The Nick DiPaolo Show - British Miracle Man Survives Crash! | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1751

Episode Date: June 12, 2025

In this episode Nick talks about an Indian Crash, Alina Habba Hubba, Nicole Wallace, a Giant Shark, the Devil and the Dems Rogan Attacks! Watch Nick on the FREE RUMBLE LIVE LINEUP at 6pm ET https://rumble.com/TheNickDiPaoloShow TICKETS - Come see me LIVE! For tour dates and tickets -  https://nickdip.com MERCH - Grab some snazzy t-shirts, hats, hoodies,mugs, stickers etc. from our store! https://shop.nickdip.com/ SOCIALS/COMEDY-  Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy -  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

Picture this. You're halfway through a DIY car fix, tools scattered everywhere, and boom, you realize you're missing a part. It's okay, because you know whatever it is, it's on eBay. They've got everything. Brakes, headlights, cold air intakes, whatever you need. And it's guaranteed to fit, which means no more crossing your fingers and hoping you ordered the right thing. All the parts you need, at prices you'll love you'll love, guaranteed to fit every time. eBay, things people love. Welcome Welcome to the live lineup. The lineup is packed with great shows from 9 a.m. I say live lineup I'm talking rumble 9 a.m. these are live streaming shows to 7 p.m. Eastern Time like louder with Crowder at 11. Tim Poole, Vince and the Crucible with Andrew Wilson.

Thank you for all the raids Andrew. That's what they call when they hit a button and Andrew's fans come to my show. I don't know how. Crazy Japanese in the technology. Don't forget you can download the Rumble app and also subscribe to Rumble Premium to get all the shows ad free and get access to all Rumble Premium. Today, I'm going to be talking about we're going to be talking about that black female politician about a month ago when the when the New Jersey whatever Congress politician remember they they they went to some site and banged heads with ice They she got charged For that and and and a horrible plane crash in India

I mean it exploded they said everybody dead and then I'm reading about an hour ago, once survive. I don't know how that's possible. So we like to do light shit like I said. What else am I talking about Dallas? It's Trump. You've got Joe Rogan coming out about Spotify being talked to by presidents, a giant shark. Oh yeah, that's the one. All right, that's good. A great white. They found the greatest great white, I guess, they've ever found in North America or whatever. Was that a Sandals resort at the bar downstairs? Really out of its element. No, they tag these things and you're going to see this thing. It's right out of a Moby. So I tag these things and you're going to see this thing.

It's right out of a Moby. So I'll be talking about that and other deadly things. If you just run through somebody's face, a lot of people aren't going to be able to take that over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. That's what happens when your mother thinks skittles are nutritional food when you're a baby. That's what he, it was in a story, that's what his mother would give him. Skittles, like for lunch.

And you know what, who am I to talk? The guy ended up being a running back in the NFL. My mother was an idiot, giving me chicken and steak and protein and vegetables. What an ass. Fucking Skittles. Ah, the brothers, the brothers. Marshawn Lynch. Any other country, he'd be a janitor or in jail.

But no, they handed him fucking Doritos ads and you know. What a racist country, huh folks? Did you ever think of that? folks did you ever think of that did you once ever think of that I'm your older brother it's not the way pop one that's the way I want it I like I'm dumb I'm smart I want respect I want a ducking donuts. If you want to have a good laugh, and you've probably seen it, talked about it on the show before, my favorite sketch of all time, I swear to God, well, Peyton Manning on SNL in the locker room, he's on a basketball team, they're down by 70 points at halftime, and I forget the guy's name a regular on SNL's trying to he's the coach and he's trying to fire him up and he puts on the corniest fucking music you've ever heard and starts doing this to you guys and I can't find it I try to

look it up I don't know if it's cuz the music is flagged on it and he gets mad but I look over there I go well you put Dallas the same place. It's where he was before. And I go, who stares like this? Like a psycho the whole time. Anyways, look that up. That and it's tie. SNL, a couple years ago, Casey Affleck was hosted in the fucking Dunkin' Donuts commercial.

I don't know who wrote it. I showed you, didn't I? Look, Google that one, folks. You've probably all seen it. And you don't have to be a. I showed you tonight Look Google that one folks You're probably all seen it but and you don't have to be a Bostonian to find it fucking funny Starts fighting with his brother in Duncan thought they knock over shit. He goes he goes cut your nails mark He's got a cigarette out that his hands out the door The cigarettes out the door, but he's still in Dunkin Donuts the manager goes you can't I'm not smoking mark. I'm just Sorry folks

On Thursdays we try to lighten it up, you know between the abortion and fucking hostage situations dead kids Try to lighten it up a bit My my first story is about spatulas. Aren't they a silly instrument? What did I want to talk about? Hey, Red Sox. By the way, people requesting, and you in Dallas, you and I discussed this a couple times about they want me to do sports a sports show which I look I like the idea of but I'm it's gonna be very Boston centric which is fine cuz I can hate on the other teams I fucking hate basketball both college

and NBA so again I can be funny ripping that shit and why it sucks and why you people who watch it are fucking retarded I'm NASCAR and all that stuff. So yeah, if you want a bitter angle and a little bit, like I said, Boston-centric, we can do that. It's much easier to talk about than this fucking shit, but this is the shit that affects our lives. Celtics win or lose, it doesn't fuck me. Those people in the camera after they win a championship, Mike Donovan, you said, do a bit about it. All sports. He was so goddamn funny. He goes, after the game, you see, you know, after Celtics championship,

we're number one. No, they're number one. You're a fucking asshole. They don't even care about you. That was the joke. But yeah, we can consider that, I guess. You guys are going to pay me more. I don't even know how that works. Somebody said, oh, Jason said, do it while you're doing a bitch in kitchen. Talk sports while you're burning a chicken. I thought about that. Last night, Sox, Sox Tampa Bay. Sox take two out of three. A young

fellow by the name of Marcelo Meyer, who we brought up, lefty, plays third, can play anywhere. He looks like he's been in the league. He carries himself with a swagger and he just looks like, this is what I do, this is what i've done my whole life he's a lefty he hit two bombs last night hit his first one in yankee stadium hit two last night that were over four hundred feet now you know fenway park that's a poke

to get it out of that fucker one was four ten one was four away these are kids who don't even know how to play yet they know how to hit some of them and anyway so he's got three fucking homers and he's played a total of about who don't even know how to play yet. They know how to hit some of them, you know, and Anyway, so he's got three fucking homers and he's played a total of about I don't know three game five games, maybe I don't know Anyways, the future's looking bright and what's his name good pitching last night So we took two out of three from the Yanks and then Tampa Bay and now the Yanks is showing up at Fenway tomorrow night Which is always great great I don't give a shit it's not the it's not what it was I mean these guys they're all in it a

lot of them are in their 20s and they're fucking they're set for life financially it's hard to get up a lot of hate when you guys are so much in common you're at first baked first base talking about the four houses you own in West Palm Beach. And fucking the kind of poor shoe you just bought and shit. You know what I mean? You see them. I liked it a little better. Same with the NBA.

I liked it better when the players didn't go out to dinner together the night before. I liked it better and I always use this as it would. Kurt Rambis for the Lakers was going in for a layup and Kevin McHale literally closed on him like a strong safe. He almost took his head off and all hell broke loose. That's sports. Watch tonight, by the way, game four at Florida. Edmonton Oil is at the Panthers tonight. 147 minutes of penalties the last game. That's how ended sticks everywhere gla and I mean drop the gloves and go shit so it was very very delicious you can watch out he can watch the mass singer you goo goblers anyhow excuse me

that's about it anything else I don't know my wife brought sushi home from Publix I got it don't do that I don't want sushi coming from a supermarket down here though they'll don't you can get sushi to goddamn Texaco station okay whatever ex on uh... maybe no one exists why is my phone going black now that life said life good at it stung like you know

uh... uh... uh... uh... all right all and by the way my wife has footage of every time i've ever been on t b like in my whole career i'm talking before i was doing comedy, this modeling agency came out, of course, I look back on it, the guy was just a fruit, probably wanted to date me, but the Hart modeling agency came after me because they saw a picture of me in the fucking, being interviewed in a local paper I grew up and anyway long story short

they got me a couple you know I'm an extra in a commercial like a waiter handing somebody well there was a show called Spencer for hire you guys my age remember it Robert York very popular he was a detective it was set in Boston anyways long story short I'm an extra on the set outside beautiful house and though I still remember and the first scene I'm supposed to be in the background cutting wood you know firewood and Yorick is in the foreground like doing a close-up where you can see me in the background so they're like you know they hand me not an axe they hand me like a tomahawk, like a hatchet.

So the guy goes, action, you know, so whatever they're doing, they say, I'm in the background, I go like this, the fucking piece of wood sticks to the, I'm in the background trying to shake it off the axe. I'm going, what the fuck? Can you imagine they were watching me in the background? Because I didn't know it, I didn't even know I was on camera. That's how little I knew. I'm in the background going, what the fuck?

You're caught. And the guy, the director goes to me, and this is how cocky I was on camera that's how little I knew I'm in the background going what the fuck and the guy the director goes to me and this is how cocky I was I'm on the set of a show it's not how cocky I was I didn't know what he the guy goes you ever cut wood before the director was a you know dick I go not with a hatchet it gets all quiet and they had to find me like a fucking heavier axe. I can't imagine director watching that. And then later on I was carrying pumpkins at another scene. And Jason, who was the producer yesterday, was watching this last night with me and my wife at my house.

And he goes, turns out they were just using you to do chores for the guy's house wasn't even a TV show i go yeah i go at seven o'clock at night it's getting dark the director goes to me yeah we're gonna put you on another scene what do you know about sealing a driveway have you handled aluminum siding uh... anyways let's start with a horrible story. How was your flight? I don't like when people ask me that either every time I land to do comedy somewhere.

How was your flight? Well, I'm here. I mean, I can see, ask me that if, you know, my hair was smoking and I'm missing an arm, not that good. A Boeing passenger plane bound for London crashed soon after taking off in India. Another reason I want to get off the fucking road, not that I'm playing kabooms in Calcutta any time, on Thursday, likely killing 241, I put this out of 242 people because they said there's a survivor, excuse me, on board. And likely many more on the ground because it crashed

into a fireball in a busy residential neighborhood because as you know India has only got about a billion people every there's like two million per square mile air India flight 171 I had to connect in Calcutta to get to the fighting bone in Texas a city of about five million people roughly five minutes after taking off heading to London Gatwick Airport the plane crashed That's when you're yeah, I don't know about you guys, but it's the take it off where I'm going Is this thing gonna just drop out of sky as where I? the landing I have more um, you know a

little bit less That's because by that time I've had nine rum and coke so I'm like I give a fuck let me drive it but watch this and tell me how somebody survived this place bye bye bye bye jesus it literally stuck into like a building

uh... the pilot made a mayday call and the reason that they didn't answer it the guy said it's june what the fuck are you doing? what's the matter with you? what the fuck's the matter with you? What the fuck's the matter with you? I'm sorry, Jimmy, I'm sorry. It was my wife's calendar. What the fuck's the matter with you?

The pilot made a Mayday call seconds after takeoff and we have the audio, the pilot's like, we have to land there and they were saying no and he said, but you don't have opening? No. But why not? I'm trying to lighten it up, folks. I know people lost their lives.

This is how I handle it. It's why I do this for a living. Can't get a serious fucking line out of me. I'm a professional fucking joker. Parents are proud. The pilot made a maid they call seconds after take off the shocking video show the Boeing 787-8 Dreamliner oh yeah descending over the busy city and bursting into a massive fireball with thick black smoke soon

consuming the skyline the smashed plane plane, smashed directly into a doctor's residence with photos showing the back of the jet sticking out of the building. Jesus. Holy. And why did that part stay intact where nobody's sitting? Distressing images, next time I'm going to go, can I get a seat outside on the tail? Distressing images show charred bodies around, why don't you show us that? And then they go, what are you, well it's morbid curiosity, but charred bodies are around flat in the area of the city. And again, like I said, the story didn't, it was another story said they had a survivor seat and they said seat 11A. I'm like, what? They can't, they can't even find me when I order a drink for Christ's sake. I'm in first class. The 242 people included 217 adults, 11 children.

Of them 169, I like the way, I like the way we break down. This is another argument, by the way, against diversity. 169 were Indian nationals, 53 were British, seven were Portuguese, and one was Canadian. I bet humanists really love that. Yeah, that's what's important. But like I said, I heard it was apparently there's a survivor. I don't know how that's possible. From one Indian to another. No, I don't know if.

And literally just came across as you were doing this story. Totally separate. Look at this guy producing. Blue flight skids off runway at Boston Logan. Yeah, you know why? Probably somebody protesting Trump on a runway 14R. That's why. Fucking assholes.

Is that right? Did it not crash or anything? No, nobody got hurt but just skid right off the end of the runway. And why is that, folks? Oh, that's right. We're still dealing with DEI hires. Nick, you don't know that. Yeah, I do.

And if I'm wrong wrong I don't care what are you gonna do sue me but that's why I want to get off the road too there you know my wife and Tommy laugh and I go you know you know I always hear this when I'm getting on a plane for the for the 40,000 time in my life I always hear this in my head can't win them all you Can't win them all. You have to win them all. You fucking have to win them all when you're getting on a plane. What if that pilot, like I said, he's depressed, had a fight with his wife, like that guy in Indonesia said, fuck it, we're going out in the ocean. Anyways, enough of that morbid stuff. A-habba-dabbaba Doo. Dallas, come on. You're a tech guy. Well, no, it is. It's a simple

fix. That's why I get angry because I've fixed it before. Fucking fuck. Oh, sorry. I keep forgetting we have real conservatives watching. You might want to bleep those folks. Leave that all in. You got to leave all that in. I know people at home right now are yelling at the TV, all you got to do is go to settings. I have it on never get tired. Isn't that a setting? Never get tired. General accessibility.

I hate it. Oh, it's not. Hold on. Screen time. Where's the friggin', you know what? Did you try powering down your device and powering it up again? Yeah I do. First thing I do.

First thing nitwits do. When anything's wrong. Night shift, raised to wake, get out of the way. Anyways, it don't matter. Let's get on to haba daba do. This happened a few days ago last week. I can't remember. We didn't get to it earlier this week. Representative, that means somebody in Congress in the state of New Jersey, La Monica MacGyver. Look at her. What a piece of ass. Nice glasses. You look like Joe Paterno looking at the fucking film. What, are you going to weld something later? You fat fuck, look at you. La Monica MacGyver, Democrat, New Jersey, was hit with a federal indictment for allegedly

obstructing Homeland Security agents during the May 9th incident. Okay, I was off by a couple of months. Outside a Newark immigration detention facility in a move her attorneys call political payback. So when they do something wrong and the law steps in, you know, the Dems or their lawyers always say, no, it's you that's wrong. It's fucking insane. U.S. Attorney Alina Habedaba, Haba Haba Haba, announced she's a U.S. attorney? Is that what you're sure? Trump just, you know, no ugly ones here. You know that. Look, I mean look at the, don't look at the fat ones. Only Rosie O'Donnell.

US Attorney Alina Haber announced a three count indictment charging McIver, the fat black chick, with forcibly impeding federal officers during the attempted arrest of Newark Mayor, Roz Baraka. Remember the names like John Adams and shit? Roz Baraka, it's terrific. At the Delaney Hall immigration facility, and again, I'll remind you, when Democrats do this shit,

first of all, you should be back in your building doing work and not out. This proves they're activists and they hate law and order and they hate this kind of, I'm sick of saying it. If you can't see who they are by now, you're fucking retarded. According to a DOJ press release, MacGyver and two other, her name's MacGyver, she picked the lock on a fence with a stale cruller she had in her lunchbox. And two other members of Congress were conducting a congressional oversight visit that coincided with an immigration protest after Baraka entered the facility's secured area.

Federal agents warned him to leave. When officers tried to arrest him, MacGyver, that fat prick, allegedly blocked them, putting her arms around the mayor and slammed her forearm into an officer while grabbing another. Who do you guys think you are, honestly? Let's take a look at the footage. Keep your eye on fucking the giant red shirt. Keep your eye on her, she's gonna punch you in the back of the head. Listen to her. Oh, here we go. I didn't do nothing

Who's that now her lesbian lawyer on the right, McGruff the crime dog? So she forearms shiv as one guy. In there, I watch it like 11 times, you can see her pop somebody in the back of the head. We've gone from the founding fathers to this. Just let that settle in. Each of the first two counts carries a maximum. So what Trump's doing, and Ms. Habedabadoo, they're saying, we're not taking this shit anymore.

But I guarantee, because this will go on forever, I guarantee she doesn't do a minute. Each of the first two counts carries a maximum of eight year prison sentence. Could be, might as well be life. She ain't going to do nothing. The third carries up to one year. What the hell's wrong with you?

Look like a Puerto Rican whore. MacGyver's attorney, Paul Fishman, dismissed the case as political. Oh, as political. Yeah, when state legislatures who are supposed to, their politics and politicians are supposed to be in the building passing legislature and laws and bills to make New Jersey safer, but they're out banging heads, it becomes political. This prosecution is political retaliation

against a dedicated public servant. We fully expect the Congresswoman's exoneration. How do you sleep at night, Mr. Fishman? He's going to go on a Tempur-Pedic match. That commercial I want to fucking. They think they're being creative when they come up with a commercial like that. I've been saying that for years. I've been looking at the TV for 25 years now and it's been on that long, you know, what's in your wallet? I go, a picture of your mother and a condom. Your mom goes to golly. Yeah, that was dead on. That's pretty good.

Let's move on to another story. Nitwit Nicole, you know I love my alliteration there's Tony says little way that they were sent away you kid nitwit Nicole Wallace upset about did I not finish the sentence oh my god can you tell I was watching TV I do the I write the headlines you know and I do the stories while I'm on, and I put nitwit Nicole Wallace upset about and it says, it says Raphael Devers. You can tell when I was watching. She's related to one of the Wallaces, I think, right? Mike or one of those, pretty sure. She is a nitwit to

the thousandth degree. Nicole, and I think that's why I'm doing this story. Nicole Wallace may be the dumbest person on television, you can tell I wrote this, and I say maybe because the view is still on the air. Excuse me. Another of life's greatest mysteries, why that show's still on. Watch this chick melt down emotionally, mentally, etc. over this, it's like an ad from the Department of Homeland Security and she right away goes to, oh my god this is like Hitler, you know. I'll say it again, there's no more left right, there's cuckoo and and just saying and there's no more there's no more ligaments it's bone-on-bone no more tendons and and and when you do this

enough it heats up and then there's a spark all of a sudden I'm a Cub Scout leader hey Timmy bend over let me show you how to over. Let me show you how to use this handkerchief. Don't get the marshmallows. Have you ever had s'mores? Not the way I make them. Give me that underwear. Let's take a look at Nicole Wallace getting upset over, like I said, an ad from the department, or an ad, or a meme, or a poster.

Go ahead. I have very mixed feelings about showing this to both of you. It is news, but it is news from the Trump administration, it's a post from the Department of Homeland Security that they put on X advertising a tip line with a poster that reads, quote, help your country and yourself report all foreign invaders this is your taxpayer dollars I listen for you voted for you pay taxes pause yeah the best tax money I've ever spent and the sixty trillion people who voted for him you dumb slit what don't you understand this is your tax dollars that were and this is yeah

Yeah At least my tax dollars right are going towards something That will stop where my other tax dollars are going To somebody who doesn't belong here getting free iPhones and fucking whatever'd think we'd have stupid and role your taxes are paying for this ad being disseminated amen when i said well my platform acts that says quote help your country and yourself report all foreign invaders and

wanted that by my friend right that uh... did vlad plumber couldn't write that did vladimir vladimir potent right there not even a good uh... that was posted insult if you do if trump or that and say what he helped me you help me write it

i call them use it force back writing with no shirt on as he does and uh... is she just uh... uh... rate art alert rate art alert i'd very well have uh... i think we have invited and they're we could deal with the line last but i haven't said that i mean it's just absurd that we would uh... did you get

that out of america's in our strength inner democracy is is our with the uh... your ability to take so many different cultures here we go and so many different religious diversity make something great say that's what we've done throughout our entire say it's a different thing has been our strength back starting when hack right there somebody should come out with that acts that i was on

trying to get off the wood. He just said, he just said, folks, he just said, and it's the reason why Trump got elected in a landslide, diversity is our biggest strength. And I'll go back and reference my album, 1998, 97, I don't know, 95, Born This Way, my first album. I'm still young. I'm in my late 60s 40s Anyways, I'm on there screaming how diversity is our biggest strength is the biggest fucking liar

And I'll say I was the first one to say As far as I know as far as comics go But anyways, he just said that and that's the reason that type of shit is the reason that's just DEI And that's the reason that type of shit is the reason that's just DEI That's the reason Trump won and this nitwit can you imagine does he have anything else to say you look at that it taps into the isolationist impact Dump pulses of a lot of people the inner Pause the inner racism here it comes. Let me tell you. Let me ask you a question. How does it tap into the Here it comes. Let me tell you. Let me ask you a question. How does it tap into the

the isolationism how do how does Trump doing business and making deals with every country on the planet? How does that tap into our isolationism and if he was a dictator like you guys said don't you think All these douchebags that tried to try him on bogus would be in jail right now Don't you think so you guys you're as ignorant as the fucking day is long it's incredible and I know I'm a dope but I'm still smarter than these fucks why the f-words Nick what do you give a shit I'll tell you why this is my mother used to serve dinner eat the fucking carrots no she did not my mother was a sweetheart has he done this net with them and hatreds that a lot of people have unfortunately pause here he goes he's calling us race that we have

hatreds for other people so he's above the fray this is where the libs and I know a certain comedian I throw right in this category You know only they they've they've cornered the market on empathy only they can feel other people's pain and racism Not you other white people, but we can It's a it's It's so sanctimonious. I don't even know how to what a horrible trait to have for a personality To be thinking you're that you know better than everybody else and that's what you get with it I don't want to hear any more from this dickhead. I Got that power get out of here

I'm like I dream a genie That actually hurt my shoulder imagine that I couldn't be a good genie oh God thank you Nicoleicole wallace appreciate that story your tax dollars do you understand there are do you understand there are immigrants legal ones mexican columbian cuban who love that

you understand and the republicans in the right we don't mind any of those people I don't know if they came legally and if they did come legally how do you think they feel watching Biden let everybody in illegally it's so simple but you guys have this wet dream about tearing this country down and everybody's gonna hold hands in the in the world and sing kumbaya. Fucking fifth grade mentality. Boys and girls, I'll be doing stand up, as you know,

at nickdip.com, you can check out my tour dates. July 12th, hyenas in Dallas, Texas. I do a lot of stuff in Dallas. Actually trying out for the Cowboys. July, cheerleader, not quarterback. July 13th, the Secret Group. Apparently I'm doing comedy for the CIA. It's a theater called the Secret Group in Houston Tech.

Tommy didn't even ask me about this. That's July 13th, the next night, Houston, Texas. Then, I didn't even see it change. August 8th and 9th, SideSplit is my old stomping grounds, Tampa, Florida, Love that place. Him, him might be my favorite. September 19th and 20th, wise guys, Salt Lake City, Utah. As white as it gets.

October 3rd, Arlington Draft House, Arlington, Virginia. And we're looking for another date to go with that, by the way. October 16th, Zanies in Nashville Nashville Tennessee. So that's it right? That's a lot of stand up that I don't want to do. It'll be great. If you want to support my show by the way go to nickdip.com go to the merchandise page and buy some stuff. It's a very nice get the Nick DiPello cardigan. I got beat up on that yesterday. Hi I'm Richard Karn and you may have seen me on TV talking about the world's number one expandable garden hose.

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Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethose.com slash terms. Let's move on. Shall we? automated marketing messages from Pocket Host. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply. Available at pockethost.com slash terms. Let's move on. Shall we? This story is key to your safety. Keyword key. TikToker and self-proclaimed safety sleuth. What a horrible thing to be known for.

Scott Lubick claimed that if you bought your door locks from Home Depot, I thought this was interesting, all lows, your keys to your place will open your neighbor's door. It's good news to me because two cheerleaders from Tennessee just moved in. Sure they're in their late 80s. Good morning my neighbors! Hey, fuck you! In the trending video which has racked up 59,000 views Lubick dropped what he called

a well-kept secret that's quote in quotes. Here he is talking about when you buy keys at Home Depot or Lowe's what could happen. If you purchased your lock set from Home Depot or Lowe's something you need to know there's only five different locking configurations. That's unbelievable. Every fifth set that they sell has the same exact key, which means that if everybody in your neighborhood went to Home Depot and purchased the keys, every fifth house would have a duplicate key for entry.

This is a, a,pt secret, but I'm a home inspector and a realtor. So I know this just from buying and flipping houses. This is my key set, which would get me into your house. I don't know if I trust this guy, there's a rape whistle on it. That went to Lowe's or Home Depot and purchased keys so they only have five different all right you believe that shit and he's right

I tried two houses last night at midnight down the street got in both of them ended up watching the socks in one of them turns Turns out lock brands like Kwikset and Schlage, is that really a name for a lock? Jesus. Schlage, which dominate the big box shelves, offer way more than just five options. Try tens of thousands. The Kwikset key way, can you imagine how much time does this guy have on his hands? That would be KW1 has more than 10,000 key combinations. And the Schlage, apparently that's the Rolls Royce of keys.

Kiway SC1 has 72,000 according to marketplace. So I'm not even going to try to break into the housing. So the odds of your neighbor having a matching key, slimmer than a paperclip. Can you imagine if somebody wrote them and put it in the article? They ought to be shot in front of their kids. Wirecutter recommends the Schlage B60N deadbolt, just 30 bucks and built to stand up to a bunch of big, you know what, kids.

Both stealth and brute force break-ins. It's true man, you don't know. You gotta have a good luck. Well this is gonna happen. Nick, how old are you anyway? I'll tell you how old I was. I was around, I'm the one who said you gotta set it in the stone age, because I knew a lot about the stone age. Anyways, let's move on to a little bit of this is kinda we go Nat Geo for a few minutes I'm talking about a shark and I'm not talking about catching some port dogfish. Tommy the sheep shag.

It's been a while since I've had two. What is he saying about sportsmen? It's been a while since I've had to. What he's saying is something about sportsmen, whatever. The biggest great white shark ever recorded by researchers in the Atlantic is on the move towards a popular US vacation spot. Apparently this shark has made reservations in Fort Lauderdale at the elbow room. What? Contender, that's the name of the fish.

They call it a contender. I'd say it's a champion. That's white. It's probably just a contender. There's nothing great about it. Contender the 14-foot beast, well I thought the 14 doesn't sound that big, right? Was tagged in the North Atlantic by OCEARCH in January, a nonprofit organization that conducts research on large marine animals 45 miles off the Florida, Georgia coast off Jacksonville.

Jesus. That thing could be knocking on our door in a few minutes. Good thing I got that lock from Home Depot. And after going off the radar for nearly a month, the tracker only transmits locating signal when the shark's dorsal fin is briefly exposed above the water's surface. Last week it surfaced north off Pamlico Sound in North Carolina. So take a look at the size of this beautiful shark god that's real man

so beautiful you understand folks 150 million years from now if the water is still water that thing will be Sharks will still be swimming around Why couldn't bite that guys would you put your hand that close fucking shark dentists All right enough of you get out of. Next time you'll see that it'll be ripping your wife in half. On South Beach. As you laugh your ass off with a margarita. Measuring listen to this. This is how you know it's a. It weighs 1653 pounds Contender is estimated to be around 30 years old You're gonna need a bigger boat. Yes the fuck

Mama Mia Papa dear 16 I say 1,300 pounds 6 am 1653 Wow good year The stopover What's got, a summer house? The stopover is believed to be a critical feeding period. Remember that, Bathers? Allowing him to build energy reserves for what may be a journey of a thousand miles or more.

So you women who were having your period in Florida, stay the fuck out of the water around July. He'll be up there looking for nourishment. Oh, big boys too. The tagging involved carefully capturing contender alongside the research vessel, collecting biological samples and attaching a spot satellite tag to his dorsal fin, this tag transmits real-time GPS data. Somebody spotted, they said, on 16 West, right outside of Savannah, whenever he surfaces,

enabling researchers and the public to track his movements, you know, like a guy just got out of prison. Yeah, so we wear the thing. Via O-Search's global shark tracker, Dr. Newton, not Isaac, this is abroad, excuse me, Dr. Newton, we often said, she said, we often see the sharks on our global shark tracker spend a period of time off the outer banks right before they move north which is what this white shark contender appears to be doing and he's she says by september you'll see him in

probably outside of target they what? uh... you can't talk about white sharks without referencing this. You get a $5,000 net, you get $2,000 worth of fishing and along comes Mr. Whitey by the time he's finished with that net. It looks like a kiddie scissor class has got it up for a paper doll.

You got city hands, Mr. Hooper and counting money all your life. Hey, I don't need this. I've been counting money all your life. All right, all right. Hey, I don't need this. I don't need this. I don't need this. I don't need this.

Classic showdown between a working class and the fucking guy from Manhattan who had a ton of money, right? That guy, let me tell you, I'm not gay, but Robert Shaw right there makes me hot. I mean, every woman must go, wow. Got the piercing blue eyes of fucking mutton chops Shoulders like rachel matto. You're really

Huh? Alpha male. Yeah although said they said he He was uh transitioning when he died Yeah Let's move into the uh, the devil is in the details the Satanic temple listen to this folks. This is a This is really oh wait a minute quenching you wealthy college boys don't have the education enough to admit when you're wrong Boy, it sounds like my dad only with an Italian accent the Satanic temple is purposefully opening a telehealth

abortion clinic Tell what do you do Do it over the phone? They instruct you? That's all I'm gonna say. Tell your husband to get the Phillips head. Opening a telehealth abortion clinic in Maine on President Donald Trump's birthday June 14th and naming it, they're doing that to mock him of course, Satananic temple abortion branch the satanic temples that was our wedding song the satanic temples abortion branch TST see satanic temple health is naming the abortion clinic

Listen to this. This is what they're naming it. They think they're being clever and shit. They're naming it presidents huge Most beautiful tremendous satanic abortion clinic the Maine wire report when did Maine such a beautiful hunting and fishing state Turned fucking bright blue The answer is senator Collins we hope he receives this clinics distinguished title as the magnificent regal birthday president it's intended to be you guys are not only evil you're not even funny you just suck at everything in life that's why you believe in the devil a Satanic temple executive director Aaron helium she you believe in the devil um a satanic temple executive uh director erin helian

she said that in the press release and trump responded you fucking whore yeah that's it go home get my dinner ready and that's why he's the greatest president of she must be pleasant huh she must be a piece of work and fun to be around great sense of humor helian went on to express heartbreak over some abortion clinics closing following the Supreme Court's 2022 Dobs decision. They act like nobody can get an abortion anywhere anymore. So fucking silly. I had a, I saw a lady having one for Christ's sake and you know what, Bennegan's the other

night. Which overturned Roe versus Wade and sent the issue of abortion back to the states. Boy, how unfair is that in a democracy? Though we are heartbroken that so many other clinics across the country have been forced to close these past few years. You hear that? They're heartbroken that babies aren't being taken apart. We at TST Health will continue. I wonder if they're going to have commercials on TV. We will continue to bring abortion care wherever we can

and hope to grow even further into the future. It's like she's pushing a new restaurant. And even further into the future, Haleyan said. Your mother sucks cox and hell, Harris. and even further into the future, Helian said, the main telehealth clinic will be the third, I'm supposed to do five minutes of the grand opening, they're doing it in Vermont, I have, I could kill an abortion here by the Satanic temple. The group previously opened the Samuel, and again this is what's great about this country and what sucks about you know i'm saying you you you have that type of freedom

my only problem is the people like this why do you hate the country when you can do this shit couldn't do it anywhere else and then you still vote left uh... samuel uh... they name it another one listen to this samuel a lead os mom satanic abortion clinic in New Mexico Mocking the conservative-leaning Supreme Court justice who authored the Dobbs decision and the right to your life Satanic abortion clinic. That's the other name Right to your life say take the headache abortion clinic in Virginia

First of all, you're gonna you're gonna spend a ton of money on signage. Those are some long fucking names. But you're so funny, the irony is so deep you could cut it with a scalpel. People are fucking nuts. I gotta tell you, I do like their music, very catchy. ["Sus Ano Tis"] They said, I don't believe it, they said Bowie played bass on that. I don't know. Anyways. I don't believe it. They said Bowie played bass on that. I don't know. Anyways, let's go on to a buddy, my former buddy, still my buddy. I still love him and I still don't believe it's him. Joe Rogan comes clean. A podcast that Joe Rogan claimed Tuesday that the two unnamed former

presidents were involved in the protest against his skeptical discussions about COVID-19. So there was a doctor or two that was... What's this motherless fucks name? We'll find out. Relax, Uncle Junior. So here he is, well not yet. Spotify received backlash in 2022 for allowing Rogan, you know, to talk to one of its biggest stars to spread what progressive critics claim was COVID misinformation. Excuse me.

And this is why you guys will never win another election, or a lot to do with your current problems. The way you handled COVID and lied to us, and not only lied to us, when people spoke the truth, you canceled them. That's why they're never going to trust you again. So you can come up with all this fake, they got another one they're never gonna trust you again. So you can come up with all this fake they got another one they're working on we talked about it

a couple days ago. Anyways this is Rogan talking about how yeah that Spotify was a couple of presidents reached out because of what Joe was saying apparently and other people. It's crazy Spotify got calls from two former presidents. Really? Oh yeah. What about? Did they deplatform? That's the most personality I've ever seen. No, I grew by two million subscribers in a month. I did. Because people started listening. Yeah. Because they made it sound like I was this maniac. And they started listening. They're like, oh, he's really reasonable and pretty humble about all this stuff. Just asking questions Remember Neil Young take my music off

Fucking Neil Young. I don't know what you're and I do like the music you jerk off But you are a fucking and you're Canadian. Why are you sticking? You know, we made you rich you asshole He bought Lionel trains. Why don't you drive it up your sister's ass? I stole that from the soprano Richie April literally goes Yeah Maybe I'm gonna Spread your ass cheeks drive a lion L up in there literally said that Anyways Spotify got calls from two former presidents. They don't really get specific who, though, right?

Then Biden White House press secretary, Jen Psaki, what a piece of tail, commented on the, look at fucking WC Fields, COVID-19. Jen Psaki commented on the controversy directly, and this is the sanctimony that I talk about. Our hope is that all major tech platforms and all major news sources for that matter, be responsible and be vigilant

to ensure the American people have access to accurate information on something as significant as COVID-19. That's what she said. Who gives a fuck what you think? Turns out they were completely wrong and Joe was giving out correct information. Remember he took Ivermectin and he was fine in three days.

And do you remember that group of doctors they had white coats on? That was the first cancellation I remember as far as COVID goes. There were virologists from all over the world that gathered at some spot and they took like a group picture. They will cancel off YouTube and everything else. So that's why we'll never trust you again and that's why Trump has given the fucking CDC the finger. Trying to. Insane. Finally tonight I guess. I don't know. Huh? Is it? Holy moly. That's the last story? For the love of God! Really? That flew by. Anyways, folks, that's it. Boy all kinds of shit. I thought that was in no. It's not in there That's

That's it for my week, and I want to thank you guys seriously The show on Tuesdays up to almost a hundred thousand views and stuff with that type of money I'm gonna be able to get a nice fucking helmet for the wife That's it for the week come back tomorrow. No Monday fucking honey. I'll write the copy Come back on Monday at 9 a.m Again with the live lineup kicks off the Graham Allen show dear America very good show And if you haven't already follow my channel and hop to it guys What are you waiting for and I'll see you guys here on Monday.

Hope you have a great weekend. You guys think that I'll say it. You're very welcome. I'll see you back here on Monday. Take care. Hi, good night everybody. I saved the world today And everybody's happy now The bad things gone away

And everybody's happy now The good things here to stay It's freedom baby, yeah Please let it stay Hey, hey, I saved the world today And everybody's happy now The bad things gone away And everybody's happy now, the good things still stay here

Please let it, ooh let it you