The Nick DiPaolo Show - Bombs Away!

Episode Date: October 24, 2018

The Dems Cynical Ploy. Honduras Heading Here. Megyn Kelly Red Faced About Black Face.

Yes, mom. Yes, yes. Yes. Baked apples. Jesus. I gotta go. Welcome to the show, kiddies. It's a Wednesday. Yes, it's Wednesday. Streaming live. We'll do it live. Goddamn right. We'll do it live. Fuck it. Do it live. Goddamn right. We'll do it live! Fuck it! Do it live! We are, relax.

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Think this is paying for anything? Please. Look at the fucking paint alone cost me 11, 12 bucks. Saturday, October 27th, I'll be right up here at Lucy's in Pleasantville, New York. That's this Saturday. Saturday and Sunday, November 2nd and 3rd, one of my favorite haunts, Governor's Levittown, Long Island. Tuesday, November 6th, the fat black pussycat in New York. That's this Saturday. Saturday and Sunday, November 2nd and 3rd, one of my favorite haunts, Governor's Levittown, Long Island. Tuesday, November 6th, the Fat Black Pussycat, New York City. Friday, November 9th and 10th, Comics, Mohegan Sun in Uncasville, Connecticut. Saturday, November

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including Clinton's house in Chappaqua and Soros' house and Maxine Waters' fucking tent. Also, if you are an Amazon Prime member, there's a link there for you to watch my last three stand-up specials. And I suggest you do that. You get to watch them for free, okay? You'll absolutely smoke a joint, do some mushrooms, and you will laugh your titties off. Will you not? Oh, sure you will. Hey, what's going on?

Anybody else? Anybody else? I feel a little left out. Am I the only one that didn't get a bomb in the mail today? I mean, what the fuck is going on? What the hell's going on out here? Nothing. I did get a

letter, though, from the DNC. Nick DiPaolo. See what we got in here. Oh. What the fuck? Better not be fucking rice and twinks You're supposed to taste this stuff That's some fucking great shit okay Tell what I said

Go on I got a fucking war Okay I got a fucking war? Okay, we'll go to fucking war. I tell you. I tell you, no fucking kiss, you fucking little monkey. Trying to keep my acting chops up. Oh, goodness gracious. That's like when I fucking

put on my shirt after deodorant. Just ignore that, folks. It was a funny bit. I ruined a $7 shirt from fucking Target. Twinks, how are you? You look good today. Both of you. Thank you.

Thank you. We're doing well, I think. Are you? I heard some of that song you're working on. You might want to trash that now. Jesus Christ. That one's dedicated to Jay. Yeah.

Well, I'm going to have to go to Jay's house and play it. No offense. Anyways, it's getting crazy out there, isn't it? I'll get to all the fake bomb shit in a few minutes. And if you guys,

I'll get to it in a few minutes. Let's, had a doctor's appointment today. I'm 56 and still doing P90X, high impact plyometrics, very exercises that went out of fashion with Jack Lang,

a lot of jumping and shit. And my knees started to rub to the bone on bone, it feels like. I have like sawdust on my socks when I'm done working out. And that's, you know, I did P90X down here in this office for six years and I realized this is cement floor under the carpeting. And I mean, you know, you can't do that. Even if you're 20. So, and I have both elbows.

I have tendonitis. Can't even give it a tug anymore. Have to hire Ryan. And so I went to doctors and had my knees x-rayed and my fucking right elbow. Got a cortisone shot my elbow. Might have to have Tommy Johnny said.

So, oh boy. I'll tell you. What's more depressing? I'm sitting in the office and sitting in the waiting room and it's, oh, I see this old person. I really, seriously, I hope I drop dead doing P90X in my 70s. I don't want to. I saw a woman shaped like the letter C.

You know, I use that. Louis actually put it in a show. She was bent. She was almost a fucking O. And I wanted to cry for her. And then there's another woman in a wheelchair. She's just as bent over and she's mumbling all kinds of shit. I'm looking around and I wasn't the youngest,

but close to it. And just, I don't want to. They interviewed some lady, she's 108, and she said longevity is a curse. And I got to agree with that, you know? Fucking live while you can. Burn out. Whatever fucking Neil Young said.

Rust never sleeps, so linoleum never rots i forget black never cracks i can't remember what the quote was uh something about burnout you guys you know right you're a musician jason something like better to burn out in the fade away yeah to fade away something like that but uh god christ was that depressing but i went right into the doctor i go look i can't even spank it anymore he He starts laughing. You got to let him know you're a comic. And then I said, you're not recording because they record the audio now when you meet with a doctor, at least at where I go, they ask you, nobody asked me. So this probably it'll be on my next album. And I said, I need a cortisone shot. They had the x-rays for me and my knees. I have the beginning of arthritis. And I said, well, yeah, I've been jumping around.

I'm doing workouts that guys half my age can't do on a cement floor. He starts fucking laughing and crying at the same time. And I said, give me a fucking cortisone shot so I can rub one out in peace. You're not supposed to be fucking snorting a leave after you jerk off. There's something very wrong about that. So I said, look, a guy gave me a cortisone shot six years ago. So he, he gave me that. Show me the x-rays, my knees, because that's just, uh, you know, it's the beginning of arthritis and whatever. And then he says, he writes me out a script for, uh, therapy. And, uh, yeah, you go to therapy,

uh, six weeks, a couple of times a week. And I'm just nodding, going, in my head, I'm going, no, no fucking way. I'm busy. I got a podcast. I do stand-up ones every three years. What the fuck? I'm going to go to therapy. So somebody can go, look, you go like this up the wall

with your fingers. Why would I do that? Why would I get in my car and drive a half hour or even 10 minutes? Give me the exercises. I'll do them at home. I do push-ups like a broad now. I'm on my knees.

You know how the girls get into military? They can do pushups on. I'm on my knees doing those pushups. You know, when you watch the exercise videos, the fat broad who's doing the easier version of the exercise. Well, that's me. Anyways, I got the cortisone shot. Already feels good.

I already got beach.com lined up on my computer for later. Beach.com. Anybody? But it's sad. Sitting in there, all these people in their late hundreds, fucking age spots and tubes going in. This is just a waiting room at a fucking radiology place.

So I'm just saying, man, if you're going gonna do the high impact shit they're jumping around you know make sure you're not doing it on a tombstone of a floor like i was he said i have the knees of a 97 year old woman i said long as it's not the knees of a 12 year old altar boy i am uh i'm good with that oh yeah, yeah. Uncle Junior, where are you? Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife. I guess I'll have to spread my legs now, she says. Why, he asks.

Don't you have a vase? Anyways, before I get to the hard news, let's have a little fun. Game one last night at Fenway Park on a cold, brisk night, Kershaw versus Sale. And you can ask anybody who knows me, Nunez has been my favorite Red Sox because you can plug him in anywhere. He's like Brock Holt, only better, better hitter. And he's just, he's one of my, he's the most unsung hero of the Red Sox this year, but here's what he did last night. Ball hitter off a left-handers. That is hammered into left.

It is gone. Pinch hit, three-run home run. Nunez. Somebody give me a fucking wiener before I go crazy. John Smoltz was unbelievable last night. He does the color commentary next to Joe Buck. He said, talking about Nunez, and he says, Kershaw's a lefty. When lefties throw change-ups, they're very hard to throw to a right-handed hitter.

And if they're not a strike, it can be dangerous. He didn't even get the word out of his mouth. And it's exactly what, it was a change up that was out of the strikes, a little inside, and Nunez deposited it into the seats, the green monster seats, for an 8-4 victory by the unstoppable Sox. Again, it's far from over.

Manny Machado with that cauliflower ear, like the fucking, but I think we have a doozy on our hands. I really do. But bringing Evaldi in, he's throwing 101 miles an hour. It's 48 degrees. I'm telling you, man. The rules change.

In a short series, you don't have to bring in a shaky bullpen. You bring in some fucking starters. Get him a little work in. 101 he was touching. Mama-san. And then the other point I want to make, I'm going to give you L.A. Dodgers a tip. You're trying to pitch J.D. Martinez inside,

which is so stupid. The pitch that he's a sucker for is a ball away and down in the dirt. He always goes for that. They were trying to pitch him inside last night. And if you don't get it inside, where does it end up? Right over the heart of the plate.

And he's a fucking assassin, Martinez. So I'm giving you Dodgers a tip so we can make this interesting. I don't want to be bored out of my tits. But let me tell you about them Sox. Once they get into a World Series, they don't fuck around. Four straight in 2004

from the Cardinals. Four straight in 2007 from Colorado. Then six games, I think, against the Cardinals in 2013. We end up playing, ladies and gentlemen. I am excited. Hey, did you see, you know, Khashoggi, the guy that ended up in somebody's flower garden, cut up into little ribbons?

His son met with the Prince. That was kind of weird, isn't it? Meeting with him. But they caught a couple of the guys that were involved in the Prince. That was kind of weird, isn't it? Meeting with him. But they caught a couple of the guys that were involved in the murder, I guess, is evidence. And this is how they punished him. I was very surprised. I don't know who's being punished. The guy holding on or the guy doing.

That's me doing P90X. You got to stay focused. doing, that's me doing P90X. You gotta stay focused. I don't know if the Saudis actually had a sense of humor. That guy has to do that for another two days, and that's his punishment. Meanwhile, over there, if you spit or you show some ankle, they'll cut

your head off. Kind of fucking, kind of bizarre, is it not? So, yeah, that was it. Thank you, Ron Ebel, by the way, who sent that clip. Ron Ebel is a Patreon member and sends some really good stuff every day. He sends clips.

I don't want to encourage him by using this stuff, but I belly laugh when I saw that one. That was pretty good. That's great. That's great. That's great. That's great. That's great.

That's great. That's great. That's great. That's great. That's great. I'll give you a fucking war, okay? Say hello to my little friend Oh, I got powder on my glasses Ryan, come lick it off

No, no, no, relax Sit down Jesus, you that hard up? Wait till we have 11 viewers And you might get laid from the show. I would be honored. Yeah, I know you would. Why wouldn't you? Let's get on to the silly news, the cynical ploy.

If you guys believe that all these bombs today and all this horse shit are coming from people on the far right, you're fucking retarded, naive, and you don't know the democrat party and this is total fucking bullshit i'm going to give it to you in the order the stories came in this morning first we had the uh the fucking thick ankle dog face i know that we can finish the job of universal health care coverage for every single man woman in town Listen to that voice. I know I'm a fat fuck who lost to Donald Trump. Do you realize I live within like five miles of all this shit?

Fucking Soros. And I don't have money like they do. Don't get the wrong impression. I live in the fucking woods at a shitty house. But I'm just saying, all this shit's happening. I drive by the Clintons every time I go to get my elbow, my knees checked. For Christ's sake. What the fuck?

Anyways. I know I love bonbons. The Secret Service said Wednesday that potential explosive devices were addressed to former Barack Obama, President Obama, and an ex-presidential candidate, thick-ankled dogface, douchebag Hillary Clinton. In a statement, the Secret Service said the package addressed to Obama was intercepted by a defensive back from the jet, so we know that's a lie, by agency personnel in Washington, DC on Wednesday morning, the packages were immediately identified during routine mail screening procedures

as potential explosive devices and were appropriately. The fact that they caught all the bombs since when is the fucking postal people and these agencies so competent that, that, that make that flag goes up right there. Number one. And I'll tell you why this is all horseshit at the end of my dogshit

reporting. Both packages were intercepted prior to being delivered to their intended location. The protectees did not receive the packages nor were they at risk of receiving them. White House Press Secretary Crazy Eyes Huckabee Sanders said in a statement that the Trump administration condemns

the terrorizing acts against Obama, Clintons, and other public figures except Buck and Rosie O'Donnell. I don't know nothing about that. The New York Times, citing two law enforcement officials, reported the devices addressed to the influential Democrats were similar to the one found at George Soros' house, a politically active billionaire and pariah to many on the right. This is from NBC, by the way. Soros' home in Bedford, New York is located a few of the nine miles from the Clintons.

So it made it easy for this guy. He just drove around on his Vespa. Clinton spokesman Nick Merrill said in a tweet that nothing sent to Clinton got to any home. By the way, Hillary was in Florida and Bill was finger popping somebody from Fuddruckers. In a tweet Wednesday morning, the New York branch of the FBI acknowledged the existence of the package sent to the Clintons but said it would decline further comment.

Ba-ba-ba-boop-ba-ba-beep-ba-ba-ba. Breaking news. CNN headquarters, Nework had evacuated after suspicious suspicious package farm anchor jim shuto and puppy harlow were pulled off the air as alarms went off in the building we have a couple videos that's a excuse me that sounds like a fire alarm here we'll keep you posted on that but to happen sounds like don Lemon get caught blowing somebody in the men's room. That's what it sounds like. Go ahead, show the next one.

Okay, we're going to jump in. There's a fire alarm here. You might have heard in the background. We're going to find out what the latest is here at CNN. We're going to be right back. CNN, oh my aching ass. Danger, Will Robinson. Danger. No, Will Robinson. Danger. This is CNN, the most trusted name in news.

They still use that. They still fucking use that. Oh, how dare they. Anyways, CNN's Washington Bureau picked up coverage of the evacuation, which they reported was the result of a suspicious package delivered into the Time Warner building in New York before discovered by police. CNN reported that the device sent to the headquarters was constructed with pipe and wires. Yes. And there it is.

Similar to the, that's a stapler. Again, they pull that out of Don Lemon's ass with the envelope. Brian, your thoughts? That happened to me once. Not bad. Yeah, once. Once my ass. Let's go to Steve in Los Angeles.

Stevie boy, you're the first caller of the show. How are you? I'm good, Nick. How are you? Pretty good. Dude, you already said it, man. This whole thing stinks of false flag. Did you see the pictures that came out of the one that got sent? There was only six stamps on the thing.

That's not enough to send a package. It didn't have any markings on it. You know, like when you send a package, the stamps get like that ink on it. Yes. That wasn't on it either. It just looked like someone. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like someone just threw it in a mailbox.

Oh, and it had an ISIS flag on it, but no one's mentioning that. Well, it's not ISIS. They don't know that it's an ISIS flag. It's some type of Arabic fucking writing. But, you know. I know, but they're just going to ignore that part, even if it's irrelevant. No, you're exactly right. It really is a farce, man. Thanks for

the call, Steven. Always good to hear from LA, a place I used to visit when I had a career. You look good, little buddy! Anyways, okay, let's here's why it's a crock of shit, and I got more. There's more packages that White House,

CNN, blah, blah, blah, fucking Cuomo supposedly got one, CNN, MSNBC, all the media outlets that Trump's been trashing. So these dummies on the left said, you know what? We're the ones that have been berating and getting violent. We have to make them look more crazy.

That's all this is. If you can't see through this, I fucking guarantee I will eat this tie. If this in a couple of weeks isn't shown to be a farce. It is such a cynical ploy, and here's why I believe that. First of all, why would the Republicans send anything to Obama or Hillary, who they're already done with? They're not even fucking relevant anymore, those people. Also, Brennan got one, the former head of the CIA,

who's been shitting on Trump for a year and contributes to CNN. So he got one. Maxine Waters supposedly got something. Turned out to be a coupon from Popeyes, but nobody. So you really fucking. So all the people that he's been shitting. What a coincidence. You don't think the Dems are going, hey, look, we've been playing this card. The Kavanaugh thing blew up in our face. It backfired. We look like fucking assholes. We ruin that guy's life. And that hurt us. Now you get the caravan of 7000 Home Depot workers on the way to America. Those optics are making the Democrats look stupid because they've done nothing on immigration.

Even when Trump said he was going to, you know, let DACA people stay. They look, they're desperate. They're fucking desperate. I'm telling you, if I'm wrong, I will fucking, I'll date Ryan for a week. This is, this is what a desperate party would do. It's the Republicans are in power right now. Oh, by the way, you know the generic ballot? Remember the blue wave?

The Democrats were up about a month ago by 12 points. It's down to a couple of points. So who's the desperate party here? Who would do something like this? And here's the more disgusting thing. I'm listening to the radio in New York radio. It's very liberal. If you're not listening to conservative talk and they're out there and just the way they're telling this story, all these liberals, you know, Soros, Hillary, Obama,

arch enemy Brennan of Trump and CNN's reporting it and MSN just lining up, getting their ducks in a row. You can tell they got a fucking a memo with bullet points going, here's what we're going to do. It's in the Alinsky playbook. Now they're the victims. They're the victims. The Dems are the victims now. That's how fucking desperate they are for power. And fucking Trump has made them look like assholes. And I use the analogy again, they're flipping. This is the way of flipping over the wall. They have got nothing. The Mueller investigation with collusion,

fucking zero after almost two years. The Kavanaugh thing. He elected Gorsuch. He put Gorsuch on the court. They are getting their asses handed to him. The economy's never been better. Black and brown unemployment down. They got nothing. What is your fucking message? Go after the fucking Ted Cruz and his wife at a restaurant.

Fucking hassle Mitch McConnell, who has polio. That's all they've been doing. And another thing, how about when ricin was mailed to the White House three weeks ago? How long was that in the news? How long was that in the news? Five fucking 10 seconds? Actual ricin. So I'm almost disappointed that it's a ploy. I'm convinced it's a ploy, a cynical ploy by the Dems or the far lefts or the Soros of the world or whoever. Some people, there's a theory that Venezuela is behind a lot of this shit, the caravan shit, organizing the caravan and stuff.

And China's involved and Iran. And it all makes perfect perfect sense they are getting their asses handed to them and uh somebody came up with this and they handed they made copies send this to cnn msnbc nbc cbs abc the new york times and like clockwork it's so choreographed it's like like watching the fucking Rockettes. The bombs are found during the day. They look fucking weird, like the guy from LA just said. They're found early in the day and then each news outlet,

mainstream media, anti-Trump, and we know we have evidence, 93% negative since he became president. They're fucking goose-stepping. get it out there that this is obviously because of trump his war every time he points to the fake news at a rally people are getting beat up this is all because the trump's war on the media even if it was and i shouldn't be saying this even if they were real bombs sent by right wing zealots it's fucking understandable.

Because the fucking media, lying sacks of shit for the last 40 years with their lib message. What do you expect? But it's not. I'm telling you right now, you're going to find out that this was absolute, an absolute farce and fucking ploy. Kevin in Chicago. Kev, what's

going on? What's up, Nick? I just want to talk about this bomb stuff. I'm with you. I think this

is definitely some kind of massage stuff. They're trying to plant the bombs and put the blame on the right-wingers

and stuff like that. I think it's all a ploy. I think it's all fake news, stuff like that. But at the other point is I wouldn't be surprised if someone did do it, if some right-wing person did do it. Because you think patriots are going to just fall down and bend over

while these globalists try to sell out our country to Hispanic Americans and ethnically replace white Americans. And you think we're just going to fall down and let it happen. Oh, just keep bringing them in and everything's fine. It's not going to happen. It's going to get uglier and more uglier. And the same thing in Europe. They're trying to ethnically replace the Europeans with Africans and Arabs.

And if you think the Europeans over there are just going to fall down and let it happen, you're wrong. It's going to get uglier and uglier. Now you make it. These people need to wake up and realize that in the George Soros of the world, the Mark Steins, the Jeff Suckers stein stein's the uh jeff suckers you know all the international clique people they got wake up white people no kev you make all good points thank you for the call no you're absolutely right that's why i just said part of me is like

almost hoping it was real it's like oh we do have some fight back. But you don't want people getting blown up over politics. But, I mean, I don't know how you can't see through this. This is so fucking obvious. So obvious from the first report. And like you said, you think you're going to, I mean, you're going to hassle people in airports and restaurants, chase Sarah Sanders out with her kids and berate people? And the guy grabbed food off Mitch McConnell's table.

He's having dinner with his wife and banging on the Supreme Court doors and shit and throwing rocks through the window. How many Republican headquarters were vandalized in the last six months? And like Kevin said, you're going to just lay down and take it. It's almost justified. If it was some right wing zealot, it's almost justified. You really shouldn't kill people over politics. That's what war is, just failed politics.

But I'm telling you, it's not that. The fucking Clintons are involved. Anytime the Clintons are involved, it's not what it seems, okay? Just look at the list of people who supposedly got shit. Obama, Hillary, Brennan, all the people that Trump has had a beef with.

You know, it's just it smells. Here's the other one. A suspicious package apparently containing a pipe bomb was addressed to the White House was intercepted on Wednesday, according to CNN. Turns out that didn't happen. Reuters later reported there was no suspicious package addressed to the White House.

CNBC has not been able to confirm the report. So that one turned out to be bogus, I do believe. Yeah, CNN retracts the story, actually. Again, the most trusted name in fucking news. They retracted this story. This is CNN. Which I'm surprised they did. What the hell's going on

out here? CNN has retracted its fake news that a pipe bomb was sent to the White House, which goes against their, um, you know, their MO because, um,

if there's any network out there that would love to believe that right-wing zealot, you know, sent some, then again, it was to the white house. So it would be an anti-Trump person. After CNN ran it,

uh, it's report about the pipe bomb being intercepted in the mail before it reached the white house. Other news outlets in the secret service said that CNNnn report was not true why don't you check your shit out cnn you can go online there's a montage of cnn's retracting stories and all the mistakes they fucking why do you do this like old school reporting you check out all the facts before you run to the fucking air with it then Then again, you hired Don Lemon, so you're really not into vetting anything, are you? Jake Tapper actually tweeted.

I don't know if we have that. If I gave, I didn't give. That's all right, Jason. I got it right here. Jake Tapper says, I've deleted the tweet about a suspicious package sent to the White House. Evan Perez says,

law enforcement confusion led to that inaccurate report. Packages for White House and the Obamas are screened at the same place so to clarify, law enforcement says no suspicious package sent to White House that's Jake Tapper, I don't know what happened to him 833-599-6425

we got a super chat? okay I got one from Meximan and Cheese no one on their side believed their message enough to take one for the team. That's how I know it was them. That's a losing mindset. What does he mean by no one was going to take one for the team? Not sure what he's getting at. Huh? Doesn't explain.

I don't know, but yeah. You can see right through this. The first report. I mean, even the Soros thing. My wife goes, George probably put it in the mailbox himself. It wasn't in a mailbox. It was in the woods near his house, I guess. Another one.

Yeah, go ahead. Ask Steve Scalise who he thinks had the bombs. Yeah, exactly. Right there. Just the... exactly right there just the how the fact that a left-wing bernie sanders supporter yelled out this is for health care and shot steve scalese and five other republicans on a baseball field that would justify any of this shit uh once again the democrat party taking a you know taking a big dump on people. Then when you complain.

So apparently, it says here, four apparent explosive devices sent, this is towards the end of the day, sent to Clinton, Obama, CNN correspondent, and George Soros are linked. Two of the devices, one addressed to Clinton's Chappaqua home, one to Obama in D.C., were intercepted by the Secret Service. Bah, bah, bah. Another suspicious package, one addressed to ex-CIA

chief John Brennan, couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Now an MSNBC contributor that appeared similar to the other three forced an evacuation of the CNN Time Warner Center Wednesday. Columbus Circle was shut down. I've had dinner in there a couple times.

And New York City's emergency alert system said at 1110 a.m. that anyone in the vicinity of Columbus and 8th Avenue should shelter in place or hide by the Columbus statue. But that was torn down earlier. Just kidding. Law enforcement officials say at least three of the parcels, those addressed to Clinton Obama and Soros, had a manila outer packaging and the devices had stamps on them. One of them had a Swiss chalk line. They think Hillary did that one herself.

And then there was some come on another one. Bill might have had something that the devices appear to be working explosive sources. But but final analysis is pending. Final analysis is pending. The signature is nearly the same on all three packages, and at least two listed the return address as former DNC committee chairman Debbie Wasserman Schultz. Schultz's office is in Florida. Also received a possible suspicious package.

I have so much coffee in me. I'm suspicious. That is under investigate. Turned out that that was nothing. That one. I have so much coffee in me. I'm suspicious. Uh, that is under investigate. Turned out that that was nothing. That one. I'm not kidding you. They opened that one. There was a football in it.

Um, a red, a red, a bicycle pump. Seriously. Uh, some half eaten food. It was like these random thing had nothing to do with a pipe bomb.

But I mean, this is just so obvious. The Democrats aren't even good at being bad. Investigators are reviewing surveillance video to determine whether the package was sent via mail or otherwise delivered. Oh my god. With all the cameras today?

And then, of course, the Trump administration came God. With all the cameras today? And then of course the Trump administration came out. We condemn the attempted violent attacks recently made against President Obama, President Clinton, Secretary Clinton, other public figures. These terrorizing acts are despicable. In any one response, we will be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law. The United

States Secret Service and other law enforcement agencies are investigating and will take all appropriate actions to protect anyone but Jim Acosta. Anyways. It's all a ploy, folks. This is going to backfire too. Like the Kavanaugh hearings,

like this whole caravan shit, like Russian collusion. They are desperate and this is how low they will seek. Look what happened to me at a comedy club. And this is how low they will seek. Look what happened to me at a comedy club. This is the fucking level they play at. Remember the guy distracted me? His daughter sucker punched me?

It happened to a congressman, a guy running for Congress in Minnesota at a restaurant. Fucking lost their minds. Excuse me. Let's go to David. Let's go to Boosty in New York. Boosty, what's up?

Hey, Nick. Great show. I was watching that stupid press conference earlier in New York City with Mario Cuomo, de Blasio. Yeah. And they claimed it to be a terrorist attack. It was so freaking staged. I mean, the Democrats are failing just like that guy Sains Entertainment. They have nothing. And if it was a real terrorist attack, trust me, those bombs would have gone off. It's just so obvious this is all bullshit. It's just that they're trying to make it look like it's some right-leaning Trump supporter. Okay, hold on.

And if it really was a terrorist attack. Okay, hold on. So what are they saying? That it's a terrorist attack, meaning terrorists from the Middle East? Or that it's a right-leaning zealot? Or are they saying it's a right-wing, you know, they throw Timothy McVeigh into the terrorist, so this, they say it's an act of terrorism, is that what they're saying, by a right-winger, is that what they're saying? Absolutely, that's basically what they were

saying. Of course. They didn't have to say it any other way. The progressive liberals are failing so badly right now. Like I said, if this was really a terrorist attack, one of those bombs would have killed. It would have been exploded. It would have been detonated. None of it happened. It's just it's so obvious that this is just one of these attempts again, like what happened with Kavanaugh, the caravan. None of this is working. And I believe it's going to backfire in a bad way.

And next time it's going to be one of these, you know, left-leaning idiots that are going to try to do something. And, you know, every time they try to do something, they've always react, you know, acted to violence. That's right. Be it the shooting with the, with the Senate and all that kind of stuff. Right. Nothing has happened yet from Trump. And right now, today, what Governor Cuomo and de Blasio were saying, it was terror related. They're trying to split this country in half. But again, all right, Boos. But again, right wing terror, not terror as in terror, as an attack on New York City from a foreign land. They mean right wing terror, right? Did they say that specifically?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, all right. Thank you. Good call, Boosty. Yeah, that's exactly right. It's fucking embarrassing. And Cuomo, that's what I'm saying. They get all their ducks in a row.

Cuomo, get out there. You know, Cuomo, America was never great. de Blasio, who's the most far left politician on the fucking planet. Of course, he was going to be marching out there. It's all orchestrated, folks. It's like the fucking Rockettes. They're right in step with each other. It's fucking, they're not even, they're not even good at being bad. They have lost their minds. Since Trump got got elected they lost their fucking minds and it's only been getting worse and yeah you know what's gonna happen and you know why they do this

let me tell you why they do this the democrat party and the and the uh the de blasios of the world and the cuomos and the obamas and the clintons you know why they do this because they know their base is that stupid they live live in an echo chamber. The mainstream media carries a war. It's a propaganda arm for the Democrat Party. OK, and they believe it. They they've been repeating these lies. What a racist, misogynist country. White patriarchy, white privilege. They repeat this shit over and over on a loop on cable news. And they know because the the democrat no party out of the two has more uninformed voters than the democrats who do they rely on fucking non-citizens who don't even speak the language illegals college age kids with their brains are still mush they indoctrinate them on college campus they are the dumbest but they want ex-cons to vote why do you think they don't want

voter id and all this they voter ID they know that those idiots those useful idiots rely on it's all in the Saul Alinsky rules for radicals they fucking get their news from social media which is all left, we've already proven that the mainstream media and these young kids and dummies who haven't been in this country for 5 years they buy into it

they've been grooming this country for five years, they buy into it. They've been grooming these idiots for generations, and it's taking fruition. And the last caller was right. Some idiot now, because there's so many fake bombs and shit, somebody's going to do a real one, and somebody is going to get killed. Super chat. We got one from Mike Rossi.

I would bet my left nut you will not hear who did this until after the midterms. Yeah, good point. Good point. Although, if Trump figures it out, I mean, if they get evidence that, you know, it's a ploy by the, you put that out there the day before the election, don't you? And then people will go running to the, even people who don't ensconce themselves in politics kind of casually, they will go running to vote. But I mean, they suck at cheating. The Kavanaughs, all the smears that were false.

You get Michael Avenatti out there. I mean, they suck at being bad. They don't even know how to cheat well. Politics is the only thing they're supposed to be good at mean, they suck at being bad. They don't even know how to cheat well. Politics is the only thing they're supposed to be good at and they suck at that. Then in their personal lives, nobody likes them.

I suggest you all hang yourselves tonight. Pull a fucking Robin Williams, get your belt out. We'll find you hanging from your dresser drawers. Nick, now why'd you have to say it? I don't know. I met Robin once and I met Rob Winslow and I liked him actually at the comedy cellar. Of course, Jeff Zucker had to work. You don't think

it's a coincidence that all Trump's biggest enemies that he's been bad mouthing and they've been bad mouthing, they're the ones who got the pipe bombs. You don't think they're manipulating these uninformed fucking voters and it works. And I'll say this again. If the Democrats didn't have the mainstream media in their pocket, I don't think they'd ever win a fucking election. Ever. That caravan is swelling to, I read 14,000.

There's exactly six people left in Honduras now. Six people in the whole country. People are going to start going back because it's so empty and beautiful. There's three kids, there's a fucking llama and a gay couple uh they said it's swelling to 14,000 you know

Soros is behind I say so people say Venezuela's behind it could be anybody who hates the United States will get in a line uh be anybody who hates united states we'll get in line uh frank and uh beth page frankie boy how are you what's going on how's it going nick hey how'd you like how a governor wanted to jump on the bandwagon right away and claim that he got a bomb and then they later found out it was a box of files on the proud boys oh was it really yeah it was a box of files on the Proud Boys. Oh, was it really? Yeah, it was a box of files

on the Proud Boys group. And he made a claim that it was a bomb. Then they quickly retracted it. His brother had to retract it on CNN. Is that what it was, though, really? It was files on the Proud Boys?

That's unbelievable. That's great publicity for the Proud Boys. And let me tell you they're gonna they're gonna this they're gonna i did some investigations they're gonna solve this very quickly because like you said everything is on video everything in the post office uh security cameras they will find out who brought these packages in it's going to be quickly solved yeah it doesn't doesn't look like they hid their tracks that well. I mean, the packages are on TV, and like the guy

said, the stamps, there's usually a print over the stamps that looks like a tire track. Somebody did a real amateur job. Yeah, oh yeah. They're going to be found out very quickly. They got that guy with the ant tracks. I mean, how quick did they solve that?

They could definitely get this clown. And how quick did the... Thank you for the call, Frankie. Always a good call. That was me in the 80s at a dance club. Where'd the girls go? I haven't sat down. I've been dancing for three and a half hours. Everybody did Coke J's back. I'm telling you, it was fucking terrific.

I was making out with a girl on speakers. I was at the Palace Nightclub. They had curtains closed to both ends. I went behind the curtains and I was making out with a girl and they had these giant speakers set up. I don't know if a band was going to be there. We're making out on the fucking, you know, for like a half hour. We look up, the curtains had opened,

and there's like fucking 700 people watching us make out. Oh, the good old days. What did I just walk into? What did you what? You're making out on stage? No. See, Ryan was on the phone trying to do his job. No, I was making out at a dance club.

And there was curtains at both ends of the dance club. But, you know, I went behind the curtains. I was on these speakers making out with this girl. And we didn't know that they opened the curtains. We had our backs to the, you know, dance club. And there's like fucking 700 people laughing at us. Anyways, I went home and I spanked it that night. I'll never forget it.

It was, uh, uh. So Zucker, naturally, CNN's Jeff Zucker, without evidence, links Trump criticism to bomb scare. What a fucking piece of cheese. You're lying. And you're a piece of cheese. You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. God, I love that. Do it again. You're lying. And you're a piece of shit.

He is, too. Jeff Zucker, CNN's worldwide president, issued a statement blasting the White House for its total and complete lack of understanding of the seriousness of their continued attacks on the media. Could you make it any more obvious? This is evidence that it's all fucking set up. They waited. He waited till the end of the day to put this out. They couldn't wait to do this. Somebody came up with this plan. I know it will do.

Fake bombs to media personalities that Trump's had a beef with for the last year and a half. And then we'll say it's Trump's fault because at every rally he points and said these people are evil, fake news and it'll work beautifully. They did a rush job.

Look at him. I almost liked him because he put Tough Crowd on NBC for a couple episodes. I actually talked to him. I was standing next to him. I almost liked him because he put tough crowd on NBC for a couple episodes. I actually talked to him. I stand next to him. You know, that's before I get into the news business. I think, I don't know, but at least he had the balls to try it.

But he has since been neutered. Um, but couldn't you see this coming? He says there's a total, uh and complete lack of understanding of the White House about the seriousness of the... The president, especially the White House press secretary, should understand their words matter. Zucker said in a statement released. Thus far, they have shown no comprehension of that.

How about your comprehension, you fucking lying scumbag, of heading up a world news organization that's been busted literally hundreds of times of putting out fake shit about Trump. How about the fact Donna Brazile had the questions before a debate when Hillary was running against Bernie? Hey, Ryan, take it down a notch. Get Ms. Ridley, will you? This is soundproof glass, and it's like you're in my headphones. I know you're excited.

No, I know you're excited. $5.50 an hour is a lot of money for a kid like you. But this is evidence, isn't it? It comes full circle that Zucker, he has to connect the dots. Anyways, I'm glad I wasn't in the city and when they uh evacuated the uh whatever the fuck anyways let's go to david in santa monica david what's happening you think you're i'm a little i'm a little premature blaming go ahead dave well it it just happened today i mean you know nobody

the fbi is going to investigate it but i mean nobody knows who did it yet i'm thinking yeah no you're dave you know what you're right like when when uh what's his name oj simpson was acquitted we we didn't know that very second who did it, did we? Well, that was a little different. I mean, it didn't happen today. I mean... What are you talking about? The fucking... If you can't see through this, Dave, I feel very bad for you. I will bet this fucking $6

tie. You really... Like I said earlier, and I did have some logic behind it. It's not all emotion. The Republicans have no reason to do something like this, okay? The generic ballot, dude, listen to me, okay? They're in power right now, okay? The generic ballot, they were down by 12 points a couple of weeks ago, it's down to like two points. The Kavanaugh thing blew up in the Democrats' face, so does this caravan thing look horrible, even some lefties have said that they are the

ones chasing people out of restaurants. They are the ones committing violence. They are the desperate ones. So I'm just saying I'm connecting the dots. I'm not just doing this because, you know, I like Trump. You know, I mean, well, now, whoever. Yeah. But whoever sent a bomb in the mail has got to be kind of deranged, whether he's on the right or on the left. I mean, it doesn't sound like something, you know, a thought-out person. Well, that's a different argument. That's not what you just, we were arguing about. But, yeah, no, of course.

But, you know, you hire people. And like the other caller said, if these were professionals, the fucking things, somebody would have got hurt, and one of them would have went off. But, you know, I hear you. But I'm telling you, Dave, I've been following these scumbags forever, and I wouldn't put it past them. They are cornered.

They are like, have a corner of a rat or a squirrel, and they jump at your face. No, not... I never did that. Alright, thanks, man. Okay, Super Chat. Who is it? Next, a man in cheese again.

This bomb scare BS are the type of ideas organizations come up with when they put diversity over meritocracy in hiring practices. Oh yeah, that all comes into play. I mean, when you're trying to replace, when you're trying to tear down a system, which the left is, the far left in this country, and replace it with socialism,

yes, you have to do shit like this. These are the air markings of a revolution, although these bombs didn't go off. So maybe it's like a, you know, a warm-up. But yes, all that comes into play. Brainwashing kids on college campuses, fucking lying through the mainstream media. Yes, it all comes into play. Absolutely. No doubt about it. Let's take a palate cleanser. Can we, I need a, I need a palate cleanser

can we I need a palate cleanser we're going to lighten up a little before we get back to the calls and shit good calls by the way good show today enjoying it thoroughly can't wait to go upstairs and watch my socks snort a little motor of this ricin I thought you were not kissing

um let's go to one of my favorites I tell you not kiss um let's go to one of my favorites he was a I wouldn't say close friend Jimmy Norton was very close to him but he was a good friend of mine me and Patrice despite us being on tough crowd lashing out at each other and screaming

at each other at the comedy cell there we did shorties watching shorties together and he was one of my favorite comics and uh a boston guy and an angry guy and he didn't like whitey i'm gonna be fucking purpose perfectly honest and uh i told him i'm not crazy about your people and he fucking loved me the day i said that and uh let's let's listen to i wanted to pull a clip of him. He does the thing about those commercials late at night when they come on with the ASPCA and the injured dogs and shit, which is my favorite Patrice bit. But it was from, I could only find the comedy central version, which what happens when I

play something like that, it gets flagged and then it won't play on Patreon and I can't monetize and I need the money. Look at the shirt for Christ's sake. So I found another clip that's animal related. Patrice talking about how much he loves his little dogs. So we have the audio of the bit. We'll put his big beautiful face up there. We missed the guy.

I have my dogs. I have a poodle in the West here. I'm going to tell you something. Poodle, yeah? But see how they do? See how we are? Trying to make me feel like a faggot, see? Poodle, faggot, you ain't got no pit bull, nigga? That's why he hangs out with white guys. I don't blame Toto. I'm sharing my shit with a bitch.

Poodle, nigga. I love my dogs. They're little motherfuckers, and I'm going to tell you, My shit would have been, photo, nigga. I love my dogs. They're little motherfuckers. And I'ma tell you what happens. And I love my girl, but when I have my dogs, I be like, I love my fucking dogs.

Like, it's weird. Like, the motherfuckers be doing shit, and I'ma tell you why. Cause my girl, it was, I had an epiphany. I was sitting there, had my dogs, I looked back, and my girl was asleep, and I was tell you why because I my girl it was I had an epiphany I was sitting there had my dogs I'm look back and my girl was sleep and I'm like I love my girl but I didn't I wasn't like I love my fucking girl but I'd be looking at my dogs and shit love my dogs I'll need me, right?

But they don't act like they don't. So, my girl needs me like my dogs need me. But she play me like I ain't shit. The Westies legs are this motherfucking big. He can't jump up on shit. So when I'm sitting up and everybody's having up high fun, this nigga be going, I wanna, man, I want to get up there. Help me, man.

Help me. Like, oh, shit, boy. I'm up there. Yeah, I'm up here. Thank you. I got to have some fucking fun. I need you. He don't sit there and go, well, fuck you then.

I'll buy a ladder. Or... All right, that's good. That's good. Fuck you then, I'll buy a ladder. Oh, I miss that motherfucker. Oh, anyways, we do that on the show. It gets a little heavy.

You know, we're talking about pipe bombs. Steve has a good point in Fort Lauderdale about these pipe bombs. Stevie, tell the people your theory. Hey, Nick, first of all, I absolutely love the show and go Red Sox. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. And then what? Yeah, yeah.

My dad grew up in Brighton, we're big Red Sox family one quick point you are the only guy on TV I know everybody else sucks you're the only one who pointed out what a moron Maxine Waters is with go to a gasoline station the gasoline state right nobody in the world says that but anyway go ahead my point is that you're you're right target with this whole bomb thing if somebody if i wanted to do serious damage to all these people right who got these bombs in like a manila envelope where like you couldn't tell in two seconds right something wasn't right yeah i'd send an exploding strap on well then you then you take care of everybody well then you're gonna kill um who barney frank well he's not in there anymore. Don Lemon? Don Lemon

and probably Debbie Wasserman Schultz. She looks like she might be strapping on now. But yeah, you make good points. If they really wanted to do damage, thanks for the call, Stevie. Yeah. It's an amateur job.

It reminds me of when they tried to blow up, what's his name, at the end of Casino. Remember they tried to blow De Niro's character up at the end of Casino, and he said it was a real amateur night. They put the bomb under the roof. The car he had had an extra metal plate in it that year or something. He said it was a real amateur job. Same with Rodney Dangerfield.

When he said he got mugged in Central Park, he could tell it was an amateur job. There was butter on the knife or some shit that's what this is that's what this is just ridiculously easy I got up and I went on drudge at like 1030 and anybody I was like oh yeah right

now they're the victims they're just trying to say, look it. The right is more crazy than we are. Sure, we'll chase you out of restaurants and yell at you and stuff and tear signs out of your front lawn. And we'll do that stuff. But I mean, you guys are sending bombs. So who's really nutty?

And like I said, the list of, it almost goes on the list. And Cuomo. Oh, Cuomo and de Blasio. What a horrible, God, I wish I didn't fucking live here. Wish show business was in fucking Amish country. I'd be huge. They'd all be in their buggies.

I'd be doing donuts to my infinity, giving them the finger. Oh, and look at the dough I have for my podcast. Now make me some butter, bitch. That's my next album. Make me some butter, bitch. Ah. Let me do one more off topic. We covered the bomb

things enough, and you know where I stand. And honest to God, if I'm on the left, if I'm an Amy Schumer, or all these lefties in my bed, I would be embarrassed. My face would be flush with this attempt at this bomb. But they're so blinded and live in such an echo chamber. Do you really think

they'd ever put on Fox News once? I watch Don Lemon all the time because I have a crush on him. I like to crush his head with my Timberlands. Let's put up a picture. I talked about Louis C.K. doing my buddy Louis. He was up in Boston visiting family, so he stopped in at a club called Giggles

owned by Lenny Clark's brother, Mike Clark, one of the clubs I used to play all the time. And Mike Clark used to bring me a ton of work. If you liked me as a comic, you could thank him when I was an open miker. And, uh, so anyways, Louie stopped by at his club, uh, and, and, and did a set. And I guess some of the female comics from the area would just appalled that Mike would do that. That would spring this rapist on, on, uh, you know, unsuspecting girls in the audience. And I chose the word girls on purpose. There's a Stephanie Peters. She, uh, she thought it was

weight and you can see she has a right to criticize because you can tell right there. She was born with the DNA of a comedian. What, what is that? A female Drew Carey? That pineapple's filled with heavy cream. Again, she has the forearms and hands of Alan Hale from Gilligan's Island. Or Boog Powell, depending on how old you are. But what did I say to you guys when I heard all these female comics, Bad Mouth and Louie, and I can't believe it, but I said, I guarantee you, they all look like, you know, not very attractive. Again, I don't want to, Stephanie, I've never seen your comedy,

but from that picture, I think it sucks. I'm just going to go out on a limb. I've been doing this quite a, I wouldn't say you're a monologist, but the glasses, those are tremendous. The fuck did she do? Goes to the 99 cent store, buys her act.

When she bombs, she brings back the receipt. But she, I'll say it again, her beef is not with all men or people. It's with the man who created her upstairs. That's what her, right there she's waiting for somebody's with the man who created her upstairs.

That's what her... Right there, she's waiting for somebody to throw some Ziti in her mouth. Nick, why are you going to do that? I like to punch down, that's why. What do you think of that? I'm for bullying. I was already pro-bullying. I get bullied, I bully people.

So, it's a part of life. If I hear one more adult politician use the term bullying, I'm going to come to the house and bully your kids. I'm going to mail a pipe bomb shaped like fucking Big Bird. Hey, he retired, the guy that played Big Bird. That was in the paper

a couple days ago. Apparently, he was getting chafing from the suit for years. He didn't want to say anything. He was going to lose his benefits or some shit. So Stephanie Peters, come on, stop it. And I'm not one of you guys

who hate female comics, okay? Except for her. But I still say Brett Butler was one of the funniest female comics, one of the best comics of all time. Brett. Mean as a snake, smart as a whip, and I loved

Phyllis Diller as a kid. I'm not kidding. I used to see Phyllis Diller on The Merv Griffith Show. I thought she was hilarious. One of my influences. I never bring that up. That's kind of sexist of me. Paula Ponstone. Pretty funny until she diddled one of her kids with a hairbrush. Then I said, I'm not that big a fan.

What's going on with the caravan? Huh? How are their feet? These people are walking. There you go. That's not even a caravan. You know what that is? That's West Hollywood. That's Anaheim. That's in the breakdown lane on the 405

heading to San Diego. That's what the Democrats, the progressives, the douchebags, they won't be happy until all of America looks like that. And you think I'm fucking kidding? Because those are potential voters right there. Those people, oh, they're just coming for a better life and all this shit.

Oh, it's our responsibility to take care of the fucking world? Tough shit. They've only walked about 40 miles and their toes are falling off and rotting. And anyways, Mexican news outlet, officials say 14,000, that's 14 large Honduran migrants heading to the U.S. I can't wait till the whole country sounds like this. This will be everybody's neighbors in about 10 minutes. This proof that there are

criminals in there and this proof that there are criminals in there and this proof that there are people from fucking the Middle East it's an invasion they don't have uniforms on you guys know the story and again the optics even Avenatti that fucking the porn lawyer said to the Democrats this looks horrible

what are you doing the news outlet reported that municipal authorities, the Catholic diocese, and the Mexican city of Tapachula and the Mexican National Migration Institute provided the 14,000 figure. The first group walked for 37 kilometers. Already they're fucking it up. They're using kilometers and not goddamn miles.

They're bringing that goddamn polio. They're bringing fucking leprosy. And they're bringing the metric system. That's worse than all the diseases. I look at a can of soup. I want to know how much sodium in it. It says fucking 2,100 milligrams. It doesn't help me out.

Hold on. We'll get to the super chat. Let me just... Yeah, they walked 37 kilometers from Ciudad Hidalgo to Tapachula on Sunday afternoon and was compromised of 5,333 children, women and men. Later that afternoon, 3,000 more men, women, and children

started to walk under the rain. Meanwhile, there are 3,000 children, women and men in the Ciudad Hidalgo International Bridge, shared by Mexico and Guatemala, who are looking to enter Mexico with documents provided by Waze. By the I-N-M. Showers and toilets are also provided. So Mexico is aiding in this. They're not our friends, Mexico. The report also said

the local officials were providing shelter, food, water. So they're going to have the shits halfway here. Even medical treatment is the Mexican. How can you fucking eat

like four burritos and then get back on the road? It's 102 degrees out. I had chili in July. I thought I was going to fucking die. I couldn't make it from my hammock

back to the whole country's going to fucking die. I couldn't make it from my hammock back to the... Whole country's going to smell like cumin. The report concluded with Guatemalan officials saying that they expect 3,000 to 4,000 more people to begin the trip soon to the Mexican border. I mean, are you kidding me?

Who's left? Is there anybody left? Ah, but remember folks, if you oppose that, them getting in here, you are a fucking racist bigot. Shut your mouth. Or some of my comedian friends are going to come to your door. or some of my comedian friends are going to come to your door. You'd think they'd want to turn back,

what with all the pipe bombs and shit, but they're used to that. And let me tell you, what's funny is, remember Trump referred to these places as shitholes and he caught all that shit? But now the Democrats who support this campaign, but they live in shitholes. That's why they're coming here. They don't say it in those terms, but once again, Trump was ahead of theitholes. That's why they're coming here. They don't say it in those terms.

But once again, Trump was ahead of the curve. Why do you think they're coming here? Because they live in beautiful spots? I can't wait for that caravan from fucking Honolulu. It'll be more like a boat, I guess, or fucking some type of flatbed raft.

These people are very crafty. Give them a hammer and a two-by-four, they'll build you the Queen Mary. Yeah! Just look at that. I should have had you pull up pictures of Anaheim, because it looks just like that.

It's already happening on the West Coast, so California, enjoy your votes, your future votes. Is the rest of that okay? It's the politician going, what's in here? Somebody call the hospital? I just swallowed some ricin.

Is that a terrorist attack? Or did somebody just powder a baby's ass? Jesus, now I have the pallor of a... Pick a cancer patient. Anyways, let me get on with the final story tonight. Jesus Christ.

This happens to me when I powder my baby's ass. And by baby, I mean a 19-year-old Cherokee that I met at the Mohegan Sun. Okay. Couple of super chats. Go ahead.

All right, so we got one from Dustin Toland. If it's $14,000 now, next time it'll be $50,000. I don't know what000 now, next time it'll be 50K. 50,000. I don't know what he means by next time, but yeah. Well, once they get here, they'll do the chain migration thing that Trump is supposed to fix, right? But yeah, there'll be another one.

There'll be one leaving every... It's like buses. They'll be leaving every two weeks out of fucking dog shit city in Honduras. Go ahead. I got a second one from Mike Rossi again. People don't remember when people came in in the 20s and 30s. They were isolated on Ellis Island for a month before

being released to the public. Well, yeah. If you watch the Godfather kids, you'll see that little Vito Corleone at the age of about nine. And they come through Ellis Island. They check you for all kinds of shit. And they had to quarantine him.

I believe he had dandruff and athlete's foot. And a lot of garlic on his breath. I forget what he had. TB or some shit. Go ahead, Brian. And our last one is from Chris Kaufman Jr. Central America is declaring war on the United States. In modern warfare, you disguise your army as refugees.

So why can't we hit it from the air? Those are all questions in a perfect world that would go... You don't even have to hit it. Let them get here and then hit them. But he's exactly right. This is all organized. And like I said, there's a lot of theories out there about Venezuela being behind it. And it is a fucking invasion. And fuck anybody who calls

you a racist or a bigot. It's the most naive, ignorant fucking... You think Pelosi gives two fucks about these people? Or do you think she gives a fuck about holding on to her power? Same with Chuck Schumer. This is the future. This is the future. I'm glad I'm glad of my age I do not want to be around here in another three weeks but uh it's fucking not gonna be happy until it looks like

El Salvador that's when they'll be happy Anaheim already does in parts of fucking LA congratulations you won finally tonight I'll meet the press Megan Kelly in parts of fucking LA. Congratulations, you won. Finally tonight, I meet the press. Megyn Kelly, an emotional Megyn Kelly, began her program Wednesday morning by reading a prepared apology for her comments

the previous day defending blackface Halloween costumes. Oh, how dare he. Wake up, white people. Here's the video of megan kelly he's kind of scared and i want to begin with two words i'm sorry hold on you may go ahead they've heard that yesterday we had a discussion here about political correctness and halloween costumes that conversation turned to whether it is ever okay

for a person of one race to dress up as another. Yes. A black person making their face lighter or a white person making theirs darker. Pause. A black person making their face whiter gets in trouble? No, the answer is no, Jason. You're shrugging your shoulders.

It's never happened. Never happened. A black person has never gotten in trouble for making fun of white people in any way. White face would be actually hilarious. And it should be allowed both ways in a world with a sense of humor that wasn't tainted by fucking progressives

who are just humorless, have zero sense of irony. And let's hear what the blonde-haired, blue-eyed devil has to say to make a costume complete i defended the idea saying as long as it as it was respectful and part of a halloween costume it seemed okay well i was wrong and i am sorry oh for the love of christ megan they always bend on the issue of race. She goes on to say that she's not a PC person normally,

but you are. Because the only time political correctness is really relevant and the only time it's tested, the litmus test is when it comes to race. And when you bend and give in, and it should be all right for an Asian woman to do blackface, a black guy to do whiteface, a Native American to make fun of. That's the way it should be all right for a Asian woman to do blackface, a black guy to do whiteface, a Native American to make fun of.

That's the way it should be. That's how you release tension through fucking humor, not by silencing it. And again, 98% of the silencing and censorship comes from the fucking left. They've taken all the fun out of the world. Nick, what are you saying? You have to dress up in blackface? I don't have to. I'm a fucking Italian. You should see me in the summertime hey fucking guy asked me to carry his bags at jfk

this august true story it's a black guy so i did it i said it's my turn um what a crock of uh poo poo remember ted dancing remember remember he put on blackface at a fryer's roast when he was dating whoopie nobody it got a little bit of Friars roast when he was dating Whoopi nobody it got a little bit of controversy but he was he was banging that Whoopi and again that makes him more than a pedophile in my eyes to tap that the fucking amount as we bang in a bean bed

chair with a fucking weave but if you don't remember Ted Danson I couldn't find a good clip of him in blackface, but Howard Stern, when he was outrageously funny and politically incorrect,

and he had, again, Robin Quivers, who was black, so he had a buffer and could get away with this, but this was his take on Ted Danson in blackface. Hollywood's oddest couple, Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg via satellite transmission. Well, how you doing there, Missy Robin Whipper?

You know, Robin, Whoopi is a whole lot prettier after you've drunk a couple of bottles of this here more liquor. Drink on, honey. With every sip you get better and better, baby. Your snacks smell like a kingfish. I didn't like that. Let me just say right from the very beginning, I cannot believe you're still in blackface after the Friars Club roast. Well, I hate blackface.

I just can't get this shit off. Besides, Whoopi Dunn wrote everything that I'll be saying here tonight. Ain't that right, you smelly nigga? I said I didn't write that. Well, he is a smelly nigga. Are you shitting me? Are you shitting me? Are you shitting me? Ryan actually looks scared.

I'm not condoning anything, but that was fucking funny. And it was funny because George Jefferson, who played George Jefferson? Sherman Hemsley. Sherman Hemsley was playing whoopee. And Robin Quivers, who are black, and they were laughing their fucking ass off. And I'm saying, and Patrice would have fucking, would have loved that. And I'm just saying. So Megyn Kelly come out and starts crying and poo-pooing. um all the fun is gone

oh we had a guy quit a a patron quit because i think my uh i think priscilla handed me the uh the guy's name I don't know Tom something he was a Patreon he was at the fucking Fredo level but he quit because of my singing he couldn't take it anymore that's what he said he couldn't take oh and I was being too harsh to the twinks

so you know this guy was a real bitch but I'd love to have him back I feel bad I feel like I should do something for him. Maybe I should. Though April showers may come your way They bring the flowers that bloom in May That bloomin' May So if it's rainin' Have no regret Because it isn't rainin'

Rain, you know It's rainin' violets If you see clouds Upon the hill, you soon will see crowds of daffodils. So keep on looking for the bluebird and listening for a song whenever Abel's showers come along. That is it, folks. Remember, you think it, I'll say it. You're very welcome, and thanks again for seeing your poet.

Spread the word about this show, will you please? I'm getting up there. I had my elbow shot with cortisone. I'm taking steroids, and I'm going to do some deep knee bends tonight. So keep supporting live comedy. I'll see you at Lucy's this weekend, and I'll see you guys tomorrow. What's that? Come on, guys.

Have some sense of timing. Peter Boothroyd says, peace and love. Yeah, thanks. That was worth it, Jason. Have some sense of timing. Peter Boothroyd says, peace and love. Yeah, thanks. That was worth it, Jason. Jesus Christ. Had a nice musical number. I was trying to piss that guy off, who's probably not going to see it anyways. All right, guys.

We'll see you tomorrow. Take care of yourselves, you filthy sons of guns. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 Субтитры создавал DimaTorzok We'll be right back. Bye.