The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden Pisses on 2nd Amend. | Nick Di Paolo Show #1266
Episode Date: August 31, 2022FBI special agent resigns for political bias. Biden attacks 2nd amend. Ohio father not charged in shooting. Trans go after lesbos. Just different in Czechia. Pilot threatens passengers....
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🎵 Music.
Music.
Hawaii Ed, good to see you. You smell like whiskey.
Great show, folks. Tonight, very, very funny, black, dirty comedian, Red Fox.
And we have an actress on a show called, what's it called, Ed? It's got a Mel's Diner or some shit like that.
Linda Lavin.
Nice rack on her. Not a good actress.
And Tom Bosley from
Happy Days. You all know. America's dad
who likes to touch kids.
Anyways.
I don't even know if his name's Tom.
How are you, kids?
My days are pretty much the same.
I go home after here and
start. I actually got after here and start.
I actually got lucky. Gutfeld
called in sick on
Monday.
I can't.
Monday. I don't know.
So there was
I got the, I took my time
of the monologue. Whatever the fuck. He's going to use the show
that he didn't show last night. Tonight.
It's the monologue I read, whatever.
I punch him up, it's fun.
He said it on Adam Carolla, that's why
I'm just letting you know that
anything that gets a laugh is mine.
No, he's
fucking, it's amazing when I'm
punching his shit up, how his mind
goes right where mine was going.
I'm like, god damn it.
How he comes up every day,
and honest to God,
I really believe this.
If the left could open their minds
for a minute and watch his monologue,
because he's so good at explaining
how crooked the media and the Dems,
especially the media.
He's been in the media for 35 years,
believe it or not.
And so he knows it inside.
He knows the dirty.
And nobody lays it out like he does.
Honest to God.
It's a different angle every day.
But he's talking about the media, basically.
To be able to talk about the same subject and have a different take on it.
Anyways.
Why did I bring that up?
Okay.
So that's it.
And then Red Sox oh my god the wheels are
coming off the train like I have never seen they take the lead this is what they do now they take
they get down a couple runs take the lead and then they bring in it doesn't matter who uh our best
relievers are hurt Tanner Howe he's been out for a month. They bring in this guy, Brazier, who I love. What's he do with the bases? He gives up
a groin.
I can't help it.
I look at poor Cora and I'm like,
he wants to hang himself. This is the longest
season. I've never seen it.
J.D.,
dude, I appreciate you, but I can't wait for you
to get the fuck out of town.
If I have to watch you swing it one more
pitch, a foot outside,
in the ground, and you're almost a 300 lifetime hitter, I don't understand it.
All right, let's get on with it. You guys don't give a fuck. Now, here's some roller derby scores
from Vermont. Before I get started, let me tell you, if you're still at the comic gym to move over,
I guess it's shut down now, isn't it? I don uh move over to patreon that's where the show is and sign up at patreon if you sign
up to be a monthly uh subscriber you're gonna get that that extra story nobody else gets uh today
i'm talking about deon sanders who i loved as an athlete and hated as a person.
And I've heard some horrible stories about him. But he's the head coach at Jackson State, and there's a clip of him,
and it surprised me.
I think maybe he's growing up or mellowing out, or it's all a farce.
But anyways.
And also in the encore, there's some unbelievable footage of moms,
actual moms in football uniforms
tackling their sons in high school.
Just running, getting a running start, and it makes you fall in love with mothers,
especially when they're 6'2", 230.
Anyways, that's the encore.
So, yeah, so if you sign up monthly, you'll get that.
so yeah so if you sign up monthly you'll get that
if you don't get the daily on course
subscribe on Patreon now for as little
as $5 a month
it gives you access to exclusive
content and much more
thanks and enjoy today's episode
God
fucking reads like a
IBM power meeting
let's get to the stories I'm sick of this shit.
Federal Bureau of Incongruencies. That's me making up a word. Timothy Tebow, the FBI's
former assistant special agent in charge, who resigned Friday after Republican allegations
of his political bias in connection to the Biden
laptop investigation was allegedly one of the agents trying to get the FBI employees to bolster
domestic violent extremism numbers, DBE, case counts to satisfy performance metrics. Let me
explain that in English to you. His boss was telling him to
tell the people under him, you got to pump up the numbers of domestic violence because it really
isn't enough because it's all made up by us. But we got to make it look like it because jerk off
Joe Biden, our boss, is going out there and saying that's the number one threat. So let's lie about
the numbers. Everybody with me? Okay. Luckily, some whistleblowers alleged in July that this is what he was involved in.
T-Bolt and other bureau agents were allegedly pushing FBI employees to reclassify cases,
to involve DVE, domestic violence extremism, even if they do not meet the criteria, the outlet said.
Can you friggin' imagine?
This is your own government.
One, two, three, four!
I watch my country going down the drain.
I'm gonna watch my country going down the drain.
And what...
This fucking guy
I've seen more
Hunter's chest
he's like Tom Jones in the 70s
he's got his shirt undone
anyways
do you believe that though?
that's the gist of the story
they have to make up
this is your government folks
this is your government
turning on us
supporters of Trump people on the right.
They have to make it up. Yet they're out there saying white supremacy, white supremacy. They
have to fudge the fucking numbers. Do you think they have to do that if you're focusing on black
crime or BLM or really anti-American groups? You think you'd have to fudge that? I don't know.
really anti-American groups.
You think you'd have to fudge that? I don't know.
FBI director Christopher Wray, by the way,
Trump's biggest mistake,
although I know somebody talked him into it,
somebody played Trump on this one,
testified in June 2021
that the Bureau has a very, very
active domestic terrorism
investigation program.
That's like Hitler saying,
our army plays rough.
Jordan said in a July letter to the director, demanding the probe, the alleged DVD,
a data padding. So they're going to probe that. Christopher Wray, I'm just, I can't believe.
You're a loser. You'll always be a loser.
Tebow was allegedly escorted out of the FBI building Friday.
All right, get out!
A source familiar with the matter told Fox News,
the former agent was allegedly part of a widespread effort
within the bureau to discredit and downplay negative Hunter Biden information,
which would have changed the election.
And think about this.
He's a crackhead.
He's a crackhead. He's a crackhead. He actually,
this guy who fucks whores around the clock, smokes crack, affected the election.
Or could have really affected it. And label it disinformation. Grassley accused Tebow in July
of improper conduct in connection to the Hunter Biden probe. After whistleblowers,
these are people within the FBI finally speaking up. What have I been saying on the show for a
year? We always have to go to the rank and file and I go, hey, then start ratting people out.
After whistleblowers allegedly told the Senate that Tebow sought to shut the probe down.
Bye bye, dickhead. So Tebow be out. Christopher Wray,
how is he still?
My goodness.
Didn't even look
at his resume, guys.
Didn't he do any,
he didn't vet him at all?
Have to call me,
whoever the fuck we,
I just can't take it no more.
So they have to make up numbers.
Just think about that.
That's how little white racism
there really is.
Honestly, it's out there. Don't get me...
And there's pockets of it, but not...
They don't run around
sucker-punching black people and
Asian old ladies. You know what I'm saying.
Joe, headline,
where you going with no gun in your hand?
Used that a few times.
I had that whole song down.
What, eight months ago?
I can't remember. It's not even.
President Joe Biden.
Uh-oh, retard alert.
Retard alert.
Joe Biden said Tuesday while in Pennsylvania that brave, this is quote, right-wing Americans
who claim the Second Amendment is meant to fight back against tyrannical government would
be obliterated by the military.
I know Joe Biden. Joe Biden's a friend of mine. Dallas, you know Joe Biden. No.
I've been around long enough to follow his career, right? And remember we were promised
a nice moderate Joe Biden? This is not a word of this, not a thought.
They really played like Hyman Roth.
They played this one beautifully.
This is like far, far left.
He would never say this a few years ago with his marbles.
He was never that far left.
And you can look up shit.
But can you imagine saying that about the Constitution?
The Second Amendment, fucking full of shit.
And I'm sure there's, you know, people on the left.
Well, he's right.
Biden was speaking in Wilkes-Barre while promoting gun control and bolster.
Yeah, promote gun control.
Let crazy fucking felons back on the street after a day and take away our protection
while you're surrounded by guns, you fucking cocksucker.
Promoting gun control
and bolstering police forces
across the nation.
Biden pushed for a federal ban
on so-called assault weapons.
They can't even define
what an assault weapon is.
And took aim at Republicans.
You have to say that?
That's kind of edgy.
Took aim at Republicans
on the softball field
with his friends, Kevin,
during a speech invoking
the late Supreme Court.
Oh, now he's going to bring up Antonin Scalia, who he never agreed with.
But as one of the most, this is Joe talking, conservative justices in history,
Justice Scalia once wrote, like, quote, like most rights, the rights granted by the Second Amendment are not unlimited, Biden said.
They're not unlimited right now, Biden said. Let's listen in to what Dickwad fuckstained
shit-teeth had to say. They're not unlimited.
Right now, you can't go out and buy an automatic weapon. You can't go out and buy a cannon.
And for those brave right-wing Americans who say it's all about shaping America, keeping America as independent and safe,
if you want to fight against a country, you need an F-15.
You need something a little more than a gun.
Can you imagine an American president saying that?
We'll take our chances, Joe.
Because that was the intent of the founders, to protect us from a tyrannical government. We'll take our chances, Joe.
Because that was the intent of the founders, to protect us from a tyrannical government.
If you don't know that, you're just a line pack of shit.
Think about how this country originated, throwing a tyrannical government off our back.
That's exactly what it was intended for.
Can't buy a cannon?
I got one on my desk at home, a little like Michael Corleone had.
What are you talking about?
Make your own cannon.
Whatever.
We'll talk to BLM, the groups that you fucking love so much, and they can give us tips on
how to riot and make Molotov cocktails and throw them through the windows of Congress.
We don't need fucking cannons.
What are you going to do, turn a nuke on Iowa?
Then you're never going to get a vote there again, Dems.
Oh, fuck it.
You really are. I don't like you, Joe.
Let me tell you something, you fucking idiot.
Joe probably had my friend Angel Fernandez killed.
Dallas has a few of those at home. He showed me.
They'd be nice. They'd be sparkling.
Boy, I got to fucking get to the range, man.
Hey, I'm going with you.
We got to go.
I can't have somebody watch me like an old lady breathing down my neck.
You know what I mean?
It's my fault I'm going to shoot myself in the foot.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't want to embarrass everybody over there.
I got this, you know what?
I got this Taurus.
It's like a Glock.
It's funny. All the Glock people that love Glocks,
even they, online, they're like,
for the money, it's way cheaper than a Glock.
G2C, I think it is, or 9mm.
And they're like, damn, for the money,
it's like 250 bucks.
And I watched 100 reviews.
And even the fucking Glock lovers Glovers is a pretty good gun,
you know, for people that don't have a lot of dough. But most drug dealers do, so I'd go with the Glock Glovers. Hey guys, you know, this show is entirely supported by you
listeners and a couple of pregnant strippers in Denver. Thank you to those who joined on
Patreon in the past week and those who made contributions, please continue.
I always think of the fucking, what is it? Not NPR. I always say, what's the?
PBS.
PBS. Thank you. I want to go British broadcasting. Yeah, PBS. Look at you sitting there not contributing
you one-way. That was Mike Donovan, a comedian from Boss. He goes, I hate fucking PBS.
Trying to watch it.
They're like, look at you, sitting there, not contributing.
You one-way cocksucker.
Please continue to do so, and I'll promise I'll keep working to spread honest and direct comedy and commentary through the show.
Apparently, my manager bleeds because I play the clips that say cunt in them and I like that word.
That's why people are afraid to put me on their podcast.
And I go, really?
Because I've been doing that my whole life and I did the Tonight Show.
I did Letterman.
So, you know, come up with something else.
Anyways, he could be right.
The world has changed.
You can contribute at nickdip.com and I'll read your name on the show.
But I warn you, once I do that, you're going to get mauled everywhere.
Fucking world famous.
You'll be like Tom Hanks in 88.
Thank you, guys.
So very, very much.
Comedy has been very good to me.
What do we got?
Headline.
Oh, Knocking on Heaven's Door,
which is the song that I've been working on for the last two,
and boy, I got both solos down.
Even with the backtracking,
I'm starting to boy
what a blast man sure it's a waste of time but anyways what am i gonna do watch tv with a wife oh
atlanta housewives ever watch those mooks uh an ohio man this was this was pretty hairy
can't skip over this this is very american an oh Ohio man shot and killed his daughter's ex-boyfriend,
according to police,
and the incident was captured on a ring camera.
So there's a lot of this going on, you know.
He's gone, and we couldn't do nothing about it.
I've been watching, you know, the ID network religiously.
Guys, and you guys have read a million stories.
Some guys, I noticed the Hispanic
ones, when they, you break up with them, you better watch out. They don't want them. I shouldn't say
it. All guys are fucking cool. A lot of guys don't want that girlfriend to be with anybody else.
So he's going to take her out. Sometimes he takes himself out if he's a good guy, does his civic
duty. But there's a lot of this shit. So I sort of, again, it's a tough call.
I leaned with the dad here, but I don't know. The kid wasn't armed. I don't know. It happened in
Sydney, Ohio, which I didn't even know exist. Did you? On July 31st, according to the Post,
On July 31st, according to the Post, James Rayl, R-A-Y-L, 22, that's him there,
died in footage obtained by W-H-I-O-T-V, shows Rayl trying to open the door after reportedly being told by the family inside to go away.
That's not a good thing.
You're right, your ex-girlfriend.
You know, he knows that she's talking to somebody.
Look, he looks calm there, but don't be fooled by the white devil. You're right, your ex-girlfriend. You know he knows that she's talking to somebody.
Look, he looks calm there, but don't be fooled by the white devil.
I'll throw that in to balance the show off.
But instead, Rail slammed his shoulder against the wooden door, trying to open it.
Mitch Ducro, the father of Rail's ex-girlfriend,
can be heard telling Rail that he is armed before the door opens and then you hear three shots that are fired so he gave the guy a warning get out of there get out of there
let's take a look at the video this is me in high school trying to talk to my girlfriend Linda
it shows the moment 22 year old James rail walks up the steps to his ex-girlfriend's home on Couther Road in Sydney.
Seconds later, he's told to leave.
You can hear the homeowners say,
but Rail decides to bang on the door, trying to force his way in.
Are you trying to door?
No.
Dad.
No, answer the dad.
The Shelby County Sheriff's Office says this is the moment when Rael broke the front door and began to go inside.
And my dad shot at him.
To immediately be hit with three bullets.
That 911 call was made by Rael's alleged ex-girlfriend, who lives in the home.
In that call, you can hear the fear in her voice as the operator asks her to check on Rael.
I don't want to look. Please don't make me look.
One person did look, though.
Next door neighbor, Jeffrey Herford.
Pause.
They can't even get this right.
They're so sloppy with the news.
You could hear the fear in her voice when she first talked out and said,
Dad, he's at the door.
Then you're not.
When she said, I don't want to.
She don't want to see her ex-boyfriend blown apart.
You know what I mean?
It's sloppy editing and shit.
I hate to be in a fucking, I hate to have quality control.
That's what I'm saying.
But go ahead.
Saw everything, as well as Rail on the ground.
Just a shallow breathing.
I was looking at the guy's hands.
He didn't have any gun in his hands or anything.
This is the neighbor.
Therefore, he does not agree with the neighbors or the police report.
Yeah, easy for you to say.
He says from what he saw rail never made
it inside i don't see that if he entered the house why did he shoot through the door but with the new
stand your ground here in the state ohioans do not have to back down if they feel threatened on
their own property well i think he had every right which in the 9-1-1 call you can hear the daughter
agree with dad at that rate there's nothing you could have done. You saved my life.
Okay, she's scared shit of that guy.
And most fathers probably would have reacted that way.
But now his life's fucked up, you know?
And you don't know.
How do you know if the guy kid has a weapon or not?
A knife.
Huh?
Or a knife, exactly.
When you go, I have a gun, and he's trying to bust the door down,
you don't know what's coming next.
It's a tough call, but I like the law.
You shit me, especially under the Biden administration, you better be able to stand your ground.
God damn.
But I didn't get along with my sister, so I would have let the guy in since she's in the kitchen.
Want a beer?
Yeah, before you do that, I've got a couple of cold's in the kitchen. Want a beer? Yeah, before you do that,
I've got a couple cold ones in the garage.
What do you got there, Glock?
Anyways, he was hit twice in the shoulder,
and the autopsy said the fatal shot was to his back,
according to a joint press release
from the county prosecutor and the local sheriff.
Get out of here!
Early in August, the Shelby County Grand Jury voted 8-1 against indicting Duckrow on charges,
get your duck to the row, related to rails killing, citing the state's stand your ground law,
which says that homeowners does not have a legal duty to retreat from their home before firing a gun. I can sum it up
like this. I'm staying right here.
Yeah, it's your
fucking home. It's your castle.
Yeah, people
and again, the left hate the idea of private
property and all that shit. They
hate it. It's my castle,
motherfucker.
Enter your own risk. In New
York, literally a guy could be raping
your wife and if you shoot him, you're still going to do
it's fucking insane.
Anyways, it's how the left
wants it. It's getting ugly, folks.
Do you got your muskets under the bed all
packed up nice?
In our Libs eating libs segment.
And you know, this might be the definition.
Libs eating libs defined.
This is libs eating libs, the consummate clip of libs eating libs.
Like I said, I don't mind when they eat each other a couple of gay broads.
But yeah.
Police.
Police removed a group of lesbians,
remember them,
from the Cardiff Pride Parade.
They're still having parades
about how they were born. It is
fucking insane.
For allegedly sparking a
confrontation with pro
how do you like this?
Now lesbians are the bad guys literally uh with pro
transgenderism members of the mark so we have lost our shit whoever like i said is pitting each other
break trying to separate us oh my god are they not dallas are they do they have it down
get out of here you butch diesel.
I'm going.
In viral footage posted on social media, police in Cardiff, Wales.
Oh, this is Wales.
It doesn't matter.
It happens at our place.
We're seen demanding that members of the lesbian group get the L out UK.
What?
Yeah, I don't even know.
Leave the pride.
They wanted the lesbians to leave the pride parade on Saturday.
How dare you?
The fucking lesbians invented this dog shit.
You're all dumb douchebags. The group claims that trans activism erases lesbians.
Oh, my God.
This is delicious.
You see what your life has become, you fucking idiots?
All over.
How you were born.
You had nothing to do with it.
Maybe a few years turned gay after your uncle diddled you with a Heineken bottle on your 14th birthday.
Oh, we're looking at the New York Jets' new tight end this year out of Texas Tech.
Lesbians in silence and demonizes lesbians who dare speak out. Oh, the poor lesbians
taking a beating. Oh, boy, you. You don't like to be demonized. How's it feel, huh?
At the moment, your march, is this the cop talking? This group of people is causing
confrontation between different groups
of people. An officer is heard saying
in that Australian
put a shrimp on the Barbie fucking mite.
Here is the
I want you to note the same tactics
they use over there. We're doing this
for your safety. Your safety.
Your safety. That's what they're telling the lesbians.
I don't know what the laws
are over there.
Over here we have freedom of assembly and you can speak out and protest and whatever.
Wales I'm guessing is the same.
Anyways listen to the cop.
Again, under the guise of safety we're going to shut down your right to protest.
There you go.
I'm a fucking gay!
You're bullshit!
Fuck off!
Pause.
That's a woman, by the way.
I think.
In the glasses, with a blue shirt.
I think it's a woman, a Jim Brewer.
I don't know.
Kind of look like her.
So go ahead, let the cop lecture these.
We don't want to do that.
We want to be vulnerable. That's your choice.
So what I'm telling you is to make sure it's safe.
We are going to remove you from the road.
Safe.
And I want you to do that on your own accord.
Fucking robot.
I want to make sure I understand that you're removing lesbians from, like, MTV T-Mobile.
Yes, that is what's happening.
My vagina's angry.
Oh, God, is it ever.
It is.
Ah, the homosexuals.
Causing so much riff-raff, folks.
But I wrote a little song to send some love to you.
Up three notches from last week,
here's John Denver's gay song.
I'm gay, I'm really gay, I'm super duper gay.
I'm gayer than a rainbow, I'm gayer than I'll say.
Can't be gayer than a rainbow. Not anymore gayer than I'll say. Can't be gayer than a rainbow.
Not anymore.
Took a nice thing and fucking ruined it.
One of the colors should be a shit streak.
Nick, what are you, eight?
No, I'm seven.
Be eight next week.
The organizers of the parade, Pride Simru,
later claimed that the lesbian organization interrupted
the march. How would you know?
Oh, there's Elton John
and Bernie Taupin.
As they were not officially
registered. You've got to register
to go to a parade. Wow, a lot of freedom out there.
Register to attend the LGBTQ
party. I thought you guys were all about
inclusiveness and shit. You fucking lying fucking clam-eating motherfuckers.
Police forces in the United Kingdom have come under increasing criticism over their apparently political involvement with pride events,
a decision some have chosen to contrast with the growing number of everyday crimes going on unsolved.
By the way, obviously Wales is right off of England.
It's the same fucking...
You think we're politically correct.
They've been a social shithole forever.
At both the London and Brighton this year,
police officers were seen decked out in rainbow colors
when they went to the parades.
You're not supposed to take a stance, I don't think.
To pose for pictures with
attendees. Just last week,
officers, do you see what
virtue signaling has become? How important
it is to some people? Probably cost you
your job, hopefully. Just last week,
officers in Lincoln were lambasted
for using their time to do the
Macarena dance with pride goers.
What the fuck? What?
What is going on here?
Fucking quiz!
Take it easy.
Here's John Kerry.
Scene heading to the G8 summit.
You big fucking bitch.
Anyways, we've covered this on the show a million times.
We're going to do it.
You know, to be cultural parade, all that shit is just so silly, folks.
You know what it does?
It's a reminder that you're different and whatever the fuck.
If you're gay or trans, wouldn't you be like, everybody's welcome?
Straight people, blah, blah.
You're the one who wants to be welcomed into the hole.
So, you know, I love that they're infighting.
My money's on the lesbians they got
like a ray lewis attitude a lot of them uh but no mcdonald uh here's a just a snippet it's a
seven minute bit we're gonna play about two minutes about gay pride at the beginning he
talks about how his father used to you know when neil armstrong landed on the moon he put a
television and he looks on this guy's a patriot.
He goes, well, now, parades, in my opinion, have kind of devolved
to guys who want to suck and fuck each other.
But go ahead, here's the rest of the bit.
And they carry signs that say, I am proud that my son is gay.
And it's so beautiful, but I still, I think they're choosing the wrong words
because pride, again, I don't, you know.
Like, there's a difference between accepting
and loving and everything like that,
but, you know, I don't think anybody's
bragging about it down at work or anything.
You know?
So well put.
God, I miss him.
He goes, hey, guys, come over here, man.
I want to tell you something about my youngest son, Bill.
McCluskey, get over here.
I want to tell you about Bill.
We're so proud of him.
He graduated Harvard this year, top of his class.
Going to be a lawyer.
What do you think of that, huh?
You can use him, McCluskey next time
you get in trouble. Ah, my son.
None of us McPherson's ever graduated
the fifth grade.
We're all just a bunch of chunks of coal, but
it's all going to change now.
Our young son, Bill.
Tell you something else we're proud of him for.
He
He was on the junior Varsity basketball team.
Ah, purple.
And in a span of seven games, he had four triple doubles to end the season.
What do you think of that, huh?
Unbelievable.
Also loves cock.
I don't know.
In his mouth, up his ass.
This kid, he doesn't care.
I don't know how he does it.
I can't do it myself.
Yeah.
This is Bill.
Can't be a lawyer.
I got a picture.
I was going to be articling in Greenwich next year.
There he is.
That's his graduation picture.
Look at that, with his robes there and the mortarboard.
It's that hat, McCluskey, ignorant bastard.
They call it that.
Look at him there.
What a picture.
You can't see it in the picture,
but he's got eight cocks wedged up his ass.
And of course, you can see the fine spray of jizz
arcing over his tongue as he greedily laps it up.
Well, well.
I feel so much pride when I see that picture.
Pride is the thing that I most feel.
And that's why I became a comic, for that type of logic and reasoning and getting laughs on top of it, because you can't argue with it.
It's silly. That's the whole gist of the joke, that you're proud of something you had nothing to do with. It was stupid when you did it the first time. It's still stupid.
It has nothing to do with being anti-gay or anti-trafficking.
It's just stupid.
Ugh.
Same with cultural parades,
Puerto Rican Day, whatever the fuck.
Columbus, all of it.
I don't fucking get that.
But you're not taking Columbus Day away.
You know what I'm saying?
At least the guy discovered this fucking place.
Liberace, what did he ever do?
But that's what I love about it.
He even makes McCluskey an ignorant guy.
See how he uses a foil on me?
Labels him ignorant shit for a minute.
It's just, it's an art, it's just, and that's why I love Louis
C.K.'s comedy so much. It's so, I'm in the car on the way out of here yesterday and Louis
comes on about God and religion and he's nice about it, he's not a dick about it, but you
know, he doesn't believe in it. And he goes, yeah, anybody go to church here? And he goes,
yeah. He goes, that shit is so over with now. He goes, yeah, anybody go to church here? And he goes, yeah.
He goes, that shit is so over with now.
He goes, you ever go into a church now?
He goes, it looks like a roller skating rink on a Wednesday afternoon.
There's nobody.
Out of all the words you could choose.
And that's why I fell in love with his fucking art form. And Norm, oh, God.
Rest in peace, Norm.
Hey, make sure to grab an official Nick DiPaolo
bra and
skimmer hat.
I know.
And you know who'd buy them?
All my guy fucking fans.
Wearing them when they're watching the Packers
eating wings. Make sure to grab
an official Nick DiPaolo show t-shirt
or hat or mug for yourself or someone else today purchasing merch you know what give it
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watch him try to shoot you through the door purchasing merch is another way to
help support this show and also be the best dressed guy or gal in town I'm not
just saying there's two genders yes I, I am. I also love getting pictures sent to me
by 11-year-old boys in a pool with wet
t-shirts.
Sent in from your fans of you
or your kids or dogs, whatever.
Wearing the t-shirts and stuff
really makes my day. Just go to nickdip.com
and click on store.
Again, that's nickdip.com.
Click on store.
Store. Thank you very on store. Store.
Thank you very much.
Headline, appropriate my ass.
I was good with the headlines yesterday.
I was on the money.
You guys see this story?
It made me hot as a whale's tooth.
A teenage tennis player's Grand Slam debut at the 2022 U.S. Open is being overshadowed by lewd chatter on social
media. Sarah Belbejlek,
a 16,
that's how I
poop, by the way.
A 16-year-old athlete who hails
from, what town, if you can say that,
it is Chechia,
which is not, it's not,
it's not, it's Chechia.
I'm guessing one of the break-off republics made headlines after a close greeting with
her father and coach went viral for following a qualifying match, and everybody's all, it's
a big to-do on the internet.
Are you interested in the real story?
Yeah, I am.
After she defeated Heather Watson of the UK on Friday,
the Twitterverse lost its collective mind over footage of Bajak
celebrating with her father, Jaroslav Bajak,
and her coach, Jakub Kahun,
in which the athlete's backside appeared to be padded repeatedly.
to be padded repeatedly.
Here's the video.
Now let's weigh in on it.
Daddy, I love you.
Boing.
Now the coach.
Let me tell you something.
I'm moving to Chechya.
Now look.
You ever seen a grown man naked?
He's looking at you, kid she gets an argument about the thousand other fucking pigs you had your dick in over the years
now here's look folks uh of course people weigh in here on the internet there's absolutely no
reason to touch a 16 yearold girl on her butt like that
because, you know, there's only one culture, American.
It's beyond inappropriate, one person tweeted,
as she was sitting around with nine cats and no husband.
As the video progressed, it got worse and worse, she says.
Well, that's your opinion.
I thought it got better and better.
Another person reportedly wrote that the men were acting creepy with the teenage athlete.
The WTA needs to look into these, especially since these young girls are traveling with men from a very young age.
That part I don't disagree with.
Also, y'all can say it's the dad or WTV, but does your dad touch your bum like that?
No, because I didn't grow up in Cheshire, you mother.
And he did. He loved my ass,
my dad. He used to bite it and go,
whoa, just in high school.
Anyways, that's what somebody
else tweeted because they...
That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck
and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer.
They don't realize there's other cultures.
It's a pretty common thing in Chechya, another person
tweeted, not something
I would do, but many men just don't
think about it in a sexual way. Google our Easter traditions. You might be shocked. I didn't Google
them. Probably have the daughter dressed up like a bunny and you're chasing it and whipping its
ass. Another added that the embrace is perfectly normal in some cultures and households.
One sees what they want to see.
Bejelak made a U.S. Open main draw.
Did your Monday losing to Ludmilla Samsonovna in the first round?
Nobody really cares about that.
It's about a rest.
I'm saying right here.
No!
Here's a quick take.
Okay, folks.
Yes, to us, it looks inappropriate and shit.
But can you understand in Europe?
See, we evolved from puritanical, you know, the pilgrims and uptight English and all that
horse shit where we still make dick jokes today and giggle about it, you know, adults, and they have a little bit of a mature,
I think, a more mature view in Europe where they run around the house naked, even when
they're like teenagers, and, you know, I believe shit like this goes on all the time, because
what he's saying is, you know, what they're saying is, of course I don't want to fuck
my daughter, like it's, you know, they wouldn't even think it in that culture. Oh, this guy's a genius. What are you talking about? Anyway,
do you know what I'm saying, though? Stop acting like we're the only culture that exists
in the fucking, and then the coach gets a squeeze. That's pretty cool. You know how
many guys want to be tennis coaches over there? So you just try to, you know, you know, again, oh, it looks bad to us or whatever.
I think, didn't we have this discussion?
Well, then again, if I have to let this go, we got to let Biden go, kissing, French kissing his.
But see, he's not from Chechnya.
He's from Scranton.
Here's a quick clip of,
and this, you know, I love
when girls like to talk about
football plays patting each other on the ass and shit
and how gay or whatever the fuck it is.
Michael Phelps, after he won all those medals, came home.
He's from Baltimore, so he was at a Ravens game.
And I remember this, so I pulled it out.
What's his name? Ray Lewis.
Again, a thug who I like
for some reason i disrespect
fucking bad people let's be honest um but he's gonna pat mike phelps on the ass and it was a
big deal back then watch real quick he embraced ray lewis and cheered on the rest of the team as
they hey he had his pants down like a brother, Phelps, didn't he?
Was he giving us the fucking prison look?
Good for him.
Good for everybody.
Anything else?
Another story?
Okay.
Finally tonight, it has to be.
It's 207.
Trouble in the cockpit.
Cock-pit.
Nick, you're so clever.
A Southwest Airlines pilot.
This made me laugh my balls off because the world's coming apart at the seams.
It's shit like this that just...
Helming a flight to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, recently took to the plane's intercom and threatened to return...
Don't make me come back there, like my dad, to return the aircraft to its departure gate at the airport. If passengers didn't stop sending nude photos to him via iPhone's AirDrop feature.
What the hell's going on out here?
Through AirDrop, iPhone users are able to send digital files to other Apple products in close range
without using Wi-Fi or cellular data.
The footage, which has garnered more than 2.2 million views, was shared by TikTok user
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But we got the audio of the pilot telling the kids, which are adults, to cut the shit.
Go ahead.
So here's the deal.
This continues while we're on the ground.
I'm going to have to pull back to the gate. Everybody's going to have on the ground. I'm going to have to pull back to the gate.
Everybody's going to have to get off.
We're going to have to get security involved.
And it's vacation that's going to be ruined.
So you folks, whatever that air drop thing is,
quit sending naked pictures.
Let's get yourself to the car, though.
I want to be on that flight.
Of course, it would be all fat and ugly.
I mean, maybe he's a good-looking pilot and it was hot broads, but I doubt it.
You know, there's guys and just being, hey, watch this.
In response to the trending, he should have waited until he got up in the air and said,
if I see another dick pic, I'm taking this into the mountains.
If I have to look at one more of your cocks in 14G.
Anyways, the trending post.
Southwest Airlines told the Post,
the safety, security, and well-being of the customers
and employees, Southwest team's highest priority.
Oh, we do like a good snatch pic.
And amused social media spectators had even more to say about the mess.
Pilot had, don't make me turn this plane around energy.
Pended online on, look at adding a series of laugh
emojis because nobody would know it was funny.
Shut up! Shut! Shut! Shut!
But not everyone found the
naughty stunt funny. Of course, Debbie Donner
in seat 359
dash G with the 12 kids.
The captain is in charge.
He gave a fair warning. People need to stop
doing this stuff on airplanes. Wrote a scolding.
Oh, man. Yes. He gave a fair warning. People need to stop doing this stuff on airplanes, wrote a scolding.
As she stormed off the plane with her 12 cats in her bag.
Receiving unwanted skin pics while on an airplane has unfortunately become part of the traveling experience. In June, I saw this clip.
I didn't grab it for you guys.
I was just too tired.
A male passenger on a Southwest flight airdropped a sexual explicit photo to his fellow flyers.
This was a guy in his 40s, fat slob.
He sent his dick pic out to the whole plane.
Upon landing, police escorted the man off the aircraft.
Perhaps you'd like me to come in there and wash your dick for you.
He goes, and the
flight attendant walks up to him and goes,
do you think that's appropriate? No, she says,
what were you thinking? Just having some fun.
How do you think that's going to go?
He goes, literally,
if you heard the tone,
you know, he goes, I was just trying to have some fun.
I don't know, maybe.
It's kind of funny when you think about it.
Well, it's funny, but you know it's not going to go well.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess.
No, exactly.
You're on a plane with 100-some people.
Somebody's going to say, hey, have the cops waiting.
But the way he answered that made me shit my pants.
He goes, just trying to have a little fun.
Oh, God.
My flights are never that exciting.
First of all, I can't even get,
I've never got Wi-Fi on the goddamn plane in my life.
And I said, am I just stupid?
Because I look around, everybody else is watching
fucking movies, live football.
Liberace's in the plane.
I think you might be stupid,
because I watch movies every time I fly now.
Well, that's because you bring your own.
Nope. No. Well, anyways, I watch movies every time I fly now. Well, that's because you bring your own. Nope.
No.
Well, anyways, I'll tell you why I'm not stupid.
All right?
I can't believe Dallas is calling me stupid.
I had a flight attendant, and this is on two flights.
I go, here, get me on Ongo Bongo, whatever the fuck it is.
He stood next to me for almost 10 minutes
and couldn't do it.
Waited about a month, another flight.
Gave it to a woman.
She got it, but it took her about 10 minutes.
So I ain't dumb.
I don't think.
Anyways, I'd rather read that in-flight magazine.
They got some nice stuff in there.
There's a water pick I have my eyes that in-flight magazine. They got some nice stuff in there. Huh?
There's a water pick I have my eyes on.
Compelling.
Is that not the worst fucking... You want to go into a sugar coma?
You could read that and have somebody amputate an arm.
You wouldn't feel it.
All right.
Good show tonight, folks.
I don't give a shit if you liked it or not.
That is it. Don't forget Cameo.com if't give a shit if you liked it or not. That is it.
Don't forget Cameo.com.
If you want me to roast a friend that were relevant,
go to Cameo.com and do two minutes of a,
I'll make a video.
Or say, I can be nice and say,
happy, happy, whatever the fuck.
I got to give the thank yous out before I go.
I want to thank, and again, guys,
this has been a great week as far as new people signing up and stuff.
I'm really happy to welcome all of our new patrons.
Thank you, Joey Stickle.
Oh, what a, A.J. Boombatz.
Joshua Roberts.
Hey, these are actually Americans.
Jen Burns, sometimes.
Monty Winston.
These are great.
Are these real names?
David Rodenborn.
Sean Powell.
All those people moved from the Comics Gym to Patreon,
and some who signed up to support the show for the full year,
where you could save like 10%.
And to our newest patrons.
These are the ones that make me excited.
Adrian Craig from Australia.
Frankie Stone.
Dino Cantillo.
Or Tio. Nick, what?
Sandra, Joseph Safar, Steve Weigel, Stephen Daly, Eternal Noob, David West, Chase McDude,
Sean Strasser.
They all sound like college quarterbacks.
John Kenny, don't they?
For those of you that want to support the show
with a one-time or automated monthly contribution
without signing up at Patreon,
you can do that at nickdip.com forward slash podcast
and click on the contribution link.
You can use a credit card, debit card, PayPal,
Cash App, or Venmo.
Thanks to the wife figuring all that out.
Thank you to Margaret Weppel from Germany.
Sprechen Sie Deutsch.
Bob and Jerry Curley, who I've met before.
Paul Sagnella.
Andrew Allen for supporting the show with a contribution.
That is it.
Thank you, guys.
You think and I'll say it.
You're very welcome.
See you back here tomorrow for the final day. I can't believe it. That is it. Thank you, guys. You think it, I'll say it. You're very welcome. See you back here tomorrow for the final day.
I can't believe it.
Bye-bye. I'm free I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free
I'm free I'm free Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Outro Music