The Nick DiPaolo Show - Columbia, NYU Anti-Semitic Cauldrons | Nick Di Paolo Show #1558

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about NY Terrorists, a Pecker and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://Nickdip.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 What's this motherless fuck's name? Nick DiPaolo. How are you, folks? Welcome to the show. Excuse me. A little bit of cigarettes. Bruins got me angry last night. So I went on the porch and smoked.

Playoff hockey. Nothing like it. I can even watch two teams I don't have an interest in because they try to kill each other at a thousand miles. It doesn't look like the same sport that they were playing for the last six months. It's ten times faster and more vicious and insanely good.

I know you're sick of it. I'm going to keep preaching it until it replaces the NBA. And if anybody out there enjoys watching any kind of basketball on TV, your IQ is a little, seriously,

you trade baskets for two hours before it means anything. You got a lot of time in your hands. I don't have time for that. I've got fucking broads, all kinds of shit. What? Here's a lie.

I'll cut it out. Anyhow, any he, what else happened since then? Woke up at 6.30 to pee. Just keeping you guys up to date on me dying slowly. Had to pee, which isn't a problem. Actually have a pee bottle next to my bed. I guess I'm preparing, dress rehearsal. But the problem is I used to go right back to sleep, but lately, no, no, no.

The mind starts racing. I thought, ever since I got Tommy's schedule for me for the next like five months. I can't sleep anyhow any he The country's a mess folks I don't have to tell you it is it is just it looks like the Middle East out there now at every campus across the country all organized by the way, this is all organized. Those are professional agitators. And I'll tell you what isn't professional are not hired guns. The academia that's been

teaching these kids for the last 30 years, fucking boy, the right was asleep at the switch, or they were part of it. Either way, you scumbags, the whole fucking swamp needs to be drained, to use a cliche. Do you see what's going on out there? The fucking, it looks like the Middle East. First headline, the pathetic anti-Semitic, anti-Israel protesters armed with flares marched towards NYPD headquarters late Monday. They mean last night,

after the number of students arrested at NYU reportedly rose to 150. But you know, videos of Monday night's protests show demonstrators holding bright flares over their heads while marching towards one police plaza, I know right where it is, while others waved flags, banged drums, and chanted Gaza.

Imagine, we have kids in a generation, or again, they're hired, but they're from here, a lot of them, most of them, who are pro-Hammaz, pro-terrorists. It's as simple as that. I don't give a fuck what kind of spin you put on it. H-Jews. Oh, they do. H-Jews. Oh, they do. So, other clips show the NYPD offices in riot gear

monitoring protesters who chant, we will free Palestine. You got, yeah, you got a lot of balls. You're fucking 5,000 miles away from what you're talking about. You're not going to get shot. You're not going to get, you're fucking, it's a lesson in cowardice.

But anyways. It is. If you want to free him, go, go, please. Well, that's exactly right. Yeah,. If you want to free him, go. Go, please. Go. That's exactly right. Yeah, because we're hurting for soldiers and shit, too. We will free Palestine within our lifetime. No, you won't.

No, you won't. Because if it gets bad enough over here, where's all these right-wing militia and all these homegrown domestic terrorists I've been hearing about? Don't you think they might fucking have something to say here? People say, well, they hate Jews too. Well, okay. But anyways, they take them out, take everybody out. What's my point? I don't know.

I'm just saying it's all a myth, whatever fucking Joe Biden's been telling you. The real danger to the country is, really? What's the real danger? You know why you don't see the Aryan race brothers and all that? Because there's six of them in the country. They're not very organized. I didn't say that. I'm just saying, fellas.

You know what I mean. I don't know. Do you have a temp? Do they have a temp? You know, you're like, because I'll do a temp thing. Anyways, let's take a look at Mr. I think Mr. Trump had a. Oh, this is the woman, the student.

Oh, it's a pro. Is this my show? Jesus Christ. This is some of the action again on NYU and Columbia University in New York City last night. Nice going, bud. Look at this. Might as well be Gaza itself. H-Juice?

H-Juice? Look at these pukes. Look at these pukes. Look at these pukes. All right. I can't take it. You got to grow up. You're not a kid anymore. You're watching a whole generation or generations

who have never, ever been slapped by their parents, not once. And this is what you get. Where are the rubber bullets? Where are the fucking tasers and flare guns? This is all a show. Can't do that anymore. Fuck that. Ooh, I'll get fired.

You'll get fired from a job where you're risking your life for $40,000 a year. I'd rather fucking be a landscaper or whatever. Are you fucking shitting me? You'd definitely make more money. Great, great fucking mayor, because he was the law and order mayor. That's why they elected him, because he was a top cop in New York, remember?

Yeah. Anyway, and people say New York gets what they vote. Nobody voted for that jerk off. I'll say it again. These are all appointed. This is all intentional, what's happening across the country. Again, these are all appointed. This is all intentional, what's happening across the country.

By late Monday, more than 150 protesters had been arrested as the NYU camp was broken up. Sources, they have tents out there, literally camps. Source told the Post that when the tally hit 134, the mass arrest processing system went down, slowing the processing of all those detained conveniently. How many do you have to let go because, you know, what is this? What am I, the convenience store? Fucking, oh, it's the machine's slow today.

Get your fucking Mountain Dew, old man, and get out of here. New York City. Could it be any more shitty? The NYPD could not confirm that number early Tuesday. Really? Probably six. A spokesperson for NYU told PIX that disorderly, disruptive,

and here comes the speech, and antagonizing protesters packed Gould Plaza, prompting the university to send the NYPD a written request. How about picking up the phone? The fuck? Oh, yeah, you can tape an email, whatever, for officers to intervene. Protesters were demanding NYU divest from weapons manufacturers and end the school's relationship with Tel Aviv University.

It's not going to be long before you all kill yourselves because you're all crazy. Think about it. Think about where the Middle East was when Trump left office. He had moved the capital to Jerusalem or was it Tel Aviv? I always confuse the two.

A very heavy Jewish town. But remember? The fucking Abram Accords? Fucking shut ISIS down with a couple of pinpoint explosives. Didn't hear a peep out of them. Things were actually decent over there. Just think about that. And then I'm supposed to believe when you guys put the fucking polls up, Biden's up by one in Pennsylvania. They're tied in. Are you fucking sucking my ass? No, they're not. No, they're not. It's fucking disgusting. What else can we do other than politics on the show? I'm trying to get some whores in here. Male and female. We can't let the ladies out there that dirty. That's dirty old man Burgess in the back.

He's doing this with his beard. Mmm, delicious. Delicious. What a mess. Just look at the country. And I get a feeling, man, because it's, you know, there are signs of people leaving the Dems. You know, young males, there are signs of people leaving the Dems, you know, young males, black and Hispanic, are leaving the Dems finally.

You can only fucking emasculate people so much, and even people sitting on the fence have to be going, what the fuck? Now it's in my backyard. I didn't show this clip of Alec Baldwin yesterday being confronted by a college girl student. Maybe she wasn't college. Anyway, she was black. I could tell how. By her fucking voice, she was black.

And she kept saying, say free Palestine. Say she wouldn't leave him alone in a coffee shop. And it wasn't about Palestine. It wasn't about any of that shit. It was about a young black girl wanting to make a white rich guy fucking bow to her and say whatever. And he finally slapped the phone out of her hand. But you know what?

I didn't feel bad for him either, because your fucking chickens have come home to roost, Alec. Also, the picture of the post that she made with the video said, Alec Baldwin attacked me while I was trying to order coffee. Of course. Of course. But you know what? He helped spawn this fucking creep. So did Bill Maher and all the other jerk-offs that are coming around now

that it's affecting them. I hate you. I always did. Anyway, second half of the show, I'll be talking about tampons and roast beef. Together. Not delicious, no. Anyway, second half of the show, Elon Musk

tells Australia, in so many words, to go fuck themselves. I'm paraphrasing. Very interesting. And Robert Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots, sticks his thumb in the eye of his alma mater, Columbia, because of what's going on and hurts them. It's exclusively on Mug Club. Well, where do I get that?

Well, you get it at nickdip.com. That would be my website. Tremendous. You can buy plastic hips, fentanyl, pork shoulders. It's like Walmart. Snow tires. Like a Walmart or Costco. Only place you can get a fucking knee replacement, you know, and a thousand malted milk balls.

Hey, boys and girls, head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats, T-shirts, hoodies, and more. It's yet another way for you to support the show and look sexy at the same time. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials and all of the Nick-a-shirts. Just go to NickDip.com and click on Store. Again, that's NickDip.com, click on store. Thank you guys so much. See you soon. Any he and a ha. Where am I? What am I doing? Pecker on the stand in Trump's hush money trial. What? That's a guy's name. David, a cheery David Pecker. Oh, is he hard? There he is. Holy shit. It's Pat O'Brien. David, a cheery David Pecker. Oh, is he hard?

There he is. Holy shit, it's Pat O'Brien. The former National Enquirer publisher briefly took the stand Monday in Manhattan, as the younger people say, as the first witness in the criminal trial of Donald Trump 77. This is the hush money one. It's not the one about documents and the fucking thing. It's not about the one with the bank loan. I'm trying to separate them for you. It's not the Georgia one. The ex-president is charged with falsifying business records to cover up hush money payments to pawn. By the way, hush money, it's completely legal with an L. It's like a non-disclosure. It's the same fucking

thing. Nobody's ever been charged with this, ever. And the statute, I said statute, of limitations. Oh, my teeth are old. I've got to lay up the coffee. Gross. Statute of limitations has run. There's nine things that somebody like me could even look at and go, well, I was deposed once. I know about it.

he could even look at and go, well, I was deposed once. I know about it. Anyways, falsifying business records to cover up hush money payments to porn star Stormy Daniels, the head of the 2016 election. And don't take my word for it. Every lawyer that looks at it laughs on both sides. Even Avenatti. Remember him? Who's in prison right now? He said he'd testify on behalf of Trump. I'm sure he's got a hate on for big tits, but you know. Court wrapped early at 12.30 p.m. for a juror's emergency

dentist appointment. Oh, is that how it works? Really? You don't say to the juror, hey, fucking don't make an appointment. You knew you were supposed to be here. Although I think they'd set an alternate juror on TV, but I don't see that here. I don't give a fuck. It's stupid. We're back at 9.30 a.m.

Tuesday for a hearing on Trump's gag order. That will be this morning. That's the other thing. They place a gag order on him. They won't let him move. He can't fart while he's sitting there. It is ridiculous. Then he came out and he had a few things to say yesterday. Thank you very much. It's a big day in Pennsylvania and we hope the people get out there and vote.

It's important to vote to let them know that we're coming on November 5th. We're coming big. Today is preliminary, but still it's very important. Maybe they'll think also about the very good person who's running for the senate in pennsylvania dave mccormick and he's doing a good job he's working very hard successful man wants to put his success to the country he'll be a very good senator so oh they're gonna cheat anyway get out there and go today how about you mr Mr. Trump? mess. And if this were me, he'd be after me, he'd be after me so much, but to try to give him a pass, what's going on is a disgrace to our country. And it's all Biden's fault, and everybody knows that he's got no message. He doesn't. He's got, he's absolutely right. Middle East was quiet when he

left. This Chekhov, first thing he does, the fucking, you know what, the nuclear deal, puts us back into that. All the sanctions he fucking... Lifted on Iran. Lifted all the sanctions. Just made the terrorists rich. And they're close in the polls, though.

Even though inflation, race relations, this, that. this that by far by far if you're being even a little objective the worst president in the history of the planet but trump has 91 indictments yeah exactly un-fucking-believable what to know about hush money is not a crime and uh brag has no case against trump said andrew m McCarthy, who was a fucking White House lawyer when George W. was in office. Michael Avenatti says he's talking to Trump's legal team and would testify for the ex-president.

What does that tell you? And the lead witness, their biggest witness, is Michael Cohen, who's already been busted for lying under oath. What the fuck more do you need to know? That is this trial, right?

Prosecutors only asked him questions for around 20 minutes and haven't gotten to the alleged meetings with Trump and Michael Cohen that are at the heart of the case. Pecker testified that he received a subpoena ordering him to be here, but he seems to be having a good time so far and delivered two high-pitched laughs in response to the prosecutor's questions. Okay, you want to tell us what the question is? Is it because he knows this is a scam too? What the fuck? Think about it. They are literally throwing Biden's opponent in jail, his one threat.

Just think about that. I'm anxious to see either way. Like I said, if Trump wins or Biden wins, I'm anxious to see the response. It has to be something. Oh, we're cooked. We are cooked. I went out and I bought a, you know what, a super soaker just in case it gets ugly down here. Now we got to get you to the range soon.

Yeah, well, I've heard that, Dallas. I'm not going with you. You're going to pull a, you know what I mean, Kyle. What's his name? Chris Kyle. Yeah, absolutely. First come to my house and just fucking go over it again. It's all, all I know, all my guns are completely loaded.

All they have to do is look at them and they're going to go off. That's all I know and that I can do. So don't fuck with me. Let's lighten it up with a, this woman appeared on Gutfeld. I think it's the one. There's a few who do a great impression of Kamala Harris. Social media influencer S.D. Pelt, does Kamala Harris explaining how Dems will win the election in November.

And she's dead on with the voice. And the reason I put up and the material, because these are the actual reasons that the Dems are saying that they think they're going to win. And why do I show this? Because they would never hire her on SNL or whatever. All right. And like I said, it's not would never hire her on SNL or whatever. And like I said, it's not just a good impression. I like the material. And I thought it would be a little palate cleanser between, you know, stories about baby cancer and fucking flat-titted girls.

What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know. I don't care. Go ahead. Roll the tape. My concern is the same no matter who the Republican candidate is. Well, let me just tell you this. No matter who the Republican nominee is, we're winning. Oh, are you? I can smell your ass from here. Do you think Donald Trump at this point is a foregone conclusion? Shut up. Make me a BLT. Well, I'm really confident we're going to win because we're going to cheat. Okay?

We're going to cheat. And we have so many different ways how we're going to accomplish that. First of all, we're flooding the country with new voters. Yes. I was in charge of ignoring the border in order to make that happen. We're going to release a deadly virus, virus disease called X. Yeah, they're talking about that too. Elon Musk can't have all the fun.

You know, once we fear monger the fuck out of everyone. Okay. He's great. We're going to go ahead and still mail in voting. That's how we won last time. and still mail-in voting. That's how we won last time. Ooh, we've weaponized our entire Department of Justice

to go after our opponent, right? And, you know, if all else fails, we'll release the holograms of the aliens and burn the fucking country down, you know, whatever it takes. Go, America. Go, America. This bug's for you.

Okay. Let's get her on the show, Dallas. You're the producer. Make it happen. Look it up. Wasn't that great? She has to come on under the guise that you're interviewing Kamala Harris. That would be fantastic.

Okay, director. I'll do that. I was just trying to hook you up. No. Yes, of course. I'll play the straight man. I've never done that before, but that would be fun. What the?

Stay lit. Fucking fuck. Hey, for those of you on Mug right now you're lucky stick around for the second half of the show everyone else you're very unlucky unless you go to nicktip.com join now then you'll get the rest of the show my full show every day uh monday through thursday steven crowder show which is enough in itself to sign up uh it's it's he backs up all his facts, everything, and breaks down. He gets into the minutia, but he still makes it funny because he hires me and a bunch of other fellas and him. He can do any voice. He's as good. He does Funkhauser on Curb, your Enthusiasm. Who does that?

on Curb, your enthusiasm. Who does that? He does Mark Wahlberg perfectly. And like I said, he's smart as a whip. Very entertaining. Anyways,

everyone else, go to nickdip.com. Join now to get my full show. I already said that. And while you're there, click on the tour button. Once again, holy Christ,

this is next week. Isn't it? Next Wednesday and Thursday, May 1 and 2. Sidesplitters Comedy Club. I thought I said goodbye to that place forever. I'm warming up for the theaters. Tampa, Florida. That should be good because I haven't been on stage in almost eight months.

So, goodness gracious hell-o-ees. I get cranky when I fucking can't remember shit. And my memory's way worse than it was. I lost my Prev in on the last trip. Tour dates, May 10th, two shows, Soul Joel's Comedy Club, Pottstown, Pennsylvania. Then the very next night, May 11th, the big one at the Count Basie Theater.

That's over a thousand seats, folks. We're at 700 tickets. So there's still time to go. And my fans always, and most comedy fans, buy this stuff the week of. We're expecting a great time. That's Count Basie there, Red Bank, New Jersey on May 11th. Hope to see you there, sons of

atches. Hi. Good night, everybody. I won't take all that they hand me down And make out I smile though I wear a frown And I'm not gonna take it all lying down Cause once I get started I go to town Cause I'm not like everybody else No, no

I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else And I don't wanna live my life like everybody else And I don't wanna be destroyed like everybody else And I don't wanna get a job like everybody else Cause I'm not like everybody else I'm not like everybody else