The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden's "Brain" Freeze | Nick Di Paolo Show #1586

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Biden lost, Round Rock Ruckus, Michigan Ruckus and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

["Sailor Moon Theme"] I don't know if it's me or sounds better. Folks how are you? Welcome to the show on a Monday. When's the last time I was with you? Welcome to the show on a Monday. When's the last time I was with you, before I went to Texas? Right, haven't seen you since then. Interesting going on there. I'll update you later in the second half of the show.

Remember I had an incident at a bar in Texas, and blah, blah, blah. Well, they threatened to arrest me this time. And what am I, a fucking outlaw in nineteen eighteen fifty eight coming in with a swing indoors you greasy guinea anyways I'll update you on that pretty interesting get new we have new equipment here we have a mini mini Tri caster and so if there's any there might be some glitches we might have to work out. This is the first day we're using this stuff, and it was a ton for Dallas to learn. And, you know, so bear with us, but in the end, it's going to, the picture's going to

be much better and supposedly easier, Dallas. I don't know. I'll call the Japs who built this shit. Give me a fucking. What the fuck else? Sports wise, real quick, Edmonton put a hurt on the Florida Panthers 8-1. They were down three games to nothing and they fucking left a dent. So anyways, is that tonight?

No, the Celtics are tonight. Celtics could end it. They got the shit kicked out of it by Dallas They just didn't even show up for the fucking that game Uh, and uh red sox my red saw this day i'm becoming one of the stories of baseball dallas I again they have five four or five starters out I mean star players abreyu Uh tristan Casas

Stories gone for the fucking year. We got these guys even the Yankee broadcasters. I watch their thing. They're like it's the it's like You're talking about the Red Sox. It's Raphael Devers and who? That's and they're right. I mean, it's a bunch of no-name the young guys who all Honestly, God, they all look like they're gonna be above above average players they throw the ball around every once while I get there now but they beat they took two out of three from the Phillies then the Yankees came into town we took two out of three from the Yankee two best teams of baseball the pitching has always been good all year I know I'm getting excited you guys you don't give a fuck. It's not your team.

I'm just saying, it is unbelievable what they're pulling off. They're two games over 500. They have no business being even near 500 for what they've gone through. And they're starting to get some guys back. But they stole nine bases against the Yankees last night. It is a franchise record.

They've been around for 125 years, the Red Sox. They were stealing bases. They looked like a National League team back in the day when the National League was more athletic and fast Yankees and it's the most stolen bases the Yankees ever gave up in one game in their history fucking insane timely hitting Skinny Hispanic guys you confuse them, but they all can run like deer Jaren Duran is gonna be a fucking all-star this year he was a rookie and so so last year this fucking kid has come into his own he's already get 10 or 11 triples 17 stolen bases whatever anyways enough of that that's about it let's get to them enough fun let's get to them. Enough fun.

Let's get to the dark world we're living in. Jesus. Anyways, President Biden, do you see this chooch? Appeared to freeze up on stage. He had a big fundraiser, you know, in friggin' LA and all the jerk-offs came up. Can you imagine back in this fool? Anyways, he appeared to freeze up on stage and had to be let off by his grandson, Barack Obama,

at the conclusion of a star-studded campaign fundraiser in Los Angeles Saturday night. Every asshole in the book was there. The awkward moment took place after Biden and his predecessor, that would be Obama, sat for a 45-minute interview with late-night host, a guy I used to like who I just… And again, I guess politics shouldn't get in the way of it, but what the fuck? He must be a plant to some shit. Jimmy Kimmel? I don't know what he's thinking. As the men stood for applause, Biden gazed seemed to become fix on the crowd like there was a 12-year-old girl with pigtails for a full 10 seconds until the former president Barack Obama took his wrist and said,

Hey, Grampy, time to go. Watch this mama Luke staring out at the crowd. He don't know where the fuck he is right now is when he loses it he goes what am I looking at hey grampy got a shit in your pants let's go let's go change. Oh my god. What are we doing? What's going on right now? The incident follows a spate, I like to say spat, of caught on camera moments where Biden appeared dazed and confused, a big Led Zeppelin fan, about where he was including when he appeared to wander off at the G7 summit in Apula, Apula I should say, Italy during parachute

exhibition. I should say a parachute exhibition. Fucking Italian guy wrote this out of, but how does it do it? Look at they're all looking up going, look at Biden going, yeah that's what he's doing. Right now there's a deuce sliding down his left leg and he's in heaven Oh, this is the second video right this is when again so he just showed him wandering off which was Sunday night I think on Saturday This is a couple days before that the g7 summit and the woman who grabs him brings him back to life It's the prep the prime minister of Italy who who's a right-winger who I fucking love anyways, but he's like a little kid in a supermarket with his parents. Watch him wander off here. I heard an ice cream truck. I smell ice cream. What are we doing? What are we doing? What's going on right now?

Look, look. Oh, the poor bastard, his family. All right, I can't take no more. In that instance, Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Maloney, who's to the right of Mussolini, lover, stepped in to gently take Biden by his neck and laid him back in time for a group photo with other world jerk-offs. The Biden campaign raised more than $30 million at the event, which was attended, oh, this is back to the Hollywood event, attended by Hollywood luminaries like George Clooney, Julia Roberts, and Barbra Streisand. I luminaries like George Clooney, Julia Roberts, and Barbara Streisand. I want to like George Clooney, you know. The event was also swarmed by hundreds of anti-Israel protesters, which speaks a lot, doesn't it? So get this, that's a kid

that they're raising funds out in LA and there's protests going on outside because of him, who attempted to block entry to the Ritzy gala tickets which reigns to get to the gala 250 dollars to a half a million I should have been scalping holy fucking mo you believe that chat do you believe that shit so but but Trump is destroying, even raising money. Trump is kicking his ass. But you know how embarrassing that has to be? I mean, he's the leader of the free world. And don't think that China and Russia and Iran, you know, optics are kind of important. And when Trump was in office, they were scared shitless.

They didn't know what this guy was gonna do. That's the whole idea Kind of keep him off balance only this motherfucker if I was a if I was here, you know One enemy of the United States. I'd have a fucking hard on right now And I'm noticing Dallas. I don't feel notice I'm noticing packs of Hispanic looking kids even around here now. I came here to work out on Saturday. I'm driving, and there's a pack standing in the middle of Route 80 here. I'm talking seven or eight, and they're

anywhere from 18 to 25. And just out of nowhere, I'm seeing the, it's. No families. Yeah, I've yet to see. I think they have stock footage at CBS and CNN. Well, they dress up, you know, Don Lemon is a Hispanic woman. I know he's fired, but I'm just saying. Anyways, folks.

Delicious. Delicious. And the second half of the show, like I teased you earlier, I'll be talking about my answer. It's called Union Bear. And you should not go there, because they gave me the shits the first two times I gave him a second chance because I thought maybe had a stomach problem and And then they kicked me out for no reason the cops got involved anyways

I hadn't been in there in months So I went back this weekend of course after my wife warning me and me telling her I'm not going anywhere near the place And she gets fucking mad at me. We had a big fight over that. How about backing your fucking husband who was thrown out of a bar for doing nothing? Honey, I love you. What the fuck? I can't even have a kid with her. Fuck a woman so polluted.

Anyhow also once again the claws are out for Caitlin Clark as the angry, racist black bitch Angela Reese, whatever her fucking name is. Angel, Angle, who gives a fuck? Just a racist piece of shit. She clotheslined her again and stuff. Anyways, I've had it. Anyways, get full episodes of the Nick DePaulo Show in Lauda with Crowder four days a week.

Also, Brian Callan, Mr. Guns and Gear weekly and exclusive live streams from Alex Jones. All that for $9 monthly or $89 annually. That's exclusively on Mug Club, so sign up now. For you listeners out there, we are now uploading the complete audio version of the show in addition to the video. Watches can still access the video version as normal, obviously. Hey boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, t-shirts, hoodies, and more. Which yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time.

You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick Assurance. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Let's move on. Some real violence going on this weekend.

Mass shootings, again, how many have we had under Dick Weed? Round Rock Ruckus, a shooting at Round Rock Juneteenth. Get out of here. Violence at a Juneteenth event left two. What's my rule, folks, with black people? More than three or four. It's either three or four. Within a 10-square-foot area of them, there'll be violence. Try to prove me wrong. A shooting at Round Rock Juneteenth event left two people dead

and as many as dozens others injured, including children. They celebrate like the Iranians. Only they shoot at people. The Round Rock Police Department says a fight broke out between two groups, let me guess, the Amish and the Polish, which led to the shooting. Police say all of the victims were innocent bystanders. These blacks.

I know. We're now hearing from some of the people who stepped in to help those victims, including Amber Megans, a nurse for more than a decade. Megans told KXAN she showed up at Old Settlers Park a little after 10 p.m To join hundreds of others and listening to the music planned for the night black events tend to get a bad rap No pun intended at times. So we are just like oh, this is nice out here. And first of all They get a bad rap for a reason because the shit like this She goes. Oh, it's nice out here.

Everyone is just enjoying themselves and having a good time. Megan said one of the artists came out on stage and announced that his show had been cancelled. But at that point Megan didn't know anything was wrong. That is until she started to head back to her car. Out of the corner of my eye I see a civilian giving CPR, Megan's described, she said police were trying to keep people away from the area but when Megan's told officers she was a CPR certified person they waved her over. Okay here is audio of Miss Megan's who was the certified CPR person who tried to help the victims and this is what her explain what went on that day.

African-American woman, she's there. I mean just from my experience I've worked in level one trauma. It did not look good from the beginning from when I first came over there. I noticed that she had entry points on her abdomen. I had asked them. I was like checking for a pulse. The lady that, there was a lady that was holding her head and she's like I've been sitting here and I have not felt a pulse at all. Honest to God, man. What is, oh quiet kids. What is going on in the world? Police say two people died as a result of their injury.

Can you imagine? I don't care what color, whatever. And it's not the people involved a lot of the times, right? It's always fucking punks who hate each other. For whatever reason, Austin Travis County EMS responded to the incident, said four adults and two kids have potential serious injuries. Just kids.

Is that enough of a reason to scrap Juneteenth and every other fucking Puerto Rican day parade? If you want to take Columbus out with it, fine. I don't care. How about just celebrating no heritages? Have American day. Yeah, the Fourth of care. How about just celebrating no heredities? Have American day. Yeah, the Fourth of July. Oh, yeah. Thank you. You sounded black when you said that. You already got that, motherfucker. That's like when people go, black entertainment network, why don't we have white network? NBC, ABC. Really? Have you watched the commercials

and sitcoms? I'll say it again, if you weren't from this ABC. Really? Have you watched the commercials and sitcoms? I'll say it again, if you weren't from this country or this planet and you watched two minutes of American TV, you thought it was 90% black, the country. And I'm, we're getting tired of it, okay? Sure. Well, let's stay on the violence and the, and the shootings. And of course we can't wait for the, I'm sure, I didn't go online, I'm sure the left jumped on the gun control. Mentally ill mass shooter.

This is a different one, same weekend, folks. The gunman who opened fire at a Michigan splash pad. That's like a, you know, a fucking, what do you call it? Like a, you bring your kids to. A squirter? No, not a squirt, no. Yes, fuck it. I don't call those girls squirters,

I call them super-squirters. You know, what's the word I'm looking for? With a slide in the water and shit. I don't have kids, who gives a fuck? Anyways, I wouldn't bring them here either. The gunman who opened fire to the Michigan splash pad lived with his mother and suffered from mental health issues authorities, they said.

You're fucking crazy. Yeah, that's what they said. What's the video of Dallas? I don't even remember, do you remember? Yes, yes, sorry, I don't. Is it a cop talking or? I don't even remember. Do you remember? Is it a cop talking? The violence is... here's the local news reporting this shooting at a water park, is what I think I meant to say. Kind of like a water park. Police say at least nine people, possibly ten, were shot in what appeared to be a random attack

shortly after five this afternoon. The Oakland County Sheriff says the youngest victim is just eight years old. Jesus H. Ah! What the fuck? Again, Polish and Irish, I'm sure. No, this kid was actually a white mental patient, I think. Cops also revealed that he may have planned additional attacks

before killing himself during a police stand. Let me ask you a question. And I've been asking this forever. OK, mental illness has been around forever. And don't fucking go, ah, guns, guns, guns. You're mentally, you're crazy. You're a shithouse rat. Why does it always manifest itself

in a fucking shooting of innocent people? Taking other people down? Just in yourself? Yeah, yeah. Because it almost sounds like you're sane enough. You know what I mean? You made the choice to fucking fuck you. And again, where's the mother? No dad? I don't know. I'm sure they were a tight-knit family just like Leave It To Beaver. Hey Wally, I saw a kid with a gun at the park Started shooting her little kids kind of creepy and stuff Andy's been doing that to me all weekend

She watched like a marathon of Leave It To Beaver. That way, Leave It To Beaver might be one of the funniest fucking shows ever When you get to be an adult watcher, it's 14 times funnier. Anyways please quickly as you can see this means a lot to me. I'm digressing into leave the beep episode as young kids are dying. Please quickly track the 42 year old gum in, oh my god 42 still living with his mother, in a mobile home. 42 living in a mobile home with your mom. You're a loser

you'll always be a loser. You'll always be a loser. That had to be his mother. When they stormed the trailer of the cops, they discovered an AR-style rifle, of course, on the kitchen table. And when I say of course, I don't mean that in a liberal way. I mean everybody should have one.

And if somebody had one at the park, they could have sprayed him. So go fuck yourself. AR-style rifle on the kitchen table. Where is the security of places like this? I? Don't mean just some guys sitting there in his 70s with a rent-a-cop uniform on I want any public space You have to make yourself known with a gun They just yes Nick we need more guns

That's the it is They discovered an AR style rifle on the kitchen table and the gunman was lying dead next to a third gun a pistol Which he used to take his own life the faggot the handgun used during the shooting was a registered 9-millimeter Glock pistol recovered at the shooting with three empty magazines people teen beat and Newsweek Good night everybody That's Dallas's idea of a rim shot

You're like Nick you're in a good booth reporting shootings. It's America. What are you going to do? Anyways the magazines would have held 30 rounds of ammunition. Police say the shooter emptied one magazine, reloaded, then emptied a second clip, then fled the scene. The gunman, who had no previous criminal history, lived at home with his mom and reportedly suffered from mental health issues police said his mother was not home but was notified of the shooting

she was at her boyfriend's house Terrell Suggs who used to play for the unbelievable this is only one weekend folks I again I'm sure today all the left-wingers will be out there grabbing your guns. Seven people stabbed in Indianapolis at 340 in the morning. Yes! Did I not send you that one? You know it was so, no you sent it to me right? The only reason I didn't do it was because it was so dark this show But yes, I'm glad you'd reminded me seven people three three forty in the morning again unless they were Amish people churning butter Which I doubt that what are you doing out there at 340?

Perfect perfect and the key to that is not to use that so much that was perfect a couple times and I don't even have whatever I didn't see that coming that guy can lick some snatch anyways what a show folks hey for the result for the old thing I'm now for those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of this show. Everyone else go to nickdip.com. And join to get my full show, Stephen Crowder's full show, and a whole lot more. While you're there, get tickets to see me.

You click on the tour button. August 9th, Jacksonville Center for the performing, it sounds too fancy for me. I believe it's called the Terry Theater. It's under the roof of the Jacksonville Center for the Performing Arts. Performing, I'm so fucked up. Next night, next night, August 10th, Gas South Theater. Interesting name. Probably, how did you get that name? Oh, they were doing a show here in 1920 and there was a leak. Some guy lit a cigarette and 400 people.

Gas self theater in Duluth, Georgia. I'm excited because I haven't really hit this market. I don't know why, but I have no explanation fucking why. Anyways, so yeah, click on that and come out and see me live before I get killed at a fucking Six Flags eating cotton candy and minding my business. Hi, good night everybody. ["I Won't Take All That They Had Me Down"]

I won't take all that they hand me down And make out a smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all light down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else

See you singing, what are you? I'm not like everybody else