The Nick DiPaolo Show - Chicago A No-Go Zone | Nick Di Paolo Show #1385

Episode Date: April 20, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about SNL's new low, a win for pro-lifers and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Yeah, welcome. It's a Thursday. How are you, folks? Welcome to the show. The Antichrist. You got me in a vendetta kind of mood. Oh, I don't think it's my fault, bitch. How you guys doing? Did you see me on Crowder this morning? If you didn't, come catch me tomorrow night. I'll be in St. Charles, Missouri at the Funny Bone.

And then Saturday night at the Funny Bone in St. Louis proper. Haven't been there in a while. I can't wait. Good barbecue. I'm always confused. I think Gates is in, Gates Barbecue is in Kansas City. Then again, Kansas City, Missouri, I mean. And so they might, they probably have one in St. Louis.

Folks, I've been doing this forever, all right? I've done New Year's Eve at the Funny Bone, St. Louis. I fucking can't remember the last time I was there. It was great. I just remember a kid being so drunk, I watched him try to fucking push a pull door for like 30 seconds to get into the show. So that was fucking Jim Dandy. And I went, I remember this, I went up in that goddamn arch, which was like designed by the same guys who designed the concentration camps.

You get in a little mail basket with another person. It's like a fucking laundry cart with wheels. And your knees are up against the person facing you, you don't know. You're about to die with a stranger. It starts going up. It moves it fucking. The acorn stair lift my grandmother had is faster. Fucking took about 11 hours to get to the top.

And then you get to the top, there's a window. It's six by four inches. Eighty people trying to look out of it. Yeah, there's a guy being raped in East St. Louis, and there's a Budweiser sign. All right. Okay, I'm exaggerating. It was terrific. The ride down was great.

Me and the guy made out. Anyhow, yeah. So that and I went to a St. Louis Cardinals game. This I do remember. Whatever Bush State. Everything has Bush on it. I don't know. All I remember is moving down because because it was in the afternoon,

it wasn't that crowded, the crowd must have sucked. I moved down to the fucking third base side, about 25 rows from the first row, you know, sitting, and I remember a group of cute girls, me flirting with them and getting nothing. I'm like, hey! They pretended to watch baseball. Chicks watch baseball.

Come on. Anyhow, yeah, those are my fond memories of St. Louis. Great club, though. Had a great weekend there. Again, it was in the late hundreds, 1800s. All right, let's get to the news, shall we? Make me a sandwich. Make me a fucking sandwich!

Eh, really? In our shut up and make me a sandwich segment tonight, did you see SNL? Oh, my God. Haven't they heard the phrase fucking go woke, go broke, even though the show's been pretty stinky for a long time, especially once Trump became president? Very predictable.

But I still hang in there. I told you guys this on a previous show, because every once in a while, like they did remember we showed last week Trump comparing himself to Jesus and again I hate their politics but it was well written and funny I'm not one of those like libs who won't laugh at a guy like me because I have a different point of view those fucking people ought to die of some type of really painful cancer, lung or bone marrow. Am I getting? Okay.

Saturday Night Live dedicated a portion of its weekend update segment early Sunday to condemn the anti-transgender legislation, have a sandwich, being passed in states around America. Molly Kearney. There she is, a giant blueberry. That's right. Highlight that gunt. Look at that.

Look at that triangle. Oh, just fill that with hair. Nothing, Dallas? Would that be the gunt? Yeah, that's the gunt. That is the gunt. Molly Kearney, the sk skits shows first non-binary cast member which is important right dropped into the guest seat via a harness to uh slam politicians

trying to eliminate health care for transgender um for transgender youth so y'all fat fuck look at you know that's a perfect uh topic for good comedy transgender youth let me tell you something and i know rush used to say this and i picked up on it before i knew who rush limbaugh i used to say to my uh my friends you guys that vote democrat do you ever have a good day you just wake up talking about aids and and and oh and you know back then i didn't know that was virtue signaling that means i'm a good person i'm thinking about that and you know, back then, I didn't know that was virtue signaling. That means I'm a good person. I'm thinking about that shit. You know, they've never had a good day in their life. Let's take a fucking, the greatest comedy show ever and bury it with this garbage.

They learn nothing from Bud Light. I can tell she's not funny from looking at her. Nick, you can't prejudge. Yeah, you can. Kearney immediately, she slackened into a poker phase to discuss the wave of states restricting gender-affirming care to children in recent weeks. Boy, you can just, it's just a pot of gola comedy in there. Huh? At least third.

We've got the video, too, if you want to catch that. Oh, did I? Yes. Fuck it. Let's take a look. And I knew the minute she sailed into the picture, she wasn't funny. But go ahead. His first non-binary cast member, it's Molly.

She's already trying too hard. Listen to the dumb applause. Made it. Thank you, Mr. Che. Molly, what is all this? Well, as you know, I've been wanting to come to Update and talk about trans people, but I have for a much longer time than that wanted to fly down from the ceiling. And did it live up to your expectations? Yeah, but I'm not going to lie, this harness is pretty tight and my groin area is beefed.

Strike one. I've been hung up on my genitals for far too long, and I'm starting to feel like a frickin' Republican lawmaker. Hello! Strike two. Don't throw the hello in there. Do you get anything? Strike two.

Hello! I'm telling you, I've been watching the show forever. That might have been the... It goes on for another three minutes. It was just forced and unfunny and of course the live audience has to pause anytime you say transgender out of reflection of political correctness at least 13 states have enacted and nearly two dozen dozens uh others are considering laws that would limit or ban the right to medically transition from the gender they were assigned at birth.

Restricting health care for kids. Is that what they're doing or trying to save them? Liar, liar, liar. Just put a nice name on it. For some reason, there's something about the word trans that makes people forget the word kids. No. Actually, it's just the opposite. They're trying to protect kids. You know,

girls from having mastectomies at 12. Castration for boys. You couldn't be more wrong, Chubby. And more unfunny. If you don't care about trans kids' lives, it means you don't care about freaking kids' lives. Ugh. Liar, liar whore, liar whore, you know it. Of course she gets a round of applause. Kearney, who uses they them pronouns, she should, she's 400 pounds, it's a definite they,

said the laws are dangerous for the country's youth and don't protect them in the way politicians claim they... Shut up! Ah! Fuck it, eh? What's happening, kids, is wrong, and you don't need to be scared. Our job is to protect you. Listen to all the comedy, rich material, huh? Our job is to protect you, and your job is to focus on being a kid. It's kind of like me flying in the SNL sky, whatever the fuck that is. There's a... I wish she pulled an Owen Hart.

That's the wrestler who fettled his death. Then she says there's a bunch of dudes asking you about your crotch and where you're allowed to pee. But if you just hang on, you'll up and realize you're flying, kids. You're lying. The fuck? And you're a, kids. What the fuck? And you're a piece of shit. Can I get a translator?

Because I don't speak retarded. What did any of that mean? Flying gunt woman. Look how that thing's highlighting her. Oh, my God. So fat and unfunny. Great combination. This is what happens when you hire people that just check boxes and don't have talent.

Anyways, in the second half of the show, folks, I'm going to be talking about the thugs in Chicago running around and just pulling people out of their cars and beating them. Not during a protest. Just having some good black fun. Oop, I shouldn't say that. Some good fun. And their mayor, who's to the left of Lori Lightfoot. I'm sure he's all upset about that. That's, I shouldn't say that. Some good fun. And their mayor, who's to the left of Lori Lightfoot, I'm sure he's all upset about that. That's what I'm going to be talking about.

You don't want to miss that, because I sort of let it fly. It's exclusive, only on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdapaloshow.com Let's move on, shall we? Baby Killer buys it. Oh boy.

A former Planned Parenthood director suspected of child pornography. More people filled with character on the left. Don't worry, I know this pedophile's all over, of all political persuasion. I'm just saying. Suspected of not ones that kill babies too. This guy's so stupid, he's killing what he loves. Think about that. It's like when they remember people saying Judas Priest, you're too young probably. In the 70s, their music was making kids commit suicide. Somebody said, why would

they be trying to kill their audience? That's how they make it. Parenthood director, suspected of child pornography crimes, was found dead by suicide Tuesday in New Haven, Connecticut. Oh, too bad. Hey, take it easy.

Tim Yergo, you're going to hell. Hey, there's a young Nicholson. I got the fag flag behind me. Tim Yergo, 35, of New Haven, reportedly killed himself five days after police raided his apartment as part of a child pornography investigation. Oh, cut him down. Cut him down. Yergo worked at the abortion chain for approximately four years.

He worked the wood chipper there. From... He worked the ninja. Four years from 2018 to 2022 as the director of strategic communications for Planned... Yeah, a lot of strategy. Let's kill him now. Planned Parenthood of Southern New England. An Instagram profile that the Blaze identified as his shows numerous photos of his

pro-abortion advocacy, including wearing a Planned Parenthood t-shirt and participating in pro-abortion events. New Haven police chief Carl Jacobson told the Middleton press that the person who died was definitely the suspect in a child pornography investigation and the person who committed suicide. Of course it was. Hey, don't get too upset, Planned Parenthood people. Just think of it as a really, really late-term abortion. It was an open investigation, so he knew he was going to be arrested, Jacobson added. Bye-bye, dickhead. This is not the first time a Planned Parenthood employee

has been accused of sex-related crimes. Former Planned Parenthood abortionist Roger Ian Hardy, you remember him, he was the bass player for the Animals, was accused... What? I don't know. It's a young fucking Peter Jennings. Was accused of sexually molesting several former patients.

There you go. That's what you want to do. And female staffers in 2016 before he fled the country. The abortion chain has also had a long history of ignoring or helping to cover up sexual abuse, especially involving underage chicks. Meanwhile, Planned Parenthood aborted more than 383,000 unborn babies in 2020. They had a good year. Going to sign them to a long-term contract while bringing in more than, listen, more money than ever before. And they're out there complaining that, you know, abortion is being

restricted and making money on it like they're selling. Well, they do. They sell body parts and I was going to say that kiddingly. But anyways, yeah, more than ever, they made 1.7 billion in income added in part by 633 million taxpayer dollars. Isn't a Hyde Amendment supposed to be in there, something where your money doesn't go to shit? Planned Parenthood's political arm also donates huge amounts of money to electing Democrats to office. Anybody picking up on a pattern? And guys, I'm not fucking super pro-life, you know?

Like I said, I have a whole bit about it, some of my best material, some of the...but they're aborting babies way too late. How do we know when the abortion's over? You'll hear the lunchbox hit the floor. Shit like that. And it goes on and on. You guys will love it in St. Louis. Anyways, I, I, but yes, now they, you're pushing me to, since Roe v. Wade, what was it, 63 million abortions? I mean, come on. It's ridiculous. And at eight, nine months. Its patient numbers have been dropping steady in recent years. It's like they're talking about sales of fucking Goodyear tires.

You know what I'm saying? Got to get them up, Johnson. Your department only killed 141,000. Get off your ass and do something. Pick up a coat hanger. Get out of here. Steadily in recent years, and numerous reports of alleged unethical and illegal activities, including...

My eyes are so blurry, I thought it said sailing aborted... Sailing aborted baby body parts, botching abortions that killed women, covering up the sexual abuse of minors. Funny, I haven't heard any of the shit mentioned in the mainstream media news. Exploding young girls by selling cross-sex hormones and a lot more. You know why? They really think that they are the fucking end-all be-all of...

I am like God. That's what all of. I am like God. That's what they think. And God like me. I am as large as God. He is as small as I. He cannot above me nor I. Beneath him be. The latest 17th century.

That's what they say to the girls after the abortion. It's creepy. Shut up. Oh my God. For those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of this show. Everyone else, go to nickdapaloshow.com and join to get my full show and Crowder's full show and a lot more and while you're there uh to get tickets to see me live in st louis on april 21 and 22 uh daytona beach florida may 12th

arlington virginia july 14th and 15th uh click on that tour button at nick de palo show dot com DickDepaloShow.com guitar solo Bye.