The Nick DiPaolo Show - Dem. Governors Drunk with Power | Nick Di Paolo Show #335

Episode Date: April 16, 2020

Biden sucking up to China. Man released from jail commits murder. Fauci says Tinder might be worth the risk. Thank you Ron S. from Albrightville, PA for your "Ask Nick!" question and for your continued support on Patreon! FREE! MONDAY - THURSDAY 5PM EST #Trump #MAGA #ABreathOfFreshAir

Hi guys, Tina Louise here. That's right, you remember me from McGilligan's Island. I look different now, I'm transitioning. Look, political correctness is trying to stifle guys like me. I explain to my friends, you know, I hear black and brown comedians and women complaining about political correctness. I go, what are you talking about? It was invented to protect you. It's to shut people up like me, straight white male Christians. up like me, straight white male Christians. And I've had enough, especially as a comedian. I get, you know, I get blackballed on fucking Twitter. They shadow ban me. Google will take down certain shows. You know the story. That's why we created this show right here. The Nick DiPaolo podcast, Monday through Friday, fucking Jeep is crow. Monday through Friday. Oh, fucking jeep is crow. Monday through Thursday. And we just went free, meaning we're trying to grow the show.

And the only way you can do it is with your support with daily contributions at NickDip.com. You can also sign up at Patreon.com, become a monthly supporter. And if you do that, you're going to get an extra story every day. Nobody gets, you can ask me questions and you'll have access to over 300 shows that we've done previously. We can't thank you enough for your support. There's very few places we can talk like this.

And the truth is right wingers are funnier than anybody. Why? Because we have truth on our side. Two types of people in this world, politically correct people and people who are for the truth. So let's have a sense of humor about it. And we can only do this show with your help. So I can't thank you enough.

Now, I want you all to enjoy the show. So enjoy. I like games, yeah, uh-huh I like games, yeah, uh-huh I like games, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like it, I like you, folks? Thursday, last day of the week for me anyways. Probably you guys too, because you're sitting at home. Welcome to the Nick DiPaolo podcast. Thank you for being so loyal, folks. Itching to do stand-up. It's not going to be pretty when we get back. Listening to a few comics today saying, we're all going to suck.

And true dat. True dat, as they say. You know what I'm saying? Man, fuck you and your bone spurs. I didn't say nothing about no bone spurs. Motherfucker. Run through a motherfucker face. But now you're here with me for almost an hour or so.

Now you scared me. All right. Good to be with you. What is going on in the world? Oh, I don't know. I made pizza again last night. Sicilian style, a whole cookie sheet, left one slice. Raz, I'll be twice your fucking weight when this is over.

Quarantine. Somebody saved me from my own cooking skills. Anyways, what's going on? I'll tell you what's going on and as a theory out there i happen to believe it a little bit not sure it sounds like you know conspiracy i don't know who's behind this shit but it's been a total overreaction after watching the news and reading thousands of articles about this coronavirus, feels very globalist, feels very Chinese, sneaky, fucking working with globalists, whether it's the World Health Organization, whoever. There's a real, it's a real effort, as you notice, to curb civil liberties. Everybody was worried about it after 9-11.

This is way more obvious to me. They're coming up with apps now. Google is working with people to track your whereabouts under the guise of a Corona app that can tell you if you... It works like this. If you got the app,

if you have Corona, you put your information in, and then there's a receiving. They were a receiving person. They have their fucking app. And, you know, if they walk within a certain distance of a person with it, you're supposed to pick up their information. I don't know. It's all very Orwellian and creepy, not to mention in the governor's like fucking mental midget Murphy in New Jersey and Whitmer, we talked about. They're going way overboard with this shit.

You got Newsom, who's been pretty good up to this point, but he's letting illegal immigrants now. He's letting them get money, taxpayer money, for the coronavirus. So it's kind of fucking creepy. And I want to see how many of us civil rights are left when all of this is over it's the same people though

the damn governors they all have erections they're loving this bossing you around telling you to stay in the fucking house arresting people going to church the Scott Murphy guy in New Jersey arrested a guy sitting in a lake by himself in a boat I mean what the fuck okay

let's take our chances all people buckle up put on your mask by himself in a boat. I mean, what the fuck? Okay? Let's take our chances. All people, buckle up. Put on your mask. People are getting antsy. And everybody's had a... But let's lead it off with Murphy, this guy. New Jersey, I love you as a state. You're great fans of mine.

You welcome me with open arms when I move down from Boston. You buy my stuff. You come out when I play Jersey. It's always full. fans of mine you welcome me with open arms and i move down from boston you buy my stuff you come out when i play jersey it's always full um again those are my fans so i can't really blame you but who are the idiots that keep voting in liberal after liberal and then you'll throw a republican every once in a while who could only be considered a republican in new jersey but this guy takes a this fucking murphy have you seen him he He was on with Tucker Carlson last night.

Tucker was asking about, you know, civil liberties versus, you know, protecting the people's health but not going overboard. Listen to how ignorant. Listen to how ignorant he is about the Constitution, the Bill of Rights. This was, like, shocking. Even I sat up and i had three slices of cheats a pizza cheats a pizza cheats is a new thing taco bell's coming out this staling italian idea cheats out can i the cheats on those uh watch this by what authority did you nullify the bill of rights in issuing this order how do you have the power to do

that that's above my pay grade tucker so i wasn't uh i wasn't thinking of the bill of rights when we did this do you hear what he said it's above my pay grade he's a governor but the bill of rights is above his pay grade he said we we weren't thinking about the bill of rights. Now either he's unbelievably, uh, willfully ignorant or, uh, how do you explain a politician saying that? Oh, fuck the people's rights.

Un-fucking-believable. Who the fuck said that? Uh, Mr. Murphy, the governor of New Jersey. Who's the sign of that cop of a shit twinkle toad cocksucker down here? Who just signed his own death warrant? What about the Bill of Rights?

Yeah, you should own. New Jersey, what are you doing? What are you doing? Un-fucking-believable. That's above my pay grade. Admitting that he knows nothing about the Bill of Rights? He's a fucking governor of a state. Or he just doesn't give a shit.

This is what the colleges are churning out year after year for the last 40 years. This country won't exist in another few years. A couple more generations of these shitheads. New Jersey, wake up. You're a great fucking state. And, you know, what are you doing that's about my pay grade i don't really give a fuck about the rights of the people i uh i'm drunk with power just like whitmer um let's go to whitmer because we talked about it yesterday she's the new broad in town who's the governor of the state of Michigan

and people in Michigan have had enough she's another one arresting people left and right fucking telling you you can't go to your relatives house even in your house she's telling you how many people you can have fucking clueless and people

are really getting fucking pissed out there. I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore! We touched on it yesterday. Thousands of protesters on foot and in vehicles converge Wednesday on Michigan's Capitol to rally against Governor Gretchen

Whitmer's stay-at-home orders. Operation Gridlock. Hmm. Some Nugent fans. You know what? They should be there. Operation, fuck, it's only white guys with a head screwed on straight

who fucking understand what's going on. Operation, that's not true. Operation Gridlock, organized by Michigan Conservative Coalition, created a huge bumper-to-bumper traffic jam around the Michigan Capitol building in Lansing yesterday. Michonne Maddock. That ain't no white fella. Michonne, another French black fella or girl.

I don't know. Michonne Maddock, an organizer of the group, said the demonstrators include Republicans. Get this and Democrats and independents. everybody is sick of this overreach the protests has uh have been expected to start around noon but a line of vehicles stretching for miles began early in the morning operation gridlock was just one of many demonstrations planned across the country to push back on these fucking drunk with power governors on the stay-at-home orders calling on state governments to focus on the economic toll of the coronavirus pandemic has caused along with uh taking care of the sick i don't even know what that sentence means the health care system is basically shut down she said i guess that's my mishon uh people with

issues are having trouble seeing a doctor because everyone is focused on the virus me too my teeth my teeth the rotten out of my head with my cigarettes and my smoking i what is i i'm one of these jerk offs who goes to dentists twice a year which is really a rip off and overkill um but uh i moved down here i got insurance but you have to be a resident of the state before it kicks in that was six months months or whatever. No? Oh, they were saying no. I was giving a big smile. No, look at these chubs. Anyways, then corona comes along and whatever the fuck else. So it's been about two years.

I can't wait till they clean these teeth. Somebody wrote in, a fan of the show who's a dentist. And he lives right in Savannah from Syracuse. Wait till he, I'm calling him today. Wait till he pulls a fucking whole fucking roast beef sub out of my molars. It's been a while. My husband and I are checking in on my in-laws,

but even doing that is now breaking the law. That's one of the people, no, it was Matic. Trump has created a White House task force charged with trying to find ways to reopen the economy. He has suggested a May 1 deadline. But some governors have said that timetable is too soon because we're enjoying bossing people around, telling them what to do, because we're much more enlightened than working class assholes. That's their mentality. Don't let them kid you.

There are more than 25,000 cases in Michigan. Sixteen hundred have died from the virus. Whitmer. We have a picture of that big titted dummy. Oh, this is somebody gets it. Whitmer, who acknowledged that people in Michigan are under pressure by the orders she signed last week, to stay-at-home orders to being snowed in like the little kids. She said, so we just had snow. I got snow on the ground here in Michigan. I got snow on the ground of my big fake tits. And we're expecting up to 30 inches of snow in the upper peninsula. The fact that we're cracking down on people traveling between homes or planting or landscaping or golfing, really, for a couple more weeks is not going to meaningfully impact people's ability to do so because the snow will do that itself.

That's the best you can come up with. Well, I don't want to break up the meeting or nothing, but she's something of a cunt, ain't she, Doc? How do you mean that? She's drunk with power. Ask what factors she is looking at to determine whether it's safe to return to work whitmer said more more testing capability which we know is not going to happen for a while they're pushing the test out as fast as they can some governors including cuomo and new york have joined regional task forces to decide what to have their state ease restrictions and reopen

their economies. I think they're doing that just to go, hey, look, we're trying to balance both. But I don't think they're right in the Northeast, really. It's so densely populated. And they have to be careful. But let's not start, I mean, busting up church gatherings, telling people how many people you can have in your home. That wasn't the intent of this quarantine thing. And like somebody said, you know, quarantine the sick people. There's some really smart doctor, Epstein, I think his name was. And he said everybody should, like Germany tested everybody, right?

I don't know how you do that in a country this big, but test everybody in the states that you live in and the ones that are sick are the ones you tell to stay home let the rest of us get on with our lives luckily my job includes a camera my producer and me I don't talk to anybody I don't see nobody no more I know don't know about you, but I'm loving it. Isolation is my fucking game. Nick, lay on the fucking couch and don't leave the house and watch Netflix and bake pies like a big girl. Okay. Anyways, these governors, and it's the Democrat ones, you know.

The red states are getting itchy. Even the governor of Texas, Abbott, he's ready to break loose. He's ready to cut loose. Again, I'm saying that as a healthy, well, I was going to say young. I'm not fucking young anymore. Jesus Christ. I look like I'm working for Pablo. I look like I'm working for Pablo. I have coffee and milk crema y azúcar.

That's my Spanish. I could do some blow right now. Before we get back to this, Joe Biden came out of his fucking mouse hole. Somebody put a nice mashup or a montage, whatever you want to call it, of, do you believe he's still, do you believe he's still the placeholder? He's not going to be the nominee, folks. Look me in the fucking eyes.

He's not going to be the nominee. Do you understand when he pops out of his rat hole once every two weeks, he can't get out a 30 second statement without fucking it up. So do you really think he can be get out a 30 second statement without fucking it up. So do you really think he can be on camera every day? You know, Trump hogs the fucking camera. Trump will talk to a homeless guy on the way to the helicopter. Fucking guy can't get enough of camera work.

And I wish he'd stop because he's he's terrible in those briefings. He's just, his sales when you're on camera for two hours, he talks himself into circles. He lets them get his dander up and just go out there for 15, 20 minutes and leave it to the rest of the guys. But here's a reminder of the Democratic,

possible Democratic nominee. He's still the front runner right now. Just to remind y'all. Here we still the front runner right now. Just to remind you. Here we go. This is a crisis. This is no time for Donald Trump's record of hysterical xenophobia. Biden's son inked a billion dollar deal with a subsidiary of the Bank of China. China is going to eat our lunch?

Come on, man. They're not bad folks, folks. Since the outbreak, the Communist Party has been mobilizing overseas organizations to buy local supplies and send them to China. It is in our self-interest that China continue to prosper. The beautiful history we wrote together.

Banning all travel will not stop it. The president is right. The travel restriction on China, as every public health official we've talked to said, bought the country time. That was a very smart move. Okay, Joe. Xenophobia. Dear my Xenophobia. There you go. I complimented him on dealing with China.

What are we doing? I'm not going nuts. What's going on right now? I'm not going nuts. You know you're a fucking mumbling, stuttering little fuck. You know that? What a jerk off. Call the president racist for shutting those flights down. Right there, he's not qualified to run the country.

Just on that alone. Because even people who don't like Trump said, yeah, it saved thousands of lives. But once again, the Dems, that's racist, that's xenophobic. Nancy Pelosi was in Chinatown in late February saying we should have a parade here. This is, remember, you fucking people, you're blinded. You have a blind spot when it comes to race

and it retards everything out of your mouth. And Biden, not to mention, you know, his son in the ukraine sitting on a gas company making billions making millions from china too i mean come on for the love of christ who else could we throw up there how about ralph nader is he still kicking around remember him yes speaking of china uh i have a patreon quest what raz yesterday you did it with a minute left in a show now we're four minutes in fucking pick a spot will you go ahead go ahead oh i see what you're doing because it involves china

all right i'm a little jumpy today sorry get me out of the fucking house. Somebody. Is there a massage parlor with a dirty little Asian girl? Give me a quick hug. There's a website for that. There's a website. Raz knows.

He's married. He's got a fucking list of them. Ron S., Albrightville, Pennsylvania. Nick, do you know if it is true that the scumbag Chi Coms, Nick, do you know if it is true that the scumbag Chai Kams, that's Rush Limbaugh's phrase for the Chinese communists, delayed announcing, it's really Chai Kams, but delayed announcing info about the CCP virus to give their operatives in the U.S. and elsewhere time to buy up medical supplies,

ship back to China. Who am I, Ted fucking Koppel? That in the U.S. and elsewhere time to buy up medical supplies, ship back to China. Who am I, Ted fucking Koppel? That's the theory out there. I mean, some people do believe that. You know, some real conservative Republican, Paul, I wouldn't put it past them. They're the slipperiest motherfuckers alive. It might go deeper than China. And why is the World Health Organization sucking their little Asian pee-pee

when they give a tenth of what we give to them? But that is the theory. I'm not counting it out. But they said yesterday all that shit we've been reading about dogs eating bat meal, they're saying it came from a fucking lab.

A woman that worked in the lab went home gave it to her husband whatever and that's how it got out and they're saying that the chinese are doing all that studying on on viruses coronaviruses you know antibodies they were trying to keep up with the united states because that's we lead in that field uh so there are there are theories like that i'm not going to rule it out they're the slipperiest motherfuckers and by the way the people the whistleblowers and the first woman the first lab person

that leaked it they can't find those people couple of journalists are missing so why wouldn't we believe that this is how I go through life I say everybody's a scumbag till you prove otherwise that's how people treated me. Good question, man. I'm not

rolling it out. But you know me. I'm just a hateful right winger. Conspiracy nut. Give me a break. I wouldn't trust these. I don't even buy their fireworks anymore. I'm telling you, I had a bottle rocket. The thing did a U-turn. It came right fucking up my head. When I was a kid, we were throwing fireworks. Whatever the fuck.

I had a cherry bomb in my hand. I lit it. My buddy throws something else at my feet. I start running, forgetting I got the cherry bomb in my hand. I lit it. My buddy throws something else at my feet. I start running, forgetting I got the cherry bomb in my hand. I go, huh? It's about this far from my... Boom! I had no feeling in these

fingers for about three weeks. If I was squeezing it, it probably would have taken one off. It was just about this far from my hand. It's like a scene out of fucking Platoon. I blame the Chinese. Georgia loves its

fireworks, don't they, Rez? Jesus Christ. The signs on the highway. I'm watching that Ozarks thing on Netflix now. Again, great story. Once again, the Hollywood liberal bullshit ruins it. This is why I don't watch this shit anymore.

You know what I mean? I watch Narcos because it was based on real facts, and they didn't, you know. This show, Justin Bateman's great. Is that his name? No, not Justin. Justine Bateman was the girl. Who's the?

Jason. Jason Bateman. Thank you, Rez. Great actor, family. Once again, the 18-eman. Thank you, Rez. Great actor. Family. Once again, the 18-year-old daughter, 17-year-old daughter. She's the smartest one. You know, real smart mouth on her.

Just shitting on her. It's the same shit. There's a white federal cop. He's got a black boyfriend cop. They show him getting blown. Yeah. Because that's necessary. And here's where I fucking lose my mind. i'm enjoying the plot and the writing and shit but uh and then there's a little hillbilly

ozark girl she's like 16 17 of course precocious beyond you fucking women in hollywood are ruining these people don't exist and boy they don't have a they don't have trouble painting white hillbillies as white hillbillies and shit you do that with the mexicans or blacks or fucking oh my god that's not how we real they have no problem doing it with white they fucking relish it i'm not saying those people don't exist but every character in this thing is who do you know oh my poor wife's trying to watch it, and I'm going, this is fucking horseshit! Turning into Arthur Spooner on King of Queens.

This is bullshit! But even my wife agrees. She goes, a girl would never talk like that. They go into these two-minute monologues where they lecture their parents and shit. You know what I mean? Nobody talks like that. It's too bad, because I can see it's going to be a good story, but I can't get past that.

I can't suspend my disbelief. Speaking of Georgia, this one cracked me up. This is the headline book. Georgia suspends Ku Klux Klan mask law during coronavirus pandemic. They still have that on the books? Coronavirus has forced Georgia to revisit a 70-year-old law targeting the Ku Klux Klan. Governor Brian Kemp signed an executive order temporarily suspending 1951 legislation creating a misdemeanor offense for people who conceal their identities while on public property. Didn't that affect Halloween?

You know, a law passed to combat Klansmen. It's fucking Georgia. White power, one, two, three, four! That'll probably get flagged. That's meth music. Ever hear of Maybach music? Maybach music. That's meth music, bitch. The order as written legalized wearing a mask, hood, or device by which any portion of the face is so hidden,

concealed, or covered as to conceal the identity of the wearer if that person is wearing such device for the purpose of complying with the guidance of any health care agency or to prevent the spread of COVID-19. So they're exempt. So the Klansmen probably they get their irons out right now. All two of them. Kemp, a Republican, had support from across the aisle as the number of coronavirus cases in the state continue to grow.orgia has documented more than 14,900 confirmed cases i didn't realize it was up to that much along with more than uh 550 deaths jesus really just uh so you can slap a mask on folks uh go to that meeting tonight at the church up there who the fuck are you are you writing a book who the fuck are you? Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you? Yeah, take off your mask. I'll tell

you. People are using whatever they have at home. Bandanas, scarves to put across their faces. I don't want that to be misconstrued. You know who said that? State Senator Nakima Williams, Democrat. I'm guessing black. Fucking Nakima.

You guys. It's the word Nike with ma on the end of it what's the middle name just do it one word nikima williams uh listen listen to why nikima williams is for it a whole different reason than why i don't want anyone to put their health and safety on the line from wearing a mask because they don't want to be profiled at a grocery store. Or they're picking up medicine at a pharmacy. You know, fucking black family goes to the pharmacy and they all wear red bandanas. People are going to get nervous.

That's what Nakima Williams is saying. And whose fault is that what the fuck are you what the fuck are you take off your mask

before I give you the fucking huh this guy would be safe that guy would be yeah this guy would be I don't even trust

this guy myself that's you know, vdonaldstuff.com. That commercial's coming up soon. They're making some funny stuff, folks. Let me tell you something. Uh-oh. Yeah, I get a workout today.

Looking heavy. I don't know. You think fucking six slices? And they were squares about the size of this iPad, each one of them. I couldn't know. You think fucking six slices and they were squares about about the size of his iPad, each one of them. I couldn't even breathe when I went to bed, laying there with my gut hanging out like raging bull. Remember when he was in the prison? Somebody saved me.

Let's get back to the power hungry governors. And as you know, Trump and Governor Newsom have been very cordial to each other. Governor Newsom is, you know, California left wing. Used to be married to what's her name on Fox? Kimberly Guilfoyle. And he's a real lefty. Of course he is. And he proved it with this. Here's the headline, and then I'm going to read what it should have read. The headline says, California to give cash payments to immigrants hurt by virus. They forgot to put the word illegal immigrants in there, or they intentionally didn't put it in there. Excuse me, pizza.

California will be the first state to give cash to immigrants living in the country illegally who are hurt by the coronavirus. Offering $500 a piece, which is going to go to what? Cocaine and refried beans. What? You can't sell me. 500 bucks a piece to 150 000 adults who are left out of the 2.2 trillion dollar stimulus package approved by congress that that's taxpayer money you guys and it's going to people who snuck in the country and i'll never agree with that i think your brain is going soft many americans began receiving 1200 checks from the federal government this week and others who are unemployed are getting an additional 600 clams a week from the government

that has ordered them to stay home and disrupt what had been a roaring economy. But people living in the country illegally are not eligible for any of that money, which they fucking shouldn't be. And advocates have been pushing for states to fill in the gap. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Why should my taxpayer money or California? You you live in california you're a taxpayer you work hard you pay your taxes you get up you go to work well these people pay their taxes to but the first thing they did when they got here was break united states laws i don't give a shit gavin Gavin Newsom yesterday announced he'd spent 75 million of taxpayer money to create a disaster relief fund for immigrants living in the country illegally.

Does anybody get it? We feel a deep sense of gratitude for people that are in fear of deportation. We don't. That are still addressing essential needs of tens of millions of Californians, you know, blowing leaves, cleaning your pool, hotel rooms, who noted 10% of the state. See, when my grandparents came over, they cleaned, too. They fucking, my grandmother cleaned dorm rooms, hotel rooms, and shit. You know what?

Didn't get any money. There were no safety nets. And she did it legally. She threw up on a boat for three weeks. There's the big difference. He noted 10% of the state's workforce are immigrants living in the country who paid more than $2.5 billion in state and local taxes last year. Yeah, and how much did they take out? Because of, you know,

what do you call it? What do you call the safety nets? Senate Republican leader Shannon Grove said Newsom should spend the money. Hey, Shannon finally has a brain. The money instead, he should be spending it on food banks, equipment for students to continue their education.

You know, American citizens first. What a wild concept. Education online, local government struggling with revenue losses. That's where that money should be going. Instead of meeting these urgent needs, Governor Newsom has chosen to irresponsibly pursue a left-wing path and unilaterally secure $125 million for undocumented immigrants, said Grob, who represents Bakersfield. California has an estimated 2.2 million immigrants living in the country illegally. The most of any state. State officials won't decide who gets the money.

Instead, the state will give the money to a network of regional nonprofits to find and vet potential recipients. Oh, let's track that money advocates say uh that's key to making the plan work because immigrants are unlikely to contact the government for fear of deportation yeah exactly you need to use organizations that have trusted relationships with these families, said Jacqueline Martinez, CEO of the Latino Community Foundation. Don't say a fucking word to me. I'll get up and I'll bury this telephone in your head. Organizers began raising money on Friday

and have raised more than $6 million so far with contributions from the Emerson Collective, Blue Shield of California Foundation, California Endowment, the James Urban Foundation, the Chan Zuckerberg Initiative. Who the fuck's Chan Zuckerberg? What is that, fucking Zuckerberg's connection in Wuhan? Chan Zuckerberg Initiative, anyways, and an anonymous donor stone we want this to be as equitable as equitable

as possible and benefit as many people as possible uh darreny petsaw said that president of grant makers concerned with immigrants and refugees oh my aching stem enough already chan is the last name of his wife mark zuckerberg's wife is the last name yeah so mark zuckerberg's wife is priscilla no chan so it's you know it's a maiden name that's how you know she's a twat she keeps her maiden name asian woman yep is it mark zuckerberg Asian woman? Yep. Is it Mark Zuckerberg? Mark Zuckerberg, yeah. Facebook. Yep. That guy.

Yep. You know he's from Dobbs Ferry right in Westchester down the street from where I live? I'm going to visit his parents if they're still alive. Because you know your kid's really fucking up the world with that shit. He started it to get some pussy at Harvard. Look what it's turned into. Now he's got black kids bum-rushing foot lockers. Nick, that's racist.

Oh, shut the fuck up. California has been the most aggressive state in the nation when it comes to giving benefits to immigrants living in the country illegally. Last year, California became the first state to give taxpayer-funded health benefits to low-income adults, 25 and younger. They just love. Do you understand? That's what libs do.

Do you understand? They let you survive at subsistence level. They just give you enough. That way, see, you'll vote for them. They'll vote for him. This year, Newsom had proposed expanding those benefits to cover seniors 65 and older. Jesus Christ, this guy can't give enough of it away. What did I forget?

Anyhow, let's lighten it up. Illegals, though. You I just, illegals though. You're worrying about illegals. People here lately, you're putting them, you know, ahead of hardworking taxpayer. I'm sure there's 10 of them left in California. Anyways, Florida man released from jail because of coronavirus arrested on murder charges. Another lib policy.

Releasing people. Oh, we're just going to release the nonviolent ones, the ones in jail. Because they don't want it spreading. And again, they say, you know, it'll spread to the staff at the jails and prisons too. Tough shit. How about that? And if you're in jail, I don't care if you get sick. You got a toilet you share with 18 people right there at the county jail. You can throw up

in it together. So anyways, this guy in Florida, where else? Seven days later after he's released, Williams allegedly killed someone in Tampa. Williams was arrested April 13th. Ah, he seems like a, you can tell he wanted to go on the straight and narrow. You can tell. That's the face you want when you go into an interview, job interview. Ay, ay, ay. What, did he fall asleep in a newspaper? I can read the sports on his neck. You just look like a hateful prick. I got to be honest with you. He was arrested April 13th for second degree murder,

resisting an officer with violence as opposed to what, patty cake? Felon in possession of a firearm, possession of heroin, possession of drug paraphernalia. Judge set bail at a quarter million dollars. Yeah, what he did. There was no question Joseph Williams took advantage of this health emergency to commit crimes

while he was out of jail awaiting resolution of a low-level nonviolent offense. So he was in there on a nonviolent offense. And police said Williams has a long criminal history that includes felony burglary and drug convictions. Shouldn't that factor into who you let out to the histories? Maybe he's in there right now for shoplifting, but then you look and you see he's got all these other charges. Should you factor that in? Should you weigh that in before you let him? Somebody's missing a loved one tonight because scumbag. a loved one tonight, because scumbag.

Instead of releasing him on the streets, make a tent for him, intern him, just like we did with the Japanese. It worked beautifully. Police said Williams has a long criminal history

and he'll be drafted by the Buffalo Bills. Runs a 4-2-40, 71-inch vertical leap. And he beats his wife. All the criterias for a first-round draft pick. Whack, whack, whack. Long criminal history.

Includes burglary, drug convictions. You're a loser. You'll always be a loser. As of Tuesday, 35 inmates and 56 jail employees had tested positive for the coronavirus, according to the Florida Corrections. You know what would cheer this guy up right now? A nice T-shirt from the DonaldStuff.com collection. Check this out. Donaldstuff.com keeps putting out new shirts,

mugs each day, and they just sent this one over. Flatten the goddamn curve. Look. It's a nice ass on Pelosi. Look at Trump. He's going to give her a double hand. Look at Trump's face. Anyways, come on. who else is making this type of stuff you know who the donaldstuff.com

not only is this shirt under 20 bucks as you can tell with a new and improved tide ad price jesus christ blind people could see that uh not only is the shirt on the 20 bucks by one penny if you use the promo code uh nick you get 10 off they also have a bunch of uh nick dipolo show related items there's that shirt that um and and there's the mug i have coffee every morning and then i stare at myself and go you should have went that way. You look good in blue. It's a nice hat on you. Anyway, lots of great stuff on the Donald stuff dot com.

Go there. Check out all the gear. Don't forget to use the promo code Nick. And we thank the Donald stuff dot com for sponsoring our show. There are some good governors, folks, not in this country. Well, no. There are some good ones in this country, but I think I found my favorite governor on the planet. You know who that be? I'll tell you who. The governor of Nairobi. I have a timeshare there with Rez. The governor of Nairobi, Kenya, Nairobi in Kenya, was blasted on social media after announcing his plans. Get this, folks. Get this.

To include small bottles of Hennessy in food bags being distributed to the city's poor families. There's something wrong with the black man. being distributed to the city's poor families. I'm black, y'all, and I'm black, y'all, and I'm blacker than black. There's something wrong with the black man's mind. Bullshit. I like him on this one. Got to relieve the tension. Does he look like a governor?

Does he look like a governor? Doesn't look like a governor. He looks like a fucking bouncer at fucking Tupac's Club or some shit. I'm sure he had one time. He looks like every comedian I work with. Anyways, that's the governor of Nairobi. You see he's dressed up for the press conference. He's got a redneck coat on.

He's very confused governor mike asanko presented the plans during a tuesday immediate briefing let's i love the accent now let's check out what he had to say to his people giving some small bottles of hennessy in the the food, the package which we give to our people. I think from the research which has been conducted by the World Health Organization, it has been revealed that alcohol plays a very major role in killing the coronavirus or any sort of virus. If you see, you take any sanitizer and you check the alcoholic content, you'll find out. Hand sanitizer.

Look, Raz, it's cranberry ocean spray. Great plug for ocean spray. look he's dressed like a nascar driver and a welder he's got sunglasses under the fucking mask hey where are the white women at god bless them that's so funny because i heard cat williams on the way home from here yesterday talking about hennessy and that's how black people that club their favorite drink. He's like white people don't have no favorite drink. When they're leaving the house they just say we're going to get fucked up. He goes I was drinking Zambuki with these white motherfuckers.

Zambuki. He goes it's alcohol and fucking coffee mixed together. I drank a ton of that shit. I got home, it's coffee and alcohol. I couldn't pass out. Ain't no nigga should be drinking Zambuki. He fucking makes me laugh as hard as anybody, man. I got a feeling he's never written a joke.

He just walks on with that mic and goes, fucking cracks me up. Anyways, even the people in Nairobi were busting his balls online. Commenters were quick to blast the governor for his irresponsible statement. Is he serious? I can't believe it.

I still have to replay the video for the 10th time. Did he say Hennessy kills COVID if you drink it? Dr. Gimtji Gitae, global CEO of MREF Health Africa, condemned Sonko in a tweet. He said, please completely ignore clowning of a major global pandemic, taking lives and putting extreme pressure on households. You wrote, dump this the way you dump your used COVID-19 mask. Never to be recovered. He says, Kenyan needs to condemn this as this is not an ordinary citizen.

No, it's your governor. I like him better than the guy from frigging New Jersey. It's just locking people up willy nilly. This guy's giving you a little fucking Hennessy ain't gonna hurt nobody. The World Health Organization has said that drinking alcohol does not protect against the coronavirus.

Oh, is that what they said? They also said China did a great job of keeping this contained. So suck my alcohol drinking lips. And that frequent or excessive alcohol can use, can even increase the risk of health. Shut up. They're always scaring people. When it comes to hand hygiene, the CDC recommends alcohol-based sanitizer with a greater than 60% ethanol.

What am I supposed to go to a Sunoco station and just pour it all over my fucking hand that's ethanol or 70 isopropanol uh in health care settings but the cognac that governor sonko is referencing to has only 40 alcohol somebody tweeted so even if you were to use it as a hand sanitizer wouldn't be strong enough so drink the shit don't be pouring it on your hands sonko has previously get this now he's a governor sonko has previously been accused of drug trafficking money laundering which he denies no he didn't admit to it prison authorities also claim that he escaped from a maximum facility prison 20 years ago this is who they vote governor. Little looser over there, ain't they? Hey, where are the white women at?

I don't know. I don't know, my friend. I don't know where the white women at. I don't know. I watch women jogging by my house pushing strollers with like two babies in it and shit. God bless them. I would never do that unbelievable and then there's an old there's an old black gentleman that jogs by i haven't seen him again this week he is he has to be 65 i'm not shitting you he's built like a brick shithouse and when he goes by by the time he gets to my house, he must have been running for two hours. He is soaked every morning.

I mean, he's got to be 60-something. Maybe. I mean, black don't crack, but he's got a white beard, white hair, but he's built like Ricky. He looks like Ricky Henderson, and he's fucking just chugging along. I mean, he's always soaked. I'm sitting there going, hey, what's up?

Another couple miles, man. You got it. Anybody know who artist David Hockney is? The first time I heard him referenced was on The Sopranos when Tony was banging his hot Russian girlfriend

in some motel room. And there was a cheesy painting on the wall of two like umbrella chairs with nobody in them. And he said, well, who's that? She goes, it's David Hockney. And that's what he does. He's known for painting LA swimming pools or some shit. Why am I bringing, look, it looks like FDR

giving a fireside chat. Why is that such a great painting? He took one and he brought it to Kinko's. Made a couple copies. What the fuck? Anyways, what did he say? Why is he in the news? He says, science BD.

He says, artist David Hockney says smokers are immune to coronavirus. Look at that. Who's dressing him? He's in a field of poppies. But I heard this. Remember I told you I'm watching Tucker Carlson in the night and he said they were examining all the people that have died and apparently they're out there. It's not affecting smokers as bad as other people. It came out of his mouth. I believe most of what he says. Famous for his paintings of California pools, the 82-year-old's 1972 work, Portrait of an Artist, Pool with Two Figures, it says. You know what, Raz?

It cleared $90.3 million at auction in 2018, making it the most expensive painting by a living artist ever sold. But now he's british the brit is making a more bizarre splash by claiming that lighting up actually protects against the corona fire god bless him god even if he's wrong god smokers have developed an immune system to this virus harkney writes from his home in normandy france where you know why he moved there? Because France's tolerance for cigarettes. That's why the lifelong, when you move your house because of the smoking laws, you're a serious smoker. The lifelong puffer points to research in China that found disproportionately fewer smokers in the hospital battling COVID-19 compared to the number of

smokers in the general populace. Although then they have to come in, right? The anti-disease. Although other studies have found the opposite is true. I'm going with David Hockney. You know why? Because he's 80 fucking something years old. He's been smoking for 60 years. It all has to do with genetics.

It might get me tomorrow and it might not. I'm willing to take a chance. It's either that or the fucking heart-stopping lard i use in my pie crust he says hawkney says i'm serious hawking rights with all these figures coming out it's beginning to look like that to me alas the cigarette sucker is is lonely in his outlook in fact experts oh here we go experts one that even occasional puffs can compromise the respiratory system or worsen symptoms of the covid yes and i know the experts also said uh that the chinese handled it the world health organization said the chinese handled it perfectly and we still don't know about this

shit there's still that we still don't know so you know what experts blow me i'm going with the artist david huckney guy sits home smoking chain smoking while he's painting lawn chairs because it attacks the lungs the coronavirus that causes covid19 could be an especially serious threat to those who smoke tobacco or marijuana or who vape. Yeah, yeah. Okay, mama. Thank you, mommy, says the National Institute on Drug Abuse in a recent announcement. And to you, I say, leave us alone.

Thank you. I like how he ended the article. He says, I've smoked for more than 60 years but i think i'm quite healthy he says how much longer do i have i'm gonna die of either smoking related illness or non-smoking related illness try arguing with that logic so there's an old guy who knows what he's talking about hey you know what dr fauci he had the world laughing a little bit yesterday shows he's got a. Hey, you know what? Dr. Fauci, he had the world laughing a little bit yesterday.

Shows he's got a sense of humor. But Dr. Fauci endorses Tinder hookups if you're willing to take the risk. Ah, the love doctor. It's a face I make. No, for nothing, T. I banged the shit out of her. Fauci. Look at him.

That guy's 79 years old. That's incredible. Yeah, guinea don't crack either we get a little bit of black in us thank you government coronavirus expert anthony falchi says the heart sick isolationist can hook up with asymptomatic tinder matches in real life but like love it involves some risk the 79 year old immunologist dropped the unorthodox dating tip in a Tuesday interview. Toward the end of the tape segment, Fauci was asked, if you're swiping on a dating app like Tinder or Bumble or Grindr, and you match with someone that you think is hot,

and you're just kind of like, maybe it's fine if this one stranger comes over, what do you say to that person? What do you say to that person? And he says, That's a sick question. You're a sick fuck, and I'm not that sick that I'm going to answer it. Oh, my God. He said, you know, that's a tough one, he replied.

The befuddled National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease director threw a curveball. He says, because that's what we call relative risk. Then he dropped the bombshell. If you're willing to take a risk and you know, everybody has their own tolerance for risk. You could figure out if you want to meet somebody said Fauci, who was named a candidate for people magazine, sexiest man alive award.

I guess sex is a whole different thing to women. They find sexy. Sure. He's saving millions of people, but how about just a dick joke specialist at midnight buy a drink after uh he added uh if you want to go a little bit more intimate well then that's your choice regarding risk he said christy get down on your knees so sabrina can see your. Then he threw that in. But don't invite, here's where he says,

but don't invite every one of your Tinder matches over for a Caligula-esque orgy just yet. The unlikely date doctor subsequently pointed out that the one thing you don't want to do is base your decision on whether that person is feeling well. If people only transmitted when they felt sick, that would be much easier, he said. But what we're seeing, which becomes really problematic, is that there's a considerable amount of transmission from asymptomatic people. Many thrill-seeking New Yorkers are foregoing dating apps and going straight to Craigslist to find partners with whom they can literally go out with a bang.

Really? partners with whom they can literally go out with a bang. Really? And also a Randy couple in London through caution and droplets into the wind when they broke quarantine last week to hook up in a public park. Fucking England. Oh yeah. Yeah. I want to thank you guys.

A one-time contributors. As you know, you can go to Nick dip.com. We rely on your contributions now. And I want to thank these people who contributed since yesterday. Nathan Caputo, Massachusetts. Stephen Loomis, Texas. Anthony Wilgenbush, Indiana.

Wilgenbush. I was looking for a joke there, but I guess not. Indiana. Miso Harney, Pennsylvania. Stephan Federico, New York, Julie Perkins, Indiana, Richard Grybos, Wisconsin, and Jim McEntee, New Zealand, Robert Dean, Florida, Francis Navin, Pennsylvania, Campbell McDonald, the United Kingdom, Ruth Cult, Illinois. And as far far as patreon a monthly subscriber jeff donald signed up yesterday thank you guys we can't thank you enough again you can do a one you know you can contribute at

nickdip.com you can sign up at patreon.com become a monthly member get an extra story that nobody else gets you can ask me a question access to old shows uh and if you're a company out there and you want to be a sponsor of the show again nickdip.com i believe it's a place to go uh let's do a couple quickies all of a sudden it's getting pretty uh you know people get a little cabin fever a little itchy starting to get a little nutty well it's getting nutty out there nick what do you mean by that well i'll tell you brooklyn man allegedly disemboweled the dad cut off body parts what the hell's going on out here yeah following the gory murder uh first of all brooklyn man holed up in the house with his father during the coronavirus outbreak was arrested wednesday for allegedly knifing and badly mutilating his dad, including

by disemboweling him. Following the gory murder, Khalid Ahmad, 26, left his family's Diker Heights home, drenched in blood, went to a nearby bagel shop around 4.30 a.m. where he confessed to police officers. I killed my father, he told them. The cops cuffed him. Went to the Tidy Two Family Brick Home on 84th Street near 14th Ave. Where they found 57-year-old Imad Ahmad dead with multiple stab wounds. The body of the father was badly mutilated. dead with multiple stab wounds.

The body of the father was badly mutilated. Ahmad had allegedly cut off his father's arms and part of his head, in addition to gutting him, he had placed some of the body parts near the rest of the corpse. Yay for diversity. Yes, I know. Everybody does it. I'm just saying. Brooklyn. Some stories pop out of there. He told officers

that he and his dad had been trying to stay home during the pandemic cops found the large kiffin a kitchen knife inside the house a female relative who answered the phone at the house on wednesday evening um said this she said she had no comment before adding, this is heartbreaking. A mob was charged with murder and criminal possession of a weapon. Police didn't say what triggered the attack. I'm guessing they were fucking fighting over the Game Boy or some shit like that. I don't know.

Durka Durka. Muhammad Jihad. Haka Sherpa Sherpa. A bacala. I love a bacala. That is it. I love a bacala. That is it. I've hit the end. Ladies and gentlemen,

I want to thank you once again. I know things are tough out there, job-wise, money-wise, but you need a respite from all this tension, and it's a weird time of going through. What better way to do it than get a Nick DiPaolo podcast? We'll give you at least an hour a day to take your mind off this horseshit if you're trapped uh at home and uh we thank you so much uh and if you're watching on

youtube do us a favor hit that little bell thing to subscribe all right don't forget cameo.com uh if you want me to send a personal video message to one of your friends roasting them or say happy birthday to Nana or to Pop Pop or to Uncle Tom. You know, all those phrases that the guy got in trouble for. Cameo dot com. Go to the profile and I'll make a bid. Send it to him. That is it. Remember, you guys think it. I will say it. You're very welcome. Have a great weekend. Stay safe. We'll see you back here on Monday. Take care. guitar solo I'm out.