The Nick DiPaolo Show - Blowhard Baldwin Bellows Again

Episode Date: December 18, 2018

St Nick or St Nicole. Douche De Blasio’s Racist Plans. Prada Red-Faced about Blackface. 

Thank you. Oh yeah. Welcome to the show, folks, on a Monday. How are you? Welcome to the show, folks, on a Monday. How are you? This episode of the Nick DiPaolo Show brought to you by Bluetooth.com. Gentlemen, do you remember the days when you were always ready to go? Back when you would finish with a lady or a man and then be ready to perform again? And when you performed, it was never a three-quarter mass. No, it was always full mass.

But like all things, ages catch up and can impact your performance. But thanks to our sponsor, BlueChew.com, you can increase your performance and get some extra firepower in bed for free with promo code Nick. BlueChew.com, that's blue like the color and chew because BlueChew.com, that's blue like the color and chew because BlueChew.com has created the first chewable supplement packed with the same FDA approved active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis. Since they're chewable, they work up to twice as fast as a pill. So you can be ready whenever an

opportunity arises. With BlueChew, you'll be at 100% whenever you need to be. And not only that, but it can shorten your recovery period if you want to go again in the same night, which is a feat for me at this point. Blue Chew ships straight to your door in a discreet package, so no in-person doctor's visit, no waiting in the pharmacy, and best of all, I've been told that your dick gets harder faster. What's not to love, folks?

They're made in the USA, and since Blue Chew prepares and ships direct, they're cheaper than a pharmacy. And here's the deal. Visit bluechew.com. Get your first shipment free. That's right. I said your first shipment free when you use special promo code Nick. Just pay $5 shipping.

Again, that's B-L-U-E-Chew.com. Promo code Nick, N-I-C-K, to try it for free. We thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the Nick DiPaolo show. It's a good stocking stuffer, am I right, folks? Sure it is. And you know what? Everybody uses it, not just

older fellas. Young fellas like it because it's that good. It's quick and takes all the guesswork on it. You know what I'm saying? I assure you, though. Look, guys, Christmas is coming up fast, and I'm sure some of you are still trying to figure out what to get for your friends and family over that asshole liberal at work

that you get stuck with in Secret Santa. Well, your worries are over. From now until December 20th, you can get anything from the Nick Dipp dip store at 20% off by using promo code YouTube 20 and Facebook 20. This code is for all of you guys to show how much I appreciate you. And you know, to make your family a walking billboards for the Nick,

the Palo show. So get a hat shirt, CD, DVD, or autographed ones at Nick dip.com slash slash store and use codes YouTube20 and Facebook20. And if you subscribe on Patreon, you can get an even bigger discount. So do that. It's Christmastime.

Great time for stuff like that. Is it not? Sure it is. Dates, real quick. This Saturday night, the comedy work Saratoga Springs, New York, New Year's Eve, Tarrytown Music Hall, Tarrytown, New York, Wednesday, January 9th, the Fat Black Pussycat, New York City, Friday, January 11th, Lucy's in Pleasantville, New York, Saturday, January 12th, Fairfield Theatre Company, Fairfield, Connecticut, Saturday, January 19th, Bobby

V's, Windsor Locks, Connecticut, Sunday, January 27th, the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club, Ventura, California. Friday and Saturday, February 8th through the 9th, the Black Box, Bogarton, Florida. Friday, March 8th, Wood Theater, Glens Falls, New York. Saturday, March 9th, Cohoes Hall, Cohoes, New York. Friday, April 26th, Steel Stacks, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Friday, May 34th, Jonathan's at Gunkwit, Pennsylvania. Friday, May 31st, Jonathan's at Gunkwit, Maine. Saturday, June 1st, Whites of Westport, Westport, Mass.

Saturday, August 10th, Newtown Theater, Newtown, Pennsylvania. Saturday, October 19th, Ridgefield Playhouse, Ridgefield, Connecticut. Last time I was at the Gunkwit gig, Jonathan's, you know who was in the audience? No, actually it wasn't. It was the Red Hook Brewery in New Hampshire. Coach Chip Kelly of UCLA fame and then NFL fame. So apparently big fan. I would have loved to have met the guy.

Offensive genius. It didn't quite fly in the NFL, but no doubt an innovator at that. And the head of UNH's head coach was there, too. That's kind of fucking weird. I could have used that back when I came out of high school, UNH. Could have used that. I thought I was going there in a full boat, and they found out about my shoulders breaking up like balsa wood, and they scratched me off the list yeah they're doing their due diligence as they say let's start with uh oh i don't know we're streaming live are we not facebook and we'll do it live and uh we'll do it live fuck it youtube and uh all those things you've got to get mad you've got to say i'm a human being god damn it my life has

value okay i'm as mad as hell and i'm not gonna take this anymore let's get to the ridiculous and sublime right up front from the daily beast left-leaning piece of garbage i think at least from this article this is the fucking headline i'm not making this up witches to trump stop calling the mullah investigation a witch hunt can i make this shit up are we the most immature society on the fucking planet we deserve what we get honest to god we have to be weakest saddest fucking disgracia it may on the surface seem like a harmless way to trivialize special counsel muller's investigation into on the surface it is into russia's interference in the 2016 presidential presidential campaign by the way

that's not what it's about it's about trump colluding with the russians to interfere the campaign so get your shit straight daily beast but to the actual community of witches donald trump's constant invocation of witch hunt is deeply problematic and frankly a bit hurtful can i ask you a question what the fuck isn't hurtful today huh Huh? You guys are fucking witches. How do you hurt a witch? Put on makeup and fucking decent clothes? Why don't you try shaving your ass and douching once every three weeks?

You hurt our feelings. Really? You're an adult and you believe in witchcraft. Get on your broom and crash into the fucking side of a bridge. How about that? I mean that to everybody but Elizabeth Montgomery, my favorite witch of all time. Used to smack it to her.

That's right, folks. Yeah, so they're upset because Trump uses witch hunt. For those who practice witchcraft, the president's words bring up a painful period in history when men and women were accused of being witches and murdered, both in the American colonies and in Europe. Oh, I'm sorry, so we shouldn't bring that up? Is that the little blight?

If you didn't do that shit back then, nobody would know who the fuck you are! Even now! And that's what you're doing to Trump and to Republicans. It's the same shit, McCarthyism, witchcraft, all of it. So shut it! Stick that broomstick up your ass your green face hook nose twat that goes for the men too i guess i'm sure there's male witches and call them shepherd smith what what actual witch hunts

have left what witchcraft author kitty randall who uses the name amber k should be amber c in the witching world she calls it a traumatic emotional imprint on modern day witches you're probably saying why even read this it's so ridiculous because uh they're a group and they hate trump so that's why I'm going to address it. Witch, witch, witch hunt. Witch hunt. Witch hunt. Witch hunt.

Witchy witch. Ugly broad witch hunt. What else do you want to call it? How about a farce? A facade. I'm sure that'll piss off the French. I don't know what... I don't even know the the basics of uh where that came from but uh

listen to this one of the witches said to as she was not being fucked by a man to have him compare his situation to the worst period in our history is just infuriating oh is that what kitty randall thinks why don't you go shit in a box, Kitty? On Twitter, Trump has called the Mueller investigation a witch hunt more than 60 times, which is low, in my opinion. Listen, witches view the use of the phrase as more than just a pejorative rhetorical device. They place it, rather, in the larger context of the president demonizing and marginalizing minority groups that's right marginalizing black people by giving them the lowest unemployment ever marginalizing uh latinas by giving them the lowest unemployment ever marginalizing woman by giving

them the lowest unemployment you are full of shit you guys are in denial you fucking scare me you have lost all ability to perceive reality correctly. You're sick in the head. And it's not just witches. I'm talking about anybody who votes fucking Democrat at this point. You've lost your minds. He's so far into your head. I, according to witches who spoke to the Daily Beast, I just picture a bunch of them flying. Nick, they don't fly in our, what are they, on Vespas now?

Whatever, fucking Uber. No witch has ever been raped in an Uber, by the way. That's a hard thing to do. Yeah, according to witches who spoke to the Daily Beast, most contemporary witches are feminists. Yeah, you're telling me. You're telling me. The modern day feminists physically make the

fucking witches in salem look like beauty queens goodness gracious hell Louise yeah most of them are feminists and support other marginalized groups how are you marginalized all we do is talk about you you so-called marginalized groups uh black, brown, gay, yet you make up a total of about 40% of the population total. And we talk about you on TV and on podcasts and in movies and on commercials for about 112% of the time. So marginalize my left nut

along with my right one. Back to you, Dave. Salisbury called Trump... This is a guy, by the way. Salisbury called Trump's is a guy by the way Salisbury called Trump's witch hunt tweets disgraceful especially because Trump's attacks on immigrants and women again there's attacks

on immigrants and women all that shit started when Trump showed up is that what you're telling me I can hear a lot of not a hum but when Trump showed up. Is that what you're telling me? I can hear a lot of... Not a hum, but kind of... What do you call it? A light hiss?

Yeah. We found that earlier. We couldn't figure out how to get rid of it. We're working on it. It won't go out on the end product, will it? No, no. Nobody hears that. Oh, just me.

It's just the power of your headphones since they're so loud. It's my headphones that... You know what? Jay's going to power of your headphones since they're so loud. It's my headphones. You know what? Jay's going to put a button out here that I can adjust. But I have to have them this long. Otherwise, I have to be eating the mic. And I know you like that, Ryan, but I don't like this type of thing on my mouth.

Don't get all shy of me. You're out here with no shirt on flexing for all the twinkle lovers. Mama, it is particularly horrifying because many modern practitioners of witchcraft devote their lives to seeking compassion and justice.

Oh, do they? Where do they do that? In the fucking Court of Appeals, Ninth Circuit? Lick it and blow it. Faced with a barrage of witch hunt slurs, some witches have chosen to raise the stakes, resorting to spell casting. A group of witches organized on the internet casts a monthly blinding spell on Trump,

while another group attempted to hex Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh. Well, I guess you don't have any powers, because he got sworn in, fucking... How'd that work out, you hex? Well, I guess you don't have any powers because he got sworn in fucking. How'd that work out, you hex? What, you have a little judge doll when you fucking stab it with a bobby pin? How did that work out for you?

You people are mentally ill. May you all die in a house fire on Halloween, ironically. One which says, I don't think we need to attack trump with spells he's in the middle of a process of self-destruction yeah i can see that it's going to get voted in again in 2020 833-599-6425 833-599-6425 is the phone number. Give us a call anytime you goddamn like. If Mueller's investigation were truly a witch hunt, then Donald Trump would be hanging naked from chains in a cold barn somewhere, being tortured into admitting his pact with Satan. This is coming from witches.

Who's your pact with? Before being burned at the stake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead, he's golfing at Mar-a-Lago. Sounds like he's winning, as Charlie would say. He's fucking winning. You guys are meeting on Tuesday night like a Dungeons & Dragons fucking losers that you are. And Trump's playing golf with models.

Yeah, he might even grab one of their asses or pussies. If I could have it my way. I mean, consensually. Yes, sir. I'm one of their asses or pussies. If I could have it my way. I mean, consensually. Yes, sir. I'm one of those Dungeons and Dragons losers. Yeah, you look like it. You really do with your fucking three-inch neck and your horrible bowel movements that fill this house with some type of mustard gas that the Kurds are afraid of.

Ryan, Dungeons and Dragons, did you? Every Sunday. Every Sunday? Every Sunday. Imagine that. Football's on and he's watching. He's playing Dungeons and Dragons. I play Chanter, the mute bird person cleric.

I can't make this shit up. I can't make it up. He can only speak in Gregorian chants. See, I mean... Oh, man. He's a priest. Oh, God, help me. I want all of you to enjoy your cake.

So, enjoy. And by cake, I don't mean pussy, Ryan. I mean your little faggy games. Dungeons and douchebags. My God allows me to fuck bitches and get pussy in that game. I don't like the black lingo.

I don't prefer. I don't call women... What did you call them? Let's move on. I feel like punching somebody in the throat today. Really don't call women. What did you call them? Let's move on. I feel like punching somebody in the throat today. I really don't need this in my life. Alec Baldwin tweets that Trump is punishment for slavery, slaughtering Native Americans.

Actually, Alec, that would be Obama. Obama would be punishment for slavery because his election was the direct result of white guilt because of slavery and so-called slaughtering of savages. That would be Obama. He was punishment to this country for that because he couldn't have got in without the help of guilty white conscience. So you couldn't be more wrong.

Like a true liberal and blowhard you you know nothing of you speak i like your work i think you're a decent actor you can be pretty funny but what the fuck are you talking think about what you just said think about it our first black president got in because of white guilt so white guilt over what that right, slavery and other so-called sins of our forefathers. Personally, I sleep like a baby at night. Sleep like a baby at night. I had nothing to do with it. Anyways, Trump is a curse, he says,

brought down on us as punishment for our sins. This is his tweet. The slaughter of Native Americans, slavery, Japanese internment. Oh, he's still bringing that up. Vietnam. Every hateful, misogynistic, racist notion. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, is that a uniquely American sentiment?

Racism and misogyny? Oh, I'm sorry. Like a true liberal, just an America hater. Blame America first. What a cheese eater. I like when he goes after the paparazzi and shit and calls his daughter a pig. So, you know, he has the right to speak up.

He says Trump embodies all of those. He is us. Well, if you just said us, meaning you. So what are you talking about? you said that during Reagan's administration during Bush during George W. Bush you say it to every Republican president once again you're a fuss and a fucking

C-list actor he says he is us now we can face it and exercise it he wrote oh my he does he just doesn't fucking understand the problem you're the fucking problem you fucking dr y on king jam rag i'm telling you h you keep looking at me i'm gonna put you in the fucking ground i promise you He added, Mr. Baldwin did, remember that once Trump is gone by whatever means and is replaced by a competent slash duly elected successor, like Obama, a guy who lost over 1,100 legislative seats for your party and whose economy only president in history to get to three plus three percent as far as GDP you mean that type of success and then forced a government-run health care out people's throats and And lied to him to do it. You mean that that fucking type of guy?

So you're talking about? Regal uh regal he says it'll be necessary for for all in this country to offer their support to that man slash woman regardless of party is that what you're really fucking thinking well fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you problem you're the fucking problem you fucking dr y onking jam rag arkin spunk bubble i'm telling you h you keep looking at me i'm gonna put you in the fucking ground i promise you 833-599-nick here are some of the people that agree with them some of the sheeple on social media which i hope comes to an end i hope they find out it causes cancer in babies and fucking

third world countries. And then that's all. I don't know where I'll end it. Megan said she agreed with Alex. She says, we are at the end of a long path that has wisely asked us to look at inverse of American exceptionalism. Oh my God.

Go take a shower, Megan. You have lost your... Acknowledging our failures allows us to aspire to the enlightened aspirations of America. So, I mean, if you agree with that, you agree with the Democrats and Nancy Pelosi. Are those the values of America, San Francisco? People laying their own shit, stepping over AIDS-infected needles,

and everybody has Hep C, living in tents. Is that the values of America? You don't believe in the Constitution or liberty. Shut your fucking dirty vag, Megan. Maggot. Mealy-mouthed mamalook. Some poetry for you right there. The radical notion of a free and virtuous republic.

You wouldn't know free and virtuous if it bit you on your half-clit, half-hog. Tina Ruffo weighs in. I'm sure this will be good. That man-slash-woman will not have my full support unless they are against everything Trump pushed for. So you're for what? You're for high unemployment. You're for a booming economy you're for North Korea sprouting its wings with nobody watching

What a dumb see you are including tech tax cuts for the 1% The 1% that provided what 88% of the jobs and then pay over half the taxes again, Tina Quit watching the Adam's Apple on MSNBC and fucking try to think on your own, you fucking walking yeast infection! I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore!

Tina Ruffo. Here's some tweets that agreed, that disagree with Mr. fucking Blowhard about Trump. This guy says, I didn't know I heard, he says, I don't know, I heard Trump is very nice,

very good man in person, that he's actually very generous and despite all the money he has, he's down to earth and can relate to people from all walks of life. I heard that too from a woman who used to work. You know who told me, Bobby, a guy that owns a comedy club in Tampa, knew a woman who worked for Trump and said he couldn't be more generous. There was something wrong with one of the lawnmowers where they cut the grass at one of his places. He actually got there and met with the groundskeepers personally because he heard they were having problems and shit.

Whatever. It's not even worth bringing up with the mainstream media. And then this person says, mention of Japanese internment, but none of German internment. Doesn't fit your narratives, I guess. Exactly. Tyler Clark, right on the money. Brett Chapman, I'm Native American.

What does this gibberish even mean? Your sins aren't ours. He may be you, but he's not us. Don't try to hit him with logic and reasoning brett native americans uh this is from our native americans slaughtered each other well before europeans arrived so it's only wrong if you have a different skin tone yes that's how it works with them exactly they only count the crimes committed by white people and like like white people invented uh slavery was a you know what they ended it they didn't invent it actually a ton of uh slavery still going on uh on the continent of africa so what do you

again mr baldwin tina r, open your fucking dirty fish holes and take a look. Anyways, misogyny dates back to the dawn of man, R says. Exactly. And another Tom W says, hell, if it wasn't for President Trump, Baldwin, you'd be out of a job. Be grateful you'd be employed until 2024. Yes, implying that Trump will win in 2020. Yuck. Abigail Abiel. This from a guy who goes into manic rages and calls his own daughter a little pig. Yeah, but even a broken clock is right.

Once a day. This from a guy who can't control himself and punches people because they took his parking place shut up alex you big fraud oh strong language uh abigail see how much they hate this country see how much they fucking hate it and you think they hate it people of alec baldwin's age that are liberal wait you see this generation of shitheads, the next three generations, that have already, I mean, college campuses are indoctrination camps for liberal ideology, we know that.

So we got a whole fucking couple generations of morons coming up. 833-599-6425. 833-599-6425. 833-599-6425. The phone number. But that is just hilarious, the notion that Trump is punishment to us because of slavery and past sins. Does it really bother you that much? Does it?

Does it really? Really? They did quite a number on you. Ryan, my friend. I got a super chat for you. Yeah. From Patrick Dorr. Nick, if we get tickets to Tarrytown, can we get two of Ryan's monthly Adderall pills?

In all seriousness, when you're in Saratoga, is it one night, two shows? What are the times my friends and I never miss a show? One show in Saratoga Springs this Saturday night. I don't know the times my friends and I never miss a show? One show in Saratoga Springs this Saturday night. I don't know the times. I would suggest you go to the club's website. I don't know if we don't have the time. Go to Comedy Works in Saratoga Springs' website, and the time will be up. That's funny because I was going to ask Tommy today myself and forgot to.

But just one show. Christmas is tough up there. That's a tourist town, and people are shopping and forgot to but just one show Christmas is tough up there that's a tourist town and people are shopping and doing everything but I'm actually relieved it's one because around holiday when you do do two shows my experience in the hundred years I've been doing this you know people start shopping at noontime have 11 drinks while they're shopping and show up for the 10 o'clock show and get pissed at you if they can't pick up on the subtleties of your act. Anyhow.

Yeah, New Year's Eve would be great. I stopped doing New Year's Eve gigs years ago in clubs because they literally, listen to this, this is how comedy club owners are fucked in the head, most of them.

They would hand out noisemakers, you know, before the show and the idiots would have two beers what do you think with their stupid hats and shit but those are comedy clubs terry tom people actually pay good money and uh have a little bit of class and the show should be terrific i say that come on ryan get the guy's name. I want to take this call before I go on to the next story. He looks like Judy from Time with a headset. Don't go breaking my heart.

I'm waiting. I don't want to show this video more black behavior. David in Ohio says, How far do you think Dems are going to go are they going to go after the first and Second Amendment rights do you think Trump will actually get his wall David welcome to the show how are you bunch of questions there I'll click on it hold on little off and follow what's up David I was just wondering with like with how things have been going the last little not even counting trump's two but the eight the nasty disgusting

eight years we had before yeah uh with how they keep you know talking about our first amendment rights and we the our hate speech and crap like that and you see it on youtube with them you know getting people just walking down the street carrying a gun basically, I guess, exercising second-minute rights. Do you think the left is going to try and tamper those downs or totally do away with them? And do you also think with the Democrats coming, are they actually going to,

besides trying to impeach him, do you think he'll even come close to getting his wall? Well, with some of that, that's a lot to digest. I'll unpack it. But some of that stuff, you know, you can't undo because they don't control the Senate and some of that shit. But yes, they're chipping away at the First Amendment. And Christ's sake, they're already...

Think about this, the First Amendment's still in place, but think about how many people that lean right in their politics have to keep their mouth shut at work or been fired um so it's already working as far as the second amendment i read today the dems are putting a plan together try to try to like uh outlaw private uh gun sales when when private citizen sells it to the other. So, yes, your answer. That's kind of what's kind of bothering me is, and they're not even hiding it.

And the thing that really scares me is I don't think we have maybe a couple Republicans in the Congress and Senate that are actually, you know, trying to stop it. That's what's really worrying me because it's not just all Democrats doing it. No. There's a nice little chunk of the Republicans that are spineless. They ain't got no balls, basically. Yeah. Yeah, the...

What would be the chances of you running for Congress? We need a voice like yours up in there. Yes, we do. I'd vote for you. Well, and nobody would shoot me on a ball field because I'd be armed. I'd be playing shortstop with a fucking AR-15. But no, I'm no interest. I like what I do for a living.

And so far, I mean, so far, I can still practice. Thank you for the call there, by the way. I can still practice my First Amendment rights. And this is one of the few jobs where you can actually do that. So why would I, you know. Political correctness has the word political in it as far, you know, politician. D.C., anytime I did stand-up,

except for that one theater I do in Alexandria, the Draft House, but anywhere around D.C., within about a 50-mile radius, you do any material that's a little off color. And I, at least my act, they would clam right the fuck.

It's brutal. It is fucking brutal. So, um, but no, I would never stop doing this. This is fun, but they'll get me eventually.

They got everybody else. Call me in fucking Owen Benjamin and, and, uh, a whole bunch of guys, you know, David Rubin, and hopefully they still think of me as more of a comic. Let's go to Bob in Columbus, Ohio.

Bobby, what's going on? Hey, Nick, how you doing? Pretty good. How you doing? I was doing great. I listened to your show. You were talking about being tired like a five-year-old on chemo. Yes. That was comedy, I guess.

Yeah, it was, actually. A lot of people find that funny. How would that be funny? What do you mean, how would that be funny? It's dark and funny. I can't describe it. How's a knock-knock joke? No, dark, not funny.

Well, not funny to you bob but but but i have a following of people that do find it funny and uh it's just a reference i followed you from howard stern to serious i like to this yeah and i'm one of your subscribers yeah and then you make that as comedy maybe you didn't have a child that you lost okay oh oh oh i see no no you make a good point bob i see so should... Everything else is funny that I've said in my career, right? Because I've said shit a lot. It's not everything. Some of it is.

Okay. You just said you were a subscriber. I didn't say you were hilarious. I said I followed you. I didn't say you said I was hilarious, you dumb fuck. I don't care. You know a five-year-old with chemo. Oh, now we're going to...

Right. We're going to that now? Okay, I get it. Yeah, I get it. I just said... It's okay, man. I understand that's the only time... Okay, I get it. Yeah, I get it. I just said. It's okay, man. I understand that's the only time you just start cutting people down. I'm not cutting you down, Bob.

You're the one who called up and picked a fight just because you know a five-year-old. Yeah, I didn't pick a fight. I just tried to explain to you that I didn't think it was funny. Okay, Bob. Do you think you're my only fan out there? Do you think everybody thinks like you? I'm probably one of the few anymore, Nick. It took me two seconds to get on your show. Really?

You're one of the few? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it took me two seconds to get on here. Yeah, because I clicked on you. There's a lot of people calling in. Yeah, there's a lot of people calling in. I don't give a fuck. No, they're not. I just called in a couple minutes. I'm on your show already, Nick. Come on, seriously. I didn't have to click on you,

Bob. I could see by your comments. You're a patron. You can't even get a show to work on this thing. I've texted you before. I've got to download the shows and listen to them because they won't even stay on. Oh, you're not smart enough to do the fucking show. I'm not smart enough.

Yeah, I'm a real idiot. So what? Hey, Bob. I don't think a kid with chemo is funny. I don't give a fuck. I think it's hilarious. And you know what? You're a pussy for letting words hurt yourself.

You're a big fucking pussy. No, no, I'm not a pussy. I'm a tough guy, okay? Yeah, me too. But you know what? I like you. I like your show. I enjoy your political stuff.

Yeah. But some of your comedies, I mean, when you talk about chemo for a five-year-old. Yes. Chemo for an 80-year-old might be about chemo for a five-year-old. Yes. Chemo for an 80-year-old might be hilarious, but not a five-year-old. No, it isn't. Why would that be funny if you knew an 80-year-old? Yes, it is, man. If you knew an 80-year-old, you'd be making the same.

You have, Bob, you have no reason. All right, man, you got me. All right. All right, fuck off, man. Aw, I hope that kid dies, by the me. All right. All right. Fuck off, man. Oh, I hope I hope that kid dies, by the way. See you. Now you can fucking cancel. Fucking pussy. There's what's wrong with the country. At least he was laughing about it. And I confronted him with logic. He's been a fan of mine. I've said all kinds of shit. I've said all kinds of I've done AIDS jokes I've done cancer jokes about

my no he didn't have a problem with that but because he knows a five-year-old chemo yeah some of its tasteless but that doesn't mean it can't be fun unfunny so that was the comment the one that hit home but the rest of the I've said which I've said way darker shit than that, didn't bother Bob. That's my only problem, Bob. You can't be selective. And what am I, perfect?

Sure, shit's going to come out of my mouth that you think is over the line. But you're really not a fan if that's what's going to have you cancel. Oh, God help us, America. God help us. I bet she doesn't even know a kid with cancer. That's what I was assuming.

He was making it up, so that's why I wished death on the kid because I didn't think the kid existed, but maybe he does. I'll send him a teddy bear with, like, three hairs on his head. Like the Linus float. Bobby and Red Hook. Bobby, what's going on, fella? Nick, that guy is such a pussy who just called. He doesn't even know what comedy is.

You know, he's crying about that. He's so sensitive. People make jokes all the time about handicapped shit or whatever i'm gonna chair man i don't get that doubt about shit you gotta it's it's comedy you gotta take all you know what such an asshole you know what sorry i had to do it i had to call him yeah no no i appreciate this but look the shit that comes out of my mouth obviously when you're talking off the top of your head i said it at a once, and a guy came up to me. I think it was in Livonia, Michigan, and said that's the only thing I didn't like.

Maybe it was Ohio. Maybe that was the guy or whatever. But it was one comment off the top of my head after talking to people and making them laugh for an hour straight. And they're going to hold that against you. Yeah. That's the cuntiness. Imagining it's a ballpark. Right. It's the pussification imagining that the book right it's the pacification continued pacification of america they're so tender they can't deal with everybody

so sensitive well it's the feminization of america i've been saying this forever the more feminized society became look at sensitivity is not in a guy's DNA, naturally. And I'm sure the hairy feminists are going to fly up the handle of that one. But, you know, to hold that against me, guys have been following me my whole career and shit. So, you know, I can't. We have to get a thank you for the call by the Bobby. Appreciate the support. We've got to get away from this notion. If a comedian makes a gay joke, somewhere a gay guy is going to get beat up.

Or if somebody makes a black joke, somewhere a black person is going to be hanged tonight. You know, you've got to get away from the mentality. That's where we're stuck, thanks to the, again, the fucking humorless left. And they've brainwashed half the country with their movies and TV shows and here we are. Ugh. I mean, what else have I said on stage? Some really, you know, fucking...

Like, if I, you know, if I said I wish Hillary dies in her sleep, that guy would laugh at that. But that's not fair because somewhere somebody knows a fat fucking housewife who sucked a smarter guy's dick than her and became the first lady.

Slash man. You are correct, sir. Hey, uh, under, uh, black behavior, and again, it's not always black behavior, just every time I click on a, uh, anytime I click on a anytime I

click on something that went viral and it happened in a fast-food place at Donut Shop or McDonald I sort of know beforehand let's take a look at the this There you go. Yeah. Asian people trying to make a living. While Obama voters fucking surround them. Why do they bleep shit on the internet? Like she was calling like the kid at there like name,

like racial names, like the N word and stuff. Oh, is that right? Pause it. Pause it. I didn't even want this part of it. This is good.

Oh, is that right? So let me get this straight young black guy with a fucking hoodie on. These people just came in and the Asian who probably relies on them because they were

in a black neighborhood just started calling the N word and shit. The fucking black kids did nothing to start this. Is that what you're telling me? Fucking go ahead. And then it escalated to that. He said he was going to get his sisters. He came back and he got his sisters and they just went from there. Yeah, that's where it started. And can I get the Asian, can I get the owner's part of the story? Did they, I'm just asking Jason rhetorically.

Is it on there? It's not on there, right? We're looking for it. My point being, you're not going to find it. This is the local story that they'll run on a loop. Right? You're not going to find it. Yeah, we didn't find it. Yeah, no, because they don't want to show the other side of the story.

Do you really, in your right fucking mind, think some black kids walked in and the people behind the counter that own this donut shop started calling them names? Do you really? Do you really? And you won't hear the other side. You won't hear the owner's side of won't hear the owner side of the story

because the mainstream media doesn't want you to hear that. It's all part of the narrative. Those are hardworking immigrants that the Democrats love so much working at the donut shop. I see them in New York City. These fucking people work 18-hour days at bodegas and shit. But let's go to the, let's go to the fucking young black kid in the hoodie who knows these people. Maybe he doesn't. That was racist on my part. Um, and let's get his point of view. I wonder sort of like the hands up

with Michael Brown and the whole fucking whose hands were never up when the cop shot him. and the whole fucking whose hands were never up when the cops shot him let's keep that lie alive folks let's keep it alive there's something wrong with the black man there's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. 833-599-NICK. And by the way, the fucking, the call screen thing's been full since the beginning of the show. I clicked on Mr. Ohio as a choice. I didn't have to. But every time, and don't fucking, just admit you're thinking what I'm thinking.

Every time you see a video, it just said, Donut Shop Brawl, and yes, there's a ton of white people acting badly too, but when it happens, you don't get that kind of objective journalism. Let's go to the 18-year-old black kid to find out what happened. Ah, my aching stem. Mickey in New Jersey.

Mickey, what's up? What's up? What's up, Mickey? How you doing, pal? I'm hanging in there. Hey, listen, Nick. I just wanted to first tell you that you are literally the funniest fucking guy I've ever heard in my life, man. Nobody makes me laugh like Mickey D.

That's for damn sure. Thanks, man. Dude, you are literally the funniest fucking guy I've ever heard in my life. Nobody makes me laugh like Mickey D. That's for damn sure. Thanks, man. Dude, you are refreshing, man, to have the balls that you have for all these years and not to worry about these fucking liberal faggots. Oh, my God. It makes me sick, man. Well, I need Mickey. And coming from Jersey, I've seen too many of them.

I need guys like you. I mean, we'll get a little feedback. Do you have your speakers on, Mick? Hold on one second. Yeah, kill that. Is that better? Yeah, that's much better. Yeah, I mean...

Sorry, yeah, I have these headphones. They're not great. I call them like I see them. I can't help it, man. I don't know how to do it any other way. And luckily for me, Trump got elected and shined the light on what scumbags the libs are in the media.

So, yeah, I think I'll be around for a little while more before they come to get me. Nick, I heard you on ONA years ago talking about this. It was with Patrice, God rest his soul. We were talking about how this is all coming, and I fucking never forgot it. And I said, son of a bitch, this guy knows what he's talking about. And that's when I became a huge, huge fan. And I was just speaking to the screener before. I saw a clip today, man, that I really want to get your take on, brother.

It's this fucking British comedian. She's like a feminist or activist, whatever the hell. Kim, she's got a weird last name, man. I gave it to the screener there. They're talking about how comics in Britain now, before they enter the certain club have to sign a waiver and there's no bullshit she was arguing with lionel about it how they have to sign a waiver saying that they can't talk about anything that's going to basically anything that can offend anybody no sexist jokes no racist joke nothing nothing and it's they're actually doing this and i i lost my fucking mind when i heard i said this

is ridiculous well yeah i mean you think it's a clip on YouTube. You think it's PC here. I mean, fucking Bill Hicks, who was no right winger. He was a real liberal comedian. I remember him mentioning how he used to play in London a lot. And he used to call that he even referred to us as a socialist nightmare. And this was like 25 years ago. A lot of this PC shit. That's Hicks saying that.

Yeah, that's Hicks saying it. A. Yeah, that's Hicks saying it. A liberal. And it's just... And you know what? If comedians sign that fucking thing, then they, you know, you can blame themselves. Fucking idiot.

Who... I mean, what kind of left-wing fascist horseshit? I mean, I would go get a job doing something else if that ever came to adhere, which I don't think it will. Well, what the fuck else? What else what else what else can you pull on that everything all the funny shit at the dark issue that the best that's the

best part of everything of course what what do you do a lot well i think it was not know you're right i mean that's the whole idea of a comedian it's it's to go after the truth and that's why i love leaning right now right now because the the left is full of shit even some of them admit it i get a ton of comedy fans uh that uh not fans i should say comedy friends who are left-leaning and even they sort of whisper to me going i can't believe where this is gone and i just bite my tongue but

i want to go hey it's the way you fucking thought and voted that brought this about so don't look at me i've been on the other side of the fight for 20 something years. So, uh, 1000% man. And I swear to God, I appreciate that, Nick.

I really do. I met you years ago at the cellar, man. It was a long time ago. And even then you were cool as shit. And I said, oh man, it's great to know that,

you know, somebody that you admire is not like, you know, you meet some people in real life. They're a dick. Like I remember one time I met Gary Carter, you know, long time,

met fan, of course, you know, suffering, but he was a fucking prick to me. And so ever since then, I was like, fuck him. Even when he died, I said, fuck it, suffering. And he was a fucking prick to me. So ever since then, I was like, fuck him. Even when he died, I said, fuck him and his cancer.

You can eat shit. You know what? It's funny you say that, Mick. And thanks for the call, by the way. I was doing a show and Gary Carter walked. It was in a casino somewhere. And it was the weirdest setup. I had the microphone.

And I don't know if you've ever seen an episode of King of Queens where Kevin James is doing a roast and he comes down off the dais and he's walking around like interviewing people at the Gary Carter came in he got some food he sat down maybe he had to go somewhere so this isn't really fair but he fucking I saw him walk out about eight minutes into my show

and I go that was Gary goddamn Connor I don't know but yeah I mean if you're a comic over in England if that takes traction then that's on you the artist if you're going to let fucking clubs

that should spawn an underground place and then what are they going to do send the cops after you I can't tell you how grateful I am for what I do for a living, especially in this time. This PC time. And to have a job

where, you know, I can still... But, you know, you get to a certain level. I guess I never got to that level. It's going to cost you movies and stuff like that. You know. Anyhow. Here's some more PC shit that will drive you fucking cuckoo.

Listen to this. de Blasio, the mayor of New York City, he's not just left-leaning. He's to the left of fucking... I don't know. Pick the furthest left person you can think of. I mean, he's just a fucking out-and-out communist. Made de Blasio's plans to racially re-engineer admissions

to the city's top high schools are now getting hit from all sides. One set of concerns surely took the mayor's minions by surprise as an audience of mainly black parents raised tough questions about a scheme that would supposedly help their kids. de Blasio and school chancellor Richard Carranza want to replace the now race-blind system for entry to Stuyvesant, Bronx Science, and other elite schools

with a scheme that would admit many more black and Hispanic kids. The parents saw two big problems there. First, the beneficiaries might be getting set up to fail, which is true. One of the biggest failures of affirmative action, a lot of black kids, you know, they adjusted the SAT scores, certain colleges to let more minorities in. And they got in and they were way over their heads. You can look this up.

This is just empirical evidence. They got into Stanford and all these other places and they were in way over their heads. And, you know, that's not fair to them. So, I mean, like I said, there's a ton of evidence of that. And the mayor wants these schools to admit the highest performance from terrible middle schools. Will they truly be prepared for the high school demands, as one parent put it? Some parents said an A in Brooklyn may not be the same as an A in Manhattan.

You say something like that on TV or radio, that would get you fired. That's, you know, that's implying race. it's not saying one race is smarter than the fucking other and but by doing something like this who do you think it hurts the most Asians Asians get killed you see Harvard's being sued right now I mean so many Asians had higher scores than some minorities and I don't know it was uncovered so they're fucking furious a second issue all black and Hispanic I mean, so many Asians had higher scores than some minorities. I don't know. It was uncovered. So they're fucking furious. A second issue, all black and Hispanic teens admitted under the new rules,

even those who would have gotten in under the race blind ones could face doubts, perhaps including their own, about whether they really belong. The parents rightly fear this will expose the kids to all manner of bias. This is what they call lowering the standards out of fairness. It's been going on in this country forever. And it's just fucking organized discrimination. Everything that de Blasio fucking hates. And like I said, it's's just so freaking unfair to everybody involved

i mean when you have a black audience asking questions like that going you're setting my kids up maybe how did de blasio caranza mean to improve middle schools in predominantly black and hispanic communities that was the question of the black parents pleased for broad-based reforms to lift academic performance at low-performing schools fell on deaf ears. They had no answers for that. Meanwhile, parents whose kids lose out under these plans are striking back. Part of that comes in a lawsuit to stop de Blasio's racist effort to remake the long-standing Discovery program, which provides an alternate entry into the elite schools.

program, which provides an alternate entry into the elite schools. Like I said, Discovery reserves some elite school seats for kids who fell just below the cutoff point on the race blind admissions. In other words, the way it is now on the race blind admission exams, but then pass the summer program to get them up to speed, which sounds fair. de Blasio means to expand the set aside to a full fifth of top school slots, but about two-thirds of Discovery kids are now Asian, so that move wouldn't have the racial results that the mayor wants. So he also, listen to this,

he's also restricting entry to the program to very high-poverty middle schools. He's going for the poorest fucking neighborhoods with the kids, you know, you know. You know, he's talking about predominantly black and brown neighborhoods. The Department of Education itself predicts this would cut Korean admissions to the top schools by 75%. How the fuck is that fair when you're unjustifiably so cutting out 75% of any demographic by legislating some place. How the fuck is that fair?

It's not. He likes a rigged game. Fucking mentally ill. He's got a black wife and a black kid. He's mentally fucking ill. Not everybody can go to college. Not everybody's as smart as everybody else. Jesus Christ I

wanted to be a running back for the Dallas Cowboys when I didn't turn out be playing the fucking skid marks comedy club in Buffalo next week my dreams to come the Department of yeah it predicts it 75% Karine's admissions to the top schools would be cut. Other Asian communities would also be hard hit. And when the Asians were asked about this program, they said, why is everyone

so fucking stupid? Why aren't more people interrogating like me? The non-profit Pacific Legal Foundation last week filed for a preliminary injunction to stop the changes. Thank God somebody's doing God's work. Since they clearly intentionally discriminate against Asians.

I mean, they're getting discriminated against at the best colleges. Now they're going to do it to the best high schools. These are like the best high schools. Geraldo went to one of these. I forget which one. I think it was the one with the science in the title. We want to be heard, said one parent at a briefing on the suit. And nobody could understand it.

They needed a translator. Riley in Missouri Riley what's up butter hey what's going on Nick not too much I wasn't gonna talk about You know, everybody taking themselves so seriously, that's when you need jokes the most to kind of point out your absurdity. But as far as this fucking discriminated against Asians, you know, if they made as much noise as white and black and Hispanic people, none of this shit would be going on. But their culture is so reserved and keep your fucking head down and just quietly succeed and don't rub anybody's face in it or make any fucking noise yeah you know this

is happening it's going to get me to fucking happen but you know what riley that's starting to change it's getting so bad that discrimination is so uh overt that uh uh you know they're not they're not keeping quiet anymore. They're like, hey, what the fuck? Because a lot of Asians have been very successful, and now they're in the system, you know? So they're like, hey, are people again? Yeah, no, good is right.

Look, Colin Quinn said on Tough Crowd, and he said this to me years and years ago, about Asians and Indians being the, you know, West Asians and Asians, and they are the future of this country. The ones that come here, like you said, put their head down, work their fucking ass off. I see it. I used to go to the comedy cell. I'd be walking through the village

or walk by a library. I'd look in and I'm not shitting you. I'd see two white people and 11 Asian kids. They believe in this country. That's why when they run a bodega and somebody comes into a donut shop and tries to steal something, that's why they risk their fucking lives. They came over here to benefit.

And, yeah, you're right, though. Up to this point, they've been quiet, but I don't think so anymore. It's the same thing that, you know, they came over here and did what the Irish and the Italians and the fucking island blacks in the Caribbean, what they all did. And the Mexican immigrants that came over in the 30s, growing up around here before NAFTA, there were third generation Mexicans living around here. They were Americanized, but their grandparents came over and started a fucking liquor store, started a gas station, whatever. And you just quiet work and build that dream. Every generation gets better.

But you don't trust the system enough to go and complain because you could lose fucking everything. Yeah. Oh, that's exactly right. No, it's kind of like a rigged game right now. But this de Blasio is... Yeah, they're all fucking assholes. Yeah.

They're all fucking assholes. Fuck them. All right, Riley. Good call, buddy. Talk to you. Yeah, I mean, we've lost. Hold on a second. I mentioned this on the show a couple times about disparate impact that was going on.

That's when they look at the demographics of a town, they being liberals like Obama, and they would see that it was too white. My town was mentioned. I live in Westchester. You'd think I knew what the racial breakdown was when I can't have no fucking idea. But they mentioned towns with zip codes where they do a census,

and if they think it's too white, they want to force low-income housing. Like, there's any rules barring anybody from moving into, you know, rich white towns anymore. But same with the school system in Minneapolis as far as disparate impact. They look at the end results. They saw more minority students were getting suspended in high school than white students. So they automatically wanted to change that. They didn't ask any questions why.

They just, they look at the end results, the numbers. It's called bean counting. And then they proceed with fucking horseshit legislation that never works out in the end. There's a suburb in Dallas where they did that. They built low income housing in a suburb of Dallas that was mostly white. And the crime rate went through the roof in two fucking

years. We talked about it years ago. And that's not casting aspersions on minority people. I worked at the Chris Rock show. I met more black people that were 12 times smarter than me. But you can't... It's so fucking childish.

You're going to bean count? You're going to look at a town and go, hey, this is mostly white. This is something. It must be racism. That might have been true in 1953. Fucking de Blasio. And you assholes in New York City who voted for him, you get what you deserve.

I guess on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, you agree with that type of shit? You're supposed to defend minority groups and Asians are minorities. But it's okay. Again, because of the black thing, because of past grievances and the history of oppression.

Ba-ba-ba-ba. We got to fucking move forward. That's all I'm saying. God damn it. Fucking de Blasio. Oh. I got some super chats. Super chats. Go ahead, fella. So

Peter Boothroyd says you are a handsome man. Pete, it doesn't matter to me if you're gay or straight. Matter of fact, if you're gay, I take it even as a bigger compliment because it's like a chick telling you that. I just wouldn't fuck you. Or if you're straight.

No makeup today. I look pretty old, but I'll take it. Chanel or Channel Julio says, Nick, will you set up an alternative Patreon for subscriptions? I don't like supporting douchebags with my money. You and the twinks are an exception. Will I set up an alternative what? An alternative to Patreon for subscriptions. Oh.

He says they're douchebags. Well, it takes a lot of work, Chanel, and the answer would be no to that. to that but um i i do have a backup plan because uh you know it's out there and this isn't a secret that they uh the you know owen owen benjamins and the uh dave rubens and a few other have been chased off this and uh i guess it's a real lefty leaning thing and um you know so i'm not saying it's not gonna happen but so far i've been treated okay um maybe they think i'm harmless but uh to answer your question i don't i don't know but there's always a backup plan i you know i don't want to be on the road doing comedy fucking 59 weeks a year that's seven more than fucking 59 weeks a year.

That's seven more than his actual end of year. Jason's like, what the fuck? It's a joke, Jason. Go ahead, Ryan. So Bob called back and left a message. Bobby. He said he still loves you. I can't believe we talked about him on the show.

Would love to see if you came to Ohio. And then to that guy, Bobby, who shit-talked him right after he called, he says, I'll show you what pussification is. Tell called, he says, I'll show you what pussification is. Tell me where you live. I'll show you what pussification is. I'll fuck your mom. We're spreading the love here at the Nick DiPaolo Show. We're just handing it out and go. And you know what, Bob from Ohio, I like you too, dude.

But you can't, seriously, you can't say I've been following you, a fan, your whole career, and then one line out of my mouth, you're going to go, I'm not following you anymore. That's the mentality of a fucking middle-aged housewife or a young gay fella. I mean, that really is childish. I've said trillions of words in 30 years and you're going to pick a phrase and a, but I love when people go, how is is that like that tweet I get fired for Even one of my fit. How is that funny? Because it came out of a comedian's mouth and it was a joke. I didn't say it at a fucking banquet

We're all I used to have a joke about oh god. Let me remember it Bob's not gonna like this one. Oh What the fuck was it? Something about a fucking kid, a 12-year-old kid sneezing and his wig flying off. God damn it. I'm going to have to ask Priscilla about that one. But some of the, yeah, some of the shit's going to go over what... There is no line in my opinion, but... But if I could only joke about, you know...

Everybody's got a... If I make fun of... If I do a Hep C joke, somebody's got Hep C. If I do a fucking black joke, somebody's black. I mean, let's fucking grow up here. Let's grow up. I used to fuck many pigs. And if I start fucking the pigs, the pigs would be insulted.

I include everybody, big fat whores. Yes? I got one more. All right. So, Bunny Galore, before I read that about Bob, said, Hey, Bob, Nick was making fun of a balloon, you titless wonder. My son died, and I laughed. The people who designed the balloon were the joke, not kids.

Well, I wasn't talking about the bunnies confusing it with a. I said the other day I was more tired than a five year old with chemo or some fucking shit, which I. This is the mind of a comic. Let me try to explain this. I went, what is the fucking most tired somebody? And you go for what the most. And I'm thinking a little sick. How, you know.

Could you come up with a better reference? Yeah, how about an adult going through chemo? He's not as tired as the five-year-old. If you want to get into logic. This might be one of my favorite shows we've done, by the way. It's a nice blend of fucking hatred, people beating on each other. It's the holidays. Let's spread the blood.

I mean, the love. Dicky dough. More political correctness run amok. Prada, where I get all my bags and shoes, apologizes for Prada Malia toys that evoke racist blackface imagery. Prada was forced to pull a new range of accessories and displays from its stores Friday

following complaints that they featured blackface imagery. I mean, it's an Italian fashion house, so, you know, the Gindalones are a little, you know, I mean, they figure, look, the Moors fucking raped

Sicily. If you want the history on that, watch the movie True Romance. You'll get the whole story. But Prada recently launched a series of $550 keychains and other... Do we have the picture of the other trinkets

in the shape of creatures that dubbed uh pratamalia whatever including a character with brown skin and oversized red lips but but do you really think that they were mocking black people a black face with that seriously in 2018 and if they wait a minute the one on the right is that an actual no that's all right now now jace let me give you a little rule of comedy here. You're confusing the point I'm about to make because the thing on the right. No, put it back up. You got to clear shit with me.

What did I tell you? Huh? Jason, talk to me. You said use all the pictures. That's what I'm asking you. That was included in the story. The one I sent you. Yep. I didn't see that photo gallery. no not all the pictures i meant the ones of okay well we i didn't see that one on the right

but even that's kind of funny yeah that that we construed as racers but no but don't this this nice people can i just can i just you down south, you can go into a white person's home, right? I know this because my wife's relatives are from the south. You can go into a white person's home down south. They could be having lunch with black people, okay? And that picture would be on the wall and nobody would be bothered by it because that's, that is the legacy of the heritage. It's been turned into, oh no, a black guy eating watermelon by bigots and ignorant racists. But that wasn't the origin of it. Now, as far as the shit on the left, I don't know what the fuck.

See, I thought those were pocket pussies from Romco. Those look like blowjob dolls. I've been hearing about all these robots. I wouldn't fuck the thing in the middle that's just an asshole with the ears look like the backup singers for the Supremes the thing that you put up I didn't see that in my pictures I really didn't

again American blacks are going to have a beef with that yeah now what's i mean again that's not american blacks are going to turn to have a beef with that i'm telling you somewhere and if they didn't let me put it this way prada didn't do shit like then they'd be going you're excluding us but you know prada should do they should put out a bunch of little asian things that look like bright bright yellow little tiny eyes some italian ones big fucking greasy noses we've got to spread the love over here anyhow uh it scrapped the products friday after outrage spread online when a horrified new yorker

spotted the character at the prada soho store and blasted the brand for using Sambo-like imagery in a viral... People just want to jump on it. People are so quick to... What the fuck? I wouldn't even know that's black. I would think that was a bug. That's a fucking mosquito. Good, right?

It looks like a fucking monkey. But it's not... Well, yeah, or a... It's not meant to be black fake. It's not a person fucking monkey but it's not well yeah or it's not meant to be black person no it's not and it wasn't meant to be you know i mean are we going to do everything all imagery that might even look a little like it's going to be attributed to that's in the fucking victim's head racism is in the eye of the beholder listen to this this is the woman or whatever who turned. Today after returning to New York City after a very emotional visit to the Smithsonian National Museum of African American History and Culture.

What if she just traveled around looking for racism, including an exhibit on blackface? I walked past Prada's Soho storefront only to be confronted with the very same racist and denigrating hashtag blackface imagery. Lawyer, yuck. Chinieri, as he wrote. When I asked Prada employee whether they knew they had plastered blackface imagery throughout the store, in a moment of surprise and candor, I was told that a black employee had previously complained about blackface at Prada, but he didn't work there anymore. Workers at the Soho store Friday morning were spotted lowering the blinds like they were doing abortions back there and then removing the offending items from a window display.

Prada then released a statement saying it was nixing the characters in question. What's the shit on the right? what's the shit on the right okay i think that was an instagram post from that writer or whoever mentioned the stuff and she was comparing the two oh she's comparing the two said but we put it up with sort of confute muddying the issue here i mean on on the right that looks fucking racist on, from here, they look like puppy dogs. Remember those wax lips you could buy? Did you have those as a kid?

Yeah, they tasted like shit. No, they tasted like, well, after you put them in your ass, anything's going to taste like it. But they tasted like candles. I liked them. I never found the candy ones. I only got wax ones. No, they were wax. They weren't candy.

But I was so hungry. I was poor as a kid. I grew up in South Africa. But I used found the candy ones. I only got wax ones. No, they were wax. They weren't candy, but I was so hungry. I was poor as a kid. I grew up in South Africa. But I used to chew the wax. I used to buy the blue ones and tell people I was freezing. And then I bought some pink ones and I said, look at this. It doesn't look like anything.

And I get hit with a fucking iron. I'm so tired of doing blackface stories. And it's just, it's just some, again, most black people hardworking. And buh, buh, buh. But there's a few that just keep poking the bear. They just, because of shit that went down, they just won't. Finally tonight in the country of losing our minds. Maybe not

finally. I got a couple more. Oh, boy. Headline. Is gender neutral Santa coming to town? Oh, God, can we fucking. He's a fag. However, a new survey from Graphic Springs, a logo creation company,

has sparked a new debate over whether Santa should be a man, woman or gender neutral. Oh, my aching stem. I can't take it anymore. The company got the input of 400 people from america and the united kingdom about ways to modernize saint nicholas let's change everything let's change all traditions that are predominantly white or christian let's change the motherfuckers the company got the input of 400 people from america and the united kingdom about ways to modernize saint nicholas in october nove. Then they used the top suggestions to survey 4,000 people on how they would envision a

2018 version of the legendary character. Oh, God. You know what I want for Christmas this year? What? A big fat cock. Oh. In my ass. Oh, fella crying out loud.

Mika Brzezinski. The results show that roughly 19% of US people believe Santa should be identified as neither male or female you know why they answered like that it all depends on how the question was asked it what if they go to you don't you think Santa should be at least female or gender new what are you gonna Strictly cock in this day and age. It all depends on how they ask the question. You understand?

More than 10% said Santa should identify as a woman, which means 70% of people still believe Father Christmas should be a male. And those 70% probably had to, you know, leave their job for saying so. Listen to this, though. This cracked me up. Some people think modern Santa should be rocking some skinny jeans,

sunglasses, trainers, and instead of riding in a sled powered by beloved Rudolph and his peers, he might be cruising from town to town in a flying car. Who are we talking about? Fucking Musk. Fucking flying car. Who are we talking about? Fucking Musk. Fucking flying car. And tiny tight jeans.

You're talking like hipsters in Brooklyn. Fucking quiz! Oh no. I have tight jeans. 20% of people responded they said he should have tattoos. 18% said his iconic red and white suit should be replaced with skinny jeans.

What's with that skinny jeans? The guy's a fat fuck. You know what kind of chafing and chapping you get when you get skinny jeans and you're flying from house to house at 11 degrees? Ask Ryan. We got a picture. Go ahead. Ask Ryan.

We got a picture. Go ahead. I don't remember. I know they used to do commercials with a hipster Santa commercial. Holy shit. I got to be honest with you. I kind of like that. Not a bad look, but I don't want Santa fucking with AIDS or Hep C. Apparently, he scared everybody out of the parking garage with that suit.

He's waiting to jump on some fucking lady coming out of Marshalls. Who is that? Now we're confusing Jesus with a... 22% said the sleigh needs to be exchanged for... 21% of respondents said he needs to go on a diet. Oh, my God. Help me. But listen, the debate doesn't stop there, naturally, in this homo-crazed world we live in.

As well as the debate over Santa's gender, there has also been talk about the sex of his faithful reindeers. Wildlife experts at Texas A&M University weighed in on the conversation. Santa's reindeers were really females. Can you imagine spending time? Most likely, said Alice Blum-McClendon, a veterinary and medicine professor specializing in deer, who cites the depictions of Santa's helpers with antlers as the primary evidence. Reindeer grow antlers regardless of gender, and most bulls typically shed their fuzzy protrusions

before Christmas. However, Greg Finstad, who manages the Reindeer Research Program at the University of Alaska Fairbanks, said Santa's sleigh helpers might also be castrated males, also known as stairs. Stairs, I'm trying to say.

Of course they are. Every male and the planet today is castrated so if you cut my balls off my antlers are going to fall off i mean what the i say to take the guesswork out you make them all just big male days with giant cocks as they fly over your roof and everybody will know male deers with giant cocks as they fly over your roof and everybody will know. The show's digressing. Santa Claus is based on St. Nicholas, who was a Christian bishop born in Patara,

a land that is part of present-day Turkey. Oh, my God, he's a fucky from that part of the country? I'm converting. I'm celebrating Hanukkah. I know it's over, but... Fucking Santa's from Turkey. I forgot about that. That kind of makes me nervous. He's going to fly that sleigh into a skyscraper someday.

Loaded. Those aren't packages. Those are fucking... St. Nicholas provided for the poor and sick, unlike Nicholas de Palo, who provides for himself. What? I think that's enough of today. Tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen,

we're going to talk about a few guys in southwest Missouri. They were poaching deer. In other words, they were shooting deer illegally. And you won't believe the punishment the judge gave. Other than jail time, one guy had to watch a movie over and over again. And I'll give you a hint. It wasn't practical magic with Sandra Bullock.

But it's so PC and fits right in with what we love to talk about. And I got an update of the story we did a while ago. USC students demand professors firing. You know why? He defended due process. Jesus Christ, will somebody fucking start shutting down these fucking liberal mills, please? Ryan, I know you got a boog in your hand. Don't be flicking it. This is still my house. I know you work in that booth. Oh, he's rubbing it on his forehead now.

Fucking one sick twink. Anyways anyways that is it for Monday ladies and gentlemen who we got tonight Monday Night Football who cares is the answer anybody know I'm asking a guy who played Dungeons and Dragons till he was fucking 21

I've been playing since I was 14 okay what's on the fucking baking channel tonight all right that's it thanks twanks good job remember you guys thank it I will say it we will see you tomorrow you patreon members

and the rest of you should jump on that you know what I'm saying all right talk to you later. I'm out.