The Nick DiPaolo Show - Cohen, Cosby, Schlag & Hot Dogs!!

Episode Date: July 25, 2018

Tonight's show-Cohen is a RAT, Cosby is a CREEP, Schlag is a SHITHEAD and Hot Dogs in Korea!! 

Thank you. I'm out. in there how are you folks better than i am i hope so it's a stinky dirty filthy wednesday welcome to the show 888-599-NICK 888-599-6425 for you people who uh you know phonetically challenged made no sense i do look like a dirty cop somebody said online with this uh get up hey you know who phonetically challenged. Made no sense. I do look like a dirty cop, somebody said online with this getup. Hey, you know who followed me today on Twitter? Bo Deedle. And you're saying, well, who's Bo Deedle? Bo Deedle is the guy when Henry Hill's

backing out of his driveway and the cop says, don't you move, you motherfucker, I'll blow your head off. That's Bo Deedle. He was a cop, NYPD cop, detective, and he was talking about running for mayor of the city like a year ago hope he does it anyways he's following me i couldn't be prouder because i love his politics he's a law and order guy obviously takes no shat from anybody the other thing i want to mention uh patreon if you go to patreon and it says i have

680 subscribers they're about uh 38 behind it's 718 i don't know why they don't have the real number up there i can go on my account and look through the analytics and it gives you the real number and uh i don't know why they wouldn't put the real number up there. Maybe it's a bug in the system. But here's my paranoid self thinking that, oh no, this guy, you know, really doesn't have our type of politics. Let's not let people know he's doing that well. That sort of went on at Sirius, I mean, in my opinion. Show was kicking ass right out of the gates.

They moved me from 6 to 8 o'clock, unexplainably. And so, yeah, I get fucking paranoid. Little things make you paranoid. You get fired from a radio show, sucker punched in the face by a left-wing fucking lunatic wearing Birkenstocks, walking yeast infection. So yeah, my fucking radar is up.

But Patreon, I'm just saying, I love your service. It's tremendous. But put the real number up there. It's only going to help you if people go on. Hey, these guys, look how many subs this guy has. His Patreon is something else. So enjoy your cake.

That's all I'm saying. 888-599-6425. 888-599-6425. And let's start off with some light shit. We'll get to the Cohen tapes, that fucking rat bastard. I just read before I came on the air, he was secretly recording Chris Cuomo, who has a show on CNN. Did like a two-hour interview with him.

He was recording him, too. So this guy's a real fucking rat bastard, in my opinion. His host family is rats. Real quick. By the way, we have Ryan here. Jason is at a concert tonight, Ryan? Yeah, Jason's out. He's at a concert.

What concert it is, I have no idea. Yeah, you do. Come on. I really don't. I'll call him right now. No, you don't have to do that. I can't think of one musical act i want a little more hey brian i want a little more juice here just a little right there okay let's mark that kids it's day 19 no need to uh there you go i

don't want to eat the mic because i know where my mouth has been gross um let's start off with a light shit uh in the united states smoking rate hits new low at 16 which is why am i talking about this because i just started smoking like a real smoker at age 56 and i gotta be honest yeah i fucking i'm enjoying it a lot of a lot of stress in my life at this point and uh it keeps me kind of keeps me kind of yes i know weed is the real answer but i'll get into the weed in a second but uh yeah 16 of u.s adults say they smoked a cigarette in the past week by one percentage point the lowest level on record since gallup first asked the question in 1944 that's a that's a good sample size i'm starting to believe it's bad for you in 1944

41 of u.s adults said they smoked this figure held steady for the next several decades even after the federal government warned the public in the early 1960s that smoking was a health threat and that's why i think it's bullshit when people get cancer and they sue tobacco companies and total horseshit. They've been telling you since the 60s that it'll give you a nice lump on your tit or a nice ass pipe bump. So that's on you. OK, stop with that.

It's a cottage industry. These commercials about not smoking and stuff. They're going, you ever try to watch a Yankees game over the commercial? It shows a piece of an actual human heart that they took out of an autopsy and it's clogged with butter and I can't believe it's not butter and country crock and that's from smoking and shit. There was one other commercial, showed a a young kid he's got a baseball glove i used to do this in my act he throws the baseball and there's nobody there to catch it

because his dad died from smoking so maybe there is some danger to secondary smoke because that kid must have a fucking brain tumor to be trying to play catch with nobody that exists that nobody i'm just saying i'm enjoying it I talked about it on the show before. I'm 56, and I don't want to live too long. I figure, give me 20 years before I get my cancer, which I think is about right.

If you start smoking in your 20s, you'll have cancer when you're supposed to be having fun. If a doctor tells me in my 70s I have cancer, I'm going to kiss him on the forehead. You see people in their mid-70s. You see the look on their fucking face.

Do they look happy? They have a look on their face like what? Where's my cancer? Should have been here by now. I want off this fucking ride. Sort of how I feel. But it is a disgusting habit, and I understand that. I'm doing P90X, these, you know, or whatever, these exercises that,

the easy ones that I used to rip through a couple years ago, I have to stop and wheeze for a bit. So what am I saying, kids? Do whatever you want, okay? They told me omega fats were good for my cholesterol and my heart, and they just rebuked all that in the last couple years. So I'm saying they don't know. If everything causes cancer cancer then nothing does i will lay in a goddamn tanning bed eating hot dogs dipped into sweet and low while i'm smoking cigarettes i don't care at this point you may

feel differently at the start of the 70s four and ten americans still reported smoking but by 1977 they turned into pussies the The rate had fallen to 36%. 12 years later, in 89, the smoking rate fell below the 30% mark for the first time ever. Late 2000, smoking levels began to slowly drop again. And that's when they started passing no smoking in bars and restaurants and shit.

And that worked on me. I gotta be honest. Bloomberg passed that. I wanted to choke the little fucking weasel. And I was smoking at the Comedy Cellar at that point. You could smoke in there. But then you couldn't. And I quit what little bit of smoking I was doing then.

But boy, does it feel good. 888-599-6425. And I know you guys like your weed. But you're breathing in fucking fire into your lungs either way. But here's the real rate. Smoke rate among young adults has fallen by half since 2001. Those aged 18 to 29 have declined most dramatically since 2001. This is the same generation that doesn't fuck that much anymore.

So what are you doing? You're sitting in your fucking house, not fucking and chewing on bubble gum. We have the stats for you. You can read right up there over the past three years 15 of adults age 18 and 29 say they smoked a cigarette in the past week compared with 34 who said so in the early 2000s by contrast smoking rates among americans age 30 to 49 have fallen by eight percentage points over this time period among older americans have essentially not bud. That's because we're older Americans. We know more than you.

We know life is just a fucking recurring cold sore and flat tires. And just as Tony Soprano said, life is just a bunch of distractions till you die. To finish the quote, he said, you go to Italy, you lift some weights, which is creepy because he died in Italy. You ever think of that? That's a great observation of my point. Everything all right that Rita? We have Rita answering the phones with a real

concerned look on her face. Rita's a little Guatemalan girl that cuts our grass. Ryan, you got to get some sun. Every time I look over there, holy Christ, it scares me. There's some places where young people love to smoke, right, Ryan? Let's go to my favorite guy in Indonesia, my favorite kid.

You guys saw this a few years ago. I wonder if this kid's still alive. He's got his head on the floor, even getting sick if he doesn't get his two packs a day. This kid's a gangster. This is my favorite clip ever look at him look at him it's not

it's not that he's a young kid smoking it's how he's smoking I love that do you want it again? yeah play it again I just love how he's look at his family looking on oh look a little Bacanesh

gonna have ass cancer in a few years slamming his head on the floor even getting sick if he doesn't get his two packs a day. Two packs a day. My favorite clip ever on the internet. Look at that fucking gangster. All right. I heard he finally quit. That's good parenting, by the way.

But he quit. Now he's fatter than he is. There. He put on about a thousand pounds. He has the... He's got the physique of Whoopi Goldberg without her shirt on. That fucking slob. 888-599-6425.

888-599-6425. Call me if you like to smoke or you think it's disgusting or we should be able to do it anywhere. I'm sick of... Anyways. fuck that. Let's go to a little bit of political shit. I'll get to the obviously the Trump Cohen tapes, which is big fucking whoop, I say. Let's go to a top House Democrat speculates that the Trump PP tape is he thinks it's fucking real. And you know who that is, don't you?

Jim Clyburn, the third ranking House Democrat, said that he believed the dossiers claimed that Russian government is blackmailing President Donald Trump with a so-called pee pee tape. And a Wednesday interview, he just another fucking lefty. Listen how dumb Jim Clyburn is. There he is. I have not seen anything that would make me come to a different conclusion. Because you're blind. I just think that you have to, whenever you see smoke, you need to investigate to see to piss on it there's a fire causing it how big the fire is we're not we're going to put it out and let it burn

there's a lot of smoke here and when you see this much smoke there's fire somewhere and we gotta put it out we cannot allow it to continue to smolder because before you know it, we all go up in flames if we do. Are you a congressman or a fucking fire marshal? That was the longest metaphor for smoke. What? So you say I believe it exists. I haven't seen anything that makes me doesn't believe. Really?

Do you read the papers, stupid? Are you too busy at Popeye's Chicken fucking hanging out and playing dominoes? What are you talking about? Ay, ay, ay. Trump was there at that hotel in Moscow. It's in the fucking article. He was there about an hour. He got there to his room at 1.30.

He had to be up at 6 or whatever. I'm not saying that's not enough time to watch a couple of Russian whores fucking marinate a silly post-eopedic. But I guess that's what I am saying. But just blinded. Just hell-bent on a pee-pee tape. Mr. Clyburn. We've gone from Thomas Jefferson, guys like that, to fucking James Clyiburn and maxine waters fucking chuck schumer just mama

luke's there's a book i'll call russian roulette david corn wrote it and michael isikoff i think he wrote for the times so you know that's objective and uh that's he spent one night in moscow and uh went to his hotel room 1 30 spent less than six hours in the room before showing up for a video shoot uh that morning that's plenty of time for two girls to piss on a bed unless they're dehydrated but i'm saying where's your actual fucking evidence clyburn is the second democrat and is in many weeks to say he believes the pp tape exists also democrat from oregon the dumbest it's overtaken overtaken California as the dumbest state in the union. Jeff Merkley told Bud Fede editor Ben Smith on July 16, he believes something similar to the tape exists.

Sure. But keep voting for people like, you know, James Clyburn. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. There's something wrong with his mind. Well, that guy's mind, yeah. I'd have to fucking say so. Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore.

Let's go to Caitlin in Connecticut. We always like to welcome a woman on the show. I have a predominantly male demographic following. I'm sure that surprises you, but we love to hear another perspective.

Caitlin, welcome to the show. How are you? How tall are you? What do you weigh? No, I'm just kidding. you, but we'd love to hear another perspective. Caitlin, welcome to the show. How are you? How tall are you? What do you weigh? No, I'm just kidding. What's going on? 5'7 and 125. Not bad.

Not bad, right? Kind of bad, but not right now. I'm just kidding. No, go ahead. I love smoking, too. I think you can probably tell. My voice is a little deep. Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin, talk into the phone piece, please.

Thank you. I am. I'm talking into the phone. Now you are. Now you are. Go ahead. Okay. I'm sorry.

I love smoking too, but I do want to ask you about if you saw uh judge janine on the view like that whole craziness that happened did you hear about that of course i did of course you did i don't know what's that got to do with smoking oh no i i actually wanted to ask you about it tonight anyway but smoking's pretty awesome, too. We can talk about that if you'd rather. What do you want to say about Janine Shapiro and whoopie, ugly, scary whoopie Goldberg, who the world gave a break? Tell me your thoughts.

Well, my thoughts are, it's like, it was so, like, it's almost like they planned it. Because they had Anna Nav navarro on like replacing joy dayhorn another dumb twat i know i fucking hate her i know i hate her um so it's like you see her on and then like you see all of them and you already know what's going to happen and then it's like you know whoopi's this hero because she's telling her to leave because you know she's experiencing a different perspective you know and it's just i'm i'm so tired of seeing stuff like that why even bother having a conservative on why it's a good point why why so silly i'll tell you why as a foil that's all they have her on for janine look

janine perot was a judge whoopi goldberg was a dog shit actress who got a break. Sam Kinison said it best. Something about the world, I don't know, the world bites their tongue. Something about Whoopi. But after the show, they got into it, and I heard Janine call them a bunch of cocksuckers as she was leaving. Awesome. I love that woman.

Yeah, I do too. I love her. And I guess her book sales spiked. Who knows? Her and Whoopi could have been in caho too. I love her. And I guess her book sales spiked. Who knows? Her and Whoopi could have been in cahoots. I don't trust anybody anymore. But I wish Whoopi smoked more when she was a kid to bring her back to smoking. Hey, Caitlin, good hearing from you.

You're a bartender, so I know you enjoy a good smoke. And you're a regular on the show. Thank you for calling. Good talking to you. Thanks, Nick. All're a regular on the show. Thank you for calling. Good talking to you. Thanks, Nick. All right. All right, bye. Just what the truth is, I can't say anymore, and I'll kill you.

Let's go to Josh. I wanted to get off the smoking thing. I'll get to the Trump thing. Let's have one more smoking call. Josh in Albany. Josh, how you doing, fella? are you on an iron lung right now i'm not i'm actually uh i'm about to go out and have a smoke actually myself right now but uh you know i gotta say you know as a smoker you know it's almost as if it's so taboo now. It's like if I shot up, it would be looked at almost the same way.

The people that bat an eye at you now for smoking a cigarette, it's almost as if you're spoofing a hot rail in your arm. It's ridiculous how they're treated these days. Well, what's funny is the people that are judging you and giving you those dirty looks, most of them are pot smokers, and they actually think that that's fucking healthy. I know there's a lot of formaldehyde and rat poison and shit in cigarettes, but there's a ton of chemicals in weed, too. So either way, you're breathing fire into your lungs. But they're the ones judging you.

Guys, we know what smoking looks like. We can fucking stop it. Yeah. And it's fucking 100%. I just, I could buy them at every fucking,

every mark, every market, you know, it's like, give me a break. And you know what's funny is I was at one of your comedy shows

in Albany here. Yeah. All right. And I was, I was having some drinks. I was having a good time, but I wasn't ruining your show. But, you know, there was two openers, and I didn't know that, like, I was going to have to sit there that long

without having to smoke. You know what I mean? Yeah. So you were actually – you just came on, and I, like, I knew I didn't want to get up during the show. I tried to slip out. Yeah. I ain't the smallest fella in the world, but having said that,

I had a black hoodie on, so I kind of snuck out, and I just snuck right in back. I tried to sneak back in, and then you're like, oh, good, I'm glad you could join us there, Trayvon. And everyone kind of pointed at me and laughed. All right, Josh. I appreciate the call, man. Thanks for coming out to the show.

I'll talk to you soon. Appreciate it. All right, Josh. I appreciate the call, man. Thanks for coming out to the show. I'll talk to you soon. Appreciate it. All right. 888-599-6425 is the phone number. Let's get to fucking Michael Cohen. Fucking rat anyways. Old family's old rats. Really?

He grew up to be a rat. Fucking, you know, he secretly taped trump when he was trump's lawyer um he's heard on tape with trump discussing trump's discussing with uh cohen how they would buy the rights to a playboy model story about an alleged affair trump had like 10 years ago for 10 months with this karen mcdougal broad according to the audio recording of the conversation. And my first take on this is so the fuck what? You have him on video saying that he thinks it's all right to grab women's pussies. And he still won the election.

So this. I know he's the president now, but come on, let's stop with the shit. The big question is the money that they were going to use to buy this story from American media is the name of the company. You know, whether it's a campaign contribution money that he was using or Michael Cohen's actual own money and all that horse shit. But people, again, flying on the left of this just just dying the recording confirms the man who now occupies the oval office had contemporaneous knowledge of proposal to buy the rights to the story of karen mcdougall a woman who uh allegedly had an extra material affair with trump about 10 years ago we actually have we have it we have it here we We have actual audio of Trump getting into it with Cohen. Get this through your head. Get this through your head, you Jew motherfucker, you.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. That was horrible. Cohen told Trump about his plans to set up a company and finance the purchase of the rights from american media which publishes the national inquirer the recording captures what appears to be a routine business conversation of several matters took it took place in the back of a porkster on their agenda the audio the audio is a little muddled and the meaning of trump's use of the word cash is disputed by both sides let's play the actual audio of Cohen and Trump. He serotypically recorded Trump. I don't know how you can do that. It's supposed to be client attorney privilege, but do we

have that audio? I need to open up a company for the transfer of all of that info regarding our friend David, so that I'm going to do that right away. I've actually come up and I've spoken to Alan Weisselberg about how to set the whole thing up with funding.

Yes, and it's all the stuff, all the stuff, because you never know where that company, you never know where he's gonna be. Correct, so I'm all over that. And i spoke to alan about it when it comes time for the financing which will be listen what financing we'll have to pay you so okay no no no no no i got no no no that's where it gets all did trump say we'll pay cash which it sounded like to me he did right and uh you hear cohen going no no no i got all that so i think this is where uh cohen went into his own kick as they say in the mob um maybe uh but then it cuts off and uh then giuliani's out there saying who represents trump now saying

he's you know the whole conversation is about setting up, you know, an actual company, shell company to buy the rights of the story. And Trump is not dumb enough to, you know, just use cash. But did Trump say something about what happens if a guy might get hit by a truck or something? Did you did you hear that, Ryan? Yeah. So what if he gets hit by a truck? Yeah. Which is real Queens. That's real Queens, New York development slash sanitation type talk. And nobody's talking about that on TV.

What if this guy just has an accident with a garbage truck? Yeah, exactly. That's what he's sort of implying. That's what I thought they'd all be jumping on. Did they not hear that? So, but don't take my word for it that this is a big shit burger because they're just pulling. They're desperate now.

But take Alan Dershowitz, who is a constitutional scholar and you know who he is. And this is his take on what went on in that discussion and whether it's breaking any laws or not. Go ahead, Mr. Dershowitz. Alan. No crime. This was a conversation between a lawyer and a client. Hold on, hold on. That should never have been heard.

Hold on. This should be video of this. I think Ryan likes his hooch. Here we go. Let's play. You got to see Allen Dershowitz. He's a handsome fella. Go ahead.

Even if, even if, and the tape is unclear, Trump raised the word cash, There was then a discussion and the lawyer said, no, no, no. And President Trump said, no, we'll do it by check. Lawyers and clients have those conversations all the time. I've had conversations like that with clients. The end result is cash was not used. No payments were made. The context of the tape all suggests that the president wanted it to be papered. They wanted it to be a corporation

not just a payment he wanted to make sure it was done right he wanted to make sure it was done with records and so so i think the big picture i i guess that's what he's saying he's saying there's no crime but again i'll go back to trump going uh if he gets hit by a bus and um you know third choice is right down the middle folks half the country wanted to murder him during the oj thing he's a true fucking liberal and the good sense of the word that he looks at both sides and and whatever um but he's talking like he heard the whole thing which we didn't trump tweeted as soon as i started talking positive the thing trails off so maybe dershowitz heard more of this audio than we did and maybe trump did say look we're going to do like a company and and have paperwork involved uh

but the whole the crack about this guy might get hit by a truck. He gets hit by a truck. All right. So. But again, the left is like, there's more evidence. There's fucking more evidence that this guy just lied and blah, blah, blah. You have more damning shit on him. Okay. So, you know, they were going to buy the rights to Karen McDougal's story.

She got fucking overshadowed by Stormy Daniels I'm sure he's got a bunch of this you can't be a billionaire New York real estate developer and not have a bunch of fucking good-looking skeletons in your closet if you know what I'm saying uh but Lanny Davis of course is Cohen's lawyer but I I don't understand what I don't understand And Dershowitz didn't really explain is how the fuck can you. It's supposed to be client privilege, attorney, client privilege. And then Dershowitz went on to say. That the only way there's going to be a problem is Cohen is the one who leaked it. To the to the press, because in New York, you can record somebody without telling them. In New York. Which is kind of creepy, I guess. But sometimes that works out.

Like when a wife or a husband is meeting with somebody to have their spouse killed. And the cop records them. So, I don't know. But, you know, Dershowitz doesn't seem to think it's any big fucking deal. I don't know. We shall see. But they're just anything he does. Anything.

Just looking for any little thing. I don't know what to tell you. Let's go to... Let's go to Steven in Long Beach, California. Stevie boy, what's it, about 110 out there? It's fucking sweating, but I'm in my car. I've got a long drive, so I'm all good. Okay.

Hey, so funny thing, it was off topic. I called him before I realized that, but did you hear about what happened at Nancy, I'm sorry, not Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters' office on Thursday? They found 55 wigs from James Brown's garage? No, that was on Friday. Okay, what happened? On Thursday, there was supposed to be a right-wing protest outside her office,

but they didn't show up. But the counter-protester still decided to show up, and they ended up stealing an American flag off a car that was driving by, burning it, and then assaulting a random white guy that was trying to ask them questions because they called him a right-winger. And his cameraman was black. There you go. They still had the violence, even though there was no no right wingers there they still had the violence so they're gonna keep trying to keep trying to blame the right for the violence but even when we're not around they still do shit no exactly i guarantee his sorrows

called up and they're like mr soros is nobody here to hit i don't give a shit punch the first fucking white guy you see i paid you guys good money to fuck these people up. Yeah, that's Maxine Waters. Fuck somebody up. That's Maxine Waters and that's the type of people that follow her and it's just, they shut down

a food truck. I read a story today. A food truck out there. A couple, they have a food truck. It's very popular. Some of the profits go to homeless to help out the homeless. And these nitwits showed up. They heard the daughter

of the people who own the food truck giggling. These, you know, Occupy douchebag types. And they started to go after the daughter verbally and stuff.

There's a civil war coming. I fucking hope we could just pick up the pace and get it on. Anyways, good call appreciate it Steven thanks buddy Maxine Waters, James Clyburn you know look at her

look she's looking up, Trump's got his dick about a foot above her right now just dangling it over her gonna knock it off, Knock that wig off. Look at that James Brown wig. She looks like a basset hound with a wig on.

That's mean. I hope the fuck it's mean. I'm sick of these hateful people. They're the fucking racists. 888- 599-NICK is the phone number. Speaking of racists, well, this guy, he's a rapist. Did I say racist?

Bill Cosby. He must register as a sex offender if he returns to Massachusetts estate. He has a nice estate in Massachusetts on a river somewhere. He's had for years. This is another very rich, you know, very rich black fellow living in an all-white neighborhood. Doesn't, you know, doesn't really relate to the peeps where he came from or whatnot. And we all know what's going on. We love him.

Hey! This is, you're raping me! This is rape! This is rape! This is rape! Relax your arms. Relax your arms. Relax your arms. I'm just making you drink.

Relax your arms. This is a you-who with some fucking Flintstones vitamins. Give it a sip. Don't you have a picture of him, Ryan? Bill Cosby? There you go. You notice his nose is turning whiter the older he gets. That's something creepy.

Maybe God's black and it's God's way of saying, this is what happens when you do evil shit and lie. We make your nose white. Look at that fucking pancake. Never liked him. Never found the guy fucking funny. I liked it when he was lecturing young black kids to pull up their pants and to

fucking pick up a book i enjoyed that five minutes of his career that's why by the way hollywood never came to his defense by the way you know that don't you you notice nobody circled the wagons around him that's why because he he kind of leaned right in his family values uh who would have guessed though america's dad was a fucking sex offender and uh yeah he's got a sprawling shelbourne falls estate and uh pennsylvania sexual offenders assessment board recommended a judge essay that cosby be declared a sexually violent predator but the 81 year old comedian's conviction on april 26 on three counts of aggravated indecent assault in philly is sufficient for Massachusetts authorities to require him to register here if he spends four days in one month or 14 days in a year in Massachusetts.

Having him on the registry is at least symbolic that he's no longer above the law, said attorney Wendy Murphy, a victim's right advocate. He'll be listed with the lowest of the low where drugging his victim could land him a level three rating. The Northwestern District Attorney's Office confirmed yesterday that if Cosby fails to register upon his return, he'll face prosecution. I love that he's on a list and shit

and they have an app so you know where he is. First of all, he's legally blind. So you might see him in the neighborhood actually fucking a dog by accident, thinking it's a 22-year-old girl. He's legally blind. He's a real danger. And if you don't believe he's legally blind,

go online and look at pictures of his wife. Apparently his biggest fantasy is to fuck a woman who looks like a point guard from St. John's. A frightening, angry little ball chick who's been standing by his side, by the way. My man's innocent. Bill's got like pubes in his teeth and shit. Just a horrible, horrible fucking human being. His estate is worth more than $4 million,

including a $2.6 million colonial circa 1800. Property has an Olympic-sized pool. Love to see him try to dive into it and land on cement, thinking it's a... He's got tennis courts surrounded by rolling fields and woods. How do we know that? Satellite images. That's creepy.

So he's now named to a Pennsylvania sex offenders registry. But his lawyer said, We'll see them in court. Under Pennsylvania law, a sexually violent predator is defined as a person who has mental abnormality or personality disorder that makes the person likely to engage in predatory sexual offenses that's half of washington too by the way the cosby show star faces up to 10 years in jail for drugging and assaulting former Temple University employee Andrea Constan at his home near Philly in 2004. His conviction came after a retrial that included testimony from five other women. There's like 50 women that came forward with the same story.

That sort of convinced me. Anyways, he's been ordered to stay in his Philly home and only leave to see a doctor or his lawyers. He's like Uncle Junior in the last couple seasons of... I actually have a clip about Bill Cosby, some stand-up I did. Here it is.

Bill Cosby's going on trial next month. I can't wait for that. Everybody is so shocked on that story. Ooh, a black rapist from Philly. What are the odds? What the hell? Outlandish. I never liked Cosby and I know he's fucking guilty. I took my uncle to see him in Atlantic City like 12 years ago. My uncle loves Bill Cosby.

I went in the green room and I have to introduce myself. So I know he's guilty. I shook his hand. Next thing I remember, I'm waking up in his hotel on the floor wearing nothing but a Temple University t-shirt. I had pudding poppers stuck to my back and my ass.

I just remember hearing him go, stick your dick in your ass, you little kid. I can't do a good Cosby. I can't do a good Cosby. Your hand goes, stick your dick in your ass, you little fiend, you little fiend. I can't do a good Cosby. It sounds like a white woman stroking out. Which is what he was listening to after the pills. All my black comedian friends do a great Cosby. They have him raking like 15 different people in there.

They have like a 20 minutes material. I can do a good Popeye impression. If Popeye rapes somebody, I have a new 20 minutes. Suck me dick all of us. Consensualist. Suck me dick and let me ask those. I like that bit. By the way, he's a serial rapist.

And when you hear serial and crime, you think what? You think white guys. I talk about this in my act, too. Patrice O'Neill, when he was alive, the late, great Patrice. Anytime there was a white serial killer story on the news, my phone would ring two minutes after the story was over, and all I'd here is white boy click and it was uh patrice and keith robinson would do that to me too and they're right most serial killers are white you know why to be a serial killer takes a lot of work it's a lot of

effort it's like a full-time job you have to track your victims you you have to you know go online find out what kind of chemicals dissolve bones in your tub in five minutes. You have to build a soundproof studio and learn an instrument pretending you're learning guitar, but you really have, you know, 18 girls tied to a fucking radiator down there. It takes a lot of work. You got to feed them, make them bologna sandwiches every couple of weeks. It's a lot of work. As opposed to black crime, I used to say to Patrice, and he used to fuck a lot.

As opposed to black crime, where, you know, it's a little simpler, you know. Somebody steps on your foot in the champagne room with a titty bar, so you kill them with a tire iron in the parking lot.

A lot quicker. It's just kind of racist. No, not actually. Based on facts from the FBI. Sorry. I back up all my shit, folks. No, not actually. Based on facts from the FBI. Sorry. I back up all my shit, folks. I back it up. Okay, take down White Nose, will you?

He's staring right at me. White Nose. It's the name of an Indian. I was hearing stories about Cosby, and I'm not shitting you. When I first, in the mid-90s, I remember being at Caroline's and being in the green room arguing with another comic I brought up. I had read some stuff about him, you know, fucking drugging a lot of white girls.

I forget who I was arguing with. But then, you know, then Hannibal Buress broke it wide open with his thing. So, I mean, if a black comic is saying it, it's got to be true, yo. Yo. I wasn't talking to you, Whitey. Ryan looks like a Jerry Sandusky wet dream, you know? Young kid in his 20s. Let's go to the goddamn phones.

Mike in Nashville has a theory about the Trump-Cohen tapes, and he believes that he thinks that Trump might have released these deliberately. Interesting. Hey, what's going on, Mike? Fill us in on this theory. Hey, Nick. How you doing, man?

Pretty good. First-time caller. I actually heard Mark Dice this morning say that Trump waived his attorney client privilege in terms of those tapes being released because he just, I guess, doesn't give a shit. And, you know, he obviously doesn't mean anything. Everyone. No one's sweating it. And so I don't know. Why would this. But how would that help him? And so I don't know. Why would this, but how would that help him? I don't know that it would, but I just don't think it hurts him in any way at all. And I mean, I heard, what I heard of the tape doesn't seem very incriminating in any way. Yeah, no, I agree. That's what I said at the beginning.

But I heard Mark Dice report it. Well, then it must be true if Mark Dice said it. I mean. Well, of course. I don't know. it, I mean... Well, of course. I don't know. I mean, there's some... Of course, the other angle is, again, he's using this to distract what's going on with Putin. It's that fucking Adam Schiff, that pencil-neck geek. I just want to snap his little fucking neck. And they're just...

Oh, I can't fucking stand his face. He looks like Charles Grodin in high school with acne. I want to fucking kill him but that's right I did read that Trump did waive his his client attorney privilege but did you hear what I heard on the tape when he said

something about somebody getting hit by a truck yeah I didn't know if that was beneficial to his side or old school hit job happening or uh just yeah i don't know what he was implying the possibility that uh yeah i didn't i didn't know what the implication was but no one mentioned it which was interesting yeah what a fucking rat this cohen is though i always hold i always heard the way to i always heard the way to get uh to get trump would have been to get with Sammy the Bull

and get him on some old... Well, yeah, when you're... Mafia-related. Yeah. But they've never gone that road either, which is interesting. No. Well, maybe there's no road there. These fucking guys couldn't arrest me for sure.

No, I'm sure they're not. You know, they're fucking really stupid. All right. theory mike good call good talking to you buddy uh i don't know when dershowitz says there's nothing there i'm i'm folks i'm not a constitutional scholar i'm not a legal guy but dershowitz uh has his shit together and if there was something there he'd be all over it not saying there isn isn't. But Trump doesn't seem too worried. Seems like another big shit burger that's going nowhere. And like I said, how's it going to fucking hurt him at this point? After that Hollywood Access tape, and I know he wasn't the president then,

so that changes things a little bit. But the guy got a lot of snatch. I wonder if he did deal with, like, Sammy the Bull and Gotti. Because, you know, when you build stuff out of concrete in New York City, as somebody said, what show was that? They go, I guarantee you. Oh, it was Rodney Dangerfield back to school. Rodney's in business class,

and the professor's talking about building an imaginary company. And Rodney says, you got the zoning laws, then you have to pay off the cement guy. And do you know who runs those businesses? I assure you it's not the boy scouts so uh there could be something there but whatever he's been in office for what uh almost two years year and a half now he might be the cleanest guy that ever sat in that goddamn chair i swear to god i mean they're still looking for shit the pp. Let's see it. Let's see the pee-pee tape. Oh, we can't. Why not?

Because Tony Podesta's jerking off to it right now, but we'll get it to you. That would be John's brother. It's a good joke if you follow politics. I don't. Let's go to Eddie in St. Louis. I hope it's Eddie Griffin, who I love, who's from St. Louis. What up, Eddie? Hey, Nick, what's going on? I St. Louis. I hope it's Eddie Griffin, who I love, who's from St. Louis. What up, Eddie?

Hey, Nick, what's going on? I'm Eddie Griffin. I bet Tony and John are jacking off to that pee tape too, man, for sure. Yeah, I had a theory about the tape that just got released. It could have been like a canary trap, the FBI set, you know what I mean? Where they dangle it in front of somebody that they think is leaking shit and just see if they'll leak it, you know what I mean? They dangle it in front of somebody that they think is leaking shit, and just see if they'll leak it, you know what I mean? So they dangled it in front of what?

In front of who? To find a leaker. Like somebody who's leaking stuff. That they don't want leaked. I don't know. The FBI would do that? The FBI would do that or the Trump administration? Because they tried that earlier.

You make a good point. Trump, remember, they did something like that. They put something out there after he had a meeting with some of his guys in his administration to see who would leak it. I can't remember the details on that. But, yeah, the canary in the coal mine thing. I get where you're coming from. But I don't know. That sounds even too smart for the fbi all right eddie anything else oh eddie go bye-bye eddie go bye-bye so uh yeah but anybody gonna give a shit i mean after we found out bill clinton

was uh and again i understand this has to do with finances and and using uh campaign contribution shit to shut people up that might be get a little hairy whatever but if dershowitz isn't fucking and he's the guy i go to dershowitz i like to hire him to take care of my case where I get sucker punched at a comedy. Mr. Dershowitz, I tell him I go. My civil rights were violent. I was talking politically on stage telling jokes, and she thought I was racist and sexist. And my buddy who's a lawyer says there's a statute in New York.

Because I'm over, if you're over 45 years old and somebody commits physical violence against you because of your political. It's it's fucking it's a hate crime. Yeah, we know what a black guy looks like. I mean, we just had James Clyburn up there and Bill Cosby. Enough with the black eyes. I love putting that up every time. I know you do. I think you get a thrill out of it.

I think you Ryan actually gets a thrill out of, I was punched by a walking yeast infection. Um, by the way, I got a bolt out of here right at seven or a little after folks. Cause I'm going into the fat black pussy cat, which is the comedy seller. Uh,

they call it the lounge and, uh, it's, it's an hour from here. And, uh, that's on a good day with no traffic, no rain, no problems. Parking. It's a great fucking room if you live in New York City. It's a real bohemian feel to what I told you.

It's like Sandusky's basement. Excuse me. It's the clam chowder. Let's move on, shall we? There's a woman in Connecticuticut local democratic lawmaker in connecticut she's on the fire her name by the way is select woman melissa schlag she's about as pretty as her last name uh local democrat lawmaker in connecticut on the fire after she took a knee during the pledge of allegiance in protest of, just in protest of President Trump.

You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, a big fat sneaky cunt. She's cute. Said ain't true, but I'm gonna tell you, you're a motherfucking cunt. You are a cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, motherfucking cunt. Not cute. Everybody knows from the head to the toes, a big fat sneaky cunt. Look at that fucking, look at that thing. She's in a house coat and a, ugh.

And I'm not a jingoistic, I'm not a jingoistic person and shit. But if you're going to do public service and you're representing your people, just, she's, you know what? She's getting just what she wants. Guys like me talking about her and, but you notice the ones that are just skankerilla. Looks like a big meeting there. Some important business going on, apparently, in their hometown. Turns out some lady found a dent in a refrigerator.

That was the top. And the trash people, the sanitation guys are getting new uniforms i think that's what this meeting is about look at her she thinks she's a fucking defensive back for the ravens anyways this twats own she said well she you know why she did it in response to trump's comments after the summit with Putin. She said, I felt nervous when I did it, but I also felt powerful. Yeah, look at you. You look like a regular Putin there.

Schlag told the, she says, if I don't speak up, those who can't won't be heard. Are you fucking dog styling me, Ms. Schlag? They won't be heard. That's all we do is hear from people like you, whether it's the fucking NFL or CNN, MSNBC. That's all we do is hear from people like you because the mainstream media is for this type of horseshit. Okay? You're just a fucking idiot. With a face like that,

it's the only time she's ever taken a knee in her life. What? You heard me. Ryan, good one, huh? Excellent. Excellent, like you just tried to whine. Schlag's protest adopting the practice of NFL players protesting police violence was not her first flag controversy. police violence was not the first flag,

was not her first flag controversy. Listen to this. From 2013 to 2015, when Schlagg served as first select woman, she had both the United States and Connecticut flags removed from her office. Both flags, she says in quotes, were taken down because I rearranged the furniture and I put a bookcase where the flags,

where the flags were. Liar, liar, whore, liar, whore, you know it. Yeah. Oh, give me a fucking break. I had to move the furniture. We'll put it where the flags... Just to... How about the constituents that you represent

that disagree with your stance on this shit? So you know what you should do? Don't take a knee, but don't stand. Just squat a little. Like you do when you're taking a dump at your house in the woods. Compromise. Good idea? I'm just laughing how pathetic.

Look at the furniture and shit goodness gracious but she's just again she's doing it for the people whose voices aren't heard are you fucking kidding me that's all we hear is the fucking whining between social media and all the mainstream networks that's all we hear is this horse shit

I pledge allegiance what is it what's the next line and all the mainstream networks. That's all we hear is this horse shit. I pledge allegiance. What is it? What's the next line? To the flag? I pledge allegiance to the flag. To the flag. Of the United States of America. The United States of America.

And which it stands to the Republic, bombs exploding in the air, full of grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou who art in heaven. Amen. Amen. I pledge allegiance to the flag,

but I do it kneeling down like I'm sucking somebody's ass. I don't like her. I don't like her. Let's go to Ron in, it looks like, Nita Mass. Apparently he speaks German. Ronnie boy, how are you? Yeah, Nick, I just wanted to let you know when I was looking up the lady's name,

the first thing on Google Translate is schlag actually means blow in German. You're kidding me, right? Look it up. I like how serious you are. Look it up. Does it really mean blow? That's where it's going, yeah. It comes really mean blow? That's where the gun, yeah. It comes right up on top of the Google search and translates.

Well, that makes sense why she's taking a knee, I guess, huh? Yeah, she should be down on two. Oh, that's sexist. I don't like that type of talk, Ron. This is what I have to say. I'm a veteran. I wanted to get one in. Oh, well, thank you for your service.

What branch? Army. I'm a veteran. I wanted to get one in. Oh. Well, thank you for your service. What branch? Army. I was a medic. When did you get out? 09. So people like her must really irritate you, you know? I mean, your wrist, your fucking neck. Do people like this bother you, or do you just let it roll off your back?

I'm not that much of an America fuck-yeah kind of guy, so I don't really care. I mean, it's alright. Yeah, these people are making me jingoistic, though. It's like, there are people who fucking, I don't know. I guess you want to tie the flag in with the pledge of allegiance and all

that, but I just think they do it for the attention. And now I'm talking about her and she was in on the drudge report today. And, but I was looking on her Facebook page. Yeah. And she said something about having been blocked by the town on their, their Facebook page or something of her website. And that was back in November that she brought to that.

So she must be a pain in the ass in general. Exactly. Which is worse than ass in general. Exactly. Which is worse than the actual offense. Yeah, so don't represent the people. Because there are people in her ward that fucking don't agree with her. So you're supposed to be representing everybody. So tell her to get off her filthy knees. Thank you for your service, too.

We appreciate it, Ronnie. Decker, I just want to ask you if you know who Kyle Dunnigan is? Yeah, I know Kyle Dunnigan. Comedian. Okay. Yeah, why? Yeah, do you look at his Facebook page? I mean, his Instagram? No, I haven't. He does the face swap and he does these perfect impressions and he does a lot of Trump. You should check it out. It's funny

as hell. Doesn't sound very funny, gotta be honest with you, but I might. Thank you, Ron. Nope. Got a nice plug-in for Dunn he's a good guy i've met him he's the comedy seller guy uh oh andrew's gonna tell me what the hit by truck thing is that trump said uh andrew fill me in i couldn't make that part out go ahead ahead. Hey, yeah, sure. Sure.

Nick, when you said that, as soon as you said it, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's corporate speak. That's business speak. Like, I'm in IT in Charlotte, North Carolina, and these three New Yorkers come down, and they come in, and they have higher positions. And we get in a meeting, and we're sitting there, like, talking about this, talking about that. And then they go, well, what if you get set by Trump? And they would always say that. And that means, what's your backup plan? And then we were making a joke of it in the office.

But we would always hear from New York people. They'd go, you get hit by a truck. And that's why no one cares. That's why no one's bringing it up. Because that means, what's your BCP? What's the backup? Yeah, OK. That's what it means in an IT business meeting. But when you're talking about being taped surreptitiously and money being changed maybe rightfully or wrongfully so

to to quell a story and shit do you see the content why i took it like that because in new york i hear a lot of yeah i mean yeah you bet you better you better do this so you know who knows you might get hit by a truck or uh so So that's how... No, no, totally. I'm glad you put that in perspective, though, because I know I didn't hear it clearly, and I thought people should be making a stink about this, but I think you cleared it up beautifully. Yeah, it's still a running joke.

Man, those people have been gone for 10 years, but we still sit. All right. Thank you for clearing it up, Andrew. Appreciate it, buddy. All right, you bet. You bet. Have a good night. All right. Thank you for clearing it up, Andrew. Appreciate it, buddy. All right. You bet. Take care.

Have a good night. All right. There you go. I've been in business for years. I sold steak and seafood out of the back of an Isuzu pickup truck, door-to-door when I got out of college. If you want to call that business. Never heard the term.

I was actually driving a truck. Rita, you've been in business. You ever hear that term before, Rita? No? You don't hear that term before, Rita? No? You don't hear that much at whorehouses. Ha, ha, ha. He's going to be hit by a truck. Yeah.

Maybe get hit by... Again. I don't know. In other words, you have a backup plan. What if Ms. Schlag gets hit by a truck? Looks like she already did. What? Let it go, Nick.

Let it go. By the way, go to nickdip.com. I don't have my tour dates in front of me. My staff is, they're a little, they're there some days, some days out, but we'll put them up on the screen there at nickdip.com. Tonight, the Fat black 8 30 start saturday night fat black pussycat six o'clock start i'll be leaving here at noontime what the

fuck is the blue light special show it's a good picture of me my i have the the posture of sandy Who? Look it up. And then, I don't know, September. You know, Arlington Draft House. I can't read that from here, guys. I don't expect me to read that. Arlington Draft House, September 14th and 15th. That's a Friday and Saturday night. September 20th, Phoenix.

That's a private event on Thursday, September 21st. Flagstaff, Arizona. Orpheum Theater. I'm looking forward to that. Doing a nice theater on the West Coast. Haven't been out there. The temperature will be dipping into the 200s, they said. There's people bursting into fucking flames out there.

You read what's going on in the West? Oh, my God. It's unbelievable. Are the California wildfires up again? Oh, yeah. They're just busting out. Oregon now is getting eaten alive, and hopefully it will rip right through the college campuses. Great. They never start on college campus.

They never spread to a campus, take out a nice faculty lounge filled with left-wing jerk-offs with their padded elbows, and, you know, that never happens. But, yeah, California, that state, man. I mean, wildfires. And now they can't even use power between 5 p.m. and 9 p.m. because they're telling you not to use major appliances. You're being overrun by illegals. You got shit building up on the streets in Northern California. Other than that, I would look into buying some property there.

Seems like a fucking real place to hang. Yourself. Shut it, Ryan. I would never hang myself. I can't tie a noose. I can't tie a goddamn necktie, obviously. Let's see. Let's go to Doug in New Jersey real quick before I get into the last story.

I got to wrap it up here. I got to get the fuck out of here. Dougie boy, what's going on? Hey, what's going on, Nick? Oh, you know. I wanted to say, are white women ever going to stop trying to pretend to relate to the oppressed? No matter who's in office, they still get their meals paid for and doors open for. Stand up, you fucking plot.

Oh, my God. That's over the top. I'm not blaming white. I blame white women in the suburbs of Philly and Boston and all the nice towns out of america for yes for you know voting for obama and falling for all this horse shit this that's why soap operas were so popular with housewives fall for any stupid plots and uh but no the younger i'm gonna give the millennial chicks a little bit of a high five here because they fucking hated hillary because just what you're talking about hillary but you know said she was a feminist and shit but she grabbed onto the

coats of Bill and wrote his coattails and shit and these millennial younger chicks like fuck we don't need a man we can do it on our own and shit but I know you're trying to be a little over the top really you see that with young millennial broads I date them all the time I date them too and they're fucking horrendous you do they're not fun they're not

well i know they don't smoke and a lot of them are celibate and shit every report but uh no for the most part uh as far as your point about you know they want it both ways i don't find that i think they're trying to make their own way and that's why they rejected fucking hillary but anyways good call i'll I'll talk to you later. Dougie, take care of yourselves, fella. Finally tonight on Meet the Press. What do I got here? North Koreans eat dog meat to beat the heat.

They eat dog meat to beat the heat. They eat dog meat. It's popular. Dog stew is very popular in the summertime in North Korea. Here's the recipe. Quarter hind legs of a chihuahua. The noses of two bull mastiffs. Some chicken stock. Some scallions.

A poodle's dick. Then you process it. Shut it. Euphemistically known as dang gogi or sweet meat. Dog has long been believed to be a a stamina food in North and South

yeah when it's 108 degrees that's what I want fucking German shepherd's thigh to believe to be a stamina food in North and South Korea and is traditionally eaten during the hottest time

of the year ugh somebody burps fucking greyhound in your face it's 110 um but see supposedly somebody burps fucking greyhound in your face. It's a hundred. Um,

but see the supposedly they're not doing it as much of this anymore. I didn't circle anything else in the article, but, uh, there they are. That's a great, this picture adds a lot to the story. Those guys could be playing part cheesy, fucking doing a crossword puzzle or eating pizza.

But anyways, we had to show you some asian people they all have bones in their mouth the rib bones of a gray huh that's the pick from the article yeah i know i didn't fucking say to include it did i rhyme no i didn't so you know but you can add it it makes for a better show you'll fool the retards um but my point being is my take on eating dog and we criticize but how do we know what if what if like i said what if uh what kind of dog do i have i don't know what if bull mastiff tastes like lobster people are so quick their pets over here but i guess they're coming around and especially in north and south

korea they're coming around because now they they're actual pets are dogs over there so they're starting to come around a little bit but here's what's cruel they have these farms in in korea i think both in north and south korea they a festival every year. They cage up all these fucking dogs. And you know what they do? This is the cruel part. They believe that the adrenaline of a dog makes the meat tender. So they beat the fucking dogs on a regular basis. So I can't watch those commercials late at night, you know, when they come on with the dogs in cages missing an eye.

That shit gets to me. Please don't do that. I'm trying to watch the fucking Weather Channel. There's a girl on there with big tits. I don't want to see a chihuahua missing a fucking earlobe. All right? But they beat the dogs because they believe the adrenaline makes the meat more tender. And I'm just saying I'm open-minded.

I would try dog. Somebody else's dog. A dog that I hate. My neighbor's dog that shits on my lawn. I would put his paws in a food processor with some panko crumbs and hope I like it. Then I'd finish him off later. I'm just trying to be a little open little open mind here what if it's really delicious i'm gonna give it a shot do we have dog at the supermarket no

but uh just the old dogs that the ones that you turn into well they torn they they turn horses into perfume don't they and shit like that glue glue and glue yes but i'm dog food i'm saying the dogs that are real old and nobody has any use for. I'd like to try. I would like to try some Yorkshire Terrier. A little garlic and lemon. You have a Yorkie, by the way. Yeah, thanks for pointing that out.

I was trying to avoid that on the air, you fucking Malamute. Is that a dog? A Malamute? Yes. By the way, Ryan got a radio gig at his college so watch out he's gonna be the next casey casem at bunker hill community college uh so that's my take on that uh you know dog could be delicious i'm trying to be open-minded here i'd give it a shot i don't like people to go like i rabbit i love rabbit i grew up next to my grandmother she's from italy she's 190 years old she would cook it was delicious people describe i'm not

gonna eat it i i know it's a bunny yeah and a cow's a cow and a fucking a lamb's a lamb and you know you have to expand your horizons quail what's that it's really pigeon so but i'm just saying i'm glad there's somebody looking out for these. I just don't get eating dog in the hot, any kind of stew. It's 110 degrees out. They're a little fucked up. So that is it.

That is it. Covered a lot of ground. I got to jump in my car and break the sound barrier on the Springbrook Parkway. Did I have any shout outs today? Oh, we don't do them on the right. We do them on the on the page. And by the way, like I said, the Patreon thing, 718 subscribers. So don't go by the number they're putting up there.

I want to get the bottom of that. That's really bugging me. That is it. Remember, remember, kids, you think it. I'll say it. You're welcome. And, you know, I love you. And my buddy Lee will tell

you how much I love you for helping me to construct my life not a tap watch the love in the corner I love you because you have done so much to make me

happy you have done so much to make me happy. You have done it without a word, without a touch, without a sign. I need some love for you. You have done it by just being yourself. Perhaps, after all, that is what love means. And that is why I love you. Thank you guys for tuning in. We'll see you tomorrow.

Bye-bye. you