The Nick DiPaolo Show - Colorado's Crazy Corrupt Court | Nick Di Paolo Show #1500

Episode Date: December 20, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about Colorado's Crazy Court, DeVito and pizza and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 You know, Mr. DiPaolo, I'm really proud of you. You should be. You should be. You should be. Bob, you should be. Folks, how are you? Welcome to the show. Haven't bought my wife a gift for Christmas yet, but I ordered this for myself a week ago. What are you looking at, fat fuck?

Anyhow, welcome on a Wednesday, second to the last day, the pen and pen ultimatum thing of the week. Pen ultimatum. That's an Italian for you. Anyhow, I guess I won't bullshit too much other than getting a screaming match at a bar yesterday. Anyway, I fucking just felt good. The bartender was a girl. Just fucking ignored me. Just fucking ignored me for not five, ten, 45 minutes.

There's only three other people in the fucking bar. So I fucking said, you got to fucking, you know. The manager came out. She went in the back. I said, I got into it with him. And he defended her blindly. So I went off and said, yeah, right, you fucking cocksucker. I made an IC nice.

It's great. It's fucking better than getting laid when you're my age. Because I was right and they knew I was fucking right. Bottom line. I won't say where it is because I'm still going to go back there. I don't want them fucking spitting on my hot dogs. It's a classy joint. Anyways, let's get into it because the big story, as you

guys know, headline, Colorado court corrupted. Donald Trump was barred, this is huge, was barred from appearing on Colorado's presidential primary ballot next year. The state Supreme Court ruled Tuesday. The court determined the 77-year-old former president was ineligible for the White House, citing the U.S. Constitution's insurrection clause, which led to his removal from the ballot. And that only deserves one comment from me. You listening? Yeah. Your mother sucks fucking big fucking elephant dicks. You got that? All kinds of dicks. Big dicks. Big dicks.

Maybe the biggest in the world. It's the first time in history that Section 3 of the 14th Amendment has been used to disqualify a presidential candidate. You're out of order. Can you fucking imagine? You're out of order. A majority of the court holds that Trump is disqualified from holding the office of president under section three of 14th amendment. The court wrote, yeah, it just said that in the last paragraph, you fucking nut. The ruling is stayed until January 4th or until the U.S. Supreme

Court makes a decision on the case. Trump's campaign is expected to appeal. It said in a statement, it has full confidence that the U.S. Supreme Court would quickly side with the ex-president and finally put an end to these un-American lawsuits, which is true if you're listening to the experts yesterday. I mean, every lawyer was like, this isn't going to—we'll play Jonathan Turley, who, by the way, he's as even as you get. And we'll explain why this decision went the way it did his camp also called the decision completely flawed and not surprising note in Colorado's Court is made up of Democratic appointee justices, of course Fucking people

You have no idea how to defend a nation But the courts majority wrote in the decision that they did not reach the conclusions lightly. There you see a he-she with a cock under her robe. We are mindful of the magnitude and weight of the questions now before us, the majority stated with a big fucking shitty ingratitude. We are likewise mindful of our solemn duty to apply the law without fear or favor and without being swayed by public reaction to the decisions that law mandates we reach oh my god gives a fuck what you think right away you know she's gay

because she's got that haircut with a pointy sideburn it's pointing to her vagina uh then you got the two chemo guys the determination was reached after an early ruling by a lower court judge named Judy Scheinlein. It's Judge Judy. Come on. Rejected the lawsuit. That judge found Trump incited an insurrection after refusing to accept the 2020 presidential election results. But he could not be disqualified because it was not clear if the provision was meant to cover the commander in chief. Just a little, you know, just a little gray area.

Let's take a look at the whatever it is. View the court is dead wrong. This is the first major win for these challengers. They've gone to a number of blue states. This is one of the bluest state Supreme Courts you can get to. Even with that, it's split. I think the opinion uh is really chilling and i think that the supreme court will make fast work of this theory i hope it

does uh but i think this court i think did great damage to its own integrity uh with this opinion you are correct sir what they're worried about is opening up a fucking, you know, then it'll be tit for tat. Republicans will do it. I mean, they're acting like he was in the fucking rotunda leading everybody with a sword. Not even he even it's just outrageous. And the fact you anyways, Carly commented one more time. Yeah, when you read this opinion, the one thing that keeps on recurring in your mind is where's the limiting principle here? What would not satisfy this test?

Nothing is so broad. It's ridiculous. You don't even have to be, I'm not going to pretend I know the Constitution like this guy but everybody else i'm waiting i haven't heard from darshawitz but um i'm sure he would agree with that anyhow any he let me uh let me uh tell you a little little bit about each one of the uh of the justices real quick i'll just fucking speed read for you. Meet the four Dempick Colorado justices who kicked Trump off the ballot. The Democrat appointed justices who made the decision include three Ivy League graduates,

two of whom are wrongfully accused of harassment and discrimination. You'd think they would side with Trump because they always call Trump anti-Semitic and all that shit. And they're from Ivy League schools. You'd think they would side with Trump because they always call Trump anti-Semitic and all that shit. And they're from Ivy League schools. You'd think they'd love him. I'll repeat, two of them wrongfully accused of harassment and discrimination. You can't, you know, as well as the first Latina and openly gay woman to serve on the court. Shocking. The one that looked like Erica Strada. Their ruling marks the first time in history, Section 3 of the 14th, which disqualifies insurrectionists from office,

has been used to ban a presidential candidate for appearing on the ballot. Together, Justice Richard L. Gabriel, Melissa Hart, Monica Marquez, that's the dyke, and William Wood, Billy Wood III. Let's tell you a little bit about Richard L. Gabriel, a native of Brooklyn, New York.

Can't get more liberal if you went to Yale in law school. Oh, he did. Was appointed to the Supreme Court 2015 following a career in commercial and intellectual property law. He graduated from Yale, earning a bachelor's arts degree in hating Republican, I mean, in American studies. Went on to obtain his law degree, University of Pennsylvania. Wow. In 2018, Judicial Performance Review attorneys wrote, Justice Gabriel's performance is strong in the areas of being prepared for oral argument, being courteous, and treating parties equally.

They say that about all of them. Next, Melissa Hart. Justice Hart was appointed to the bench in December 2017, and unlike the other girls, she likes a dick and serves as an adjunct professor at the University of Colorado Law School and the University of Denver Sturm. I used to return puns for them in college. She went to Harvard Radcliffe for her undergraduate degree. She went to Harvard Radcliffe for her undergraduate degree, then returned to Harvard for her law studies. She maintains an active pro bono practice

and continues active represent clients even as she serves on the bench. September Hart even warned attorneys about the barriers people face in accessing Colorado's justice system. She's a big fucking lib. Who else? Monica Marquez. Justice Marquez is the first Latina and first openly gay person to serve on the Colorado Supreme Court.

Yeah, she won't have any beef with the rest of the population, male, straight. She earned a bachelor's degree from Stanford. And after graduating, she served in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. She believes in Jesus, and she's a muncher? Good for her. As a volunteer school teacher, community organizer, in Camden, New Jersey, Philly, and Pennsylvania. All right, leave me alone, folks. I'm busy. Hold on. The Ozempics got me nuts, folks. Marquez went on to earn a law degree from Yale as an assistant solicitor general

and assistant attorney general in both public officials unit, criminal appellate section, blah, blah, blah. William Hood, Billy Hood III, known and a Supreme Court member in January 2014 after working as a litigation partner, prosecutor in the state's 18th judicial board, graduated from University of Virginia School of Law, received honors in international relations from Syracuse University,

also taught several classes on advocacy and pickleball. No, as an adjunct faculty member at the University of Denver. faculty member at the University of Dendro-Sturm. Anyways, the point being, if you went to Yale, I mean, does this surprise anybody? Openly gay Latina, somebody from Brooklyn, anybody that fucking became a lawyer and grew up in Brooklyn, there's no such thing as a right way. So even with that being that biased, like they said, Turley said said it was a split decision

so who knows though you don't know john roberts didn't he fuck us with obamacare when that came down remember he sided with it nothing all right um where the fuck am i what am i uh in the second half of the show, guys, I'm going to be talking about IBM and how much they hate white people and how we can prove that. It's disgusting. And also, um,

what was the other one? Dr. Death. As you remember, betting, uh, Bibi Netanyahu and the IDF said, and we all knew this, that Hamas uses hospitals, you know,

where they set up military armies. And so, you know, we knew that. But it's been confirmed by who? A doctor who headed up the hospital. So we'll give you details on that. That's all exclusively on Mug mug club so join now to get it at nickdip.com hey boys and girls head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats t-shirts hoodies and more which yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time

you can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on store. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Let's move on, shall we? Pizza squabble. This is my favorite story of the day, by the way. Giants quarterback Tommy DeVito and the owner of a New Jersey pizzeria who was steaming over an autograph signing gone terribly wrong, broke bread and a whole lot more. I guess it was a bad day for Italians in bars and pizzerias. So they broke bread Tuesday afternoon after getting into a little beef.

Thank you. You can't go wrong walking into one of these Jersey places, man. Honest to God. Over a meal of pizzas, chicken parm, which is Tommy's favorite, and sodas mixed from an antique machine. Hope you rinsed it. DeVito members of his new marketing team and Nino Conglio, owner of Conglio's Old Fashioned in Morristown,

I've done comedy there, agreed to a charitable solution that mends most fences in a viral feud as witnessed by the New York Post. You goddamn guineas really make me laugh. Conglio originally advertised a Tuesday appearance by DeVito at his restaurant, but canceled after he said DeVito's agent, put up his picture, I don't believe this guy would have pulled any shenanigans. Oh my, what is he, a crooked leprechaun? But canceled after he said DeVito's agent, that's him, Sean Stiletto,

or Stiletto, doubled the allegedly previously agreed upon a parent's fee, which is something my agents used to do, for two hours and 250 autographs from $10,000 to $20,000 in response to the quarterback's shining moment when the Giants beat the Packers. The first clip I'm going to show you is the pizzeria owner and meeting with Tommy's agent. This is how it went.

The other two stores doing as good as this? Come on, you know, it's a grind. That doesn't answer my question. Hey, look, Rich, I know you're a made guy, so I lose either way. But I always respected you and your brother Jackie. I'm no victim here. I'm not some greaseball store owner. I'm sorry, Richie.

I will not be shaken down. So I guess the pizza thing wasn't going to happen. All you guys, and I know you love The Sopranos, the best bad guy ever on TV, and I got a picture of me and him in a tuxedo at the Emmy Awards. Oh, fucking... I like it better than my wedding picture.

Stellato was noticeably absent from Tuesday's sit-down, and it later became clear that he has been replaced as DeVito's marketing rep. I wonder if it's just this incident or permanently. Because it doesn't look good. You know what I mean? It looks a little, but it's so Jersey and fucking. And again, I'm from Boston,

but everybody thinks I'm from Jersey. They love my comedy in Jersey. I would sell tickets great always when I played there. Now the second, the second clip I'm going to show you, obviously another Sopranos clip. You guys remember when Christopher got made and the next day after he got made, he went to one of these pizza parlors that he hangs, used to hang out in in. I didn't show the whole clip where almost a fight break, whatever. But I was picked. It kind of runs parallel to Tommy DeVito after being the quarterback, named the quarterback, going into a pizza joint.

Check it out. I think you're going to kick him. Watch where the fuck you're going. Kiss my ass. Take that shit outside. Don't disrespect the pizza parlor. Fucking asshole. I know where you live.

You hear what I said? Don't disrespect the pizza parlor. Yo, it was good talking to you, Chris. Keep thinking about mine. I want to sound like an asshole, but I really can't be seen in a place like this anymore. He's too big to go to bed. That was you last night?

Yes. Yesterday. Oh my God, you're right. But I couldn't say that because that's where all the fucking college games are. Oh, you're so fucking funny.

DeVito, who held Nino and Nino's the guy and wife, Shailen's 11-month-old daughter, Penny, right there, will return to the pizzeria at a, to be determined, sorry, folks, I'm burping, January date to work 30 minutes behind the counter and sign 100 autographs. They worked the negotiation out. autographs. Oh, they kind of, they worked the negotiation out. Marketing rep Max Lepselter,

got a good Jew, said, and Coniglio's will make 100 sandwiches and donate 100% of the proceeds from sales during that time to charity. So everybody, it works out nice for everybody. How Italian is that story? And Jersey-like. Let's move on. There are white niggers. I haven't seen a lot of white niggers in my time. You goddamn guineas really make me laugh. Anyways, in our RTR segment, Reverse the Races, Super Bowl champion running back Richard Mendenhall. He was a Super Bowl champion a long time ago.

Rashard Mendenhall hates whitey like most black people. Had enough of the NFL analysts specifically, and this is quote, average white guys, as he explained on social media. Just try that if you're a fucking white guy. I'm sick of, you know, I would just, wouldn't you just love to hear like, I don't know, Troy Aikman, Joe Bucko. I would just, wouldn't you just love to hear like, I don't know, Troy Aikman, Joe Buck. You know, I'm sick of black football players who still sell drugs when they're playing in the NFL and smack their wives around. I'm sick of thugs.

Just throw that out. You know, it wasn't exactly clear who Mendenhall was directing his ire at, but his post on X came a few hours after he commented on the criticism of the Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin. Boy, they fucking love to dish it out, but when you so much as – and by the way, Mike Tomlin, I love him because he played in the league and he seems like a – I like that he's got his cry, and he seems like, you know, a fucking hard guy. I mean, you know, he's a good – but I think he's over his cry and he seems like you know a fucking hard guy i mean you know uh he's a good

but i think he's overrated as a coach they always play to the level of the competition they haven't had a dominating year since you won the super bowl you know i mean i i just think he's a little overrated not compared to the other coaches but you know i what I mean. He goes, Mendenhall says, I'm sick of average white guys commenting on football, he wrote. Y'all not even good at football. Well, I don't like you doing math or reading. Y'all not even good at football. Yeah, Tom Brady fucking sucked at football. Huh?

So did Aaron Rodgers. So did Drew. Come on, finish it. Freeze. Freeze. Thank you. I was going to say Drew Pearson. Cowboys of the 70s.

He says, you're all not even good at the ball. Can we please replace the Pro Bowl with an all-black versus all-white ball? You see the mentality? You see his life? He sees black and white. That's all. He sees it through the lens of black and white. Oppressor.

That's it. That's how he sees everything. Again, he made millions off of it. Yeah, he did. They said he made 20 million in his career. Sure. He spent that. Put that in IRA.

So he wants an all black for all white bowl. So these cats, he says, what are you, Sammy Davis in 1968? So these couch men can stop trying to teach me who's a good at football He says I'm better than your goat Is he talking about who I think he's talking about? Of course there is there's only one fucking goat and to that I say my brother and I mean this sincerely You know she is If you know who she is.

Leave it in. Leave it in. You people don't like it tough. I have cancer. Anyways, former Houston Texan star J.J. Watt joked about what an all-black versus all-white bow would look like. And he handled it well because he has to. He's white. We'd get cooked at corner. Not going to lie,

Watt wrote. Nobody on our squad is covering Tyreek Hill. That's true. No, there's no white guy. Black guys can't cover Tyreek Hill. I hope he gets MVP. Pound for pound, he is one of the greatest football players I've ever seen. The former Steelers and Arizona Cardinals running back talked about Tomlin in a post prior to that. I don't understand how you can talk about Tomlin's playoff record without acknowledging that Kenny Pickett has only played one year, he added. Who was the quarterback for all those playoff losses? Literally all of them. Make up your minds how you arbitrarily separate Mike and Ben in the win-loss column.

He says he doesn't get it. What's his point, Dallas? Huh? Nobody does. He's so stupid. So much stupid. So you're blaming the playoff losses on the white quarterback? I don't know what the fuck he's trying to say.

Hey, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to Nick DiPaolo or nickdip.com. Join to get my full, the great Steven Crowder's full show and a whole lot more. And while you're there, click on the tour button and you'll see a date, May 11th. I will be at the Count Basie Theater in Red Bank, New Jersey. And I want to thank the boys at Crowder and Stephen himself and everybody there. They're so good to me. They put up a sizzle reel of some of my stand-up. Anyways. guitar solo Outro Music