The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden's China Lies Exposed | Nick Di Paolo Show #689

Episode Date: April 11, 2022

Bidens bubble bursting. Twitter afraid of Musk and the truth. Chinese to go. Woke nerds walk. Bird baby. NJ is gay.

🎵 Oh yeah, you know what that means. You know the tickling of the 21st fret. How are you folks? Welcome on a Monday, a filthy Monday. How are you? How was your weekend? I had a great goddamn weekend. As much as I whine about going on the road, I got to tell you, my fans, I'll put them

against anybody, anybody. Would we be outnumbered? Sure. Would be like Ukraine versus Russia. But no, we didn't fucking fucking win I have a bunch I have an army fucking I have women in their 60s who would run through a wall for me why because I touch their boobs what sure they love that no um just fucking uh I could have run for mayor I felt like people came out everybody I mean I must have run for mayor, I felt like. People came out, everybody, I mean, I must have taken 100 pictures all week, and they're like, here, because of the show, here, thank you for

doing the show, blah, blah, blah, and we're not even marking it, marketing it properly. I can't say that word, because I majored in it. My college education, it's like a childhood rape, I blanked it out. my college education. It's like a childhood rape. I blanket her. We're not even properly marketing the show, really, for a bunch of reasons I won't go into.

But anyhow, we will be. But yes, I just, my fans, this is from a fan, by the way, Boston North End Firefighter shirt, which the North End, that was one of my stomping grounds when I got out of college. Enough of a beautiful Italian restaurant. That's where every guy, you know.

I was living in Brighton, which is Boston proper, really, every time you'd meet a girl from North End. You know, load them up with Ziti, they get drowsy. Next thing you know, they're doing cartwheels in your bed. Who's with me? Anybody? Yeah. Hey-o. Yeah, so I'm just saying, great weekend. It's called the, it was at Mohegan's on Comics Roadhouse. They call it a roadhouse because in the front of the house, they've turned it into a country western kind of thing with gals on runways dancing and cut off daisy dukes and fishnets with asses like nectarines.

Dancing to country, all kinds of music. They had live band there too, so there's rock and roll, everything. All the songs that we love. And these girls dance. I just sat there like the creep that I am. I mean, I drank like a fucking high school senior. I counted, I don't count drinks usually, but I couldn't help it.

I got there early on Saturday and I had two drinks before. Go on stage, I think somebody sent me a couple shots of Jack while I was up there, which I did. Come off stage, I order a Bacardi and Diet Coke and of course somebody that was in the show buys me a shot of Jack because they saw that I do that. And then took another drink into the green room, chatting with my opener, Josh, who did a great job, and then had drinks in the second show. And then after the show...

I just unleashed in the bathroom, Dallas. You go in there, it's like nerve gas from fucking Al-Ashad, whatever his fucking name was. And I'm just saying, great weekend. Great week. Thank you to Mark and Mike, the guys who run the joint. I've watched that place grow since it opened. And boy, they're going to be.

I'm sitting here. Look at the fucking money pouring in. Got a lot of new material I threw out there. People were. It was just great. Anyways. Anybody know how to get rid of chlamydia? It's a fucking joke, everybody. Honey, I hope you don't watch it's a joke

relax take it easy alright that's about it right what else Red Sox dropped 2 out of 3 to the Yanks but that's alright they also lost to the Orioles got swept last year opening series at Fenway by the Orioles they lost 3 in a row and came within two games of the World Series last year.

Not worried. Fucking lineup is loaded. Let's get to it, shall we? Okay. I don't even remember how to do this. Biden's plural, I meant bubble bursting, as in Joe and Hunter. If the grand jury in Delaware investigating Hunter Biden's business ventures does its job properly, it will be pulling on the threads that lead to the president,

and already there are signs that that is happening. It sure is. Take it easy, Joe. Take it easy. Regardless of the extraordinary statement last week by White House Chief of Staff, here he is again, Ronnie Klain. Seen too much of this. Look at him.

Got gas. Just came from Chili's. His claim that the president is confident his son has done nothing wrong other than, you know, eating out every hooker in D.C. and fucking crack off their tits, which isn't wrong. He's right there. And that the inquiry has nothing to do with Joe Biden or anyone else in the White House. Publicly available evidence says otherwise, Ronnie. You're lying.

Sure is. And you're a piece of shit. That still makes me laugh. It is not just the emails and the other material on Hunter's abandoned laptop. I still laugh that he fucking just threw his laptop. How fucked up. Oh, my God. Forgot where it was.

Yeah, I put it down on the car of the Volkswagen. I don't know. Laptop that points to Joe Biden's involvement in his family's multimillion-dollar global influence peddling schemes when he was vice vice president we've known this folks but even before he got elected you know I mean he was he was installed he wasn't elected and he was compromised by China uh number one geopolitical foe but let's put him in there anyways again Democrats don't go to jail think all the shit they went after Trump for. Having a conversation with another president they listened in on. All this shit.

There was also the six-hour interview Hunter's former business partner, our buddy, I can't believe this guy doesn't have a sitcom with Gronk. Tony Bobulinski gave to the FBI last year. Along with a trove of documents, emails, encrypted messages, Bobulinski is publicly named Joe Biden as the big guy referenced in emails whose 10% equity in joint venture with the Chinese energy company CEFC was held for him by who? His son? Who do you think they were talking about? They said H is holding 10% for the big guy. The fuck do you think they were talking about?

Harriet and Michael Moore? Nick, that stunk. I know, let's move on. Now the identity of the big guy has become a topic for the Delaware probe. It's either Joe Biden, seen here, also known as one of Jeff Dunham's cranky puppets. Walter. That's himy puppets. Walter. That's him. Is that not Walter?

What scares me is my producer is a fan of Walter's. Listen, is that not him? That's fucking, hey, mark that down. I want you to pull up Walter every time we bring up Jack up. At least one of the witnesses before the grand jury has been asked who's the big guy that's a sick question you're a sick fuck and i'm not that sick that i'm gonna answer oh you got to bitch sources familiar with the investigation said bob olinsky has yet to appear but if he does but if he does not testify before the grand jury something is very very, which is a great point.

He's got all the fucking... He had dinner with Biden. We already went over this, but I'm just saying. Now, this is the big point, folks, about this story, that it's coming out as much as the mainstream media has been trying to bury it. It's been leaking out lately. They want Joe out. He's cooked.

They know it. Just remember him in the room and nobody was paying attention to him. They were sucking the Marxist cock, a guy that was born in Nigeria, Obama. Anyways, anyways, and pineapple. I've lost my mind. Mama, I'm at the mall. Come get me. Anyways, it's true. If he doesn't show up to testify, it's just more of the same. Alarm bells are starting to ring in the Democrat circles. This isn't an alarm. They're not surprised. They used him like a condom. Now they're throwing him in the toilet where he belongs. Alarm bells are starting to ring in Democratic circles as White House stonewalls in the face of increasing media inquiries. In two absurd statements in recent days, White House spokespeople said the president stands by his pre-election statement that Hunter never received any money from China, and he continued to deny that he knew anything about his son's overseas business dealings.

Wow. Got to hand him that much. He remembers how to lie, of all things. Of course, some of the mainstream media continues to protect the Bidens, even though the evidence is frigging overwhelming. This is the media now. After all this shit, the New York Post uncovered a year and a half ago. Even the New York Times and CNN has come around in the last month or so to say it's all true about the laptop.

This is these guys in October of 2020. The shit was already out there. But listen to them protecting, you know, Joe. This looks like your classic disinformation campaign. There is zero evidence that Vice President Biden or President Biden has done anything wrong. It's amplified completely out of the realm of what's real. So it's not that we didn't ask the questions. We didn't just go crazy blaring them as the lead story. I think everybody who

voted for Joe Biden knew Hunter Biden was a problem. My problem with Hunter Biden's laptop is I think totally irrelevant. I don't find it to be interesting. Oh, don't find it to be interesting. Is that how you judge what stories you put out there? Personally, to me, she was so wrong about it. She doesn't want to revisit it. It's just not interesting because I was, these fucking, and what's funny, when we show these clips of people being wrong, we've been doing it for years. Other shows do it. It's the same people lying and lying.

Yet they still have jobs at CNN and government. The left is just, you were born fucking evil. Not all of you. It's just 99.9%. I'd say Flip Wilson, a black guy who died in the 70s, he was the only guy that I liked who was liberal. That was another dumb statement.

Good night. If I die in my sleep this weekend, it was because of last week. Oh, my God, my liver hurts. So they're up there protecting him. It was just this, you know. Meanwhile, the New York Post. So in other words, it's not fact until the New York Times or CNN says it is. That's how it works. Liar, liar,

whore, liar, whore, you know it. They absolutely. You can't handle the truth. God damn right. Anyhow, so it's unraveling. And again, the takeaway from that story is, now that you see CNN and the lefty outlets they can't even deny shit they're letting it leak out because they're done with him he's toast I'll be surprised if he's around for fucking right after the midterms but who's going to replace

I got a feeling the thick-ankled dog face that will be Hillary is making moves in the background other than taking a big runny dump in a toilet at the Applebee's in Westchester after a jalapeno pupper party. What am I talking about? I'm hungover. I'm shitting battery acid.

Got to work out after this. That ought to be stick around for that, Dallas. You're going to have to give me CPR. Anyways, let's move on to bigger news. This was very interesting. Last week, as you know, I reported, everybody reported about Elon Musk buying up almost 10% of the shares of Twitter. He's still the largest shareholder, but he's not going to be on the board of directors. I guess that was decided over the weekend. Boy, I wonder why that is. Maybe because he was talking about bringing some fucking free speech to the thing.

Yeah, so they're not going to put him, it's that goddamn Indian of Pakistan, I don't care, whatever, who runs Twitter. What's the guy who did the movie? You'll know this, Dallas. You know, I see dead people. Shyamalan. Shyamalan. There you go. That's who's running Twitter, according to me. So they won't. They think it's a good idea not to have him on the board of fucking.

Go ahead. Anyhow, any he and a who. let's put up the tweet oh wait a minute before i he's planning to take over he is planning a takeover of twitter being on the board oh these have i put up a couple quotes from people in the comment section who had good points um did i skip over the first one or is this the first one i probably did did. Anyways, this person says he's not going to be on the board of directors. It frees him up. You know what I mean? If he's on the board of directors, it limits how much he can buy, apparently. That was that guy's take.

Another guy said most people don't know he was a student of the World Economic Forum. That's that Schwab guy, not Charles Schwab, the other fucking... In other words, if you think of that cabal we always talk about, this guy's at the transhumanism

and all that fucking whatever it is. He started the economic forum. Young global leaders. He graduated in 08 from there. Musk did. So we have to be careful. I believe we must use caution with Musk. He is pushing transhumanism just like Klaus.

I couldn't think of his name. Santa Klaus Schwab. Evil Santa. I believe this Twitter bullshit is to promote electric cars and transhumanism just as his teacher, Schwab, has directed. So that's what I'm saying. When these guys, when they're up on that level, that elitist, super smart, billion richest guy on the planet, you've got to be careful no matter what comes out of his mouth.

I want to, I don't know, you have me convinced he's for free speech. I really think he is. Remember we showed that clip he's talking about how they're trying to kill humor, the left? So I don't know. You guys, you try to decide where he's going with that. But if he's, if he's, if he got educated, not, you know, if he's listening to Klaus Schwab and taking to heart what he learned at the fucking, that school, you're not good. You're not good. Some wild stuff. Ed?

So do you want to read this tweet? Yeah. Jesus Christ, am I out of my fucking pit? This is the tweet from, you know, Twitter CEO. Elon Musk has decided not to join our board. Here's what I can share about what happened. I caught him grabbing my wife's ass at a dance at the Knights of Columbus. He had three old dolls, was getting out of hand.

The board and I, again, this is the head of Twitter. The board and I had many discussions about Elon joining the board and with Elon directly. We're excited to collaborate and clear about the risks. We also believe that having Elon as a fiduciary of the company where he, like all board members, has to act in the best interest of the company and all our shareholders was the best path forward. The board offered him a seat. We announced on Tuesday that Elon would be appointed to the board contingent on a background check.

What are they fighting? Fucking smoke weed? And formal acceptance. Elon's appointment to the board was to become official effective April 9th. But Elon shared that same morning that he will no longer be joining the board. I believe this is best, is for the best. This is the head of, not Jossie, it's the Indian guy. He believes it's for the best. We have and will always value input from our shareholders, whether they are on our board or not.

Elon is our biggest shareholder, and we will remain open to his input. There will be distractions ahead, but our goals and priorities remain unchanged, and that would be to partition information to you people as we see fit and decide what's true and what's not. I added that for emphasis. The decisions we make and how we execute is in our hands. Also my dick, no one else's hands. Let's tune out the noise and stay focused on the work and what we're building. We know what you're building.

And nobody likes it. Some people had another theory. When you look at all the users of Twitter, apparently it's down. A lot of those people are just bots, as they say. So it might not have been a great investment. So there's a bunch of angles you can take here. Not that I know that much, but I would think it was because...

My first instinct was Elon doesn't like it because they're against free speech and they wouldn't agree to what could be whatever. But then secondly, like somebody said, if he's not on the board of directors, he's got more freedom to fuck them up, I guess. I don't know how it works. What the fuck do I know? I was telling dick jokes in a fucking casino this week.

Got this nice shirt and my hat from the movie I made with Louie and the other people. It'll come out in 2094. So that's that story. Remains to be seen, what

Mr. Musk does. Remember he wanted to put an edit button in there. I just said button. Like young girls say button. Button. Why do you guys all, I say young girls, I saw anchor women in their 50s saying mountain. Really? You all want to be black there? How about Chinese? Speaking of Chinese, Chinese to go is the headline. You guys are gone. That's not that funny. Well, when you hear the story, see the clip it is. Jing Flang and Sing Pang fell out the window. And they ended up making Kung Pao brain sauce. For over two weeks, listen to what's going on in China.

And again, when I read this to you, just keep this thought in your head. Coming to a theater near you. For over two weeks, the financial capital of China, which is Shanghai, I played high school football there, has been locked down tight. Some 26 million people languish in their apartments, staring at their now-empty refrigerators, unable to set foot outside to forage for food for fear of arrest and incarceration.

Dog food! I'm sorry, dog food! What we've got here is failure to communicate. My question is, can I ask you, it's so bad in Shanghai, why isn't the whole world on alert again, like when it first broke? I don't know, maybe it's a dumb question, but if somebody from Shanghai can send me an email. Day 16, this is a person talking

in Shanghai. Day 16 of our COVID lockdown in Shanghai today, and the food is the key thing on people's minds. We aren't allowed to leave home, so delivery is the, it's kind of funny, Chinese delivery, so you think it wouldn't be a problem. So delivery is the only way. I was up at 6 a.m. yesterday trying to get any kind of delivery, but nothing was available all day. Hey, Bezos, where are you? You love the Chinese. The unlucky ones are those, listen to this, who test positive for COVID each day, like the 17,077 Shanghais who did on Wednesday.

Symptoms are not, and 9 out of ten show no signs of illness. They're hauled off to a hastily erected quarantine camp. Look at that. What are they complaining for? Those are beautiful. Take a listen. face to face and talk quietly is because I want to tell you that I think it's very important and don't forget the fucking cold iced tea alright so look at internment camps

you don't think Bezos the globalists, Biden the rest of them jerk off our vice president you don't think they would welcome that to put us taxpaying, hardworking people. Honest to God, that's how much they hate you. Why don't they show us the insides like they do on the rich and the famous, the Chinese and the dead. Unable to protest their lockup any other way, people have taken to venting their anger

by yelling out of their apartment windows. Remember they were welding them in when it first broke out? They wouldn't let them out? People dying in their own apartments? Fucking ching-flang-ping-ting. They don't fucking mess around. Most of their complaints have to do with the food. They said, Chinese food's too greasy.

We want some Domino's. They said, Chinese food's too greasy. We want some dominoes. Can we get a 16-inch pie with poodle and green peppers? We have no food to eat, they said. We haven't eaten in a very long time. We are starving to death. And let's be honest, folks.

Chinese people don't have that much fat to burn. Over here, we could last the average American two years without getting burned. Other protests have taken more tragic forms, as they did in Wuhan two years ago. People are once again, they did this two years, they're doing it again, jumping off the balconies of high-rise apartment buildings. What a horrible place. One video circulating in China. Here's the difference. We report on every few months somebody jumps off a high-rise in New York City, but it's because their company, whatever, their stocks crashed or their career as a model didn't. At least that's

what you think what's going on. These people have kind of a beef. They're being starved to death. Anyways, one video circulating in China shows a couple falling to their deaths. The husband was said to be distraught because the lockdown, it cost him his business.

I kill you. I kill you right now. Yeah, that's what it does. I'm right here. Kill me. Okay, I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks?

Come over here. Talk to me in the face. Like a somebody. Come over here. Talk to me in the face. Look at some booty. Come over here. Talk to me in the face. So, now here's a tragic clip. I'm surprised. But you know what? I don't think I included it in the text,

but it looks like the husband, they said, they had another angle that's not on here. Look, you know, he fucking pulled his wife out with him, which is just an asshole asshole move you leave the kids behind uh what but watch this this is what's going on in china uh this is a husband and wife basically husband it's suicide unbelievably they just had the wind knocked out of them i'm kidding isn't that fucking that's what's going on but you know damn well people in this country still making kids wear masks and shit

um i i mean so it's another it's a problem in china Still making kids wear masks and shit? I mean, so it's a problem in China, which means it'll be a problem here, right? It'll be an excuse. And here's my other question. Are the flights still coming from Shanghai to JFK? I hope the hell not. I was so, you know, it was great this week, and I didn't see a mask.

That's not true. What am I saying? I didn't see a mask at my show. Again, walking through the casinos. Again, four out of five, black person wearing the mask. I think it's fashionable. They like, I don't know. And don't tell me, how do you know they're made of cancer? Shut the fuck up. It's a Friday night. It's two in the morning. They got three drinks in their hand. They don't know and don't tell me how do you know they're made of can't shut the fuck up

It's a Friday night. It's 2 in the morning. They got free drinks in the hand. They don't have cancer You know, I mean I I just want to get a running start and blindside him I'm gonna do a story later. That's gonna make you fucking break your TV set. Oh, this is it. Woke Nerds Walk is the, wait a minute, I forgot. The people falling out of the window. Yeah! He screams in English. Anyhow.

Woke Nerds walk. More than 100 Activision Blizzard employees. I literally thought that had something to do with Dairy Queen when I saw it. I'm not kidding you. That's how fucking out of the loop I am. But I'm not a nerd who plays video games. Jackoffs. More than 100 Activision Blizzard employees participated in a virtual walkout Monday,

you know, as a Santa Monica video game studio joined a growing wave of companies lifting COVID-19 vaccination requirements, again, two years too late, while pressing workers to return to the office. You hear that? Do you understand? Do you understand the story, folks? There's employees who are upset that they're lifting the mandates, the requirements to be vaccinated and shit. You don't think we live in a diseased country, mentally fucking ill? Employees at the studio best known for its, oh, no wonder I don't know, World of Warcraft and Call of Duty. Yeah.

You know, I was a weird kid. I like pussy and football. I'm sitting home playing Dungeons and Dragons like the fucking losers. Anyhow. By the way, those losers, they run everything I do. Anyways, they made World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, all the shit Patton Oswalt jerks off of.

Franchises who participated in the work stoppage took the day as an unpaid walkout day. Some joined a Zoom call that was a virtual protest gathering and spoke on social media. Who cares? Guys. Uh-oh. Retard alert. Retard alert. We want to have shots that might kill us.

Listen to the logic here. And again, I see the mask even on the plane. It's getting harder for me to know they're forcing me. They have been for a year and a half forcing me into a farce, something that doesn't even exist anymore. When I'm on the plane, I want to lick the

doorknobs and all the hands. Just fucking look. See you next week. I'm going to San Antonio. There's a hospital where AIDS people die. The walkout came in response to the company announcing Thursday that it would no longer require employees to be fully vaccinated against COVID-19 to work in the office, according to an email from chief administrator officer Brian Bulataro. That was shared by employees and subsequently posted on Twitter. Listen to this. So you'd think to be excited about it, right? Not the nerds. Again, assholes that run the world. The email cited businesses and indoor venues across the U.S. lifting their vaccine requirements, which most 99% of us are excited about, and said it was important to align our site protocols with local guidance,

whatever the fuck that means. Instead of just saying it in plain English, we know it's a farce. We were played. Activision's, it it's a farce. We were played. Activision's it's not a farce. Again, if you're 800 pounds and 91 anything under that, you fight it off. You fight it off like a man.

I don't feel good. Activision Blizzard's announcement came as a shock to everybody. Here it comes. Here comes the douchebag. Always the chick. Said Ada Claire Cripps, a senior software... That's her?

Oh, my fucking... I didn't know that. Look at... He is gorgeous. Looks like if Tony Saragusa was transitioning in high school, who does she slash he look like? This story fascinates me. Fascinates me.

They look at us as dumb and whatever. They were, you know, goths in high school. They hated the jocks you're a bigger loser as an adult how does that feel anyway she she's a senior software engineer with uh battle.net and online products at blizzard she says and i quote i don't want to have to go into a workplace where i don't know who i can trust to not get me sick she said can you fucking imagine how about dropping 30 huh she can't believe you can't believe that maybe you can you still like video games you're retard a better a BK a worker organizing group. Oh, it's a worker organizing group.

Sounds a lot like what? Hmm, communism? You know how I've been complaining for years about the word community? And every story you do has this community, the gay community. Then it dawned on me, of course. Well, no, but what's the base word in communism? Commu. Of course, it's

a blumental messaging. That's right. Just over and over again. Over and over again. Community, our community, our community. There you go. They really think we're going to be one big community. And I'll stop it. You guys will all be living on the side of the planet. I'll be by myself watching

Warcraft a worker organizing group at Activision Blizzard announced plans Friday to hold a worker walkout see this is what they do it's a worker's paradise that's what they shoot for listing demands to reverse the decision to lift the vaccine requirement. In other words, they're pissed about not having to get a shot that doesn't even work. So to lift the vaccine requirement, offer remote work as a permanent solution. That I understand. Work from home, however. And allow individual employees to decide whether to work in the office or from home. But who wants to hear from Frank slash Lisa?

You need to shut the fuck up. Workers are still demanding that the vaccine mandate be re-implemented. Can you imagine? So you're saying, I don't know if anybody works that doesn't want the vaccine. He has to get it. She has to get it. You're saying that to your co-workers, if there's anybody that has their own fucking mind there. But if they're vaccinated,

what are they worried about? There's nine, you're right, there's nine. Same with a mask. Fucking, I was on the elevator all weekend, you know, at least three times with people, and I was praying they'd say, why don't you have a mask on? Well, does yours work? That's, you know what I mean? Let me fart and see if that works. It's an elevator. Hold on. Let me hit stop.

Anyways, they want it to be re-implemented, the vaccine mandate, across the company and the Activision have an open, and here we go, equitable return, there's the word, to office policy. What we want to do is make sure everybody is as safe. There you go. Again, they use safe, your security, right? Anytime they're chipping away at our rights, it's about your security. Think about taking your shoes off and all that shit. Make sure everybody is safe as possible and further be protected by vaccination and testing, this dog face said, who I can't look at.

You're so stupid. You're so stupid. So much stupid. That's the best way to sum up. You're stupid. You're just dumb. I feel bad for you. It's embarrassing. Lady.

Oh, lady. I'd like to see her social calendar on the weekend. Any he. My teeth are nice and yellow and brown. And I smoked a lot this weekend. I'm not gonna lie to you folks. It's very like an idiot. I do it once. lie to you folks. It's very, like an idiot.

I do it once. Once you do one on stage, you're like, then people start throwing them. And then I walk people every show. You guys think that? The people love, I like the managers that run comedy clubs. Yeah, I was loving it. Like three tables left for like five minutes,

and I go, yeah. And let me tell you something. If you think you're telling me that, I said, if that doesn't happen, don was loving it. Like three tables left for like five minutes. And I go, yeah. And let me tell you something. If you think you're telling me that, I said, if that doesn't happen, don't tell me. Because I'll be furious. Again, because not everybody does their homework. They don't go to the website and see what the comic's about. Because, you know, what they think is funny is what everybody else thinks is funny. But 99.9% are my, you know, know what's coming.

They're my fans. They came out because of the show. And it's a whole different ballgame. It's just so fun. I really, I feel like I'm, how many times have I come home happy from a game? I feel like I'm at my friends in a garage playing to people that think like me and shit. It's a whole different ball. And I was very, I got a lot of new shit off the top of my head.

I'll go home and listen and go, oh, that's way too evil. I don't know the headline here. I just went by it. But it's about a pregnant chick in Pennsylvania. Oh, this is, you're going to love this one. This lady was pregnant. They did a sonogram. I won't tell you what happened.

I'll just tell you the story. A pregnant woman in Pennsylvania fears her baby girl is going to have an attitude just like her mom after she flipped her off while in the womb. Personally, I don't believe the story. I don't. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to call this lady tonight and say, I will come over there and kick you in the stomach if you're lying to me. Anyways, an ultrasound of her finger-giving fetus is currently... She's giving birth to the devil, going viral. Your mother sucks cocks and hell, Paris. That was, they put the thing, the sound thing, to hear the baby kicking. You heard, your mother sucks cocks and hell, Paris. What's her name?

Diane, listen. Your mother sucks cocks and hell, Paris listen what were her first words she didn't learn to crawl she learned to fly he's creepy here's the mother talking I could possibly have the swearest you're not funny lady I hope you have a miscarriage. I'm kidding. She seems like a nice baby. You know, this baby, it seems like God... Or the pelican, or the stork, or the pigeon, whoever delivers this shit. Seems like God told this baby what life's going to be like in the United States.

And just prepare yourself. If this is true, it's just the greatest story ever. I could possibly have the sweariest baby ever if she's doing that in the womb. Ange Slater, 33, told Kennedy News of the, oh, Kennedy News of the Parental Sign Language Disorder. The lewd moment reportedly occurred in March while the Pottstown native, I've played, I've done comedy there, who was 25 weeks pregnant at the time, reported to the hospital to get baby scans. And the ensuing footage, make it sound like NFL films. The Slater tot. The Slater tot. Who writes this shit?

You mean the potato tot? Can be seen squirming around in the womb before flashing the camera a middle finger. So picture perfect. It looked like a CGI. Probably was. Let's take a look at the film. Watch this. La, la, la, la. Hey, wake up hey how dare you you little your mother sucks cocks and hell fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck

you fuck you and then the peace sign now it no there's three fingers up on that one, actually. They said peace, Ivan. Yeah, can we see that again? Let's take a look again. Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! You know what it's like? I just thought of something.

It's like, I don't know, that's like Sean Penn as a fetus and paparazzi taking pictures. Anyways, it looked like it was CGI, which I think it is. Then, as if making amends for her rude gesture, the unborn baby gives viewers the two-finger peace sign. Towards the end of the ultrasound, she does this. She actually flipped us off. Listen to this. Near the end of the ultrasound, we don't have clips of this, the mother says, the baby flipped us off with both hands at different times. Come on. Come on, explained the nurse practitioner. When she put her middle finger up, I just started laughing because I kind of have that, you know, that cunty attitude myself. So it was just really funny. I was like, oh, she's like me already. We're in trouble. Let's kill it. No, she didn't say that.

The aghast gal added, I'm a little nervous. I think she's going to be a lot like me. Make the story about you, I don't trust. And that scares me a little bit. I'd say I'm pretty free-willed, blunt, and straight to the point. And that scares me a little bit. I'd say I'm pretty free-willed, blunt, and straight to the point. And why are those bad qualities? You chubby yet? Wouldn't it be funny to...

I'll be careful if I'm the doctor delivering the baby. The baby will kick you right in the face, roundhouse. What an attitude on that kid. Any he, any who. What's the gayest state in the union? We always think that it's, I don't know. California.

California, yeah, because of Sam Fran and all the other. But how about New Jersey, ladies and gentlemen? Anyways, for this story, New Jersey is gayer than the flip-flops I wear when I... I don't like men in flip-flops. Never wore them as a kid. I don't like them. There's something gay about open toes on a man, open toe shoes. Anyways, back to the show. I shouldn't say that half my audience has them on when I play Florida, but you can understand it. Anyway, starting in September, I digress. New Jersey first graders, get this, buckle up, trigger warning, will learn about gender identity under new sex education guidelines. Little kids will learn about, when do they say guidelines?

So is it law? No, I don't think so. It's creepy. Hey, little boy, do you want some candy? Parents received sample lesson plans at a Westfield Board of Education meeting in February. One read, you might feel like you're a boy. This is what's going to be read to your little kids. You might feel like you're a boy even if you have body parts that some people might tell you you are a girl parts that are girl

But you might feel like you you're a girl Even if you have body parts that some people might tell you are a boy parts And you might not feel like you're a boy or a girl, but you're a little bit of both no matter how you feel You're perfectly Normal I suck cock you believe that love it. Do you fucking believe it? Is that a woman or a man? Shut up. Mind your fucking business and shut up.

Exactly, said the parents. And again, I'll ask the question, why is this the hill to die on for these people with this new agenda? It's the same. People who believe in a one world government. Why is this the hill to die on? I want to know. I'm almost starting to believe like Jesus was trans. What is

the, am I missing it? Again, it's a small percentage of the world population. Why is this the hill to die on for your, whatever your agenda is i i've been asked now forever what's with the gay thing the race thing that's more obvious because it divides the shit out of us but i don't get this i don't setting aside the appropriateness well i guess they want us to all be right there is no only socially constructed differences there is no boy, girl, you know. So they just, again, this is part of it. Getting them while they're young, you know, we're just human beings. Setting aside the appropriateness of teaching seven-year-olds that their gender is malleable, malleable, I should say, the New Jersey news comes on the heels of massive leftist outrage

over the parental rights in education bill signed by Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida, a law that many on the left call unnecessary. Really? I can't think of a bill more necessary. This is how you know he's right. We're right. They usually ignore this type of shit.

Boy, here's he, enemy number one on the fucking far lefts. The Florida law prevents instruction on sexual orientation and gender identity. And while leftist activists and their media assistants have targeted the bill as don't say gay, that's what they call it, despite the fact that straight is also a sexual orientation. Parents I have spoken specifically point to gender lessons as the reason they support the bill. The Washington Post editorial board came out against the law, that's how you know it's a good law, of course saying there is no justifiable reason for any of these measures. Really?

Really? I want to know who those, why's what the Republicans, the right, whoever the fuck you are, dox these people. Put their personal information where they live. Not so we can do violence. I just want to talk to them. I'll take an Uber tonight. Wherever. You don't mind your daughter

being taught that black cocks are huge? They are all rooted in the anachronistic belief that discussions about gender and sexuality somehow endanger children. Shut up. Mind your fucking business and shut up. Exactly. Stay out of my kid's life. But there is a very justifiable reason parents want to protect their small children from inappropriate lessons on sexuality, whether straight or gay. More important, parents know that the idea of gender flexibility is being pushed on their ever-younger kids.

The notion that this is not pure gaslighting and the New Jersey guidelines are just more evidence of exactly that. I'm gay, I'm really gay, I'm super duper gay. I'm gayer than a rainbow, take it in the hay. I'm gay, I'm really gay, I'm super duper gay. In her book, Irreversible Damage, Abigail Schreier, Laid Out House Schools, here's Abby, not a bad rec, laid out how schools, look, she's sticking out her chest. She's talking about kids and, I think this is wrong.

Laid out how schools no longer see themselves as academic institutions, exactly, but places where sexual identity politics is central to all conversations. This isn't conjecture. A program coordinated from Los Angeles Unified School District wrote Schreier, technically we are an educational institution, but want to be a source of social justice. Who the fuck do you think you are? Exactly. Who the fuck do you think you are? Who do you think you are? Who the fuck do you think you are? Exactly. Who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck?

And guys, ladies, people who have kids, homeschooling. I know you might not have the time. Hire somebody. Figure it out. Otherwise, shut up. Because they're even admitting what they are. Social justice, which is a fake religion, by the way. There's no country more fair than this one, ever

on the planet. That's what makes me angry. We've invited people from all over the world to fucking live here. And gays, where will you have more freedom? See, they need a trip to fucking Tehran to see what real

oppression is about and yeah I just lumped them in with trans whatever it don't have time to go through the whole alphabet all right that's enough for today in my opinion great great great share great fun away from the thank you guys again for coming out. I had a great time. You know, I'm real excited. I don't have to get on a plane for another month. Oh, by the way, real quick with that.

I get up. If I can drive to Savannah Airport, I'm all like, you know, it's like, ah, beautiful. Through security, nobody there. You know how it is. I sit down. I open my phone. It says your flight delayed three and a half hours. And the message was from like a couple hours ago.

And you know why I didn't see it? Because JetBlue sent me like four emails. I clicked the latest one first. That's what you're supposed to do. And it said, things to know about your upcoming flight. So I'm assuming my flight is still on. No? As soon as I sit down, it's not going through. Anyways, I'm like, your sister's ass. And I like JetBlue. I look over, 10 feet away, because I'm at Savannah Airport, very small. There's another terminal right there. It's a flight leaving for JFK

in 10 minutes. They were boarding. Everybody was almost boarded. I go over to the guy. Anyway, you got an extra seat on this plane? He looks at me and he goes, now, so I just stand there as he takes care of the last four people to get on the plane. And then I, so he

looks up and I'm still standing there. And then he goes, I was about to walk away. And he goes, are you by yourself? I go, yeah. He goes, do you have to check back? I go, no. He goes, wait a minute. And then he types a novel. What? Anyways.

And he hands me a... So what, can somebody tell me why he said no? Seriously, that was his instinct? Has he seen my special? Because he wanted you to walk away. Why? Because he doesn't want to work. Please. He just fucking boarded like

fucking 200 people. I think one more fucking 10 seconds. Of course it was rolled, you know, 39 out of 40. Which I didn't mind. You know, I travel light. So anyways, that's getting there. So thank God, right?

I make it. On the way to the airport Sunday morning, guy picks me up at 6.30 a.m. My head's like this, fucking Heineken bottles clanging. Look down at the fucking phone. Flight has been canceled from Logan Airport. About a half hour into the flight. And I said, keep going. Just the fucking phone. Flight has been canceled from Logan Airport. About half hour into the flight. And I said, keep going. Just keep fucking going. I said, I want to hit somebody from JetBlue in person.

And I call and they go, wait time on the, listen to this, 180 minutes. 180 minutes. Which tells me they just don't want to talk to anybody. Because if you fucking hang on for that long, you deserve to die in a crash. So anyways, so now my flight's canceled. But I'm scrolling through the phone. I put in bing, bing, bang, bang, bang. I put in my destination, Delta.

My flight on JetBlue leaving, I hope I'm not boring you people, was whatever the fuck, 9.50 on Sunday morning. I find a Delta flight going to Savannah nonstop at 10.30. So, bought a ticket. I'll let the

wife chase the money. I don't know. It'll take forever. And I get home by 1, 12, 30, quarter to 1. I'm very proud of myself because I got so lucky. And by the way, that flight was packed, too. Anyhow, any he, here I am. So don't tell me I don't work hard. Now I'm going to go in this next room and pretend to work out.

If I don't shit blood or throw up blood, I'll be very surprised. That's it. Don't forget. Sign up at thecomicsgym.com, please. Nickdip.com. Patreon.com. Please sign up, folks. You people who saw me this weekend, you know you had the best time of your life or the worst.

Sign up anyways. Cameo.com if you'd like me to make a little video busting your friend's balls. That's it. You guys think it, I'll say it. You are very welcome. We will see you back here tomorrow at the same time. Have a good day. I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free

I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free I'm free guitar solo Outro Music