The Nick DiPaolo Show - California's Renewable Regrets | Nick Di Paolo Show #1269

Episode Date: September 7, 2022

Biden's Labor Day crowd embarrassing. California's energy crisis. Europe's energy crisis. Trudeau taking more communist steps. Cali judge declares mistrial cause convict was sleepy. Mutant pig.

🎵 I'm out. Isn't it? Cancer throat. Hawaii, folks, great to be with you on a Wednesday night. Southern Los Angeles, Southern California. Boy, is it hot outside. How hot is it? It's so hot outside, I saw a poodle penetrating herself with a freeze pop. You are correct, sir. Great show for you tonight.

We've got Diana Ross, a very young, good-looking, colored girl, a rack on her and a set of pipes, and also a race car driver, Mario Andretti, greasy Italian guy. Very filthy, gets a lot of snatch, and drives fast. And Chef Graham Curry. You know him as a galloping gourmet, and I personally think that he lures kids into his van

with his lemon cupcakes. All right, how are you? How's it going, folks? Great to be here off another Red Sox loss. Anyways, holy fucking moly. I keep wasting my time. Oh, thank God. Here's the time of year if you're not a fag.

Or if you are a fag. Some fags like sports. Usually the ones, you know, wrestling and shit. Like Jerry, coach. Yeah, you got all kinds of college football. And, of course, the NFL kicks off tomorrow night. You know, just when I get on the road. Oh, actually, I'll be home.

What am I saying? I don't have to get on a plane until Friday. By the way, I'm doing Anthony Comia today. If anybody's watching and listening, I'll be calling into Anthony's show. Always a blast when we get together. A couple of curmudgeons. Guess he got in a fight or something. I couldn't do the show yesterday.

He had to talk about that. Can't wait. Hope it was another black hooker. Anyhow, any he. We'll do it live. Okay. We'll do it live. Fuck it.

Do it live. I'll write it and we'll do it live! Fuck it! Do it live! I'll write it and we'll do it live! Fucking thing sucks! It's me on my computer. Mr. DiPaolo, no one could be as nasty as you pretend to be unless they really wanted to be disliked. Perfection. Somebody figured me out. Perfection.

I know. That couldn't... I've had 40 people say that to me in the last two years. Never mind when I was in grade school. Kid's got a mouth like a truck driver. Anyways, guys, I'm back on the road this weekend. Yay. God, that came fast.

I think I've had this date on the book since like April. And I'm like, yeah, well, here we are. Back on the road and I'm headed to New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Three places that Biden got 11 votes total that could use a little bit of Nick DiPaolo in their air, don't you think? It's getting kind of blue up there. Come see me Friday at Soul Joel's in Royalsford, Pennsylvania. What a great gig. This is outdoor with like a tent. Big thing. It was great the last time I did it. Where the fuck

is it? It's a suburb of Philly, I think. Saturday, I'll be at the Algonquin Arts Theater in Manisquan, New Jersey. And then Sunday night, three nights in a row, Sugarloaf Performing Arts Center in Chan, New Jersey. And then Sunday night, three nights in a row, Sugarloaf Performing Arts Center in Chester, New York. Get tickets to all these shows at nickdip.com. Click on the tour button. I'll see you guys this weekend, hopefully. You know what I'm saying? Come

on out, because if it's less than half full, I'm fucking walking. Anyways, let's get right to the doggy shit world that we live in. Laying down room only as opposed to standing room only, meaning it's empty. A minuscule, that's being generous, crowd showed up for one of President Joe Biden's Labor Day rallies on Monday. I mean, it was, oh God, it looked like a, I don't know, pick a washed up maroon five. Look at that. Look at that. That's like a, I don't know. I like Janine Garofalo. I don't want to say her. Pick a committee you hate. Anyhow.

Look at that. Do you understand? Do you understand? If you're the most powerful guy on the planet, you should have that many people, like, in your dressing room, taking care of you. We're supposed to believe this jerk-off got 81 million votes. Fuck you. Fuck you.

Fuck you. And why am I saying this? Fuck Joe Biden! Fuck Joe Biden! Yay! Look at this. Look at it. That's sad.

I mean, he's the president of the United States. And this is a union. He's a union guy. You guys, you're not fooling anybody. God help us. The crowd, which could be described as being in the dozens. That's never good. How many people there?

A couple dozen. What? Gathered outside of the United Steelworkers of America Local Union, 2227 Hall in West Mifflin, a town southeast of Pittsburgh. The event was open to members of the union. Fuck Joe Biden! Fuck Joe Biden! Let me remind you of something else.

He's supposed to be a working class guy from Scranton, Pennsylvania. The guy didn't get 12 votes against Trump. Fuck off. I don't want to hear any more. The big lie. Yeah. Well, some professional voters from the event concealed just how sparse the crowd was. Others showed up the paltry number of people who showed up to hear the president's words.

I heard his words. That's what his speech consisted of. Oh, he's going along. Get him off. The appearance marked the president's third trip to Pennsylvania. So if you add up all the people, that's 29 in three trips. In the space of a week, Biden was in town to support Lieutenant Governor John Fetterman, the guy who's had like nine strokes. I think he was a former drug addict. Support his efforts to defeat Dr. Oz, who I think

I hate even more. The last thing we need is a Dr. Oz, just a milquetoast middle of the road. we need is a Dr. Oz. Just a milquetoast middle of the road. Why the fuck? See, Oprah's created all kinds. Wait a minute. Did Oprah create? Or Dr. Phil? I don't know. Dr. Oz and the states race this November

in the mid... So you got a guy who's had strokes versus a fucking fake TV doctor. P.U. If you don't believe me about Fetterman, we're going to play a clip of him speaking. If this was an SNL sketch, you'd be going, oh, come on.

You can't fucking... You're not going to have a guy running for anything that's like that retarded, right? He looks like a... Boy, it looks like he's running. Running from the cops. What the fuck is he? What was that show about the bikers, Sons of Anarchy?

Yeah, there you go. Let's listen to Stroke Victim. Go ahead. Please understand the stakes in this race. Send me to Washington, D.C. Not Washington State. So I can work with Senator Casey. Not Washington State? So I can work with Senator Casey and I can champion the union way of life in Jersey, excuse me, in DC.

Thank you, thank you very much and it's an honor. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck, you know that? So I can champion the union way of life. Where are we? Vermont and Connecticut. Also parts of Southeast Florida and Denver. That Denver's a state, right? Yeah. Where's my pipe?

Ugh. Can you fucking imagine? This is what the... I think he's winning, too. I got to be honest with you. I hate Oz just as much. I don't need another milquetoast. I want some guys that have the balls of Marjorie Taylor Greene. That's what I want. And some more women like that. Prior to this Labor Day appearance, Biden, 79, gave a similar speech. So, you know. Is that why they didn't show up? Among the speakers at that event were the Democratic

Senate candidate John Fetterman, American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations. Just say communist. President Liz Shuler. Ugh. Ugh. just say communist, President Liz Shuler, and Secretary of Labor Marty Walsh. Just look how stupid he looks. Hi, I'm Marty Walsh. I am confused. Right now, I have an 80-inch neck and a 3-inch brain.

Help me to help you, you cheese-eating, motherless fuck-stained you. Anyways, what a bunch of... Nobody was there. Again, nobody. Trump, didn't Trump do a rally a couple days ago? They had to fucking... They filled filled what, Texas Stadium twice? They had to add a third show. And it is a show when Trump's on. Just for the entertainment value, folks.

Unbelievable. Again, you want us to believe that he won an election. It's just mind-boggling. California's power grid, oh, we're on the California steaming, I called it. I'm so clever. I was on fire last night as I was cutting my toenails and preparing for the show. California's power grid operator, it's one word, declared a stage three energy emergency alert. Let me tell you how bad that is. That's worse than stage one or two. Tuesday evening, that's when they declared it. That's pretty, isn't it? That's it.

Warning that, we talk about people hacking into our grid, other countries. I could take that out with a Chinese kite. A super soaker. I could shut off half of Los Angeles. Emergency Tuesday evening warning that rotating power outages were very possible. I love it. As brutal heat wave, again, they're blaming on the heat wave. Walloping the state, pushed electricity demands to its limits is it really is that what it is is it the heat or is it the um 60 million illegals that have come in in the last 20 years and everybody else from all over the world living in your state you think that might have something to do with nah danger will robinson danger no will robinson danger All under the hands of Governor Newsom, who thinks he's going to be president. Energy emergency alert

three with rotating hashtag power outage is very possible. Please reduce your energy use to California. Independent system operator. Maybe you don't want to be so independent. First of all, they rely on other people's power during the day. Why are you calling yourself independent? They fucking lie about everything.

California ISO, that's short for what I just said, warned residents earlier Tuesday to be prepared for the possibility. They just said this in the first paragraph, you fucks. Leave that in. Of rotating power and issued an emergency alert from 2 to 4. Why would they have to repeat what they just told us? The only thing different is they give us the times at the end. And why didn't I catch it while I was reading it?

Emergency alert from 2 to 4 p.m. Two? Dude, this is two? Two of them, two? Two of them from 4 to 9 p.m. God, I'm retired. Shut up, thick ankle. Let's take a listen to, is this the governor?

No. Okay. This is what's going on in California. Oh, this is the guy that a doctor, it was so hot out there, a doctor went for a walk during his lunch break, and look what happened to him. Oh, my God. That was hardly worth it.

That's me after a bowl of chili. Good night, everybody. Walk, walk, walk. Some 67,000 Californians without power Monday evening according to the poweroutage.us. That's great when you've got a website called poweroutage.us. Oh, my aching stem. What else you got? Starvingkids.org. While ongoing power outages affected more than 40,000 Pacific Gas and Electric Company customers across 28 counties. What a nightmare. Between the violence, the crime, fucking 19 other languages, 19, how about 119 being spoiled? What a shithole. An emergency declaration Monday evening pulled additional resources onto the system when the power grid was dipping into reserves.

And there was the risk of power outages. They're living like it's 1968 when we didn't even know how to, we didn't have a real power grid. Peak demand was more than 49,000 megawatts. That's a little less than my amp I'm buying. little less than my amp I'm buying. California governor, California governor Newsom wearing what appeared to be a fleece jacket, not in that picture, and hat. Check him out.

Look, good day for a fleece. He's on the Italian that's 112. Issued a statement Tuesday commending California's efforts so far, but qualified that everyone needs to double down to save energy after 4 p.m. Can you imagine living like this and paying the taxes that you guys do out there? Just think about it. You're so stupid. Anybody living there is retarded. What the fuck are you doing? Crying through just a,

and this, this shapeshifter, this Marxist piece of garbage who had the balls to go to the White House. Remember, we saw him come out the back door, like trying to send us a signal. Absolutely embarrassing. But listen to what he's telling and how you have to live in california here's specifically what you can do in the early morning hours particularly tomorrow and the next day or so pre-cool your home run your air conditioning earlier in the day when more power is available and we encourage you to close your windows and blinds. Yeah, but see, I can't pre-cool my home in the morning because I work three jobs. I have to leave at 6 a.m. and my husband's out working

if there's a husband in the house. And nobody's home to shut it off. Although, well, you can do it from the remote thing they have now. No, I can't. I can't afford that shit. I'm selling weed to school children in fucking Santa Monica to make ends meet, you cunt.

Go ahead. To keep your home cool as well. And today and tomorrow afternoon after 4 p.m., in particular 4 p.m., please turn your thermostat up to 78 degrees or higher. What? And avoid to the extent possible using any really large appliances. Pause. Avoid to the extent possible using any really large appliances.

Pause. Guys, this is the green state. They're all in on green. What we got to make sacrifices now. For what? 42 generations from now? They're borrowing power. I'll say it again, and you guys know this.

Do you know what makes electricity fossil fuels? And not to mention electric cars and lithium batteries. We already discussed every mineral you need for that. It's like an Iran in the middle of the West. You're such jerk-offs. Do you understand? We're sitting on enough energy here forever. Oh, my God.

Can you imagine? It's 2022. You're paying about, what, 60% of your paycheck in taxes? And they're going, don't use your washing machine. Let the kids smell like shit for the next week. Don't, don't, don't turn on that flat screen. What are you, nuts? This is how we lived in the 70s when Jimmy Carter was president. It was a little bit of an energy. My father would, you know, leave the lights on the kitchen. My old man would knock you out. What are you, a Carter fan? Okay, let... Oh, fucking idiot!

Visit FlexAlert.org to learn more about what you can do. Californians, you've rallied before, and we can do it again. Keep it up. I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior. And I don't like you, jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you jerk-off. What a dink.

Can you imagine? It's gotta be embarrassing. These are the pro-green, we're moving ahead with solar panels and wind and shit. You know? It's like, we don't expect it to happen overnight, but this shows you, you're not even, you're not even the on-deck circle yet. You're still

in the fucking clubhouse taking a dump. It's the third inning, you big girl. Oh, my God. Stay with it. State energy officials said the electric load. I was reading the instructions of my wife's vibrator, and that term showed up like a ton. Tuesday afternoon could top 51,000 megawatts. That's 1,000 less megawatts than Nugent used when he played at Arrowhead Stadium. The highest demand the state has ever seen. That's because it's over populated, you dinks. The Kaizo, that's short for whatever, California, I suck.

Sight Tuesday morning show California could fall more than, listen to this, 5,000 megawatts short of its power supply at peak demand, forecasted for 5.30 p.m. You know, put your heat on 78?

Put your temperature on 78? Put your temperature on 78? Are you shitting me? I'm laying on my couch and we have it on 70 and my head is soaked like I just played tennis for two hours. You put it on 70? Wow. A lot of divorces coming. California's energy

grid runs on a mix mostly of Yoo-hoo and scotch and a touch of fucking cranberry juice. Mostly solar and natural gas during the day, along with some imports of power from other states. But solar power begins to fall off. Why don't those other states do what Putin's doing to Europe and go, no, we're not giving you any more. Until you start, until you squash that bill that you put through about no gas cars in 2035, we're not giving you nothing.

Hose yourself down. Anyways, fall during the late afternoon and into the evening, which is the hottest time of day in some parts of that state. And some aging natural gas plants California relies on for backup power aren't as reliable in hot weather. Only when you need it. Could you fail on a bigger scale? Guys are embarrassing. The golden state. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. embarrassing. The golden state. Yeah. Anyhow, any he. This show is entirely supported, you know, by you listeners. And again, about staff of 40 underage Indian girls. Thank you to those who joined on Patreon this past week. Those who made contributions, please contribute to do so, and I'll promise I'll keep working to spread honest and direct comedy and commentary through the show. You can contribute at nickdip.com, and I'll read your name on the show. It'll change your life. Thank you. Thank you.

Have a great show, Frank. Anyways, headline. pipe down. Russia claims punitive economic sanctions imposed on it by the West are responsible for the indefinite halt to gas supplies via Europe's main pipeline. You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. Yes, you are. Problems in pumping arose. Do they really think we buy this shit? They really are like the mafia. Hope nothing happens to your storefront window.

Problem in pumping arose because of the sanctions imposed against our country and against a number of companies by Western states. They don't mean California and Utah either. Germany and the U.K. Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov told reporters on Monday, it looks like he wouldn't lie, according to Russian state news agency Interfax. So it's because of the sanctions from europe that they have trouble pumping

which that's why they're not pumping anything oh my god just say why you be honest asking whether pumping gas via nord stream and let me repeat that it's nord n-o-r-d stream one uh it's important i'll show why, was completely dependent on the sanctions. Sure it was. And that supplies would resume if these were lifted or relaxed. It's funny how that money was airmarked for that, especially.

Peskov replied. Oh, somebody asked him if that money was airmarked. That's a sick question. You're a sick fucker. I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it.

It is precisely these sanctions that the Western states have introduced that have brought the situation to what we see now. Put universal remote in docking station. That's for you Soprano fans out there. fucking station. That's for you Soprano fans out there. Coming directly from the Kremlin, such comments represent the clearest indication that Russia is seeking to pressure Europe to lift the economic measures. They put sanctions on it because of Ukraine and all that shit, folks. You know what I'm saying? By the way, Ukraine, if you do your homework, they're as totalitarian as anybody right now, shutting down political opponents, shutting down networks, and Biden, everybody's

behind that. Which makes sense, I guess. That's what they probably want here. To lift economic measures brought on to punish Russia over its unprovoked invasion of Ukraine in order for the taps to be turned back on again. We'll have to lift those.

What a mess. Are we not on the brink of World War III? I mean, could anything else be? You know what I mean? You got the Chinese and the Taiwan shit going on over there. You got this over here. Fucking jerk off running the country here, his son. Russia state-owned energy giant Gazprom.

I had terrible Gaz at the prom. Good night. I think it was the chicken. Hey, what? That blew some of these ears out. Halted all exports via Nord Stream 1 from August 31st, or as Karine Jean-Pierre calls it, and this is the black gay woman spokesperson who checked all the boxes,

but when you hire people like that this is what you get you've heard us say this that what what we see russia's doing and we've been very clear about this is that they're using energy they're weaponizing energy and it's choosing to to one of the things that has been out there to shut down the pipeline of Nordstrom 1. Ah! They shut down Nordstrom's. Apparently it ran on oil from Russia. They shut down Nordstrom's. And we have to lift those sanctions or I'm not going to be able

to go to TJ Maxx next week. I mean, what's the world coming to? You know Macy's gets half of its energy from fucking China? Oh my God., my God. Oh, my God. Uh-oh. Retard alert.

Retard alert. Nice going affirmative action. She has no right, no right to be within 1,000 miles of that podium. We always made fun of the redhead, but you know what? After watch, the redhead was damn good at lying. I mean, we all wanted to punch her in the head, but it's not her fault. Citing maintenance work on its only remaining compressor. However, while flows were due to, she called mode stream one, to resume after three days. Gazprom on Friday cited, so they were going to resume it, right?

Here's the work we, I don't know why this is in here. This is the work we haven't done in my new bathroom. This is the pipes running from the toilets to the, this is my wife's vibrator in the background. Good night, everybody. After three days, Gazprom on Friday cited an oil leak for the indefinite shutdown of the pipeline. Guys, you realize Europe is like, they rely heavily on Russia. They're already making plans. You can't get firewood in Germany right now and shit for the winter. It's going to be great. They should shoot it all in black and

white too. So it'll look better in 20 years. You know what I mean? You don't feel bad for people when they're starving to death behind a barbed wire fence if it is on high depth. Especially in 4K, yeah. Yeah, right? In 4K? Exactly. The shock announcement came hot on the heels of a joint statement from the G7 economic powers backing a proposal to put a price and cap mechanism on Russian oil. Yeah, that's going to...

Good luck, Russia. That's Europe, you know. Those are supposed to be allies and shit. What is this? I don't know much about history. Don't know much of... Anyways, let's move on to a country that I absolutely used to adore and uh

but now trudeau a true douche that is the uh headline With glowing hearts we see thee rise, The true North strong and free and both far and wide oh canada we stand on guard for thee god keep our land I don't know. Who the fuck? Political leaders in Canada are moving forward with plans, get this, to impose further restrictions on online free speech. The whole world, guys, do you, they have assembled, and don't think this isn't already here or coming,

they have assembled an expert advisory group. Sounds familiar, doesn't it, Dale? Like the board we put together with that loopy broad. Remember who sang about whatever the fuck? What did they call that? The information whatever. That went away in a hurry. Yeah, remember they were going to decide what's disinformation. Anyways, they've assembled an expert advisory group in Canada

to develop so-called online harm. What do I say to you people about it's always to protect you from harm? That's how they, it's under the guise that for your safety, what's best for you. Don't they know some of us read? What am I getting upset for? It's Canada. I don't even do the festival anymore. Expert advisor to develop so-called online harm.

I wish this was around when I was doing the festival, because I hosted the Nasty show two, three years ago. I would have been out of there in cuffs. It would have been great. Online harm. Online harm, Bill. I got news for you, Canada, you fucking poutine-eating jerk-offs. Nobody's ever been harmed online. Not online itself. Has shit been planned to harm? Sure. That's what it's for. It's nice. Online harm bills which hold online service

providers responsible. Now you're holding a company's responsible for addressing harmful content on their platforms and creating a safe online space that will protect all Canadians. According to the government's dirty website. Who said that? Trudeau. Who the fuck said that? That French fag, blackface.

Who's the crime of those commoner shit-twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? I'll tell you who. No way, was it Roger? Roger Doucette. However, folks, others worry that the Canadian government is stoking fears regarding hate speech, child exploitation, the sharing of nonconsensual images, incitements to violence and terrorism, all of which are already illegal. See, they use that to protect you from that, but there's already laws there. It's the same tactics that jerk-offs use in this country to pass sweeping restrictions against free speech that the

government just plain doesn't like. Yes, sir. Exactly. I know you all can see through it. Do you know Trudeau might be the bastard child of Fidel Castro? I mean, Jesus Christ. Even Fidel would be like, hey, take it easy, son. You're getting a little nuts over here, all right?

Here's two tickets to the Canadians. Relax. Douglas Blair, an American writing for the Daily Signal, warns that Canadian Prime Minister Justin... Please give me a call. Trudeau's brand of authoritarian

speech policing may soon metastasize in the United States like a lump on Hillary Clinton's tit and spread to her prostate and ass crack and eat her away like a rebel army. Look at Trudeau wearing my mother's wig. And the United States citing Trudeau's stringent crackdown on the truckers of the Freedom Convoy, remember that? God forbid, who were protesting continued government shutdowns early this year. Blair claims that elites in both Canada and America will ruthlessly enforce orthodoxy towards leftist positions.

No shit, they're already doing it. And accuse peaceful protests against them as hate speech. That's exactly right. You are correct, sir. That's exactly right. It are correct, sir. That's exactly right. It's already going on here. You question the goddamn election results from 2020 and you're a goddamn rebel rouser.

You're a domestic terrorist. You're a white supremacist. You're everything. You're a threat to democracy. Joe wouldn't know democracy if it bit him on his gray, sagging, great dang nuts. Am I right, folks? Let's take a look at this video.

I have no idea what it is. Throw that fucker up there. Nigga, get the fuck up. Oh! Now what you gonna do? Oh, you gonna do something? That needed some explaining. I was gonna say, this is what every Canadian wants to do to Trudeau.

Can we take another look at that? That actually stung me. At least my dad... Of course it's one in the afternoon, they're not at school or at work. Fucking useless. Anyways, the one clip that I didn't explain. Hey, Nick, what are you doing? You're talking about Canada. You got a brother smacking a guy in the face. What's the matter with you? What the fuck's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? Anyways. Hey, guys, let me roast a buddy or say happy birthday to your mom when she picks her bra up at my house through Cameo. I really like doing these. And Dallas has the link on the screen. He's that good with the technology. Go there, and you can see some of the Cameos I've done

and why I'll be arrested in a couple weeks. Order one for yourself, or just go to Cameo, search my name. It's fun. Headline, nap time. Nap time. Now, what in God's name? Where are you going with this, Nick? I don't know. I really don't. Nap time. Now, what in God's name? Where are you going with this, Nick? I don't know.

I really... Hear ye! Oh, yeah. Hear ye! The coat's in session. The coat's in session. Now, here come the judge. Here come the judge.

A California judge. How do you say that again? The scion? I looked it up last night. I think it's the scion. You know, S-C-I-O-N. I like to again? The scion? I looked it up last night. I think it's the scion. You know, S-C-I-O-N. I like to go, the scion of a powerful, that's just a rich kid who's an heir of a rich fucking jerk,

powerful Democratic family, granted an ex-con a mistrial for, listen to this, granted an ex-con a mistrial for an alleged violent McDonald's robbery. You know why they gave it a mistrial? Because he was sleepy in court and couldn't take proper notes. Again, such a racist country, huh?

Fox News Digital has learned. L.A. Superior Court jurist Daniel Lowenthal, not helping the Jewish argument here, whose Democratic congressman father endorsed the city's embattled top prosecutor George Gascogne. What more do you need to know about Lowenthal and how he was brought up? That his old man backed this piece of shit.

I don't want to be anti-Semitic here. I'm trying not to, but... Made the ruling on Wednesday. Of course, here's the name of the... of the suspect. Vamasey Elgin Banks. 24 years old. Looks like he's 36. Looks like a backup singer for the OJs,

was on trial for allegedly pointing a gun at the head of a McDonald's cashier and threatened to kill her if she didn't hand over cash quickly enough. He then saw his own sweater on the mirror and ran out. Hey, Bill Cosby called. Fucking dinkweed. on the mayor and ran out. Hey, Bill Cosby called. Fucking dinkweed. Hurry up or I'll blow your brains out,

said the angry minority. Banks allegedly told the victim. He made off, yeah, allegedly. We have to check that out. He made off with less than 100 bucks. That's a shitty McDonald's. Christ, I spent that much at the drive-thru yesterday from the McDonald's on East 4th Street in Long Beach.

There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. His court appointed defense lawyer, Alan Nagasone, argued that Banks couldn't take adequate notes during a court session because he had been put in a cell without a blanket or bed the night before and was unable to sleep properly. Oh, for you. Have you ever been fucking separated? The argument was enough for Lowenthal, who ripped the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department for negligence and granted the mistrial request.

Deputy District Attorney Tricia Halstead, a girl with balls, pushed back on Nagasone's argument in court, asking the judge if he had actually seen Banks nod off at the defense table. She said, did he fall asleep? She asked him, did your honor see him fall asleep? Lowenthal deferred the question to Nagasone. My client was nodding, the defense lawyer reiterated. With that, Lowenthal made his ruling. Wow. Essentially, this court has lost. Now, they make it out to be he's trying to teach the sheriff's department a lesson because, well, probably because they're understaffed or under budgeted, Judge. I don't know that for a fact, but it's so poorly run or whatever that, you know, he's trying to prove a point. But also holding cells don't have beds and blankets.

Yeah, holding cells, you're right. It's got a toilet that nine guys share. Essentially, this court has lost complete confidence in the sheriff's department's ability to provide proper housing arrangements he's yeah sorry the four seasons was taken up by uh 400 mexicans judge wow could you fuck this country up anymore. A mistrial was declared. You're out of order. You're out of order. The whole trial is out of order. They're out of order.

Don't you care, Arthur. Don't you care. That's all I remember from that movie. Oh, Pacino was so good. Lowenthal's father, Alan Lowenthal, Democrat, California. Thank you for clarifying. That's a nice head of hair. The progressive congressman endorsed Gascon.

L.A. County's controversial soft on crime. Soft on crime? How about pro-crime prosecutor who narrowly survived a recall bid this month? No, he didn't. Another fix is in. Fuck off. Problem? You're the fucking problem. Yeah, low and low. You fucking Dr. Y onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble. I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me,

I'm gonna put you in the fucking ground. I promise you. Not this time. Finally tonight, this little piggy went to the ugly market. A mutant piglet has bizarrely been welcomed as the bringer of good fortune after... I've done about four of these stories since I've been doing this show.

It's always in some shithole like India, Third World, where I have a theory on it. A farmer gets lonely, fucks a pig. I really do. I believe it. We did one a year or two ago. It had half a human face. How do you explain that? Look, just like the goddamn farmer.

Bringer of good fortune after it was born with an elephant-like trunk on its forehead. Yeah, either that or a guy's fucking dick. Put it up. Check it out. Oh, my God. That looks like every girl that dates NFL players. The strange-looking creature was born as a one-of-a-kind litter of 12 on Friday in Gahit on the island of Negros in the Philippines. Look at that succulent thing.

What else you got? Put that on a stick. Do we have other? We got it. Please try your call later. It looks fake. It looks fake. You got more pictures, right?

Look at that. Not only is it ugly, it's fresh. Sticking his tongue out. Oh my God. I think I'm pro-choice now. He's looking at you, kid. Can you imagine? Some people have had a baby like that. He's looking at you, kid. Can you imagine? Some people have had a baby like that.

That's where I go, maybe they're right at Planned Parenthood. Throw that thing in a dumpster. Look at that. That's a drunk Jimmy Durante. Look at that. Oh, my God. It's in a good mood. How is that thing sitting up? Were they just posing it?

Teasing it? Why does it have my hands? Oh my god. The mutant animal's tongue is freakishly seen sticking out of its mouth while the farmer's wife kept trying to get in the bedroom that night with the pig while its bright blue eyes bulged out of its head like Kathy Griffin being porked resembling more fish than a hooved animal. They say that's a sign of good luck.

I say it's fucking devil. I don't. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. The woman whose sow gave birth to the piglet says, she was stunned by the sight of it. But then she said, it's no uglier than my husband's 70-year-old cock. Cut.

Speaking of her shock, Daillin Delotta Dezabil, 18, said, we're all shocked that its face was like that. She said, the father

who I slept much better looking. It looks like an elephant with a snout on its forehead. I'm telling you, it's your dad's dick. Its two eyes

are close together and its feet are big like an elephant's what the I don't know kind of elephant you guys got what do you see elephant every time Rosie O'Donnell comes in a room she's playing a new tough cop on TV. Yeah. Once you're a Hollywood lib, snatch lap, you're in for life.

Anyways, the daughter said, I was surprised and pitied it. Then I threw gas on it. They say it's lucky because of the piglet's strange face. Tria, tell that to fucking, again, Kathy Griffin. Somebody's thinking somebody ugly. Tragically, the newborn wasn't so fortunate enough as it only survived.

Thank God for the poor thing. A short while. It was only 30 minutes before it died, said Dale, and it died because he couldn't breathe properly. Wow, you don't say. That fucking hibiscus didn't, uh, anyway. He's gone and we couldn't do nothing about it. Yeah, you could. You could have fucking thrown it in the river. The devastated 18 year old said she couldn't think of

a reason as to why the piglet, a female born to a healthy mother, should have died. Maybe out of embarrassment. There's one. All right, that's it. Before I go, I'd like to thank, again, hey, Stellar last night. First thing I do, I get up in the morning after I have two parliaments and take a dump. You know why I said that? Because I was the McDonald,

I mean the Dunkin' Donuts thing on SNL. Did you ever see that? I don't feel appreciated because you're not really a Boston guy. Casey Affleck was hosting. So they did a spoof on a Dunkin' Donuts commercial because that's huge. You know, he's a Massachusetts guy, Boston. It's the funniest takeoff they ever did on that show. I swear to God.

Just Google it when you get time. But he says, it's my morning routine. I'll drink a large, have a couple of pollens, take a big dump, go to work. I'll cut it out. I'm really happy to welcome all of our new patrons. Thank you to, listen to this. This is just since last night.

We're getting back to where we, before your YouTube stepped in my throat. Pedro Navaja and Walter Bowers, who moved from the Comics Gym, I'm going to get to Patreon. Don't forget to do that, folks. And 12 Monkeys. That's, 12 Monkeys is a single guy. Former Masshole. Jeff Hansen, dateline.

Mick Zeller. Southern underscore son. Others underscore 1217. David Isgro. I also want to give a special welcome to the, oh, I'm sorry. Those are the guys. Huh? They did what? My wife wrote this. I'm going to give a special welcome to the, oh, I'm sorry, those are the guys, huh?

They did what? My wife wrote this. I'm going to go home and choke her. I also want to give a special welcome to the following new patrons that signed up under our new veteran and military tier, which we love. We created this level as a way to thank you for all that you sacrifice, so I have the freedom to say the things that I can say on this show. Thank you, guys. Thank you specifically to Robert Putnam. What does that say? Dr. Mr. Charlie? Sean Strasser? Stephen Estes? Wade? Jeff? These are military. Larry Ramey, and Billy Ice.

For those of you that want to support the show with a one-time or automated monthly contribution without signing up at Patreon, you can do that at nickdip.com forward slash podcast and click on the contribution link. You can use a credit or debit card, PayPal, Cash App, or Venmo. Credit or debit card, PayPal, Cash App, or Venmo. Thank you to also Joseph Weiss, Paul Sagnella, Grant Downing for making contributions yesterday too. Again, thank all of you guys. The show's growing like we hoped it would.

That is it. Don't forget Cameo.com. I think we already did that. You guys think and I'll say, you're very welcome. See you back here tomorrow. Take care. guitar solo Thanks for watching!