The Nick DiPaolo Show - Dave Landau | Nick Di Paolo Show #1324

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

Nick interviews comedian, Dave Landau.

Make sure to follow me on Rumble, whatever that is. We're posting the show there now, too, and it Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

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Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Happy Filthy Monday to you folks. Got a great show for you today. A friend of mine, a great comic, the very funny Dave Landau is on the show. And he's one of the, look, he's a sidekick to Crowder. He was on Comia, Last Comic Standing, Comedy Central Special.

Just a funny dude, just naturally funny. Here's a little bit of his work. I'm actually married myself. I just celebrated my four-year wedding anniversary, which is kind of exciting, and thank you. It's a good anniversary. I gave her diamond earrings. She gave me a homemade coupon for sex

that expired in June of 07. Maybe next year I'll get a DeLorean time machine. It's me from the future. Lay down. Now. I'll tell you what sucks, too, the most about homemade sex coupons, and that's that they're only redeemable at her store. I mean, that's not fair like this is a gift let me shop around you know what i mean it'll buy one get one bogey welcome the very funny dave

landau how are you david good sir how about you i am for a while i am hanging in there yes uh but thank you for doing this man one of the one the best comics around, no doubt about it. Oh, thanks, man. Before I noticed the Alliance hat right away. Yeah, it's the first time I've not been ashamed to wear it ever. I was going to say, when's the last time you put that on? When Alex Karrasch retired? Yes, back in my life.

I believe Barry Bonds would be responsible for any touchdown in a losing game wait a minute barry bonds or barry barry sanders why did i say bonds i didn't know you were good players hey that's all right gay guys don't know a lot about sports no problem it happens i i you get so much dick in your face you just forget let me just say something. Barry Bonds could have been a running back in the NFL, by the way. Yeah, well, definitely for the Lions. Guy was what, 5'9", 260 with no fat on him?

That fucking hat kept growing. I was going to say, though, the Lions, let me say, I'm in a pool, which is a very faggy thing to say. Hey, excuse me, Dallas, can you put the clock where I can see it? Keep going. Fuck it. This is how we do shit here.

It's why it's 143rd out of 300 podcasts in the Uruguay market. The Lions. Let me tell you about the Lions. I'm in a football pool. They always cover for me for the last, they've been good to me every year. And so what do I do last week against the Vikings? I go against them and they stuck it right up my ass.

They, let me tell you something. They are going to be a problem for teams next year or maybe this year. What do you think? I think that we actually have a shot. I think Dan Campbell is the reason why they're doing good, honestly. I like Jim Caldwell. I actually got to meet him. You did?

He was good. He was a good coach. But Dan Campbell, just like when, I don't know, did you see any of the HBO series on it? I did not. I was watching a lot of porn that time, and I was in rehab. I understand. Yeah, well, White Orchid's on.

You know, you don't want to I keep hearing that name. Or white lotus or whatever. White orchids. So we got so far, we have Barry. Barry Bonds running back. And white skunk cabbage.

Oh, yeah. That's how I do comedy. I make half references. Oh, yeah. Yeah, so no, but I know I'm familiar with Dan Campbell's work. Yeah, but Dan Campbell, what he did was he had them practicing in actual full-on pads and getting them to just beat the hell out of each other, which they had never done before. They never even thought about it. And there's this great training facility in Michigan that they have,

and it was amazing to watch because they were just doing it harder than they ever had before really just seeing the psychopath because the way he screams at him and just talks about destroying the other team and eating him alive and yeah he's just intense and i think he's just what they need and then you have like you know uh is it ragnar's back see well i mean you just have these really good good players and i think we actually have a chance. I don't know about a Super Bowl, but we might get near it one day in my life. Well, yeah, baby steps. See if we can get in the

playoffs this year. They put up points against everybody. Was Dan Campbell a... Well, the last time the Lions practiced in pads, I think George Plimpton suffered a concussion. They had leather helmets. Do you remember

George? I don't even know how old Dave is. I'm probably doing references in a way too old. But you remember Plimpton, right? When he played for the Lions? I do, though, yeah. Yeah, you remember that whole story. For you people at home, fuck you. You don't even like George Plimpton. But he was a terrific kid. Run to his right and looks like a 110-year-old author.

But no, they've been good to me that's all my my thing and i'm happy for detroit's a good sports town man you gotta have you gotta have i mean the red wings haven't done much lately you gotta have somebody in there the tigers don't do much you gotta the lions are way overdue wait oh that's a it's kind of like the right when the red socksx finally won the series. You wanted them to win. There's just a lot of people that back up the Lions. And we had Hockey Town for a long time, which that's one of the greatest stories ever. We had Probert.

We brought in KGB soldiers from Russia. That's right. For real. I know. The uniforms even look like the Red Army team in Russia. You ever notice that? Yeah. Yeah.

And they had a guy. Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. No, no, no. You go ahead. I'm sorry. Bob Probert was the baddest fucking man. Voted the toughest guy ever to play the game.

He loved his cocaine and his drugs, and he fought like he did. He was the scariest motherfucker. He's dead now, which all legends go out that way. I think they found him. I think he died in the same hotel as me. I was at Equality Inn doing a gig at Livonia, and I think he... I think they found him in the next room.

It's the Bob Probert suite. Yes, the Bob Probert suite. He was a tough, and not a bad hockey play either but yes you guys did have your glory day that with steve eiserman and stuff and i didn't want to turn this into a whole sports show but how about my i gotta get this in before we move on my bruins this year came out of the gate like i don't know if you've followed uh they're like 22 and four. Yeah. I mean, breaking records for Boston, the Bruins were out since 1922, and they're setting all kinds of records,

which nobody expected, by the way. So I know some of my gay fans right now are taking a nap. Wake up! This is good for you. Like, yeah, there's... I've always loved sports. My dad was in the hospital in Boston when I was a kid, and I remember I went to Fenway because the doctor gave my brother and i tickets and i decided to wear a tiger's hat and i mind you i'm like 16 i had never been called so many gay slurs in my life as a

child boston's big on the look at this i can't even laugh look at this what happened i have i have crowns here you know know, fucking hockey sticks. Oh, you get Probert mouth. I get Probert mouth, yes. And they gave me one of these fake tooth things to pop in, like Probert would or any hockey player. But it feels like you're sucking on, like somebody said, a belt buckle. I'm trying to talk with the tooth seal.

I'm talking like Rich Voss. Jesus Christ. So I pull that fucker out. Now I look like I grew up here in Georgia. But anyways. The locals still think it's the best mouth in town. Oh, Jesus. Anyhow, I forgot to bring my plate.

But where the hell were we? Moving on to. Yeah, I haven't. God, I haven't done. You're still with Crowder, right? You're in the seat with crowder still yeah yeah i'm still doing third share over a crowder and uh yeah it's uh we're i think thursday or no uh last thursday is our was our last day i just remembered this is a different day oh i think you have editors oh this is monday yeah both of us happy kwanzaa everybody i don't fucking yeah tis the season tis the season shoplift at walmart what yeah i'm not

quite sure what that is that celebrates burning down a walgreens well that's what i said it's very it's very rich in tradition it goes back back to the George Floyd riots of 2020. It's steeped in tradition. This is horrible. This is what you get with Dave Landau and Nick DePaul to get together. And it's why Crowder loves him in Comia, because this is the type of talk let's this is a good segue into into twitter and don't you love what mr elon musk is doing right now i think he's doing god's work or am i missing something no it's the greatest i love that he's exposing fauci for the you know millions of people that he killed yeah you have the the head of pfizer stepping down because we've actually looked back into everything that he said and the way that he kind of said it where he's like yeah i would say that the vax people are probably buying if you think about it i mean in the uk variant he's just making up variants because he doesn't know how to answer the question because he says yes he knows that he's guilty of murder so like when you look back

it's it's amazing but now when now i'm actually very fearful for people that got that shot. I really am. Because the amount of evidence that is pouring out. And what's fun is he's doing it in a way that he's allowing them to lie. He's allowing them to not only did he allow them to lie, but he's allowing them to now tell the truth. He's letting out little pieces of information at a time and letting them see if anybody comes clean and they're not and the stuff that's coming out is i mean i think you and i knew it oh yeah but the denial going on on the other side is is still mind-boggling yes i

don't even know if you call it denial i don't know what it's creepy it's creepy i'm like if if they're just acting if they really know they're wrong and don't believe but nobody can act for this long and this good do you know i'm saying they must really believe the horseshit they're saying or do you think they know better and they're just lying through their teeth i think they've been sort of brainwashed i don't know i can't it's creepy i think it's brainwashed i mean a lot of healthy i remember it back in high school when all my you know uh friends that play football were having massive heart attacks uh you know and just the blood clot issues and yes 30 year olds and you know you know how it was yep just it's just what it's always been right

there's so many things that have that have happened now that they just refuse to look at and you look at people who you have people with bell's palsy going like i would get the shot again it's like you have covid and bell's palsy and you're telling me that you would get the shot again you just did the most subtle Bell palsy. He drooped his eye. I don't know how he did it. He's like, fucking Carpafil, your eye drooped a little. My dad got Bell's palsy. It had nothing to do with COVID. This was, Christ, 20 years ago.

He was like, I don't know, 70 or 68, and I come home and his face, and he goes, I look like, exact word, you wonder where I get my sense of humor. I look like an old Jew lawyer. He got out of a parking ticket that day. I said, dad,

you look more like Stallone in Rocky two. He had me fucking laughing and it popped back at the place a few days later. But yes, yes, he made me laugh so goddamn hard most people be nervous about it he didn't fucking uh my dad was a little vain like i am but that that had me cracking up why a jewish lawyer dad i don't know i just thought you'd make you laugh i brought you up hateful but no um so yeah you're right though uh like when i was a university

of maine uh kids, you know, half our team was shooting, you know, fucking anabolics in their ass. And now a lot of them, kidneys, liver, a couple of them are gone. I'm scared. I didn't get this. So you didn't get, obviously, you didn't get the vax. No, and I had considered it for a minute because you heard all the information. I was living at Anthony's house, actually, during the pandemic.

We were like, we're just going to do it out of the basement instead of dealing with everything going on in New York. Just because it was getting to the point where it was just really violent right where the studio was. It was getting to be ridiculous. They were throwing out office furniture and there would just be homeless people fucking on it. And it was just like holding meetings and stuff. We were like, you know, we'll just kind of go to the suburbs for a little bit. And so there really wasn't a reason to. But then my friends that got it kept getting COVID.

And then I kept not getting COVID. And I thought, you know, I'll just kind of stick with this plan. And I kept traveling. I flew the entire time. I went to anywhere that would book me, which was usually, you know, I'll just kind of stick with this plan. And I kept traveling. I flew the entire time. I went to anywhere that would book me, which was usually, you know, like Alabama, Louisiana, Florida, you know, and I never got it. So you never got COVID? No, I got it. I've had it twice and I'm no spring chicken,

but I'm also not a black woman in her late 80s that weighs 490 pounds. Not yet. You're not a nurse? No, I'm... Yes, I get fired at the DMV. I'm transitioning. I'm going to look like fucking Warren Sapp

with a wig about a year and a half. Yeah, no, that's... You're not a nurse. That's perfect, especially if you're down here. That's perfect. I got it, Dave. Again, this goes back to Elon Musk. Release him.

We've turned it into a... But it's relative. Yeah, I got the original, not the COVID light. I got the original classic COVID. I was doing a gig in Chicago. This is right when it broke big, COVID. Two weekends in a row, I had to connect on planes. So that meant I was on eight different planes in two weekends.

After the Chicago gig, I was doing Zany's out by the airport there. I shook about 300 hands after the show had one of my best sets ever i must honestly god i think i met everybody in the place go into the green room there's a slice of pizza left i don't even want i don't even think about i pick it up eat it after i just shook 300 hands oh and and fucking uh i i remember yeah i remember getting on the plane on the way home going, oh, Jesus Christ, remembering. I was sitting in the seat going, oh, fuck.

I get home that night. I'm fine. I go to bed. I wake up to take a piss about 5 in the morning, as people in their late 70s will do. And I get up. I'm in my underwear. Dave, I'm going like this.

My teeth are chattering. My head is soaked. you could have wrung my pillow out my teeth are fucking banging together i'm trying to piss and you know when you have a wicked i mean everything was convulsing my my and and it happened the next night and then i the next day i felt a hundred percent but what happens is about a month after that you get this tired that i've never felt in my frigging life. It's the most exhausting. And so that, and then about a year later, me and my wife got it last February, end of February, we both got it.

And I mean, to the point where I couldn't come in here and sit in this chair and do the fucking show. Dude, I can't imagine what it's like to have cancer and go through chemo. I've never been that drained of energy. It's a weird, it's a whole different, but that being said, I'm still happy I didn't

get the, it didn't kill me. It was a bad flu with some blood in my stomach. Were you Were you just like sleeping the whole time? Yes, it was. Okay. But achy, I mean, you feel your aid.

It was so like I would literally go, I want to get up and get a glass of orange juice, and I'm in the living room, and I'd go, fuck it. And I'd fall asleep for an hour and then go, oh, I think I have the energy to get that orange juice now. It was paralyzing. It was a different kind of tired for me. But you haven't even got it at all. No, and it's like there's points where I thought I've had it and I've said it, but it was never that I had it, you know,

like for sure. And my son had it, and he couldn't feel it at all. And it was actually a trip when we were going to supposed to go to disney world and imagine telling a six-year-old that he can't go to disney world for a cold he can't feel and my son is like a really well-behaved kid and he goes you call that doctor back and tell her it's bullshit that's his exact words and i was like no son it it's it's hard to explain like it doesn't really affect you the same as other people and he's like fuck that

he's all angry I'm trying not to laugh because it's wrong but it was so funny and sad I ended up taking him but he was so pissed because it was right around when this first started happening and they hadn't shut down yet

and he had got it from school and kindergarten. And I felt terrible. And like I and everybody around me has had it. Anthony had it when I was with him twice, I think. And he was in studio. And then I Crowder's had it twice. It's crowded. I've never tested for it.

Is Crowder vaccinated? What's that? Is Crowder's had it twice. Is Crowder vaccinated? I've never tested for it. Is Crowder vaccinated? What's that? Is Crowder vaccinated? No, no. No. And we've had raw sex seven, eight times. And just nothing. You got to do what you do to feed your kid.

You know what I'm saying? I mean, it's a living. It's a living. And what else? It's like the Flintstones bird. What else about some of these other dumps? Like today, the big over the weekend, you know, I mean, literally like the counterintel, FBI, CIA, having little chats with the executives at Twitter on how to, what do we do about Trump? He has no real reason to kick him off Twitter. Let's make up something up.

And they're arguing back and forth. Do you, I mean, do you fuck, this is bigger. I'm sick of the fucking Watergate. We've had 19 things bigger than Watergate since Watergate happened. But this is, rock the fucking world. And I see our new house speaker, Kevin, we're going to have here.

I don't want hearings. I want being I want people being fucking bull whipped in the being. I want to see Hillary hung by her ankles from a from a caterpillar crane like they're doing Tehran. You would need a crane. That's right. Yeah, I want to see some action. I don't want fucking hearings that are going to result in nothing but can you imagine not letting a former president by the way we're talking to the great

dave landau a very funny comedian um who travels the country and uh he's uh one of crowded psychics um can you imagine if a former president and they're booting them off yet yet they still have the ayatollahs that were on twitter you know and child porn and ayatollahs watching child porn all kinds of shit oh well people pushing normalizing child pedophilia i mean yes oh i mean not that that needs to be child pedophilia is redundant but still yeah i don't like that i don't like the adult but it's you have actual what's what's sad is this it's completely immoral that we kicked off a sitting president i've not heard one person on the right say that joe biden should not be allowed to talk on any so i guess you don't watch his show dave yeah yeah his own no his own brain no you're absolutely right you're right yeah it's like you

have but uh yeah you have basically this entire it was entirely manipulated so you're looking at something where it's been entirely manipulated to get him off and then they use these things that were completely made up they made up rules to kick a sitting president off of a platform that he was the largest person on that platform, arguably. So he wasn't able to talk to his fan base. And I mean, I really would say fan base because that's what he had. I mean, he really was a massive rock star of a president more than we've ever seen, regardless of what anybody's politics are. And I don't care if you're on the right or left, you should be completely against, you know, free letter agencies ripping the president off of any social platform. It's completely wrong.

And it's like you said with Watergate. Watergate is just, it's quaint compared to anything that's happened in the last 30 years. Yeah, because we're talking about a global scale here. It almost feels to me, and I hope I'm wrong, that the globalist, the die has been cast. Did I say that right, or is it the cast that died? Yes, the die has been cast. It almost feels like, I don't know, it's too late. I hope I'm wrong, but the whole world is on this um this this globalist socialist i mean i feel like you me 11 other people and people who voted for trump are the only ones standing you know between us

and what biden wants and his fucking marxist handlers doesn't it feel like the rest of the world's already been suckered into that what am i missing here no i feel like it's been made up i mean you're looking at what people people look at socialism like it's this wonderful idea and communism as if it's this good idea and they don't realize that it's seeping in what they don't understand is this is all about power it's all about one person or a very small group of people getting all the power getting all the wealth and everybody else suffering and I don't see how they don't understand how once we lock down America that's the thing that scared me the most right you know and I've talked about it on my show like like many times my dad died of Agent Orange uh because of exposure in Vietnam and the government

did absolutely nothing to help my family and that's what i learned at a very like young age like okay well this is kind of what the government does they don't really care you know they're sort of and you have to be aware of that so anybody who's championing them right now thinking that it's like this righteous loving cause to believe in like locking down wearing masks being compliant doing what you're told at all costs. It's the wrong way to look at it. And it's exactly what they want you to think. They want you to think that doing all these things, it's why the right has become the counterculture.

But it's also like doing all these things is what's going to benefit you. Every bit of this takes away your speech and your freedoms. And I cannot grasp, and really your health, but I can't grasp how people are defending it. I really don't. Even if you hate the guy. It gives you an idea how far they have their claws into these college kids for the last, I don't know how many years. I mean, college campuses is just, you know, Marxist indoctrination going on forever now, not just when Trump showed up. And now it's really seeped in. I noticed it like when comedy clubs, you know, people say, how do you get away with what you say and stuff?

Well, it used to be easy because the guys that ran the clubs thought like I did and stuff. easy because the guys that ran the clubs thought like I did and stuff luckily I don't do that much road work anymore now now I hear about these young comedians like getting getting in trouble for a rape joke and the club won't have them back because they got three emails and the people who run the clubs the people that are uh in management are part of the crowd that grew up with this PC horse shouldn't actually believe in it. Again, luckily or unluckily, I'm at the age where I don't have to deal with too much of this anymore, but have you

found that? I mean, I heard a few young comics Kurt Mesker got in a lot of trouble for whatever you know, guys that I like that push the envelope and are very American, getting in trouble. Have you experienced any of that yourself or you witnessed it? Oh, I've definitely had people where, I mean, they get offended. They tell the club they have

issues. You'll hear from the club afterwards. Not as much because I tend to work for people who have known me for 20 years now, 18 years now. And I kind of got into it and you know the the very early 2000s where it was still at least for me i i didn't come from a culture where politically correct mattered i didn't come from i mean that's when like i mean you were on tough crowd half an hour presents were like you know patrice giraldo all you guys right it's it so really that that wasn't the culture. So when I was doing it, that's kind of what everybody did. And now I don't know what's happened because, yes, there's always somebody who is going to get offended. And it did start on college campuses. Like there was a time where especially when you're like 22, 23, they'll book you in colleges everywhere. And I was doing great because they were like minded. But all of a sudden I was getting closer to 30 I was pissing people off I remember one time a woman stood up and was like I made a

joke about Hitler and she's like I'm trying to eat lunch I don't need to be hearing about any Hitler and I'm like I go I don't want to really be performing in a lunchroom and like I started making fun of her and then like 10 other students came up and started like booing me and protesting and then i had to be escorted out of a back entrance and to my car by security and this is like probably 12 years ago and that's when i first noticed like okay well these colleges are starting to change a little bit because it wasn't really my generation it was the one under me that had phones and had in their internet and had, you know, it was just that because there's such a difference between my, even my age group and people five

years younger than me, just because of the internet and just because of what they had access to. So I noticed that change pretty rapidly. And now, fortunately, because of like Anthony and Crowder and people that come out to the show, the majority of the people know what I'm going to do. That's right. Right. And that's the benefit. But yeah, you're always like now I'm always I'm always worried, but I'm always aware that somebody is going to get pissed off. Yeah.

Yeah. I I made a joke. I saw an ad for it was it was the Special Olympics or whatever, and they had like a Down syndrome kid giving the finger, like cocky. A kid with Down syndrome giving the finger. Of course, I had to tweet something about, you know, whatever. I'm sure it wasn't very nice, but it was. The tweet, the essence of was was blaming the people who

staged the photo and using this kid as a you know he's just like you you know whatever so i i made some crack about it and and and then fucking you know some guy was threatening me to the point right i had to talk to the fucking fbi twice are you serious yes um And I'm like, other than that, I've been lucky, man, because I think I sort of, like you said, with Tough Crowd, I put that shit out there, you know, that was 20 years ago. I was saying shit like that. And somehow Colin was a genius enough for us to get away with it. But I sort of, people sort of knew, it it was a kind of a uh bittersweet thing it helped me it gave me this real you know they knew who i was because of my me and patrice and our

racial views but it also hurt me with you know you get a lot of auditions that you might not even know they said no to you you know you might have been brought up in a meeting and then they're like no have you gone to his i have you seen this episode have you done that yeah of course did you hear him roasting arty lang on howard stern did you yeah i like the lady though what you just said the lady i don't want to hear about hitler i'm eating what are you what are you fucking eating fucking sauerkraut and uh fucking jew blood what are you what sauerkraut and jew blood yeah exactly he must oh my god i got the perfect christmas gift idea for you head over to nickdip.com to get exclusive hats t-shirts hoodies and more they're a great gift for any listener, and it's yet another way for you to support the show and free speech. You can also get signed copies of my previous specials

and all the Knicker shirts. Just go to nickdip.com and click on the store button. Again, that's nickdip.com. Click on the store button, and thank you guys so much. It's just somehow comics though became like i don't understand there's a microphone in front of you you're on stage you're making jokes roasts have been huge i don't i don't understand where the disconnect is where any of that should be taken seriously or as actual that's speech i'll never get it and and yeah i've had stuff where like there was a girl who came to my show it was was in Ann Arbor, Michigan, which is very, very liberal. But the club there is fantastic.

But the owner comes up to me and goes, there's a reporter for the U of M paper here. And I go, oh, good. So I'm already racist. And I hadn't even gone on stage. That's not the castle, right? It's not the comedy castle. No. No, no.

Comedy castle is great. That's in Royal Oak. Royal Oak. Yeah. Okay, good. Yeah, yeah. This one's the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase, which is a great room, too, but it was for the University of Michigan newspaper.

So I'm like, okay. So I get on stage, and I see her in the front row. And her article, of course, because I made a joke, Dearborn, Michigan's there. It's very highly Muslim. And I did a joke about living in New York. And I said, we went to the world trade center and my friend goes you think this could happen in detroit and i was like nah dearborn's there they're not gonna shit where they eat and

and it's just like a really like just like low blow fun joke for the area you know and so she immediately yeah like writes the article about how you know it's it he's a very very he's a very funny comic and that's what i hated it's like it's a complimentary but then also lets you know that i said all these racist things and at one point was misogynistic the end even what she cited as misogyny didn't really make any sense to me so but it was like she came there prepared to what for the article she was going to write i knew the article she was going to write because i knew the bias of the of the campus and it was exactly what it ended up there was nothing i could have done

to avoid it right it's like they have their agenda and there's no way to change their minds even before you even before i walked on stage that's why a lot of this just doesn't surprise me that's amazing though they they're actually complimentary in the article i don't even get that i go i hated they go i hated this guy's face the minute he fucking walked to the microphone that's how they start my article he looks like the italian kid who beat me up in third grade let it go bitch anyways um oh. Oh, they hate me. It's nice for the compliment, but the backhanded compliment is always just the most lovely thing. Oh, I did laugh,

but he should be dead. That is it, though. And it shows you how, like I said, how deep into their heads they are. And it's those scumbag Marxist professors and these cocksuckers that were hippies, you know, now making tons of money running colleges. It's a big racket.

The whole system needs a douching from networks, from big tech, especially academia. They did. They got their claws into all the major institutions, and now it feels like, you know what I mean? It really feels like they have a grasp. I don't know where it's going. But anyways, David, I appreciate you taking the time, brother. This guy is as funny as anybody you'll see.

You got any gigs you want to plug? Any colleges where you'll be thrown out? Yes. I'll be at the University of Michigan for four minutes coming up in April. This New Year's Eve, I'll be at the Funny Bone in Toledo, actually. So, yeah, if anybody wants to come out to Toledo, that is that. I know you don't want to. So but if you happen to live there and you want to go to a show, come out to the Toledo Funny Bone.

I'm telling you guys, if you have a Learjet or a helicopter, fly into Toledo. It's going to be well worth the goddamn while. Yeah, and by the way, we get paid pretty good, although I haven't worked at New Year's in fucking, I don't know. One club wanted me to be on stage at midnight. I said, kiss my ass. And the guy

said, okay, you can go home. I wouldn't if I was you either. You don't want me ringing in the New Year. I only had one good bit about New Year's. I go, why do people get excited about New Year's Eve? I go, why are you celebrating a year that's yet to happen? I would say, how do you know

it's not going to say... I said, I'm pretty sure somebody just died. It was somebody famous like Chris Farley. I go, I'm pretty sure somebody just died. It was somebody famous like Chris. I go, I'm pretty sure Chris Farley was in a good mood a year ago today with his noisemaker and shit. You know, it was one of those uplifting jokes.

That would be my opening. And, but so go see him Toledo. What, what, what was the club again? Toledo funny bone, funny bone Toledo.

Yeah. Thanks David. Very much for doing this, man. Thank you. I appreciate you, man. And same here. We'll see you on Crowder. Crowder wants me to do something Christmas-less thing that I did last year. Cool.

Hopefully I'll pop on there. Thanks, Dave. Thank you, sir. All right, have a good Kwanzaa. All right. Again, thanks to Dave Landau. Very funny dude. That is it for the day ladies and gentlemen uh don't forget cameo.com if you want me to roast a friend or relative go to cameo.com

you guys think it I will say it uh you're very welcome see you back here tomorrow have a good day hi good night everybody Hi. Good night, everybody. guitar solo I'm not sure. Outro Music