The Nick DiPaolo Show - Biden's Student Debt Scam | Nick Di Paolo Show #1263

Episode Date: August 25, 2022

FBI Inconsistencies. Biden a prick. Obama's DACA still hanging around. FLA carjacker. Clinton loses again. Russian tourist gives away position.

Oh, that was awful. So, back to school shopping. And prices are soaring on school... Must have found her son's diary. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'm going to get a little bit of a break. Great show, got some terrific guests. Got a great singer. He's a big hit in Vegas, out of Wales. Got a moose cock, I heard. Tom Jones is with us. A very talented, Hispanic lady, Chita Rivera. And a guy who's going to have a brain to him in about 10 years, Michael Landon.

He'll be with us. Great show. Tarzan was one of our earliest swingers. Did he ever actually marry Jane? Well, if he didn't, you know what that makes boy. I know. Come on now. I want all of you to enjoy your cake.

Who's killing time? So, enjoy. All righty. How are you, folks? Great to be with you always on a Thursday, final day of the week. That's right. I do. I just sort of realized this. Most people do a podcast once a week. I'm like, really? They don't all do them every day. God help me. What am I doing? I don't know. It's a lot of fun. I was on the phone with Truth Social today. They reached out to us.

That's President Trump's platform, his version of Twitter. And, yeah, there was somebody on there who had a fake account of me. And he had a picture of me from, like, high school. I have huge hair. I look like a goddamn chick from Jersey. And I have a nice tweed jacket with a light pink shirt. It's actually a good picture, except for the fucking helmet head. And the guy was saying in the profile that he's my publicist.

So we told them, Truth Social, to reach out and shut that down. They sent them a letter. And he writes back, I'm Nick DiPaolo's publicist. Jeff Monday. Jeff Monday. Wasn't he a football player with a cult? There was a Monday. Remember? Yeah, Jeff. Oh, that's Jeff Saturday.

It was Jeff Saturday. See what happens when you're 60? Yeah, one of those days. It was Ted Tuesday afternoon. Yeah, whatever. Anyways, so yeah, they want some, they're going to give me a big welcome. So sign up there, folks, where you can supposedly say anything you goddamn want. I even said to them, well, I'll test that theory. And they go, any ideas? I said, yeah, we'll put up clips from my podcast. I said, you don't mind I do it in

blackface, do you? Here's why I love these guys. There was no pause. There was just a big laugh from two guys on the other end of the phone. They started off by saying that they were huge fans of mine. He goes, I just watched the roast you did of Artie on Hot. I went, oh, my. I could feel my face getting flushed. I said, I don't mean to scare you guys.

Those are the best jokes I've ever heard in my life. They're the funniest, meanest things. And they said, we were crying over here. So they're excited about it. But I've said this 100 times in my career. And here I am in a room with a fucking vet above a dentist's office in Garden City. That means nothing to the people out there.

But yeah, Garden City, a place that smells like cat poop. It's true. The minute you break the fucking, the minute you see the sign garden city i swear to god there's no odor as soon as your headlights break that thing it's like you have a piece of shit on your upper lip not even making it up i'm not making it up it smells like burning tires and cancer it's like little Mogadishu. Little Mogadishu, exactly. And we're not talking Minneapolis. Real Mogadishu. Unbelievable. Anyways, make sure you guys, make sure to join me on Patreon.

Again, we got like 10 more new ones. I'm talking new members, names I've never seen. I could have been rich by now if somebody was paying attention. Make sure to join me on Patreon to get extra stories each day. Excuse me. It's called the Nick DiPaolo Show Encore. Today I'll be talking about a British couple having sex. Young couple, chick with a killer body, they say nine times a day, and they quit, you know,

they still have day jobs, but they're making some good coin. When I saw the number, that's it? I go, if I'm going to sell my wife out, it better be more than that.

But they're Brits, their teeth are all fucked up. Anyways, that's what I'll be talking about on the Encore Story for you people who are monthly subscribers. You also get access to all the past shows, including the Encore shows, discounts on merchandise, and more.

Visit patreon.com slash thenickdapaloshow to sign up today. Let's get right to it since it's Thursday and I want to get out of here. Look at my, I show Andy my fingers from playing guitar. Stevie Ray Vaughan used to glue his fingertips back on, they said, with super glue. I'm not there yet. I have to do that with the head of my cock. I pull it so much. Anyways, let's get on

with it. Headline, Federal Bureau of Inconsistencies. Not bad, Nick. FBI officials told agents not to investigate, excuse me, first son Hunter Biden's infamous laptop for months, vowing that the Bureau, this is in quotes, this is the upper echelon telling the FBI, not going to change the outcome of the election again, according to whistleblowers' claims made public Wednesday by Senator Ron Johnson. These new allegations, Ron says, provide even more evidence of FBI corruption and renew calls for you to take immediate steps to investigate the FBI's actions regarding the laptop, Johnson wrote in a letter to Justice Department Inspector General Michael

Horowitz. General Inspector means a lawyer, folks. Counselor? Yeah. Counselor? Counselor, are you there, Counselor? Could you be there, Counselor? According to the senator, individuals with knowledge had told his office that the local FBI leadership had slow-walked. This isn't news to people who have been paying attention, but it is because they're having hearings. Slow-walked the laptop investigation after the computer was recovered from Wilmington, Delaware. No shit. Repair shop in December 2019. Johnson, this is from whistleblowers though within the FBI, okay? Johnson quoted FBI management as telling employees you will not look at that Hunter Biden laptop,

like a demand, and promising the Bureau would not alter the 2020 election outcome. What do they mean by that? It's a reference to the FBI reopening the investigation to Hillary Clinton's private email server before the 2016 election. You know, and she still uses that to hang her hat on why she lost, not that she's a dumb fuck. You fucking people. This is the FBI.

You have no idea how to defend a nation you know i'm getting tired of giving them the benefit of the doubt honestly further these whistleblowers allege that the fbi did not begin to examine the contents of hunter biden's laptop until after the 2020 presidential election do you understand the we know because they took a poll and it was a 10% of Democrats said they wouldn't have voted if they knew this. They literally,

it's so funny because they said, we don't want to affect the election by putting that, well, you affected it by not putting it out there in your favor, obviously. This is the FBI, folks. Add those percentages and then remove all the fake votes

and then what happens? Yeah, exactly. Probably still one. Anyways, here's Hunter Biden, who, by the way, says he has a nine-inch dick. God bless him. I'd trade everything. My health.

My health. I'd be in a wheelchair with a nine-inch tongue. You know, oh, my God. I'm going to have to do this on stage. You know how Stephen Hawking wrote books with his tongue? I'd just do it like... Like... But he says he's insecure about it.

I'm digressing right now. Are you fucking kidding me? Honest to God, if I had seven and a half, I would never, I'd be walking around pools with no underwear, public hotel. I'd go down to the lobby. I'm telling you, I'd be on a sex offense. Anyways, he added that Horowitz should start

by obtaining the history of the investigative actions taken by the FBI on Hunter Biden's laptop, which should be available in the FBI's case management system, Sentinel, whatever the hell that is. Johnson's letter comes after highly credible whistleblowers accused the FBI, these are people within the FBI book, and Justice Department last month of burying dirt on President Biden's son by incorrectly dismissing the intelligence as disinformation. Remember that? Remember? They were saying, oh, what Giuliani has on that left, that's all Russian disinformation. And you idiots believed it on the left.

You're going to vote that way anyway. Anyways, that's according to Chuck Grassley. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved? Well, they said they were. Anyways, Grassley, seen here on the balcony of The Muppet Show, the ranking member on the Senate Judiciary Committee made the explosive claims in a letter to FBI Director Christopher Wray and Attorney Big Fag General Merrick Garland, he's a big girl, Wray was forced to admit earlier this month under grilling from Republican

senators that the allegations of FBI bias in the Hunter Biden probe were deeply troubling. Here he is saying that, see if you don't believe me. if you don't believe me. Isn't it true that Mr. Tebow, Agent Tebow, excuse me, and FBI Supervisory Intelligence Analyst Brian Oten covered up derogatory information

about Mr. Hunter Biden while working for the FBI? Well, again, I want to be very careful not to interfere with ongoing personnel matters. Oh, God, you're a hack. I should say... Go ahead, Dickhead. ...that when I read the letter

that describes the kinds of things that you're talking about, I found it deeply troubling. No, you didn't. Who gives a fuck what you think? No, you didn't. No, you didn't. Who gives a fuck what you think? No, you didn't. No, you didn't. You weren't.

I'm happy our guys are doing what I told them to do. Don't you love John Kennedy? That's the senator that questioned him. Well, uh, Mr. Tebow. Excuse me, Mr. Tebow. Uh, is it true you're nervous as a porcupine in a balloon factory? Waiting for fog hogging, leg hogging to kick. What did I say?

I said, son, you're lying, son. You don't like baseball. Anyways, so yeah, that's coming from whistleblowers folks that's people within the organization going yeah our boss has told us not to report on the Hunter laptop because it would sink Joe Biden

who we have to have in office because he works on the same team as us so it's talk about a corrupt administration but you know what that one's sort of on Donald Trump he put Christopher Wray in there So it's talk about a corrupt administration. But you know what? That one's sort of on Donald Trump.

He put Christopher in there. I don't know who vetted him. Let's move on. Speaking of the administration, Biden, just a prick. That's all I could come up with. He's just a smug glib, angry old man. And it's so funny. You talk about unlikable.

Remember, they were going to get rid of Trump because he was a bully and blah, blah, blah. And Biden was going to be the adult in the room. He's just a nasty old man. President Joe Biden was challenged by a reporter. As you know, he fucking forgave $10,000 in loan debt to every person, know making under 125 grand this is one of the biggest scandals ever they're saying it keeps coming out i read everything about it yesterday and it's not even constitutional number one number two you're paying for it i'm paying for it like somebody who's making 110 grand can't cover their the rich people aren't paying for it that

went to harvard it's all the blue collar people. It's unfreaking believable. Anyway, he was challenged by a reporter about the fairness of student debt relief order. And his answer was immediately lambasted by many on social media. Biden was speaking about the student debt program he ordered Wednesday. When a reporter asked him a real question to comment on the challenge that the policy was unfair to those borrowers who worked hard to pay off uh their loans and um and he's just a glib first first it's a chick did i leave the part in i don't think do see at the end it might not be but but here's a woman asking him that question is this unfair to people who paid their student loans or chose not to take out loans?

Is it fair to people who, in fact, do not own the multi-billion dollar businesses that have seen what these guys give them all at that expense? Is that fair? What? What do you think? What about people who paid their loans, so trouble to pay their loans? That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer.

That was Peter Dosey yelling out. How is it fair to people who paid off, Dylan? And he comes back with a totally non-sequitur. What does taxes get to do in corporations? First time I went, it is fair. Corporations employ millions of people. And yeah, they provide, I don't know how many jobs in this country

and pay way more taxes than this jerk off says they do. Yeah, then they get a break, but they also contribute to this vibrant society that we've created and what's that got to do with you sticking people, the everyday Joe, the blue-collar guys, you understand? It's the colleges. This is a scam. The colleges don't get hurt by this. We're bailing the fucking scumbags at Harvard and Yale and all these colleges out.

The ones that are poisoning your kids' minds, by the way. What a scam. And what are they going to do? Obviously the colleges are going to raise tuition next year. It's so asinine. It's a rigged game. And the people who are supposed to represent this, we call Republicans. I don't know if they're in on it, but they've been sleeping on it.

They haven't noticed this over. That's how you got to go. Everybody's in on the graph, whatever. But what a dumb answer. Is it fair that I beat my wife twice a day when she gives me the wrong color jello. I'd be a door thrower. Oh, Mr. Biden. What you just said... I didn't say shit.

...is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul. 300 billion? Is that what it was? I think.

300 billion? Harvard... What's was? I think. 300 billion? Harvard, what's funny, I've heard three figures. Yesterday, I heard Harvard's endowment is 60 billion. Then I heard 40, and then I heard 30. But anyways, Yale's is like third. They are filthy rich, and it's not coming out of their pockets. Insane. Actually, par for the course in this country. Many on social media

ripped into Biden for the response. Some guys said, what in the world is he talking about? Asked Tim Carney of the American Enterprise Institute. That's a think tank I used to belong to. I have no idea what this means, but they had months and months to come up with an answer to this obvious question. And here is the result, responded Scott Bertram of NRO. Exactly. Uh-oh, retard alert. Retard alert. Confused Biden.

Somebody said, can't tell the difference between an American taxpayers keeping more of their money they earn and the federal government raiding the coffers, that's your money, to buy votes. That's the other part of it. It's a frigging bribe. He should have sent a bunch of union goons knocking on people's door with an envelope of 10 grand in it and go, thank you for your vote. That's how desperate they are. I'm telling you, red tsunami. This isn't just comparing apples to oranges, somebody said. It's comparing apples to fish.

That's been sitting on the counter for three days, said Mario Batali. What? Kill a guy, let him put up. Oh, and by the way, so he also said this yesterday. Dale has found a great clip of talking about the 300, yeah, six, that's 300 billion. 300 billion with a big loan handout. He made a nice, once again, we know he's a racist like all Democrats underneath their fake fucking, you know, we love you black people, even though we need you to be poor

so you can, we can rely on you to vote us in, keep us in power, and brown people, and whoever. Now, this is what he says about, if Trump said this, they would have fucking hung him about blacks and brown people not really having mortgages. Even that one, I was like, what? That sounds like something I'd say. Go ahead, Joe. The burden is especially heavy on black and Hispanic borrowers, who on average have less family wealth to pay for it.

There's no they don't own their homes to borrow against to be able to pay for college. That's the average Hispanic family watching Joe Biden. They hate this prick. Another race. How to paint with a broad brush, Joey. Oh, my God. And nobody calls him on it in the media. You people are disgusting.

Might be the best show I've ever done. Folks, and I say this with a bit my state. I love being on stage. Don't get me wrong, folks. There's nothing better when you're ripping a crowd and having a blast. It's just fun. But I'm just saying, man, enough's enough. You guys don't need me no more.

Hey, guys, make plans to come see me. I feel like Elton John on my final tour. See me on the Yellow Brick Road. Someone saved my life tonight. Come make plans to see me on the Yellow Brick Road. Someone saved my life tonight. Come make plans to see me on the road. Here are my upcoming stand-up dates. Friday, September 9th at Soul Jolt's Comedy Club in Royalsford, Pennsylvania.

Saturday, September 10th, Algonquin Arts Theater, Manisquan, New Jersey. Sunday, September 11th, Sugar Loaf Performing Arts Center, Chester, New York. Friday, finally pay off that new tub. Friday, November 11th, Palm Beach Kennel Club, West Palm Beach, Florida. Saturday, November 12th, Snappers Comedy Club, Fort Myers. Sunday, November 13th, Sidesplitters Comedy Club, Tampa.

At the Tampa gig, I'll be doing a live Q&A after the show. People that have VIP tickets, so grab those before they're gone. You can get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com. Headline, fuck Obama and DACA. DACA's his dog. You got a new. Hold on. I got to burp.

Leave it. Let it roll. Thank you. Right now, some girl's going, I'm canceling canceling that's gross that girl's called my wife the biden administration moved to uh codify the deferred action uh for childhood arrival program daca that's known as daca uh ordered by former president, oh, you remember him. Obama in 2012 to protect 600,000 recipients from legal challenges. Boy, you got to hand it to them, man. They're like, we know we're going to get smoked in the midterms. We might even lose it.

Well, we might cheat again, but just in case, we better put the foot down. They are throwing everything. DACA, colloquially known as the Dream Act, has been challenged by Republican critics who say that the order was unconstitutional prior to issuing the DACA order. Obama had also said himself it would be unconstitutional for him to do. He said that many times, remember? Yes, sir. The policy allows for some illegal aliens who were brought into the country when they were children to apply for work permits and be protected against deportation. Today, we are taking another step to do everything in our power, to keep our power, they should say, to preserve and fortify DACA, an extraordinary program that, you know, lets people cut in line in front of people who

are standing doing it right, that has transformed the lives of so many dreamers, said Alexander Mayorkas. Fuck you and fuck you. Who's next? The constitutionality of the program is still to be decided by a Louisiana judge after a Texas judge ordered last year that no new applicants could apply for amnesty under DACA. Efforts by former President Trump to shut down the program were similarly struck down in court because officials didn't follow proper procedures. That's called process. The policy is likely to be found unconstitutional by the conservative Fifth Circuit of Appeals, after which the Biden administration

is expected to ask the Supreme Court to take up its appeal. Isn't the Supreme Court kind of conservative, too? Oh, well, good. Stick it up your dirty asses. But you know what? We said that and how many times have they let us down? Roberts and all the other cheese-eating, cocksucking motherfuckers. Clean it up. Suck it. Despite providing amnesty for about 600,000 illegal aliens, the DACA program has been excoriated by many on the left

for not going far enough. You fucking people. Many have called for blanket amnesty. I say that too. Make sure it's the same blanket you gave the Indians. That was a good one. For all of the illegal aliens in the United States, put that one in the clips, which have been estimated to range between,

this is what makes me laugh, 11 and 22 million. They've been using that number since I was in high school. Oh my God. I mean, I'm just saying, folks, just be prepared to hear this when you go to bed. In the apartment ex-home. Nothing wrong with it. That's Ricky and Lucy fighting.

Oh, my God. I figure that once all these DAC people are settled, America, well, it's already looking like this. Cucumber, cucumbers, cucumber, it's already looking like this. Torancas. Cucumber chigas. Cucumber chigas. Cocaina. Cocaina. Can't get a cocaine.

Welcome to the New World Order. That's going to be, that's Salt Lake City, Utah. Hey, you know what's unbelievable? Real quick, speaking of Florida, Tucker, I don't know if it was yesterday or whatever, or when I saw this clip, interviewing the mayor of Miami, I think it was this week.

Do you know if Miami, do you know, the safest, happiest, what do you mean? 28 murders total this year. That's it? Lowest in the country. Lowest taxes.

Unemployment's like 1.4%. And guess what? Biggest, most amount of cops I've ever had in the history of Miami. Hmm. DeSantis, maybe? Well, he'll get credit, but I give credit to the mayor, too. Yeah. If you remember, yeah, I mean, that's definitely, DeSantis will definitely, Miami is the jewel of, right? So he'll benefit, too.

But the guy's Hispanic mayor, handsome guy. I see future president in this dude. He, to me, seems like what Eric Adams was supposed to be. This guy's, I think, I don't know if he's Cuban or whatever. I didn't look it up. But it's true. If you remember during the riots a couple of years ago after the George Floyd, every city was burnt except for Miami, remember? They came out in force and said, you ain't playing that shit here. And my late great buddy Greg Zook, who was a cop down there for 30 years, said, yeah, after the

80s, remember they had a ton of riots in the 80s, he said, yeah, they drew a line and said, this ain't happening ever again. They meant it, apparently. But low unemployment, low tax, and they wonder why people are leaving for Florida in droves. Good for you, Miami. It's not just old Jews.

No, no, no, no! Ah, in our FLA segment tonight, Florida never disappoints, does it? A desperate Florida carjack. By the way, carjacking is out of control in all major cities. Again, I like to quote Tucker, who I think does his first 20 minutes of it.

The society, you can't, it's just an indication, especially carjacking. Nobody's safe anywhere. Anyways, a desperate Florida carjacker led cops in a multi-county chase in a stolen box truck Monday, smashing into vehicles, swerving across lanes before getting clipped by a police car while escaping on foot, by the way. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. Brandon Baker, 33, of Riverview, was reportedly involved in a carjacking before he made off with a white truck in Tampa around 7 a.m. Wednesday,

according to the Florida Highway Patrol. We need partners. We need brothers and we need friends. He's seen here. People don't realize he was the second-round draft pick of the Chicago Bears. He's a cornerback out of West Texas State, 48 years old. Look, there's a lot of car chase videos, so I skip over them every day,

but this one was very interesting because this guy could have taken out a lot. And it's beautiful how it ends. Let's take a look. Thank you, Billy. Continue on. Attention, men. We are going to the museum. I love it. Pause one second. You notice the Florida cops don't back off?

Like there's already a lot of cities where you can't Chicago. You can't pursue because you endanger other people which is again a big lie by liberal fucks and idiots because you're going to put other innocent people I don't give a shit so what's the alternate

you're encouraging them to steal because you're not going to beat Jay anyways go ahead Jesus Jesus This is my wife She stole a furniture truck Blonde woman Nice boobs

Oh He's knocked out of bounds at the 15th yeah it reminds me when my wife hijacked a bed bath beyonce she forgot her credit card so he faces a raft of charges and apparently a raft is a lot. What measurement is a raft? Yeah, I was thinking. I didn't remember Tom Hanks floating on a bunch of larcenies and drawing a face on a...

Including grand theft, leaving the scene of a hit-and-run, aggravated battery in a police officer. the scene of a hit and run, aggravated battery, and a police officer. His mom let reporters know she was not happy with her son, and have some audio of that interview. What folks says about this family, I does. I has told you and told you that you can always tell a lady, but the way that she eat in front of folks like a bird. And I ain't aiming for you to go to Mr. John Wilkinson's and eat like a field hand and gobble like a hog. You hear that, son? You ain't going to... Mr. Wilkinson's... You're staying home.

You'll be doing your homework. All right? All right. Hey, if you've got someone who's celebrating an upcoming birthday or event or just someone you want to send a great gift to, send them a cameo from yours truly. I'd love to send a personal message to roast your loved one or co-worker. Dallas has the link on the screen. Go there and you can see some of the cameos I've done

and order one yourself or just go to Cameo and search for my name. I make it, you know, a minute and a half, two minutes, and depending on how much information you give me, and we bust balls and people love it. Guy showed one at his wedding, 200 people. Apparently he had to move to Ireland last week. Anyway, so do that. Headline. This was great. This made me chuckle inside. Three-time loser. Well, who are you talking about. Learn about their duel. That was a, Hillary said, heartbreaking loss for the former first lady. You don't want to lose to Kim Kardashian unless it's, you know, based on a tit contest or ass, but not a brain cut. But, you know, I say

that and I get that. I'm not being fair to Kim Kardashian. She seemed to have done quite well. I know she, you know, wasn't born into poverty. I know all that. But, uh, she passed the bar. It took her three times, I think, or whatever.

So it took JFK Jr. three times. And a couple of kickstands, apparently. Yes. And, uh, I don't know. I like her when she liked Tommy, uh, Pete Davidson.

I know they're done now, but I like Pete Davidson. I know him as, you know, in New York as a comic. Good guy. Um, and I like that Kim liked him.

You know, at least he was halfway. Anyways, I, what? But Kim Kardashian is easy to poke fun at, but she's now a hero of mine after putting the thick-ankled dog face in her place. This broad couldn't win a goddamn race, foot race, against, you know who?

Somebody crippled that's alive. Stephen Hawking. Nope, he'd be dead. Even still. Yeah, even now. Yeah, anyways. Kimmy, I'm happy for... Anyways, as seen in footage obtained by people and shared, that's the magazine, the video version.

On August 23rd,ary and kim sat across from one another while hillary's daughter chelsea um scared the kids in the next room by looking through a window this poor thing jesus h anyways smart as it but but you know handed a living chelsea clinton asked both of them questions referring to law. During the game, which was filmed as part of Hillary and Chelsea's upcoming Apple Plus TV series, well, count me in, it's called Gutsy. Kim and Hillary would try to press their, what do you mean try to press? They were already making excuses for Hillary losing. They had buttons just like any other game showing you had to hit it.

Press their individual buzzers first to answer the question. Bottom line, Kim won the game after hitting her buzzer and answering correctly 11 times. They're almost making excuses already. But listen to how Hillary

and Chelsea, especially Hillary, again, an excuse. Even with this, instead of just saying, no, she smoked me, I get beat by a broad that I'll never be as good looking as, and she beat me brainless. But no, there's always the button. Look at that.

Look at Kim going, yeah. Staring. Right now, Kim, while they're huggingins staring at a black Secret Service agent. Yeah. Look at that guy. Anyways, here's the video of after the defeat, I believe. Under what circumstances may one use deadly force to defend themselves. Pause. If your husband comes home from a Westchester IHOP smelling like the waitress That's wrong, Hillary.

Kim? When one is being faced with deadly force themselves or one believes that deadly force is imminent. Was it humbling to lose that contest to her secretary? Oh, it was heartbreaking. Oh, my gosh.

Pause. Right there, it shows the cunt that she is. They said, you know, how did you feel about it? Oh, it was tongue-in-cheek sarcastic. Oh, it was heartbreak. In other words, it doesn't mean, you know, just couldn't be graceful even for your own show for five minutes, you witch. You know what?

You remind me of me. That's why I don't like it. Go ahead. I think it's also just needs to work on her reaction time, Sandra. It's like sometimes I could see my mom knew what the answer was, but she wouldn't hit the buzzer in time. That's great, isn't it? The daughter-making bailing out her mother. And go ahead, Hillary, you have something to say?

Really intrigued by how well she did. I wanted to, you know, put the spotlight on her. Pause. I wanted to put the spotlight on her. That's why she was hitting slow. She was intrigued by how well she was doing. She can't just go,

hey, what can I say? Wasn't my day. What can I say? I fucked my way to the top. I found Bill Clinton at Yale in 1967. I grabbed his knob and rode it to the fucking finish line, you dummy. Go ahead. But she'd worked really hard to get that.

You're not saying you let her win. No, I'm not saying that. I'm not saying. It's more the reaction time. Pause. You hear the lady said, you're not saying you let her win. Even the lady, good for whoever said that. Go ahead.

She would hit them, but I don't think you could really see that because they do like the buzzer sort of soundtrack in the series. But what you don't see is like, you know, Kim would hit it and then I would be like, oh, wait, no, I would hit it too. So she has to make a reaction. All right, enough. I hate both of you. Yeah, that's tough. It's right in your lap. You couldn't hit that?

If it was a Dyke's clit, you'd hit it. Oh, Nick, come on. You're a loser. You'll always be a loser. That's about the size of a Dyke's clit, I heard. Back in 2018, Kim registered with a california state bar to study law throughout her okay can't be uh people are going ah she blew the guy who runs the school no no no no throughout her multi-year process she's been uh open about her journey to becoming a lawyer and de remember, her dad was quite the lawyer.

December 2021, the 41-year-old announced that she had passed the baby bar exam. I don't know what the hell that is. After her fourth attempt. So, you know. You know, most Hollywood people wouldn't even reveal that. They would just say I passed the bar. You know. For anyone who doesn't know my law school journey, she says,

know that it wasn't easy or handed to me. She wrote in a December 13th Instagram post, I failed the exam three times in two years. But I got back up each time, told the black guy to get off me, and I studied harder and tried again until I actually did it. This Bud's for you. Good for you. This Bud's for you. I'm impressed with that. You know, she's a billionaire. Now I'm not impressed that I said that. What the fuck? I used to have a bit in my act about that.

God, I don't know if I can remember it. Something about her being a billionaire because she was born with an ass shaped... Whatever the fuck. It was filthy and funny. I can't even remember it. Google it. Nick DiPaolo ass Kardashian.

Is this the final story? Final story, ladies and gentlemen, for you people who don't have a monthly thing. You people who do, you're going to get another one. Russian tourist or Ukrainian spy? This one cracked me up. A hapless tourist has inadvertently given over key information about Russia to Ukraine's military. This is pretty funny. The man posted a photo of

himself posing in his swimsuit at a beach in the Yavapatoria Salt Lake next to the Black Sea coast in Crimea, where I have a duplex with Henry Hill's mother. What? He was seemingly unaware of the consequences of his actions, though, as the military vehicles shown in the shot behind him gave away the positioning of Russia's active S-400 air defense systems. This happened to me at Sandals in Jamaica. I was giving a thumbs up on my Speedo, and little did I know, sure enough, BLM was having a cookout behind me. What? The Ministry of Defense, they spell it with a C in Europe, of Ukraine made a stinging post. This is what

I love. They didn't just leave it alone. Ukraine, that's why I kind of like, they actually have to mock the guy. Why would you let people know you're aware of, I don't know, that's probably a comic. Making a stinging post, mocking the man for his mistake.

Who's your travel agent? Fucking Zelensky's wife? Maybe we are being too hard on Russian tourists, the guy from Ukraine said. Sometimes they can be really helpful, like this man taking pictures at Russian air defense positions near Yevgatoria in occupied Crimea. Crimea. I just said Crimea. Who's from Boston? He's looking at you, kid. Thank you and keep up the good work. Online journalists were quick to geolocate the photo to a location where Russian forces were seen arriving on July 20th. What exactly leads you to believe the Soviets were involved?

Russian-appointed governor of Annex Sevastopol, Mikhail Razvazov. He's Chinese. Oh, it's the Russian Brian Stelter. I get a good, I suck good dick in Minsk. Promptly issued a warning to Russian tourists on Telegram. So this guy, he does look like a stelter. He says, I remind you, this is a Russian guy telling Russian tourists, try to shoot fewer photos and do not upload videos

of how our AD, that's air defense, works. If you are filming or taking pictures, at least don't reference to the area he wrote. Did you see what I named this story? Wish you weren't here. How am I not famous? What do you mean, Nick? You had 11 people at last show

anyhow before I wrap up for the week as always I get a I am excited I really am I get an update from the wife

every morning and the show is back on track I'm really happy to welcome all of our new patrons this is since last night. Brian Porter and a guy named Eric who moved from the Comics Gym to Patreon.

Thank you, guys, first. Edvin Helland from Norway. Edvin Helland. Margaret Rittenhouse. God, I hope that's the kid's mother. What was his name? Kyle? Count Blue de Plata de Wildenburg de Golia.

I think I got that right. It might be a joke in there. I can't think of it. Ed Schmidt. Ron L. James. Hubbard. Will B. Right back.

No, no, no. Marty Ribbons. Dave Geyer. And Andy Navin. Jordan Wark. And Chris Poussey. who signed up for the full year at Patreon, received a 10% discount. If anyone wants to switch to annual, thanks to the wife, you can still receive the discount and no annoying monthly charges.

I also want to thank one of our listeners, John, for asking if there's a military discount at Patreon. There isn't, so we created a new $3 level for all retired active military as a way to say thank you. And please don't do what, when they allowed emotional pets on planes, people started bringing every animal who were fine.

They didn't need emotional pets. Please don't take advantage of them. It's for the vets, and God bless them. For those of you that want to support the show with a one-time or automated monthly contribution, my wife also finangled this. You can do that at nickdip.com forward slash podcast, like Stephen Standley.

Thank you, Stephen. You can now use a credit or debit card, PayPal, Cash App, or Venmo. So we gave you a ton of ways to pay. All right. That is it for the week, ladies and gentlemen. We appreciate. Don't forget Cameo. I think I already plugged that.

Again, I hope you're all moving over. If you haven't, please move over to Patreon. That's where it's at. You guys think it, I will say it. You're very welcome. See you back here on Monday. Have a great weekend. guitar solo Outro Music