The Nick DiPaolo Show - Democracy Survives Despite Midterms| Nick Di Paolo Show #1304

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

Desantis Smokes FLA. JD Vance Wins Ohio. NY Loves Rape and Murder. Kemp Wins GA. Queef Queen.

Hey guys, my Tampa show is sold out this Sunday. Thank you guys so much. If you're on that side of Florida, grab tickets to see me. I'll be home. Good night. Who am I, Fetterman? If you're on that side of Florida, grab tickets to see me Saturday in Fort Myers, where I'll still be doing comedy because there's a few tickets available at Snappers. I've also added a weekend in St. Louis and will announce that date later on in today's show. Now let's get on with the motherluck. guitar solo Hi. How are you? Good to be with you.

What are you doing, boy? Squeal like a pig for me. Still nothing, huh? Huh? Still nothing, boy? Squeal like a pig for me. Still nothing, huh? Huh? Still nothing, huh? Yeah, I sat in the chair yesterday, and the guy's like, it's probably going to keep happening.

I felt like saying, why didn't you say that before you fucked with it three months ago, you motherless tit fucker, you? Actually, good guy. Anyhow, so I have a, yeah, I got a choice. It's like you can get a bridge and I'm like no That's old school When you get a bridge they have to fuck up a perfectly good tooth next to it, right? Huh? What do you mean? No I'd never do that. Oh, yeah. No, I thought you meant no, that's not how it works. Like when did you get your degree? Um, yeah, so that I came blue that's an option. And then there's implant, which is where they go in there

and pull whatever's left in there out. You know, whatever the fuck. Thank God you're not unconscious, but you're numbed up. And they put like a screw in there, which to me is going to get rusty. I blow a lot of men on the street in the rain. Anyhow, yeah, they're going to put a screw in there, and they have to let the bone grow around it for a few months. It's just a pain. And the other thing is a flipper, they call it, which every hockey player you know, or I know, you know how they have every other tooth knocked out.

It's a thing that goes right up under your, yeah, it's got the teeth on it, yeah. Which I'm like, do people use that permanently? He's like, well, it's not ideal. In some situation, you're going to pop it out. I said, I'm not dating. Who gives a fuck? I remember my Uncle Bob had a bridge, because every other tooth down here was missing.

And he was drunk at a cookout we had, and he passed out, and his teeth popped out. Fucking whole family, we were staring at him in tears. Fucking sits up, they're still hanging out. Good old Uncle Bob. Anyhow, yeah, so probably got to go the implant route. Or if this thing isn't that uncomfortable, I'm going to have it, by the way, for Florida, folks, I think. So if I'm up there talking like John Fetterman.

Fit right in. Yeah, I'll fit right in exactly hey hoop fourth of July Okie bar San Francisco all right let's get on with it red wave my mother's box can I preface this show folks by saying what I've been saying all along I I don't mean to be too cynical, and probably what I'm about to say is going to make the rest of the show meaningless, but I don't know that I'm ever voting again. I kept telling you people, if even two races are closed, it's a fucking fix. I really believe that. When else could you ever have an easier choice really believe that. When else could you ever have an easier choice as voters? I don't care what party, with, I should say, you know, with what Biden and the Democrats have done to this

country in the last two years, there shouldn't have been one close. Never mind Republicans losing anywhere. I really believe there's 10 guys in a room, you know who I'm talking about, World Economic Forum, Council on Foreign Relations, whoever the fuck you want to blame, who have decided this country is going to be brought to its knees and it's time for China to take, I don't know. I'm just saying, I'm being way over cynical, you can say, I don't give a shit.

You're going to tell me John Fetterman actually won in Pennsylvania? You can't. I can't even, I hate Democrats You can't. I can't even. I hate Democrats so much, but I can't even say they're that stupid that they'd vote for that fucking stroke victim. It's unfathomable. And here's my other thing. Well, what about Stacey Abrams?

This is how it's done. They get a whole script. The Dems or whoever, the left-leaning five guys or ten guys that run the world, globalists, what we got to do is, yeah, we got to make it look a little even. We'll get rid of,

who's hurting our cause? Well, that fucking Stacey Abrams, she's like fucking dead weight. Who else is hurting our cause? Beto O'Rourke, he's fucking useless. We'll let those two go. And you're probably going, you're crazy, Nick,

conspirator. I don't give a fuck. I don't care. Like I said, it should have been a tsunami, tsunami. Happens in Russia all the time. What's that? Happens in Russia all the time. Yes, it does.

And it's now happening here. At least Russia. It's very easy in Russia. You're like, oh, I better fucking, you get caught on camera not voting for Putin. You'll be waking up in a crematorium. Anyways, I just, the Fetterman thing, Pennsylvania, they talk about New York State being corrupt. How about Pennsylvania? Again, they changed a bunch of laws and it's fucking, and neck and neck out in Arizona. We'll wait. There's still a chance. It's like tied for the Senate right now. It's like 48,

48 or whatever. Then you got Hershel Walker and fucking Warner, who I can't, I can't take any more commercials. I told you. If there's going to be a runoff now, God help. It's just, I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. It wasn't a disaster for the Republicans. They won the fucking House. And they still might win the Senate. But I doubt it with all the fixation, I call it, that's going on.

Anyhow, I'm just giving you my little pre-take on, so whatever I say next is, you know, probably, think of it, it comes with a preface, it's all bullshit. It's all scripted. I can't, of course you couldn't have like, we knew DeSantis. That was so obvious to whoever's fixing everything's like, we got to let the, you know, we can like, we knew DeSantis. That was so obvious to whoever's fixing everything. It's like, we got to let the, you know, we can't. That's too fucking, that'll be too obvious. But the rest of it, the Fetterman thing's killing me. Dr. Oz, what does he feel like today?

Literally, you want us to believe he lost to a guy who's opening line debate was, hey, good night, everybody. Really? You Dems aren't even that jaded, are you? Are you really that fucking rotten to the core? I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt. Oh, my fucking God. I just, whatever. It's a big, bad job.

Somebody's hell-bent on this country being socialist or fucking globalist. That's where the world's headed. That's all I'm going to say. My wife had to drag me kicking and screaming to the voting booth yesterday. Which, by the way, I went because it was 80 degrees out. It's a fucking eight-minute walk down the street to a nice church. It's fucking great. And I do this every year. This is what I do to scare the ladies at the desk. It's always ladies, like middle-aged ladies. So my wife's in front of me.

She gets her license, hands it, they check your name off. And as my wife's walking in the booth, I go, hey, do what I told you to do in there. Of course, the black lady, older black lady laughs her balls off. And a white lady next to her did. But the next two were like this. You can only make so many... Do what I told you. And then, of course, me and her wrote in my name for a couple of write-ins that we didn't give a fuck.

All right, let's get on with this stupid thing. Let's pretend it's a... Anyways, I've got to drive six and a half hours on Friday. I don't know, folks. Might be it. I know I say that. Huh? I got to find another way. Is fentanyl that dangerous to sell? All right, let's get on. What's the first thing? Let's go over the obvious ones, the big ones that are important nonetheless. Ron DeSantis shifts Dade County from blue to red. Dade County historically blue.

Blueer than my balls. Pause, I've got to have a drink. No, don't pause. I'm just saying. That was malarkey. Yes. Have a sip of timing stupid Ronnie DeSantis you know he wasn't gonna let us down really is the he was the best guy around that's right and he showed it last night did he not turning Dade County red my old great late buddy

Greg Zook who spent years in Dade County in Miami, would have loved to, we could have chatted. I would have had him come on the show because he knows the districts. Miami-Dade County in South Florida had a change of heart Tuesday and went red as voter-supported Republican Governor Ron DeSantis, who is projected to be the first GOP governor to win the county, that county, Dade County, in 20 years. The county's shift from blue to red was part of a predicted successful evening by the GOP in an effort to take back full control of Congress. The Fox News decision desk projected Senator Macchio, Macchio,

Polo. First of all, I don't know where you got that picture. This must be from 15 years ago. He's not that fucking handsome. That's a great picture. I would vote for him like that. So would a lot of broads. He looks like Michael Corleone waving to Sonny as he heads off to the causeway to be shot to death. Senator Marco Rubio. Who, in my opinion, is going to make a good president someday? I think he checks all the boxes. A little, not quite, he's not rough enough for me, not far right. But, you know, Republican will defeat Democrat Val Demings.

Oh, thank God, He was a threat. Who the fuck is Val Demings? Val Demings? In 2002, Florida Governor Jeb Bush became the last-to-date Republican gubernatorial candidate to win the heavily populated and diverse Miami-Dade County in South Florida. Jeb, what? Who the fuck are you? Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you? Are you writing a book? Who the fuck are you?

Exactly. Low energy Jeb. That's what Trump called him. I used to lay on the couch when he called Jeb low energy. I go, well, I'm right with him on that one. Sorry, Mr. President. There's DeSantis with his piece of ass of wife. Huh?

Mother of God. I'd hang myself in her hair. I'd do that. What do you call that when you jerk off and choke on yourself? Affixiation. I'd do like the guy from In Excess. You'd find me with her hair. You get the point I'm making.

I like her. Dressed like a goddamn Oscar trophy. And there's DeSantis giving the old high heel high heel heel high heel what do you mean Heil Hitler take another sip take another sick stupid no that's not a timing problem that's just dumb joke uh let's go to uh Ron DeSantis' victory. We've got three clips here because I think it's worth listen all during COVID and shit this guy kept remember he was doing the right thing. The rest of the country was going the other way

and he's like bullshit we're keeping the businesses open and whatnot. He showed leadership. Remember what that was? And he's a military guy. He's got a piece of ass for a wife. What do you want, a fucking, you want to look at Jill for another four years? Anyways, here's DeSantis clip one

from his acceptance victory speech. Thanks to the overwhelming support of the people of Florida, we not only won election, we have rewritten the political map. Thank you for honoring us with a win for the ages. Yes, sir. Ages 18 through 22.

Yummy, yummy. Bum, bum, bum. And then he said this in his victory speech last night. We have embraced freedom. We have maintained law and order. We have protected the rights of parents. We have respected our taxpayers. And we reject woke ideology. taxpayers and we reject woke ideology we fight the woke in the legislature we fight the woke in the schools we fight the woke in the corporations we will never ever surrender to the woke mob florida is where woke goes to die all All right. It's freedom, baby.

God damn right. And he did. How's everybody going to fit in Florida? After, I'll get to Hochul in a second, and Newsom being re- This is why you can't tell me it's not fixed. If you guys are that dumb in New York and L.A., you deserve-

Maybe people like to be raped and knocked out. And I'm starting to think you like it. Anyhow, that's a horrible thing to say. I know, but I'm just saying. It's so rigged, your mother's tits are involved. What? I have no idea what that means. Hers are natural and firm.

Listen. In his third cut, he's going to talk about how he ran against the grain when COVID and the country was shutting down. And like I said, he showed true leadership. So let's listen to what he got to say here. We chose facts over fear. We chose education over indoctrination. education over indoctrination. We chose law and order over rioting and disorder. Florida was the refuge of sanity when the world went mad. We stood as the citadel of freedom for people across this country and indeed across the world. Let it fly. We faced attacks.

We took the hits. We weathered the storms. But we stood our ground. We did not back down. We had the conviction to guide us, and we had the courage to lead. We made promises. All right, that's good. You know, in his head, his little voice is going, I have to say we. It was fucking me.

Yeah, but Ron, but what about the Democrats? What do they get? You get nothing. You lose. You lose. you lose so that was expected you know like I said it's too obvious to fuck with that one this is just a few that are too obvious to fuck with New York's so mental

when Hochul went I mean this is how many times people like me and the four Republicans that live in New York have gone through going what another Democrat I don't know it's really Republicans that live in New York have gone through going, what? Another Democrat? I don't know. It's really, it's, it's, I don't know what to say, folks. I'll say this.

Let me roast your buddy or say happy birthday to your mom through Cameo. She can come right to the house like she did last weekend. She likes black label beer. Anyways, Cameo, you know, you know what it is. You go to Cameo, they got a link right there. She likes black label beer. Anyways, Cameo, you know what it is. You go to Cameo, they've got a link right there. It's not a link, it just says Cameo. What is he talking about?

Go there and you can see some of the Cameos I've done and order one yourself if you're not vomiting after watching a few of those. Or just go to Cameo and search my name and then you tell me about the person and then what I do is I get the request from you and I sit there in my car or when I'm on the toilet or out front smoking a cigarette and I call your mother an asshole your father a dink it's a lot of fun all right do it today I need the cash and the other I would say, expected victory, although I think this is the biggest victory,

J.D. Vance, a terrific candidate. What's it called? Hillbilly? Elegy. Yeah. I can never remember the word elegy. I have terrible elegies this time of year. I'm allergic to hillbillies.

Hillbilly elegy. Good night, everybody. Welcome to the Gong Show. JD Vance wins Ohio, and I'm glad. This guy seems sincere. Again, that's his wife right to the right there. I don't understand that. She's an 80-year-old midget from Tallahassee. He picked her up in a fucking sidecar on his motorcycle. Anyways, he's very, very eloquent, very smart. He's an entrepreneur, author. I mean, really bright dude.

And he beat Rob Portman, I believe, right? Was it Portman? Or Ryan. Now I'm getting my things. Oh, he beat Ryan to take Portman's seat. I think that's how the... Who gives a fuck? What is this? The CBS Nightly News with lying cocksucker Bill?

Let's take a listen to J.D. Vance and his... I don't call it victory speech. What a night. I love you guys, too. Thank you,'t call it victory speech. What a night. I love you guys, too. I love you, right? Thank you, guys.

I love you. I love you. Wow. Well, what can you even say after a night like tonight? We've had a good night in the Ohio Republican Party, haven't we? Wow. The first. J.D. Vance will win the Ohio Senate seat against Democrat challenger Tim Ryan, according to ABC.

I like Tim Ryan because like yesterday, he knew it was going to be a bad night or something. And they cut to him and they said, how are you going to get that? He held up a can of Miller Lite and said this is it was sort of I don't know if he meant to like that. But I made it maybe like him. sort of i don't know if he meant to like that but i made it made me like him challenge anyways uh against democratic challenger tim ryan according to abc news projection uh drew angerer slash getty images vance a venture capitalist known for authoring the memoir hillbilly elegy was up again they made a movie out of it too it was It was up against Democrat Rep. Tim Ryan for retiring. That's it.

Portman's retiring. They were up for Senator Rob Portman's seat. 538's polling average showed a tight race with Vance pulling ahead. You know what was funny? I put it on yesterday when I got home, like early evening, like 6 o'clock, and it said Vance was down by 19. And sure enough, these guys do know what they, Karl Rove is a freak. This guy knows every district, what kind of people, it's creepy.

I'm like, what do you do? Sneak around? Like in your pajamas at night looking in every house in a country? He knows fucking everything. But they're like, the counties that he's going to do good in hadn't been counted yet. And I'm like, yeah, but is it going to make up 19 points? I put on the TV an hour and a half, hour later, and he's ahead by one.

I don't know, it's very weird. Anyways, with Vance pulling ahead of Ryan slightly in the final days of the campaign, Vance had the backing of former President Trump, who won Ohio by eight percentage points in 2020. Trump's endorsement was key in Vance getting through a crowded GOP field in the primary. Of course, Trump was saying he matches that every chance he gets. But you know who's responsible to DeWine, the governor?

He won by a huge margin, kind of pulling him with him, right? My wife had a great question about the Georgia race and how Kemp won by a substantial margin, right? So when you vote, don't most people vote right down the line, don't you? Most most people vote right down the ticket line right down the line don't you most people do right so how the fuck it kept win by that much and Herschel Walker being a runoff do you know I mean it's a good question and I looked at my wife and I said get out of the house it's a very good question I'm sure there's an answer to it but who gives a shit I don't have a call in line here let's move on

J.D. Vance here's a little bit of his speech and another one with a wife oh that's her the old lady is that a guy or a lady to the right near the flag is that a guy looks like Adrian from Rocky. Put a birdcage in front of that guy

with a dead parrot in it. All right, go ahead. Let's hear what J.D. had to say. The people of Ohio want to say something. I know, of course, we won a very good victory, and I'm very proud of it. Because of all of you, we won a great victory. But I want to say everything,

whether you voted for me or not, if you're watching on TV, whether you voted for me or not, the thing that I promise to do is go to the United States Senate and fight every single day for the people of Ohio. I would have heard it before. Thanks to you, we get an opportunity to do just that. I hope you mean fist fight. I really do.

Because if you just mean put up a fake front like Jim Jordan and Ted Cruz and all the other schmucks, Mitch McConnell for the last 30 years pretending to oppose what the Democrats put out there, I think he's sincere. But they all are until they get to D.C. And then like somebody sits him in a room. Again, Bill Hicks has the best line on this ever. He was a conspiracy. You know, he was convinced about the Kennedy assassination being a government fucking, I think I've told you this guy, but it's one of my favorite jokes. He goes, I have this theory that when a guy gets elected president, the next day they bring him into this room, they pull down the shades at the White House they put on a projector it's it's the Kennedy

assassination from an angle nobody's seen before and then they go any questions and the lights come on great bitch anyhow JD was uh I was happy about this one but again it's all premise by it's all stage it's a script I swear to, Sherwood Schwartz is doing this. The guy from Brady Bunch. Very good. I think he's dead now. Anyways, how do I feel about him?

Alrighty then. Hey, guess what? I don't believe this. I'm on tour again. Is this called marketing? I'm reading the same fucking thing. Make plans to come and see me on the road. What road?

Main Street. I'll be laying in the yellow line naked. Here's where I'll be and when. November 11th. That's this Friday night. Palm Beach Kennel Club. That's a beautiful joint, by the way. West Palm Beach, Florida.

November 12th. That's this Saturday night. Snapp is Comedy Club. Fort Myers, Florida. I don't know how the club survived Hurricane Chooch, but it did. November 12th, that's this Saturday night. Snappers Comedy Club, Fort Myers, Florida. I don't know how the club survived Hurricane Chooch, but it did. November 13th, that would be this Sunday night. It's already sold out.

Sidesplitters Comedy Club. Let me tell you, that'll be all jaded fucking New Yorkers and Bostonians like it always is. And I'll be doing a live Q&A if you have VIP tickets. January 13th and 14th, Comedy Off-Broadway, Lexington, Kentucky. Looking forward to that. February 3rd and 4th, the Grove Comedy Club, Lowell, Arkansas. March 11th and 12th, the Comedy Club of KC. That's Missouri, by the way.

And just added, ladies and gentlemen, April 21, the Funny Bones, St. Charles, Missouri. Excuse me. And April 22, the Funny Bones, St. Louis, Missouri. This April 22, the Funny Bone, St. Louis, Missouri. This is great. I'm doing rooms I did 28 years ago. Good for you, Tommy. Yeah, but you're making eight more bucks.

I know. Thanks a lot. Appreciate it. You can get tickets to all these shows and my funeral at nickdip.com. Click on the fucking dead button. Jaded much? I can't take it no more. But they can take it away,

Mr. Christopher. What the fuck, T? Hochul wins again? That malignant cunt. Hochul wins New York, the dumbest state in the union. You know why? Because they love rape,

murder, and violence. That's my conclusion. New York Governor Kathy Hochul, okay, supposedly won, although Lee Zeldin, the guy, the Republican, who had all the momentum going into

last night, he hasn't conceded yet, unless he did since I've been on the air, because he had a ton of votes waiting from where he's most popular in Long Island where he lives so he wasn't conceding yet but it's New York it doesn't matter if Jesus Christ is running against a Democrat what are you saying Jesus was Republican oh yeah sure sure I know he was in a carpenter in a union, but that doesn't make... Anyways, this is... This is...

Anyways, this is how I feel about Miss Hogle. Well, I don't want to break up the meeting or nothing, but she's something of a cunt, ain't she, Doc? How do you mean that? She likes a rigged game, you know what I mean? Find a more appropriate sound drop, and I'll blow you during the Q&A in Tampa. Anyways, her and her stupid Democrat party supposedly survived an unexpected scare Tuesday night.

Why would it be unexpected when people being raped, killed, knocked out, pushed in front of trains, mental illness, run and run. Why would it be expected if somebody who's against that would have won? Shows you how insane. New Yorkers, I'm sorry. I lived there. You're smarter than that. That's why I believe it's rigged.

As Hoke will beat GOP challenger Lee Zeldin to become the Empire State's first bitch governor. I mean lady governor. That must be Lee's face. What the hell? He's looking at a jumbotron. Oh, God. But Hochul, really? Hochul? He's a stupid, stupid, stupid. Talking to New York voters. Hochul has been governor since August of 2021, when the resignation of Governor Andrew Cuomo caught finger popping his aid under a water fountain, propelled the then lieutenant governor. She couldn't run a fucking lemonade to the chief executive job with 64 percent of the votes counted.

64% of the votes counted. Hochul, who had been leading by as few as 4 percentage points in polls, was ahead of Zeldin by 10 points, 55-45. You've got to be. You've got to be. Here's the only good part, folks. I'm trying to be optimistic here, which, you know, doesn't come easy. So let's say she wins in the end.

There's no shenanigans. She wins. The raping and murder and violence continues and gets worse. Then what do the Democrats do? How does that help them going forward for 2024? You know what I mean? New York is the biggest city and the most, you know, crossroads to the world. And when it's an eyesore, it's an eyesore for America. Why am I talking like this?

Let's do some dick jokes. New York is a heavily blue state, and the race was not on National Democrats' radar screen until early this fall when Zeldin began to gain in opinion polls. The GOP congressman hammered away hard on the issue of crime, blaming Hochul for what he said was an increasingly unsafe city. You're raping me! This is rape! This is rape! This is rape! That was Hochul trying to get a cab after the victory speech. When Hochul was still second in command to Andrew Cuomo, New York Democrats agreed to end cash bail. How did that work out? In most cases in the state, the idea advocated by criminal justice reform advocates and morons is meant to stop a two-tier

system where accused criminals with money can stay out of jail while poorer ones, regardless of whether they are guilty or innocent, remain behind bars until trial. It's just so ridiculous. How does that work out? I think we've had the answer. We tried it. How's it working out? Or does that not matter,

as long as you guys get what you want? Zeldin pointed to cases where a person was released while awaiting trial and committed another crime. He vowed to kick that person right in the teeth. That's right, Tony Danza. What? Who put that? He vowed to declare a crime emergency in New York

and suspend cash bail, which everybody, who would disagree with that? I want somebody on the street today talking to New Yorkers and say, do you believe the fix is in? You know, I mean, I want to hear. I want to hear the people look into a camera, a television camera, but no, we like her. She's done a good job. That's all. I want to see 10 people say that.

Hochul has called for reforms to tighten the rules, but faces opposition from the Democratic led state legislature. Again, they like rape and victory and... Rape and victory? Well, that's... To the victigos, the spoils. Dallas, you've got to watch The Sopranos with me. Because I know it makes you laugh, and you'll fucking cry. I'm saying that because of the...

To the victigos, the spoils. that was the first time Tony Soprano met Bacala Bobby by big fat guy they put a fat belt on and make him look even more huge but he comes in all shy and shit and he goes I understand Tom to the victor go to spoils Tony looks at him goes uh stick that quote book up your fucking ass, you fat shit. Now get the fuck out. Anyways, that makes me laugh. Reminds me of my dad. Anyways, let's go to the Kemp victory speech.

I didn't even bother pulling the story. All we know is Stacey Abrams. Honey, you and Beto O'Rourke, try getting a real job. Look, the Falcons need a fucking right tackle, right? If Miss Abrams could do that. Beto O'Rourke, I heard the gap in Laredo needs a manager. Somebody has full sweaters. I don't know if you've qualified for that either.

You've never worked a day in your life, you dinkweed. Anyways, Mr. Kemp, I'm not crazy about this guy either, I'll be honest. If you remember all the shenanigans, the last election, and this guy does a ton of shit with China. I looked into him. I can't remember any of it.

But he's the lesser of two evils. See, I don't want to see Stacey Abrams' face again. She repulses me. Have we got any quotes from her today? Did she concede yet? Huh? Yeah, she conceded last night. No, I didn't say what she conceded.

She did? Yeah, she did. She conceded last night. With no caveats? None. People are asking her, which race are you conceded she did yes she did she conceded last night with no caveats none people people are asking her uh which race are you conceding is that right that's a beautiful thing anyways uh here's uh here's uh billy kemp jack but we also focused on how resilient ge's economy has been despite the disaster we're seeing in Washington, D.C. and across the country, thanks to Joe Biden. But in Georgia, guys got the magnetism of a donut. Georgia.

That's right. But in Georgia, in Georgia, we have record low unemployment. The most people, the most people ever working in the history of our state. OK, pause. Pause. Now, wait a minute. I live here in Georgia. How come every restaurant I go into, they're short-staffed? What are you talking about? You don't trust nobody, man. And why is Amy Schumer staring at him? And her fucking graduation gown. Okay, go ahead.

Let him lie some more. Historic investment in rural Georgia in the two largest job projects in state history were announced just in the last year. Jesus Christ, this guy sounds like a blue-collar comic. But this campaign is also... Enough, enough, enough. Jesus H. I thought you had to have some charisma. Guy sounds like a Chevy dealer.

Ford tough. And make it. And make it, exactly. Again, Amy Schumer in love with him. Ford tough in Macon. Exactly. Again, Amy Schumer in love with him. Then they talked to, we do have some audio of,

they talked to Miss Abrams to see how she felt after her loss last night. What folks says about this family, I does. I has told you and told you that you can always tell a lady but the way that she eat in front of folks like a bird.

And I ain't aiming for you to go to Mr. John Wilkinson's and eat like a field hand and gobble like a hog. It's the same speech he gave last time. Holy shit, I trucked this one. And then this is they met after, I guess, and this is what Kemp said to Stacy to her face. I'll go home and get your fucking shine box. I thought that was unnecessary. And then there was an Australian guy there. He's that cat. Oh, what a night.

Oh, what a night. Late December back in 69 or 4. I don't know. Let's end it with a light story, one that makes me harder than a shark's tooth. My great crack, I said to Dallas last night,

I said, just give me one story not related to Paul, you know, something a little light and fluffy. When this came in, I almost fell off the couch laughing. This was the best one you ever sent me.

Again, it involves a young girl in a Spider-Man costume. Let me set this up. Apparently, she's a queef. You guys know. You gay guys don't know, unless you call it something. But a queef, you know, that's when the air gets caught in the pussy, and it sounds like a catalytic converter broke.

the pussy and it sounds like a catalytic converter broke. No, that's, it sounds like a, it sounds like a pinhole in your muffler. It can't be, it never bothered me. I felt bad for the girl when I did that, you know, because they get embarrassed. You guys, come on. I'll fart while I was banging a chick. Giggle. Shut up and get on, get back on that thing.

Spin around nice. Anyways, here's... Just watch it. I don't think it needs an explanation, but where is she from, by the way? Did we get that? Here somewhere. Huh? In America somewhere.

In America somewhere. Okay, go ahead. She queefs at her, but she's got a sense of humor about it, the way she used this, and I'll tell you a little story when I'm done watching it. So I wanted to do a Spidey cosplay last night, but everybody's like haha waiting for the queef

So I made a video what do you guys want me to come in like this? Yes Like, can I just post a thirst trap without being like, let one rip? Anyways. Okay. I love you for helping me to construct a life. Oh, my God. Not a tavern, but a temple. Oh. I love you because you have done so much to make me happy.

Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. Christy, get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your asshole. I always wanted to know in those karate movies how they did the sound. I've told the story, I'm sure, on the show before. I was about three or four years in comedy. No girlfriend at the time. It was great. Went to Schaumburg, Illinois, or one of those towns,

and had a hell of a week, woman-wise. You know, I was 14. I was all ripped and nice. Anyways, the girl, I met her. She cut my hair. I got a haircut that day. She came to the show. Me and a friend of hers go back to her haircutting place. I'm under the fire. I told you, I'm under the dryer. I'm sitting in the show. Me and a friend of hers go back to her hair cutting place.

I'm under the fire. I told you, I'm under the dryer. I'm sitting in the seat. I don't have the dryer thing on, and she's blowing me. And her cute, cute friend who's still dressed is queefing to make me laugh. Like that, on demand. I'm like that. And it was like I was doing the Boston Pops. I'm like.

that and it was like I was doing the Boston Pops. I'm like, I mean, the good old days, huh? Oh my God. Sure I came home with chlamydia, but it was worth it. Anyways, that's it, right? That's enough for today. That was a good show. So again, I preface the whole show by I think everything's rigged, everything's scripted. But if you guys want to believe, get the House back. And the Senate, again, we don't know yet. I think we kind of do because anytime it takes a long time to count, there's cheating going on by the Democrats. Even in Arizona, they wanted to extend the voting hours and a judge shot it down because there were problems in Arizona, they wanted to extend the voting hours and a judge shot it down because there were problems in Arizona. Carrie Lake and some people went to the liberal because they were in a conservative part of town. There was problems with their computers.

So she had a group of people go to the liberal side of town and they were running beautifully. That's what she said on the thing sorry i believe her she's an anchor woman she wouldn't lie anyways that's it folks you guys think that i'll say it you're very welcome see you back here uh... tomorrow bye hi goodnight everybody Perfect! guitar solo Thanks for watching!