The Nick DiPaolo Show - Colin Quinn Part 2 | Nick Di Paolo Show #1473

Episode Date: October 18, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo interviews Colin Quinn! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Yeah. Well, that's like the time when I did that bomb to the De Niro roast, and I'm talking to Robin Williams, and I flail, and my shirt flies off the hanger. I had this beautiful new Casper shirt, and I had to wear it that night, a sweater. And it flails. It was kind of a light rain. And I go, I don't know what just happened.

I'm covered in flop sweat. And to Ed, the sweater flies off into the street, lands in a puddle, and a cab runs over it, like a movie scene. Robin Williams was on the ground laughing. He had a nice suit on. It was Dinero's birthday, and he's getting wet. He's getting his suit ruined because he couldn't stop laughing.

It was like a movie. I go like this. It flies. I'm like, and I look back, look back at him like I'm so devastated by everything he just fell down what what does that what does that say about the stature of Colin Quinn though as far as and it's De Niro's birthday Robin Williams who else was there and they ask who out of all the great comics in New York to fucking because they well no that's that no no what happened jim jim gaffigan get sick if you asked his if you asked his wife her biggest regrets in life i guarantee that would be in her top three

and i don't know her life because she just asked me this was a real ralph crandon the black broad you know yeah yeah great side she called me he goes hey um would you do a dinner impression for my husband's birthday his 60th birthday because they knew i had done it on the show it didn't matter yes so i go i'll do more than that she goes what we just want i'll it was like ralph cramming i'm like dad trust me this is my big break because i was was like Scorsese, all his people. I must have told you this story. So I've told you this story probably 10 times. But anyway, I go out of my way for 20. I broke every rule of comedy.

I wrote 20 minutes of material all about De Niro and different things in his career. All of it. You couldn't try it out anywhere. Right. Because it's only going to work for this thing. Specific, right. So I have to bring it with me and put it out on the table so i go make sure they have a table they're at a dinner nobody wants any of this she didn't she instinctively was like well you don't

have to do uh it's my pleasure we'll pay you i don't want money bigger than money i got martin scorsese. I got them all day. They're all gonna be there. Oh my god, I go up. So I broke already two rules of comedy. One, do what you pay do what they want you to do. Number two, don't don't do stuff you can't work out. You never did before. Now. Here's rule number three. She goes, I'll introduce you. No, I'll just go up there. I need no introduction.

I mean, do you believe it? I go up there. I don't believe it. That's so un, that you're the least presumptuous person. You're. But I was so, I was starstruck by, here's what was going on in my mind. And it's embarrassing to say, but it's the truth. You were impressed that they asked you.

I wasn't just impressed i said this is going to be my finally my intro with scorsese and all of it going this is the guy missing from all movies where have you been all our life what did you told us this can you remember some of the bits that bombed you were telling us yes in the way they were looking at you listen how funny I went out so I went out

and as Robin Williams told me after he goes suddenly we're eating and then I say why is Colin Quinn on the microphone what's going on he's just talking into the microphone nobody knew because I wouldn't let him intro me so I stopped talking in the mic I don't know but anyway so I go on the mic because i thought oh we don't want to make it

like a comedy show this would be even funnier i don't know what to say i start out by roasting de niro i go hey bob de niro uh you you're well known for uh you know preparing for your movie you got fat for raging bull and you gained weight for Untouchables. Hey, maybe you're just a fat bastard. Silence. Then I go, hey, you always prepare in advance for months, intense preparation. How'd you prepare for whatever movie he had done recently? I go, how'd you prepare for that? By looking in the mirror and apologizing to the audience for wasting on 10 bucks?

Boo. A couple of people, oh of people. They don't even know I am they think I'm just like a heckler they came in. And then then I said, Bye, I do a few more rows. I had all lined up. I had the rose jokes first to warm them up. Then I was going into this horrible long story about my friend who died who loved an era. Then I was going into some other thing. So now I'm bombing now he's not improvving so i see chris walken chas palm and terry chris walken

harvey kaitel and their dates over here looking at me oh my god so i go hey i go hey chris walken what are you doing here shouldn't you be doing an un a cameo in an unwatchable independent movie right now. Ooh. Hey, Harvey Keitel, make yourself at home. Take your pants off. I'm bombing. I mean, people start muttering. You know how it is when you're bombing, and they're just like, ah, you know, just muttering.

People, a few of the ladies are like just like yeah you know just muttering people people few of the ladies are like oh you know like trying to get you off but i'm not getting off because in my head i'm still like no no no this is my entry into this world of their productions i'm going to get my movies made you know i was writing those new york movies this is my place this can't be happening that's what i was thinking this This is not gonna happen. I'm not gonna let this happen. I go into this horrible, unfunny story about my friend, I start doing the dinner impression. It's terrible. I'm covered in sweat. My suits covered in sweat. It's so bad. The place is almost I'm almost causing a dinner with all

these rich people into a riot. They just, you know, when things turn to comedy, it's ugly. The wait staff is looking at me with hate. When I came in the waiters, I could tell, like, I felt bad. Like, oh, these actors trying to make a living. And I'm here doing my thing. Now they're looking at me, like, embarrassed. Like, I'm glad I'm not him.

They put an apron on you. embarrassed. I'm glad I'm not him. They put an apron on you. I end up the only laugh I got was St. Patrick's Cathedral across the street. It's a fancy restaurant. I go, I'm going to go

over here now and light a candle. That's the only laugh I got from some of them. I slink out, covered in sweat. How much time did you do? I probably I slink out covered in sweat. I was wearing a suit. How much time did you do? I probably did 17. And it felt like 117.

To them, it felt like a hundred. They couldn't believe I kept going. Because I had my notes. I had to get through all the notes to see if something would hit. Did they tell you how much time? Did she mention how much time? She didn't even know that much. She wanted me.

She knew more than me. She wanted me to go up and do a two-minute De Niro impression or a minute and then get that line. I made it into this thing. She didn't want to show. She didn't want to show. So then I bought, like I said robin williams came out he goes oh my god he goes my wife said go up and help him he goes she doesn't want me to go up and help

imagine he goes up and saves the day it would have been worse so then he would have hung himself earlier 12 years 12 years 12 years passes so i'm like you know what 12 years 12 years 12 years passes so I'm like you know what that that story I made

maybe it wasn't the nightmare I say it was you know maybe I'm over the years I made it worse than it was we see De Niro and his wife they're going

they're outside the comedy cellar oh god and they're going he's researching he's researching that abominable movie he did about comedy and

yeah I was in that oh yeah and Norton was there and then we're talking to them they're having a couple of laughs talking i said comedy seller and then norton goes hey remember when he bombed at your birthday party their faces asked norton their faces turned the whole energy changed norton even said i he goes i thought they'd be like laughing he goes they turned it was and it confirmed everything i said about that night.

That night was the worst moment in their marriage. Oh, my God. This is 12 years later. The guy's been around the world 10 times since then. He's been to a million parties, a million events, and it still hit them. It's like you brought up the Kennedy assassination. Yes. Oh, my God. That was really funny, but I'm glad he said that because it confirmed still hit them it's like you brought up the kennedy assassination yeah yes oh my god that

was really funny but i'm glad he said that because it confirmed what i thought it was as bad as i thought that it that it is so scary it this is not why we take for granted what we do for a living talking to the great colin quinn if you haven't picked up on his effeminate voice um what we do for a little we take it for granted after you do it so because when people when you Talking to the great Colin Quinn, if you haven't picked up on his effeminate voice. What we do for a little, we take it for granted after you do it, because when people, when you tell them I'm a stand-up, how can you do that? And you forget your first open mic or how scary it is until you have a night like that. I had one not too long ago, three years ago. Tommy sent me, I'm doing a gig in Texas somewhere.

And he goes, I found something else tonight before you could do it. It was a corporate event, but they said you can be yourself. The guy's a right-winger. I go, this should be easy. They're right. I get there. I come out. They're all in.

I'm talking, they're dressed like they're at the Oscars, number one. I thought it was just going to be the fucking, the women with the earrings and of course the guy who emcees, a local guy, he knew all the local jokes to do, he does fine, brings me up

and when I tell you, it's such, you get that feeling that your first night on stage, my mouth started to dry up i go oh i'll go into these ones that are proven bits you know after winging it and get nothing so i go into my bits that i'm gonna save me so then i just start picking on this yeah nice fucking haircut shithead that gets him going and now the guy wants to beat me up he's with a fucking gorgeous woman and if my mouth gets all dry.

Now, and you're going through the jokes in your head and I go, what's coming up? And I'm going, that's got the word cunt in it. That's a black joke. And now I'm down to about four minutes and your mouth gets all fucking, you start, literally your lips get caught on your fucking teeth because your mouth is all,

and you make an ass out of yourself. And it's as scary as people who have never done standup get caught on your fucking teeth because your mouth is open. Yeah. And you make an ass out of yourself. And it's as scary as people who have never done stand-up think it is, even after doing it for 30 years. In the second half of the show, obviously I'll be talking to the great Colin Quinn. And it gets really funny. We share old stories about comedy. And it's just the best.

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Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com and click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. You're 100% right. And I always tell people, I go, here's the problem with stand-up. If you're a

musician, even if you're having a bad night, the crowd can't go, I can do that. Because they can't. If I'm a comedian and I'm not getting laughs, everyone in the crowd could stand up there and get no laughs like I'm doing. They could do what I do. Here's something that you and I understand understand though um be in in good comics understand it getting people to laugh usually that that's the easiest part doing it under your own terms is what makes you different than you know i mean because like i used to say i would say my dad could go up my dad could go up here tonight. I said, never have done comedy.

And I don't know, drop his pants and piss into a bear mug. And it's going to kill him. But that, you know what I mean? Yeah. You taught me that one. You used to tell me, anybody can get up and learn how to get up for an hour and do that. You used to always say that. Anybody can get up for an hour eventually and get laughs.

It's getting laughs. Talking about what you think is funny. And that you know right you always say that and louis true louis had a great quote too louis goes when i was young he goes a young comedian i would look for funny things to talk about he goes right but once you know what you're doing i'm gonna go up there and talk about what i want and make it funny right and this and what hurts is there's so many comics, there's 40,000 comics out who don't even realize that, don't know it. They've been doing it for years and they don't

even understand to that. Because you can, it's easy. That's why the hacks thrive in our business. Because making people laugh, that's not the hard part. Doing it with some intelligence and your own point of view. your own thing and that right and not and not trying like i said to coddle or anything like that and it's like

but that's a whole that's a whole another story too but but the um when you say about uh doing the hour i also feel like the good thing about today and the young comics a lot of them do live by it yeah is they do an hour then they do another hour because that first hour yes in the old days yeah your whole life yes was living on that i mean nobody's funnier than don rickles pound for pound he only had one out that's right that's all he had yeah so just saying once you get into the second third and however many hours you you probably got 10 that that separates him you know i mean from the herd that's the real deal and and and and speak to your point and it's guys like colin and i'm not shitting you because i i started in boston and

and the real fucking hero and i colin i'll tell you the guys are don the gun gavin's of the world and shit yes and the lenny clarks and and they had their hour they had their hours but comedy at that point stand-up wasn't that big there wasn't that much exposure on tv yet so i mean they could go on with that hour because they're playing clubs every night they didn't have to worry about doing a special because the the industry hadn't developed to that point yet not that they didn't have the ability because these guys are as funny as anybody but i'd go to new york and and see guys like colin and and and still to this day if you and i'm not no mean to blow your hair but to this day, and I don't mean to blow your hair, but to this day, you ask young comics, and Gary Gellman, who's a master, a great comic, I see him commenting about Congo, and I get inspired by Colin Quinn, who, after all this time, is getting better.

There's a discipline there. The people who take it serious. And he is a comic. I was talking to Jimmy Norton. We had him on. And Jimmy's a gym rat. Who? Jimmy Norton. Who?

Jim Norton. Oh, yeah, that little. I'm not familiar. How about me? No, Jim Norton, you know him. Fucking ball guy. Yeah. Boy.

I thought you were doing a bit with me. I know. No. This is 61 years old. Fucking ball guy. Boy, I'm... I thought you were doing a bit with me. I know. No. This is 61 years old, fucking retarded. You know who he is. You hang out with him. But Jimmy's another one. He followed me at these...

And it's funny. I'm growing up because when you're a young comic, you're like, fucking, I hope this guy bombs. Right. Jimmy goes on after me at the Gutfeld thing in front of 4,000 people and,

you know, I only, we only have to do 12, 15 minutes, so we're going to knock it out of the park if you're even semi-good. I wouldn't want to follow me

after doing 15 minutes. No. So, so, Norton comes out and, and I, I just watched every moment of it

because not even the least bit concerned, and just took them in, and three minutes into it, he's fucking murdering. And I saw Dom Herrera do it when we did Comics Come Home in Boston one year. He had to go on. The final four guys were me. Billy Burr was before. Somebody before me, like fucking, I don't know, Kenny Rogerson.

Then me. I think Bob Kelly. And then Billy Burr. And then Dom Herrera has to go on last. And Dom's at this point is old. And this is 15 years ago. And I'm going, oh, Jesus. I hope, you know, cause we love to,

he goes up there. The first four minutes are rough. You got to do about 15, 20. And, and then just slowly. And by the end, you could argue he had the best set.

I never had that. I would go up and let that get to me. Cause I'm a fucking me. I'd be like, yeah, I'm like, I go, I got to mix it up. That self, that presence of self, whatever that's called, self, I forget the word. But anyway.

Cocaine. Those kind of, I could never have that. Those people that are just like calm and they stay in the pocket. You know what I mean? I would get, I would, I hated and love the comedy cellar and places like that and going to new york i hated it and liked it because when when i came up in boston the first two two years me and louis are closing rooms one-nighters you're the fucking guy or whatever then you go to new york and you do these these rooms and you're on that and i would

eight other comics and they're only doing 15 minutes. It's a whole different mind. And I used to say, I used to say that's going to, and I still think I'm right in this. I go, some of these guys are going to pollute the room. If somebody goes up with some dog shit, easy jokes, it's going to, and I would hate that. I was so happy when I finally started to make a name for myself and you go do a gig and you're the you're the guy but you try going on you try going on after a dave attell and a louis and like you don't feel good that night or you don't want to be you better fucking break jerry would pop in jerry seinfeld i got my ass handed to me by john stewart this is what woke me up john stewart right in the middle of his heyday as the daily show guy he comes down there one night out of nowhere, goes on, they bump me, he goes on.

It shakes the rafters, because he was just, you know, Joe Liberal and a decent comic. I go up there, instead of, I try to match his energy off the top. I try to ride his wave. I ate a shit burger with

two slices of cheese and four patties like i have never uh fucking and so i learned that night you don't go up you do what you do you take it you don't try to fuck right you don't you nailed it the biggest amateur mistake that we may give you years in is trying to ride somebody else's energy well who who kills harder than a new comic after like a big i remember rodney gangerfield going up and just being the funniest guy and i mean nobody's funny him and don rickles are the fight you know they just emanate funny and then he left and some other comeback went out and was a new comic. And you could just feel that all the energy sucked out. There were half the people leave.

And he went up and just goes, um, so what I was saying before this guy went on, what, and we just started laughing. He said something like that. Basically the low energy, he actually lowered his energy.

If he'd gone up there like, Hey, Rodney, Hey, and tried to be funny, it would have been terrible. But instead he took it even lower. I forget it was had gone up there like, hey, Rodney, hey, and tried to be funny, it would have been terrible. But instead, he took it even lower. I forget who it was, but I was like, that's a good move. I'll tell you who it was. It was Howard Feller. guitar solo Outro Music