The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden's Mortgage Madness | Nick Di Paolo Show #1391

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Biden's marxist mortgage plan, a FL woman and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 You know you want crazy motherfucking WAP. Oh, kiss it and eat it. Fuck Joe Biden! Fuck Joe Biden! You know you want crazy motherfucking whop. Oh, kiss it and eat it. Fuck Joe Biden! Fuck Joe Biden! Hi, kids. Uncle Nick here to tell you about a game called New Twister. Meet at my house tonight at 7.

What? What? Oh, you know. How you going, folks? What it is and what it was, it's two different things. Good to be with you. Let me get a few minor things off my chest. I'm sick of reading about fucking stories when somebody dies. It's in the paper or on the internet, which means a person's semi-famous or worth mentioning.

And then there's no cause of death, no determination. Then don't fucking tell us until you have it. You got that? You got that? Your mother sucks, baby. When did that become a thing? It seems like it's the past few years. You're right. You're absolutely right. Although, there's an episode of Sopranos.

The daughter comes in and Tony's sitting in the livingopranos, the daughter comes in and Tony's sitting in the living room. Oh, she goes, oh, and by the way, I'm married, Uncle Joe died or some fucking shit. And he goes, what, who, when, what? I don't know. She goes like a little spoiled teenager. I don't know.

Storms away. Ah, fucking Joe Blow dies. Nobody asks how, what, fuck. Even then, they're ahead of it. But yeah, no, recently, don't fucking tell me you got a dead body and you don't know how.

Well, they're keeping it private. Well, I don't give a, why are they keeping it private? For Christ's sake, every time a movie star takes a dump, you're on it. That's the only reason anybody would read an article where it says so-and-so dies or whatever,

is to find out how. That's the only reason. Even if it's somebody we'd like. You're like, oh, okay, that makes sense. Or you're like, what the fuck? Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies died on a dirt bike? What the fuck is that and then you have a good laugh lady died that was a good one right today if that happens she

death under terminal get the fuck out of here everything's secretive sports I blame the NHL on this one they started with the upper body injury, lower body injury. And Belichick sort of started the NFL. He would never disclose anything or just outright lie. But now that's what every sport does, undisclosed injury. For the love of God, he's limping on his left foot. There's a bone sticking out of his ass. I'm guessing he got hit in the coccyx.

But I fucking, that, we don't know how he died is bullshit. Quit making it, and then on the other hand, if you go to the wake, it's open casket. So it was a big secret, now we get to gawk at this person, even if it's not famous.

I never understood that, the open casket shit. I want that for me. But I want to be made up like something to make people laugh. Like a young Madonna or Dylan Mulvaney. You know what I'm saying? Does that bug you, Dallas? Yes.

What was the other thing? Oh, I did this on stage. It was brilliant. Do you ever pay your wife a compliment, you go too far, and you fucking blow yourself up? Like I was at the airport bar in Savannah, and I sent her a text saying, I miss you already or whatever, and total bullshit.

No, no, no, I do, I love my wife. So I said, miss you already, and she writes back. I guess it's all, you know know I'm not the best husband. I just love that you're even thinking of me right now. And then here's where I blew myself up. Yeah, I just saw a girl with the same tits as you. And boy, I looked like an asshole. And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous.

Now you get the hell out of here. And if that goomba tries any rough stuff, you tell him I ain't no band leader. I'm a strong middle. What? Get out of the way. Anyhow, yeah, that's about it. And I'm losing weight. I can eat shit like, I made chicken cordon bleu, okay? Yeah. Old school chicken cordon. I know that's about it. And I'm losing weight. I can eat shit like, I made chicken cordon bleu. Okay? Yeah. Old school chicken cordon. I know that's an old tradition, but man, you do it right. Layer of ham, layer of cheese, another layer of ham,

another layer of cheese. Little things like that. Fucking roll that fucker up. I made my wife the version where it's, you know, you got the crust on the outside. It's all fatty and shit. I'm hoping to block her heart valves. And I had to have the one with no, which is the best part, the crunch. And I stuffed mine with orange cheddar cheese. Still, dude.

Oh, so good. Anyhow, that's all I had to say, folks. Good night. Enjoy the rest of the week. I've seen a lot of white figures in my time. Ooh. We're opening with our RTR segment tonight, Reverse the Races, that is, if you knew.

We also call this Fuck No Joe, this story, but it's a Reverse the Races. Anyhow, it was a state treasurerurers and other top finance officials from 27 states, not 12, not three, not 11, 27 states on Monday urged jerk off Joe Biden to end what they said was his unconscionable, which it was, but he's unconscious. So it makes sense here. He is staring at a little girl's ass at a pool. Why he's got a microphone on his suit, I don't know. Anyways, they said it was his unconscionable policy of, get this, this one will make anybody nuts, of forcing people with good credit scores to subsidize mortgage loans of higher risk borrowers. Let me translate that.

White people subsidizing brown and black people mostly. And you can't say I'm a racist for saying that because you're the ones bitching them on and saying it ain't fair. We ain't got money. Mortgage loans of higher risk borrowers and warn Biden's plan would be a disaster. Well, you guys must be sharp.

What better way to unite the country, Joe, than to have half subsidizing the other half and resenting them for it? You're a fucking phony. You're a fraud. You couldn't carry fucking Trump's notebook, you asshole. I feel silly yelling at him because it's not even him.

He's just the fucking target. What am I going to go to AOC's house and bang on the window? Fucking Bernie Sanders. They're probably coming in their jeans over this. Biden's plan was outlined just a few weeks ago, right after they found him unconscious under a Camaro. Camaro? How about a vet? Okay. Outlined just a few weeks ago by the Federal Housing Agency. That's the FHFA. We call it FHFA. And is set to take effect today. The plan is aimed at helping

lower income, I'll say black and brown, maybe a couple, no Asians. They're all rich. You heard that right. Maybe some white people in Appal a couple. No Asians. They're all rich. You heard that right. Maybe some white people in Appalachia. No.

Borrow. Okay, now they get words jammed together. Help me out. Borrowers. Borrowers of what? This is. It's helping lower income borrowers afford. Afford.

Okay, they got afford and borrowers right together. It looks like a giant German word. Ballast Ford. Low-income borrowers afford their monthly mortgage payments. It would do so by forcing people with good credit, whitey scores, to pay more each month for their mortgages, extra payments that would be credited to the loans of high-risk fucking borrowers. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Again, I'm no Jim Cramer, but I'm pretty sure we did this in 2008. How'd that work out, you nipple-headed fucks... soup?

I can't help it, folks. I lose my shit, I lose my shit. The controversial policy has been attacked, get this, by both Republicans and Democrats. Again, do you know how far off the reservation you have to be with an idea for the Democrats to shit on a Democrat president or administration. It has to be silly. Because you know why? Those Democrats, they're rich too, white people. See, when it hits home, when it hits home, then they have a problem with it. You see? That's how the Dems work. Including President Obama's former,

okay, it was too far left for Obama's former federal housing administrator. On Monday, financial offices from 27 states weighed in and said it was clear the policy was a mistake even before it takes effect. But again, Dinkweed here, he doesn't know. They put it in front of him and they say,

Joe, sign this. This guarantees you a life supply of insure from the insure company. What? What? The state finance officers blasted the plan for turning the normal system. You don't even have to know anything about to see this is unfair. You know, I got a D in finance, by the way, and that was cheating.

And I still, and the teacher was a football fan, a fan of mine. Probably had a G. He kicked it up to a D. Plan for turning the normal system of home buying incentives upside down by hurting people who make sound financial decisions. So the people who make, again, the people who are doing it right, paying on time, doing what you're supposed to do, have a good credit score, they get porked. And they say to Joe and his idiot Beautifully said. The policy will take money

away from the people who played by the rules and did things right, including millions of hardworking, middle-class Americans who built, and that goes for some

black people too, by the way. You know, I kid up front, but, you know, it's really true. Built a good credit score and saved enough

to make a strong down payment. It sounds like Trump said. Very strong. Very strong on Russia. Strong on kosher salt. Strong on golf. They wrote, incredibly, those who make down payments of 20% or more get penalized. If you make a 20% more down payment on their homes,

they will pay the highest fees. That sounds fair, doesn't it, Joe? Now, where are the reporters right in his face going, how is that fair? No, they sit there and go along with it. I have more respect for Biden than I do the fucking,

what we call the jerk-off journalists. We'll pay the highest fees. One of the most backward incentives imaginable. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. It sure is. It noted that the forced extra payments will be used to hand out better mortgage rates to people with lower credit ratings.

Do you understand, folks? Can't you see this is a direct attack on capitalism, democracy? Do you understand? Can you fucking see? We're already on our way to whatever it is you want to call it, socialism, Marxism, whatever, communism. Do you understand? Nobody's standing up and stopping it. Others have said the plan would make it easier for people with shaky credit histories to afford more expensive mortgages. Yeah. A move that could put more people at financial risk.

How do we know that? From 2008. Remember, they were bundling the package together, high risk. Which started, by the way, I made this point on Crowder. I think I even impressed them. I said, this goes all the way back to Clinton. I don't know why I remember this. The neighborhood, what was it called?

The Neighborhood Reinvestment Act, NRA or some shit like, oh, whatever, CRA, I used to remember. The Community Reinvestment Act, CRA. Goes all the way back to then. That's when they were helping people who couldn't afford loans, handing them money. Anyhow, it always goes back to libs. I like Clinton

because again he did blow and he stuck a cigar in somebody's ass I always like the shit that people hate about the president their negative traits it shows that they're human what Kennedy fucking went down on Marilyn Monroe I don't like him what are you kidding me

I'll sniff his thumbs he's dead now I don't give a shit I'll dig him up what kind of talk is that oh fuck it anyways What are you kidding me? I'll sniff his thumbs. He's dead now. I don't give a shit. I'll dig him up. What kind of talk is that? Oh, fuck it. Anyways, that's absolutely ridiculous. By the way, in the second half of the show, I'll be talking about this Dr. Malhotra.

He's a, I think he's a cardiologist, world-renowned cardiologist, who said the vaccines are worse for people, and they have data now to back it up. It was worse for them than actually getting COVID. He said that on the Joe Rogan show. So you know it's true, God damn it. All right, let's move on. Oh, that's exclusively on Mug Club.

So join now. To get it, you've got to go to nickdopaloshow.com. Let me spell that. To get it, you've got to go to nickdipaloshow.com. Let me spell that. Nick, N-I-C-K, D-I-P-A-O-L-O show.com. Or nickdip.com. I think that'll do it, right?

It better. Or I'll kill somebody out there. Okay? Let's move on. No, no, no, no! In our FLA segment tonight, a Florida nurse, I should say Florida, but I'm from Boston, Florida. A Florida nurse went to a bar.

A Florida nurse is accused of stealing the identity of an 88-year-old patient with Alzheimer's. We are rotting. We are rotting. We are just corrupt. We are everything the Russians back in the 40s said would turn into, but fuck them. Who cares what they think? Anyways, a patient with Alzheimer's disease. They stole money. In order to pay for over $7,000 worth of plastic surgery,

police said on Friday. Oh, fucking idiot! You sure are, sweetheart. Can you imagine taking advantage of an old lady with Alzheimer's so you can get... Does that not sum up where we are in this country today? Fuck the old... Look, we never respect old people in this country anyways. Let's put it,

you know, United States is about youth. You know what I mean? Japanese, I'm sure you could actually, the Japanese love their old people. That's bad though. You can see like ladies in the 90s and bikinis and bud commercials over there. You don't want that either. I want some nice firm. Am I right? Let's take a look at this story. We'll actually give you a video because I'm sick of fucking talking. April 4th, about a possible fraud. Pause. Who's this guy? First of all, this is Florida. I've never seen an ugly anchor woman.

Here we got Kirby from fucking... No! It's from the love boat. Not go for the other guy. God damn it, he became a senator. She looks like a Keebler elf. She's the one who should be stealing the money for Botox. Look at her shoulders.

She's got the shoulders of Dylan Mulvaney. I get bigger tits. And she's got the shoulders of Dylan Mulvaney. I get bigger tits. And she's got... Whose haircut is that? I don't know. I got the face of Joe E. Brown. Joe E. Brown. Who's that? Old actor. Big old mouth.

Yeah, that's going to go good with our audience. Joe E. Brown. Joe E. Brown. You mean Joe E. Lewis? He was back. Joe E. Brown. You mean Joe E. Brown. Joe E. Brown. You mean Joe E. Lewis? He was back. Joe E. Brown. You mean Joey Brown. Joey Brown. No, Joey Brown. J-O-E-Y.

Look at this poor thing. There's no ugly anchor women anywhere anymore. I mean, the Weather Channel you can jerk off to now. Where did this little elf come from? I'm sure she's great at what she does. Look, she's good. He'd gotten a credit card bill in his wife's name with a balance due of just over $7,100.

He told deputies neither he or his wife ever signed up for a credit card. Have another pack. Deputies say they soon learned the credit card was opened by the victim's in-home caregiver of nearly a year, Tiffany Acuna. Not Tiffany. Oh. Let me tell you about Tiffany Acuna. Just looking at her. Go back to the close-up. I'm analyzing her face. You could tell that she could be really pretty with makeup and shit. Anybody with me? Yet? No. I'm telling you. That's a plain palette. Nothing wrong Yeah, no, I'm telling you. That's a plain palette. Nothing wrong with her lips.

I'm telling you. Maybe she shampooed her hair once every two years. Plucked her fucking Sam Donaldson eyebrows. No, I'm telling you. She's got like that face that would look great. She would clean up beautifully is what I'm saying. And she's a shallow twat. Okay, back to the report

I mean in November November is that it that's what we stopped in November I missed that reporter already Tiffany Acuna Acuna uh worked for American in-home care as a nurse which which means, I mean, is that why she took the job? Who knows? Until she was suspended on April 4th, according to the sheriff's office. When authorities contacted Acuna, she denied applying for a credit card in the victim's name and said she never got plastic surgery. She said, look at my tits. That look real? I don't believe her. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. She later contacted the patient's husband requesting a meeting to set up a repayment plan. Well, that's an admission, right? When she arrived at the victim's home, she had $1,500 in cash on her and a loan agreement contract, police said, but deputies were there waiting to take her into

custody. She told detectives the victim had given her permission to use her identity to pay for the surgery. Acuna was charged, that's Hispanic, isn't it, Acuna, with grand theft and, you guys are all criminals. I hate to paint with a broad brush. I'm kidding. I'm Italian. I know all about that. With grand theft and fraudulent use of ID without consent of a victim 60 or older, which is creepy because I fit in that category now. Okay? She's going to jail. Bye-bye, dickhead.

Yeah. She was booked Thursday at the Volusia County Branch Jail and released after, oh, she posted $10,000 in bail, which she raised from selling baby shoes that she took from selling baby shoes that she took from dead babies. Did I add that? Hey, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else go to nickdapottershow.com and join to get my full show and Steven Crowder's

show and a lot more. And while you're there, click on my tour button at my website to see me live at Daytona Beach, May 12th, in Arlington, Virginia at the Draft House, July 14th and 15th. Please do. Dallas will probably be with me. He comes and you get to meet the producer. He shoots stuff that will eventually get me arrested if I haven't become famous. guitar solo Outro Music