The Nick DiPaolo Show - DC Circle Jerk | Nick Di Paolo Show #1390

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

In this episode right leaning comedian Nick Di Paolo talks about the DC circle jerk dinner, Tucker Carlson and more! Like what you hear?  Get TWICE as much "Nick Di Paolo Show", full episodes of Steven Crowder’s “Louder with Crowder” show and more on Mug Club! Sign up today to get all their content at https://NickDiPaoloShow.com and use the promo code NICKDIP to get your first month FREE! For Tour Dates, Merch, stand-up clips and more visit https://nickdip.com 

🎵 That's when it just clicked in my mind that if you just run through somebody's face, a lot of people ain't going to be able to take that over and over and over and over and over and... He crazy. That's what happens when you live on Skittles, when your mother's carrying you. Oh, God. Folks, how are you? Have I seen you in a while? I don't even know how would you... Well, I have. Obviously, we put some shows in the can. I'm so confused. Shit's too complicated for... Anyways, great to be here and... What do I want to get off my chest first? Well, my Boston Bruins, I have one thing to say.

That's all that was, folks. It was a good old-fashioned choking. No excuses. Sure, we didn't match up against them well. They beat us twice. Only two teams beat us twice in a regular season. These motherfuckers did it in Boston. And then they just took three from us in a row.

That's not an accident. That's El Choco. I don't know what Charlie McAvoy, I'm praying he was injured during this series because he played like a fucking high school freshman. Hope he doesn't see this. I love him. Like one of my favorite Bruins, but P fucking you.

Not to mention a couple others that didn't show up. Allmark shit the bed. Hard to blame him. He carried us for the most, but still you can't do that he had an under 90 save percentage in the fucking

in the playoffs you got to rise to the occasion my cleaned it up for you I don't know what else to say other than what a day I just feel bad for them

but Swyman played good enough yesterday I hope you guys are hockey fans I don't know other than what a day. I just feel bad for them. But Swayman played good enough yesterday. I hope you guys are hockey fans. I don't know. Again, a lot of years are... I don't even know what demographic I'm playing to. Northeast. Not many real conservatives in the Northeast. Although my fans are.

Bottom line, El Choco. That's all I'm going to say about that. They are gone. The rest of the league is going, whew. They are gone. And you get the Rangers and Devils tonight. You people out there who don't watch NHL, I'm a football guy. Football is my, I played it, I love it, I eat and sleep it.

Mostly college. NFL, get tired after. But anyways, even in the NFL. I'm just saying, playoff hockey, there's an intensity there that only white people could bring to work. What? I know there's some black players in the league. And I said it. There's only about five of them, and they are better than average.

If I started a hockey team tomorrow, I'd be drafting black guys. They're fast they're strong and uh let's face it stick in the hand come on and speaking of dallas uh speaking of dallas i just got back from dallas that's not what i was gonna say i was gonna go speak out of dallas we were on a trip but even better so we were uh you know in St. Louis since I've seen you last. Sold out three out of four, and the third one was damn close. It's already happening, folks. There's already a buzz out there, and it's a combination of my guys on social media who know what the fuck they're doing, which I've never really had, and obviously Crowder, who's a whirlwind as far as that goes.

And can't wait. Anyway, let's move on because before I know it, I'm going to have to send you away. What's the first story tonight, Jim? What do we have for Bob Dickhead dinner in D.C.? That can only mean one thing. Did you see this schmuck, this thing we call president, which is Hollywood stars and Washington, D.C. elites.

In other words, the biggest jerk-offs on the planet got together and did what? Jerked each other off. They mocked former Fox News host Tucker Carlson. Yeah, see if you mock him. He's only got the world at his feet now, and he's not going to be restrained by Fox News Channel to say shit. You guys just, as Chuck Schumer would say, you unleashed a whirlwind, who are such? Tucker Carlson at this year's White House Correspondents Dinner on Saturday. President Joe Jerkoff Biden was one of the speakers

who took a shot at Carlson after he parted ways with Fox News this week. Look at fuckstain. He doesn't even know where he is right now. I bet you they didn't even do this in D.C. See that? That's Photoshop behind him. That crowd's not there. And he died two weeks ago.

He doesn't even know it, dinkweed. All right, play shithead. The truth is, we really have a record to be proud of. Oh my God. Vaccinated the nation. Pause. Vaccinated the nation? That's the funniest thing that was said at that dinner. Does anybody believe this

jerk off? Oh, is it Trump? Who came up with warp speed? And not that Trump should be proud of that either, because he used Fauci and the vaccines are worse than the goddamn disease. But I'm... Even with all that, he should be saying, I had nothing to do with that.

But that's how stupid he is. We poisoned the world. We gave 11-year-olds giant hearts. Kidney failure. Dialysis. Go ahead. Transformed the economy. Earned historic legislative victories.

Pause. Transformed the economy, yeah, from a great one to a third-world one. You fuckstain. Go ahead. Term results, but the job isn't finished. I mean, it is finished for Tucker Carlson. Oh, what are you moaning about like that? Now, now, reasonable. I pause. Oh, that's it. That's the clip. That's it. Anyways, I love the fact. The part I like is when he yelled at the audience, because when they moan, that's what I do, folks, at my show.

I actually agree with Biden. Don't fucking moan. Either laugh or don't laugh. Moaning is, Judge, I used to have this argument with a lot of comedians. No, they're with you. No, they're not. When they laugh, they're with me. Oh, it's like, oh, that was too mean.

Don't tell me my job. Then I tell my wife to make me a blt what that's sexist oh eat shit oh oh dallas what do you mean you've seen me do that joe real funny joe fucking idiot Joe. Real funny, Joe. Fucking idiot. Please. He won't. Roy Wood Jr., who, I gotta be honest with you, I've heard his bits on the radio, and I go, he's pretty funny.

But again, when he's got white libs writing for him, it'll... And here's what I said to Dallas right before we did this story. You know why it's easy to be a left-wing comic because you're not hindered by something called the truth or honesty. You can just go along with these fairy tales and, you know, like Trump was a Russian agent and make all those jokes. And you're full of shit about everything. Anyways, Roy Wood Jr. here who doubles as Biden's butler. They didn't tell you that. The dinner's keynote

speaker made several jokes about Carlson. In one joke, he alluded to Carlson's former show as being a fake news program. Let's take a listen. Scandals. Scandals have been devouring careers this year. The untouchable Tucker Carlson is out of a job. Yeah. Okay.

Some people celebrate it. But to Tucker's staff, I want you to know that I know what you're feeling. I work at The Daily Show, so I, too, have been blindsided by the sudden departure of the host of a fake news program. Your husband has proved it. Oh, my God. Tucker got caught up. Got caught up like that dude from Vanderpump Rules Huh? Text message stuff

I don't know what Vanderpump Rules is about I just watched it a couple times My friends told me it's like DMF but for white people Or is that secession? No, secession is power for white people No, Tucker Carlson is power for white people No, thatcession is power for white people. No, Tucker Carlson is power for white people. No, that's white power. You know what?

Never mind. Don't worry about that. Yeah, all right. We won't. All right, that's enough. Fuck him. Hey, where are the white women at? They're running from you.

Whatever. And again, not a bad comic, but come on. Making fun of Tucker Carlson who's about to eat all of you alive. What's funny is they've shown this on CNN. Fucking imagine.

Tucker's show is so phony and so false and full of lies. It's only been number one for enthrousing everybody in that for the last eight years. That's how, you know.

And it's not, oh, oh, baloney you, but no, no, no, no. People on both sides, when you listen to a show or a TV show, and after about a year, if you go, hey, this guy's getting it all wrong, you go to another show or you don't watch. By the way, remember Tucker had more, after CNN shit the bed officially, By the way, remember Tucker had more, after CNN shit the bed officially, Tucker had more Democrats watching him than CNN. Remember that stat? So shut the fuck up. So shut the fuck up.

In the second half of this show, folks, I'll be talking about Paul Stanley of KISS posted something on social media about transgender and what he feels about it. Looks like he knows something about it, I think, just from looking at him. That's a joke, everybody. I'm a KISS fan. You know that. And RFK Jr., he was on ABC and went after ABC after they edited what he actually said. So stay tuned for that, could you please? It's exclusively on Mug Club.

So join now to get that at NickDepaloShow.com. Could you? And would you? Sure you will. Cocaina. Anyways, Roy Wood Jr. claimed Carlson shattered the asshole ceiling with his departure from Fox News. I think that we should give credit where credit is

due. Tucker Carlson is the first host to get fired from Fox News for something that's only partially about how he treats women. That's progress. Oh, that's so funny. What gay left-wing jerk-off wrote that? He shattered the asshole ceiling, Wood Jr. said. P.U. Yeah, they should be ashamed. First of all, I was, Tucker Carlson, I've been a huge fan of. I think, again, the first 20 minutes of his show is like the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. It's the best on TV. I mean, Dems' libs tune into it, too, because he's right on the fucking money.

Okay? Okay. So, and secondly, the fact that he dropped a C-bomb, I'll get into that right now, and apparently talks like that makes me love him even more. Why, Nick? You like that word? I love that word. I call my sister that and you can fucking verify this, fourth or fifth grade. Oh, did I take a spanking? Yep. I used to hang out with kids way older than me, I told you that. Anyways, so again, Roy Wood, nothing personal, but... Hey, where are the white women at? I already told you.

They're at Terrell Sugg's house. He's my favorite go-to black guy with a scary face and a giant hawk. Let's stay on Tucker. Tucker and the C-word. Tucker Carlson feuded with Fox News executives before he was ousted. The Wall Street Journal reported this. This included calling one senior executive. I wonder if it's that Grossberg woman or the one that ratted him out. He called one senior executive the C-word. I don't know what C is.

What is that, China? I don't know what that is. Cute? A crabby? C-word sources told the Journal. You know what he said. You can hear me saying it any time. She's a malignant cunt.

No! Take it easy. Not for nothing, T. Fox did not give an explanation when it announced Carlson's abrupt departure on Monday. Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson infuriated network executives before this, his ousting on Monday,

according to a new report from the Wall Street Journal, precipitating his exit. Fox News announced on Monday that Carlson had been dropped from the network where he was its most watched primetime host. Not just theirs, dinkweed. See how they... The decision to part company came less than a week after Fox settled a legal battle with Dominion Voting Systems, which had accused it of spreading false information about the 2020 presidential election. According to sources, Fox's lawyers told Carlson weeks before his firing that they'd managed to get a court to redact information about him calling a senior executive the C-word from legal filings that were part of the network's battle with Dominion. Now here's where he becomes my idol,

and he should be doing stand-up with this kind of one. But the sources said that Tucker Carlson was unhappy and that he wanted his feelings about the executive made public. I'd blow this guy. Because that's what real men do in the era of cancel culture. Yeah, I said it. He also knows that he's got the world at his feet. Newsmax already offered him basically ownership of the network.

They said he could program the whole network. Okay, folks. So what do you think? He's got options up the ass. I said to Dallas before the show, imagine if he went into radio. Rush Limbaugh was only about a billionaire when he died. I mean, that whole Rush Limbaugh crowd would go to Tucker. Carlson criticizing management in private texts revealed as part

of the legal battle were a major factor in his firing. The sources said, oh, who fucking believes you? Fox ultimately agreed to pay Dominion $787.5 million. That sounds like a lot to you folks, but Fox, that's like dropping a 20 on the sidewalk. Carlson was also angry that the company did not do more to protect him from negative media stories about the case. Yeah, they didn't. This guy was the closest thing to the truth. So I'm going to Newsmax. I don't know about you folks. I've had enough. I'll watch my boy Gutfeld because he doesn't sugarcoat it, you know. And he complained to Fox executives about press coverage, according to Joe. Carlson also had to be given an intermediary between himself and Fox's communications department as the relationship got that bad.

And you know what? I can relate to that. I had a little thing similar to that at a TV slash radio show I once worked at. We need some people between him and middle management. Catch me going, yeah, fuck you. Sources also told the journal that some Fox executives were worried that Carlson had begun to view himself as bigger than the network. He was.

Kind of was, although, you know, look, I'll say this again. If I started a show tomorrow, I'd be third in the ratings a second. It's just a juggernaut. I'm sorry. It's a fucking juggernaut. And that's no disrespect to anybody who has a show. I'm just saying.

It's a good place to sell a book. Or to fucking sell you my pillow. Anyways, and that he couldn't be properly managed. Good for him. Insider contact Fox News for comment. But guess what? They didn't get no response. I personally love the guy.

He was the best guy around. You're goddamn right. Anyway, for those of you on Mug Club, stick around for the second half of the show. Everyone else, go to nicktopalashow.com and join to get my full show and Crowder's full show and a lot more.

And while you're there, get tickets to see me live Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort, I think they call it, and a lot more. And while you're there, get tickets to see me live, Daytona Beach Oceanfront Resort, I think they call it, May 12th in Arlington, Virginia at the Draft House, July 14th and 15th. Look forward to seeing you there. guitar solo Outro Music