The Nick DiPaolo Show - CA Gun Laws Fail | Nick Di Paolo Show #1342

Episode Date: January 25, 2023

Another Asian Shooter in CA Biden Importing Criminals A FLA Woman and Her Crackpipe Sex Toy   Get an extra story Monday-Thursday by joining Nick on Patreon! www.patreon.com/thenickdipaoloshow   Get tickets to see Nick, live! www.nickdip.com/tour    

🎵 Welcome. Welcome. You know, you can never ask me. I have a cup of coffee, invite me to your home. Then you come in and say my daughter's sweating, ask me to commit murder. What are you, a Jew fuck? I just came from the dentist. I got some swelling.

Wisdom teeth. There's only one person in our family that wasn't born with wisdom teeth. I'll let you take a guess. That's right, Fredo. You have no wisdom. It's a half of an orc, yeah. What could they do to my body? I had to do the eyebrow. They call that nose. Look at my boy. I want you to use all your power. Guys, like I'm a fucking undertaker, not a magician. I don't give a fuck. Can you do that thing with a quarter behind the ear?

Maybe the loops. I like the loops. Read the funny papers. Read the funny papers. I'm used to having balls in my cheeks Hi kids, what it was and what it is Great to be with you on a Wednesday See what I did there? A Wednesday

We started at 1.14 Great to be with you folks I'll tell you What did I do yesterday? Went and picked up the fucking... I'm driving a Toyota Highlander for a rent-tel. Only I can go to the counter, though. Be the first one there, right?

This is this little enterprise rental off of Ochikiji, Baga Road. Whatever the fuck it is. I walk in there. You know, there's fucking two broads and nobody's in there. It's a small town. And here's my license, blah, blah, blah, fill out a little bit of paperwork.

I'll go get the car. First, I'll clean it for you or whatever. And then I sit there and I sit there some more and some more. I watch two people come and get served. I'm still... How was that? She had to clean the car. Don't you know I'm coming? Not the car. Shouldn't they already be... Again, this is a first

world problem. I don't give a fuck. I live in a first world. You know what I'm going to do? Move to New Jersey. Get it? Anyways. Nice ride, though. Kind of like it. I was doing donuts in the church parking lot last night. You know, because if you wreck it, you call. I don't need another one. That's how it works in rental cars. That's about it. Made my wife.

Oh, here's one. I'm going to open a food truck if this doesn't work out. It looks that way. I put that bolognese on a Cuban roll last night. Dude. Not for me, for the wife. I look like I'm pregnant right now. I don't know what the fuck happened. Bolognese sub?

Are you dog styling me? My wife's such a purist, I melted some cheese on top of it. Because I didn't need the cheese. What? It's like a fucking fancy cheese. Get out of it. Because I didn't need the cheese. What? It's like a fucking fancy cheese. Get out of here. Maybe she's right.

It's like a sloppy joe. I got nothing, folks. I'm dressed like... And this always... I did Vito Corleone because this is the shirt he had. Button to the top, right? Sitting in the garden. Oh, funny papers.

Turns out I don't need the cotton. I'm so fat. Anyways. That's it. Anything interesting, all right let's get right on with the motherfucker Asian anger strikes again uh I I don't know when these folks I don't know what they're doing these mass shooting things I mean I'm trying to be funny here and fucking but you know I'm saying what are you especially when they come one after do you know there's been again the definition of a mass shooting is four people or more i think do you know there's been over 400 or something this year or whatever since october i don't know

some insane number i guess you have to count what goes on in the fucking hood you know i mean there's never less than three involved it's always a baby in a stroller a mile away minding her business. A couple of you-know-whats on the fucking basketball court, and they fire into the... It's not good. But anyway, what a violent fucking country. Remember... Member. What are my three?

My member. Remember... Oh, was it... Yeah, it was Michelle Obama. Oh, it's such a mean country under Bush or whatever. This country has never been meaner. And my wife's reading, telling me about that book that she had read, you know, with the fucking CIA, what they do.

This is back in the 60s with like Jim Morrison's dad was a high military. So they experiment on people with acid and Disney is in there, she told me. I have to read this frigging book. I'm like a two-year-old. Tell me more instead of reading it myself. But Disney is in there. It's called Ultra K. I don't know why I'm saying this on a show. MKUltra. MKUltra. I confused that with my hair gel. Dallas knows what I'm talking about. Creepy, man. Creepy shit. And my wife goes, they got Britney Spears.

I go, what are you talking about, Britney Spears? And I forgot she was a Mouseketeer, which is Disney. And they program you from since you're a kid to fucking, then you go wacko. Did you see her in the restaurant the other day talking gibberish? It makes sense. What she was telling me was make my hair stand up. How they program people. Subliminal messages, I've always known that, you know.

But there's ones that we can't see while you're watching TV. Don't, just pretend, folks, you're enjoying your life. You don't want to know the truth. Well, I'm sure you are, but I'm just saying. So my wife's like, yeah, didn't you see Britney Spears' Instagram

when she, you know, her boobs are out and she's pulling like her bathing suit? I said, yeah. I'm all for that Ultra K shit. Multi-vitamin, special K, whatever. My wife didn't like it.

Real fucking funny. You don't want to see? But it makes sense. I got to read that thing. Anyway, it's not like I'm dumb. I'm smart. So a disgruntled worker. I went off on a tangent there like Bill Cosby during a set.

Allegedly disgruntled worker. Always. All right, we're going to adjust these later. I'm telling you, I can't even. Killed seven coworkers and injured another in shootings at a pair of nurseries. That's not nurseries as in kids, folks. That's not what that means. That's what it sounds

like. But, you know, in Northern California, city of Half Moon Bay, me and my wife went there when we were living in LA, drove up the coast. It is one of the most beautiful places. I had a cioppino there. That's all I remember. They brought it out in the kettle. They cooked it in. Oh, my God. It was so good. They didn't like it. At the end, I was yanking it out in the kettle. They cooked it in. Oh, my God. It was so good. They didn't like it. At the end, I was yanking it right in there. I was so excited. It's a true story.

You can read it. Anyways, this was on Monday afternoon. Officials report the disgruntled guy opened. She's opened a fire. Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling. The suspect identified as, boy, the Asians are pissed off right now.Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling我们之前说过91号 是谁手上有 he's in the kitchen. I'm not saying he's a cook, folks. Just play along with me. That's the guy I picture when you send back your fucking egg rolls. You know what he does to them. That's right.

Fucking rolls them on the ground and then up his ass. Anyways, that's not nice. It's childish. Shut up. I can't even see today. Anyways, he later turned himself into authorities following the bloodshed that came just two days after the Golden State was rocked by another mass shooting that left 11 dead at a ballroom in Monterey Park outside of Los Angeles. Some of the victims in Monday's shooting were gunned down in front of horrified children at the two scenes separated by several miles on the outskirts of the small city along California's coast. The San Francisco Chronicle reported, citing San Mateo County Sheriff Christina Kupis. San Mateo, that's where Brady's from,

I think. Gutfeld, too. Sheriff's officials said four people were gunned down and one person was wounded at one nursery, and the other three victims were killed at another nursery. Police learned of the rampage around 2.30 p.m. It's not clear how the two locations are tied to each other, but San Mateo County Board of Supervisors President Davey Pine said the suspect worked for one of the businesses. He also called the suspect a dirty, filthy zipper head. That wasn't right. I don't like that type of talk in this house. He also called the suspect a disgruntled worker. That's a little more than disgruntled. We got to find a better word than that. I'm disgruntled when we run out of fucking creamer. I don't take out the family. The deadly rampage came as California was still railing from Saturday's mass shooting carried out by 72-year-old Hu Can Tran.

Who can't? It's 2023, motherfucker. Who later committed suicide. Yay! Amid police hunt. We are sickened by today's tragedy in Half Moon Bay. The scourge of gun violence. Here it comes.

Here it comes. Oh, my God. This is so stupid, has sadly hit home. Yes, it's not the mental illness. We have not even had time to grieve for those lost in the terrible shooting in Monterey Park, Pine said in a statement. Gun violence must stop. That's hilarious. Look at this shithead. The state of California has among the strictest gun laws in the United States, which we have strengthened through local action here. So what does that tell you? But more must be done. Just

come out and say it, you pussy. Come out and say it. You want to ban guns. More can't be done. You're never going to stop this. Understand? Maybe, I don't know, give a mental illness test to every company when you fucking hire them, whatever. I don't know. The status quo cannot be tolerated, he said. Yeah. Well, once again, your state has the strictest, I think, other than Illinois. More gun laws on the, how's that working out for you? Meanwhile, Nebraska, all the places you guys make fun of, Montana, yeah, I know there's no people there. But the point is, all the people that have guns in this country, most of them, you know, in the, you know, they use them for

to protect your house and to hunt deer and whatnot. And they're trying to make it, you know, we're going to take it because some, you know, let's take it. It's not going to happen. Second Amendment's here for good, okay? Okay. I can't wait. I almost hope, no, I don't hope, but I'd like to see Newsom try to get in.

Remember Beto O'Rourke was coming after our guns? Beto who? That's right. He's selling skateboards Newsom try to get in. Remember Beto O'Rourke was coming after our guns? Beto who? That's right. He's selling skateboards on the beach, big bitch. Anyways, let's move on to a bigger fucking moron. A guy who is really not my president, not anybody's president, because the election was stolen. If you don't like that, you can rest your nuts upon my forehead. Biden importing criminals. This is what I'm talking about. What did I say to you guys the last few months? I go, you think crime's bad now?

Wait till all these scumbags pouring over the border settle in. Rapes and all that shit. It's going to be like Brazil. That's where we're headed. Because that's what the globalists want apparently. Four border crossers.

Oh, they're border crossers? Is that what we call them now? Bust from Texas to New York City, were arrested this month after allegedly stealing $12,500 of merchandise from a Macy's department store. Does Macy's sell sombreros? I'm not, I'm dead. Ay, ay, ay, ay.

I am the grito bandito. I'll fuck your sister right in her fat ass. I'll make you some chili. It gives you some gas. Ay, ay, ay, ay. Shut up. They're not even Mexican. I know, but I like to lump them in.

It's fun. George fucking, what's his name, does. Comedian. How could I not remember George Lopez? Oh, my God. On Monday, the Nassau County Police Department in Long Island, New York, announced the arrest of 19-year-old... This is how I know Tommy doesn't watch your show, because he'd be going, we got

to fix those lights. Roland Cabezas Mesa, again, too many names, 30-year-old Jose Garcia Escobar. Has an Escobar ever done anything good? Huh? Walked an old lady home from the supermarket, taking a girl out on a date and brought her back whole. 21-year-old Miguel Rojas and 27-year-old Rafael Rojas. That's Ralph Redd. What, I didn't do good in Spanish. For allegedly shoplifting at Macy's.

All of the men, they're not even here five minutes. They already know the laws and how they're not enforced. All the men, is any white people trying to, I talk a big game, but I'm still, maybe we'll do that. You can film me going into CVS and just loading up. Seriously. And I'll try to walk out, see what happens. I'll probably end up dating the guy who stops me. What did I even mean? Look at these four. Here's the story

of a couple rapists, they're bumming over the border with their river. All of them are newly arrived border crossers who were bused from Texas to New York City as part of Governor Abbott's planned, planned? Calm down, Nick. No need to make a pasta. Planned to send migrant buses to sanctuary jurisdictions. When Mexico sends its people,

they're not sending their best. They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending people that have lots of problems. Oh, God. It's not Mexico. Bad clip. In total, nearly $12,500 worth of merchandise was recovered from the four border crossers.

That's a lot of shit. Escobar and Rafael Rojas were subsequently released from jail without bail. Well, of course. Again, black and brown people, tell me how racist it is. It is unclear if Mesa and Ejel Rojas, that's Angel, remain in jail on bail. And if they do, let's set sail because they'll steal without fail. Now here's Tom of the weather. According to the New York Post, Mesa crossed the United States-Mexico border on July 4th, right on the goddamn celebrating our independent 2022 while the others arrived at the border

months later in September, 250 of them in a Ford escort. All were put on buses by the state of Texas and relocated to New York City. Angel Rojas and Rafael Rojas have a tryout with the Kansas City Royals. They're looking for utility infield.

The Post reports they've been living rent-free at the Western Hotel in Manhattan. Oh, my God. A whistleblower recently called out Mayor Eric Adams. I saw this guy on the news. There's Eric Adams. Look at called out Mayor Eric Adams. I saw this guy on the news. There's Eric Adams. Look at the mouth on Eric Adams. It's like you're watching The Preakness. Hello.

I'm Mr. Red. Jesus, somebody throw him a carrot. A horse's ass. A horse's ass. He doesn't even know how dumb he is. A plan that gives lucrative city contracts to a number of hotels willing to house migrants arriving on buses.

Imagine they're thrown up in these beautiful hotels. I saw the guy. According to the whistleblower, border cross is a fighting hotel staff committing crimes against hotels, drinking all day, having sex in public, among other things. They don't eat the food.

The guy said from the fifth floor to the, they have 23 floors, Dallas. You know. You fucking people. You have no idea how to defend a nation. That was me talking to Joe Biden and his friends. What a, honest to God, folks, I know I sound like a broken record. What he's doing is unconstitutional. It's illegal.

It's all illegal. It's just, see? Somebody, cop cars coming from where macy's and garden city they sell used socks this town stinks it does this town you guys in jersey know what i'm talking you go down the pike jersey pike and it smells like you get shit on your upper lip and all you can smell is burning tires and decomposing gambino members in the field. That's what this town, right? And what's so funny is when I take the exit, when I take the exit, the first sign I see, Grand, what are we?

Garden City. Grand. Oh, my God. Garden City. Apparently they bury bodies in this garden. It is like this metallic, I would love to know the cancer rate. Anyways, guys and gals, I won't be here at this smelly place. I'll go on the road early next month to get away, where you can see me, February 3rd and 4th, showering at the Embassy Suites,

room 211A, right next to the elevator. I don't know why they put the comedian's room next to the... they must think that we're retarded. It's always next to the elevator in the goddamn ice machine. So I can hear people, it sounds like they're cutting up a body at 3 in the morning. February 3rd and 4th, the Grove Comedy Club in Lowell, Arkansas. I'm gonna get this tooth pulled for that one. Relax. I love you guys. Still fat. Have to sweat today. March 11th and 12th, the Comedy Club of Kansas City. Do I have to read these every day, Tommy, for fuck's sake? Kansas City, Missouri. April 21 and 22, the Funny Bone, St. Louis and St. fucking Charles. May 12th, the motherfucking Hilton Daytona motherfucking Beach Oceanfront Resort in

Daytona motherfucking Beach, Florida. You can get tickets and M80s to all these shows at nickdip.com Click the tour button. Finally tonight. No! No! No! No!

You're very good with that, because I forget it's coming. A Florida woman, oh no. What'd she do? And I'm guessing it's not Melania at Mar-a-Lago. Hey, Brady was seen down in the Miami area, look at it. He almost went there last time.

His kid's going to go to school in Florida. Wasn't that the story? I hope he's just faking it, though. There's also talk of the Patriots. I was fantasizing about that. It was really a fantasy. I'm like, that's never going to happen. They got Bill O'Brien back.

He was the offensive coordinator when they won a couple of rings. He was the offensive coordinator. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Wouldn't that offensive coordinator. Oh my, oh my, oh my. Wouldn't that be fucking something? But how do you, at that point, Miami, all that snatch.

I mean, you know, it's where all the athletes hang. It's the hang. It's the hip hang. Crime is fucking record low. You got Governor, what's his face? I mean, Miami wasn't bad under that little nerdy coach, McDaniel. Is that his name? Probably made that up.

Let's call him Kevin. A Florida woman claimed a crack pipe found protruding from her vagina during a strip search was actually, she said, she said it was a sex toy.

Can you imagine that? You go down on a chick and you're like, God, what's this? Does that feel good? I'm going to heat it up for you. Don't burn your lips. I won't burn your lips. Ah, my labia!

I'm kidding. She doesn't have labia. Put a picture of this fucking stunner up here. Carmella Ann Mains. Holy Christ almighty. What in God's creation. She looks like every NFL referee. A guy in his 60s.

Who did I say she looked like early? You can't remember it. Kamala Ann Mains, that's her. She won Miss Ocala a couple weeks ago. That's a muffler burn on her neck. She's a mechanic down at Jerry's. She's had that frown on her mouth since first grade oh my god she looks more like a man than me yeah she could have been hunting her day what what are you fucking high uh 57 years she's 57

or 157 am i reading that wrong was taken into custody wednesday in clearwater, Florida after she failed to show up to court. Why trash, why trash, to face shoplifting charges. See it's not only people of color that steal. She's got color. She's got her neck, got a hickey from her cousin, Sharon. When officials conducted a strip search of the suspect, God, who was brave enough to do that? They must have put on gas masks and shit. Fucking hazmat suit. There's fucking bugs jumping out of a shrub right onto your necktie.

Stuck in your eyebrows. Oh! They found that a glass crack pipe was protruding from the defendant's vagina. Now, looking at that, I would say I'm guessing it was up her ass, not her vagina. Look at that. I mean, that's a payday bar. That's not the pipe, folks.

That's just a pipe. That's not the pipe, folks. That's just a pipe. I mean, I would have been like, you say it's a sex toy? Probe it. I would have made her do dirty things. You sounded like Max Cady. Ooh, you're giving me the shivers all over.

With that one. Put a hand on me, boy. I might do something to you right now that you wouldn't like. Maine, then, boy, then allegedly removed the contraband from her cavity and intentionally threw it in a bowl of beef stew the sergeant was eating. No! No! No! Imagine the cop going down there and seeing that.

It must have been a female cop. I'm going to find out what the hell happened here. As it echoed through. She intentionally threw it on the ground. And it says steeped instead of stepped. Then she steeped on it in an effort to destroy the evidence. Yeah, right in front of the cops. She then tried to explain

that the object was actually a sex toy, despite the fact it was consistent with a pipe. Consistent? It was either a pipe or it wasn't. Commonly used to smoke crack, not to put in your crack. Learn the difference.

And covered with burnt markings, police wrote. Liar, liar, covered with burnt markings, police wrote. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. Maines was charged with possessing contraband in a county detention facility and tampering with evidence in connection with the incident, according to the report. She was held behind bars after failing to post a $3,500 bond, the outlet said. So they keep people like this behind bars. But if it's a black kid who shot somebody six months ago, you can go. Is that how it works in this country, you cocksuckers? Anyways, pipe or no pipe? I like that girl. What are you doing, Sticky?

The pipe in her vagina. Read the funny papers. Read the funny papers. It's not going to bring my girl back. It's not going to bring you back. It's not going to bring Dallas' dog back. All right, that's it, folks. Boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen.

Don't forget Cameo.com. If you want me to roast a friend or relative, go to Cameo.com if you have a little extra change. It's equivalent of me holding a cup out. You know, I don't want to wear shirts like this anymore. This was up at the University of Maine. The girls wore these. That is it.

You people think it, I'll say it. You're very welcome. We'll see you back here for the final day of the week tomorrow. Have a good one, everybody. Hi. Good night, everybody. guitar solo Thank you.