The Nick DiPaolo Show - Daniel Penny Is A Hero | Nick Di Paolo Show #1404

Episode Date: May 24, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about more evidence of invasion, TSA's biometric "pilot" program and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 Hello. Hello. Hello, Governor. Great to be with you on whatever day it is, whenever it's released. Well, you have no idea. I work around the clock. I fly around places. I'm 61 to open the ship. That's why. That's right. I just sent an application in to, you know what? That's right. Old Navy. Never been in one.

Why there? I don't know. How you doing, folks? Hey, I saw a good Paul Lynn clip online. They're like, Paul, what do they say is the best reason to pound meat? Oh, loneliness. Like Dallas said. What did you say to that?

You said something about, oh. They just don't make him the head of it. That's right. Yeah. No, it was great joke writing back then. Great. You know, even a sitcom. Watch Bob Newhart. Again, not to sound old.

Watch those Newhart shows and shows like Mary Tyler Moore. Any great writers, funny jokes, no message. You know, like Seinfeld. I'm not saying we didn't have something in the 90s. You know, like Seinfeld. I'm not saying we didn't have some of the 90, you know, Seinfeld and Cheers and shit, but I'm just saying. Just fucking one-liners. Anyhow, that guy makes me laugh. Anyways, let's not beat around the bush.

I got to get a, I have to go get my second. This makes you feel. my second shingle shot. They do one. You have to get two. One, and then like three, four months later, they give you the second one. Because if they gave it to you all at once, you'd turn into a giant shingle. Remember, I had a little breakout. I've always had the, and again, it's a form of herpes.

Most European people that came over from Europe carried this shit. My grandmother, we blame it on her. She had her ass open for everybody. What? Cut it out. God bless her soul. But I, you know, when a kid I used to get a cold. But as you get older, those sort of went away. You get fucking one every four years, whatever.

And, but I would get, you guys, some of these probably have it, don't even know it. It lies dormant in you, in your spinal cord. And your skin gets sensitive, like it hurts to touch. Or your scalp. I used to be combing my hair going, why is my fucking head so sensitive? It hurts like a mother. And David Letterman had them so bad they would crawl down his face. He would take like three weeks off, if you guys remember, sometimes.

You know, have somebody feel. They would crawl, the people who have them bad, they'd crawl down your scalp into your eyes. Google it. It's great shit to whack off to. So, yeah, it's nasty. I had the patch under my arm, kind of, and it hurts. I told you, my poor Aunt Carol had him so bad, she used to have to sleep sitting up like the elephant man. She didn't even look like him. So yes, I got one a few months ago. But here's the awkward thing, Dallas. I got to go back to the doctor who's located in the hospital that I threw a fit at

when I was going to see another doctor about a hernia in the same building. So I'm going to have to confront the same, you know, fucking angry black chick sitting up front. And she told me I had to put a mask on. I told her to fucking F off, whatever. And it got ugly and I stormed out of there. Remember up the sidewalk, everybody was watching. Well, now you can just quote Biden because it's officially quote unquote over.

Yeah, I know. I know. Exactly. And what's so stupid is there's a hospital right next to this one where you don't have to wear a mask. Literally, you're almost touching each other. Back when I was putting a... Yeah, now I'll bring up Biden.

I'm going to go, hey, you know that jerk off you vote for? Even he said it's over. You let the white man tell you what to do? All right, enough of that horseshit. I thought I'd do the light stuff up front. Start out with a little racial, you know. Anyways, let's get to the story. Death of a country.

Wow, that sounds serious. There was some fantastic reporting this weekend from Ben Bergwam in Yuma. That's in Arizona. I know that much. It's very humid out there. Cut! Ah, suck it. Listen to all of the nations as the

non-citizens stroll by. So this guy's out there at night. This wasn't the only clip I saw. There were some clips at another spot in Arizona where they're climbing up these rocks. In the middle of the night, hundreds of people climbing, scaling these rocks. This is, this is, this should be on every channel 24 hours a day. Fucking push sports out of everything else just to watch your country being invaded with

the help of the jerk offs that we've supposedly, you know, vote for. So this guy is out there with a camera and all these people are coming over in the middle of the night. Not sure why they do that. And he's going to ask them each one what country they're coming from. Go ahead. The daughter's son. America. Cut. What? I got it back in that group, guys. America

America Cut Hey where are the white women at Peru Brazil Africa Ghana Where are you from? Brazil. Brazil. Where are you from? Africa. Ghana. Ghana. I have a house in Ghana.

Mauritania. Oh, Mauritania. Senegal. Senegal. Mauritania. Mauritania. Look at all the women and children, huh? Look at all the women and children. Brazil. Nick said.

Brazil? Brazil. Africa. Ecuador? Ecuador. Holy cow, guys. Yeah. I don't say holy shit very often, but holy shit. Hey, where are the white women at? India? Libya? Is that what I heard?

They're doing this on... Where are you from? San Diego. Brazil? We're doing this on... Where are you from? San Diego. Huh? Brazil? We're lost. Holy cow. Fucking GPS. All right, that's good.

I think we get the point. It's just so ridiculous. Yeah, it really is. But God forbid you say that's wrong. I'm fucked. You know what? Explain this to me. I've been asking this since Biden got elected which he didn't more and more evidence is coming out that he didn't but anyways let's pretend he did um

how is the Democrat party going to survive like if they don't win this next election we can't ever let again you know how I feel about elections. I'm just playing along with you guys. Who would ever vote for that again? They think all these people are going to vote, which they'll let them somehow, right? But they're coming over here not for socialism or Marxism. Most of them are fleeing that dictatorship, right? And that's what the Democrats afford. They don't even know that. It's up to me to explain it to them.

Check the flights for Arizona. Honest to God. And if you say anything, you're a fucking bigot. Is that not sickening? It is. Hey, second half of the show, you're going to want to stick around for this. I'll be talking about the Marine vet who stepped up in a dangerous situation on a New York City subway, put his neck on the line to protect complete strangers. Now he's being treated like a villain. Why? Because he was white. Yeah.

It's as simple as that. Daniel Penny is his name, right? That's who we're talking about. Jordan Neely was the guy that he choked. You know, put him in a chokehold to keep him from hurting other people.

It'll probably turn out the guy had heart, you know, type 19 diabetes, living on Skittles and Prestone. You know what I mean? But they won't tell you guys that. Anyways, that's exclusively on Mug Club. So join now to get it at nickdapaloshow.com, right at the bottom of the screen there. Get it there.

Anyhow, yeah, it's disgusting, man. Could they show any more just hatred for us? The government. They can't get Whitey out of the way fast enough. And they don't give a fuck about those people either. I just showed you coming over the border. It's all about power. Understand. Comprende you coming over the border. It's all about power. Understand? Comprende? Peru? Ecuador? Cleveland? What?

Let's move on. And the headline is, who are you? Who the fuck are you? Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you? No, I'm doing a show. A passenger walks up to an airport security checkpoint, slips an ID card into a slot. I'm telling you how the new shit works at about 15 airports. And looks into a camera atop a small screen. The screen flashes photo complete. And then you hang it on your wall.

No. And the person walks through all without having to hand over their identification to the TSA officer sitting behind the screen. Really, man? Who the fuck are you?

You fucking hypocrite. Why am I a hypocrite? It's all part of a pilot project by the TSA. Those are the people that pretend to check your shit at the airport when they're really hitting on each other and playing with each other. To assess the use of facial recognition technology. Boy, we're getting more like China every day, aren't we?

At a number of airports across the country, because, you know, we're the problem. Problem? You're the fucking problem? You fucking Dr. Y onking jam rag, onking spunk bubble, I'm telling you, H, you keep looking at me, I'm going to put you in the fucking ground, I promise you.

Not this time. The effort comes at a time when the use of various forms of technology to enhance security and streamline procedures is only increasing. TSA says the pilot is voluntary and accurate, but critics have raised concerns about questions. Once again, anytime they increase something under the guise of our security for our good, for our health, your radar should go up because it usually means you're going to lose another civil right. That's been true since Iraq and, you know,

have raised concerns about questions of bias and facial recognition technology. Here we go. I wonder who it's biased against. And possible repercussions for passengers who want to opt out. What are you going to do, spank me? Let's hope so. The technology is currently, first of all, don't you love the TSA?

They got people there who couldn't work at Wendy's. They weren't bright enough, so they come over to the TSA to protect you. You feel good, don't you, when you're going through? The technology is currently in 16 airports. In addition to Baltimore, it's being used at Reagan National near Washington, D.C. You can bet the fucking politicians don't have to go through it. They had that implemented D.C. to protect themselves. In Atlanta, Boston, of course, Dallas. I ain't going through that shit, am I, this weekend? Denver. I'm going to make some faces when I do it.

Detroit, Vegas, Los Angeles, Miami, Orlando. Okay, what's there, eight fucking cities that aren't using it? Orlando, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, San Jose, fucking cities that aren't using it? Orlando, Phoenix, Salt Lake City, San Jose, Peru, Gulfport, Biloxi, and Jackson, Mississippi. What, two airports in Mississippi? However, it's not every TSA checkpoint, so not every traveler going through those airports

would necessarily experience that type of nonsense uh that doesn't make any sense does it shouldn't you all you know i'm saying i guess because it's an experiment i don't a small go ahead no it's experimental, quote-unquote, because it's designed to get people used to it so that it becomes a part of normal procedure and then people just accept it plainly. Well, thank you.

That was well put. It's a pilot program, Nick. But I thought the pilots had to, I'm doing a retarded. Do the pilots have to go? I don't understand. I was never a pilot. Do I have to fly a plane to? This is just so ironic that they're going to have 90-year-old white women fucking looking into that camera, putting their ID in.

fucking looking into that camera, putting their ID in. As people are pouring in, they busted, by the way, a guy on a terrorist from Afghanistan, not with this, coming over the border, our southern border, this past weekend. So how many do we miss? How many are setting up shop? You watched it. The destruction. Anyways, back to this pilot program that seems so terrific. A small sign alerts travelers that their photo will be taken as part of the pilot

program and that they can opt out if they'd like. It also includes a QR code for them to get more information. I can't even use those on my menus. Meg Foster, who I used to bang when I was in college, there she is, she looks pretty good for a 71-year-old. A justice fellow at Georgetown University Center on Privacy and Technology said there are concerns about bias within algorithms of various facial recognition technologies. I wonder who the bias.

Some have a harder time recognizing faces of minorities. Everything. It's just harder on minorities as they keep this myth alive. Whether it's getting fresh groceries in their neighborhood or voting without an ID

because they can't get a... What are you going to do with those people who can't vote because they didn't have a... What are you going to do with those people who can't vote because they didn't have IDs? How are they going to... You're fucking lying. For example, and there's the concern, she says, of outside hackers

figuring out ways to hack into the government systems for nefarious aims. You mean like the Chinese who probably designed this for you? Okay. How about me? I'll hack into it. I'm getting pretty good.

I can play solitaire for an hour without fucking up. With regard to the TSA pilot, now is that one pilot? Is that a captain? Or Foster said she has concerns that while the agency says it's not currently storing the biometric data it collects. We heard that before. Remember? Clapper? James Clapper?

Remember? He said, no, we're not doing that. Then we found out they have a whole 4,000 acres out west of it. What if that changes in the future? While people are allowed to opt out, she said, it's not fair to put the onus on harried passengers. That means you're in a hurry. Who might be worried about missing their flight if they do.

That's me. You are correct, sir. I'm going to just fuck with it. I'm going to put in like, I'm going to make fake IDs, which just to get a kick out of it, you know, put it in and they're going to go, it says you're Bill Cosby. Carol Channing? What? Yeah, just fuck with them. But guys, just the irony. That's all I want to say about that story. They're toughening up regulations on us well South and Central America

are pouring in unvetted it's fucking could they show any more disdain for us honestly I'm sure they could it's making me sick I'm going to have to go over that list see how many I'm flying

Dallas that's this weekend and oh oh that's right Dallas that's the other thing about that airport. And I've only experienced it at Dallas

and I don't know why. And if you're out there, call my hotline and tell me if I'm wrong or not. 1-800-LANG-FUCK. Why did the flights change? The gates changed five or six times within an hour. It's like somebody's upstairs fucking with us look at this guy we got him at 11 B sent him a 38 G

back and both last three times I've flown out of there and even I told you a flight attendant it was this woman said to me yeah your flight probably gonna change three more times before you take off and she was right on the money what is that? Is it because of the airport's so big? Or it's a way for the government to make us overweight people? I don't know. Okay.

Anyhow. For those of you guys on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to nickdipalashow.com and join to get my full show. Get Steve and Crowder's show and a whole lot more. And while you're there, you can get tickets to see me live. If you go to nickdip.com and nickdipalashow.com, click on the tour button, you'll see that I'll be in Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse. That's in Arlington. I thought it was Alexandria, but Arlington, one of the two. July 14th and 15th at the Drafthouse.

I've been there many times. And like I said, it's the only place where if somebody wants to yell something out, they have to pull the thing on the recliner to sit up. It's got all these old things. It's really cool. It looks like they just shot porn there like 10 minutes before my show's done. It's really sticky Anyways, that's gross Oh guitar solo Outro Music