The Nick DiPaolo Show - Blacks Boost Biden | Nick Di Paolo Show #308

Episode Date: March 2, 2020

Buttigieg and Steyer bow out. Trump is the "First Black President". Oprah falls on stage. Thank you Christopher M. from Malverne, NY and Troy G. from Brampton, Canada for your "Ask Nick!" Patreon questions and for your support of the show! MONDAY - THURSDAY 5PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

🎵 Oh yeah, how are you folks? A Monday from Georgia. Welcome to the show. Great to be with you, I'll tell you. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? That was the coronavirus doctor. Hello. Hello. That was the coronavirus doctor. By the way, you know, you know, Trump's calling it a hoax and I'm starting to believe him. OK, I travel this weekend. Didn't see one surgical mass. OK, I didn't see one on the way to Chicago from Georgia. Then I saw three on the way home at O'Hare at a crowded O'Hare. Hardly a fucking epidemic or a pandemic, I should say.

A couple people got it. They're like, yeah, I had the shits and I got a little sweaty for five minutes. Is that what we're panicking about? Un-fucking-believable. I don't know. I really do think that, you know, they're turning it up again, hoping that causes a panic. Economy crashes. Blame it on Trump.

But like I said, even if they do that, aren't you smart enough out there to go, Trump didn't bang a waitress at the Shanghai Gardens and then spit in somebody's face. Anyways. Oh, for the love of my...

Real quick, let me get this out of the way. Tour dates, nickdip.com. We update those every few minutes. So if you want tickets to come see me, what a weekend they had in Chicago. Remember, this show is free now, four days a week. So if you want tickets to come see me, what a weekend they had in Chicago. Remember, this show is free now,

four days a week. So I need you guys to donate at nickdip.com. It's on the shows on iTunes, Stitcher, SoundCloud, YouTube, all that stuff. But again, you guys with your donations are going to keep it on there. We still have Patreon. If you want to get one extra story,

if you want to ask me questions, or if you want to watch shows that we've archived, 300 of them, you can sign up at Patreon still. And as far as one-time contributions, you go to nickdip.com, click on the contact button. And if you have a small company or a big company, you want to be a sponsor of this show, hit me up at nickdip.com. We get a bunch of – Tommy had a bunch of calls this week. Something's happening out there. There is a movement, folks. It's almost like Bernie Sanders, only you've got an Italian guy in his late 50s who's a

fucking right winger. This isn't a campaign. It's a movement. You haven't had a movement in a good 10 years, Bernie. God damn, you're miserable, which I love about him. Anyways, Chicago, real quick. Unbelievable. Decatur Center on Friday night, Civic Center. And then the next night, two shows sold out at Zany's. Packed. We could have done this in a theater, a 600 seat theater. Packed. I must have taken 100 pictures. Everybody's mentioning this

show. Like four or five people asking about Raz going camping. They're like, isn't he black, DeBruce? He's going camping? I said, it's the South, man. They fish and hunt more than white people. You know, it's not a black or white thing, but I still find it funny. Raz told me they would. They didn't have moonshines. And then they went to karaoke. What kind of fucking camping is that? That is white camping. Raz did a John Denver tune, and then they booed him off the stage. 21 degrees you said it got down to.

It wasn't even that. It was 29 in Chicago for Brinella. But what a time I had. Thank you guys who came out to Zany's. I don't get excited much, folks, you know. But something's happening here. I feel rejuvenated. To celebrate, I had a deep dish pizza at 1 in the morning.

Each slice weighed 11 pounds. Gave birth to triplets in the bathroom on the plane on the way home. I thought it was a coronavirus. I sat next to a Chinese lady sneezing with a rooster on her lap. Anyways, let's get to it. I need one more of these, though. The Antichrist. You got me in a vendetta kind of mood.

Joe Biden, huh? Since we last talked, they tallied the votes in South Carolina. Remember, he was counting on this because he was shitting the bed in New Hampshire, Iowa, and everywhere. This guy, can you imagine? South Carolina, what are you thinking? Have you been watching this guy? This guy should be playing bingo in a body cast.

This fucking retard, he's senile, crazy as a shithouse rat. Obama's at home laughing his balls off. I can't believe I picked this fucking guy. Anyways, he won in South Carolina and he won big. What are we doing? What's going on right now? Yeah, that should be the question to the black people in South Carolina. And in bold and Joe Biden try to cast himself as the clear moderate alternative to progressive Bernie Sanders. That's the key on Sunday as the Democrats shrinking presidential field race toward Super Tuesday, one of Biden's leading moderate rivals, former South Bend, Indiana, Pete Buttigieg, the little mayor, dropped out of the campaign 24 hours after Biden scored a resounding victory in South Carolina.

So little Pete deserves. He'd be gone now. But you know what? He's doing the right thing by the party there's more to it that you know that they somebody made a deal with him and says look maybe it was biden i'll give you even though he's let me tell you something budge is no moderate okay if you look at his policies and shit but biden somebody promised him look i'll give you a position in my cabinet if you get the fuck out of the way because they they do not want Bernie to win. So I think he, you know, he cut a deal and he's doing the right thing.

He I said it about Buttigieg. He really is. He was the best debater, the most level headed. I think he's the brightest. But again, I mean, he sleeps with a fella. Well, Nick, that shouldn't matter. It does to me. Not in regular life. I'm talking about when you're leading the most powerful nick what does that got to do with anything i'm sorry that's how i vote hillary's more of a man no i'm i'm kind of fucking around but i'll evolve on the issue like obama did remember he wasn't for gay marriage so don't get all over my ass but dirty joe biden uh forced to rely upon free media this weekend. He did a bunch of Sunday shows because he was understaffed, underfunded, almost out of time as he fought to

transform his soul win into a national movement. Biden vowed to improve his campaign operation, his funding, his fundraising haul, even his own performance. Yeah, you better do that. Biden added a swipe on a Santa's signature lines during an appearance on Fox News. He said the people aren't looking for a revolution. They're looking for results. And you think you're it? Problem. You're the fucking problem. You're the problem, you cheesy dick.

You fucking Dr. White, onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time. Most notably, Bloomberg, the billionaire, could create problems for Biden as the race sped towards Super Tuesday when 14 states from Maine to Alabama to California hold Democratic elections as the 2020 primary moved into a new phase. The most powerful endorsement would come from President Barack Obama. He spoke with Biden after South Carolina victory, but still has no plans to endorse in the primary at this point.

That don't look good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not this fucking time. No fucking way, no fucking way, no fucking way, no fucking way, mate. That clipped in my headphones. I hope it didn't.

Biden, listen to this. To give you an idea how Bernie's doing, Biden took in $5 million immediately after the South Carolina win. By far his best day, single day of fundraising over the last year. But listen to this. Sanders said Sunday he raised an eye-popping 46.5 mil in February. Do you realize we have that many socialists? You young people, you're dumb as shit. You get brainwashed by a shitty public education.

You're professors of brainwash. Just Google Venezuela. I hope you like fucking leopard meat and fucking zebra balls. That's what we're going to be fighting for in two years. That compared to $29 million for Warren. Can you imagine even the titless Pocahontas still getting $29 million and $18 million for Biden over the same period? Oh, my fucking... You know, it's funny. So Biden, you know, we can't go on TV and not give us a gem.

Right. So he has the big victory in South Carolina. Everybody's jacking off that likes him. And then he goes on Fox News with Chris Wallace on Sunday. Wallace spoke with Biden about his Carolina or South Carolina when potential issues going into Super Tuesday. I was watching this, by the way. And he talked about Sanders and Donald Trump. Wallace also asked Biden at one point about a shaky performance in campaign trail gaffes that we have documented on this show. So Chris Wallace showed him fucking up like all the clips we've shown like three times. So watch how this interview ends.

And it almost fucks up everything he did over the weekend. I'm just probing he's out of his mind. You sleepy. Mr. Vice President, thank you. Thanks for your time. Please come back in less than 13 years, sir. All right, Chuck. Thank you very much.

All right. It's Chris. I just did Chris. No, no, I just, Chuck. Thank you very much. All right. It's Chris. But anyway, I just did, Chris. No, no, I just did, Chuck. I tell you what, man, these are back to back anyway. No, it's OK. You do it early in the morning to save travels on the campaign trail. Thank you, sir. Thank you. Thank you. Guys, he can't fucking.

He can't. Look, I have a little sympathy because I do morning radio, you know, but but this guy's running for the president of the United States. Thanks a lot, Ted. Good to see you, Pete. All right, Bob. Thank you for the interview, Susan. He has no fucking no idea what he's doing. Oh, it was just a little slip up. If that was an isolated incident, I wouldn't even bring it up. But let's I mean, this guy can't be on TV for more than two minutes. Oh, my aching stem.

And this is who you guys this is who you want, huh? Trump must have a fucking one of those mushroom head hard ons because he's going to stop Biden, who's senile, huh? Trump must have a fucking one of those mushroom head hard-ons because he's going to stop Biden, who's senile, and Bernie, who's a communist Marxist. I mean, give me a fucking break. Thanks a lot, Chuck. How you doing? I like Chris Wallace because, you know, he could have let that go, but he didn't. Well, my name's Chris. I've been doing this as long as you, cheese dick. What do you say? You get it right. And a byproduct or an unintended consequence or maybe intended consequence of Joe Biden when South Carolina is Pete Buttigieg dropping out. He ended his campaign with a call for Democrats to unite in their fight to beat Donald Trump. Here's a video of Mayor Pete. I am making the difficult decision to suspend my campaign for the presidency.

I will no longer seek to be the 2020 Democratic nominee for president, but I will do everything in my power to ensure that we have a new Democratic president come January. to ensure that we have a new Democratic president come January. I suck cock and I love it. Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Why'd you turn it up? It crackled. He was playing really low. Was it playing low?

Yeah. You want to hear that crackle in the end product? Huh? No, I didn't hear it on this side. Oh, all right. I'll just shut my dirty mouth. Thanks a lot, Chuck. I mean, Jason, I didn't hear it on this side. Oh, all right. I'll just shut my dirty mouth. Thanks a lot, Chuck. I mean, Jason, I mean. Buttigieg couldn't make progress with the minorities in South Carolina.

You know what that thing's all about? He had the nerve to fire a black police commissioner who had botched a shooting with a white guy shooting a black guy uh and you know i mean so god forbid you fired somebody for incompetence so but the minorities were not having a little that and they're not the conservatives aren't big on the gay thing let's be honest folks huh whether it's black white or uh i don't know what else what other colors we have in the country fucking All kinds of mutts out there. Another billionaire. Oh, you know who else dropped out? Nobody's even mentioning it. That wacky gay neighbor, Tom

Steyer. He dropped out. What a waste of millions. This guy should have went on TV, went into a portal toilet on a construction site, and just taken a bag full of cash and dumped it in the shitter. What a waste of time.

CNN reported that the former mayor, we're talking about Buttigieg, unwilling to be the reason Sanders is able to get insurmountable delegate lead on Super Tuesday, also reported that Buttigieg was not planning to endorse another candidate on Sunday. Sanders responded to Buttigieg's exit from the campaign on Sunday night with an appeal to his supporters. Do we have the, we don't have his tweet or anything? I can read it. He says, I want to, I want to congratulate the little fag from South Texas, Pete Buttigieg, for running a strong historic campaign to welcome all his supporters into our movement. I urge them to

join the fight for real change in this country. That's what he said. And Buttigieg retorted Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you! Excuse me. Goddamn coronavirus. I was making out with an 18 year old asian boy uh abercrombie and fitch she was a model and i can't stop i actually have been sick for about a week though it's kind

of we have i saw like i said a total of three masks on the trip yet there's a woman downstairs that has a salon here she She had a mask on today. I just wanted to snap it back and fucking, what the fuck are you doing? You're not living in Nigeria. You're safe. You're safe here. Excuse me.

Right now, I'm about to read the names of people who are donated at nick. Nick dip dot com. Joe three oh three three Biden. Nick dip dot com where you can donate to keep the show on the air. And these following people listen to this list. You're going to tell me not something going on. Christopher Walbridge, Missouri. Walter.

Walter Seam is Florida. Tony Pets, Michigan. Spencer Hodgson, Utah. Jay Hussinger, California. Glenn Beckviewer, Wisconsin. James Gussman, Hawaii. Philip Myers, California. Kurt Bytes, Florida. Stephen Turner, Ohio. Alan Black, Australia. Wayne Glover, Ohio, David Grounds, California, Patricia Foster, Oregon, Martin Aguiar, Texas, Michael Gimbel, New Jersey, Curtis Haley, Oklahoma, Joseph Veltri, Virginia, Anthony Guerra, Michigan, Andrew Marshall, Virginia, Chris Logan, Pennsylvania. Fucking Hillary didn't do this well in Pennsylvania. Clayton Veltkamp, Michigan, Neil Allen, Pennsylvania. Rydian Banner, the United Kingdom. That's England,

folks. David Rosson, United Kingdom. Brian Marzulli, New Jersey. Keith Light, Michigan. Thank you guys so much for the donations at nickdip.com. You're going to keep the show alive. I can't thank you enough. And for the people that came

out this. We got it going, man. We got it going on. Get on the DePaulo train. I it's headed right to, I don't know, Crackerbill. What kind of talk is that? Oh, let me tell you something about Donald Trump and black black people i know uh biden thinks he's got the black vote right democrats you should be scared you should be very scared wait to see the next few stories trump's got black the day to me this story about public enemy you know the rap group public enemy uh chuck d and kevin c and tommy p Chuck D and Kevin C and Tommy P anyways they're fighting Flava Flav you know and Chuck D

he's splitting up Trump's having a black effect he's got them fighting the iconic rap group Public Enemy had an internal struggle over the weekend that ended with the founding members Flava Flav being fired bye bye

how can you fire this guy? He's an entertainer. He's a point guard. Looks like an angry janitor. I actually met Flavor Flav. I was doing a guest on a radio show or CNN, I can't remember, in New York, sitting in the green room, me and Flavor Flav. And we hit it off.

We were making fun of the people and their makeup and shit. And this guy is as well-read as anybody I've ever talked to. I personally was – I guess I was being prejudiced because every time I heard this shit, I'm like, look at this ignorant asshole. And then like Raz said, he's playing the white man's game. He didn't say that. I just said that. But he was a fucking cool, funny dude.

And you really do, though. For years I was watching him going, he doesn't look like. I don't have any of his music. Let's put it that way still. But Chris Rockwood's a huge fan of these. Public Enemy and Public Enemy Radio will be moving forward without Flavor Flay. Public Enemy said in a brief statement Sunday, we thank him for his years of service. Is this the one I'm reading, Rez?

Don't confuse the people. We thank him for his years of service, and we wish him well. Flavor Flav and Chuck D were beefing over the marketing of their group's name and likeness being used by who? A 90-year-old Jewish fella. Bernie Sanders is using public enemy. You know why? Because it's all about revolution.

Who held a campaign rally on Sunday. Sanders used both public enemy's name and the title of their song, Fight the Power, on promotional items. Posters of the events said, Fight the Power in red at the top with Bernie Sanders plus public enemy on the bottom. Rolling Stone reported that in a letter to Sanders, Flavor Flav's attorney wrote that public enemy's endorsement of Sanders was false.

Only Chuck D, who was supporting the candidate, the letter said, oh, I smell lawsuit. candidate, the letter said. Uh-oh, I smell lawsuit. While Chuck is certainly free to express his political views, this is Flavor Flav's attorney. As he sees fit, his voice alone does not speak for Public Enemy. That was written by Matt Friedman, the lawyer. The planned performance will only be Chuck D of Public Enemy. It will not be a performance by Public Enemy. Those who truly know what Public Enemy stands for, stands, excuse me, those who truly know what Public Enemy stands for know what time it is. Get it? Because you got a big clock around your neck. There is no Public Enemy without Flavor Flav. If Bernie allows this deceptive marketing to continue without clearly correcting the messaging to reflect the true nature of this endorsement, we should accurately read Chuck D., a public enemy.

That's what it should read. Senator Sanders will himself have played a part in whitewashing. Uh-oh. A key chapter in American history. What are you saying? Bernie's a racist? I don't think so. Chuck D. told Billboard Friday that he could perform as Public Enemy

if he wanted to because he is the sole owner of the Public Enemy trademark and created the logo himself in the mid-'80s. I thought the guy from Wham! created Public Enemy. He's George Michael. Flavor chooses to dance for his money. Here they go. That's racist shit, Chuck E.D. Flavor chooses to dance for his money and not to do benevolent work like this.

He has a year to get his act together and get himself straight or he's out. On Sunday, Chuck D. responded to a tweet from someone who said public enemy without Flavor Flav isn't public enemy. I won't read the whole. Chuck D also tweeted, last final note, is this the one you were putting up, Brian? Anyways, if there was a bag of money, Flav would have been there front and center.

He will not do free benefit shows. Sued me in court the first time I let him back in. His ambulance lawyer sued me again on Friday. And so now he stays home and better find rehab. That's some tough talk. So anyways, Flav refused to support at Sankofa after Harry Belafonte inducted us, this is Chuck D talking, he don't do that so I don't attack Flav and what he don't know. I got to leave him at the crib so y'all trying to fill his persona with some political aplomb is absolutely stupid. Really? That's from Chuck D? Anyways, they canned Flav of Flav.

This could end in gunplay. I've seen a lot of these rappers getting a little beefs and ends in gunplay. Although these guys are in their early 60s. So maybe we'll just throw fucking ballpoint pens at each other at the lawyer's office. I don't know. I don't know how it ends, but my point being, uh, they canned them. Bye bye bye bye uh so who knows uh this is all this is the trump effect folks you know bernie's uh he's promising to give away shit and and you know fucking it's just crazy and you and and and here's the other thing bernie does and anybody like him liz warren they pretend they're attacking and they're going to get all this extra tax money from billionaires and one percent it's gonna they're gonna soak the middle class just do a

little history lesson on socialism the middle class will get fucked in the ass i uh i don't see how trump loses this again, unless somebody sneezes into a poo poo platter and they blame it on Trump. Florida A&M student. Here's the black effect again with Trump. You Democrats must be shitting your pants. Florida A&M, which is a predominantly black college. There's a student there says Donald Trump deserves credit for progress at historically black colleges. That was from a black woman. Florida A&M University student, uh, Crick Chiani. Oh, for Christ's sake. I'm dying. Never thought I'd see the day when I'm dying for a Tamika or an Aisha. Crick Chiani Watson said that Donald Trump has made great progress for historical black college. We have audio of her saying this on Breitbart, I think. Where he's helping us out. I mean, you got to give the man some credit.

Also, we hear about the unemployment rate being at an all time low. We hear all these great stats about what he's doing in our community and also other minority communities as well. So I think the progress is there. It's just the fact of are you going to accept the fact? Yeah, but they're not got on campus because you guys have been taught that, you know, everybody white and has money is a bigot and a billionaire. Bernie Sanders could teach at any fucking college. He could be the dean of any college in Washington, D.C., she said. I had the opportunity to work with a Republican representative. This is my first experience with a conservative movement. And I was just blown away and not with a handgun by a white cop, she said. No, I'm fucking I added that in there. So I had the idea to bring that same energy back

to my university in Tallahassee. That was your first mistake. I personally think he's making progress. The first thing I look into, especially at my university, is how he recently signed for the historic black college unions to be permanently funded. That was Trump that did that. I am your voice. That directly impacts, she said, that directly impacts uh he uh she said that directly impacts us and that's something that cannot be said for the last administration that was a black fella remember obama didn't do this

democrats you're gonna be shitting your pants and you know who you're gonna give let's not forget kanye west who had the balls to speak you, what he thought was right. And of course, he was labeled an Uncle Tom and everybody disowned him and whatever. But there's a ton of people of all colors that love Kanye West. You know, I guarantee he had a little bit of an influence. Watson added she feels the president has done a lot for the black community, but that if someone mentions the president on campus, all ears are shut off. They are not receptive to it. Of course not, because they're on a college campus being taught that this is the most racist country on the planet. Blah, blah, blah.

They were taught it in high school, like a middle school, and they're brainwashed. Thank God for women like this and people like Kanye West. They're really open to the idea of learning more about what they are. They're not receptive to it, she said. That's all you need to bugger off. I don't want to bore you with too many details. Watson told the guy that was interviewing that she was attacked by fellow classmates on Twitter after they discovered she had conservative views. Okay? Just closed-minded, just like the women that left my show. Before the show, there was a table of like 12 women,

and you could tell they just wandered into a comedy club for Saturday night, thinking that all comics were alike. And I said to the manager, I go, see this table? I'll flush them out about a half hour in. I think I was about two minutes off. But to their credit, they didn't make a stink about it. I didn't even see them leave, actually. But I was listening to them before the show.

You know, I sit there. See, people come to see my shows. I'm watching you from a closet or whatever. And they were just, you know, talking about it. One lady goes, these are the most uncomfortable chairs I've ever seen. Oh, you're a fucking, yeah, a white problem. And I flushed them out. I flushed that herd of fucking closed-minded witches right out of that club.

Happens every show a couple here and there. Look, Bill Hicks used to walk a room of 300. He would fucking, there'd be 10 people there. I did that once at the Sacramento Punchline. I got into it with the Bachelorette Party. Actually had guys yelling at me because I was being too mean to the Bachelorette Party. Then had to be escorted to the hotel by cops.

It was a pickup truck waiting for me. Real redneck shit. And Bobby Slayton was at that club two weeks prior and got in a brawl. Anyways, so it wasn't me. It was a club. But you ladies that left, I'm glad you didn't stand up and yell shit out.

Oh, my God. Let's stay on Trump being loved by black people, shall we? And you people thought he was a bigot. This guy's like MLK Jr. right now. Okay, let's not go too far. Former NFL football player and it's not Marshawn Lynch. Marshawn Lynch of, uh,

you know. Run through a motherfucker face. What do you think of Trump's campaign? Why was he sexful? Well, he has the same fucking idea as I do. I am. Hit the wrong button. Notice I got to go to you now, folks.

Huh? I do that on purpose. I thought maybe the coronavirus would get caught in here and not go up my nose and my mouth. I read beards are good during it. You have to rinse them. Former NFL player says Donald Trump is the first black president. Oh, my God. You're going to hear Bill Clinton breaking shit in his house right now.

The motherfuckers. I did everything for black people. They call him this fat fucking wiper. Hillary, you believe that shit? She's over there. Yeah yeah don't listen to it gotta wonder where she's been lately she's awful quiet you know what that means she's plotting somewhere trump recently held a discussion that found him communicating with his black supporters uh and during the discussion former nfl player jack, I don't know who that is, made a statement that many are considering to be random.

Oh, yeah? Many aren't considering it to be random. I don't know where I got this. Oh, the Hill. Fucking the what? Is that sure for the Hillary Clinton fucking monologues? The discussion at the White House included MLK, Martin Luther King's niece, Alveda King, who Reza said his dad dated in the early 50s. Diamond and silk. Well, I had a threesome with. Well, speaking, Brewer said,

I've been a Democrat all my life, but I'm not a Democrat now. You've changed me. He's talking about Trump. You touched me, which is a felony here in Missouri. And I will know. And you made my work go to another level. You inspire me. This is a black football player, former talking about Trump. And every time I go into those prisons and ask my guys how many of them had their sentence reduced, they raise their hands. He says, I know I'm doing God's work and I thank you for that. And here's the clip of him praising Trump. I say this because it's Black History Month. Man, you're the first black president. Look at Trump. Look at Trump.

I just got certified by the brothers. This is what it's come to in America. This is what it's come to. A billionaire, the most powerful guy on the earth. How do you make him smile? Have a black former NFL player tell him he's the first. Look at Trump. Look at that face.

Oh, my God. Hey, where are the white women at? Look at them. Democrats, you should be shitting your pants. Because I'm telling you. That made me fucking. He's the first black. Who do you think?

Well, let's ask Raz. He's an African American gentleman who camps by the way, and does karaoke. I agree. I think he's the first black president. And you know, I told you, I keep coming back to this. I was watching Fox news years ago.

Jesse Waters was still doing interviews on the street for a Bill O'Reilly show and a young black kid in Times Square. So we like Trump because he's a white man with money and he ain't ashamed of it. And I went, oh, this kid was like 22 years old. And that's the first that was the first. I don't know, man. Not everybody feels. Well, Archie Bunker, let's play. Let's play his view on the first black president. He was talking to George Jefferson, his black neighbor. I still remember this. Besides, getting elected, there's more to that than just being smart.

There is, huh? Then how come we don't have a black president? I mean, some of our black people are just as dumb as Nixon. What a great line. You ain't got a black president, Jefferson, because God ain't ready for that yet. Wait a second. What?

What? That's right. God's got to try it out first by making a black pope, which he ain't done yet. Can you imagine you can't do a show like that today? You can do the, what's it called? What's the show? Cedric the Entertainer.

The Neighborhood of Neighbors. It's an excuse to make fun of white people. Fucking every show. We have to sit there and go, this is excellent. Ay, ay, ay. Fucking folks, you young people who like me, Google all in the family. Norman Lear

wrote it. Speaking of good clips I have a question you got a question up on this bitch Christopher M which one dude Christopher M, Alvarend, New York love the show and I'm glad to be a subscriber

I especially love your creative use of the soundbites I was wondering if you could tell me where the clip starting with problem, you're the fucking problem that is from Sexy Beast the movie Wondering if you could tell me where the clip starting with problem. You are the fucking problem. That is from Sexy Beast. The movie Sexy Beast. We're going to use more controversial questions.

You know what I mean? But to answer your question, Sexy Beast. Ben Kingsley plays a little psycho. If you haven't seen Sexy, it's one of my favorites in my top 10, 15. Ben Kingsley plays a little psycho. If you haven't seen Sex, it's one of my favorites in my top 10, 15. Ben Kingsley plays a little psycho. And he gets it into, he plays a mobster. And he gets into it with a low-level mobster. And he's telling them off.

And it is one of the best movies ever. I forget the guy who's the lead. He's been in a ton of stuff. I don't know. What was the other question? Want to do two? I mean, this is for the, you know who people. Oh, it's for everybody today.

Troy G., Brampton, Canada. Which moments were most endearing to yourself while on Tough Crowd? Watching a hack comedian bomb or seeing a sanctimonious liberal comic get ganged up on by the likes of Quinn and Norton. Wait a minute. I'm the one who ganged up on the. How do you not throw me in there? The fuck are you talking about? I'm offended by the question, Troy.

Gee, you see my showdown with the friggin. Oh, what's his name? Black comic older. Used to write for Richard Pryyor hates white people paul money what are you talking about i wouldn't have to i'm a little that's what you remember norton and quinn how about me and patrice anyways to answer your question troy and I'm glad you watched Tough Crowd. It was watching the latter, the liberal comic get ganged up on, like Patton Oswalt fucking tried to insinuate I was doing a dick joke. And me and Quinn double teamed him, that little fucking nerd, who's a great comedian, by the way. I think he's got good stuff.

But, you know, yeah, he came out and said anybody who votes for Trump stuff, but, you know, he came out and said, anybody who votes for Trump is dumb and, you know, fuck you. And you go play Halo with your fucking gay friends. But I don't know how that's all you remember. What the fuck are you talking about? Geraldo went after liberals more than Christ's sake I did.

See how defensive I get? It's the coffee. Don't worry about it, Troy. Good question. I swear to my mother's eyes. I'm like grandchildren. But he makes a good observation watching the hack comedian. Not even hack comedians, good comedians.

Jimmy Schubert, who's as good as any. He's a funny motherfucker. I love him. Real, you know, old school. He, first time on the show, he was just caught in the headlights. After the show, he goes, we got to do that over. I didn't say shit. Let's rerun it.

He was stunned. And he's as great as I'll never forget his fucking reaction after the show was over. Do you notice a little horse? That's from, you know, three packs of cigarettes over the weekend and deep dish pizza and kamikaze shots. And I sit down with Tommy, you know, this guy. The day we get there, he sends me a video. My manager, by the way, who's 6'5", about 340, sends me a video of him at a deep dish pizza place. He actually had the way to doing this. You know, like on the commercials that stretches.

I jerked off to that video twice. It's not about women anymore. It's about deep dish or thin crust. Who are you shitting me? I'll jerk off to a Domino's, meat lovers. I don't care. I've never had bad pizza in my life. But I'm a little hoarse. And again, the throat's a little sore, but I'm fine. I, you know, I kicked any Asian people off the plane that I saw. I said, this guy spit on me. He threw a Diet Coke in my head. Get him off.

Wuhan shake. Have you seen this video, folks? Wuhan shake greeting goes viral amid coronavirus outbreak. That's right. They came up with their own foot shake. i'll translate that for you anybody who was on the cruise ship has to be hosed down the fucking super soaker filled with cat bits step to the right please chinese people afraid of shaking hands amid the coronavirus outbreak are kicking around a new foot-to-foot greeting known as the Wuhan Shake. You're going to be seeing, you know, this is going to be the new thing when somebody scores a touchdown in the NFL or XFL right now. You should jump on this. In a clip on Twitter, a group of men wearing face masks can be seen saying hello by quickly tapping. It looks like the Chinese version of Riverdance.

That's beautiful that's where is that though it's probably in this country that could be on 42nd street in new york city so now they're spreading tall fungus and shit good for them um it's it folks i hate to i don't want to take trump's side and everything, but it does look overblown. I mean, more people are going to get it and stuff, but they really, the Dems, right? As Rahm Emanuel said, don't let a, uh, whatever go to waste, capitalize on a tragedy. I can't remember the words I'm paraphrasing. Um, but anyways, in Italy, it's, it's,'s it's it's Italy's had the second most after China. That's because they're too busy.

Italy, you know, they're fucking working on giant wheels of Parmesan Reggiano. And across the world, the virus has infected more than eighty nine thousand people, killed at least three thousand, all of them in a non-smoking section of the Golden Duck, which is right up the street here. Anyways, most of it's still in Wuhan, but it is spreading and it could get worse. All right. But don't tell me. I mean, they are really exploiting it. Did you see Trump doing his press conference, though, the other day? He was kind of winging it. He had me laughing. He goes, hey, this is where he loses people. Ah, April. We'll probably have a kill by April. And you see a bunch of people in the back

from CDC. People are behind him throwing up with snot bubbles. April? What the fuck is he talking about? But you know what he's doing? He's trying to keep the stock market up. Because, once again, the mainstream fucking media is making this into a –

hopefully, you're going to terrify people into a panic. And you can't find anything at the supermarkets. All the masks are gone. I wore the, you know what, mask, Pennywise mask on the plane. Go ahead, Raz. Do you know why the virus affects the stock market? Why is it dropping do i know why yeah do you understand that who the fuck am i kramer well no i i understand some of it absolutely because uh especially in china you know the whole trade thing first of all trump a month and a half ago when this first

people mentioning this virus or a month, remember, he wanted to ban travel from certain places and he was called the fucking racist, but he went ahead and did it anyways. So the Trump administration, we we took move. Nobody's mentioning it in the mainstream media. They're saying we're not ready, not prepared when he did something that's already was proactive and he's getting no credit for it, depending on who you want to believe, folks. I'm just reporting. But yes, people get sick. People at work. They have to close. They're closing cities in China and Italy. People aren't shopping. And, you know, I mean, people don't go out and spend money.

And that's, you know, and again, the Dems, anything to fucking win, you know, and I'm not saying all Dems but if you watch the news which I do I flip through the channels it's unbelievable you think Trump like you know made out with some fucking Chinese whore and we all know Milani is not Chinese

anyways yeah that's how it affects it and my brother my brother sends me a text that I couldn't even understand because you know he's got a fucking bastard in business on how it's going to affect the 401ks and all this shit my eyes are glazing over no does that mean i shouldn't have bought a three-bedroom in wuhan it had 58 bathrooms um anyway but that's why you know do you know who died uh that's the right hand man to the ayatollah khomeini over there in iran he's like right hand man died of coronavirus am i supposed to be upset that's all i'm saying excuse me speaking of the uh stock mop going down you know who else is going down oprah went down like she was hit by fucking ronnie lot this clip and again i you know i hated

oprah because i think she's responsible most of the political correctness in this country. Her show for 30 years was bashing fucking white fellas and horny guys and whatever. But like I said, if I met Oprah, I think I'd kind of like her. Maybe not. Raz just said, fuck that. I met her once and I said, listen, bitch, you're confusing a bunch of white housewives. My mother couldn't miss Oprah.

I used to go, why are you watching this shit for? I get in a fight with my mother. Like, what are you doing? The camera shuts off. She fucking hates crackers. You know that.

I know that. Like, what do you think? You're going to find the key to a Buick under your recliner? She fucking hates you, ma. How can you say that? Anyways, uh, onap Day, ironically enough, Oprah Winfrey told fans on Sunday she's willing.

She's doing well. Here's the frigging. I saw this. I laughed for about 10 minutes. This is Oprah talking. You have to name it to claim it. So here's my definition of what wellness means to me. This is my definition, not yours.

Just an idea. Because you're going to be defiant. Wellness to me means all things in balance. In balance doesn't mean the keyword balance or equal or at peace at all time. Oh. Wrong shoes. Now, this made me like her. I would have been, this is me on stage if that happened.

Who the fuck? Who spilled a Diet Pepsi up here? She sat up and didn't, you know, she didn't like the way she handled. She said wrong shoes. But I want to know. I think she's got a touch of Hillary disease. She went down like a fucking. Can we see that again?

You have to name it to claim it. So here's my definition of what wellness means to me. This is my definition, not yours. Just an idea. She's talking about balance. Defining it for yourself. Wellness to me means all things in balance. And balance doesn't mean all things are equal or at peace at all times.

Wrong shoes. Oh, the poor Oprah. She sent thanks. She says Sunday reading and icing. She had a thing on her, like a thing on her arm that costs like it said anywhere between $400 and $3,000. Thank you for all your kind wishes. Yes, i slipped on stage and now i'm a meme she's 66 but so grateful to be only a little sore uh anyway she's she said thanks to 18 million instagram followers is that what i gotta do fall where's the thing on her arm oh it's on her foot

don't fall where's the thing in her arm oh it's on her foot oh it's on her leg the fuck that thing looks serious anyways i like the way she fucking handled it oprah you don't have much nice to say uh she told her best friend i don't think it was embarrassing i just thought okay i fell everybody knows what falling is you uh you would not to fall, but now I've fallen. Whatever. But I pick myself up and, you know, I have six trillion dollars. Who gives a fuck? Normally I'd sue these motherfuckers, but I don't need the cash. There's only one clip funnier

than Oprah Palm. Another black chick. This made me laugh. We played this on the show. Show that again. That fucking kills me. Of course, she doesn't tear anything. That was me. Not that I'd be trying those shoes on.

I would have tore both my patellas right the fuck out. She gets up laughing. Anyhow, I think that's enough for today on a Monday. Again, you guys, thank you for contributing at nickdip.com because the show is now free four days a week. That's what's going to keep it alive. And all the other stuff. If you have a company that you want to sponsor the show, which Tommy's got about 10 phone calls this weekend. If you want to be a sponsor, hit me up at Nickdip.com.

If you want your name read on the show, I'll read it out loud if you contribute at Nickdip.com. If you want to be a Patreon member still, you get an extra story. You can ask me questions, and you have access to 300 archive shows. That's it. Anyways, have I got it all? Cameo.com. Don't forget that. If you want me to send a personal video, you guys go to Cameo.com, click on my profile, tell me what you want me to do. I will roast a friend of yours or an enemy, whatever. Somebody you like, I can be

nice to, happy birthday. Just click on that, Cameo.com. I'll be glad to do it. That's it. This is all about free speech, so we need the donations. Keep coming out to see me live. You guys think it, I will say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow. Bye-bye. guitar solo I'm out.