The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden Puts America Last | Nick Di Paolo Show #1208

Episode Date: May 12, 2022

America last. Doctor Strange love. Madonna gets weirder. Media attacks KY Derby team. PGA's sand trap. Pilot down.

🎵 Oh yeah, oh yeah. How are you folks? Welcome to the Filthy Show on a filthy Thursday. State of Georgia, how you is? what it was, and what it will be. And the revolution will be televised, unless it's on Comcast. Worst fucking cable company in the nation. My brother worked for Time One at Cable for, I don't know, 40 years. Retired early.

Fucking knows his shit. When I told him we had Comcast on, he started laughing. I go, what's so funny? He goes, you're going to fucking shit how bad they are. And I'm like, oh, come on. They've been to my house more times than, I'd say, the FedEx and the UPS guy combined. And we rebuilt the kitchen, don't forget.

That's a lot of deliveries. I'm watching hockey last night. Again, about 2 in the morning. Doing what I should be doing. Wife's upstairs crying. No, I'm watching hockey and pitch disco's black. Lost signal.

No, no, no, fucking nothing. Then they apologize and then they go, check your, well, you just apologized. Apparently it's on your end. You motherless fucks. Do words mean anything anymore? So I went into the living room. So it was no big deal. I get 19 TVs. Put that one on. And that one works fine. Isn't the signal, somebody explain to me how it works. Nobody fucking can. Not even the guys that

work there. Aye, aye, aye. Mama mia, papa dia. Well, Nick, you could be a baby in Ukraine, yeah, but I'm not. I'm a fucking adult. 60 years old. I've already put in my time. Just want to watch a goddamn hockey game in peace. And speaking of sports, Dallas' Braves

walk off. Once again, the bullpen. What did I put? What kind of hex did I put on them? The day I said they get a good bullpen this year, the next night they went into that tailspin, and they're still in it. Oh, my God. Fucking priceless.

Raphael Devers, best hitter in baseball, period. But, God damn it, my boy Brazier, he comes in, he's got the tilted head. I always notice that, and I say, you know why? He had a lazy eye when he was in high school. He still has it, I guess. It focuses. That's what you want for a guy closing, huh? You want to be at bat, he's throwing 98.

You've got a lazy eye. Excuse me. Sorry, ladies out there. I know that bothers you. Anyhow, any heat. What else did I want to say before we get on to this thing? Final day of the week.

Oh, yes. The Penguins blew a 3-0 lead to the Rangers. No, that was a capital. It blew a 3-0 lead to the Rangers. No, that was a capital. It blew a 3-0 lead to the Panthers last night, and the Penguins blew a 2-0 lead to the Rangers, and just fucking tremendous hockey. I'm having

you over. I'm going to make you watch it. I'm going to duct tape you in a chair, and you're going to go, what the fuck have I been missing? I'm telling you. All right, let's get on to it. Racism and hockey. I still can't get over I heard that conversation. Anyways, what's the headline today? America last. The $40 billion package that the United States House of Reps just voted Tuesday to send to the Ukraine could have

nearly doubled the budget for our own Customs and Border Protection, Coast Guard, Transportation Security Administration, that's TSA, and Immigration and Custom Enforcement combined. All those things that protect us Americans, he just sent double that budget. All those agencies, double their budget for a year. That's what he just sent to Ukraine. Because apparently the Ukraine border is so much more important than our border at home. Have you ever seen... You've got to admit they're transparent in a bad way.

They don't give a fuck. They are shameless. They don't give a fuck about you, ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls, he, she's all kinds of freaks out there. They don't give a rat's ass. You know what I'm saying? Over 100,000 people are dying a year from fentanyl being sent from China through Mexico. They're quietly poisoning us.

Chinese. They're like, the COVID thing didn't work good enough. Let's pump up the fentanyl. Right? That're like, the COVID thing didn't work good enough. Let's pump up the fentanyl. Right? That's pouring over the fucking border. You can't even, we just, it's not on the show today, but there's a story Dallas sent me. There's an HVAC

company that won't go to downtown Denver because it's too dangerous. This is what you fuck, where you're living, man. I can't friggin' 40 billion to the Ukraine. You have no idea how to defend a nation. That's funny.

That's what this is. I'm going back to my barracks. You didn't make me fuck with the wrong Marine! That was my father when I made a fist to him in high school. And I did. All over a far... That was my father when I made a fist to him in high school. And I did. All over a far... I'm not kidding you, my buddy Bob Murphy, witness adult. My dog, the dog father, my father thought it was me. He goes, what are you doing?

I go, it wasn't me, it was the fucking dog. We get into it in front of company. He sent me upstairs. I smash a lamp in my bedroom. Here's my mother, and my sisters and brothers still repeat it. My mother goes, your son just broke the lamp in his bedroom, and he's not going on spring break. That was the son.

Father comes in, starts smacking me around. I made a fist like this. Oh, tough guy. Ping, pang, pang. Wish I was big just once, motherfucker. With just 57 votes in opposition, 368 representatives across the political spectrum voted to spend almost $40 billion in U.S. taxpayer dollars to Ukraine within hours of the bill's text being released. We didn't even get a say of the people. You know, you don't even get that.

It's more than $33 billion previously requested by President Joe Biden and an increase in federal spending amid a time of record inflation, federal deficits, like we have to tell you, and congressional failure to pass regular U.S. budgets. Okay? If that's a fact. It is. Tell me, am I lying? The bill was quickly sent to the Senate where South Carolina,

I mean one of the hottest broads in the Capitol, Senator Lindsey Graham, you know Lindsey, he's funny as hell sometimes, but... I suck. Yeah, I think so. And I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Look at that gullet. It's like a pelican filled with

loads. Who previously called for the assassination of Russian President Vladimir Putin. See, he's been in D.C. too long. Signaled that this might be the first of many such spending sprees for foreign interests, saying, do I think this

will be the last round? No, I think we'll be doing this again, he said as he pulled the cock out of his mouth. It's certainly understandable that many members of Congress want to help freedom-loving people in Ukraine in a vacuum with unlimited taxpayer money. It might be a good thing to do, the dummy said. Yeah, yeah, you're really for the people, the dummy said. It's a stupid, it's a stupid, stupid. Yeah, yeah, really for the people, the American people. We need Trump back so bad I can taste it.

Tastes like desperation. But in rushing to spend other people's money so Congress can feel like heroes, they're ignoring the crisis upon crisis, plaguing their own constituents while failing to even ensure that billions of dollars in aid are spent judiciously.

A word they have no... I like this broad. Reading the paper as she walks through Rape Alley. She's looking for her own obituary. Meanwhile, rampant inflation at a 40-year high is squeezing American wallets while our government is failing to keep our own borders secure from illegal border crosses and a drug invasion, which I just mentioned, killing...

These are pictures, by the way, not from fucking Brazil, not from third-row Ecuador. This is your United States. And it's not just L.A. anymore. It's almost every blue-run city. Killing Americans in record numbers, and I know the Chinese are behind that too, the cocksuckers. You're entitled to shit. Yeah, that's how they feel.

Here's parents of the year. Like that kid's got a chance. That looks like my dad at the wheel when we used to take vacations. He's doing 80 miles an hour. Like Chevy Chase. Oh, mama, sister, papa

dear. Anyways, yeah, they don't give, I have never seen an administration just give the finger to the American people, double barreled. They don't give a fuck about you folks. And you've got to ask, why don't they give a fuck? Because they want to make that transition to

social, whatever the fuck. Because that means more power for them. That's all that means That's why they're bringing in and you guys know all that. That's why they're bringing in letting everybody in They think all those jerk-offs are gonna vote Democrat But my theory is after the these people are coming over now are here about ten years and their neighborhoods look just like the ones They came from who they're gonna vote for that Me that's right, me. Pelican. Fly pelican. That's right, me.

Shut up this whole fucking thing. Me. That's who. Tony. Anyhow, yeah, so Biden, please step down. Jill, don't you love your husband? No, you love the power.

How's your book going? I saw somebody in my neighborhood had one. I was keeping a window open that they were painting. La, la, la. Let's move on to the next story. I didn't see this movie because, again, I'm not a nerd, and you can stick Marvel Comics up your ass and all that other shit. If you like it, you don't like pussy, you don't like football.

And you probably spit out beer, unless it's light beer. Although I hit a few light beer. Heineken Light is very good. Doctor Strangelove, an actress who starred, and again, this is foreign to me. I wouldn't see this if they were filming it in my fucking kitchen. An actress who starred, and again, this is foreign to me. I wouldn't see this if they were filming it in my fucking kitchen. An actress who starred in Marvel's Doctor Strange was convicted alongside her husband Tuesday

of repeatedly having sex with a 13-year-old girl over a three-year period. That's a long period for a young girl. What's killing God, little boy! Oh, stop it. That's gross. Zara, I'm just going to say Pythian. Or Fithian.

You know what's funny? She's got a Gisele Maxwell look to her. This fucking English earned her some shit, huh? Thought they were prim and proper. Although I'd let her tickle my taint. Anyway, Zarapithian, I don't know what a fucking Fithian does. A martial artist, oh yeah, I'm scared shit of her. I couldn't drop her.

Look, Amanda Nunes, one thing. This brought, I'm pretty sure I'd grab her shimp haircut and kick her out of the fucking room. A martial artist who played a sorcerer alongside Benedict Cumberbatch, which was my name, by the way, when I was in porn. Big Dick Cumberbatch in the 2016 Marvel flick was unanimously convicted of 14 sex offenses, tripping and roughing the

passer against a child age 13 to 50, the Nottingham Post said. That's not good. My dickhead. Say hello to Giselle. Good looking broad. Her husband, fellow martial, please explain to me how this guy got her and vice versa. Her husband, fellow martial artist, Victor, Victor Mark, 59. Again, he came in third. This is him. He came in third and Bill Cosby looked like he's furious. He goes, I got the nose and everything. 59 was also found

guilty of the same charges as well as three others against the young girl. He was in the poor kid. The husband and wife were remanded in custody and warned that they will get a considerable period in custody. Is that how they say it? In custody?

When sentenced on Monday, the local paper said. Their victim said she was just 13 when the couple plied her with rum and made her have oral sex with Mark after 50 and then in her early 20s first taught her how to do it. My God.

I don't know whether I should cry or jerk off to this story. No, I'm kidding. I'll relax. That's her learning. This might be the funniest show ever. The girl, now an adult, that's good news. Anybody got a number? Told Nottingham Crown Court

that she was abused around 20 times between 2005, 2008. Some of the encounters were filmed. I don't believe you. Show me. Mark admitted having sex with his accuser, but insisted she was 18 at the time. Yeah, right. And that he was alone with her rather than a three. What is he throwing his wife under the bus? With his wife as the victim had testified. I think it was the hat that the girl was.

That the girl was... Got Ted Knight's hat from Caddyshack. Pythian, now 37, denied any sexual... Well, this is a long time ago. Because she was in her early 20s when this shit was going. Denied any sexual activity with a girl and was visibly upset at the verdict, wiping away tears as she was led into custody. Not so funny now, honey.

Wait till those broads in prison show you how to eat pussy. as she was led into custody. You're a liar. Not so funny now, honey. You're a liar, Warren. You know it. Wait till those broads in prison show you how to eat pussy. Oh, oh, and see how you like it. What am I saying? She's already an expert. I want to see them behind bars. I don't mean bartending. I mean behind bars.

A man goes to a party. A man goes to a party. A man goes to Yuck Yucks. He doesn't like the headliner. The headliner gives him the bird. He fires off an angry email to Mr. Yuck Yucks. I don't know. The feature act was canceled. Anyways, what do we got here?

Madonna whore complex. I learned a little bit about this. Because Janice on The Sopranos, when, what's her name? Carmella was going through marital problems. And feeling guilty about being the wife of a mobster. You know, she was doing some soul searching. And Janice is a hippie into psychiatry. She says to Kamala, it's just a woman that's so smart that wants so little from life. Just fucking really digging the knife in her.

She goes, I believe it's called Madonna Whore Complaint. I never looked it up because I had a feeling they were going to mention me by name. I looked it up for this had a family that were going to mention me by name. So I looked it up for this story and that's a guy, this term was invented back in the Roman era, whatever the fuck, religious days, whatever that was. But it's a guy who

looks at women like in two ways. Honey, I hope my wife's not watching this. But you can't get sexually, you're not sexually attracted, but you, you, like, you can't get sexually, you're not sexually attracted, I should say, to women that you really respect, but the women that you are attracted to, you, you think of them just as whores, which, bang, they got me. It's a little too close. I don't think of them as hookers. I'm grateful, even when I was young.

You can't. But yes, yes. Like they call it, Joe Biden calls me a terrorist. You know? And, you know, the Muslims get 72. I don't want 72 virgins. What do we get as American terrorists? I'm hoping 72

I mean, really experienced hookers. 72 nerd virgins. Don't whisper. 72 nerd virgins. There you go. You're shy, aren't you? No, it's the volume. It's your volume. Speak up.

You speak up. What did you say? Nerd virgins? Yeah, exactly. I want 72 filthy. Again, I'm not Muslim. This is irrelevant. I'm just killing time. But Madonna whore complex. For the material girl, this is Madonna. She's grabbing. This guy's kind of funny that wrote this. I picture kind of a artsy fartsy gay critic. You know what I mean? He's kind of catty. He says, for the Material Girl's latest desperate filthy arts and crafts project. This guy's pretty good. She has released three NFTs. You guys know that I finally picked up on this non-fungible tokens, the dumb internet trend. picked up on this non-fungible tokens,

the dumb internet trend. This guy says that I refuse to accept or understand. That's when you have something of value that, whatever, whatever, fuck, I can't even explain. A 3D animated version of herself, completely nude, spread eagle, and giving birth to centipedes and full-sized trees. And it's not even, and he says it's not even Arbor Day. That's a fucking guy.

Fucking guy! Like a porn scene from Westworld, a fembot Madonna sits on a metal operating table in a sterile lab while Central Park exits while Central Park exits in clown car fashion from between her legs. Her song, Justify My Love, plays in the background.

She's a little whore and a little piece of trash. No, no, you leave her be. If she didn't bang so many black guys, I'd be attracted to her snack. Prepare yourself as if we are living in a futuristic dystopian hellscape in which Earth is ruled by hippie sex robots. Madonna's privates have been recreated via computer scans. They make a lot more than a cameo appearance.

And you know it's probably based on her vagina. She's an artist. Check out this video. Hello. Pause. Right there I call a cab. That doesn't look healthy. Lady, you got some green shit growing out of you.

When I said trim your shrubs, I mean trim. All right, go ahead. Oh, this happened to my wife. I don't know why I whacked off to this last one. She's got a tree-mendous pussy. That's... Tree-mendous! That's my cock.

They showed that, like on the New York Post. The girth, that's about right. Now look it, the smell is knocking the leaves off the tree. The girth hits the barrage. Look it. The smell is knocking the leaves off the table. You get the symbolism? Flower opening up like a dirty hole. They don't show the pot with seven gallons of Dennis Robbins load that's been festering in there like hard cider spills. You like that?

Blah, blah, creation. It is perhaps the most obvious piece on motherhood and rebirth ever concocted. Next to garden homage, Georgia O'Keeffe's conspicuously shaped flowers are subtle. That's when I knew the guy was gay. He's making a Georgia O'Keeffe reference. I wouldn't know her if she slapped me in the ass. However, she is a seasoned pro at seeking out ways to rip her clothes off and self-righteously call it art. There was her 1992 book, Sex. art. There was her 1992 book, Sex. That was the name of it. And again, how did I miss that? Oh, I didn't. I get kicked out of Barnes and Noble. Barnes and Noble wasn't around then. Yeah, it was.

What are you shitting me? That's when it was at its peak. I get kicked out of the, it was the feminist study section. And I remember running out of there, right? I had a couple of books from Rocklevin. I got no pants on. Very embarrassing. Anyways, her book, 1992, her raunchy movie, Body of Evidence. She posed topless on Instagram in April and last February. Hey, for a guy who doesn't like you, you should follow her.

Stabbed for attention five days. This is what happens, though. She was so huge when she was young. I mean, it's got to, two things can happen. Somebody explain this to me. You can, when something, when you get that famous,

you can either just be grateful and know, you know, you got kind of lucky a little bit, but you either grateful or you believe your press clippings and that you're, and you turn into that, but there's nothing wrong with that picture. Sure, it's not, my wife didn't like it. I had her on my desk next to her. Anyway, star for attention, five days ago, Madge tweeted, how about this, now she's, now she's trolling the Pope. five days ago, Madge tweeted, how about this, now she's trolling the Pope. Five days ago,

Madge, that's her, tweeted at the Pope Francis and asked if they could meet to discuss her blasphemous behavior. The pontiff, knowing ancient Latin texts are more interesting, didn't reply. The guy says he holy ghosted her. The guy says he holy ghosted her. The woman who burned crosses in music videos is begging for the Vatican to condemn her. How sad, he says. And it's kind of true. That's all she wants, to get a rise out of the Pope. Oh, boy.

Her poor vagina must look like a Johnny Bench catches mint from the late 60 all bashed in and fucking linseed oil just all dried up you punch it dust comes out of it there are white niggers oh goodness

I haven't seen a lot of white niggers in my time watch your mouth Senator Bird you racist pig face. In our reverse the races segment tonight, Eric Reid sounds like a defensive back for any team in the NFL. That's him, though. That's him.

This is a guy. He just had this removed from his head. Eric Reid, the trainer of Rich Strike. That's right, Dick Strike. The horse who improbably won the Kentucky Derby. We mentioned this, right? I already mentioned this yesterday. About the 81 shot.

He's 81 long shot. Was asked about a derogatory tweet. This one got me going, too. He was alleged to have sent about Vice President Kamala Harris, who, by the way, you notice she's been hiding from the world for, I don't know, the last couple of months. She is such a disgrace and a failure. She's hiding in shame. Nobody likes her. In January, Sebastian Gorka, you guys know who he is? You must. I'm sure you watch a little bit of Fox. He does commercials for pain relief. I don't know why they picked him.

He's got this fucking Eastern European, and he's got this deep voice. One of my balls hurt, I think. Hi, I'm Sebastian Gorka. In January, Sebastian Gorka, a former advisor to President Trump, asked, so what exactly are Kamala's qualifications? That's all he asked. Somebody asked Eric Reid, what are Kamala's qualifications? You know, and he said.

It's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. So we all thought that he was a fan, but he surprised us. An account whose handle is atdaddyrabbit1964 Help me out. You grew up in Alabama. What does that mean? And went by the name of Eric Reed. This would be a hell of a coincidence if it's not him. Responded

This is what he responded to. I heard she's good on her knees. This is her trying to get the vice president. Reid appeared on ESPN's Outside the Lines on Wednesday. And John Barr, this asshole, asked him if he had sent that tweet. Let's take a look here. I have to ask you.

No, you don't. Was that your actual account, and was that a tweet from you? And if so, what do you have to say about that? I haven't seen anything about it. I haven't been told about it. I don't know what's going on out there. I'm more concerned with Richie and what's going on with us and this great horse and how much he's helping

everybody. I don't know nothing about that. He should have been like Hummin' Hummin' Hummin' Hummin' First of all, ESPN get rid of your stupid show that is taking the fun out of sports. Start it with Jeremy

Schaap and Brian Gumbel on HBO stupid show that has taken the fun out of sports. Started with Jeremy Shapp. Let's, and Brian Gumbel on HBO, remember his show, Real Sport. Let's go to the, let's go to the hockey puck factory, see if we can find any races, you know, just fucking, just take, again, what liberals do, they show up and ruin fucking everything. So what? This is what, this is where he disappoints me. He should have come out and went, yeah, that was me. What about it? Oh, she's off limits because she's the first black female vice president? What if the guy was black and said it about, I'm sure I could look up quotes from actual

Democrat black politicians saying shit about Melania. Would that make the national fucking news? Wouldn't even get a blink. I wish this guy said, yeah, he said a lot of other, and I'm going to say more shit. You know why? Because Elon Musk is going to bail me out. He answered it like a lawyer. That's that Southern slipperiness. I ain't heard nothing about it. Ain't seen nothing about it. Ain't seen nothing about it. I'm just wary about the horse making me rich. Back to you, shithead.

It's ESPN, we have to ask you. It's not Meet the Press. Tell me how the fucking Bruins game went, you dink. In summation, this answer could neither be construed as a confirmation nor denial. Make a good lawyer. But here's what made me laugh. The atdaddyrabbit1964 Twitter account is currently private. The bio on the account says,

I don't know, it might be him, horse trainer and Reagan conservative, fantasy football fanatic, owner of Mercury Equine Center, Equine, the Mercury Equine Center. Equine. The Mercury Equine Center is the home track of Rich Struyck. Gee, I don't know if it's him. I really, I...

I don't know nothing about that. Ah, bullshit. Answered it. Sir, you could have been more honest, honestly. I'm begging you people, although he, I don't know how he gets canceled. I don't know. But I'm just saying. I was thinking about this.

I saw the Cleveland Guardians last night. And I was thinking, it sounds so stupid. It sounds fucking retarded. And I'm like, you know, we, it's our country and shit. It's a democracy. There's about six Native Americans who are upset about the name. These actual Native Americans who said, leave it alone. Leave the Redskins name alone.

So you know what you do? Us people who watch football, you keep using it. You keep saying Cleveland Indians, Cleveland Indians, any chance you get. Matter of fact, stop putting out your own garb. I mean, that's how you fight it, right, with being politically incorrect. Just keep saying it and shit and really take it far. Go to the games, you're going to hatch it stuck in a white guy's head, stuff like that.

But anyways, I digress. This race, I'm not a horse race guy. This, this is, you've got to understand, you know, here's the gates, right? The favorite horse, I think it gets the best position, am I right? I think so, On the inside. And it goes one to 21. He's out here. Obviously, when you start way out here in a race, that's a circle.

He started out here. He was a fill-in for some other horse. He's 80 to fucking one. Keep all this in mind. And what I love here, this guy is a great judge. That's calling the race. He doesn't even realize. This guy is, see the arrow,

the second arrow pointing down? When we play this, keep your eye on that second arrow. That's him. It's like me in traffic having to take a dump, getting to the comedy cellar. You watch the maneuvering. It's like a New York cab driver. And the announcer, who's doing play-by-play, doesn't even realize until near the end.

This is why we love sports. Go ahead. Keep an eye on the second arrow in the back. What's he got, a third gear, fifth gear? Look at him. Simplification down the outside is next. They're coming down to the wire. Apple Center's handed. Rich Strike is coming up on the inside. Oh, my goodness. The longest shot has won the Kentucky.

Hey, everybody. We're all going to get laid. How awesome was that? I don't understand. I don't understand. I don't understand where I... Did they do a drug test yet? I'm sorry to be so cynical. I've never seen a horse have like a sixth gear.

That was like watching a running back break loose. They're going to pump that horse dry. Exactly. Oh, you mean stud-wise? Oh, God, the poor prick. He's going to be exhausted. And after the race, real quick, there's shit on the internet. You can look up. They have something called outsiders, I think they're called. They're guys on horses who work for the Kentucky Derby. They're in red coats. They sort of get alongside the winning horse and guide him. But this one

jerk-off was pulling the winning horse's reins into his horse. And he kept doing it. And somebody on the internet filmed it and slowed it. And he's punching. The horse started biting his horse. But that's because he was yanking on his reins

and pulling him into his horse. Like five, ten times. And he punches the winning horse in the side of the head. And again, folks, I'm not an expert. I'm just saying. I'm just reporting what I saw. Maybe you go, that's normal. But it looked, some guy that was watching it and commenting on the videotape said,

this guy should be nowhere near professional horse racing or any horse. It was pretty disturbing, but 80 to 1. And another thing I have to look up is who had money on. I want to know who scored. Somebody must have, right? Anyways, good for you, Rich Strike. Strike Rich, Richard Strike, Good for you, Rich Strike. Strike Rich. Richard Strike. Dick Strike. Anyhe.

Is this the final? No. Two more. Two more. We'll see how fast I go. This is very interesting. Let's stay in the sports world. I call the story Sand Trap.

The former world number one. Talk about Greg Norman, golfer, retired, filthy rich. He was a former world number one. Was speaking at a media briefing a month before the first event of the Saudi-backed, is that LIV or 54? I think it's LIV. L is 50, right? Yeah. Let's say LIB. We don't know if that's Roman numerals.

Golf Invitational Series. Phil Mickelson and Lee Westwood are among the professionals to have asked for the required release from established tours to play the 50-hole event at Centurion Club near London. Did I miss the beginning of the story? This is a golf thing they're putting together for Saudi Arabia, all the rich princes and shit because they love golf too, right? All rich people do.

They want to compete with the PGA Tour, which I'm sorry, but it's a free market. It's a free world. So I don't know. The only problem is the quality of people they're dealing with. Anyways, at the Centurion Club near London, which boasts an eye-watering prize fund of $25 million. Like, for one tournament.

Are you shitting me? I'll get in that. Oh, boy, is this great. But it was reported in the United States on Tuesday that the PGA Tour was refusing to give players permission to take part. Any golfers who go ahead and play in the June 9th or 11th event would be deemed to be in violation of tour regulations, opening the door to possible suspension or exclusion. All right, get up. That'd be fun.

It's kind of funny. All the biggest names in golf get kicked out of their own, you know, like they used to treat blacks and Jews at the country club. Wow, what am I, liberal? Britain's Daily Telegraph reported that officials on the DP World's Tour,

that is formerly the European Tour, had followed their U.S. counterparts by taking a similar stance. Greg Norman, chief executive of LIB Golf, this is the this guy's a, they say he's as good a businessman, better than he was a golfer.

He's chief executive of LIB Golf Investments, said the PGA Tour was intent on perpetuating its illegal monopoly of what should be a free and open market. Remember, this guy's a capitalist. The Tour's action is anti-golf or anti-fan and anti-competitive, he said. Then he said, but no matter what obstacles the Tour puts in our way, we will not be stopped.

We will continue to give players options that promote the great sport of golf globally. No tour owns the game of golf, and we feel we're on the right side of history. If you so choose to want, as an independent contractor, to come and play with us, we've got your back, he says. He's a businessman. Defend, this is, and in quotes, this is what they'll do for you if you go to their to defend, reimburse. I'll break it down to three very simple things he says we'll defend reimburse and we'll represent you this guy he's i am like god and god like me i am as large as god he is as small as i he cannot above me nor I. It's him, baby. The age is 17th century.

Asked if his legal team had injunctions in place to protect. Remember we showed a picture of him walking on the beach with his giant cock? Remember? You don't remember that one? And there's a couple of them out there. He goes, what can I say? He is rich as they come as far as athletes go, and he's got a giant cock. That's not fair.

You know what I mean? I don't have his money. What? Neither one. Injunctions play to protect players in the face of any bans, including potentially from major championships, Norman said. In other words, if they get banned from PGA, they'll have your back. Six-time major winner, and this is an easy one, Phil Mickelson has not played since triggering uproar in February following the publication of remarks he made last year concerning the new series. This is Mickelson speaking. He's actually skinny now for him.

The 51-year-old described the Saudi financial backers of the LIB series as scary, with a horrible record on human rights. That's their new theme for the golf. That's their new theme for the golf. Boy, are these guys good. Anyways, on human rights, but said he was willing to deal with them in order to gain leverage to reshape the PGA Tour. Hey, and of course he gets condemned for being honest. And he's right.

We've been doing business with these sickos for how many years, as far as oil and everything else. So let's not pretend. And only in today's America can you get blowback for that. He's actually being honest, going, yeah, I fucking, and Phil Mickelson, if you don't know him, he loves to gamble. I mean, $25 million pot. Are you shitting me? You'd have to put up the National Guard to keep him from getting in that tournament. I like him. He's a fucking wild man.

Anyways, hanging over any discussion of justice and legal reform in Saudi Arabia is the 20... Yeah, this little speed bump, this is where they're having a little bit of problem with who's going to run the tournament, is the 2018 murder and dismemberment of critic and columnist Jamal Khashoggi in the Kingdom's Istanbul Consulate. You guys remember that, don't you? Guys are journalists. They chopped him up like firewood. But Mickelson's, I don't give a shit. That's water under the goddamn, what you call, bridge here.

A U.S. intelligence assessment found de facto ruler, Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, these guys have harems and shit, approved an operation to capture, I love the idea, by the way. I just got a great idea for a movie. They're going to steal it now. Got to do a Caddyshack. They already did a couple Caddyshacks, right? That stunk. The first one was the best. Got to do another one, though, only where, you know, it's Arabs running the place. Salman approved an operation to capture. In other words, the guy that's involved, the prince, he approved, allegedly, the operation to kill Khashoggi and have him chopped up. We don't know if that's true.

Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again. Never tell anybody outside the family what you're thinking again. Here is what I picture. Here's what I picture when Arabs are running a golf tournament. It's going to make it way more interesting. You're going to see shit like this. Hello, I'm born! Hello, I'm born!

Hello, I'm born! You don't want to hit one into the sand trap. That's all I'm saying. Finally tonight I meet my sister-in-law. Surely you can't be serious. Don't call me Shirley. A passenger with no flying experience. It was a great story this was.

Radioed an urgent plea for help when the pilot of a small plane suddenly fell ill off of Florida's Atlantic coast and was able to land the plane safely with the help of air traffic control. The guy had no idea how to fly a plane apparently, but Jesus Christ, he should be getting a Hummer. He was the best guy around. He was the only guy around. I've got a serious situation here, the man said. Can you imagine being that calm? Tuesday afternoon, according to audio from liveatc.net,

a website that broadcasts and archives air traffic controller communication. Hey, I want to go to that. It sounds fun, doesn't it? My pilot has gone incoherent. I have no idea how to fly the airplane. Oh, my God. I think I would have just shit my pants. An air traffic controller

in Fort Pierce responded, asking if he knew the position of the single engine Cessna 208. And the guy said, yeah, it's pointing straight down right now. Help me out. We have video? Yeah. Go ahead. Can you fly this plane and land it?

Surely you can't be serious. I am serious. And don't call me Shirley. I'm sorry I blew the punchline earlier. That's called an early reveal. I have no idea, he says, the guy who doesn't know how to fly the plane, who's sitting at the wheel now. I've got

to question his story a little bit. I have no idea. I can see the coast of Florida in front of me, and I have no idea the passengers said. According to Flight Aware, the plane had taken off earlier Tuesday from Marsh Harbor International Airport in the Bahamas. The aircraft was occupied

by the pilot and two passengers, according to the FAA news release. Officials haven't identified any of the people who were in there. Who the fuck are you? Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you? As the plane flew over Florida, controller Christopher Flores,

speaking very calmly, told the guy, some kind of fucking guy, told the passengers to maintain wings level. What? That would mean nothing to him. So the guy's doing this in a... And try to follow the coast, either north or southbound. Twin controls enable a Cessna 208

to be steered from either passenger, you know, the driver's seat or the passenger seat, like my station wagon. Hummer, hummer, hummer, hummer. I would have died, I think. Then the man's voice seemed to fade. Aye, aye, aye. So the controller in Fort Pierce

asked for the passenger's cell phone number to enable controllers at Palm Beach International Airport to communicate with him more clearly. Hello? Hello? Hello? So you're going to tell me this motherfucker's up in a plane. He can get a signal, but I can't get one in my office.

Sometimes. Comcast. So now they're talking to him on his cell phone. Air traffic controller Bobby Morgan, Robert Morgan, a 20-year veteran, took over at that point, talking the passenger down to a safe landing. Morgan is a certified flight instructor with experience piloting Cessna aircraft, the FASA. Kudos, he said, to the new pilot, one controller told him, after the plane smoothly wheeled down the tarmac.

How about that, man? Are you... Now, I just got a couple quick questions. Why do we not know who was in there? Number one. Number two, God, I had a whole bunch last night and I put on a hockey gift.

But why don't we know the fucking, you know, and why don't we know what happened to the pilot? Can you give us a little, you know what I'm saying? Did he just faint? COVID?

Did he have a heart? There's a trend going on, folks, and it's driving me nuts now. It's so ironic. We live in a world where there's no privacy, thanks to the internet. Yet now, when there's a baseball injury, somebody dies,

you can't get any details. Please, I'm telling you people on the news, don't bring up somebody famous that died and then not tell us fucking how because that's all anybody wants to know and they're doing it in sports now yeah he's out I hear a guy go

he's going to be out a week and I'm waiting you know they don't even mention it's the weirdest fucking thing anybody dies they go they don't have the cause yet

but am I supposed to stay glued for the next six months that does it for the week ladies and gentlemen Anybody dies. They go, they don't have the cause yet. But am I supposed to stay glued for the next six months? That does it for the week, ladies and gentlemen. But before I go, I'd like to thank you people contributing to the show financially, both on, you know, from time to time. And we have some new monthly subscribers. Again, we can't do this without you. Thank you for one-time contributors. Ed Midgley, Rhode Island. Ryan Hello, Sagnella, Foster of Oregon. Kit Fortney, defensive back,

Michigan. Chris Derrico, Ohio. James Rickleman, Oklahoma. Phillip Woodard, North Carolina. Mark Hamblin, sounds like a NASCAR, California. David Hertz, California. Slasher McGurk, Washington. Ed Schmidt, Illinois. Paul Sagnella, who apparently slept, my wife slept with her back in the day. Good looking guy too. I noticed that she would like that in Dirty Filthy. Anybody that looks like a Tony Danza. Anyway, Cynthia Jessup. That's right. Jessup. Colonel Jessup. This is funny. That's what this is.

Wisconsin. Larry Ramey of Ohio. Keith Courtney, United Kingdom. That would be England. Ryan Anderson of Massachusetts. Buddy Sean Powell in Florida. Austin Pardee, Nevada. Luis Arazia, Florida.

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You guys think it, I'll say it. You're very welcome. Have a great weekend. We'll see you on Monday. guitar solo Outro Music