The Nick DiPaolo Show - China Syn-drone | Nick Di Paolo Show #337

Episode Date: April 21, 2020

Biden Obama, again? Trump stopping immigration. Nick the Chef. Thank you Doron M. from Valley Village, CA for your "Ask Nick!" question and for your continued support on Patreon! FREE! MONDAY - THURSDAY 5PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

Hey guys, Nick DiPale here. I just wanted to drop you a note. Thanking you so much for supporting the show in these tough times. I know, you know, everybody's feeling this coronavirus effect. But you guys have come through with flying colors supporting the show. Whether it's a one-time contribution at nickdip.com. Whether it's signing up for patreon.com becoming a monthly a monthly subscriber or sponsoring the show if you have a business which isn't shuttered right now we can't tell you how much it means to us um you know and one thing that stays steady even through a pandemic is the politics the media

has just revved it up even more against trump saying he's not handling this right blah blah blah blaming him for everything which is all a crock of shit right you got to be tired of uh of left-leaning news it's all that's on tv really other than fox news so if you need a break from that want to have a few laughs and you believe in free speech like I do, tune in to the Nick DiPaolo podcast. Go to nickdip.com. You can watch it on YouTube. And when you do watch it on YouTube, click that button below and become a subscriber. That makes my numbers goes up. It makes sponsors want to advertise on the show and we can continue this. You guys have been tremendous through this. I can't thank you enough. All right. That's all I wanted to say.

So now I'd like you to enjoy the show. So enjoy. guitar solo Welcome to the show on a Tuesday. How are you folks? Tuesday from Georgia. And yeah. Loving it. Sunny, dry, beautiful. Talking to people up at Mass in Massachusetts it's snowing here

can't believe I've become that guy oh you fucking guys are idiots but uh what's happening uh welcome to the big show don't forget I'm off next week but we will run the best of or some interviews some you know you know, interesting, whatever, funny shit. To keep your mind occupied during Corona, Corona, people are getting itchy to get out. I don't know when. Some comedy clubs are never coming back, I heard already. I don't know how they're making that prediction, but somebody's explaining small business to me and, uh, oof, glad I tell jokes for a living, I'll tell tell you that's what attracted me to comedy in the first place i remember jay leno saying in an article like 30 years ago love comedy you know

i show up tell joe get check that's that because i don't know how to handle money i don't understand that i listen to these briefings and uh steve mnuchin who's the most powerful guy right now in the trump administration or trying to organize are you shitting me i can't balance a checkbook and uh mama mia but small businesses they got i know enough i've been around comedy clubs long enough to sit in the office with an owner and see you know uh you're gonna pay the ice guy you're gonna pay the food guy you get they have all these creditors thousands we're gonna pay the rent and uh you know they they're never they're never more than a month or two ahead as far as bringing money in, and then they're going to pay the staff. And again, sell weed, everybody. Oh, that's right.

That's legalized, too. So I don't know how the fuck that's... Anyways, it's taken a toll on people mentally, I guess, already, just like it will if the economy crashes. But here's a great example. Who do I hate more than anybody? It's feminists. Not that I hate feminism. It had a place. You know, women should get paid for doing equal work. I agree with all that.

But there's some, it has warped the brains of some women to the point where they are so they just hate men do i hear a leaf blower okay it's me uh check out this people say liberalism is a mental illness check out this feminist and and how fucking brainwash she is that men have to blame everything including Corona. Anytime, Razza Dasan. I am having a hard time seeing what's

happening. It's like the layers of denial are coming off. The band-aid is coming off and I can't ignore this like it's okay because it's not. I don't know how so many of the masculine structures can actually stand by and watch this happen. It's our fault. It's men's fault. How can the men and the people and the structures that are supposed to be protecting us stand by and watch this happen? Oh, pause. You're a feminist, but you're waiting for a man's help?

How unfeminist of you. This is all men's fault. Meanwhile, you got Dr. Birx, who's on TV every day helping save the world. We get Kismia, the black racist woman, who works for the NIH. Go ahead. I wonder what happened to this girl. Like, people laugh at me and say that it's not rape, and it is.

Who's raping me? This is rape! This is rape! This is rape! Like, yeah, it's a private business, and like, to me, that supports rape culture what

thank god your barber's closed it's insane like I feel like I am losing my fucking mind like and how how is anyone else like just like holding it together how the fuck are you holding it together watch out because I'm

holding it together? I've been holding it together and I can't anymore you left you it go a long time ago, crazy. This is crazy. You're fucking nuts. This is fucking crazy. You fucking whore. And all I can think about is like I want to feel someone's skin on mine. I want to feel a strong body next to me.

I want to feel protected through this and I don't feel protected. Not by me. Pause. Why? She doesn't feel protected. not by me. Pause. Why? She doesn't feel protected. This is, you understand, she's like a militant feminist, and she's saying just the opposite, looking for somebody strong to protect her and shit. First of all, get out of your car.

Fucking nut, go ahead. I want to feel the man. I want to feel the man here I want to feel the men here. Where are the fucking men? You need to shut the fuck up. This is very bad. I'm letting this happen. Men are letting this happen.

Whoa! This is rape. This is rape. This is rape. Ah! Enough. That's enough. She goes on for eight minutes. You don't believe liberalism is a mental illness. Oh, she's just a outlier. Not all people like bullshit. She's a fucking Rosie O'Donnell. Call Ellen. You fucking skinhead.

Disgusting. This should be a clip on the show, by the way, that they put up. Make a note, Raz. Oh, my God. Do you see what? Do you see how ingrained it is? She is a victim to the 10th power. There's a lot of strong women out there. Like I said, Dr. Birx is out there handling this shit. And even Kismika, who I hate, she's a whitey

hater, but she's out there doing her science. Probably cheated off somebody. Probably a Chinese person. That would be ironic. Speaking of strong women, Michelle Obama, as you know, she played. She's a strong safety for the Broncos in the early 2000s. She led the league in tackles one year, got a neck on her like a pit bull. Doesn't like white people either. Just my opinion. Big smile. You don't fool me. Anyways, you know who likes her? Joe Biden. If Joe Biden likes you, that might have been a compliment 40 years ago. But Joe Biden, you know what he says? Thinking about putting Michelle on the ticket, he says, I'd take her in a heartbeat. As the vice president. Let's here he is.

When you think of Pittsburgh, what do you think of? The Steelers. I spent a lot of time in Pittsburgh, too, as you probably know. Yes, I played for the Steelers in the 1970s and that. I like it a lot. Look at it. I love Hawaii. As I said, they're the people I grew up with. Look at those mountains. Middle class, working class folks who bust their neck. I like to bust your neck in three places.

I did well, but went through some really tough times. Where are you in naming that running mate? What are we doing? And what's going on right now? That person would be a woman of color. No, I'll commit that it'd be a woman because I think it's very important that the that my administration look like look like the public look like the nation. And there will be I committed there will be a woman of color on the Supreme Court. Doesn't mean there won't be a vice president.

All right. Can you imagine? Not even looking at merit. Not even looking at merit. He's going to put a woman of color. I don't care if she's qualified or not. Yeah, Wendy Williams. She's free. Why don't you throw her on there?

Now I got to worry about fucking Oprah. I got to worry about Janet Jackson. I got to worry about Lizzo. Oh, fucking idiot! Go ahead. As well, in terms of who to pick, we're just beginning the process. We'll shortly be announcing the committee I've named

to review this and to begin to look through the backgrounds of the various potential nominees. And that's just getting underway. I've heard some speculation about Michelle Obama as vice president. If she said to you she'd be willing to be your running mate, would you ask her? Oh, I'd take her in a heartbeat. She's she's brilliant. She's yeah, she knows the way around. She is a really fine way around the kitchen. What the fuck? God, she didn't even think about I'd take her. What else could he say? Can you imagine asking a white politician that's running for president?

Nah. I don't really like anybody. I don't like girls who have shoulders wider than mine and might have a cock. You need to shut the fuck up. Ah, please. No, they're ignorant. That's ignorant. I take her heartbeat.

Imagine a Biden-Obama ticket, having a Biden-Obama, you know, as opposed to Obama-Biden. Aye, aye, aye. I'm still saying this guy will never be the nominee come November. It won't be. It's going to be, who's it going to be? Sherry Shepard from The View. Somebody like that that's got some juice, got some pull. Who's the fat black woman comic who I like?

Begins with an M, whereas. Nothing? Monique! You got it. Come on, you fucking, you studied African American studies. Wasn't there a whole fucking semester? Well, just no precious.

Yes! Throw precious on the ticket. The ticket will go like this. I like Monique. I walked into Caroline's one night and she was up there ripping it, man. And I went in the green room and talked to her. Fucking makes me laugh. A lot of funny people out there.

Anyways, Michelle Obama's not one of them, and I don't think she'd want to work with Biden. I know, you know, Barack came out and endorsed him, but he's sitting at the kitchen table. Michelle going, you fucking, I work with this guy. He's crazy. He's a shithouse rat. Anyways, on to Corona Corona. Donald Trump, that would be the president of the United States, says he'll temporarily suspend immigration to the United States while the Chinese coronavirus crisis continues to claim American lives. You know, 80 percent.

They did a poll. 80 percent of the Americans think this is a good idea. What happened to all you fucking borderless people? We shouldn't have borders in the world and open the gates, let everybody, what happened? Oh, a little thing called the virus brought you around, huh? I'm waiting for, I guarantee you, the next couple of days, there'll be people calling him racist and shit and whatever. But they can't argue with the numbers. They did it during the depression, actually. They shut down immigration during the depression and it worked. It got a lot of people.

You can't be competing for jobs when, you know, we're this close to the Great Depression. So let's see if he gets any blowback from Pelosi. And if they don't give him shit, then they're hypocrites because they always do. And, you know, he's a white supremacist. On Monday evening, Trump said he'll pause all immigration to the U.S., a moratorium that has not been enacted for 40 years, while at least 22 million Americans are unemployed due to mandatory business closures by state governments. And he says, Trump, in light of the attack from the invisible enemy, as well as the need to protect the jobs of our great American citizens,

I'll be signing an executive order. It's the perfect order. And so you saw it. It's a perfect order to temporarily suspend immigration into the United States. I think even people agree with it. Build that wall.

Build that wall. Build that wall. Build that wall. Build that wall. Build that wall. Now I'm doing puppets. Trump's upcoming executive order to pause immigration is widely supported by American voters. In an Ipsos poll related this month found that nearly 8 in 10 Americans, about 79 percent, want a full halt to immigration. Boy, they've changed their tune. Likewise, the latest Pew Research Center survey reveals that more than 80 percent of American adults call mass migration to the U.S. a threat.

During the Great Depression, for instance, mass unemployment was eased by major cuts to legal immigration levels that stay below 100,000 annual emissions for nearly 15 years from 1931 to 1945. Trump's authority over immigration, like all other presidents, is vast and broad. Speaking of broad, what happened to Stormy Daniels? Right now, you know, she's on stage in Tennessee. Some guy spraying her with Schlitz. In June 2018, the U.S. Supreme Court reaffirmed the president's control over legal immigration in Trump versus Hawaii. What happened to that little Hawaiian hateful congressman that hates Trump? You know, the very manly one. What the fuck was her name?

Poi? Pineapple Poi? In Trump versus Hawaii, the court stated the president has extraordinarily broad discretion to admit or exclude foreign nationals from the United States when they believe doing so is in the national, it's always in the national interest. Ask poor black and brown people who have to compete with these people that pour in. Not just that, the N1 visas, all the Indians and Asians that, you know, come over here, companies hire them for cheap, and the poor people that they fire have to train them. Can you imagine, Disney?

Can you imagine? But here's why this is a, excuse me, here's why there's a lot of controversy right now with governors opening up, wanting America back to work, you know, Trump pushing for that. Why is it controversial? Because who, as we call the World Health Organization,

the head of it warns worst of virus is still ahead of us. You've got to be kidding. Who the fuck are you? Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you? You know who it is? It's General Tedros Ednaman. There he is. He's the one that works in cahoots with China

to hide this thing. This guy's fucking word is worth nothing. He didn't specify why he believes the outbreak that has infected some 2.5 million people, killed over 166 large, could get worse. He and others, however, have previously pointed to the likely future spread

of the illness through Africa, where health systems are far less developed. Oh, why is that? There's still shitting in holes over there, in coffee cans. But, you know, Zemeika, or Kizmeika, would would tell you otherwise we should model what they're doing. Trust us. The worst is yet ahead of us. We don't trust you, Ted Rose.

We've already caught you lying. And as we speak, they're digging into you and China playing footsie this whole time. You help them hide it when this shit started. And, uh, there's a petition right now, over a million signatures to get rid of this guy

as the word health organization. Kind of looks like me in about 20 years. Get the same shirt on, glasses. Anyways, some Asian and European governments have gradually eased or started relaxing the lockdown measures like quarantine school and business closures and restrictions on public gatherings citing a decline in the growth of covid19 the chinese virus uh tedros and his agency have been on the defensive after trump took him to the fucking cleaners

trump of the united states uh the world Health Organization's biggest single donor last week, had ordered a halt to U.S. funding for the agency, alleging that it botched the early response to the outbreak, which is true. They're researching it right now. Not just us, not just Trump pissed at this guy. The whole world's pissed at this guy. But, you know, it's hard to fire him. Tidro said there is no secret in the World Health Organization because keeping things confidential is secret is dangerous.

It's a health. What a fucking. Oh, my God. You're lying. And you're a piece of shit. Tidro said U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention staffers have been seconded to work with his agency, suggesting that was a sign of the World Health Organization's transparency. Having CD, he said, having CDC staff at WHO means there is nothing hidden from the U.S. from day one.

You just fucking liar. Every, the last weekend, last two weeks, they've been digging into this. Just lying to the world. Our CDC colleagues also know that we give information immediately to anyone. In one of his starkest comparisons yet, the UN Health Agency chief also alluded to the so-called Spanish flu more than a century ago, saying the coronavirus has a very dangerous combination. It's a dangerous combination, like the 1918 flu that killed up to 100 million people. And if you were in charge, it would have been 200 million. You're dope. Tedros called the illness

public enemy number one. I disagree with that. Public enemy number one, I would say, is Nancy Pelosi and the guy that delivers her ice cream. Did you see that video? We have been warning from day one, this is a devil that everybody should fight. I don't, yeah. Your mother sucks cocks in hell. Is that the devil you're talking about?

Tedros? Yeah, fucking silly bitch. Just lying to the world. We're very transparent here. Do you know they won't even let us in the labs to see where it, I saw a guy on TV last night, and he's Chinese, by the way, but he's a Chinese American.

He writes books about how China's going to collapse. There's a photo, he said, they took a picture of the labs, China put it up, state-run media, of the lab where everybody's saying it leaked from. They took pictures. In the picture, you can see a refrigerator, and Mr. Chang, who studied this,

says you can see the seals rotting on the side, who studied this, says you can see the seals rotting on the side of the refrigerator. The seals that go around the refrigerator door. Which might be, again, the way it leaked out into the fucking room and then out the door. But Mr.

Tedros, you know, he's just full of poop. All's I know is, folks, get a podcast for yourself. Okay? I don't care if you get puppets. Put your dog on there. Whatever. I'm telling you. Can you think of a better job?

I mean, right now, during the coronavirus than a podcast. Yes. Short order cook in a Chinese kitchen. I wonder how that's going to hurt business after we come out of this. Anybody going to a Chinese restaurant? Not their fault, but I'm just saying, you don't know what you're getting. General Tso's chicken could be fucking, you know, could be turtle balls.

Those fucking people. Man, do they eat anything? And again, I'll eat anything myself, but, you know, let the turtle die before you start chewing on its belly. That video still makes me sick. So it's a lot of controversy between whether we should open up America. But you know who's made up his mind? Governor Kemp right here in Georgia.

I get proud now when I watch TV and I see his story about Georgia coming across the bottom on the scroll. It's like, we made fucking that. It's my statement. Georgia to allow some shuttered businesses to reopen amid a pandemic, everybody. Brian Kemp outlined plans Monday, he's the governor, to allow some businesses shuttered amid the coronavirus to reopen by the end of the week as he starts to ease restrictions that have ravaged the state's economy to stem the spread of the disease. The governor's orders will allow gyms. Thank Christ. I'm turning my shed into a gym. It looks like Mr. T where he worked out Rocky three, just the shit hole doing pull-ups on a two by four and there's rats under my feet when I'm doing squats. Bowling alleys, thank God for that.

I mean, Jesus Christ, what do we do? Salons, Raz can get his toes done. And some other indoor facilities closed under a shelter in place or to resume operations by this Friday if they comply with social distancing requirements and meet other safety standards. And restaurants which were banned from in-person dining will be allowed to reopen on April 27th if they meet guidelines his office will release later this week. Theaters will also be covered

by those new standards. Bars and nightclubs will stay shut. I am so dying to go to World of Beer and just sit at that counter. Oh, they have 30,000 delicious beers. Some of them are from Austria. They have 80% alcohol. You take two sips, it's like you did heroin. Fucking love that place. I don't give a damn about politics, Kemp said.

He said he's more concerned about Georgians going broke, worried about whether they can feed their children and make the mortgage payment. The shelter in place, which is set to last through April 30th, remains in effect, though Kemp urged the medically fragile to remain at home through May 13th. Excuse me. In other developments, Kemp said more hospitals would be cleared to resume elective surgeries. Finally, I can get those calves done.

And he said Georgia would engage in broader partnership with the higher education system to double down on increasing testing capacity. The Georgia National Guard will also dispatch 10 new strike teams to help administer testing. Kemp urged Georgians to download a free app this week from Augusta University to screen for the disease. How does that work? Raz, you're a tech guy. How do you detect with an app? You stick the phone up your ass, leave it there for a minute, swab the mouthpiece. And the governor, who has wrestled with the idea of banning in-person religious services, and the governor who has wrestled with the idea of banning in-person religious services said religious leaders can resume them if they adhere to the state's safety policy. So you are religious people. That's good news, aren't you?

I am not God and God like me. I am as large as God. He is as small as I. He cannot above me nor I. But he's here to be. Sir, there he is. 17th century. Governor Kemp in 2020.

He was met immediately with criticism from public health experts and others who worried his measures were too aggressive. As opposed to, as opposed to what? Governor Whitmer in Michigan? The guy, Governor Murphy in frigging New Jersey who has drones flying over your house to see if you're doing the right thing? You guys should be creeped the fuck out.

Arresting a guy on a beach by himself. Then you had the guy in Colorado playing baseball with his little kid and his wife. And they put him in cuffs. Do you see what's happening here? You all shit your pants about the Patriot Act after 9-11. Now you should really be shitting yourself. Because some of these things are going to change forever. Where's the ACLU on this?

things are going to change forever where's the aclu on this uh anyways if you open up enough it's almost uh for certain who is saying this uh the virus will hit georgia again said dr mark lipsitch a professor of epidemiology at harvard's i can't even talk too much coffee epidemiology at Harvard's, I can't even talk, too much coffee, epidemiology at Harvard's T.D. Chan School of, oh my God, the fucking thing? T.D. Chan. It's a medical school at Harvard named after a Chinese guy. The fuck's going on out here? They have, you know,

they have schools on college campuses in this country, it's called the School of Confucius, where they, yeah, we sold, they played us on college campuses in this country. It's called the School of Confucius. Well, they, yeah, we sold, they played us like a fiddle, man. Nick, you're just a bigot and a racer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just waiting for more susceptible people and more contacts.

That's how this virus works. You know what, Nancy? Shut up! Shut, shut, shut, shut, shut up! Shut up! I'd say to Dr, shut, shut up! Shut up! I'd say to Dr. Mark Lipschitz, what's the alternative, huh? Letting these people who can't feed their kids commit suicide.

That's what happens. Look at the Great Depression. People lose their shit. Some businesses are never coming back. That's the people you're going to feel. And it really is true. I really do believe if you keep doing this, you do permanent damage to the economy and people will be committing suicide. Anxieties are through the roof. Not me. I play the piano and the trumpet. I'm fine. $130 Casio. I've touched it three times over there.

I bought a goddamn Casio. Played the first three notes to this fucking Canadian national anthem and I haven't touched it since. Oh, Canada. Speaking of that, I never did the cover of that mass shooting in Canada, 16 people,

a couple days ago. Democrats almost blasted his decision as short-sighted. Stacey Abrams, you remember her? The fat black woman who ran for governor of Georgia and lost, but she wouldn't admit she lost for like a year. Kept fucking whining about it. Even now she goes, I think I really was. She was Kemp's opponent in 2018. She called the approach dangerously incompetent. Yeah, and so is overeating

and diabetes. That doesn't scare you. Okay, Stacey, have a yodel and shut your hole. And state rep B. Nugent in Atlanta urged Georgians to take caution. There's no way I'm getting a haircut or dining at a restaurant, even though I really want to, Stacey Abrams said. Or is that rep B. Nugent? I guess that's Rep B. There's a woman named B. When's the last woman named B? Aunt B. Andy, I made some apple pie. Andy, I'm a thick-ankled dog face. Those shows are so goddamn funny.

Didn't like them as a kid that much. Ever watch Green Acres? And by the way, Eb died in Green Acres. Remember Eb? Tom Lester was his real name. My fucking wife loves him. Got an autographed picture

of Eb in her office. So I was laughing when she came home. I go, look who dropped dead. She was more upset than about anything. He did. Anyways, this is going to get more Georgians killed, this person said. I don't know who the fuck.

You fat, nasty black bitch. Hey, hey. A week ago, Kemp said it was too early to tell when he would start to nix restrictions, and he maintained that his focus was on boosting testing capacity and preparing for an expected surge in patients. Since then, though, the governor was buoyed by a new forecasting model that suggests Georgia has already passed its peak of daily COVID-19 deaths, though experts warn that more testing is needed to measure the scope of the disease and to isolate future outbreaks. Kemp engaged in talks over the weekend with neighboring governors about forming the same sort of regional compact already in place between states in the northeast, the Midwest and the West Coast. I don't know about that. He thinks we've sort of flattened the curve in Georgia, but I don't know.

have sort of flattened the curve in Georgia, but I don't know. That story we did yesterday, everybody was hoping the summer heat would whack it around. Turns out it has to be like the temperature of the sun before it dies, which is about right in fucking Georgia in July. Jesus Christ, my balls were stuck for my legs from end of May till about September. legs from end of May till about September. The chafing was horrendous. Hey guys, you know, one of our favorite sponsors, thedonaldstuff.com is a major sponsor of our show, as you know, and they just lowered their prices on most of their shirts and the Nick DiPaolo collection. I got a, I got a collection, you know, like fucking Yves Saint Laurent and Calvin Klein to under 20 bucks, under $20 right now. Look at you can see by the fucking new and improved tide.

1999 is a few of the images flatten that curve policy never look better. Look at Trump grabbing that ass. There's me with the dumbest look on my face ever. And that's what South Magazine used for the cover for that story. I should say there's Sam Giancana. There's Trump laid down. So, yeah, not only are these shirts under 20 bucks today, if you use the promo code Nick, you get another 10% off. Anyway, lots of great stuff on thedonaldstuff.com. Go there. Check out all the gear.

Don't forget to use the promo code Nick, N-I-C-K. And we thank them for sponsoring the show, the Twitter King. That must really eat Twitter alive, huh? Because, you know, Twitter is just an anti-Trump, well, anti-conservative, anti-Republican, and nobody has made Twitter more famous than this guy or used it more effectively. Raz, here's a question for you, and I don't know, you might not see this discussed on Meet the Press or Face the Nation. Can the coronavirus be spread through farts? That's an actual question out there.

Two Australian doctors are weighing in about the spread of the coronavirus down under. Whether it can spread through farts. During Friday's episode of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation's Coronacast podcast, producer and host Dr. Norman Swan made a cautionary suggestion when it comes to particles of feces set adrift within a fart and the spread of the covid that's hillary shitting her pants, that's gross,

my wife taught to explain this to me a long time ago, how when somebody farts, his shit particles in the air, and I said you're crazy, turns out, you got doo-doo on your face, doogie, he says, this is what the doctor says or whatever the pod yeah dr norman swan

no bare bottom farting i told raz he has to wear underwear now he likes to run free swan advised about posterior pandemic panic in a measured mildly amused tone he says you don't fart close to other people yeah you, you do. That's when it's funniest. You've never dropped a silent one in an elevator? Jim Norton used to do that, little pig. Would be in an elevator with 10 people, you know, at Sirius Radio, he'd get on, drop just to fuck and then get off on the next floor.

And I'd see him with a smirk on his face. He was the most evil fuck. He'd do it on the set of Tough Crowd. Oh, my God. Just the worst. And then when you called him on it, he'd get this smirk on his face and deny it. What? I didn't.

Meanwhile, Australian emergency physician Dr. Andy Tagg also floated the question via Twitter asking, So can the bottom-based emissions of someone with coronavirus be silent and deadly? Oh, and he a funny motherfucker. Tagg pondered whether flatulence itself is an aerosol generating procedure. I think the answer is yes. A recent study, in fact, suggested a post flush toilet plume. Even when you flush your toilet. I read this years ago.

You flush your toilet, there's a spray that comes up. That's why I shit in the backyard behind a nice tree. And you know what I do after I shit in the yard? I do this like my dog does. I did that when we were camping. Oh, my wife laughed. So be careful. You've got to wear underwear. That acts as a face mask for your asshole, basically. It's an N95. A recent study, in fact, suggested a post-flush toilet pump could even be cause for concern when it comes to spreading the virus aerosol feces they call it plus scientists have confirmed that fecal oral

transmission what's everybody having a bowl of shit for breakfast what the fuck is fecal oral luckily i don't eat ass fecal oral transmission itself is an issue due to the presence of the virus in poop. That is why health officials in Oregon and the local Applebee's stop serving their death by chocolate. This is so childish. These are doctors, I'm quoting. Don't make fun of me. That is why health officials in Oregon and New York have even cautioned against oral contact with feces. Yeah, I'm always sitting there with a big log in my mouth. What the fuck?

What are they talking about? What the hell's going on out here? What the hell's going on out here? That's all backed up by Dr. Aaron. Boys, a lot of doctors weighing in on this shit. No pun intended. That's all backed up by Dr. Aaron Glatt, Mount Sinai South Nassau epidemiologist and professor of medicine at the Econ School of Medicine at Mount Sinai.

Studies have clearly shown that a significant percentage of COVID-19 patients do have gastrointestinal symptoms alone or in combination with respiratory or other general symptoms at the time of illness. However, there are no published data on whether flatulence alone presents any risk of transmission, although in a clothed person. What's this woman? Is that a woman farting in the picture? Or is she having a heavy day? What's with the red?

That fart looks like it smells good. It's cherry blossoms. It would be unlikely to be significant route of transmission. Just don't eat ass, okay? Can you do that till May 15th? Did you see the lady on the bench holding her nose? I guess it's probably her husband, whatever,

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a question and you get access to all the shows we've done um new monthly supporters kirk gregory elliot burn mike patek brett gesner chris manikner, Chris Manakmal. Manakmal. Thank you guys so much. That's patriot.com. And again, if you have a company out there, you want to sponsor the show, as we have some new sponsors coming online, go to nickdip.com. We'd love to talk to you about that. Let's break up the corona.

We'll get back to it. I mean, it is a pandemic, But let's ease it up a little. As you know, I like to cook. I don't have many hobbies. I was a jock from a kid right through college. I was a jock. I was very competitive. I left all the shit on the field.

I don't care anymore. You can beat me. It's whatever. Badminton. I don't give a fuck. I cook now. I cook like a bitch. I cook like a bitch. I cook like a bitch.

Even though most of the best chefs in the world are male. But Manny Dwarman, the guy that owned the comedy cell, this is why he was my favorite. 72-year-old guy. I'm telling him the shit I cook and stuff. He looks at me and goes, fag. This guy's like brilliant. He calls me a fag. I miss that guy. Anyways, we talk. talk me and raz talk about all the time my lemon meringue pie that uh made a few mistakes there anybody want some lemon soup

it's at my house uh anyways why am i talking most americans this is a poll agree that knowing how to cook is a turn on the study of 2 000 americans found 71 percent said cooking is their love language in fact when it comes to settling down for good for good finding a partner who can cook was a top priority for two out of three respondents. The survey was commissioned by the Little Potato Company. Two in three Americans polled, agreed they would be more likely to go on a first date with somebody if they mentioned they were a good cook. Everybody's going to, every guy out there now is going to just put pictures of shit they never made. In addition, four in five said if a first date talked about how they like to cook, they'd

be much more open to a second date with them. This isn't going to work, though, because you know why? Even if you're a good cook and you're a single guy and you're trying to get pussy, here's the problem. When you bring the girl to a restaurant on a first date and she orders that $80 lobster, she's got to blow you. But if you cook for her, she's not going to feel the same pressure. What a horrible thing to say. Yeah, hashtag my nipples. According to the results,

listen to this, Rez. The most surefire way to somebody's heart is to cook them a meal. Beating out flowers, phone calls, even presents is the best way to impress a romantic partner. Are you getting this? Make me a best way to impress a romantic partner. Are you getting this? Make me a sandwich.

Make me a fucking sandwich. And you can skip the fancy night out at a restaurant. Nearly double the number of respondents say they prefer a home-cooked meal. Where were these broads when I was dating? Yeah, I'm going to make you a fucking BLT. Fuck that. We're going to Le Cirque. If you want to get my pants,

you better fucking do something other than make me a PB&J. Almost two-thirds said they've learned to cook or tried to get better at cooking to impress a date or a partner. Funnily, funny enough though, listen to this. One in three Americans has actually tried

to pass off store-bought food as their own cooking in an attempt to get laid. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. The top three most romantic meals you can cook for a potential partner were found to be steak and potatoes. How is that romantic? I don't think too many women would be impressed with a steak and potato.

You know, in half of the broads now don't even touch red meat. impressed with a steak and potato. You know, half of the broads now don't even touch red meat. They might touch yours if you cook them a nice fucking cat tofu. Steak and potatoes? That's like something a fucking rapist would order for his

last meal. How is that romantic? Steak and potatoes was one. I understand the next one. Pasta and garlic bread. Yeah, that gives it a nice kissing breath. 40%. 34%. And chicken and veggies.

How faggy is that? 28%. Cooking is truly an act of love. Yeah, so is anal. Listen. Even if you're not an accomplished chef, you can still show people you care about them with a home-cooked meal, said Angela Santiago, who's 4'1", 611 pounds. CEO and co-founder of Little Potato Company. According to the results, 43% of Americans would give up coffee if it meant somebody cooked them dinner every night. And over one in three, 35%, would even give up a planned vacation.

Fuck that. I'm going to St. Bart's. You can make me fucking lobster Thermidor. Fuck that. I'm going to St. Bart's. You can make me fucking lobster Thermidor. Fuck that. I'm going to St. Bart's. Real quickly, here's a list of the top 10 most romantic home-cooked meals. Steak, potatoes, pasta, garlic bread, chicken, veggie. Number four, pizza and salad, which I understand. Pizza's fun to make, especially if you're with somebody. I've mastered pizza. I'm going to show you a few pictures in a few seconds. Very hard to do in a home oven because, you know,

pizza ovens get up to 900 degrees and shit, so it's very hard to make a nice crisp pizza without, but it took me a few years, you know, trial and error. I got it down. Burger and fries. Oh, yeah, that gets a girl wet.

Let's go to Fuddruckers, Diane. Fuck you. Here's one that would get you laid. Lobster and mac and cheese. 20%. Number seven, soup. What? What are you, dating an anorexic?

Fucking soup's not going to get anybody laid. What are you going to have Michael Strahan's mother come out with chunky style? Hold the bitch down. Number eight, tacos. Tacos and sushi. Well, that's kind of, you think about it. It's six.

Tacos is eight, sushi nine. Risotto. That's a tricky one. Risotto takes a while 12 if i cook somebody risotto you better be getting cuckoo here's some of the shit i made i've been cooking for years look at that that jumped on my plate did you catch that i did yes i did i caught it at the fish market up the street i reached into the what is it called rus Russo's fish market? I fucking love it in there. People are so friendly, man. They fucking, uh, yeah, look at that.

Chicken piccata. Don't that, doesn't that look professionally done? I even took the pictures. That was in my Westchester house. I can tell from the counters. Look at that piccata. I masturbate to these pictures. I'll put my beef stew against anybody. It is so goddamn good.

Next. Look at that. That's a Wolfgang Puck recipe. How good does that look? It has baby arugula on it and prosciutto and mother of God. Seriously, at my age, that's better than looking at a fucking naked broad. Except for that golfer.

There you go. How healthy is that, huh? Look at that. That's London broil. Look at it. Just cooked perfectly. And this is my favorite, a pulpo cattoccio. I had this in Florence, Italy, and the waiter was nice enough to explain to me how they make it.

And we have this about eight times a year it is so goddamn good and you can eat that all day it's really healthy for you next and there's uh another Wolfgang Puck recipe uh chicken with a mustard sauce and see this you want to get fat in a hurry that's banana bread pudding only made with croissants this shit's easy. People go, I can't, if you can follow directions, when you're in your car, somebody gives you directions. Oh, 1978.

I know you got GPS now. Can you, can you follow your GPS? You fucking, you know, anyways. And that's, ah, lobster arrabbiata. Lobster, what could be lobster and pasta with like hot cherry peppers in there? That one. Mother of God. I came twice before I get. Here's my chicken. A little overdone. Again, if it's a Chinese restaurant, that could be poodle fucking pinkie knees. You don't know

what else we got. See that? This got Raz drooling. That's collard greens. Pieces of smoked ham hock in there. It is fucking killer. What's that? I cooked a baby at my house. I chopped off his toes and put it on this pizza. Check the bottom, shall we?

Let's check the bottom. How that... Look at that. Oh, that's a nice... That's a the bottom. How that. Look at that. Oh, that's a nice. That's a nice pie. That's our shitty kitchen. We haven't fucking redone the kitchen at this house. We've only been in there a year.

I hate it. In Westchester, I had an island. You know, it wasn't huge, but I had room. Here, every time I go to fuck, I knock over something. So anyways, if you want to get laid, they're saying, guys or girls, cook. But young girls and millennials take pride in not knowing how to cook because it shows that they're, you know, I'm not my mother. I'm not going to stay home and bake cookies.

I'll lick your taint, but I ain't going to make you no biscottis. Hey, we got another sponsor on the show. We love these guys. As many of you know, I've moved down here from New York last year, and it is. It's been one of the best decisions I've made. Anyway, the guys at Roofing Remedies in Atlanta are big fans of this show and are now sponsors, and I really appreciate it.

Like I said, these guys are right out of Atlanta, Georgia. They do great work. Commercial roof repair. Picture? Residential roof repair. Metal roofs. Shingle roofs. You name it.

You burn the roof of your mouth, they'll fucking fix it. You've got tax return money or stimulus money burning a hole in your pocket, and you need your roof fixed? Check out these guys at roofingremediesrepairs.net. I know I wouldn't be, you don't want to be on a roof in Georgia after April. Unless you want, you know, fucking cancer of the back. Let them handle it. They're professionals.

They do really nice work. That's roofingremediesrepairs.net. and we thank them for sponsoring the nick the polo show it's nice to have a local sponsor here's a story that got my nipples in a bunch ladies and gentlemen chinese company suspected of spying on u.s citizens donates police drones to 22 states. I'll repeat that. These drones are made in China. Drones. They fly over your house.

They suck up information. There's little computers in them. And we're dumb enough to buy the shit from China as they're studying our infrastructure. I just, I'm sorry. I don't trust them. I kill you. I kill you right now. Kill me. I'm right. I don't trust them. I kill you. I kill you right now.

Kill me. I'm right here. Kill me. Okay, I come with two chopsticks. I shove up your ass. Two chopsticks. Come over here. Talk to me in the face.

I got some booty. Okay, I'll take my drone over. Chinese company, Dajang. Isn't that a rapper? Out of Wuhan? Dajang up in his motherfucker. Dajang Innovations, the world's largest maker of drones,

has donated drones to 43 law enforcement agencies. Just give them the key to the house, why don't you? Operating in 22 U.S. states to enforce social distancing. You guys should be shitting your pants that governors of your states are working in cahoots with fucking China. Police in Elizabeth, New new jersey for example are using the drones to surveil residents in places where patrol cars can't easily reach can we get any more orwellian such as spaces between buildings and backyards if these drones save one life it is clearly worth the activity and the information that drones are sending.

You know who said that? Elizabeth. Mayor. Elizabeth is the town. Mayor Chris Bulwage said that. You stupid fucking blabbermouth cunt! In 2017, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security warned in a memo, this is three years ago, 2017, the U.S. Department of Homeland Security warned in a memo, this is three years ago, that DGI, that's the Chinese company, was selectively targeting government and privately owned entities within these sectors to expand its ability to collect and exploit sensitive U.S. data. That was three years ago. Now we got this coronavirus thing that started from them. We're not even sure they didn't even invent it on purpose.

And now we're using their drone. They have to be belly laughing over there. The Chinese have to be going, they are the stupidest people. The Interior Department in 2019 grounded its entire fleet of DJI manufactured drones, which have been used to surveil U.S. land due to concerns that China was using the drones to gather data on critical U.S. infrastructure. DGAI has asserted that concerns about its drones are groundless. What do you think they're going to say, for Christ's sake? Nothing to see here. Please disperse. Nothing to see here. Please. This is what the guy that works for the Chinese company says.

There are people who don't like China, but they are trying to score ideological points by trying to discourage the use of equipment and important tools that save lives. We're not fucking buying your shit. DGI spokesman Alex Lisberg said that in response

to allegations of spying. And to you I say, Ms. Lisberg. Thank you. Chinese authorities have developed drones to police citizens breaking lockdown rules during the coronavirus pandemic. Footage gathered from police UAVs show the drones operated by police on the ground warning residents. This is in China, by the way, by loudspeaker to return to their homes. Residents of China have faced sweeping lockdowns in response to the virus with reports of authorities

locking some citizens in their homes for quarantine. Some people died in China in their apartments because the government locked them in. But let's buy their shit. Let's rely on them to provide antibiotics to make our fucking lawn furniture and everything else.

We're going to have to boycott these motherfuckers. You know what's really hitting hard? The coronavirus in prisons, especially this one in Ohio. Ohio's done a good job. This guy, DeWine, he came down hard on this shit before the other governors. My brother lives in Ohio. He called me today. He was throwing up blood, but he's all right.

73% of inmates at an Ohio prison test positive for coronavirus. That's not good. Get a little music for the story. A state prison's become a hotspot of COVID-19 outbreak in Ohio with at least 1,828 confirmed cases among inmates. Accounting for the majority of cases in Marion County, which leads Ohio in reported infections. Officials are saying the reason that is they're testing everybody in the prisons. That's why the numbers are up. A lot of these guys didn't have any symptoms.

They tested them anyways. All right, relax, Kelly. The large cluster of cases was found through mass testing of everyone at Marion Correctional Institution. 109 of the staff were also positive. No COVID-19 deaths have been reported at the prison. And they're saying because we test everyone, including those who are not showing symptoms, we're getting positive test results

on individuals who otherwise would have never been tested because they were asymptomatic. There are currently 2,400 coronavirus cases among inmates in Ohio State prisons, along with 244 staff members. The numbers could rise this week. A prison in Pickaway County began mass testing on Sunday,

with Ohio reporting some 12,990 corona cases as of Monday, which isn't that bad for that state. The prison system now accounts for more than 20%. And you know what our friend Kizmika is saying? Yeah, it's more proof. Targeting black people. friend Kismika is saying, yeah, it's more proof targeting black people. No other state has reported as many as many cases as COVID-19 behind bars as Ohio, in large part because no other state has tested as many inmates as they have.

So also makes sense. I don't like nobody touching me. Any of you homos touch me and I'll kill you. Texas, California, Florida, and Georgia all have larger prison populations than Ohio, but those states all report significantly fewer Corona cases. New York state, who's nearly 250,000 cases account for roughly a third of all U.S. cases, reports just over a thousand coronavirus cases in its prison system. That's because they're not testing everybody and doing the same thing. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, Ohio Governor Mike DeWine recently recommended early release

for about 300 of the 49,000 inmates who are in Ohio's prison system, far short of the thousands of people the state's American Civil Liberties Union chapter said should be released. As you know, the ACLU is a far left terrorist group. Don't be fooled by this stupid name. They do anything to destroy this friggin country. With dozens of staff testing positive for the virus at the Marion and Pickaway prisons. Members of the Ohio National Guard are being deployed to bolster operations. So the gist of that story is the more people you test.

Hey, Raz, the show's almost over. You got a question? I do. We talked a lot about sex this show, so. Yeah. Doron M sex this show, so. Yeah. Doron M., Valley Village, California. At what point in your career did the pussy start falling into your lap? That would be when I became an exotic dancer. After comedy wasn't kicking in about four years in, and they were just sitting on me. That is well worded.

Did the pussy start falling into your lap? It doesn't fall into any comics lap, let me tell you. And I did as good as anybody. I was kind of a cute kid. But it ain't like being a rock star when you come off and there's 19

broads under 20 lined up to blow you. At a comedy club, you come off, you just rip the tits off the crowd, and everybody's there with their fucking boyfriend or husband. And then you got the coat check girl with the lazy eye. She's about 40 pounds overweight. She'll suck your dick right there. No, you can, you know, being a funny guy, come on, you look at all the, every time they interview women, what do you want in a guy?

Fucking sense of humor is like first. So it, yeah, I did well for a few years. I had my own testing kit. I had a chlamydia testing kit I'd bring on the road. You bang a girl, the next day you're pissed and you set off the smoke alarm. There's flames coming out of your cock. But to answer your question about my second open mic, I was starting to get hit on. Mostly guys, but I fuck those waiters.

They need them. Check this video out. Maybe we'll end on a light note. Boy, I get enough stories for a week here. What was I doing? Raz? So I'm doing coke last night at my house.

Check this. This is why I love the South folks. You don't see much of this shit going on. And let's say in New York city or Connecticut, but this is a video. It says Alabama and a fucking cow got loose, runs into somebody's backyard. Watch what happens. All right, I thought y'all wanted to see this video.

My niece sent me. I'm just going to do this real quick. Show it to you. What we got here? What we got here? We got two dogs chasing a cow out in somebody's backyard. What in the world?

The hell is this? Oh, dog bites cow. Oh,. What in the world? The hell is this? Oh, dog bites cow. Oh, cow is in the pool. Oh, my goodness. Dog is going in the pool after the cow. That's Hillary in Westchester. Oh, my goodness. They are in the deep end.

They are in the deep end. Dog is biting cow. Cow puts him under the water, dunks him. Run through a motherfucker face. We got dog number two on the side of the pool. Dog number one is going after cow again. Somebody help the baby. The cow's under the diving board.

Oh, he's getting out the pool. Oh, he can't get out. He can't get out. They both stuck in the pool. In the deep end, over the head. What in the world? What's this in the back? Oh, my goodness.

We got a cowboy coming in. We got a cowboy coming in. Oh, he's got a lasso. Oh my goodness. Guy on a horse with a lasso. Oh, two cowboys. Literally, if you're listening to the audio. Oh my goodness, cow trying to get out. He's in the shallow end.

Lasso. Oh, he's doing a lasso thing. Oh my goodness, he got the cow with a lasso. Did you see that? Oh my goodness, first shot. What in the world the hell is that? Oh my goodness, first shot. What in the world the hell is that? Oh my goodness, now the cow pulling the horse. The dog is pulling up the pool.

That man coming after the dog in the pool. You fucking believe? Did you see the guy with the lasso? It's unbelievable how accurate they are. Now we could have used that when we were single out in bars. Chicks leaving with a pack of friends. You get like six of them. A couple of heifers in bars. Chicks leaving with a pack of friends. You get like six of them. A couple of heifers in there.

Let me make you a whole meal. I'll cook you a whole meal. That is it, ladies and gentlemen. Had fun today. Great show. Thank you again, all you guys who are making contributions for keeping the show up and people at Patreon. Don't forget Cameo.com also

where I will send a personal video message. I'll make it on my phone. You tell me who to send it to. I'll roast their nuts off or say hello to Grammy for you, whatever. Maybe get some grandparents who are, you know, this close, Corona, get to them. I'll make fun of them.

Go on, bye-bye. No, I wouldn't. Remember, you guys think it. I will say it. You're very welcome. And we'll see you back here tomorrow. Take care, everybody. guitar solo I'm out.