The Nick DiPaolo Show - Build Back Better? | The Nick Di Paolo Show #1754

Episode Date: June 23, 2025

In this episode Nick talks about Big, Beautiful Bombs, Possible Terror Strikes, NYT Being Petty, The Ladybird Killer, a Karen in the Canaries and a possible Muslime Mayor in NYC! Watch Nick on the FREE RUMBLE LIVE LINEUP at 6pm ET https://rumble.com/TheNickDiPaoloShow TICKETS - Come see me LIVE! For tour dates and tickets -  https://nickdip.com MERCH - Grab some snazzy t-shirts, hats, hoodies,mugs, stickers etc. from our store! https://shop.nickdip.com/ SOCIALS/COMEDY-  Follow me on Socials or Stream some of my Comedy -  https://nickdipaolo.komi.io/

Music playing And I'll tell you another thing. Frankly, you're beginning to smell. How are you folks? Welcome on a Monday. Monday morning in the great city of Syracuse. How was your weekend? What did you do? Did you hang out with friends and family and watch the war on TV? What did you do? What did I do? I don't know what I did. Spent some time at B&D. I'm like Norm, I walk in, hey! They, it's getting a little much.

Good to be with you on a Monday. Obviously a shitload of bunkers worth happened over the weekend. But I have to fill you in. At the top of the show I'll give you a, you know, well sort of quick review of everything that went on most of it over the weekend. And a little bit it will come out this morning,

today I should say, this afternoon. Anyhow, Red Sox went to Seattle, face a good Seattle team, take two out of three, go into San Francisco, take the first game there, lose the second one. Third one, they're up like 5-4 and late in the game a couple guys on for the Giants soft line drive to second base our guy drops it a little league high school a little league girl could have

caught it I swear on my mother he boots it that would have been out number three but no they go on to score three runs so should have taken that they had won five series in a row that would have been six Now we're on to Anaheim. I know you guys don't give a fuck but as As Kareem Jean-Pierre KJP was that was it was top of mind First of all you have no mind You're at the bottom. I got you there didn't I bitch? Anyways, I'm doing it again

I'm supposed to do this at the top welcome The live lineup where you get Steven Crowder Tim pool Andrew Wilson who just sent a lot of his guys to my show Thank you Andrew and all the other shows you just saw scroll by from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Eastern Time right here on Rumble and that's for free. Today I'll be talking about the Iranian parking lot we built and the religion of peace. You know, New York Times offended by... I'm not even gonna tell you because you'll get triggered and you'll shut the TV off now. And apparently, they think there's a serial killer in Austin. And I can say, I hope that's true. Fucking libs.

Kill them all. I don't know who they're killing, but we'll touch on that a little bit. And that's about it. I thought I did something interesting, but I guess that's somebody else's life. Let's get to it. Say hello to my little friend, the bunker buster, the mop. The United States, I'll give you again a review over the weekend, some of you have lives and you know even though they could be blown up soon but

it's not awful. The United States launched strikes on three Iranian nuclear facilities Doesn't that look like that picture? It looks like you're looking out a glass window that has a crack in it That's a stealth bomber guys if you don't know what that is about 1 1⁄8 of an inch thick It's crazy unbelievable And as you know we we whacked three Iranian nuclear facilities. We got them. We're not going to make more, but President Trump announced that today we whacked their

facilities calling them a spectacular military success. And I even said, and you know I love Trump, but I said calm down, fellow. Can we assess the damage? I mean, he said that 11 seconds after the bombs hit. And you know I love Trump, but I said calm down, fella. Can we assess the damage? I mean, he said that 11 seconds after the bombs hit. I'm pretty sure there's not much room for error there. You know how they work? The first one goes down, blows a hole,

and then the next one goes deeper to blow that hole, and so on. It's drilling by bombs. It's tremendous. I don't know what kind of crowd came up with that shit. Anyways, probably a white fella. Anyway, here's a review. I'll let them, you know, grab some news clip and let John Yang tell you how it went down. Because I don't have the memory anymore. Again, many concussions as a kid.

But here's a review of what happened over the weekend because you guys are probably out partying and what not. But John, take it away. away good evening I'm John yeah shut up I'm Mary gang he stands at a pivot point you're a pivot point administration says operation midnight hammer severely damaged or destroyed Iran's largest nuclear sites in response Iran says the time for diplomacy is over and hits hints at military retaliation against the United States. Pause.

Military retaliation? What do you got left? The Jeep and two, I think two cherry bombs? Camel. Yeah, camel, the fucking stick of dynamo up his ass. What are you talking about? IDF has been strafing you for the last six months. What do you got left?

The Volkswagen? Shut it, you bearded fag. Go ahead. Even as more missiles from Iran strike Tel Aviv. Strike you? Our coverage tonight begins with foreign affairs and defense correspondent, Nick Sheffrin. Nick Sheffrin, he's good.

Nick, look at that plane. Look at that thing. Look at that thing. Look at that thing. Look at that thing. Oh my God. A dozen B-2 bombers flew 30 hours with multiple midair refueling all that strict oppositionals I don't know. There's an as it maybe Russia can do it not too many militaries can refuel midair. I

Mean, that's like having sex in a waterbed. It's very hard to Mark that one down. It's going to be it for the week I get a feel. It's a lot of heavy news. Yeah, that's like, you know, I'm trying to fuck in a roller coaster. It's crazy. Any one of those metaphors. But by the way, they describe the planes and I don't know if it was the stealth ones, but

there's a microwave oven, a place for the other guy to sleep while you're driving, and there's like a mini fridge. It's like a fucking,'re driving, and there's a mini-fridge. It's like a fucking, you know, it's like a Roman foxwoods. Go ahead. It's amazing. Security, including a decoy. The bombers launched from Whiteman Air Force Base Friday night. White man.

You hear that? From Whiteman Air Force Base. Couldn't get any better. Also launched west, tracked on social media. That's a decoy going west. of feet underground. For the first time in common, the U.S. dropped more than 30,000-pound massive ordnance penetrators, deep before exploding. This satellite image shows at least half a dozen precise impact sites at Fordow, where bombs landed at 40,000 feet underground. Not Fordow! I have a semi-home there!

A third target, Esfahan, the East-South-Eile, targeted by submarine-launched Tomahawk missiles. Shoot them out of the water. How in God's name? At the Pentagon, today Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, General Dan Kaine and Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth called the mission limited and designed to convince Iran to negotiate. This mission was not and has not been about regime change. As the president has directed and made clear, this is most certainly not open-ended. There are both public and private messages being directly delivered to the Iranians in multiple channels

Giving them every opportunity to come to the table, but foreign minister of a Sarrachi today said Iran No intention to say how the Iran chi of course the door for diplomacy should be always Keep open pause. We keep open a diplomacy door for 60 days. You're fucking All this in fighting and and the real people on the right now are in fighting clutching their pearls What do you can I just? How the fuck can anybody have a problem with this? Oh, we're gonna get entangled. Trump said this, Trump. We didn't kill any civilians.

We blew up friggin', not even, we didn't hit their military. We hit nuclear sites that they've been, and for years, he gave them 60 days to come to the table, they didn't. So now the table landed on their head. I mean, shut the fuck up with all that. And maybe you are anti-Semitic.

I know Israel. I mean, people are just freaking the fuck out. And what, Israel's got us in our back pocket? Are you worried about Israel? Are we supposed to be afraid of them too? A little shit stain of a country? I know they got a great military, thanks to us. Yeah, but the Jews run the world.

Is that what you're saying? I don't know. I mean, people who I love on TV, who I respect, you know. I mean, for the love of Christ, every American soldier that was killed for the last 40 years over there was killed by something the fucking Iranians had something to do with. You can Google that. It's a fucking cancer. Take them out and let the cards fall where they were gonna get hit at home. I get news for you I'm gonna say this four times during the show. We're gonna get hit We're gonna get hit we were saying that way before this shit started about halfway through friggin

Biden's term after you let half the fucking country in here including thousands of Guys that were on the terror list that we don't know where they are So when we get hit which we will whether it's over there or here don't know where they are. So when we get hit, which we will, whether it's over there or here, don't blame Trump. He's just cleaning up the mess that the fucking babies made before us. Hillary Clinton letting them enrich uranium, gave them money for it. Friggin Obama sent the pallet with 1.6, was it billion? Who was after that? I'm forgetting the third one. Biden freed up. I can't remember how many. It was billions, wasn't it? He took off the sanctions. So when we get hit, and I know nobody, you people on the left that are retarded, the Eric Swalwell fans of the world, don't watch this show. But you're so fucking ignorant, either that,

or you're just being willfully ignorant, pretending none of that happened. Show me a Republican president, and people are going to go, George Bush went into Iran, and then, here we go again. I have my own theory on that. They try to assassinate his old man, so I actually gave him a break on that one but anyways they didn't have a nuclear weapons but they did have weapons of mass destruction

so again and I'm not trying to defend that but I'm just saying this is a whole different thing and I just get so pissed at people over here the fucking over the whoopee gold orgs of the not even her I mean she's got no but they say the stupid, this Thomas Massey guy, ooh, he should have came to Congress first and we talked it over, then we, we've said that for the last three wars. Nobody goes to Congress to declare war. And under the Constitution,

if this country's in imminent danger, which it is, Trump has the right to do, this country's been invaded. I don't give a shit if you believe that or not. And he's got the right to do this country been invaded i don't give a shit if you believe that or not he's got the right to do whatever they say that to america every day for the last how many you think they're fucking around and if they did blow israel out of the off the planet who's next i don't understand how you can

all know whatever let the cards fall where they may yeah we might get sprayed and uh... with bullets at the mall tomorrow what the park at some point you can stand up and be a leader Yeah, we might get sprayed with bullets at the mall tomorrow. Wait, what the fuck? At some point, you're going to stand up and be a leader. What's the alternative? Not doing anything? That's just what the Dems want. Keep talking. They're all shitting on Trump like he's the problem.

And I keep blaming Biden. He didn't make those decisions because he was taking a nap under a table somewhere for four years. Oh, my aching ass. I love what he fucking did and then somebody friend of mine very funny comic who I love he hits me up an accent goes what Trump did was retarded to do something to to bow to Bilbo Netanyahu or something our money is gonna be worthless and he says that must mean that Trump is a MK Ultra asset. And I'm like, I

wrote back, I go, I don't quite get the connection between the Jews and MK Ultra that I went, oh yeah, the Rothschild family was sort of at the root of that. But that's good. Anyways, I'm just saying I think Trump did what he really thought. Can we give him the benefit of the doubt on anything? Guy took a bullet in the fucking face and he hasn't made a wrong move since he stepped in. Any other president that walked in there and stopped immigration in about 24 hours We would be putting on Mount Rushmore if that was Obama or any Democrat. This guy does it. You fuckers don't even talk

about it. You don't cover it. He gets shot in the face. You cover that for about 48 hours. So fuck you. Blow him off the face of the fucking planet. Sorry, folks. I had too much Tetley's tea. Lot of cursing. Anyways, what else we got? Another video of who? But this is not the case right now. My country has been under attack. Sorry, fella. Under aggression. Pause. His country's under attack and aggression. What do you live in a vacuum? Yeah.

Our country's been threatened by and you can get on the list of soldiers that have been killed. Beirut, they blew up an army, Marine barracks, 200 dead for years. A few younger people who don't know what you're talking about, Google all the Americans that have been killed and other people in the Middle East because of this fucking regime. It all started in 78 with a weak president named Jimmy fucking Carter when he deposed the fucking Shah and all fucking hell broke loose and the hostages were taken

since then that's 78 but you've been under attack for years you've been killing people around the world for years anyways is this jerk off almost done dos Equis from Tehran this morning Tel Aviv most interesting jerk in the world Iran's response Iran there's my see there's my timeshare through these pour through these apartments, but dozens were wounded. Iran could escalate further against Israel or target U.S. bases across the region where some 40,000 troops are on high alert. Well, pause. I know that and God bless those people over there, but why are they over there? What are you there for in the first place? To kind of slow the shit down when it comes our way, isn't it?

That's a boat I bought this weekend. They said it was a fishing boat. I got it for $1,500 at an auction. Go ahead. In the past, Iran tried to choke off global oil supplies, actions that would bring further U.S. military strikes, Secretary of State Marco Rubio warned today. I love this guy.

There are no planned military operations right now against Iran unless, unless they mess around and they attack American or American interests, then they're going to have a problem. He's the, you know who he reminds me of, and said this before he's Michael Colignone he was kind of almost a moderate or whatever and then trunk game Trump gave a real spanking when he ran for president and But I always liked them I always liked that fucking night I just like them. Hey, hey He's he's that who he reminds me of.

Michael Coler, the younger brother who's like, okay, you know what, I'm joining the family. Enough of this shit. He's a great secretary of the state. Ah, and here's the man who everybody's gonna, oh no, you're getting noticed. Oh my God. This guy's got steel ones and, uh, folks folks if you die, you'll be dying. Tony Sopranos said if I die, I'm fighting for something I believe in. I don't mind.

That's all you have to think. I'm sorry. This guy. I like how we went. We're going to give him two weeks. Oh, I meant two minutes. Go ahead, Donald. A short time ago, the US military carried out massive precision strikes on the key nuclear

facilities in the Iranian regime, Fordow, Netanze and Esfahan. Oh, not Esfahan. Everybody heard those names for years as they built this horribly destructive enterprise. I've never heard of S-F-I-N-E, I gotta be honest, Tom. I'm gonna believe you. Our objective was the destruction of Iran's nuclear enrichment capacity and a stop to the nuclear threat posed by the world's number one state sponsor of terror. Tonight I can report to the world that the strikes were a spectacular military success. Iran's key nuclear enrichment facilities have been completely and totally obliterated. Well, I heard there's only $1,100 worth of damage. They broke a window and a couple guys had the wind knocked out of them. Mr. Trump wrote on Truth Social, this is a historic moment for the United States of America.

Israel, he meant Israel, and the world. Iran must now agree to end the war. Thank you. Did I miss something in there? It didn't sound right. But in a follow-up social media post following his national address, Mr. Trump said that any retaliation No retaliation kind of retaliation That was the line in the product of course any retaliation by Iran against the United States of America will be met with force far greater

Than what was witnessed tonight What are you gonna do drop Lizzo on him what she's skinny now, oh fuck yeah What are you going to do, drop Lizzo on him? What? She's skinny now. Oh, fuck yeah. Somebody made a good point. The only bad downside is something about we used up a lot of our fleet last night or whatever. China's like hmm.

Early Sunday morning I ran fight around 30 missiles at two goats in Tel Aviv, killing one and knocking the wind out of the other. Around 30 missiles at Israel, the IDF told CBS, four of which made it through the country's missile defense systems and caused injuries and extensive damage. Then Sunday morning, Secretary of State Marco Rubio slash Michael Corleone, he said this. Joining me now in his first interview since the U.S. action is the Secretary of State of America, Secretary Marco Rubio. Mr. Secretary, thank you for being here. Are we now at war with Iran?

No, we're not. This is not a war against Iran. This is very simple. 67 days ago, the president of the United States sent the Iranians a letter and it said, you're not going to have nuclear weapons, you're not going to have a militarized nuclear program. Let's negotiate. I want to do this diplomatically. I want to do this peacefully.

They tried to play them along the way they've played every American president for the last 35 years. And you know, the president told them if we don't get a deal, which is what he wanted, then I'll have to handle it differently. And that's what he did last night. He handled it differently. But that was an Iranian choice. We didn't make that choice. They did. By playing games with Donald Trump, they made a huge mistake. And President Trump acted last night. And I think the world today is safer and more stable than it was 24 hours ago and a bunch of these countries putting out statements condemning us privately,

they all agree with us that this needed to be done. They got to do what they got to do for their own public relations purposes. But the only people in the world that are unhappy about what happened in Iran last night is the regime in Iran. No, and the regime over here called the Democrat Party. And a few of the wishy washy Republicans. What Trump basically said to them was this. This year we're going to grab the bull by the balls and kick those punks off campus.

Did he not? And again, you guys can clutch your pearls at all this other horse shit. At some point America has to lead. You know, oh no, now what's going to happen? Whatever happens next isn't Trump's fault. He showed up 60 years into this fucking pissing match and only one that had the balls to actually try to make change. You think he cares? He's 79. Guy could be home golf in the last 50 years not taking a penny so shut it. Okay and if uh if if Israel's trying to pull a quick one on us we'll see what happens there too. I happen to believe Netanyahu. I kind of like him as a leader. Anyways damn straight they will is the headline. them as a leader. Anyways, Damn Straight They Will is the headline.

I smell a pun. Skabadaboodibidibidibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibibib moose chili that comes through there, right on boats? Fuck. The vital shipping channel through which around 20% of the world's daily oil flows. Does that count the gallons on Newscum's head? The moose which could block one billion in oil shipments per day is likely to send oil prices soar. Whatever. Whatever I say, it will come into a, see everybody's got a reason why we shouldn't have done it and you're coming up with them after the fact.

Monday morning generals, it will come into effect pending a final decision by Iran's supreme council. Iran's major escalation in response to US strikes on its nuclear facilities will be done whenever necessary. You know who said that? E-mail Khosari. And ironically, he said it to a guy named Tex Hatton-Newton on text.

In the Revolutionary Guards, that's what he said on Monday, and Trump barked back. HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAH The strait connecting the Gulf of Oman with Persian Gulf is one of the world's most critical choke points that my wife snuck. You know folks, just 20 miles wide at its narrowest point. Shipping lanes in the strait, the area that is deep enough for ships to pass, are even narrower than Karen Carpenter her last day on earth. No need for that. are even narrower than Karen Carpenter her last day on earth. No need for that.

At less than two miles wide in each direction, making them much more vulnerable to attacks and threats of closure. Again, I'll say this. Maybe it's coming up in this story. But Trump said, and I think Rubio made it clear, if you try any retaliation, and this is one of them, closing, that's considered retaliation

So again enjoy what's left of your friggin country and by the way folks the Iranian people would love to see this regime gone They've been miserable since these jerk-offs took over these ayatollah The channel is shallow making it a particular target for underwater mining while the narrowness of the strait makes it look beautiful in an evening out. Passing vessels vulnerable to attack from shore-based missiles or interception by patrol boats or helicopters. Here, I don't know why it's on the screen, Dallas made a smoker for his brisket this weekend. You know what that looks like Dallas?

That looks like a giant hand grenade. It's got that pin on the side. You can pull that. The primary approach would involve rapidly deploying naval mines that's under water folks across the shipping lanes. It's their most effective tool for immediate disruption. They'd simultaneously launch anti-ship missiles from mobile coastal batteries, like the one they have in Gdier, and Nasir,

and my hair, and Faiyia, systems targeting oil tankers from distances, this is pretty good, 185 miles. But again, we'll see. They thought the Scud missiles were pretty accurate when we gave them, remember? Anyways, I'm sure we'll hear from these people. Spin it out there, Muhammed. Let's move on. If you see something, I'm sorry, you know it's a good time to say hello. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, tour dates, and by the way I got a name for the tour, it's called Charming Bastard.

That's what I've decided on. July 12th, Hyene is in Dallas, Texas. Next night, July 13th, the secret group in Houston, Texas. Then August 8th through 9th at my old haunt, side split is in Tampa, Florida. September 19th through 20th, Wise Guys, Salt Lake City, Utah, maybe my favorite comedy city. October 3rd, the Arlington Draft House in Arlington, Virginia. And October 16th, Zany's in Nashville, Tennessee. And we're trying to hook up dates with those last two, you know, the next night somewhere in the area. So come on out.

Also go to nickdip.com. We have a great merchandise page with hats, t-shirts, broads, IUDs, snorkel jackets, all kinds of shit. nickdip.com to help pay for my wife's coke habit, you know. This podcast is supported by Talkspace. When my husband came home from his military deployment, readjusting was hard for all of us.

Thankfully, I found Talkspace. Talkspace provides professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatric providers online. Military members, veterans, and their dependents ages 13 and older can get fast access to providers, all from the privacy of their computers or smartphones. I just answered a few questions online and Talkspace matched me with a therapist. We meet when it's convenient for me, and I can message her anytime. It was so easy to set up. And they accept TRICARE. Therapy was going so well, my husband and I started seeing a couples therapist through Talkspace too.

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Huh? All right. If you see something, kill something. No, if you see something, kill it. That's what it says. The Department of Homeland Security issued a terrorism alert on Sunday warning of possible if you see something kill it that's what it says the department of homeland security issued a terrorism alert on sunday warning of possible iranian attacks against the united states

following the american air strikes against a rands nuclear program uh... if you're shocked about that you're an idiot anytime we do something militarily to scumbags like this yes the warning go up and uh... and i'll say it again, anything goes down, I guarantee, eventually they'll trace it back to assholes that snuck into Biden, I guarantee it.

DHS warned officials to be on the lookout for Iranian-led attacks. Really, I thought the Irish were coming to them. Over the next three months, by terror cells inspired to retaliate Irish were coming to them. Over the next three months, by Tarisels inspired to retaliate following Saturday night's strike. And there they are, seen in their favorite uniforms. Quas-ro-lo.

Ooh, they're radicalizing me. That's the Ben Crosby of Tehran. Or as Colin Quinn would say, I've repeated this joke a million times. That's off the album, the best of female circumcisions. The likelihood of violent extremists in the homeland independently mobilizing to violence in response to the conflict would likely increase if Iranian leadership issued a religious ruling. You mean a fatwa, right? A fatwa issued a religious rule in calling for retaliatory violence. Of course they are. They're not gonna make it public. I almost bet and I hope I'm a

thousand percent wrong on this. I'm also a almost bet they've been sitting around for a year. Don't think they just spent out running the titty bars like they usually do and eating Big Macs and shit. They also go home and take care of the, it's already probably in the works. You can almost, again, I hope I'm a million percent wrong, but don't forget, Iran, you do that, and I don't know what we're gonna do to you,

but I sort of believe Trump now at his word. Anybody takes a bullet in the face and stands up and gives the power sign? It's a little wacko. I love him. I issued a religious ruling calling for retaliatory violence against targets in the homeland. DHS said that in a statement. Along with possibility of extremist attacks on U.S. soil, officials warn that the chance of both cyber attacks and anti-Semitic attacks are likely to increase. Boy, do they hate the Jews, huh? Hates Jews? Hates Jews? They really do.

And you should be nervous. Usually something happens at a synagogue synagogue and if it's not in New York it'll be somewhere else, you know. So anyways, they, they, they make fun of the Jews, they say stuff like this. It seems foolish to have all this money lying around. Oh, you'd rather have it down at the bank where the Jewish guys can leer at it? The hell is that? Yeah, money. what a Jewish guys can we're at it

my favorite artist money all con mud uh... uh... uh... uh... new york times not with the times is the headline

uh... anything to me that's politically correct, especially when it comes to race now, anybody who still believes in that fucking IED, what was it called? DEI. DEI, IED. I just reversed it. DEI, any time you see shit like that, is it too early for the Canadian club? All right. Any time you...

It's passe. It seems really in the past to me. No. The US has officially joined Israel. Listen to this. This is from the New York Times. You want to see how deep political correctness penetrated these networks? The US has officially joined Israel in its battle against nuclear power Iran. The New York Times is ready and waiting to wag a woke finger in the direction of the Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth over his choice of words at a press briefing. They hate him, first of all, because he's good looking, he's a white guy, went to Harvard, whatever the fuck, they just hate him because, you know, he likes booze and women, everything. You fruit cups on the left fucking despise.

You're anti-American. Get out of my country New York Times I don't know why that building still standing in a Sunday news conference Hegs have heaped praise on President Trump in the military campaign that saw six not one not those not trace not quarter They sink up six Is it say six? Yeah, what seven see out there Is it say six? Yeah, what sevens yet they President Trump in the military campaign that saw six bunker buster bombs dropped on key

Nuclear sites at one point Hegseth. Okay. This is the big Faux pas he made according to this fruit cup of a writer the New York Times at one point Hegs had casually called the B-2 pilots who dropped the 15-ton bombs on targets, and I ran, our boys on those bombers, quote unquote, which instantly got the great lady all worked up in her high dungeon. Excuse me. Sorry folks.

I picked up some type of AIDS at a protest. In the briefing, Hegsith referred to B-2 pilots as our boys and the bombers, yet, so that's the writer quoting Hegsith's quote, yet, this is what the writer says, yet both men and women have been trained to fly them. New York Times Pentagon reporter John Ismay corrected the record on the Outland blog. How much of a big girl are you John?

We're on the brink of World War III thanks to jerk-offs that you vote for, not me, and you're upset because Hegseth wasn't inclusive in his gender horseshit I want to think about how mentally ill you must be honest to God the New York Times record of paper record of chooches The posting drew hundreds of scornful comments on social media You know, I mean What an idiot we women know exactly what secretary Hegseth meant said an ex user Somebody else said this is why people use the New York Times to line their bird cages I gave that the gut fell in a monologue about three years ago. Not the most original

thing but a guy probably saw it. Here's a few more comments that we have audio of that people said about this guy. Who gives a fuck what you think? You need to shut the fuck up. They will pour it into our hotline. Fucking queers! Will you shut up? Will you? Will you please shut up? pouring into our hotline. Fucking quiz! Will you shut up? Will you?

Will you please shut up? I'm gonna stab you through the heart with a fucking pencil. Do you understand me? Oh my god, he took a beating. Fucking bitch. The hell's wrong with you? You look like a Puerto Rican whore. You're a wormy cotsucker, you know that?

look like a Puerto Rican whore you're a wormy cocksucker you know that? you're so stupid so stupid uh oh retard alert! wow you got a shitload of shit I think you get the point people laughed in this guy's face uh... can you imagine

can you imagine that's where his mind goes to I gotta believe even at that stupid publication they called him in and said, what are you doing? Take the dick out of your mouth and write an article. Okay? Okay. Let's move on. We'll change up the subject.

I can't help it. I didn't want to talk about war and all that shit, but what are you doing? All this stuff? Let's go on to the lightest story. The ladybird killer. Anytime I lighten up, it's got the word killer in it apparently. I don't know why that is. I didn't know about this. Maybe you guys did. I spent a lot of time, not a lot of time, but I used to play Austin Comedy Club, a capital city comedy club in Austin, and would go there. There

was a stretch of about four or five years I was there all the time. And there was a place called the Velveeta Room. I used to, can you imagine, I'd do two shows on a Saturday night. This is when I knew I still was in level comedy. And then I went to the Velveeta Room and did a set. You know why? Because I was on Comedy Central at that point and wanted to go, yeah, nobody cares. Lady Bird Killer, since 2022, 38 bodies, have you guys known about this?

I have not. Oh yeah, I did know, this is some wild stuff. 38 bodies have been found in or near Lady Bird Lake in Austin, Texas. The most recent was recovered just earlier this month. On June 3rd, a teenage male kayaker, that's why I stay out of kayaks, you flip over and there's a serial killer under there ready to stab you, was found two days after he swam into a deep part of the lake without a life jacket and disappeared under the water. Now wait a minute. Now hold

on a second. And you're considering this part of he might have been killed by a serial killer? Who's what? Underneath with scuba equipment and a rifle? What are you fucking talking about? I don't get that one. I understand we're going to mention a few other things I can see where, but if the guy swam into it, it might be in in the air you notice it might be Texas's version of the Bermuda Triangle many of the deaths in and around Lady Bird Lake it's so funny it's got this cute name meanwhile bodies are floating up like fucking around Lady Bird Lake have been attributed to accidental drownings other deaths have been ruled suicides and drug overdoses only one death has been declared a homicide yet you guys are screaming serial killer because

the bodies are the body count is getting up there i you know his uh for my 30 years of being in law enforcement i'll give you a tip stay away from lady fucking Bird Lake. How about that? However several cases remain unknown Another disturbing fact is that 30 of the 38 bodies were males Five of them were trans no 60% of which were between the ages of 30 and 49 years of it okay now That means 40% were females, right? That's not that wide a split to get all excited about this. Between ages of 30 and 49, that's about everybody's age walking around Austin, as far as

being a male. So I'm not really, I'm not feeling the heat yet. If you said it was 38 guys that were all named Johnson and all of them had red curly hair in one arm, then I'd be freaking out. 49 years of age, leading many locals to suspect a serial killer, given serial killers usually target victims with specific characteristics. Those aren't that specific. That's a wide range.

And it's 60, 40, male to female. It's not 90, 10. Especially age and gender, the serial killers like to focus on that. Well, they're all inclusive. All inclusive? Are they resorts? I do all my killing. Oh, good. I do all my killing

Good I do all my killing at Sandals at the pool The Austin Police Department has insisted that no evidence supports the existence of a serial killer right now I lean their way, but I could be wrong, but locals are not convinced You know why they want to get on the national news to maybe somebody will quote their blog not convinced. You know why? They want to get on the national news too. Maybe somebody will quote their blog. Several petitions for police to investigate drownings as potential homicides have been filed. Many believe that the proximity of Rainey Street, again why would you hang out in the street called Rainey? You go to Sunny, right across town, right? Sunny side is what they call it. Rainey Street. It's a nightlife hub with numerous bars. Well, it used to be 5th Street when I was there, wasn't that the hut?

Sixth. Sixth I was off. I was... When do I... I didn't have that much fun over in Austin. Sixth Street still is. I was on Fifth! I was on Fifth! I was walking by Sunoco stations and fucking Quiznos. It's Sixth Street and Rainy Street are the two. There you go. Six and what? Rainy. Rainy? Yep. A nightlife hub with numerous bars and clubs has led to men being drugged and lured to Lady Bird Lake. Maybe it's a woman. That would be cool. A black black widow a black widow as they call

him even though it could be a white bitch don't say I I the closest though to a female they might have been some other ones you don't count like Susan Smith drawn on her kids that was cheap but Eileen Warnows depicted by Charlize Thuron remember I knew Eileen Warnows she truckers would pick her up and she'd murder the truckers she did about six of them that I can remember and you know what after I read about how she was raised and what horrible dad she had and and the she went through, I was good for her, even though I love truckers too.

I'm just saying, I'm like, it's understandable. She took some action. She's more of a fucking woman than Hillary or Pelosi or Levy. Nick, are you saying you put her in the White House? I think so. Being drugged and lured to Lady Bird Lake where they were intentionally drowned. How do you know? I'm going to find out what the hell happened here.

I am. I'm going down the interday. Woodward. What is it called? Reserve. In 2022, a clusterfuck, no cluster, it's the only time I ever see the word cluster. Who's my comedian buddy TJ Miller? I heard him, I was driving him to the Comedy Cellar one night on the radio and he's going, here's some offbeat impressions. Here's an impression of a guy who doesn't know the definition of clusterfuck. Yeah, I took this waitress home the other night and I clusterfucked her. That made me laugh.

Then he goes, here's another impression of a woman who doesn't know how to talk delicately about menstruation or something. She's at a restaurant at Tyrone Russell's with her friends and she goes, I have to go to the restroom. Tell the waitress to hold a marinara, I brought my own. Childish, as funny as a fucking... Maranara, I brought my own. Childish, as funny as a fucking, he did about five more. And I go, oh my God.

And I met him at there when I went to Vegas and did, you know what, and I fucking loved him. Nutcase, funny as hell. In 2022, a cluster of six bodies were found. All males with similar features. The following year, five more bodies were found. Again, all men. Hold on a second, fellas.

Did you hear about the six that were found and you still said, fuck it, I'm going in, give me my suit. Yeah, five bodies were found, again, all men who had apparently gone missing after having a night out on the nearby rainy street. How do you know that? How is this not? How did I not know about this? Like every day. Oh, I know why. Because it's men missing. And black people would say, you know, it had to be white people. And black people always say that when a white girl goes missing, it's a big deal. Yeah, it is. Doesn't happen as much in that fucking neck of the woods. That's like those all

those detective shows that I love on the ID network and and and I'll read what what the show is gonna be about and if it says you know it happened in Mississippi or shit and I'm like oh whatever might as well be Detroit I want to hear about a white woman in the suburbs woke up and her husband's head was on the front lawn that type of shit happens all the time headline F you and your kids a woman who was on an all-inclusive vacation in the Canary Islands said she took a stand against a mother who objected to her drinking alcohol at their shared dining table. My sister's in South Africa right now and sending back pictures.

I couldn't believe how beautiful it was. Crazy. and sent him back pictures I couldn't believe how beautiful it was crazy and they saw I they must have went on a safari thing they she sent that thing back of a watching a lion a female a tiger whatever the fuck you know the one you know the one no the one without the headpiece Don't know without the toupee The female ones. Yeah. Thank you Fuck I'm losing it man But he was just she was chomping on some dead animal big fucker It looked like a horse had his head right in there just chomping away

So my brother-in-law goes up and pinches the fucking lion's ass. He's gone now The woman said the hotel where she was staying had club-style seating with eight people per table. First of all, I blame you, lady, for even why would you sit at a table? I hate that. That's why I don't go to Japanese restaurants. They insist you all sit together.

Yeah, I want a small talk. I don't even do that with my friends and family. I'll hang up on my friends and family if they start talking about bowling fucking weather what a click. No, I lost you I don't know what happened. Did you guys like that? You want to sit with fucking strangers? Club style eating what are you gonna do go? Can you show me how to use these chopsticks flinching? With eight people per table paired together to encourage a sense of community and conversation. I can't do that. Last night she says, this is the lady who dared

to have alcohol in front of another lady, I was seated first and had a glass of wine, the woman wrote. Soon after, she was joined by two adults and three children who were seated at her table. I don't know if that's her, that might be a stock photo, right? The mother of that family turned to the woman and said, we do not wish to expose our children to women drinking alcohol, which that only

deserved one reply. Shut up. Mind your fucking business and shut up. Right away, my mind went to, and I think this is a pretty good thought of my I go oh they must have been Muslim because Muslims don't drink alcohol and I've done many stories on this show years ago where Muslims in Minneapolis would go into a store and complain that they was selling alcohol or they were selling pork and They used to complain about

People that had dogs because they've considered dogs filthy and dirty yet Their men will fuck a goat at the drop of a turban So anyways the woman said I smiled and said perhaps they should ask to move tables if it was an issue, but I would be drinking the wine. Good for you, the woman said on Reddit. They noticed I was on my own and they made passive aggressive comments about this. Like she can't get a man. So that's when I said, it sounds like American, brodge. Well, you can be Muslim, you know what I mean, shut the fuck up.

Later, the woman got up from the table to get some food from the buffet. And when she returned, the wine had disappeared. A waiter came over and asked to see her wristband, meaning the woman who was drinking the wine, an indicator of all-inclusive access. He said that the family that had objections had told them that I was underage and i must have sneaked away from my parents

the waiter she said was very apologetic and returned with a fresh glass of wine just as the family came back with their food i'm sure it was lamb's brain hummus and dog cheese instead of requesting to move to another table, the woman who was having her balls busted asked for a full bottle of wine along with a couple shots of vodka, she said. Give me a can of fear. The family finally stormed out on their broomsticks after she drank the shots in front of them. Oh my God, can we meet her?

I guess we should start getting people like this on the show. You believe that shit? There's always, I don't know what's going on folks, there's been a lot of stories in the last six months or so and They're all negative about alcohol and It used to be too much alcohol but but but now it's like even a moderate amount can cause cancer and And I'm like I keep reading this shit and I had a theory

This is how bad my memory is I had a theory that made sense to me when I thought of it Well, I was writing the story last night I have no idea what it was Maybe it was maybe maybe Trump's doing this cuz he He's a teetotaler What do you call it? totaler tea

He doesn't drink Anyways, have you guys noticed that am I making it up? Anyways, if you guys noticed that? Am I making it up? Anyways, if you don't believe me, here's the story this weekend. This is all coming in at a time where we have these types of new studies that link alcohol consumption though with cancer and a lot of chronic health conditions. This study that just came out showed that having as little as two alcoholic beverages a day will significantly increase the risk of pancreatic cancer and any additional drink thereafter

will increase that risk by 3%. How do you even measure that? Liar, liar, whore. I got a different theory. I know guys who've been drinking their whole life, I mean, functioning alcohol, and you can't kill them. They're like cockroaches I've seen old ladies my grandmother

She had a friend Beth O'Keefe Irish lady. They would come to babysit when we were kids They would have high balls drinking them. They would drink them like root beer They both died in the early 90s so I there. They both died in the early 90s. So I don't know what the agenda is here. I'm trying to figure it out. But there's been a million of these stories lately. I'll take my chances. I'm having my drinks. And I'm the definition of a social drinker. What if it's a concerted effort from, you know, foreign like Muslim maybe she's not like Minneapolis what if there's a concerted effort of that community to try and get alcohol banned because it is in Muslim world now I

would find that out too easy I don't fucking understand it no fun huh no fun yeah just no fun yeah I mean two, it's good for you folks. It thins your blood out. Especially red wine. They're even poopooing on red wine saying that's a myth. It's not as healthy. But really? My grandfather made it in his basement.

I literally as a kid stepped on the grapes. Like how's that been greaseball folks and he every year had his grapevine Drank he would drink that like you and I came in on a hot day instead of having a beer He'd drink a glass of wine and he lived till he was yeah, I cut his life off at 93 He got sick for a few days and died. He was fine. What do you think of that? What I thought about I don't understand this agenda lately it's been all uh it's been ridiculous we can't do a story here about alcohol without I do this hoping people have never been exposed to foster Brooks but most you guys are probably

close to my age he was a raging alcoholic in real life and then he got clean and sober and turned it into an act and anyways his foster Brooks this folks this is him pretending to be drunk but he was they said he was this bad when he was he ended up he was I like all my friends in fifth grade know who he was he was on these rows here you go he's so funny I still remember the first time I laid I laid eyes on dimples here she was outdated and I was blind she was out dating and I was blind I was out dating and I was blind. Now you may not realize it, I sure don't, but it was Betty, Betty has always had a passion for aminals.

Aminals? Anything that flies or crawls. I'm looking at Dean. anything that flies or crawls. You looking at Dean? It doesn't personal do it anymore. Our next day we went, oh, where did you hear this? We went down to the lake, down to the lake and park in the same dark spot, real romantic spot and I slipped off my shirt, my shirt and then I slipped off my pants, I slipped off my trousers

and everywhere there until two o'clock in the morning doing the same old, same old thing. Throw the stick in the water and I'd fetch it. I still remember the first time I laid. Right. But, oh... You want me to remember? I know what you did. You're a damn pervert! Guy must have made bugging millions finally tonight boys and girl Only in New York City. I could have thrown this up here with the other Other I don't even know if this guy's a Muslim. I gotta be honest

Anyways lefty upstart Zoran Mamdani I'm going out on a lemon sandis muslim, but whatever. He's running for mayor. Mayor? Yeah. He's running for mayor in New York City. First of all, the nerve on him. After what's gone on in London for the last 30 years, you really think? In 2018, Mamdani was naturalized as an American citizen. He's a Shia Muslim and identifies with the Twelver branch, whatever the fuck that is. Oh, the Twelver branch?

The Twelver branch. Anyways, there you go. Anyways, his name's Zoran Mamdani. He's leapfrogged over former governor Andrew Cuomo in the city's ranked choice a Democrat primary for mayor Excuse me, according to a stunning new poll released on Monday Now I know everybody's going yeah, New York. That's typical. I have a different theory that Those they're all all rigged. I don't believe Alvin Bragg was elected or whatever

to her Letitia James or whatever you know they can rig a presidential election and yes 2020 was rigged they can definitely do this this is a world again the globalist whatever putting these people in these positions who the fuck fuck? New York's a predominantly, a very Jewish city. And I know there's some left-wing Jews, but not to the point where they'd vote for a guy like that. In its hypothetical initial round of voting, Cuomo's lead shrinks to three percentage points, with 35% of likely Democrat voters supporting him compared to 32% for Mom Donnie and 13% for city controller Brad Lander. That's according to the Emerson College poll. Here's a video of Mom Donnie kind of poo

pooing on Cuomo's no, I mean he he's responsible for the deaths of hundreds of old people during COVID and he has the balls to run again. But here's mom, Donnie Poo pulling on Cuomo because Cuomo's probably taking the anti-Muslim act or whatever, but here we go. If you blanket this city's airwaves with language of me being dangerous and radical, if you intentionally choose to put me in a kurta as opposed to a suit in those same hats,

it is not a surprise to see the kind of threats that come and it is infuriating to have the same candidates who have fanned the claims of this hate then come out to condemn when that hate results in these kinds of threats. Pause whatever are you getting threatened? I first of all, he talks like it happened in a vacuum Like the city wasn't hit by radical Muslims in 2001 number one is a million reasons you can look at London and see what that turned into don't be fucked Oh now you're getting hate threat. You think Sean Hannity gets any hate threats? Or gut fell to anybody that works at Fox News every day If you don't like it get the fuck out. It's a tough city Modron. I Really I really believed all the things are rigged I real I really I've lived in New York

I want to give the New Yorkers a benefit of the doubt. They are not that retarded that they would vote for this guy. I Don't even care if he had a clean record or whatever. I still would Read up on your fucking history books Anyways, but since no one garners more than 50% of the vote needed to win outright the ranked choice system kicks in This is in New York. That means that even if a voters first choice is eliminated in successive rounds of calculations their other picks could still be in the mix and emerge as the eventual overall winner mom Donnie finally surpasses Cuomo and the eighth round of the simulated ranked choice voting 51.8 to 48.2 in the latest poll conducted June of 18 through 20. Son of a

whore! I'm telling you it's true. Can you imagine Cuomo's gotta be going like what? This has to be rigged. He's like I used to rig these things now I'm on the outside over five months Mom, donnie supporters surged from one percent to 32 percent Now let me tell you something if these are legit polls and elections and shit Then yes, no if you deserve what you get But I I just it's beyond belief in me. Uh, well Cuomo finishes near where he began Uh anyways That's what the people at emerson college polling says so, uh, mr Cuomo finishes near where he began anyways That's what the people at Emerson College polling says so mr. Cuomo

Who was the governor of the state at one point? I was getting beat by this guy That's it boys and girls For today you have a good time. I hope you do come back tomorrow at a 9 a.m. Eastern time right When the live lineup kicks off with Graham Allen's show Which is dear America if you haven't already followed my channel you better hop to it right now. I'll see you guys right here Tomorrow 6 p.m... Am I correct? I am correct.

You guys think and I'll say you're very welcome. Have a good rest of the day. We'll see you tomorrow. Hi, good night everybody. Hey, hey, I saved the world today. And everybody's happy now, the bad things gone away. Hey, hey, I saved the world today. And everybody's happy now, the bad things gone away.

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