. No, he's just speaking the fucking truth. It's never going to get better. I mean, fucking women of color saying, yeah, we're going to break up with you because you guys are too rowdy.

And then showing white girls in a picture. You guys don't see that? Last week, Florida Governor DeSantis announced he was dispatching 140 state troopers throughout the Sunshine State, 45 of them in Miami Beach, to keep raucous spring breakers in check during the annual ritual. The tough love comes amid a city of Miami Beach breakup campaign that includes hefty fines, curfews, bag checks, restricted beach access, DUI checkpoints, $100 parking fees, and non-resident towing rates of more than 500 bucks.

Is it because we're black? Yes. And a partridge in a pear tree. That's right, a black one with a knife. For David Wallach, the owner of Mango's, oh, whatever the fuck. Anyways, for those of you guys on Mug Club right now, stick around for the second half of this great show. Everyone else,

go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show, also the great Stephen Crowder's full show, whose show is like just blowing up as usual because he knows what he's doing, and a whole lot more. And while you're there, we're going to have some dates. We're going to drop in more later, I believe, right?

Is that what you said? This is updated right here. Oh, it is? Oh, good. Oh, Jesus. May 1st and 2nd. It sure is. Side split is Comedy Club.

May 1st and 2nd in Tampa. And then May 10th, that's the night before Red Bank, two shows at Soul Joel's Comedy Club in Pottstown, PA. And then May 11th, the big theater, folks. Over 500 and almost 540,

535 tickets at this point already sold. Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. So please come out to see that. I won't take all that they hand me down and make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down

Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else, no, no I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed Everybody else And I don't wanna get a job

Everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else See ya, see ya, what are ya? I'm not like everybody else