The Nick DiPaolo Show - Bonehead Biden Beats Bernie | Nick Di Paolo Show #310

Episode Date: March 4, 2020

Mini Mike is finger licking gone. China continues coronavirus crap. Corey Feldman felt up. MONDAY - THURSDAY 5PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

🎵 Oh, yeah, it's that time again. It's a Wednesday in Georgia. How are you, folks? Thank you for joining us on the show. Big show today. Raz, we have his guy who does his flowers and David Letterman's old hairdresser. We don't have any of that shit. Anyhow, great to be here.

It's, what is it, a fucking Wednesday? Mr. DiPaolo, no one could be as nasty as you pretend. Yeah, shut up. You're being very negative, Mr. DiPaolo. Shut up, Bob. Hello? Hello? Hello?

Hello? Fun with audio. None of these make any sense, but welcome to the show. This is my greeting. Run through a motherfucker face. As Shakespeare said that, I think, it was in Macbeth, wasn't it? Something like that. Or is it about Tomica?

Up on the balcony in the projects, the pork and bean projects. I heard you fucking some other, I'll run to a motherfucking face. All right, let's get right to it. Joe Biden, big night last night, takes the delegate lead after a, after a super, well, he called it Thursday, but we all call it Super Tuesday still.

This Democrats, you know, this is hilarious. This is, this is who you're counting on. This fucking guy. He won. Oh, that dirty cogsucker. Now, why did you go out for him? Was it because he's made, he's such a good speaker? Is it his energy?

Exactly why did he win all these? That shows you how scared they are of Bernie. And, you know, we'd make in front of joe i can't see man every day it's getting worse fucking christ i led a good life when i was young did a little blow in the 80s you know got fucking chlamydia like everybody else i the fuck are my eyes going 58 i didn't wear glasses until I was 40-something. Now, it's going away. Somebody, get me a German Shepherd. Let me put these on. These are gayer than my

fucking sister's shoe closet. Look at these. Artie Lang's sister got me these. These do not fit my personality. I look like a goo gobbler on MSNBC. Hi, everybody. Trump's the bully. Suck my cock. All right. After fourth and fifth place finishes to start the primary season a few weeks ago,

before his big win with all those dummies in South Carolina, I'm only kidding. I got a ton of fans there. Former Vice President J.B. continued his comeback Tuesday, overtaking the socialist Marxist communist cocksucker Bernie Sanders in the overall delegate count for the Democratic presidential nomination. Biden notched wins on Super Tuesday. Get this, in Texas, in goddamn Texas. What the fuck? That's the most surprising one, I think.

North Carolina, Massachusetts, another one. So maybe there's little hope left in my home state. You didn't go for the fucking radical leftist because my hometown has moved so far left it's i get booed for saying jew at a stand-up comedy club i mean what and by the way i think trump has writers watching my show i'm not fucking shitting you i i keep reading quotes and they're using lines we're using on this show. We did have Donald Jr. on. Kimberly Guilford knows I exist. She knows I'm a car.

Somebody's watching it. I'll give you more specific examples a year, about six months from now. He won Massachusetts, surprise, Alabama, Arkansas, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Virginia. Sanders won in four states. Left wing California, we're hoping the earthquake hits soon so that piece of shit state can break off and float out to fucking coronavirus country. Colorado, Utah, and his home state of Vermont.

So those aren't big surprises. But California's huge, so a lot of delegates there. The race in Maine had not been called early Wednesday, but it appears the two candidates each one eight delegates oh god let's sit type it out on the fucking we were told when you get to super tuesday this is biden talking it may be over an energized biden told supporters after doing three bumps of coke in the green room uh well it may be over for the other guy he says oh good one no no no no no no no no

shut it joe he says i want to thank our incredible supporters and volunteers across the country your faith in our campaign especially when the pundits and the media counted us out probably because i can't get out a full sentence and i'm wearing an adult diaper right now and i have no feeling in my hips means the world to me he added later in a tweet. Let's go win this together. Why don't you go shit in your hat, you fucking hair-plugged moron? Biden responded to a tweet from Donald Trump

that criticized Warren and Bloomberg, and he replied back. He said to Donald Trump, you lost tonight. Democrats around the country are fired up. They're so fired up they voted for me, a white guy in his late hundreds who's fucking really retarded. We are decent, brave, and resilient people. What does that mean, Joe, that people who voted for Trump aren't? They're indecent? You fucking elitist asshole. You've been in Washington for 40 years.

You haven't done a goddamn thing. You are obama the first black president's vice president that's the only thing you have on your resume okay stop with your lying i was arrested uh with mandela that's what he actually fucking said anyways i love it because you know he's a dead man walking this isn't over anyways uh we are decent brave and resilient people we are better than you we are better that's not too condescending uh come november we are going to beat you oh yeah i'm gonna fucking smash his fucking face me too mr president me too a total of 1344 delegates were up for grabs tuesday nearly 70 percent of the 1991 needed to secure the Democratic nomination on the first ballot at the party's national convention in Milwaukee in July. With the largest populations and most

delegates to award a total of 756, California and Texas were the top prizes Tuesday. North Carolina pledged 110. Residents of LA County, listen to this. Once again, California can't get this shit together. Used new voting machines, the first wholesale redesign of the county's voting system in more than 50 years. Why do they always wait to break out the new shit? Shouldn't you be testing it? And I guess they probably did, but, you know, they had the app thing. L.A. Times reported that 15 other counties experienced problems connecting their voting systems to the statewide voter database. Probably because nobody speaks English and there are no translators there.

California is now a third world country, basically. Some counties were unable to update registration records to show that voters had already voted. It's kind of important, isn't it? To make sure voters weren't able to vote twice, some election officials asked them to cast a provisional ballot, which accounted the day after the primary. L.A. was unaffected by the problems, other than homeless people taking a shit in the booth or people pulling the lever, you know, stuff like that, little details.

Voters faced long lines in Houston up to three hours after technical problems with some Democratic voting machines. One Houston voter said, look, I'll wait three hours for a three-piece and a biscuit at KFC, but this is fucking outrageous. Anyways, machines for the Republican primary had no reported problems. Anyhow, so Biden is just prolonging his pain. I don't know. What's the takeaway from here?

That the Democrat Party is scared shit of Bernie, right? I mean the people who run the whole Democratic apparatus. They know that Bernie will get crushed like a bug. But can I just make you feel a little worse? So will Biden. Trump's a freight train. Unless, like a few people have been saying, the whole thing is rigged.

Google's already going to work on suppressing fucking voices all over high tech, conservative voices, right-wing voices. We know the fix is in. Sometimes I'm burning up here. I might have Corona. Huh? I've been, I've been, I've felt daunted since I fucking got home. And I did shake about 200 hands and then had finger sandwiches. Anyways, here's, we have Biden here. He was giving a little, you know, a little victory speech last night. And a few wackos charged the stage.

Let's take a look at that video, shall we? And unions built the middle class. Then they ruined them. In the neighborhood, we come from the three. Then they ruined them. In the neighborhood, we come from the three. Look at that big old white guy carry that girl out like a doll. Look at, pause, pause.

See the girl, see the, see the guy. It looks like a guy in the black and white coat pulling the girl that's simone sanders she's running biden's campaign i think she worked with bernie last year i've seen her on cnn saying the most racist shit she's a big angry black woman i this is what she should be doing bouncing but how funny is that is that? I think she worked for Bernie in the last campaign. Now Joe Biden's like, she's like the head of the whole thing. She gets up there and pulls this woman off. So, Simone, nice tackle. I heard the 49 is a calling. They want to plug a few holes, could make the difference this year.

We'll get to that story in a minute. But that's Simone Sanders. Get her big fucking warren sap left arm under that girl's tits and then fucking can i ask you a question we've seen this a couple times right during this these campaigns where's security should those girls even get that close i seriously what if that's uh somebody who wants to do some harm. Do you see Joe? He had no fucking... The girl's up there for like 30 seconds.

What the fucking thing? What are we doing? What's going on right now? Unions built it. Unions are also the reason why a bus driver in cleveland a few years ago made four hundred thousand dollars driving a bus it's the reason toyota had to move their fucking uh this private sector unions and public ones too but you know i remember reading about toyota they had to you know give people dental health and shit and and and they're paying them

like you know a hundred dollars to put a fucking lug nut on. They couldn't make a dime selling a car. That's why, you know, I'm talking about, you know, that's the private sector unions. But I was never a big fan. But they did have a purpose in this country, like I said, when they used to chain a woman to a loon for 18 hours without a shit break to make umbrella handles. I can understand that. But those days, those days, pretty good phrase, huh, Jason? By the way, our boy Jason's here today because Raz is taking some

type of Black Lives Matter business shit. No, every Thursday, he's going to business school. He's got a wife and kids, so, you know, Jason came. Jason will be running the board like a use. Jason, thank you for coming in. Appreciate it. Jason was just busted for marijuana down here on the air. Anyway, you believe that, though? Simone Sanders making that nice fucking clothesline tackle? What the hell's going on out here? It's a good stick is what

it is. Hey, real quickly, I gotta thank people who are donating to the show. This is so important, I can't emphasize it enough. Since the show is free now. We live on your donations. One-time donations at nickdip.com. Jason Bistock from Pennsylvania.

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and monthly supporter Amara Lorches. If I butchered your name, I'm sorry, but I don't think I did. Anyways, thank you guys so much. So go to nickdip.com if you want to do that and check my live updates. What else? The show's four days a week free, YouTube, Stitcher, iCloud, iTunes, all that shit. If you still want to sign up at Patreon, it's still open. Why would you do that? Because you're going to get access to the 300 archive shows that we've already done. You're going to get an extra segment of news from me, and you can ask me questions. And if you're lucky enough, I'll make you a grilled cheese and mail it to your house. One-time contributions, you go to nickdip.com. Click on the contact button.

I don't know why I have the notes way the fuck over here. And if you want to sponsor the show, if you have a company, you want to get the word out, if you believe in free speech, go to nickdip.com, and we'd love to talk to you. We need sponsors since we're giving the shit away now. And I'm not selling that much weed on the Tuesday night that I'm open to Jason's friends.

Anyways. That's that. It's nice. I got throat polyps now. I have another cigarette, Nick. Is a half a pack too much before breakfast? Look at the greasy Don Corleone fucking hairdo today. Vito, I should say. Another nose.

I swear, my grandchildren's pancreas. Look how they're massacring my boy, Bernie. Look at him. Ah, your sister's ass. How we doing on 116. That's it? I better slow this train down. God fucking damn it. Let's stay on the big night last night.

I'll tell you who was a big winner. I'll tell you. It wasn't Mike Bloomberg. He suspended his campaign last night. He suspended it. Bye-bye, dickhead. Bloomberg suspends campaign after disappointing Super Tuesday

performance. The decision comes after the Democratic candidate won only the American Samoa caucuses. He put in $100 million in that big market. Jesus Christ, I could have got four of those delegates just by showing up and buying poi. Where is it? What is American

so on? Something to do with Hawaii, right? Nobody knows. Three guys here, all went to college. No clue. Good thing Bloomberg wrapped it up, though. Could mean the difference. This, after spending more than a half of a billion of his own fortune on the 2020 bid, centered on

a strategy of skipping the early primary stories stories that's what it says stories early primary stories that's what it says states in favor of super tuesday um how did that work out for you mr bloomberg i don't know what happened i thought I was going to buy this thing outright. He immediately announced he would be endorsing Joe Biden. He says, I'm a believer in using data to inform decisions. After yesterday's results, the delegate math has become virtually impossible and a viable path to the nomination no longer exists.

and a viable path to the nomination no longer exists. But I remain clear-eyed and filthy fucking rich about my overriding objective, which is victory in November, Bloomberg said in a statement as he flew over the crowd like Mary fucking Puppins. Stop getting cocky. Do you ever see that clip, Jace? You haven't seen it? He's literally with an umbrella on a Broadway stage.

They put him on a cable and he floats. Oh, my God. Look at this. Radz is producing. I'll tell you where I'm going. Good acting. First, Iowa. Then New Hampshire.

Then that wonderful stretch of it. He is so happy. You can see the erection. Look at that. And that's the end of his campaign. Stop getting cunty. That's who you want running the fucking world, don't you? The guys whose biggest role was Mary Popp.

I mean, for Christ's sake, even Giuliani did SNL, Mike. Meanwhile, the Ayatollah over there is training six-year-old kids to cut off heads. We've got a guy running for president. Fucking kicked ass on the Mary Poppins show. Oh, God. Anyways, he says, and back in form of Vice President Bloomberg, says, I've known Joe for a very long time.

I know his decency, his honesty, and his bowel and bladder problems and his commitment to the issues that are so important to our country, including gun safety, health care, climate change, good jobs, taking away delicious sugary drinks. I mean, he's got it all. I'm fucking burning up. I'm not going to go get a corona test.

Now, where do you do that? At a Mexican bar? Like we said, every time somebody throws up, a Chinaman gets his line. They're killed, by the way. What was that last week in Chicago? Working like it was in 1988. We skipped over Biden's victory speech. Oh, all right, Raz.

Go ahead. You're the producer. That's Bernie. I thought we played it before the show. Did we skip this? Oh, here's Biden. Celebrating at home. Here's Uncle Joe.

Here he is again. There you go that's who you voted for you think SNL had fun with Gerald Ford Gerald Ford was known for tripping and falling and ironically he was a all American football player at Michigan

but he was known for his clumsiness and fucking Biden it's a matter of time same with Bernie. Do you guys, they're not even that healthy. Trump eats McDonald's every day of his life. Fucking works 18 hour days,

takes massive elephant dumps while he's tweeting. These guys are fragile. Trump's just never had a drink in his life. That's the only thing I don't like about him. I don't trust anybody that doesn't like alcohol, cocaine, and whores. What? You heard me. Here's why I love Trump and why people hate him. And why anybody who tried to talk him out of using Twitter, I want shot on site.

Just kidding everybody. Oh my God, I'm burning up. I'm telling you. You know, there's an Asian guy that just brought pizza into the office across the hall. He walked by me and went like this. Oh, you don't do that. I said, shut up, man. I don't know where you've been.

Jason, what are you doing? Talking to your girlfriend? What are you doing? He's producing. I forgot how good Jason actually paid attention. I'd look over and Rich Wood would be asleep, remember? No, Rich is great. Rich, how you doing, buddy?

How's things at Mazda Savannah slash Arby's funeral shift? Did you see this? This is hilarious. This is why I love Trump, and he's getting more comfortable as the commander and comedian-in-chief, and you're going to say, well, this isn't president. No, this is why I voted for him. He's just like us. He's a ball buster. He loves to pile on.

In a video that went viral Tuesday, Bloomberg, White House hopeful, was caught manhandling a slice of pizza. All the other nominees worry about getting busted for manhandling their girlfriends and mistresses, and this guy's finger-fucking-a meat lovers. He got caught manhandling a pizza at a campaign stop, putting it back in the box, then licking his finger. This is why people don't want to run, folks. I mean, Jesus, your every move. Watch this. Oh, this is delicious. Jesus. He tears the crust off, puts back a piece after touching it.

Now, here's where he loses. No heterosexual guy licks his fingers like that. Oh, look at this. It's like the Zapruder film. Let's take another look. Mike. Oh, this is delicious. I know they, oh, good. Oh my goodness. Ecstasy. He licks his finger. Then he touches like a coffee thing after he's trying to spread the coronavirus. How funny is that? Trump took notice of this stuff which means trump's really busy today what's he watching tv like me that's why i like him

uh trump tweeted the video and he says mini mike don't lick your fingers both unsanitary and dangerous to others and yourself. I fucking love Trump. He then pops part of this, oh, we talked about it, puts part in his mouth, puts back the other. To make things worse, Bloomberg then used the same hand

to touch the top of what appears to be a communal container of coffee. Excuse me. Just before the clip cuts out and his campaign manager was yelling at him backstage. Get this through your head, you. Get this through your head,

you Jew motherfucker, you. There's something, can I be honest? There's something I like about Bloomberg. I lived in New York when he was mayor and shit. I mean, he did.'s something I, I, can I be honest? I kind of, there's something I like about Bloomberg. I lived in New York when he was mayor and shit. And I mean, you know, he did, he did a good job, but, uh, I need a guy. I need a type A. If you're going to be dealing with Kim Jong-un to the world and the fucking crazy Iranians,

I need a fucking alpha male bully to go, fuck you. And that's why I laugh. I watch these democratic candidates going, we've finally regained spect around the world, you know. And then Trump comes in and we lose it all. What? You got that backwards.

Obama went around the world, apologized to everybody. It was the first thing he did. And Trump's sitting at home going, what the fuck? China's been fucking us in the ass for the last 30 years. The Middle East is a mess.

So I don't know what you're talking about. All this shit rings hollow when they go, you know, the economy, we're going to, you know, bring back union. People are happy. Sorry, every poll I read, wages are going up. So we'll see. But again, the X factor, folks,

I've been saying this for a long time, is Google, the X factor, folks, I've been saying this for a long time, is Google, big tech companies suppressing people who lean right in their politics and they control all the information and a lot of people base their votes on what's on the Internet. And that's a huge factor. Okay, I think I'm up to 102 now. Dehydrated. Anybody got some Gatorade up in his mother book? Tom Brady.

This is interesting. Let's switch you some sports. We're seeing licking Mayor Bloomberg's fingers. And a sign he might go to the Jets. No. This is very interesting. We don't do much sports here, but go to the Jets. No. This is very interesting. We don't do much sports here, but it's the Patriots.

It's the greatest player, the GOAT of all time, my hometown. Tom Brady to the 49ers. Jimmy Garoppolo back to the Patriots. Talk about a whopper with cheese and onions in the world. There's been grown speculation this fantasy scenario could happen. With the buzz hitting a fever pitch on tuesday thanks to all types of reporting in conjecture from multiple outlets tom curran of nbc sports boston oh he's terrific said during a serious xm nfl radio interview he thought the 49ers were and this is in quotes closing hard on the on the outside i i don't know what that means but don't

give me that smart outalecky shit. That would be a fucking defensive metaphor, you cheesy dick. But forget good friend Mike Vabrel and the Titans for a minute. If the Niners' interest is mutual and real, which appears the case on both sides, they are the greatest threat to law Brady away from New England.

And it makes sense. Here's my thing. I'm hoping Bill Belichick is supposed to reach out to Brady soon to have a discussion. I don't know why we have to wait for that. I think the guy who writes the checks, Robert Kraft, should just sit back, let all the other teams fight over Brady, right, see what the highest bid is, and then come in and give him a dollar more

and say, this is your home. You built a diet. How can you let this guy go? But it happens all the time. Montana didn't end up in San Francisco. Joe Namath went to the Rams. It happens all the time. It'll break my goddamn heart. But I would like to see Brady, if he doesn't go back to the Pats. And I blame this on goddamn Robert Kraft, even though how can you argue with his success? Why wouldn't you give Brady all the weapons? Even when we won Super Bowls, we didn't have big names. We turned Wes Welker into a big name.

You know, we got Randy Moss one year. That was it. And last year was an embarrassment. You could tell two games in that these receivers were dog shit. Why would you do that to Brady? This guy has deferred money so you can spend it in other places. He's done everything. Why wouldn't you? I'd go get Antonio Brown

out of jail right now. And I'd fucking make him jizz into a cup for future Patriots teams. But why wouldn't you load him up with every... Come on, Kraft. You're a billionaire. Write some checks brady deserves it

anyways between having a roster that was close to winning a super bowl last month having cap maneuverability if gm john lynch doesn't pick up grapple his option in april and brady's local roots he always talks about how much he loves his family growing up in the bay area san fran would be in the driver's seat to land the six-time Super Bowl. It's kind of hard to argue with that. If that's a fact, tell me, am I lying? That's not to say the Pats are out of the mix. They're in consideration, provided Belichick finally reaches out to Brady about the nitty-gritty of a new contract and his plans for the offense going forward.

So, when are we going to have that conversation, Bill? I guess that's what they're doing. They're waiting. Let other people show their cards. And then you better get in there, Mr. Belichick, and go, look, I talked to Robert Kraft, and we're going to fucking load up on receivers. And Tom is going, how do you do that? And he goes, I don't know.

We'll figure it out. And then he'll go out there on the first day, and there'll be two high school kids, white and slow. No. Anyways, there's no question if the Niners map out a plan for Brady and how he could get them over the final hurdle, it would be appealing to Tom Brady, which is true. 49ers have some great receivers.

At the NFL Combine last week, Niners brass didn't seem to have an issue going forward with Garoppolo, but failing to deliver in the final moment of the Super Bowl and the team's ability to cut bait before April 1st, when Garoppolo's $15.7 million salary would become guaranteed, has ramped up speculation on the San Fran making a move for Brady. If the 49ers trade Jimmy G before April 1st, they'd only get hit with a cap charge of $4.2 million.

I hate this shit. Thanks to a low signing bonus. They would also free up $22.4 million in cap space. Anyways, it wouldn't be the first time. John Lynch, who's the GM for the 49ers, loves Tom Brady. It's no secret. He's always been a huge fan. And as far as head coach Kyle Shanahan, he saw Brady wipe out a 28-3 lead

because Shanahan was the, remember, coach of the Falcons at the time? Was he the coach of the falcons at the time was he the coach of the oc whatever anyways that still sticks in his crotch that's the falcons sorry georgie my home state but gotta love that one garoppolo had a chance to put the 49 is ahead late in the fourth quarter of the last Super Bowl and he couldn't make it happen. From Brady's perspective,

he'd be looking at a team with a top-notch defense and the type of play. Well, it wasn't the defense wasn't any better than the Patriots last year. Playmakers, he's been yearning to have New England. So that's the key. He's looking at better receivers. Anyways. Is that how it works, though?

Garoppolo was really his first full year in San Francisco, a second, and he comes this close to winning, and that's not, you know. So I don't understand the 49ers. Let's get the 43-year-old in here. I know you want to win now, but then what's the future? Garoppolo, if you guys don't know and you're on Patriots, Vince, he was Brady's backup for like four or five years. So this is very weird, but would be really, I mean, what do you,

you know what I mean? The 49ers get Brady. He's like Joe Biden two years. Anyways, let's talk about the sniffles I have. And I got it for having some poodle at China Gardens in Athens. Let me put on my Chinese glasses. In Corona news. I kill you. I kill you right now. Kill me.

I'm right here. Kill me. Okay, I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks? Come over here. Talk to me in the face. Like a somebody. I love you got a Chinese, a guy with a heavy Chinese accent saying a motherfucker. Oh my God. What a country. I love this place. Oh my god, what a country. I love this place top Chinese minister

Is predicting victory whereas you're supposed to play something you didn't play How the chicken wings? These guys, this is in the United frequent flyer lounge. Okay. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen. Anyways, top Chinese minister is predicting victory over the coronavirus. They're going to try to get a hold of Tom Brady.

And what? Well, their current quarterback is 4'1". No, this is why they're getting positive about it. The new number of outbreaks in China, this hit a six-week low. We're down to 72,400,000 babies throwing up blood. this hit a six-week low. We're down to 72,400,000 babies throwing up blood. The country's health ministry announced Tuesday that just 125 new corona cases have been detected over the past 24 hours, the lowest number since authorities started publishing nationwide. In the infections epicenter, Hubei province, where I have a three-bedroom and a 14-bathroom,

I'll use that joke again. Thank you very much. Another 31 deaths were reported. Yeah, it sounds like you really got your hands all over it. In a total, 80,151 people have contracted the infection in China, and 2,943 have died, leaving 66 trillion Chinese left. The country's UN ambassador said late Monday that victory over the virus doesn't seem too far behind. Let's take a listen. China's fight against the coronavirus is indeed making huge progress and the situation is really becoming stable. I tell you I... The situation is really becoming stable. I kill you.

And the situation is developing towards the right direction. And the situation is really getting better and better. It's getting better and better. Was that the only guy who does heroin in Chinatown? Holy shit, was he relaxed. Last night, I have two poo-poo platter. I only throw up a little bit. The situation is... The situation.

I kill you. I kill you right now. Kill me. I'm right here. Kill me. Okay, I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks?

Come over here. Come over here. Nick, that's just racist, silly shit. Yeah, I'm keeping it alive for the people who enjoy it. All right? It's a free country, and I don't mean China. Meanwhile, the situation in South Korea is growing increasingly dire. Why is that?

The country saw its largest daily increase in new cases Tuesday with 851 new infections reported. After a bunch of people shared a vat of bat soup with crazy straws, the majority in and around the city of Daegu, again, another place where I have a summer home. Christ, this isn't looking good. A total of 5,186 people in South Korea have tested positive for the virus. In Iran, where 2,300 people have fallen ill and 77 have died, nobody cares. Who gives a rat's ass? Listen to how they, listen how do they battle it in Iran?

The Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the armed forces to help health officials combat the outbreak. Now, let's figure out what that means. You know, anytime somebody coughs or sniffs, they take them out, shoot them in the head behind their house.

What do you need the military to battle you? But you Democrats, you keep those borders open. You keep those borders wide open. You called Trump a fucking racist about a month and a half ago when he limited flights when people first started talking about this. But once again,

you're wrong, and now you're using this silly you're trying to tank the economy by fucking flooding the airwaves with this is trump's fault keep it up you're doing well get adam shift back in the game where's he haven't seen that little douchebag in a few minutes have we in japan officials continue to grapple tuesday with whether olympics uh the summer olympics set supposed to happen in july July could go on a schedule. Nobody gives a shit.

Nobody cares a fuck. What if I get a guy throwing a javelin and he's got a snot bubble? I don't care. Nobody cares. But apparently, look, you got Japan,

South Korea, and China. You guys have to change your diets. Enough of the German shepherd meat and the fucking Cocker Spaniel and the bat soup. Can we start shipping some fucking protein bars over there? Have Tony Little do a commercial and that fucking guy with the ponytail? Why I brought him, I have no idea. All I can say, folks, is I flew and I saw, like I told you, I saw no masks on the way to Chicago. Not in the Chicago, oh, here airport, which is a zillion people. I didn't see them. On the way

back, I saw three or four and they said Bernie for president. So what does that tell you? I wore a mask. That's what I wore. People, it affects your eyes and your teeth when you get the coronavirus. Notice my head on the airplane pillow so I can hand that to somebody else. All right, let's move on. It looks like Kathy Griffin on a good day. A lot of people go, Nick, how'd you become a comedian? Well, I got my first laugh, and I'm not making this up. I got my first laughs in third and fourth grade.

I used to murder with a Donald Duck impression. And I thought, you know, I was like, what am I, eight years old in fourth grade, something like that, or 10, 28. What the fuck, you start at six, seven. I don't know, I was 10 or whatever. But I just have to show this clip to lighten it up. And since we're talking about coronavirus

and bat soup and all that shit. Raz, where you going? Can you wait for me? Fucking Jesus. What, are you going to a meeting? Tony Robbins today? Raz has already got his foot out the door. Jason, don't move.

Raz says, look, I just talked to Snoop's people. They're doing a fucking reality show on VH11. And they want me to do the sound uh check out this little girl in a supermarket's Donald Duck impression oh my god this made me laugh is that her is that her? I can't tell. Jason, you're an expert. Are they dubbing that in? She's really doing that? That might be her dad holding the camera. That's what I'm saying, Raz. But I don't think so.

They wouldn't use a little kid to go viral, would they? You fucking filthy parents. Setting her up. Now she's going to be assed, this little girl, in pre-K. The next five years, do Donald Duck. She ain't going to have shit. I want to hear it again. Then I'm going to kidnap her.

Oh, that's the father, you asshole. Yeah, excellent. Congratulations. You used a kid to go viral, you filthy, rotten. Oh, God. Shut it. oh good shut it fuck it's hotter than a witch's tit up in his mother anyways I thought that girl was cute you'll probably see her on

the investigative network missing in two years because her parents are fucking using her I murdered with my Donald I used to do him fuck and I got I murdered with Mike Donald. I used to do him. Fuck, and I got laid.

Fourth, fifth grade. The broads are lining up. This guy's a bunny mother. And then I'd do my papa. You got nice tits. Wow. I mean, I was fucking killing, man. Little did I know it, I'd end up in a fucking office with Raz,

making 11 bucks a week. But listen. Look at Jason looking at me. Still no sense of humor. Westchester ruined you people. The fuck? Everything have to be an A joke? Come on, Jason.

I'm kidding. Jason's running the board tomorrow. We're glad to have him. What's the other kid that used to work? Ryan? Now, what's... Last I heard, he was blowing people under a bridge in the Queens area. Yeah, he's getting a steady IT work in the city now. Steady IT work? On top of the blowjobs. Yeah. Steady IT work. This is Ryan. This kid couldn't work on his own email, but it's good to know he's on it. Last word that

comes to mind with him is steady. So yeah. And you still talk like a little girl. Can you speak up? It's the last thing that comes to mind with him is steady, so yeah. And you still talk like a little girl. Can you speak up? It's the last thing that comes to mind with him. Same tone. Go ahead. I don't want to now. Nothing's changed, Jason. You're still getting bully. This is one that hits home with actually Ryan,

because he was like bisexual, I think. Seemed it. I mean, he used to come in in a fucking pump someday and tight miniskirt. But this looks really interesting to me. Corey Feldman. There's the most normal picture. Leave it there, Raz.

Don't move it yet. He says his life is in danger over a documentary that he's doing exposing Hollywood abusers. You know, him and another Corey were raped. And a lot of this pedophilia shit went on in Hollywood. It's kind of, Hollywood's a sewer, folks. I didn't know. I wouldn't have gone on Grace Under Fire if I knew kids were getting raped and shit. I only had to blow like two guys and I get like six lines.

I thought it was worth it. It really sprung my career forward. Anyways, yeah, he's about to blow the whistle on these filthy pedophiles hey little boy do you want some candy sure what do you got twix he arrived at the wendy williams show and she's the reason people molest kids is wendy williams a real woman she looks like a tight end for the fucking eagles man don't she he and so he went to her show with security detail said his life has been threatened since working on his documentary here's the trailer of the uh documentary he's gonna put out

okay we talked about the pause there's no doubt he was raped just look at his outfit why is his body so small oh my god he's got like that's like a 12 year old girl's shoulders then he's got Elvis's giant head this poor bastard look how tiny his body is compared to his head.

He drug, obviously, and alcohol problems. Go ahead. Call, and hear interpretation of that 911 call, okay? I want to play it. You can hit play on this, okay? If you've heard the whole thing

or whatever, just hit play whenever you're ready. This is Jason talking about working here. It's like Charlie Sheen. the cheap. Cue the tear dripping down the cheap. Tell me who he goes Al Gore what

pause first thing I do is look for guys who love the name cory this is fucking huge and he says that he i'll read what he says here um my truth rape two corys uh covers the experience of him and his best friend uh the late cory haim we had both been molested as children. He was raped physically. I was raped emotionally. I was molested, he told Williams. Feldman has never named his or Haim's abusers,

but promised to expose them in the documentary. I am saying every name that affected our lives, and we have victims talking about their experiences. The one main name that everyone is waiting to hear, it is a name that everybody on the planet knows. Guys, you want to take a guess? Nick DiPaolo. What the fuck?

I never... I'd be the first one ruled out to look at my resume, what I did in Hollywood, and go, this guy had no power. Wasn't fucking girls, anybody. Nick DiPaolo. Thanks, Russ. I think it's going to be Bob Barker. Complete fucking somebody that you don't, you know.

Turns out it was Jim Backus who played Thurston Howell III. Yes, he was still alive then. Williams was then silent for an awkward 15 seconds. Williams said, you're speechless, and I'm a six-foot-eight black woman with huge hands. I've never seen you speechless. It's scary. It's very scary.

Williams replied, I'm frightened for you. You've only got you and your wife against the world, and what's with the tiny little shoulders? Yeah, look, make Michael J. Fox look like a nose tackle from the University of Texas. Feldman said he funded the documentary himself after streaming services turned him down. And he'll premiere it on his website on, what, next Monday? Holy shit. That should be interesting, right?

I know a thing or two about a thing or two. I guess the fuck you do. Now, I heard, and I'm not saying, I'm just saying, you've heard names thrown around. You know, he was raped like in a hot tub at a Hollywood party when he was a kid. And they mentioned like Charlie Sheen was there and shit, you know. But I'm not, I'm just saying this is other shit that has come out. You know, which,'m not, I'm not, I'm just saying this is other shit that has come out, you know, which I don't know.

But a lot of people, it's like a dirty secret about Hollywood. There's a theory out there that Hollywood was started by like a pedophilia ring for rich old men to meet young boy. That's a theory that somebody floated out there. You know who that was? Bob Denver, the guy that played Gilligan. He... What? But no, that's an actual theory, so it's kind of creepy.

And are you dying to find out the big name? Anybody? God. God, let it be Eve Plum. Eve Plum. Eve Plum. I think that's enough. I'm burning up.

I really am. Maybe it's because I had five slices of pizza last night at about midnight and drank maybe an ounce of water. You think I might have something to do with it? Anybody? Thanks for providing the energy. I got two people here. It's like a fucking cancer benefit. That's it, ladies and gentlemen, for today.

Again, go to nickdip.com if you would like to make a contribution. Yes, sir. We've got a question. We've got to do a question. No, we didn't. You did. Raz, what's this fucking we shit? You got a fucking mouse in your pocket?

We forgot a question. Boy, did he learn quick. Okay, question. Here's a question. Dave W. playing on Texas. Why in the world does Bernie Sanders advocate democratic socialism? He has not noticed that socialism has not been a historically healthy place

for Jewish folk. Well, he's not overly religious. He doesn't really give a shit. These far left wingers, Dave, you realize there's people who are like far left Jewish people who are like, I'm a pro-Palestinian. But there's no such,

first of all, there's no such thing as democratic socialism. Bernie came up with that. You're either a fucking socialist or you're not, okay? He doesn't give a shit. It's all about power. That's all it's about. He'll go where the votes are, but socialism hasn't just been bad for Jewish people. He doesn't give a fuck, like I said. I don't think he's overly religious, but yeah, I mean, socialism in general hasn't been too good for anybody. He doesn't give a fuck, like I said. I don't think he's overly religious. But, I mean, socialism in general hasn't been too good for anybody. Again, if you want to fight other people at the zebra cage at the zoo for dinner,

again, check out Venezuela. Fucking read up on, you know, fucking Marx and Lenin and the whole thing. It's just never really worked. And that's that. Anyhow, what was I talking about donations nickdip.com what else

this show is too fucking long Patreon if you want to sign up you have access to 300 archive shows and you get an extra segment of news which I'm about to do once these cameras go off you get to ask me questions that is it you guys think it I will say segment of news, which I'm about to do once these cameras go off. You get to ask me questions. That is it. You guys think it, I will say it. You are very welcome. We'll see you back here tomorrow. Thanks. guitar solo I'm out.