The Nick DiPaolo Show - Brand Vs. MSNBC | Nick Di Paolo Show #1365

Episode Date: March 7, 2023

Russell Brand Calls Out MSNBC. Former UK Health Minister Busted. Woman Pees a Hundred Times a Day. Just "Plane" Tired.   Join Nick for bonus content at Patreon! www.patreon.com/thenickdipaoloshow Go see Nick on the road! www.nickdip.com/tour for tickets!

🎵 Hello. Hi. How are you? I'm practicing my ventriloquism. How are you doing? Hey, Dallas. Did you have a good weekend? I heard you had a good time.

Folks, how are you? It's Tuesday. It's Tuesday. What's going on? I forgot yesterday to mention I paid 80 bucks to watch UFC, and I fucking loved it. I'm such a lazy person. I watched every prelim fight, then the undercard, then the main card. Loved every one of them.

There's hardly any boring fights anymore, ever. I'm sure you people out there, some of my fans do it too. And it was Gane, big brother from fucking Paris, who I've seen maul some people, versus John Bones Jones, who they say is the greatest to ever do it.

His brother played for the Patriots. Remember Chandler Jones? He was there. He got a couple rings with Belichick. And they're from the Syracuse area, Rochester, up north, wherever the fuck, New York. And the thing about John Jones, he's got normal physique and men's thighs, but it stops at his knees.

And I'm not exaggerating. I should have pulled a picture up. He has no calf muscles. He's got the legs of a 12- old girl from the knees it is the weirdest dallas when i say no cow i mean no it's fucking odd it looks weird and every time he throws a kick i'm like this his legs gonna snap off there's nothing there yet he's the baddest man in the history of the sport you got you guys who follow it know that he could they busted him for performance enhancing drugs once so they took i think they took the belt whatever then he got bused to a coke just a brother having fun but what a fucking badass

but likable you know when he talks he talks and but he took on this Gane. I think the fight went about a minute. A minute. That's why they give you the undercard. The undercard was too broad. The co-main event was a Russian broad who hasn't lost in forever

against this girl. What was her name? Fuck. Was it Grasso? From Mexico. And she actually looks like a woman. Kind of thick, but kind of cute. Anyways, big underdog, the Mexican. Because this woman hasn't lost in forever.

And guess what? It was a way better fight than the main thing. So one thing I like about this sport, I'm not saying that women could fight a guy, but I'm saying when they fight each other, it's really entertaining because they fucking kill each other. I have all kinds of fantasies while I'm watching. That's me punching her.

No. I'm kidding. Anyways, this Grasso, I think she's losing the fight. I don't know. They go five rounds in a championship fight. I think the fourth or fifth. I don't know. All of five rounds in a championship fight. I think the fourth or fifth, I don't know.

All of a sudden, this girl, the Russian goes to throw a kick, this chick, and ends up with her back to the Mexican for like one second. She jumped on her and got her in some fucking kind of chokehold. Fight over. Choke the shit out of her. Man, I'd like to have her do that to me. Yeah, Mexico. She steals the belt.

And I was hoping. Anyway, so, and the other fights are great. Any fighter that has OV at the end of his name, from, you know, Shidistan, Kyrgyzstan, Jakovstan, any of those fighters, most, they are killers. I don't know why they're so good at this but there was one

fucking who was he fighting I don't know black dude can't remember his name great fight I mean pounded each other but of course the Mongolian comes through he's got a chin like a fucking this black dude was popping him good

it was fucking great i'll spend that money every time man anyhow it was between that and you know what golf on mbc which uh yeah i know my family my brothers and sisters and mom they eat it up my brother plays i mean i would get it you know i get sucked there when tygo was there for a few, you know, when he was such a phenomenon, but after that, I don't know. That's about it. Thanks for the guitar tips. Somebody, one of my fans wrote in telling me how to get the f chord down and the c, and I said, can you teach me the U and the K so I can finish this key and fuck? So depressing to put on these young kids and these broads online. They're like in their 20s. They put on like hardly, they're in a bra almost and panties. And they're playing,

you know, fucking Van Halenen that's not too hot is it okay nick grow up shut up i like snatch speaking of snatch russell brand who i've come to really like you know it's a comic fine whatever um i think he was married to katie perry is that her name? Katy Perry? Yeah. She's one of the judges that's on American Idol. She's just a so hostile. I don't know what her

problem is. I just don't. She's fucking horrible. Anyways, this guy, Russell Brand, famous comedian. I'm sure he made a ton over there. He was on Bill Maher. Russell Brand blasted leftist news network MSNBC for its propagandist nutcrackery. That's in quotes. In a searing rant on Saturday, which has gone viral.

And, you know, Bill Maher's finally coming around. I swear to God. Well, he had Gutfeld. We talked about Gutfeld on his show, so I knew he was watching Gutfeld. And it woke him up a little through the pot fucking. But Russell Brand ripped into this jerk off John Heilman from MSNBC. I enjoyed it thoroughly. But I didn't agree with everything Russell Brand said.

And I'll tell you why. Let's watch. I'll break this down. This clip's about two minutes, so we'll play it a little. And I'll tell you why. Let's watch. I'll break this down. This clip's about two minutes. So we'll play it a little. And I'll tell you when to stop. Let's roll it. It's ingenuous to claim that the biases that are exhibited on Fox News are any different from the biases exhibited on MSNBC.

It's difficult to suggest that these corporations operate as anything other than mouthpieces for their affiliate owners in BlackRock and Vanguard and Leslie stop. And he's right. Look, they're corporate entities. There's no doubt about that. But where I disagree is comparing MSNBC to Fox News. That's, you know what I mean? It's like you're trying to compare two crazy people and you compare like Charlie Manson to, I don't know, can you help me? To Dallas. Bruce Willis. To Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis, who has an affliction.

But yes. No, but that's my point. My point is, and they both, he's right about corporate you know, about corporate news, bought and paid for, all that. I get that. But you can't tell me that the biases on Fox is half as nefarious as what they do on MSNBC. It's just not a fair comparison. You know what I mean? And that's what they always do when you argue with lefties.

Well, Fox is no different than CNN. Really? And my argument to that is, why has Fox been burying everybody in the ratings? And people go, well, what's that got to do? Well, people wouldn't come back to watch it if they were wrong about a lot of shit. And I'm not trying to be a total pundit for Fox. I understand. I understand, you know, that it's a corporation.

But to compare those is just, to me, apples and oranges. Go ahead. To embrace. And also, mate, like just spiritually, if I may use that word in your great country, we have to take responsibility for our own perspective. I've been on that MSNBC, mate. It was propagandist nutcrackery. Nutcrackery.

And this is how you think, how you know things are changing a little bit. When he, you know, he said they're both full of shit. I don't think it's a true, it's one of these equivalency things. I think MSNBC is way more propaganda. I don't even think Russell realizes that MSNBC, ABC, CBS,

they're a mouthpiece for the Democrat Party. And you could say, well, Fox is a mouthpiece for the Republican Party. But Fox is just one, number one, is just one network. And MSNBC, CNN, this is the biggest point he didn't bring up. This guy asked him for examples. He goes, I want an example of where, where, give me some example,

some actual proof where MSNBC lied about something. And I think he mentioned, I think he might've mentioned Joe Rogan and, well, yeah, Ivermectin as an example. But I would've went with the whole fucking, you had big examples. How about Trump being a fucking, Trump being a Russian agent?

And the whole Comey thing went on for, what, three years? And the Hunter Biden story. Hunter Biden, that's the election, but I'm just saying, yeah, Hunter Biden, all that. I mean, he had plenty of examples. And I would have just said, now show me, Mr. Heilman, show me an example where Fox did something that nefarious on that scale and pushed a lie for three and a half, four years. You know what I mean? So he was kind of right, but I was going to say,

when he got a round of applause, when he said, you know, you can't be throwing stones at Fox when you do this thing, and he got a round of applause on Bill Maher's show. You know things have changed a little bit, right? The popular podcaster was met with wild applause on Bill Maher's Saturday when he accused fellow guest Howman, a political analyst for MSNBC and NBC, of hypocrisy for attacking him. I love why he went right at him, you know? He's like, fucking put Put him up! Put him up!

Brand then recalled his 2013 appearance on Morning Joe, which previously went viral. It was so funny. He goes, there was no guy named Joe there. It wasn't in the morning. He goes, is this what you do for a living? He mocked the interviewers on Morning Joe, asking, what's wrong with your manners?

God bless him. On Saturday, he told Howman that it was absurd the way they carried on at Morning Joe. Defending his network, Howman asked for a specific example of a MSNBC correspondent or anchor being on television saying something they knew was false. Are you shitting me? Brand noted the ludicrous, outrageous criticism of Joe Rogan around ivermectin

and deliberately referring to it as a horse medicine when they know this is an effective medicine and that was a fucking huge lie and uh what of rachel maddow uh turning up on tv saying if you take this vaccine you're not gonna get it meaning covid when it hadn't been clinically trialed for transmission he asked and he like we just said, there's a million other examples. The election. You have to listen, Brandt told Hyman, with one clip viewed nearly 12 million times on Twitter. Do you think you can improve America by determinedly and avowedly condemning Fox News

without acknowledging that you're participating in the same game? It's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. All great questions. How many times more do we got to say it? Right? So good for Russell. Let's move on to story number two more evidence the pandemic was orchestrated horseshit I mean it actually existed but as far as where it came from and who hid it it's all out in the open now yet I still see jerk-offs with masks on like at the hospital and why the supermarket why Publix when I go in there black people I want to shake you and you're not just black people.

I'll be honest. But more black people have them on. But worse, why in your fucking car? Oh, you know, it's dangerous in the car. A lot of shit going on. I don't, it doesn't matter. It's just as stupid to wear in a supermarket. They don't work.

They don't fucking work, period. Explosive work, period. Ugh. Explosive text messages. Glad I broke that down into two. Explosive text messages published on Sunday show a top British official colluded to, and this is in quotes, frighten the pants off everyone about COVID-19 variants to force compliance with pandemic restrictions. You listening? Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks. You got that?

Who did he say that to? Less than a week before the British government withdrew plans to relax restrictions for Christmas in 2020, Matt Hancock, who at, rightly named, who at the time served as the British health secretary, asked an aide when they, when they get this in quotes, when they should deploy the new variant. The minute it happened, we were over here going, oh yeah, right, here comes another one. Remember? Turns out we're right about everything. On December 13th of 2020, Hancock and aide Damon Poole were discussing the possibility of London Mayor Sadiq Khan opposing a lockdown for London and how to encourage compliance with restrictions. Rather than, this is in quotes,

rather than doing too much forward signaling, we can roll pitch, kind of an English phrase, with new strain, Poole told Hancock. So they're planning on releasing it. Hancock responded,

we frighten the pants off everyone with a new strain. You pompous, You fucking believe this? cock-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerk, scumbag, fuck-faced, dickhead, asshole! Yep, that's what will get proper behavior change, Poole agreed. So they're agreeing to scare the shit out of the public.

Why aren't these guys hung from a lamp both? Shockingly, the health minister then asked, when do we deploy the new variant? Evil motherfuckers. Think about all the damage it did to kids. And Poole responded that he had been thinking about this and advised Hancock that they needed to be more cautious. We're slipping up. Suggesting they keep schools off paperwork slash agenda, perhaps referring to not applying new restrictions to schools. The day after those messages were exchanged, get this, Hancock announced new lockdown measures justified by, you guessed it, a new alleged variant, COVID-19. What a scumbuck. You're a real crumbum.

You fuckstang. The alarming messages were revealed in more than 100,000 WhatsApp messages obtained and published by The Telegraph. That's the paper over there. I could go on, but I think you get the gist of it. Huh? Think Fauci's the only scumbag in this?

They're at a different level of crime that I'm not even smart enough to be involved in. That's what pisses me off. I want to see what Fauci made. But now what happens? We have hard, cold evidence. Anything going to happen to these people? Whatsoever, even in England? Yeah, he'll become prime minister, whatever the fuck they call it.

Insane. So that's a couple stories in the last days that we had texts. Fauci approving that paper, saying it might have come from animals, and then acting like he had no idea who the authors were. That's in emails. Now we've got this dickhead. What happened to Nuremberg, that type of shit?

Hey, here's a story for you. It's called P-Time, kids. Just pretend I'm a drag queen. I look like a dyke from Italy. A court has recommended that a former patient at a woman's clinic receive $460,000 in compensation after an alleged mistake by a doctor during her delivery caused her to urinate more than 100 times per day. And that turns me on. I don't know why.

That's the camera I have in the bathroom downstairs at my house. That's a neighbor, Shannon, who came over and had to go pee-pee. Then I opened the door and she noticed the camera went... Then I opened the door, and she noticed the camera went... I said, hey, yummy, yummy, yummy. Aren't you German? What a stream she had. Julia A., an ex-patient who underwent forceps delivery. Put that, there you go.

Very good, Dallas. I like this. I want to tell you guys, like, you're going to learn a fact about showbiz about a famous person. See that? Sylvester Stallone, you know how he's got the droopy mouth and eyes? Forceps, when he was born. I've read that many times.

That's why his face got paralyzed. Imagine the doctor was probably, come out of there. Fucking, like the guy trying to get my tooth out. He's got both his knees on my chest. Look at him, he's squashing his little face. Anyways, those are forceps. I use them to pick up corn on the cob. Thank you, thank you very much.

Thank you. Anyways. I wonder how that hurt her bladder. Anyways, she underwent a forceps delivery at a private clinic. It wasn't really a clinic. It was actually a Dunkin' Donuts in Everett, Mass. Just called Dunkin' now. In Belfield, Germany. Has been dealing with acute incontinence ever since. She said 100 times a day.

She thinks that bad. Wait till you get a big prostate like me. Up at 100 times a minute. I'm up in the middle of the night looking out the window like a serial killer. Anyways, not that bad. I have a bad habit of drinking a lot of shit right before i go to bed always do it uh julia claims that her doctor gave her too much anesthesia forcing her to

undergo a dangerous birthing procedure despite the hospital reportedly submitting falsified medical records oh the belfeld Regional Court dismissed the woman's complaint against the clinic. You are an idiot. You have no case. The literature student has now filed an appeal with Ham Higher Regional Court in an effort to obtain justice. She says, I no longer have a normal life. I piss like Seattle's slew in the fifth. Ah! She was given an epidural anesthesia for the agony. Oh, come on, you're pushing out a baby. Try taking a dump after 400 sandwiches,

which completely halted the contractions, but she claims the dosage was too excessive, she says. Yeah, but do we know that's what it would do? Does any doctor weigh in on her theory? Julia claims that after the birth she has had to use the restroom up to 100 times daily and experiences severe sleep deprivation. Yeah, you're like a guy in his 30s and 50s with a bigger shroud eye.

She is unable to work and finds it difficult. She said one positive, she can water the garden four times a day. Good night, everybody. Finds it difficult to leave the house. Her two kids are frequently, well, just, I got one word for you, honey, catheter. At night, you plug that sucker in, run a hose to the house. Her two kids are frequently well just, I got one word for you honey, catheter. At night you plug that sucker

in, run a hose to the tub. Her two kids are frequently cared for by a government paid nanny when they want to visit the playground. Oh my god, this is kind of sad. Show us. The higher court has recommended that Julia get 300,000

euros, which is 460 grand settlement. And she says... Give me the money. Give me the fucking money. Change your voice. You hear me? I said come here, bust my body.

Give me the fucking money. We move on to a lady with a nice sense of humor. Just plain tired is the headline. Plain is P-L-A-N-E. Boy, I'm as clever as dog shit. If we're being... Every time I hit dog shit... This is how my mind works, folks. There was a guy named Magoo. We call him Magoo. He was a little, probably autistic, we don't know back then, a little lost, but he was the bat boy for the high school baseball team. And he was playing catch before the game and he got, knocked his tooth, like I did, and swallowed it. Then he gets on the

bus and we're all sitting there. It was right, yeah, it was before a road game. He gets on the bus after and he goes, I fucking swore on my toes. I got a baseball. I swore on the fucking thing. He goes, now I got to go home and find it. And Kevin Lawrence goes, that's right, my ghost. Show them what you made of spaghetti and dog shit. I don't know.

Just being mean to the kid. Show us what you made of spaghetti and dog shit. To this day, I hear dog shit. I hear Kevin Lawrence. Anyway, sorry, folks. I digress. If we're being totally honest, most of us aren't our most attractive while traveling. And why should we be? If you're going to spend most of your day, oh, what does this got to do with what happened? Are they already making excuses because she's a tub of butter? Is that what they're doing? You're going to spend most of your day in an airport and on a plane. You might as well be comfortable, not fashionable. Yeah, no, you're right.

I like seeing grown people in their pajamas, you fuck stain. How many guys have you seen wearing, like, fucking Knicks jerseys and Nike sneakers? You going to the gym or you going to fucking Toronto with me? You might as well be comfortable, not fashionable, said the third world pigs. Especially if you're planning on grabbing a much needed nap during the flight. Sound like you? Sound like you? You might want to use this TikTok video from at Kyle Filippi as a cautionary tale of what could happen when you fall asleep on a plane and the person you're with decides to use that moment to play a prank, albeit a hilarious one.

Who the fuck are you to say what's funny, whoever wrote this article? The only thing funny about this is the size of this Mama Luke. But I do like her. So this girl fell asleep, and her prankster friend, was it a woman?

Her friend was a woman. Yeah, yeah. Did this, took a piss or whatever. I thought she grabbed her ass or bitter boobs or some shit. Nothing. Anyways Is that a friend or just somebody else? Just somebody else. So a friend took a picture of it and did the old drop thing. What do you call it?

Airdrop. Airdrop. So everybody on the plane gets, I'm going to use that next when we fly Thursday. Wait till you see the whole plane and they see my ball sack. I'm going to draw a face on it with a Sharpie. But alright, let's show it again without the sound effect.

I like the girl. I'm glad she had a good sense of humor. She could have charged the cockpit. You just air-dried make sure he's sleeping. Look, her mouth's wide open. Look, her mouth's wide open. Oh, God.

Good for you, honey. You got a good sense of humor. Too bad you're going to lose it when your fucking plaque in your heart builds up by next Thursday. This poor woman fell asleep mid-flight. That's how you know it was a girl that did it. Because if that was a guy, he would have teabagged his friend. Not care who all the planes are. Anyway, she did that while she was asleep mid-flight, mouth wide open and everything. And not only did her travel partner decide to snap a picture,

but she also decided to airdrop it to everyone on the plane, strangers included, for her to discover when she woke up. Fortunately, she was really good sport about it and ordered two more sandwiches. And she was cracking up along with everyone else. We have to admit that this kind of thing

would totally make our day if we'd been on that flight. Yeah, but you don't mention the part about when she went home and hanged herself in the garage, and the rope broke, and she was fine. Good night, everybody. That's it. That was a good one, and then a light note, or a heavy one. Ha, ha, ha.

Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Ha, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. Don't forget to go to cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, go to cameo.com. Click on my profile. I'll tell you

how to fill it out and whatever. Anything else? Go to my site. Click on tour dates. Come out and see me. That is it. That's all I can think of. If you guys think I'll say it, you're very welcome. See you back here tomorrow. Have a good day, everybody. Hi.

Good night, everybody. guitar solo Outro Music