The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden "We Shall Respond" | Nick Di Paolo Show #1518

Episode Date: January 31, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Joe's "retaliation," MAGA's "Swift" action and more! Support the show and snag $100 off your 1st 6 bottles of wine when you go to https://www.nakedwines.com/NICKDIP and use the code and password NICKDIP Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 You're crazy! I'm not crazy, I just don't give a fuck! Hi! Welcome to the show. I'm your host, Shirley McLean. Good to be with you. How you doing, folks? Wednesday, the great state of Georgia. Good to be with you. World coming apart at the seams. We're already in World War III, but nobody wants to say that, I guess. I don't know why. Oh that's right the Democrats in White House and the media wouldn't dare. It's an election year and I, my wife says I should stop doing this

shit it's making me mental. Because I have a tendency to throw shit at the TV and fucking, she hears me talking to myself in the shower. It's bullshit. Having arguments with imaginary fucking anchors. I don't know folks and there is a I sort of look there's a part of me that just would like to take a break from this shit and write a new special

comedy about whatever but I'm too I'm in too deep as they say they tell you to write about what you feel strongly about and this is where I went. I don't have kids and shit. I don't want to turn into that comic that I always fucking didn't like to turn into too much of this shit.

But come on. These are interesting times. And I can make it funny, Biden getting his head chopped off. Somebody's going to do it. That's true. Well, leave it to Crowder. Apparently he's much better at it. Anyways, what the hell else happened since yesterday?

Happy birthday. Oh, fuck. When you said that, it's like you just reminded me I had cancer. I got this pit in my stomach. Thank you. 62. 62. What do you got there oh water tequila oh Jesus the fuck

what are you trying to do I'm not gonna say it I can't oh my you know I really okay that is much better than orange juice

in the morning holy shit now you see where alcoholics come from. Oh, yes. That's why I love Vegas, man. That's my favorite part of Vegas. When I'm a comedian, when I'm as a comedian,

when I used to play Vegas, they'd have you do morning radio at like 6 o'clock. I'd come downstairs, and there'd be people that I saw the night before still standing at the slot machine. Guy, 88 years old, in a members-only jacket with an oxygen tank. Fucking gin and tonic. Yeah, this is your lucky day. You haven't had one in 80 years.

Fucking, he's in front of the Wheel of Fortune machine. Putting his grandson's college education money. Ah, come on! Bankrupt. Anyhow, enough of the flibby flattity flattity. Let's get right to it. Jerk-off Joe will retaliate, if you want to believe that. He's so weak on the world stage.

And the administration, the message is weak. You guys realize it's not liberal anymore. It's Marxist. And that's not an exaggeration. The OCs of the world, the people calling the shots, those are fucking socialist slash Marxist. That's who's running the fucking...

Anyhow, President Biden on Tuesday indicated he had decided on how to respond after the three U.S. soldiers were killed in a drone attack. And he said he's going to do this. Then a strongly worded email that Jill will write. Attack that his administration blamed that attack on Iran-backed militia groups. Yeah, well, they've been doing it for a year. Our soldiers

have been hit 190 times over there and we have replied 10 times. Just want to let you know. In fucking sane. That's about right for his. He's never made, everybody knows this about him, he's never made the right call on foreign policy since he came to Washington in the late 60s. They literally have, he didn't want to get bin Laden. He's been wrong on every frigging one of them.

What are we doing? None of your business. What's going on right now? Get out of the fucking room. Men are talking here, Joe. Speaking to reporters at the White House before leaving for a campaign event in Florida, the Bingo Championships on C-SPAN,

the president said yes when asked if he had a tiny pee-pee. He had decided, he said yes when they asked him if he had decided on a response, but he didn't offer any details because there are none. The president said he held Iran responsible because they had supplied the weapons to the people who perpetrated the attack. Did you just find that out, you dinkweed fuckstain? But qualified that he did not wish to escalate tensions with the Islamic Republic. And we know how the Islamic Republic takes, you know, that comment as what a weak fag, basically. Dallas knows firsthand. And yeah, you don't want to piss off the people that just killed three of your soldiers.

We don't want to war with them. Could you sound like a bigger girl? That's the beauty of Trump. He wouldn't let you know. Whatever we're going to do, we don't want to piss these guys off. They seem angry. I don't think we need a wider war in the Middle East, said Biden. That's not what I'm looking for.

Oh, is that what this is about? What you're looking for? Total control of the fucking world. National Security Council spokesman John Kirby, who can't wait to get the fuck out of this job, told reporters traveling with Biden on Air Force One that he would not preview the U.S. response, but indicated it would come in phases. Could you elaborate? Phase one, then phase two.

It's very possible that what you'll see is a tiered approach here, not just a single action, but potentially multiple actions over a period of time. Look at his face. That's his permanent face, this poor bastard, since he's come to the White House. There have been a total of 166 attacks on U.S. military. Now it's 190 when I read today.

On installations since October 18th, including 67 in Iraq. Aren't you glad you're out of it, Dallas? 98 in Syria, and now one in Jordan. She's beautiful. Have you seen her? I'd like to interact with Jordan. Meanwhile, Houdi and the Blowfish militants based in Yemen have a new album out called Kill the Infidel, have been firing upon commercial vessels in the Red Sea, prompting retaliatory strikes from the U.S. and its jerk-off allies. On Tuesday, Al Assad, good friend of mine, air base in western Iraq was targeted again by a single rocket, but there was no damage and no injury.

That's not damage. There's a fucking hole in the ground. I know. Damage to the ground. No damage, no injuries in the attack, a U.S. military official said. So they said, we'll leave it alone. I added, you fucking people.

You have no idea how to defend a nation. They really don't. They want to take our nation down from the inside, our own people. So it's really confusing. Hey, let's take a break and make some money. You guys know I love a good glass of wine because I'm Italian, but I hate knowing that I'm paying for the brand's marketing and expensive packaging.

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Okay, folks, what you got to do is head to nakedwines.com slash NickDip and click enter voucher in the top right of the website and put in NickDip for both the code and password to get, listen to this, six bottles of wine for just $39.99 with shipping included. That's $100 off and less than seven bucks per bottle. That's nakedwines.com slash Nick dip and use the code in the password Nick dip and grab six bottles for just $39.99. One last time, that's nakedwines.com slash Nick dip code and password Nick dip for a hundred bucks off your first six bottles of wine. And we thank them for sponsoring the show today. It's good stuff, actually. Hey, in the second half of the show, boys and girls, I'll be showing you footage of a black fella attacking some New York police

with a machete actually inside the police station. Just par for the course. You know, that's a Tuesday in New York. Also, Harvard has another plagiarism scandal on its dirty liberal hands. And that's what happens when you check boxes instead of using merit to hire somebody. And that's how they're taking the country down. Anyways, it's exclusively exclusively on Mug Club. So join now. You do that at nickdip.com. Aight. Aight. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com

to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time.

You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. MAGA to take swift action. Singer-songwriter Taylor Swift hasn't even endorsed President Joe Biden. I got this from Yahoo News, by the way, so you'll be able to tell. That's her when she saw me get out of the shower. She's like, holy moly, where did it go? What? It's duct tape. The best disappearing act ever.

Yeah. Come on. I got it tucked under there. I'm like the guy in Hannibal Lecter. Anyways, Taylor Swift hasn't even endorsed Biden for reelection yet. That hasn't stopped. Again, this is written by Yahoo, very left. That hasn't stopped members of Magalans. Let me know where that is. It's a theme park. Oh, that would be great. Dude, you just hit a... Oh, write it down, dude you just hit a oh write it down dude i'm already designing the rides trump i can just see a giant trumpet the roller coaster comes out of his mouth uh maga lands up across from plotting to declare as one source close to donald trump calls it oh really what source is that first of all a holy war on the pop megastar, especially if she ends up publicly backing the Democrats in the 2024 election. While Swift has not yet issued an endorsement in the 2024 race,

there's a clip online of her dad trying to talk her out of it, I think. I don't know if that was old and they were talking about the last election. It was pretty cool, though. The New York Times reported Monday that Swift is a key name on Biden-AIDS wish list of potential surrogates. I guess you're giving up on the Rihannas of the world and the black rap stars and shit. Who's the black rapper girl that loves Trump? I forget. It's real popular. Not Lil' Kim, but I don't know.

I can't tell them apart. Me. Oh, my God. Me either. And it's not just the music. No, but the one I'm talking about is really hot, actually. Yeah, well, they've all got, like, the thick makeup and 10-inch nails and updos. You're talking about every black chick.

Yeah. Exactly. Not just the rappers. I see that every day at the salon. In recent weeks, the former president, the black girls love those artificial eyelashes. Now they're putting artificial eyelashes

on their artificial eyelashes. I was at the bank the other day. The girl blinked and she blew papers off the counter. Fucking blink. In recent weeks, the former president has told people in his orbit

that no amount of A-list celebrity endorsements will save Biden. That's what Trump said. I sort of agree. In any other year, this could be a threat. I mean, she's fucking got a huge following. But I love the way Trump takes it.

That's probably his reaction right there. Trump has also privately claimed that he is more popular than Swift, which I would, it's close. It's like only he could say that and be right. And that he has more committed fans than she does, which is true. Young people, what, are you going to get out of bed then when it's time to vote? You're high and hungover? A person close to Trump and another source with the knowledge of the matter told Rolling Stone that he said that.

So, you know, but Trump doesn't look that worried. I am your voice. Yes, but she has a nice voice. This would actually be the entrance to Megaland. Oh, my God. Look it, you she has a nice voice. This would actually be the entrance to Megaland. Oh my God. Look it, you're already plotting this shit. Let's take out a loan today. Put away your movie shit. We're going to go down to Home

Depot. The former president has already taken public swipes at Swift because of her endorsement of two Tennessee Democrats running during the 2018 midterms. I like Taylor's music, he says, about 25% less now since she endorsed those. Trump said, anyway, Swift also blasted Trump during the 2020 election, accusing him of trying to blatantly cheat. This is weird. She's a young girl. Again,

we don't, sorry. Even the Democrats, I think, have had enough of Biden. So I don't know. Accusing him of trying to blatantly cheat and put millions of Americans' lives at risk, as opposed to what jerk-off Joe, the guy you voted for now, is doing. Following the Trump administration's efforts to hinder mail-in voting during the COVID panic, pandemic. Yeah. She said that right in the middle. Let's give her, you know, right at the fucking whatever, at the beginning.

But just come on and admit you're wrong and say, I'm staying out of it. Why doesn't everybody do? And I should have taken his advice. Michael Jordan. They said to Michael Jordan, how come you never talk about politics? He goes, because Republicans and Democrats buy sneakers. Great answer. Beautiful. Beautiful. never talk about politics he goes because republicans and democrats buy sneakers beautiful beautiful every celebrity and athlete should respond i know i know hey john cusack if you're watching i hope you die of cancer real slow for the next fucking 20 years i hope you shit blood in the morning every day and your eyes fall out. That's tomorrow. And then it gets hard.

What a blow. First of all, that guy's the shittiest fucking, got the charisma of a snow tire. How the fuck he made it in showbiz? Now he's got a big, stay out there and get more stupid, Cusack. Since Biden is so weak, they need others to shore up his credibility. Won't matter since his disapproval is driving the race. Voters aren't fools, John McLaughlin, a top pollster who just got a new hairdo, for Trump says in a response to Rolling Stone's questions regarding Ms. Swift.

You are correct, sir. I really do. I think that in a normal year, but when you hear middle-of-the-road people, independents, Joe's hemorrhaging young people, black people, it's a different... Don't get me wrong. If she comes out hard, but I don't think she's gonna.

And leave her the fuck alone. She likes football. She's dating one of the greatest tight ends ever, for Christ's sake. Yes, they're gonna put the camera on her. She's world famous and so is he. Let him fuck. Put that on air. What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? Taylor, I'm kidding. You seem like a nice, nice girl, but

stay the fuck out of it. Yeah, don't buy it. Menotauk, I know you don't. I know you don't. Dallas is convinced that the NFL, it's fucking rigged and that's why the Chiefs are in the Super Bowl God bless you you think like a goddamn mafiosa

not for nothing this thing's rigged yeah I don't trust shit oh I do who are you fucking talking to here how do you think I got my fans by going listen believe women about rape no about plagiarism all of it I got my fans by going, listen, believe women. About rape?

No, about plagiarism. All of it. Any he, any how. Who do you like, Dallas, in the Super Bowl? If it were a real actual game not rigged? Oh, will you stop? I don't know. It's actually going to be a pretty tight one.

It should be. If the 49ers bring their A game, like I told you a month ago, I'm like, nobody's going to beat these fuckers. And then they, you know, Purdy looked human. But if he brings his A game, it should be a good one. And I'm no Chiefs fan. I don't dislike them, but I got to give Chiefs the edge right now, only because that defense is way better than I ever realized.

And momentum. I mean, 49ers had to rely on some Lions mistakes, several of them. Yes. I mean, they were getting smacked around at halftime. And the Lions, like they always do, because they have that cancer gene called losing for the last thousand years, flubbed it away. I wanted them in there, though.

That would have been ballsy to watch Detroit burn after they won the Super Bowl. That's all they know how to do. Happy celebrations. Everything goes on fire. That's true. They do it up in Canada. When Calgary won the Cup or Vancouver. I think it was Vancouver.

I don't know who the fuck it was, but they burnt... I go, those are white people. There's no shit to steal out of them stores. Fucking smoked meats. That's all they got up there. Hey, guys, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of this show. Everyone else go to nickdip.com and join to get my full show and the great Stephen Crowder's full show and a whole lot more. While you're there, click on my tour button.

You'll see that date that I've been pushing for a while now. And let me tell you something. Got a nice bump from Crowder putting up that, Crowder put up a little tribute, like a 45-minute tribute to me. Basically saying, come, because he's dying soon. No. May 11th. I'll repeat that. May 11th, Count theater red bank new jersey and i i'm honest i'm when i say this i talk a lot of shit jersey has always been great to me right from the time i moved from boston new york i was a young comic i only had

to play jersey these one night is a couple times before they're like they will buy my cds and shit you know same sensibilities, only without the accent. You know what I'm talking about? You've got a few fans, actually, that have stated they're going to be going cross-state from Texas and other places to come see you. Oh, fuck yeah. So they're making plans for it.

You wouldn't believe how much that happens, man. Fucking, I'm like, what? I always question it, too. Somebody drove from Minneapolis to fucking, where was I, Florida? I go, no, you didn Somebody drove from Minneapolis to fucking, where was I, in Florida? I go, no, you didn't. No, you didn't. It's fucking, it's Flag Day.

You're visiting your parents or some shit. They're like, no, man. God, and you know how much that, that means more to a comic than fucking anything. But I appreciate it. So come on out on May 11th at the Count Basie Theater. And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started, I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no I'm not like everybody else

I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get in trouble like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else What are you? I'm not like everybody else