The Nick DiPaolo Show - BOB Crime Ruins KC Parade | Nick Di Paolo Show #1526

Episode Date: February 15, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the KC shooting, a FL shooting and more! Support the show and get 50% off of Factor at https://www.factormeals.com/NICKDIP50 and use code NICKDIP50 Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Balls on this prick. I guess you've seen him, huh? Ooh. Ooh. Sweetness. Hi, folks. Welcome to the show. Final day of the week for us guys uh on a thursday and uh yeah yeah yeah i don't know what to tell you what uh the headlines but even this morning

just now and it's going over the headlines i could have given us three stories as far as violence goes it some people go oh that's been going on since the beginning of time. Not at this. Not to this degree. Not to this degree. I know it gets reported way more. I believe in all that. But I just don't remember, you know, an old guy backing into a girl's car and getting out to apologize,

and the black twat shoots him in the face. I just don't remember. And if that did happen years ago, it would have been all over the fucking papers. Where now it barely makes the papers. It's fucking insane. And again, you know, MKUltra has been known to turn up the bad news. It feels like they have it on 12 right now. Anyways, that's just my theory.

And my hemorrhoids are back. You know, after having surgery and going through that, I might as well have had open-heart surgery. It would have been less painful. And why am I telling you? Well, they're hanging down like Napa Valley grapes. Delicious. Delicious.

Thank you. Somebody porks me in the ass, you'll get a nice white Chardonnay. Oh, not red? Oh, maybe. All right, how to gross people out. Six seconds into the show, Nick. Anyways.

That's fucking beautiful. Oh, it ain't? What the fuck is that guy's problem? Anyhow, yeah, just depressing. So I'm just sort of, look, no coffee today. I'm trying to, I get blood work. I'm having a physical next week. Down here, for some reason, you do lab work the week before.

That's not how it was done up where, but whatever. And I'm sure I'll, I always get nervous because I always, you know me, I get in confrontations with surly black girls. Last time I was in this office, it was during the pandemic and I wouldn't put the mask on. I think I told you guys, and I threw a fucking hissy fit and I'm storming down the sidewalk outside and all the people in the waiting room are looking out the glass. One guy gave me the thumbs up. guy uh oh my god now i'm gonna go back and face these people um and i had another these people well i'd say um i'm trying to be nice doctors Doctors. Doctors without minds. Not borders. Black people. By the way, honestly now I'm not being PC, it's not, when it came to that shit it wasn't just black people.

I get into it with a white doctor too, by the way. Sorry folks, been like this my whole life. My wife gets upset and I go, do you know who you married when was it i'd like this am i supposed to mellow with my old age now put on your mask let's get to it enough oop i might want to turn this on um yeah so more more depressing news right after right off the bat so we might as well get right to it headline first story chiefs so we might as well get right to it. Headline, first story, Chiefs. Mahomes from the shotgun.

Oh goodness gracious. Helloise, you won't hear that on Hannity. Holy shit, Tomahawks gunfire? Anyways, yeah, got a little ugly. One person was killed, and I'll update it because I read some more today, Anyways, yeah, got a little ugly. One person was killed, and I'll update it because I read some more today. One was killed, a woman, I believe. Yeah, mother of two, sweetheart, Kansas City fan. Just think about that.

Let that settle in. And 22 others injured after a shooting near the Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl parade. Near? How about? Yeah. Parade route following? How about... Yeah. Parade route following the festivities on Wednesday. Panicked crowds raced around like Mahomes looking for somebody to open downfield

for cover as gunfire erupted west of Union Station. Been there. At the end of the victory parade, attended by thousands of goddamn fans, the Kansas City Police Department said that one person died, the aforementioned woman, and a total of 22, I think it's up to 30 now, were injured by gunfire. Now, when I was reading this, as of yesterday, it was nine children had shotgun wounds.

I'll give you my theory on that. Children's Mercy Hospital of Kansas City told KSHB that the hospital is treating nine kids. Several suspected shooters were taken into custody by police. Of course, we had to look hard to find. Yesterday afternoon, they showed an older black guy. I didn't see this kid anywhere on TV. But last night, I guess late, of course, they put his picture out, because you wouldn't want to make that national. You want me to believe that they had the other guy, because in the paper it said they had three suspects,

but they only showed this older guy. Everything they touch turns to shit. Who's they? I'll let you figure it out. Taken into custody by police. And yes, I know black people are disgusted by this too, but I'm not going to say that anymore. I'd rather sound racist at this point than you can shit on me and throw me out of a bar because I'm an old white guy. Video posted on social media shows police officers

and military personnel sprinting into the train station shortly after the shots of fire. When I saw this, they said, were they hiding? Oh, good. Here they are running into the train station. The FBI is here. These guys are going. Now, Duncan Donis is behind here, right? No. Imagine they had to run towards the gunfire. That's why you should love cops and soldiers.

Okay. In a second, you'll see, yeah, this guy, what the fuck? What's he, 38? Looks a little old for gunfire. We don't know. That was an alleged guy that they had. Please join me in prayer for all the victims in this heinous act. Chiefs linebacker Drew Tranquil, ironically, wrote in a post that was retweeted by quarterback Super Bowl MVP Patrick Mahomes, who they think is better than Brady.

Anyways, fans risked their lives and tackled one of the alleged shooters. You have to look. I'll explain to you before we show it. I mean, it zooms in, but it's hard. It's a crowd of people. You'll see one guy like in a white hoodie or a light-colored hoodie trying to fight through the crowd real fast. And then you see a guy trip him up from behind. And then another guy brings him down.

And the original guy comes up and jumps on him. And it's hard to see, but we'll show it anyways. See the guy in the middle with the white? Gets tackled by a guy in white. Another guy jumps on him. And the original guy body slams him. And a third guy lays on top. Where was Andy Reid?

He could have crushed him. That's great color commentary. It's pretty good, wouldn't it? It's not like how it goes. There, right there. The little colored kid ran through the crowd. He'd say something even more racist, if you guys remember, by accident.

Anyways, you got to hand it to and you know what weapon what the weapon was down so i'm thinking handgun right whatever ak-47 somebody said what the what anyhow they i was reading this guy was being interviewed today i mean he is a hero the guy still had the gun and he's chasing him down. Of course, he owns a paving company or whatever, a blacktop company.

He's got that, you know, white guy with the beard, mirror glasses. Who doesn't? And he's talking about how another guy helped him out and he goes,

when I was down on the ground, his wife grabbed the gun. Grabbed the fucking gun. The wife. His wife grabbed the fucking gun. I wonder if they're on Good Morning America today or NBC or... And the latest from New York Post is

Kansas City Chiefs parade shooting live updates. Attack appears to be personal dispute that ended in gunfire. Yeah, yeah, sure it did. Well, sure it did. I don't buy that anymore. Thank you for... Because I wanted to give my take on it. You know, all these times you hear,

oh, these innocent people were caught in a crossfire. I don't believe it. Young kids with guns, young black city kids like to fucking shoot. It's not, I'm not saying all of them, you know, when somebody's caught in a crossfire, some of that is legit. But when 30-something people are hit,

again, AK-47, maybe, but I'm just saying, they know before they start shooting at each other that some mostly white people are going to get caught. Oh, Nick, you're crazy. Fuck off. Wake up and smell the coffee. They don't give a shit.

Probably heroes now. But yeah, great, great fucking, you know. Ay-yi-yi. I'm sorry, folks. I'm a little cranky. Well, because of this. I'm going to take a wicked shit. Those aren't on the board.

If you're wondering why, those are low on my end. Don't worry about it. Anyhow, hey, in the second half of the show, I'll be telling you about one of the grossest things that I've ever heard happen on an airplane. It might even top the woman having diarrhea all the way down the aisle like a sick Cocker Spaniel. Remember?

And shocking, I'll tell you a shocking story about a 90-year-old woman who was volunteering for the last 60 years was fired, and you're not going to believe why. You fucking won't. Stay tuned for that. It's exclusively on Mug Club. Where do you sign up for that?

At nickdip.com. So do that, and you'll be happy you did. And I'm not just saying that. Mug Club is a basically crowdest network, and he's got a ton. I mean, when Alex Jones joins up, I mean, that guy's a media magnet. And, you know what I mean? Sometimes he'll fly his fucking helicopter to crowd his place.

He did it once. Anyways, you've got to love guys like that, whether you hate them or not. I don't give a fuck. He's right, by the way. He's like Trump. He's right about 95% of the shit. He says, in my opinion. Hey, you know what?

Let's move on. Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicka shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. It's time to work smarter, people, not harder. Don't spend hours shopping, chopping veggies, cooking, and doing dishes. Factor has a delicious ready-to-eat meals that are chef-crafted, dietitian-approved,

and sent straight to your door. With over 35 meal options to choose from each week, you'll never get bored. With midday snacks, you got smoothies and wellness shots. You'll be on your A-game all day long. I have the stuff. I have it in my fridge. You know, I like to cook, so I know good food. I've had the sun-dried chicken tomato and the tetrazzini was excellent. And yesterday I had the breakfast with a bacon cheddar egg scramble, which was good. And it's healthy, and it is quick. And you guys are way busier than I am.

Factor is way less expensive than takeout. It takes so much less time than waiting at a drive-thru. All you do is heat the meal up for two minutes, and you're all set. No prepping, no cooking, no cleanup. All right? no cleanup. All right. Head to factomeals.com slash nickdip50 and use code nickdip50 to get 50% off. I'm no mathematician, but that's half. That's code nickdip50 at factomeals.com slash nickdip50 to get 50% off. We thank Factor for sponsoring the show today. Good stuff is some good stuff, Johnny Carlson used to say. Yeah, look at me. I'm fit. Fit as a fiddle. Somebody explain that

expression to me. Could you? Was that when the world was retarded? Have you a lot of fiddles in good shape? The only thing I know about a fiddle is Charlie Daniels. He didn't look ripped. Hell of a fiddle player. Speaking of Charlie Daniels, let's head south on the next segment. No, no, no, no! I tell you, this show is smooth as goddamn Woodward Reserve. Hey, in our FLA segment tonight,

a falling acorn, this was tragic yet, not tragic, but made me laugh yet, kind of scary, all in one thing. A falling acorn, that's the key word, prompted a Florida sheriff's deputy, which reminds me because I backed into a Florida sheriff's deputy's car, to empty his pistol. I'll say that again, a falling acorn.

Made this guy empty his pistol into his own patrol car. What is that? Where a handcuffed suspect was sitting in the car at the time. Another deputy also fired at the car. Amazingly, neither suspect nor anyone else was injured. They got nothing right. The bizarre incident, which happened on November 12th in Fort Walton Beach, naturally Florida, they always have a different kind of news. You know, we've had some itchy fingered cops with a trigger finger, you know, but again, they put a twist on it with an acorn. You gotta love Florida. Hernandez, who had been a deputy since January of 2022,

and his partner, Sergeant Beth Roberts, were responding to two service calls. The second one was from a woman who said her 22-year-old boyfriend, Marquise Jackson, Jesus Christ, I just can't help it. And think about all the stories I do and black people involved in crime. And this in a country that tries to keep that type of news out of the news. And yet there's so much of it, they can't even, it's spilling over. Anyways, who said her 22-year-old boyfriend Marquise Jackson had stolen her car

and had been calling and texting her threats. She showed the cops one text that contained a pic of what looked like a gun silencer in her boyfriend's possession in her car. He was eventually cuffed and put in the back of a patrol car. And then all hell broke loose when the cops showed up. And luckily they have those body cams. And this is the guy, the cop,

and what happened because of an ACOR. and this is the guy, the cop, and what happened because of an acorn. Charts fired! Charts fired! Charts fired! Oh my gosh. Charts fired!

I'm hit! I'm hit! I'm hit! Those acorns can sting. What? I'm hit! I'm hit in the car! I'm shot in the car! Oh!

You can hear the partner calling it in. Shots fired. Copped out. Those acorns, if they fall high enough, it can really leave a wealth. I'm good. I'm good. Caterpillar. Caterpillar. Spider. Spider.

Pine cone. I don't know. spider pinecone I don't know alright then he says I think it hit my vest that's an aggressive acorn what the fuck are you saying he knows nothing about these matters to my knowledge nothing i'm gonna find out what the hell happened here all right this committee is now adjourned oh my god

and andes was not hit because no shots were fired oh my god and look i know it's easy to sit here and and you know but come on i have, you know, because it's a tense situation. If somebody threw something at a rock or something, I sort of understand, but how loud is it? An acorn hitting a car. This guy must have had 12, 14 cups of coffee. A couple monster drinks, two lines of Coke. On top of roids. On top of roids. He's convinced, Dallas is convinced this is a roid rage thing. Probably is. It's's Florida fucking nuns are on roid rage down there well uh anyways shots of fire no shots of fire until he began shooting at the patrol car where Jackson was sitting after witnessing deputy Hernandez response and reaction and fearing for his life the the sheriff's office says Roberts, Beth Roberts, his partner, responded with gunshots towards the car.

She thought she saw a pine cone. As well, in response to the perceived threat, we have a picture of the happy, what do you call it, the trigger-fingered... There he is! There he is! I say this calls for action and now. That's Deputy Hernandez. Oh, fucking idiot.

Immediately we began working diligently to determine the complete sequence of events and facts surrounding what transpired. Sheriff Eric Aiden said. Deputy Hernandez resigned. At least he's got more heart than Mayorkas. During the course of our investigation, poor guy must have been so embarrassed, but was ultimately found to have violated policy because his use of deadly force was not objectively reasonable. Yeah, you think? Exactly. Thank you, Captain Obvious. Jesus H. Eloise. And again, I don't want to sit here and play Monday morning quarterback,

but talk about an overreact. How about the poor? I'm saying that I'm defending the black kid, the bad boyfriend. Yeah, he said he laid down. So funny. Lucky street smarts. I'm sure it's not the first time he's in the back of a cop car. He laid down.

He was getting covered with broken glass, he said. He just pretended he was dead. That'll teach you. Trigger happy. I'm sorry. Again, where? Out of Florida. Don't ever forget it. Hey, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of my show here. Everyone else, go to nickdip.com and join so you can get not only my full show, the great Stephen Crowder's, like I said, Alex Jones on Fridays, the Hodge twins, very funny Brian Callen, and that undercover team that does the same thing, Project Veritas. Just that alone, it's worth the money. Incredible. They broke some huge stories. And while you're at my site, nickdip.com, you'll see the date for May 11th,

Count Basie Theater, Red Bank, New Jersey. It's a big venue for me, okay? Back in the 90s, it would have been, you know, I did a couple this big, but I was on Comedy Central every three minutes. Anyhow, but Steven Crowder gets huge numbers, and we've already got 500 tickets sold, and we're months away here. So, Jersey, you've always, again, you've always been great to me.

It's Mother's Day. Bring her out. We can both make fun of her. Yeah? I think so. And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else, no no I'm not like everybody else

I'm not like everybody else, well I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get in trouble like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else